
Paul talks Adrienne into going with him to some hidden volcano place so he can try and get some later. Adrienne thinks it’s because he wants to push her over the edge of the mountain and into the ocean, since Paul and her haven’t held hands, or kissed or done it doggy style or any style in 25 years or so. Poor Dr. Frankenstein, all he is trying to do is get some later from Miss Jocelyn Wildenstein Jr, and all that bitch keeps thinking about is the possibility of getting thrown into the sea and having to swim back minus her thousand dollar wig.

Meanwhile at the hotel Kyle is sitting around in a towel stuffing her face full of Mauricio when suddenly there’s Margaritas at the door but all Kyle hears is the loud meth induced screeches that come out of Kim’s lizard mouth.


Yep, Kim has finally arrived in Hawaii in all her disheveled faded glory. Surprisingly the walls at this fancy schmancy Four Seasons Hotel are thinner than the walls at the Sleazy 8 Hourly Motel because Kyle can hear every single word Kim is farting out of her mouth. I bet Kyle and Maurico will hear the two fucktards next door going at it monkey style and it will disrupt their get-it-on time.

Meanwhile Mauricio who doesn’t seem to give a shit too much if Kim and Quasi are next door or not, just keeps trying to convince his wife to join him in downing Margaritas, since these may help them block the sound of Kim and Quasi next door.

Honey just come here and get drunk with me and blow me!

Later everyone gets dressed to go to dinner.

Brandi is trying to dry hump grandpa Ken and of course he enjoys it. Mauricio is hoping she tries to hump on him and Kyle for a casual threesome later.

Lisa admits to liking Brandi and her stupidity so she allows her in the Menage a trois.

Then this chunky dude shows up and seems to only notice the “ladies” there. NICE!

Camille and Brandi are ready to jump on chunky boy.

This bitch here gets all exicted when Chunky boy says ‘BLOW”
After Brandi gets passed around like a joint in a hippie van and gropped by a few Hawaiian fat guys (and she loooves that shit) they all plop down to dinner. It was beautiful.

Camille you’re next bitch!

Kim and Quasi show up nice and fucked up. Kim cannot even walk straight. Kim shows up lying about the real reason why her and Quasimodo missed their flight and now she has forgotten the other excuse she gave Kyle over the phone because she was high like a kite at the time and she can’t keep her lies straight.
So, now Kim has a brand new excuse and says that Quasimodo had to work the corner and so they missed their flight and were unable to show up on time. But then, during her talking head interview the dumb bitch admits she was lying when she says she didn’t want to go into explanations about the real reason she was late and that’s why she told Kyle and Mauricio it was because Quasi had to work.
Why does she insist on wearing this hideous garbage bag or psycho Christmas wrapping paper whatever the fuck that shit is she is wearing? WHY KIM?

Wait, DUUH! What was the reason I told these bitches we missed the flight and the train? Did I say I lost my keys and underwears or that Ken had to work? Oh well, I was too fucked up I can’t remember shit. HE HE HE!!! METH IS A HELL OF A DRUG!

Mauricio and Kyle are equally confused and annoyed with all of Kim’s bullshit.

So Mauricio and Kyle both decide they want to confront Kim and Quasimodo on their constant lying right then and there, in the middle of Mauricio’s birthday dinner. Kim insist (and acts like it’s no big deal she lied) that it’s because her and Quasi were fucked up for the last 3 days on king meth and smack cocktails the supposedly retired Quasi had to work. Mauricio says that they are bullshitting him because he was told previously that Quasi was retired and all of the sudden he has to work, not to mention that Kim also bullshitted Kyle while on the call from her house when she told her she lost her passport and keys and underwear and blah, blah, blah.

And she tries to keep up the charade even with Mauricio confronting her and the cameras rolling. But, I have to agree with Kim and fucktard this was the WRONG time to call her out on her bullshit. But, with these bitches even when fun things are happening around them they all have to shit on it one way or the other. Kim tells her sister and Mauricio to eat the “story” they are feeding them and to quit worrying about the lateness and just be happy and enjoy herself and not ruin Kim’s high. Kyle says it’s “BULLSHIT!”

Mauricio gets all turned on by Kyle’s insistence on calling out her doped out lying sister and asks Kyle for a kiss after she almost starts a hair pulling cat fight with Kim.

Kim’s hit of X plus the cocktail of other questionable pills kicks in and also to clown on Mauricio and Kyle she decides to smooch on Quasimodo and mock Mauricio.
Then, a frustrated Kyle notices nothing is fazing Kim so she decides it’s time to talk shit about someone else and she brings up the Chankla/Russell situation and says that Chankla finally left Russell. Kim starts laughing because that was some good smack she slammed that day and surprisingly (and this happens once in a while) out of her insanity mouth truth comes out when she blurts out that Chankla left Russell so that she can be invited to the next party for sure. Everyone looks at Kim like she has maggots coming out of her mouth, but the bitch speaks the truth so everyone else realizes that they have to agree with this crazy bitch on this one. Paul says that Chankla will be back with Russell in two weeks and Camille calls her ‘The boy who cried wolf.”
Lisa (who drank of Chankla Face’s feel sorry for me Kool Aid) tries to stick up for Chankla by saying that she never heard Chankla cry wolf for Russell about leaving him. Camille quickly jumps in and calls bullshit on that bitch and says that Chankla Face said she was leaving Russell while at Camille’s house. Because this dinner is turning awkward Paul decides to propose a toast to his sexy wife who barely gives him a peck on the lips. Everyone gives Adrienne shit for not sucking face with Paul so she decides to plant a good open mouth kiss while she sticks her tongue down his throat. Crazy ass Brandi believes prudish Adrienne is a freak in the bedroom and her and Paul must attend a lot of Roman orgies and such. Yeah, I can just picture Paul with a gag ball in his mouth while Adrienne wears a dominatrix jumpsuit and whips him.

Then, Adrienne makes one of these “I can’t believe I did that!” stupid numbers that bitches like her like to give.

Kyle is sitting there shooting daggers at Chicken Head and Quasi. But, Chicken head Kim can’t tell because she is flying too high to notice that shit. All Kim cares about is having Quasimodo stay up all night to rub her flat ass. Everybody puked their dinner.

Kyle and Lisa are yapping about what an inconsiderate asshole Kim is and Lisa makes a good point to Kyle about letting it go and quit crying because Kim will never change.

I just want to punch Kim in the face!
Mauricio then, does a toast to tell the truth that will set you free because he is following some fun philosophy or some shit.

This little toast causes Kyle and Kim and Mauricio to start yelling at each other in anger. I bet Kim was really pissed that all these fucktards were pissing on her high.

FUCK YOU ALL IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS EVEN IF I WAS IN SOME GUTTER HAVING METH SPAMS!
BITCH YOU LIED AND NOW NOBODY CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME, LANAI IS RUINED!

While they all yell at each other everyone keeps eating their dinner that now Kim, Kyle, Mauricio and Quasi shit on.

The next day around noon, all the bitches get ready to go on a sail boat ride. They all put on their chones to go catch the short bus to the boat ride except for of course Kim who is too fucked up to find her granny chones and join the other ho’s on time.
Guess who go a blow job last night!

SHUT UP PAUL!
Kyle and Lisa get impatient and go knock on Kim’s door.

Their sailboat ride is in about 20 minutes and so the bitches get impatient and decide to jump the connecting wall.

Lisa gets her big butt stuck on the wall’s glory hole.
AAAHHH!!! MY BIG FAT ASS (In her uppity English accent) GOT STUCK IN THE THING!!
After Lisa got some butter to unstuck her big British ass, Kyle and Lisa decide to pound on Kim’s back sliding glass door so that Kyle can stand there yelling at that ho’.

GET UP BITCH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!
After Lisa and Kyle climb the wall one more time they both go pound on Kim’s front door.

Kim is either stupid, playing stupid or just still fucked up from her meth and booze binge because she doesn’t even know who is at the front door. This is when Lisa should of said OPEN UP IT’S THE POLICE! Just to fuck with her, I would of.

Then stupid Kim starts fighting with Lisa because she doesn’t want Lisa to come in and see her mirror and that powdery white stuff on it. She will let Kyle in since she already knows about that shit. Finally they all do what they should of done in the first place and leave without Kim.
LATER BITCH!

The other bitches board the boat and have some sort of a teetie contest.
Kim and Quasimodo get in their own car to board the boat. Kim and Quasi don’t even want to go do this activity and in Kim’s delusional head of delusions and meth induced dreams she believes the boat will not leave without her because she is a Marlon fisher? What the fuck? I thought she was an Arabian horse? Now she is a Marlon fisher and this will make the captain to be forced to wait for her? Meth is a hell of a drug indeed. While they all the skanks and the boat crew are sailing away, they see Kim and Quasi driving to the docs but the Captain says he ain’t turning around for that trick and if she wants to join the boat her and Quasi will have to swim. Well bitch they are leaving without you!

Kim and Quasi get there right when the boat was taking off and here’s Kyle!

KIIIIIIM!!! BITCH SWIIIIMMM!!!!
Kyle gets all upset that Kim will be missing the boat and will not be attending so that Kyle can push her over board. Quasi and Kim don’t seem to give a shit or be too bothered they missed the boat. As a matter of fact I think Kim and Quasi wanted to miss that boat on purpose so that they can hole up in the hotel room so they can chop their breakfast on a mirror. During her talking head Kim keeps lying about the real reason they missed their wake up call while wearing that fugly ass garbage bag that she wears when she misplaces her clothes.

Next Kim and Quasi sit at their lanai babbling about nothing while Kim keeps repeating that “it all happened for a reason.” Following by Quasimodo saying some shit about “respect or else” and threatens to flip out on people if they don’t show respect or some shit, in his weird ass convicted felon voice.

All the land hags have become sea hags. Lisa tries to take off Brandi’s piece of floss that she wears as a bikini so that her vagina can be exposed but surprisingly Brandi catches on to that and ties the piece of floss back onto her tights to cover her ass crack. Mauricio is all trying to look. Everyone who is not afraid of water (Camille and Mauricio) jump in the cool water to see the fishis. But, all the other skank hags stay on the boat because their hair weaves may fall off in the water and their makeup may run. Not to mention the wax on their faces may melt. Camille didn’t seem to have a problem with that so I don’t understand why the other ho’s couldn’t join her.

Brandi wastes no time flirting with the cute Captain of the Trilogy and asks him if he is married or has kids, his response “no just a free spirit” in other words after the one night stand get the fuck out and take a cab home and don’t call me again.
YOU’RE JUST A BOOTY CALL!!!
Lisa and the other ho’s agree that with Brandi’s “no dimple ass” she shouldn’t even wear clothes.Brandi says that she reminds Lisa of Lisa when Lisa was a young “hottie patootie” and the torch is in Brandi’s hands now. How old is Brandi like 38? I swear these bitches make me feel like I’m a fucking teenager compare to them. Another reason I watch this show.
Next we see Chankla Face talking with her bestie Dana/Pam. Chankla is complaining to Dana/Pam about getting left in California and not be invited to Hawaii because of Russell’s shenanigans. Why is Dana/Pam all lobster red? Was she left out in the sun for 17 hours or did someone take an iron to her face? Dana/Pam tells Chankla Face that once those bitches realize how wrong they were to kick the Chankla out of the club house because of Russell and once they find out she kicked him to the curb they will all come back with open arms and invite her to their parties and Hawaii trips (paid by Bravo) again.

And Chankla Face sat there crying some more.

Meanwhile in Hawaii the bitches are all going to their final dinner. Everyone is in attendance. When Paul and Adrienne show up Paul kept barking at the hostess “WHAT’S YER NAME?!” Like he was some incoherent rapper holding an oversized plastic chalice painted gold. Adrienne being the most polite of the two tells his ass to calm down.
Of course Kim and Quasi show up all high and on time surprisingly. Everyone keeps busting Kim’s balls about her constant absence and asking her what the fuck is going on with her chicken headed ass because she missed every single activity that was planned. Kim just keeps repeating that she missed the boat “for a reason”. She must be right because the reason must be that her skinny ass would of either gotten thrown overboard or just flowned overboard like Brandi’s ass and floss almost did.

Before everyone plops down to scarf their dinner Paul, Adrienne and Kim are all outside talking about Kim’s relationship to Quasi and how she met him and that type of shit. Quasimodo was wondering around and when he comes by Kim and the others he finds out they are talking about him and Kim makes a joke that this is why his ears are ringing. Quasi doesn’t get the joke and gets up in Adrienne’s face and starts confronting her about how he is not a fan of whatever shit they are spewing about him and how Adrienne has a surprised face like she got caught saying something bad about him. And he is all a weirdo dick about it too with his sinister low voice .

Paul just stands there watching this fool confront his wife I was waiting for Paul to punch him out but Paul was more classy than that and just said to Quasi that they were saying good things about him and makes him feel stupid.

YOU KNOW, WE WERE SAYING GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. YOU DO KNOW MY WIFE ALWAYS HAS A SURPRISED CRAZY PLASTIC SURGERY LOOK ON HER FACE BECAUSE OF THE SIX FACE TRANSPLANTS I’VE PERFORMED ON HER FACE RIGHT?
While sitting at dinner Quasimoto starts to trip on Kim about the food she is eating. Quasimoto seems to think he can tell Chicken Head what cheeses she likes and what food she should shove down her fat mouth.
BITCH I’M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU LIKE NOW. DON’T ARGUE WITH ME!

BUT I LIKE BRIE CHEESE!
Kim then, asks for her blanky and Quasi hands it to her so she can cover up because she is cold when she comes down from her meth binges.

Kim keeps telling everyone how she sat around all day and wasted the day pretty much “relaxing” and “everything happens for a reason” blah, blah, blah. Mauricio and Kyle are still pretty “understandably” pissed off over cracky missing two planes, a bus, a train and a boat and so they decide to confront her crazy ass again.
And again Kim and Quasi just keep acting like nothing happened. Quasi says “we don’t” give a shit what you think and riles up Kyle even more.
Finally Kim and Quasi make the best decision they could of ever made and ’scram” like the assholes they are.
