The ink has not even dried yet on the divorce papers and this ho’ is already dating a new guy. His name is Eddie Judge and he was friends with Simon. Simon happened to run into them in Las Vegas. (what a coincidence!) And Simon flipped out and fell to his knees when he saw Tamra with another man. Security had to scort Simon out of the club.
Why is he tripping wasn’t he the one who filed for divorce? And I don’t know about that so called new guy. He doens’t convince me that he is into girls too much.
Stung by her husband Simon filing for divorce and accusing her of cheating during the marriage, she’s rebounded by dating one of his friends, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.
The star of Bravo’s “Real Housewives Of Orange County” has hooked up with Eddie Judge and Simon, who calls it “the ultimate betrayal,” found out about it the hard way – by seeing them together. And it was such a blow that Simon actually dropped to his knees, he told RadarOnline.com.
Simon was at the Hard Rock Hotelin Las Vegas on Saturday night and thought Tamra was back in Los Angeles. When Simon arrived at the club around midnight he got quite a shock.
“I walked in and I saw Tamra with a friend of mine, Eddie Judge,” Simon told RadarOnline.com. “I saw them holding hands and acting like a couple. “As soon as Tamra saw me she let go of his hand and walked away.
“I went up to Eddie and asked him if he’s (bleeping) my wife. He didn’t say a word.
“I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed — the ultimate betrayal by a pal and my estranged wife.
“I started to feel weak and feel to my knees. The doorman helped me and by the time I had regained my composure they both left to the other side of the club.
“I left soon after.”
Tamra confirmed to RadarOnline.com: “I started dating Eddie Judge last week.
“We started hanging out together more after my separation and one thing led to another. We had been friends for over a year. “We are romantically involved, he is a great guy. It was bound to happen that we both we would dating again after he filed for divorce, it was going to happen sooner or later.
“I don’t know what the future holds with Eddie and only time will tell.”
In a desperate attempt to save her failing marriage Tamra decides to do what every other trailer park ho’ has done to prove her love for her husband and gets a tattoo with Simon’s name on it. Tamra also says it is ironic that she was pissed off at Nugget Boy for getting his Nugget tattoo in the inside of his lip and now she is getting inked. I think all these ho’s are the same and they all copy cat each other like for example didn’t Gretchen get a tattoo with Jays name on it? Now Tamra is doing the exact same thing too.
Did that Bitch tap Nugget’s butt when she hugged him?. Ewwwh!
Tamra asks the tattoo guy if they sterilize the tattoo guns and if she can catch a disease from getting the tattoo. Doesn’t she have a tramp stamp tattooed on her ass or was I high when I was watching that episode? Tamra asks Nugget Boy if he could find her something to drink. Nugget asks Tamra if she would like some water and Tamra says ‘NOOO!’are you stupid get me some booze! These Bitches like to start drinking early specially at tattoo parlors. Tamra worries that getting Simon’s name tatooed may bring the kiss of death to her relationship,‘I heard a lot that if you get someone’s name tattooed on your body you get divorced or you break up I just hope it’s not the kiss of death’ Well I guess she knows now.
Stupid Lynne is driving while talking on her cell phone to Alexis, inviting her to a housewarming party at her new beach home, trying to smooth things out, over the outburst she had during the last episode and saying dumb shit like ‘That outburst I don’t know what came over me!’ And more stupid shit such as, ‘I don’t know what was in that wine?’ I can tell you what was in that wine ho’ it was 17.5% alcohol by volume same as Night Train.
I can’t believe that ho’ didn’t get pulled over for driving while talking on a cell phone that is not hands free in California that’s illegal.Then she says ‘ we all made up afterward it was fine we always do that we get all upset and then we’re fine, that’s how we roll here in the OC’ Oh, yea? I am so impressed. That’s how they roll at some of the trailer parks also . You’ll fit right in, when your ass has to live over there.
Gretchen asks Vicki for advice on finances and running her makeup line in 2010. Bitch skin looks like shit all flaky and Grimm Reaperish, did you all notice her eyebrows were crooked? She forgot to draw them on all the way. She looked like she just got up, or was up all night tweaking on meth.
Vicki tells Gretchen to quit dreaming about putting out a cheap ass make up line in this economy and quit being so stupid spending money before she makes it and going bankrupt. Vicki also tells Gretchen she ain’t no Estee Lauder.
Then Vicki asks Gretchen how much money Jeff left her. Gretchen lies through her teeth and tells Vicki that Jeff didn’t leave her shit. Yet, she lives the high roller jet setter life plus were is she getting the money to invest in the so called make up line? It doesn’t make sense. She thinks people are just stupid and can’t add.
Vicki asks Gretchen if Slimey has a job and the Bitch could not give Hurricane Vicki a straight answer she just nods and says all nervous, ‘ yee-ah, ‘ Gretchen lies to Vicki and tells her Slimey has a job but she doesn’t elaborate on what exactly he does for a living. Bitch cannot even come up with a good lie. She could of told Vicki ‘Slade works at some In n Out in Anaheim’ or ‘Slade works selling oranges on the side of the freeway’ or my favorite and this one is closer to the truth ‘Slade is a homeless male prostitute’.You know elaborate, but the bitch just sat there looking dumb, nervous and acting all awkward and shit.
Stupid Gretchen she gets all offended that Vicki is asking her dumb ass, if Slimeball brings in a paycheck and Gretchen herself, is the one who asked Vicki for financial advice, but laughs her ass off to the confessional camera and says ‘ His job is to pleasure me in bed!’ Ewwwh! Well we all knew that, Bitch. But, we are not laughing with you we are all laughing at you, because just like crazy ass Hurricane Vicki observed ‘I think Slade uses people, I think that’s the way he gets around, he sees a little pot of gold over there and he is gonna stay there for that’. And I bet he manages that Bitch alright, he is managing all the money Jeff left her down the toilet and up his nostrils Gretchen doesn’t see that., oh, yeah she is having too much fun with the nose candy to see that shit.
We also learned that Jimbo spends 3 thousand dollars a night in fancy hotel rooms for him and Duck lips. He also wants to make sure we know he has 900k in his bank account and he doesn’t know the difference between flamingos and swans. Next year foreclosure.
All the Bitches show up to Lynne’s rented beach house for her housewarming party. All the men were drunk and checking out Vicki for some reason telling her ‘ youuu looook beeeaauutiffeeeuul!’ except Simone because she hates her. Gretchen shows up and asks ‘where’s the shitter?!’.
In this episode Tamra decided to do all the shit that trailer park folk do like get a tattoo on her finger with Simon’s name on it, hang out with her biker friends and get naked wasted at Lynne’s party. The minute she got to Lynne’s housewarming party she was looking for the drinks she kept sucking down drink after drink and getting more obnoxious and louder and louder by the minute.
Did ya’ all see when Vicki showed up she was trying to get Simon and Vicki to hug each other and she was saying in a real loud high pitch obnoxious voice ‘ HAVE YOU MET SIMON?!’ Bitch was slurring her words and stumbling around. Simon tells her to calm her drunken ass down and have some water she yells all slurry ‘I need another drriink!’. Simon was getting embarrassed specially since his mentor and teacher Jimbo was present and he would frown upon Simon’s inability to control his Bitch.
How come Tamra always looks like she is wearing a fucking mop on her head all the time. Her hair looks ratty, mangy and unhealthy you can see the black roots through her fake ass bleached blonde hair that looks like it’s thinning out. Pretty soon she is gonna need to buy a wig from Kim Zolciaks wig line. Homegirl should go back to her natural dark roots and quit lying to herself that she is a blonde, lay off the chemical bleach on her hair and start using organic henna to cover the gray or else she will go bald by the time she is 50.
Isn’t it funny how last season Tamra an Vicki were giving newcomer Gretchen and Lynne the cold shoulder, and not letting them in the mean girls club? And Isn’t it funny how last season Simon didn’t seem too bothered by Tamra’s and Vicki’s Big Teetied Heffas friendship? This year Simon decided he hates Vicki and he also suddenly decided it is her fault him and Tamra’s marriage is falling apart leading eventually to divorce. Whaa?
So let me get this straight . When Simon was making the mega bucks. Supposedly. And buying Tamra 40k watches and thousand dollar designer bags everything was la-di-daa. Then he lost his job and could not keep up with the Joneses no more and then they met the Bellinos, whom to Tamra and Simon are the Joneses. To me they are the new Simon and Tamra. Simon started taking classes from reverend Jafar Jimbo on how to keep your Bitch in line, having a man crush on Jimbo and being enamoured with the Bellino marriage wishing Tamra was as submissive and obedient, without her own opinion and just as stupid as Alexis is with Jimbo all licking his boots and wiping his fat ass.
Suddenly Simon decides that Vicki is the devil and the enemy and she is a bad influence on Tamra and is the cause of all of the Barney’s marriage problems including global warming. While they are all out on Lynne’s patio Simon decides he is going to box Vicki and not make peace with her. Vicki has her boxing globes on and is holding her own with Simon. Simon is taking cheap shots at Vicki and telling her to stay out of his marriage. What the fuck? As if the Bitch is sleeping between them or what?
Vicki tells Tamra and Simon ‘I don’t give a rats ass about your marriage!’
Simon walks away from both women and says to Tamra ‘don’t touch me!’like a little Diva and runs down the stairs crying sipping on his pink girly drink all the othe guys say to him ‘Simooon don’t leave!’but he throws a hissy fit and says ‘I’m done!’ Then he comes back to fight Vicki some more and also to viciously bad mouth her to the other people and calls her a fucking bitch withing ear shot of Donn who pretends he didn’t hear Simon.
Vicki gets pissed off at Tamra for not slapping Simon for disrespecting her and Tamra says ‘he is my huusband!’ Vicki really should of gotten pissed at Donn for not sticking up for her to Simon.Simon continues being hostile to Vicki and Donn is right there don’t tell me he didn’t see or hear that shit. What the fuck? He didn’t say shit or do shit. To me this was disappointing. Seriously Bitches if someone disses your partner man or woman you say something you stick up for them. I am all for having a husband who lets you speak your mind, have your own opinions,hold the remote, kick his ass in the ring, and let you win the fights. You know a nice guy. I have one of those.
But I can’t believe Donn just sat there and then he says‘ I dind’t want to get involved Vicki can hold her own’. It is understandable that sometimes you have to grab your man by the huevos and remind him who is the Boss but you also have to let them hold their own cock too and be the man and I don’t mean a chauvinistic pic asshole like Jimbo either that’s not a man. All’s I know is something needed to be said to Simon. But Donn could not come to Vicki’s aide, since Vicki carries his dick in her purse and she can use it to slap Simon with it and she did. I guess it works for them.
Simon yells at Vicki some more and throws his bitch hissy fits and tries to convince Vicki and everybody at the party that him and Tamra have a healthy marriage, that we all know now was a bunch of bullshit since they getting a divorce anyways.
Simon keeps throwing little Bitch fits and walking out Tamra rans after him he tells Tamra that Donn calls him crying because Vicki kicks Donn’s ass. It’s probably true! Sad.
Lynne’s husband tells Jim he doesnt want to pay bills or credit card payments. Well you all don’t pay your bills fucker, instead of paying the bills Frank and Lynne use the bills that come in the mail to roll doobies when they get too lazy to go down to the liquor store and buy more zig zags.
After all the display of drama queen fuckery and Bitch smacking between Simone and Vicki. Lynne forced them to sit next to each other during dinner hopping one of them would slap the other. Unbelievable!.
Lynne and Frank tell the story of how they met. When Lynne was a young window hooker selling tricks Ala red district in Amsterdam, Frank spotted her on the window made an illegal u turn almost got a ticket from a cop who gave him the thumbs up after Frank told him what he was up to. Then Frank paid Lynne 3 dollars for a blow job and the next night they were married. Gotta admit their story was very cute!
Tamra tells the story how she met doofus Simon. At some trailer park country bar of course while he was line dancing with other guys for quarters. They had sex in the back of his El Camino 10 minutes later. The rest is history. Did ya’ all see Jimbo get all exicted because he knew exactly what puta rat hole Simon met Tamra at. He must hang out there a lot picking up ho’s.
Then Duck lips tells the story of how she met Jimbo. She tells a long winded tiring story, that production crew had to slice it into 4 different parts. The story took 4 hours she went on an on an on, about what she was wearing, how many sips she took out of her drink, how many ice cubes she had, what shoes she had on, Bitch sounded like a 5 year old who had too much candy and would not shut the fuck up. She was telling every boring stupid fucking detail like anybody gave a fuck.
Then she describes the first time she saw Jimbo and makes him sound as if he looked like a greek god, she should just tell the truth that he looked more like a greasy hairy fat slime ball who hangs around strip clubs and pays for sex, and the only reason she started talking to him was because he pulled out a big fat wad of cash like a Colombian drug lord and waved that cash at her slutty ass who was hanging around that hotel lobby pulling tricks and when Bitch saw that cash she went back to his room with him.
What a lying ho’ trying to say Jimbo looked hot, I puked in my my mouth a little, you know damn well Jimbo didn’t look any better 4 years ago than he does now you can tell that turd was always fugly even when he was younger. Oh, yeah and him and her were married to other people when they met that’s part of their christian values! She forgot to mention that during that long boring stupid bullshit story.
Vicki and Donn fell asleep during Alexis long winded novel of bullshit and stupid Alexis got all offended. Well, someone had to tell that ho’ that the world doesn’t revolve around her and people don’t give a crap about her long stupid stories, people have shit to do. Besides she took up 4 hours of Vicki’s life and now she wants them back!
Gretchen was nice and coked out again and ready to start shit with Vicki so she started questioning Vicki in a confrontational manner about why she doesn’t invite Donn to certain vacations. Vicki gets tired of the bullshit and excuses herself to go take a shit. But when she leaves everyone gangs up on Donn they tell Donn ’she is gone you can speak now!’ they were all asking Donn about the Florida trip he was all nervous and you can tell this was an uncomfortable situation for him because he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and piss anyone off specially Vicki whom he would have to deal with later. Donn yells ‘ we we’rent invited!’ and says ‘I coulnd’t go I have a job!’ Did ya’ all noticed how when he said that shit the happy music got scratched and every single one of those con artist fucktards got offended and defensive because they knew he was calling out their bullshit!.
That bimbo Alexis had the nerve the nerve to get offended. Bitch says ‘ I work hard I am a mother of 3 children and I take care of my husband’. That Bitch wouldn’t know what the meaning of working hard is. What she works hard alright with 3 nannies you know damn well she has maids so she don’t do dishes, or clean or even spends more than 10 minutes with her children her work day consist of her spending all day at hair appointments and 5 hours at the gym and 3 hours at the spa, the rest of the time she stresses about Jimbo finding a cuter younger blonde . I bet that must be exhausting poor thing! Well, having sex with that ogre must be the worst nightmarish part! Gross! That dumb Bitch is still just a lap dog!
Gretchen works hard at snorting meth and puking and spending Jeff’s money on Slimey. Tamra and Simon work hard at ? I don’t really know? Lynne works hard at sniffing glue and blowing money she don’t have. Jimbo works hard doing questionable business dealings and hiding his affairs from dumb bimbo Alexis, which it ain’t that hard, ’cause that bitch is dumb.
Vicki has had enough and decides it is time to storm out of the dinner party and tells everyone to kiss her fat ass. Donn followed Vicki like a trained puppy dog while they were walking out and after wards all those fucktards were talking shit about Vicki and Donn. Tamra threw Vicki under the bus. So much for their friendshit. Because that’s all it was. And Vicki was crying and she says ‘every single one of those bitches are fucked up!’ she cried and cried and wanted Donn to kick Simone’s ass. Well next time she needs to let Donn hold his own cock just in case he needs to put the smack down. Sometimes it’s necessary to let the guy hold his own dick.
After everyone partied got wasted fought with Vicki had flings with each others men, puked and peed in Lynne’s hallways there was even puke splattered in the front lawn house was trashed and everyone was hung over. At about noon, which is the normal time everybody wakes up at Lynne’s flop house her daughter (I think it was Alexa?) wakes up to a loud knock on the door to an eviction notice the man serving the notice asks Alexa if her mom and dad are home so dumb ass shuts the door to asks ‘are you guys home?’ either Lynne or Frank say ‘no’ and Alexa opens the door again and repeats that, to the eviction server.
He hands Alexa the notice everyone at home is hung over including mom and dad of course they didn’t want to deal with the eviction notice so they let one their children deal with it . Alexa slams the door and says ‘ what the fuck is this?, is this for real?’ . Yeap darling it is for real. Remember all the money mom and Raquel spend on plastic surgery and all the wild shopping sprees. That was the rent money. You been served. Maybe since ya’ all want to stay in the Orange County area ya’ all should think about moving to one of the more affordable parts of town like the nice trailer parks in Santa Ana still in Orange County and you will be with other folks that are more in your income level. Just saying…
According to Radaronline Gretchen Rossi was ordered to pay ex-boyfriend Jay Photoglou $18,900 because supposedly she ruined his reputation:
Jay Photoglou was awarded $18,900 in fees connected to a restraining order case. Real Housewives of Orange Countystar Rossi has obtained a temporary restraining order against Photoglou but it was then dropped by a judge.
Jay asked for attorneys fees and costs and a judge ruled in his favor on Feb. 1
Last week Photoglou filed a lawsuitagainst Rossi for slander and libel and several other counts.
This Bitch is gonna be broke by the time all these men she was screwing around with are done screwing her.
Gretchen is finally fulfilling her life dream of joining an outlaw biker gang. She gets ready to ride her bike puts on her Barbie pink scarf, gets her helmet on pulls out a lists from her pocket that reads:
Things I want to do before I die:
1. Get plastic surgery to get rid of the ugly.
2. Become bulimic and lose the weight. Work out frantically.
3.Get engaged to an old millionaire who is about to kick the bucket, and sleep with other men while supposedly taking care of him.
4.Join a trashy reality TV show and make all the other Bitches on it jealous.
5. Get money from dying fiancee.
6.Get a Harley as a gift from millionaire fiancee.
7. Date a douchebag.
8. Pick up a meth habit to stay skinny.
9. Join an outlaw biker gang.
10. Sleep with as many bikers as possible.
11. Catch crabs from as many bikers as possible.
12.Give crabs to as many bikers as possible.
13. Blow all the money inherited from dead millionaire fiance on blow, hookers and the douchebag.
14.Back to square one.
Gretchen is checking off each item according to what she is currently accomplishing, and joining the biker gang was in there and so was making Tamra kill herself from jealousy because Gretchen got the pink Harley that Tamra always wanted since she was a little girl at the trailer park.
Gretchen says that Tamra can ‘SUCK IT!’. Since Gretchen is doing what she said that she was gonna do and Tamra shit herself in jealousy when she saw Gretchen getting that pink Harley. Gretchen says ‘where is your bike Bitch?!’ Since it is clear that Tamra Sue can’t afford a Harley, even thought she says she could get one if she wanted to, but we all know that is boollshit.
Gretchen offers Tamra a job as her Bitch and says that Tamra can ride in the back of her bike and Gretchen is gonna wear a jacket that says ‘If you can read this the Bitch fell off’ Just in case Tamra falls off during one of the sharp turns.
Yes, Gretchen has goals, big goals! That’s why she is loved!
Tamra and Simon hate each other and their children know that. It is a tough morning at the Barney cookie cuter mini palace that is about to get repossessed by the bank. Tamra asks her little son if he wants something to eat then she says that she didn’t eat anything before she went to bed the night before. Her little son Spencer says ’neither did I get used to it’ Since he hears all the grown up conversations, he tells his mom that in a minute here they gonna be on food stamps and that they gonna have to make that $ 300.00 a month in food stamps last for the whole month. That baby is mouthing off early, getting ready for puberty. Tamra expresses that she wants to work things out with Simon, just in case she can’t find another sugar daddy with at least a job. Little does she know he is dumping her ass.
It was cute when Tamra asks Simon if he is going to follow the kids after they hoped on their little bikes to go to school, at that brief moment Tamra and Simon where mom and dad and were actually getting along. Too bad for those kids, Simon and Tamra’s crazy asses could not work things out.
Meanwhile Lynne’s daughter Little Ho’ in Training Alexa is hanging out with her friends still doing whatever she wants and whinning that her mom is too hard on her. What a whinney little shit!
Lynne sniffed too much glue and popped too many shrooms and ate too many hashbrownies her brain is like mush and she still can’t figure out how to ground Alexa even thought Alexa has given her instructions on how to ground her she even bought her a book but Lynne still doens’t get it.
I guess maybe it is because Lynne doesn’t know how to read so she can’t read the book Alexa got her, on how to ground a teenager, that is the reason Bravo won’t give Lynne a blog either. They even gave the other dumb house ho’s one. Even Kim Zolciak and Alexis Bellino have a Bravo blog and those Bitches are dumb, but they can still write something at least. Even thought Alexis blog has to pass her master’s Jimbo’s approval and he proofreads it for her, she still gets to write something it. If she writes something that Jimbo considers wrong he will usually back hand smack her in the mouth. That’s why her lips are plump then he makes her delete it and dictates her what she should write.
But poor Lynne when Bravo asked her to sign her contract that of course she dind’t read, she signed it with an ‘X’ and they realized she was iliterate so the producers said, don’t give that Bitch a blog.
Since Lynne is clueless about how to approach her daughter Alexa instead of just grounding her for acting like an ass and not understanding when she is grounded, she takes her shopping. I guess Lynne thinks that grounding a girl is taking her to the mall shopping instead of taking her home and having a parent to child talk and give her chores to do or grounding her from the phone because of the bullshit she likes to pull.
How come Lynne looks like a shrinking 80 year old lady when she is driving that 95 Beemer? She is all sitting forward with her back hunched over like Mr. Burns from the Simpson’s.
Alexa complains that her parents don’t ground her and that instead of just yelling at her they should really do something. You mean like beat her ass? Then Alexa bitched her mom Lynne out for turning her to the Youthologist Vanessa who is really some other woman who is burly older than Alexa and Alexa asks Lynne what is this woman supposed to know about raising a teenager? Lynne doesn’t even know what to say to Alexa and just takes her in the mall . Alexa wants her mom to do her job as a mom and wants her mom to ground her? Yeap.
Alexa stars crying, because instead of taking her shopping Lynne starts talking to Alexa about being respectful to her. At that same moment when Alexa started crying like a bratty little shit Lynne should of dragged Alexa out of the mall by her hair and said ‘fuck this! I am not buying you shit get in the car!’ then she should of taken her phone for a month and the situation would of ended there. But nooo!
While at the mall you can see how gradually Lynne’s brand new face starts to fall off because of the stress of talking to Alexa. Lynne is so afraid of Alexa.
The whole scene starts to turn very ugly when Alexa starts to use curse words at Lynne it all scalates to the point where Alexa calls Lynne a ‘Bitch’ and tells her she only cares about herself and her stupid cuffs and throws the cuff on the table, and also tell Lynne to kiss her ass . Lynne just sits there looking at Alexa in surprise and doesn’t know what to say to her.
Lynne just lets her freshly implanted face fall off and her old face came back. I could not believe that! If that was my kid she would really be calling me the ‘devil’ I would of made sure I gave her something to cry about. Lynne don’t know what to say to her teenage child who is disrespecting her in public at the South Coast Plaza on national TV in front of God and everybody at that! Lynne just sits there with a dumb look on her face like usual and stutters some lame ass shit that doesn’t make sense like ‘ g-girl the world is your stage’.
Alexa continues her tirade of disrespect towards Lynne , and walks away from Lynne. Stupid Lynne walks behind Alexa kissing her ass and not really doing anything like smacking that child across the face so that she could taste her own blood.
If my kid who is also a teenager pulled that bullshit stunt that Alexa pulled on Lynne, I would of smacked her so hard in front of the cameras she would of being farting teeth out of her butt. My kid tells me I am ruining her life when I ground her and take away her phone, not let her go out etc. Oh well, I always say to myself she’ll get over it. That’s what Lynne needs to do, she also needs to quit sniffing glue and eating magic mushrooms. Lynne should of waited for that bong hit until after she dealt with Alexa’s punk ass.
And now lets check in with the $2 dollar Circus Teetie Church Whore Alexis and her creepie master of puppet huusband Jimbo:
Alexis and her circus teeties is cooking hard boiled eggs for her lord a master Jimbo. She is very tired from watching the maid make the beds, and this heating up coffee in the microwave shit is tiring. Alexis asks Jimbo if she can have a cooking party for her and the other Bitches so that she can fullfill her dying wish of bringing Tamra and Gretchen back together again as friends and also so that they can each taste each others whatever… After dumb ass Alexis says ‘taste each other’s whatever’ Jimbo gets all excited and likes the idea of Alexis having a cooking party so that he can check out the other Bitches rack from the peeping hole he installed.
Alexis starts talking, then Jimbo shuts Alexis up and she apologizes for rambling on like a little chatter box. Jimbo tells her, ‘do you want my input or did you decide how it’s gonna go’ Bitch, then he smacked her around a couple of times and shouted ‘were my eggs at ho!’. He dictates to her exactly on what to do to get Tamra and Gretchen to be friends again, so that they can all end up going on vacation together this way he can tag along on the vacation and check out the other racks longer.
While Jimbo tells Alexis what to do she is attentively listening while nodding and drinking her coffee and all of that coffeee is driping on the sides of Alexis coffee mug, because her duck lips are too lose, that red stuff on her dirty coffee mug is not lipstick. It’s blood from when Jimbo smacks the shit out of her. It’s a hard job being a trophy wife.
Tamra admits her house is in short sale and cleans her garage to sell her house Simon fallls off the pogo stick. Boring!
Vicki and Donn go on date night diarrhea was dripping from the waitresess hair because a seagull decided to shit on the waitress. Vicki is screaming at the diarrhea on the poor waitress hair. The damn bird kept flying around shitting on that poor waitress hair. Now she will always be remembered as the diarrhea seagull waitress Vicki orders that waitress to go clean herself up ‘go wash your hair you’re a drooper’.
Donn helped the waitress. Vicki was horrified. That shit was funny that poor waitress is gonna have to wash her hair in the kitchen sink. Vicki and Donn make fun of the waitress what a fun night they’re having. After that whole thing Donn gave Vicki a gaudy pimp ring.Vicki says it’s almost six carats. Vicki takes off the ring and says ‘I don’t deserve this’ I’ll beat yo’ ass with it. The next night Vicki punched Donn in the eye with that ring. They’re so happy together. Happy bastards! God Bless them!
Gretchen says she didn’t get money from Jeff. You know that Bitch is lying because if she was broke Slade would not go out with her, well maybe for the ass because she is cute in a big head, bulimia sort of way. Although she is starting to get the Joker Face eyebrows going from the botox. Well maybe Gretchen is running out of the 2.5 million that she supposedly dind’t get.
Vicki her two grown children and her employees are having a meeting. Vicki says she dont like ho’s that spend all day at the gym sleep till 10 and not work or do shit just like oh,… Alexis and Tamra. Were Tamra is at; Alexis is going. Vicki bitches her kids into working, and gives them a seminar about how to manage your money, Michael and Brianna are smart asses to Hurricane Vicki and say they will just spend their money and blow it on bullshit. Brianna calls her mom a picker.
Well Hurricane Vicki is a crazy Bitch but her insanity serves a purpose. Vicki bustes her ass because blow, booze and male whores, costs money, Bitches! Those other Bitches need to learn Hurricane Vicki’s work ethic. Specially Lynne, because face lifts and smoking a pound of weed a week cost a lot of money and nobody is buying those bullshit cuffs.
Speaking of Lynne the Bitch is desperate and turns to her mom for help in dealing with her out of control teenage demon daughter Alexa. Lynne tells her mom she needs help. Lynne wants to pawn Alexa off on her mom.Lynne asks her mom if she could send Alexa to grandma boot camp. Grandma boot camp? That little shit needs real boot camp instead of fixing her chankla face, (which didn’t make much of a difference) Lynne should of used that money to pay her rent buy groceries and send Alexa to real boot camp. Lynne’s mom tells her to get off the glue now.
Jim is in charge of the kids haircut too he also tells everyone what to do at the haircutting place. Alexis says that Jimbo jr is just like his dad. That is very scary, you mean he is making more of him. These fuckers are creepy.
Vicki dind’t go to Alexis cooking get togeter because it was on a work day at 1pm. That’s why she is not in foreclosure.
Lynne showed up holding an open wine bottle, looking like a crack ho’ her hair was not even done she stunk of wine and was drunk off her ass. Wearing a very short mini and gogo boots ‘ho’ wife say what?’.
Alexis wants those bitches to get along so she gives all the drunken Bitches knifes. Then they all started sword fighting .Stupid Alexis is too stupid to cook she don’t know how to coook anyways. So she has to get 2 chefs to cook for her.
I think Lynne popped some acid too. The cooks thought those bitches where stupid and wanted to poison them. Did ya’ all see the cooks face , he wanted to laugh at stupid Tamra when she was trying to do a stripper move and take off her apron all sexy, then Alexis told her ‘don’t strangle yourself’.
They keep showing clips of Lynne getting more wasted sucking on booze. Lynne complains about the amount of butter being used on the food and says she will have to extra work out to get rid of the extra weigth! I am starting to think this ho’ is not on weed because that shit gives you the munchies and Lynne would not want that. Maybe that ho’ just sniffs glue like it’s going out of style. Because then she says all retarted like ‘ I still don’t know what we’re doing I wasn’t paying attention!’. Pendeja!
Alexis starts her shit about those 2 bitches becoming friends again. Tamra says she don’t like that Bitch starting her shit.But Tamra and Gretchen are too drunk, tired and over the whole Gretchen and Tamra dilemma, war bullshit just like everyone else is.
Lynne looks like shit and her old face came back after that Alexa fight.Then she tells the bitches her hubby is hung like a horse. That’s gross! I don’t want to know about that fucking shit drunk Bitch!
Gretchen brings up a touchy subject she knew would piss Lynne off and asks Lynne ‘how are your girls.. How is Alexa?’ Lynne’s look on her face should of warned her to stop right there; because that Bitch got pissed. Then Gretchen kept on pushing Lynne’s drunken irrational buttons.
Alexis realizes that trying to bring Tamra and Gretchen together as friends and being the ‘peacemaker’ and martyr,only backfired on her dumbass and now she feels stupid. Well, she better get used to feeling stupid she is on RHOC isn’t she?
Then Gretchen finally found Lynnes drunken Bitch button and pushed that shit when she told Lynne ‘Just because you pop a child out between your legs it doesn’t give you the…God right to know how to parent!’ this is where Lynne lost it. ‘Bullshit!!’ she screamed. And it all went to shit from then on. Then Lynne got an evil angry look I’ve never seen on that Bitch and she pointed at Gretchen while she sturder ‘fuck you!’ Now where was this angry Lynne when she was at the mall with Alexa? This ugly angry Lynne is the one that needed to be there at the mall, that Bitch can look scary. I bet if she went off on her daughter the way she went off on Gretchen and her kid saw the ugly scary face she had when yelling at Gretchen she would behave.I mean she already looks scary but the look she had on her face when she yelled at Gretchen was super scarier and fuglier than her usual dumb look, she could scare a child and give them nightmares for life!
Lynne yells at Gretchen more and calls her a big internet whore who has no right giving advice on a teenager. Alexis says that kids can be difficult because the nannies tell her about that kind of shit. Then Lynne cries and goes completely ape shit and whinnes about ‘trying to be a good mom’ yada, yada and some bullshit about ‘it’s hard living in Orange County when their friends are getting BMW’s for their birthday’ I guess Raquel’s used Beemer got repoed. This Bitch should just realize she can’t afford Orange County and move somewhere else than instead of keeping up with the Joneses. Or she can take Hurricane Vicki’s money management course to manage her Bravo paycheck. Then Lynne continues the whine and crying campaing some more and she says ‘be afraid, be very afraid!’ while sobbing. She tells Alexis to be afraid because her little angels will grow horns by the time they hit puberty. That’s why you got to take the bull by the horn before those horns get too long.
Jacqueline Laurita’s 19 year daughter, Ashley Holmes was found guilty of pulling Danielle Staub’s (Joker Face) hair extensions out and was fined $189.00 including $33 dollars for court fees, which I am sure that her mom and dad paid for. So she probably don’t give a shit anyways when she starts working for the family business, it’s not like they gonna do a background check on her ass and in that ‘Family’ it’s not like it matters either.
If I was the Judge I would of given Ashley an award for yanking that Bitches hair extentions out, since all the Bitches in the NJ House Ho cast and shit load of the audience been wanting to yank that Ho’s weave out since the show’s first episode.Oh come on! Admit it you know you all had fantasies about yanking that ho’s weave out, we all have! Ashley was the only one with the ‘Cojones’ to do that shit. Damn right!
I see a future NJ House Bitch here.
Also earlier last week Joker Face was in a car wreck while driving somewhere with her daughter. But don’t worry she survived so when she comes back we can keep poking fun at her ass.
Joker Face must of hit her head pretty hard on the dashboard of her car, because lately Bitch is running around saying some delusional bullshit, that she is a ‘Born Again Virgin’. Joker Face needs to shut her mouth and quit trying to be something she is obviously not, she should just stick to what she knows best, ‘whore’ is all she knows best, and that’s what she should stick with, her dumb ass saying she is a virgin all over again is like leaving Charles Manson in charge of a daycare.
That Bitch is like McDonald’s her new introductory phrase should be ‘Over1 billion customers served, and counting’that should the shit she says at the beginning. I bet once they take that Bitch off the 64 different type of pain meds she is on, for her car wreck, she should be back to normal and be her old whory self again; and then she will become a ‘Born Again Slut”.
Ex-boyfriend Jay Photoglou is taking his beef to court against Gretchen Rossi to sue her for punitive damages and for denying that they were once an item. In the lawsuit Jay states that he began dating Gretchen in 2008 and she told Jay that she was the caregiver to an ex-boyfriend who was dying of cancer.
That following year Jay Photoglou and Gretchen Rossi were known in their circle of friends as ‘a couple’ and would do everything together . Sometime in March 2008 Slade Slimey and Jo De La Rosa who ran in that same circle of friends , told Gretchen they could get her a spot on the Real Housewives show. So while on the show they portrayed her as the fiancee of a dying old man while she was really bumping uglies with Jay Photoglou, who was her true boyfriend.
Also on a upcoming episode Gretchen continually lies to Vicki about the amount of money she got from Jeff Beitzel this irritated Hurricane Vicki to no end.
Lynne and Frank Curtin appeared in court yesterday. The Curtin’s are finally admitting that they are not ‘gazillionaires’ and that all the money they are shown throwing around is just a whole lot bullshit fronting, for the purpose of the TV show. Noo, you, don’t say?! And here I thought they were gazillionaires, wiping their asses with hundreds (roll eyes). And now these financial geniuses, that they are, may have to file for chapter 11 bankruptcy. Sucks to be them!
Real housewife of Orange County Lynne Curtin and her husband Frank might declare bankruptcy as they face a $1.26 million court judgment, their attorney said Wednesday.
Lynne Curtin said their “The Real Housewives of Orange County” salary “Just gets us by. Most people think we get $100,000 an episode — that’s not us. I wish it was.”
The lawsuit judgment against the Curtins is over real estate development deals gone sour. Bankruptcy is “an option to consider…they need to talk it over,” said the couple’s attorney, Franklin Casco Jr.
Frank Curtin said he hoped the dispute ends with an informal resolution.
When the Curtins answered a morning case call, Riverside County Superior Court Judge Bernard J. Schwartz tossed the arrest warrants he was holding for them.
He issued them last month when they failed to show for a scheduled hearing.
After being sworn in, the Curtins and MercuryManzano, the real estate investor who sued them, went with their attorneys into closed meetings at the courthouse to discuss information about assets.
The groups met through the morning before a lunch break. Attorneys for both sides said it was unlikely the matter would be resolved soon.
During the morning, Frank Curtin and Manzano chatted in the courthouse hallway in an apparently friendly conversation. Frank Curtin described the dispute as a disagreement over money, without animosity between the parties.
The Curtins are not “gazillionaires,” Lynn said.
“We are portrayed as being real wealthy,” Frank Curtin said. “It’s a television show. It’s blown out of proportion. The economy took a real beating, and we are still trying to recover from that,” he said.
The couple’s financial problems have become part of the show. They have dealt with four eviction notices since 2007. The show’s Web site says Frank’s construction business “has screeched to a halt in a troubled economy.”
A default judgment issued in July 2008 says the Curtins, plus Frank’s brother Christopher, owe Manzano more than $1.26 million.
The trio never responded to the lawsuit’s allegations that they failed to repay loans floated to them by Manzano.
He sued the Curtins as joint property owners, along with Christopher, in 2007. Christopher is identified in the lawsuit as a resident of San Bernardino County. His name has since been left out of the proceedings.
Manzano’s lawsuit claimed Frank and Christopher “held themselves out as experienced contractors and developers of residential property.”
Manzano said he made a series of loans between 2005 and 2006 to the pair secured by deeds of trust on two Laguna Beach properties.
When the Curtins failed to repay the loans, Manzano foreclosed on the two Laguna Beach properties, but claimed he lost $325,000 on the deal because of advance mortgage payments due to others.
I was seriously waiting for something like this to happen in one of the housewives shows and it finally did. This Bitch Alexis with her big ass platipus lips has made my day. Not only did this ho’ look ridiculous in last nights episode while confronting that other woman (who by the way looked waaay better and cuter than Alexis) but also her huuusband evil reverend Jafar Jimbo is a fucking dirty dog!
Yeap! The more they show this Bitch and her controlling, fugly, fat, bald, old huusband the more I can see throught their transparent Bible made up of bullshit.
I didn’t see when this dude was getting hit on by that cute petite girl, who next to Alexis looked like a real woman. Yes I can see who the real crossdresser is! Next to that girl, Alexis looked like a man in drag with a blonde wig, hell, that tuperware crossdresser Quesadilla was way more feminine and sexy looking than Alexis, I bet Jimbo was gona go hit on her next. And NO Alexis NO ONE wants to fight you, not because of your bicepts it’s because you look like a man! A big scary man at that.
I bet what happened was that Jimbo saw that girl and was hitting on her, and deep down inside Alexis knows it was Jimbo sniffing on that other chick not the other way around. But Alexis, is either too stupid or brainwashed, or afraid of her lord, master and dictator Jimbo to either admit or see that he is shopping around for her next replacement or for a side dish, and Alexis feels threatened by that, and she knows if she confronts Jimbo of being the dog he is just gonna beat her ass so she went after that girl Mel because she was an easier target and it was better to blame it on her.
No wonder that Bitch Alexis was all insecure that little, young girl Jimbo was hitting on (because I bet it was him!) was all beautiful, petite and dark haired didn’t have platypus lips injected with pig fat, or embalming fluid- botox or even big, ugly, scary, fake circus tits. That girl looked real and Alexis just looked plain scary next to her . Shit, now that I take a good look at Alexis next to an actual pretty woman I don’t believe she is 32 she looks more like 42. Whatever happened to ‘I trust Jim with you naked on a boat, he is a godly man!’
When Alexis was all insecure confronting that other woman, Jimbo was looving every minute of it. I agree with that ho’ Gretchen on this one. Fucking Gretchen was clowning on Alexis and who wouldn’t? That Bitch Alexis made a complete ass of herself in front of all the Bitches at that party. The best part was when that other woman yells ” he is not attractive! her husband is not attractive no one is hitting on her husband!” And Gretchen busted up laughing, then everyone laughed! Fuck that was funny! And true.
No one wants to hit on Jimbo. That neanderthal looking fucktard, is not only fugly as sin but he always looks and acts angry, he is controlling, is an asshole, has the personality of a caveman, and treats that dumb ho’ like she is 7 years old. That Bitch is so brainwashed she cannot even see it. The only thing that women may see in that fugly, fucktard huusband of hers is the fact that he has money (for now!) that is all he has going for himself, but with these housewives shows who knows how much of that money is just smoke and mirrors covered in bullshit.
The reason why Jimbo was talking to Alexis all nice and calm (because I never see him do that shit before!) was because of guilt he knew there was fucking cameras all around and was nervous that they may of catch him being sneaky and try to hit on that little cute girl. Watch his body language and face expressions. It tells it all. And no it wasn’t the editing, Jimbo is so transparent he may as well be made out of glass. His actions were the actions of an asshole that almost got caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing and Alexis doesn’t see how stupid he makes her look. When Alexis was yelling at that other woman did ya’ all see Jimbo’s face he was smirking and for a few seconds starts ogling at that other woman like she was a piece of meat. He is disgusting!
And then at the limo, when Gretchen brought up the incident one more time his ass looked away like he knew he was guilty, my brother, who used to be a player, was visiting me and watched that part with me and agreed that Jimbo looked guilty.
It was so hilarious when Jimbo tries to lie and said:
’I'm pretty naive when a girl is hitting on me’ MY ASS!
Gretchen Rossi has recently told OK Magazine that the Tamra and Simon divorce may be a well thought out strategic publicity famewhore stunt “…I guess well have to see if it’s really true,” Since Gretchen don’t want to talk about Tamra and wants to stay out of the drama she went on running her fat mouth: “because I wouldn’t be surprised if we see them next year back together and this was a whole publicity stunt.”
After Gretchen clowned on Tamra for her divorce she wished her well:
“I think divorce is a horrible thing for anybody and I pray that her kids can make it through, but at the same time… But if it is real I hope that they can get through it, but I just hope they are not trying to fool the world,”
Then Gretchen went on to say she is only friends with that heffa Alexis:
“I chose to keep positive people in my life that are uplifting and those girls, except Alexis, aren’t like that and I really don’t have an ill word to speak about them. They are who they are and their true colors show and I just don’t care to really talk one way or the other about them,”
Gretchen also insists that her boyfriend Slade Slimey is a saint and a good father and ignorant bitches can’t talk about him ’cause they don’t know him:
“It’s been really frustrating lately because people have so many negative things to say about him and it’s hard for me because he is one of the most amazing men I have ever met,” Gretchen gushes to OK!, “And it bothers me that the women have a comment about his children or how he is as a father when they have never even seen him around his children and they don’t know anything about the situation. It’s very ignorant…”
That Bitch also says: “I want to have kids of my own!”Yeah I’d like to see that bullshit in about 11 years after Slimey impregnated her ass, spend her money, and don’t pay child support.
We start with Vicki taking a walk with Donn and thanking him for not being a clingy controlling asshole that tells her what to do. Cough Cough Simon, Jimbo Cough Slimey. Then Vicki decided to pull a letter out of her ass, and reads a love poem /letter thanking Donn for not being a dick. Then she thanks him for bending over and dressing up like a cheerleader for her. Vicki continues to thank Donn for being a good huusband and letting Vicki have the penis.
Wow, I guess the presence of the other fucktard huusbands of the other ho’s made Hurricane Vicki realize what a good wooped huusband she has and how obedient he is compare to dipshits like Jimbo for example. Yep she realizes how good she has it. And so Vicki has finally realized that other men don’t want her crazy old ass and Donn is a pretty good catch for her to keep. So Vicki swooped Donn off his feet and is a few minutes they were in some Caribbean dream island were hurricane Vicki wrecked havock having conch and booze with Donn. Hurricane Vicki also molested her corciegne because he had a nice smile; and that’s the type of shit Hurricane Vicki likes to do when she is traveling coked out of her skull, in exotic islands where people have nice teeth.
We also saw Stepford wife Alexis playing bubbles with her kids and then she starts preaching some crazy spewage about how she has to go to church in her best hooker stilettos because she doesn’t want the devil to try and hump her.
Scary ass Jafar looking motherfucking Jimbo starts to preach all scary to the camera about how he hopes to someday start his own cult church and how he lays hands on his family every day to bless them and blah, blah, blah. Right after that Jimbo is yelling at his kids and barking orders at the nanny telling her to put the kids in time out. I feel sorry for his servants. Perfect Stepford wifey Alexis continues preaching about what a perfect wife and mother she is ’cause if she is NOT reverend Jimbo is gonna whoop her ass with his 10 pound bible.
Tamra asks her kids if they missed her and Simon while they were in Florida and the kids said they dind’t give a shit since they never see their parents too much since they keep hiring hobos to watch them while they are away being drunken, drama queens, at parties and the Housewife shows. Tamra asks her younger daughter if she wants to go somewhere with her and Simon and the little girl asks ‘who is gonna watch me?’because Tamra never takes her kids anywhere.That sux! Tamra starts begging her daughter to go somewhere with her and Simon and little Sophia says she don’t want to go anywhere with them. You know what. I am skipping over that shit too depressing!
Suddenly an evil beetle who was sent by Gretchen to assassinate Tamra appears out of nowhere and Tamra screams ‘holy mother of balls!’ Lucky for Tamra the beetle misses her. Tamra and Simon start to bitch and argue over Tamra’s friendship with Hurricane Vicki. Simon tells Tamra to lose that bitch if she wants to stay married to him. Tamra says that Simon and Vicki compete with each other to be the Alpha males. Maybe this is the infidelity Simon accused Tamra of. She was having an affair with Vicki! AH HA!
Tamra wants to make amends with Gretchen so that Tamra can beat her ass again. Simon tells Tamra he don’t want her hanging around that rat Gretchen and that he is tired of the trailer park style drama Tamra gets into. Then he asks Tamra how come after all these years, she is still acting and behaving the same way she did when Simon first met her and she lived at the trailer park .Back then Tamra was also getting into cat fights and drama with jealousy and gossip and stupid skanky bitches.
Simon just doesn’t understand how he was able to take Tamra out of the trailer park but he could not get the trailer park out of Tamra? It was puzzling. Simon wants to hang around good wholesome people and doesn’t want gutter ho’s like Gretchen hanging around Tamra and his children because he is protective. He has also been taking lessons from Reverend Jafar Jimbo on being more controlling. Jimbo has taught Simon some valuable lessons like for example how it is better to smack a bitch with an open hand not with a closed fist, smacking a ho’ that way is better for the ho’ since that also plumps up her lips. Why do you think Alexi’s lips look like rubber band lips all the time? It’s not only from whale fat injections.
Simon tries to use a brain washing technique with Tamra that Jimbo taught him. By convincing Tamra that they’re marriage works and they are happy. But Simon fails miserably at his attempt to brainwash Tamra because she is a stubborn Bitch plus Tamra has taken lessons from Hurricane Vicki at not letting a man tell you how you feel so she just spits on Simon’s face and that gives him his answer.
Alexis and Jimbo go to some free church were they allow hookers and strippers to show up dressed for work. Well ho’s need to go to church too and so do preacher guys with southern accents who play guitar and like young pretty girls and church scandals.
That church Alexis and Jimbo attend was too loud and with sucky wanna-be-rock music to boot. They were probably offending Jesus with that awful music.
I am old fashioned I think you need to keep your rock & roll music separate from your church music. Last time Metallica’s contract with the Devil expired their albums were sucking then they renewed their contract with Satan and their music kicked ass again. And I thought contracts with Satan didn’t expired. Besides church is a place where you’re supposed to go to sleep and rest. I want a quiet church were I can take a nice nap and be woken up after the sermon is over. This works really good when recovering from partying and drinking the night before at a rock concert. See how that works? By the way I don’t go to church or believe in the devil so I am not trying to offend anyone religious.
The preacher starts spewing some stuff about not crying in your Starbucks and getting over it. By this time into the sermon I would of been sleeping and in my third dream already.While the preacher talks about how you have to stop winning and worrying about what someone else says about you Alexis was looking around all the other people sitting around her and while agreeing with the preacher she was pointing at everyone else saying see he is talking to you guilty unchristian heathens, I am more christian than you! I don’t do shit like that!
That Bitch was going off then she started attacking the other house ho’s and judging them she kept going off ,spewing more crazy preachy shit, by saying:the preacher was talking directly to the other house ho’s they all talk crap about each other and are not christian they are all going to hell except for me because I am christian.
Alexis brags about how she is very christian and is fortunate and blessed to have the baby machine and slave to Jimbo lifestyle, the nanny’s, the complicated multiple margaritas in mid day, and of course the porn size boobs, and how she is better and everyone else sucks and she is going to rise in a cloud with Jesus even though she is a famewhore and looks down at everyone else. Oh yeah, and she is NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THAT!. WOW! What a self righteous Bitch. I wonder what Jesus would say about all her shenanigans?. That’s a crystal cathedral waiting to crash and it will crash hard. Oh well but that’s why Jesus invented Karma for people like Alexis.
Tamra says that Alexis and Jimbo did not appear as church folk to her. She also doesn’t understand how Alexis and Jimbo are trying to keep the devil out when the devil would love to hump Alexis cc’s. I think that’s what she said? I don’t know what the fuck cc’s are but then again I don’t have fake boobs either. As a a matter of fact I am afraid to death to have fake plastic shit inserted in me. I watched this show called 1000 ways to die and this woman who had humongous porn size boobs was on a plane high up in the air and they exploded and she bled to death! True story! After I saw that show with the exploding boobs whenever I see Alexis fake cleavage, I wait for her boobs to explode . Great now I have that image burned in my brain! GROSS!
Gretchen is high as a kite as usual, giggling and clapping her hands all retarded like, she cannot even clap right because she misses and says she wants some of that christian in her cleavage because she has no boobies ; specially now that she has been snorting a lot of meth and partying on 2 week binges she looks super sucked up and where her boobs used to be there is only a hollow cavity. Bitch don’t need boobs she needs to get off the meth and a sandwich!
Gretchen gets nice and ready and coked out of her skull, to go visit with Lynne’s daughter Alexa because she believes Alexa is depressed and Gretchen wants to be a good example and a role model to young girls.
When Gretchen calls Lynne to get her okay to take Alexa somewhere and interrogate her; Lynne is nice and high and agrees to everything Gretchen says she also tells Gretchen ahead of time that, Alexa may leak out the family secret that they beat Alexa.
Damn! Well they are not beating her enough, I tell you what, if anything they need to beat her ass more so she is not running around drunk off her ass, buck wild with every Tom, Dick and Harry all over Orange County.
Gretchen takes Alexa to some second hand store to shop for 2 dollars shirts. Then she tells Alexa that she knows Alexa is depressed because she hears her tell Lynne how depressed she is and how she needs to have a beer. Gretchen gets all preachy on Alexa and tells her she is concerned about her well being. Gretchen feels that she is the expert, in giving children who are about to end up on drugs or pregnant, advice since she knows all about being on drugs, bulimic and naked on the internet since she is doing that shit right now as we speak.
Gretchen says all her orgy toilet pictures, cheating on dying fiancee escapades, were done in the name of research since she also holds a degree in child psychology and all.
Alexa gets caught off guard when Gretchen demands she tells her what is going on with her depressing life, because she is a concerned big sister type. Alexa doesn’t know if she should hug Gretchen, or beat the shit out her right there and then, at the clothing store in front of God and everybody.
Gretchen’s approach to forcing Alexa to open up to her was genius she put a little teenage girl who is totally embarrassed by her embarrassing family, on blast and put the spotlight on her problems. Even though Lynne’s daughters are little shits it is no wonder those girls don’t want to go to school or be successful. I be embarrassed and fucked up too, having Lynne and Frank for parents and crazy Bitches like Gretchen up in my shit. That sux!
After Alexa remembers Gretchen’s girls gone wild on the Internet dildo pictures she decides that she didn’t like that ho’ trying to give her advice on being depressed since she is the biggest gold digging famewhore who dates douche bags named Slimey and has slept with dying old millionaires who left her money while she cheated and partied and posed for erotic toilet modeling pictures.
Lynne snuck into the fitness center at some hotel to work out with Alexa she also brought Alexa along to make sure her new face transplant doesn’t fall off this way in case that shit happens she has someone there to help her duct tape her face back on.
Lynne asks Alexa about her shopping trip with Gretchen Alexa tells Lynne that since Gretchen is just some gold digging, orgy participant, toilet dildo model, who is naked wasted and coked out all the time Alexa feels she doesn’t need to listen to Gretchen, and Gretchen should not be giving her any advice, she also states that Gretchen is a run down 40 year old whore who needs to quit pretending she is close to Alexa’s age and has the authority on counseling out of control teenagers, besides Alexa can fuck up her own life all on her own. Without some 40 year old grannie’s help. Since Lynne was high at the time she don’t remember allowing Gretchen to take Alexa shopping and so becomes outraged at Gretchen’s nerve both Lynne and Alexa agree that Gretchen is a gutter whore who ambushed Alexa by taking the pressure off her self, and make it about Alexa because she is an easy target.
Hurricane Vicki kidnapped Donn to Turkey Caicos and told him that they are falling in love all over again wheter Donn likes it or not! Vicki says that if someone says‘money doesn’t matter they were poor!’ Darn right Bitch that’s why you bust yo’ ass peddling insurance so that you can afford to vacation and don’t end up broke and in the trailer park condo like Tamra if Donn ever leaves yo’ ass.
Hurricane Vicki gets drunk of her ass on Caribbean Rum Punch and visits a Conch bar to eat Conch wich is the viagra of the sea Vicki is drunk off her ass already and she stumbling drunk when the Conch guy is killing the Conch and taking out the conch dick . Vicki tells Donn to eat the conch so that he can get horny and take her back to the room. The Conch guy tells them that after Donn eats those 7 buckets of Conch dick they will not come out of their room or see the rest of the day. And he was right. Vicki and Donn finally consummated their relationship. The only other time they had sex with each other was two months after they got married back in the early 1980’s. It was Vicki’s idea. After that, Vicki decided they each need their own room and have kept it that way since, and now almonst 3 decades later they had sex again. Miracles do happen!
Tamra is out with that guy Marcos, who is supposedly her real state co worker. That Marcos sure looks like Simon’s little brother. Look at his nose and hair he resembles Simon. Tamra says Simon didn’t want to go look at houses with her and Marcos so she decided to go with Marcos. I wonder if this is the guy Simon is accusing her of being unfaithful with? I am sure Simon didn’t want to go because, he was planning to give her the boot anyways and instead of looking at those million dollar homes she should of being looking at government low income housing.
Tamra tells that other man WHO IS NOT HER HUSBAND! How she used to live in that neighborhood, and she used to be the happiest back then but now Simon hates her, and he is on her shit list, and she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Damn! Tamra’s ass sure looks flat with those Peggy Bundy capris, maybe she needs to put some of that silicone from her teeties on her butt to make it even.
Vicki decides it is time to seal the deal and tell Donn that he is her Bitch permanently, because Vicki is tired of the games from the younger Sancho’s she has being playing with, when on her many business trips. So she tells Donn that in the morning they are renewing their wedding vows on that beach whether Donn likes it or not . Donn almost has a heart attack you can see it on his face and body language, dude looks like his heart just sunk to his stomach. Then he starts crying and begging Vicki not to force him to marry her again. Yep he was crying the whooole time. Like a little Bitch too! His face was all wet and eyes all red from tears non stop from the time Vicki told him they were getting married, because she didn’t propose, she told him, and throughout that night, when Vicki told Donn they were having sex. Donn cried while sex then the next day at the ceremony Donn was crying also the whole time he cried. He only paused for a few minutes when Vicki made the ceremony about the one and a half carats, princess cut diamond ring, she bought him they were talking like 20 minutes about that shit. Hey but at least it wasn’t 7 carats! After they were done admiring the ring Donn went back to sobbing and crying.
Vicki also told Donn he must break up with his maid/mistress Rosita when they get back to OC and Donn wasn’t liking that shit. As a matter of fact he was devastated; but didn’t argue with Hurricane Vicki because he was afraid of her. Vicki should just be cool and let Donn have Rosita on the side, after all Vicki has gardner Fernando and when they both get back to OC they can all be one big happy, infidelity, alcoholic, dysfunctional, family. Like they been all these years.
And now that we saw those two love birds get married and live happily ever after we must turn to some depressing shit and visit Tamra and her mother who are having lunch at some restaurant that isn’t MacDonald’s, so it is a new experience for Tamra’s mom. Tamra of course has to bring up Gretchen and talks to her mom Sandy about how she is trying to patch things up with Gretchen because she loves drama.
Then Tamra starts teasing her momma about getting dumped for her best friend by Tamra’s dad and so Tamra’s mom Sandy gets back at Tamra and brings up Tamra’s own problems with Simon to remind that Bitch to focus on her own problems. Suddenly the scene turns into a Spanish Telenovela and Tamra covers her face and starts fake crying.
That Bitches face doesn’t even move it just stays straight and no tears come out at all. Her mom’s face is all stiff too you don’t know if they are laughing or crying . Tamra asks her mom what does Simon want since he is driving Tamra mad and her mom tells her he wants a housewife not a ho’. Tamra did not understand the concept.Then Tamra tells her momma that if it wasn’t for the kids she would of left Simon’s punk ass already and found a richer sugar daddy. This is probably why Simon served her with divorce papers and kicked her to the curb.
Then Tamra says that the last thing she wants to do is be 42 divorced with 3 kids living in a condo. Maybe this should be her new opening line.
