Teresa’s daughter Gia did not get the part in the movie with the Rock; so now Teresa is taking Gia to a modeling agency to get little Gia hooked up with modeling gigs. On the way to the agency Teresa gets lost and is fighting with her GPS system, she starts making ape sounds and hitting the GPS with her fists all crazy, little Gia is laughing at her mama for being a loony ass then after beating on the  GPS with her closed fists and headbutting it a couple of times the whole fucking thing falls apart then she trows it out the window. There goes $700.00 dollars! Oh well who gives a shit!

They finally get to their appointment just to get bitch slapped by some lady named Willamina for bringing pictures that look “too pageanty”. Teresa doesn’t let that bitch slap her, so she bitch slaps her back and tells that Ho the pictures costs her $800.00 dollars .

Teresa is pissed off that she had to drive all the way from Joysey to this dump get into a fists fight with the GPS just to have some old bitch tell her the damn pictures ain’t good enough,she ends up getting bitch slapped again by that old lady. Even though that tough old lady slaps Teresa around she likes Gia, because little Gia gives Willamina her business card and she is cute about it too. Teresa has not choice but let old lady Willamina win; and then she packs Gia and goes back home to take more expensive pictures and give it one more try.

Dina is with her celebrity chef brother Jaime. He is working on some project for a megastar and wants a black sofa that Dina tells him his ass will stick to. Jamie is also a great wife!

Joker face is rock climbing with her daughters to stay fit. Although she still looks like a tore up crack ho. She says that she always liked to take care of her body, its part of who she is; except when she was coked out and prostituting and drug cartel dick sucking from 1971 till 1992 and occasionally now on weekends, and maybe Tuesday nights. Coke is a hell of a drug!

Joker faces daughter, says she don’t like the way that Steve treats her mom and that Steve is a weirdo, so is Joker face! But the poor kid cant tell the difference. Still, Joker face should listen to her child and not bring weird men around them and just dump his weird ass!

God Mother Caroline is still pushing Mini Me to go to cosmetology school and open up a spa. Mimi Me still refuses to shave any one’s chucky or bivi? is that what she said? HA HA HA !

Mini Me says she knows she has to listen or she will be cut off!

Mini me is dragged to the beauty school she sees all the ass hairs on the floor with wax on them and throws up!

What the hell is all that shit that Teresa is lugging around? Oh she is moving little Gia to the photo studios until they make her look unpageanty or whatever the crap that word is. Teresa brings the whole SUV full of cases and duffel bags of clothes shoes and accessories all 280 of them! They take some many pics of little Gia on one of the shots she even almost gets hit by a car because she runs out to the middle of the street, because she goes crazy from all those cameras snapping.

The photographer decides to take a picture rather than push her out of the way, luckily little Gia jumped on the hood of the vehicle and did an acrobatic move that could only be performed by Spiderman himself; then she landed on her feet and told everyone including her mom to kiss her butt, because she was tired and wanted to go home and watch cartoons! So she left  and went to hide in her luxury tree house and her photo shoot wasn’t complete. Oh well, that’s what happens when you try to get a 7 year old to pose for pictures for 6 days straight!

The big botox party!

Joker face is throwing a big botox party and invites Teresa, Jacquie, even The God Mother  and Dina are invited. Even thought she hates them.

Joker face has the plastic surgeon perform plastic surgery in front of all the other Bitches while sexually harassing him and asking him if he is single, it was gruesome!The Godmother says she thinks all that botox and plastic surgery bullshit is crazy and asks herself “Am I crazy because I think all of this shit is crazy or are they crazy?” No God Mother they’re the ones that are crazy you’re not,  that’s why I love ya’ Bitch!

Next the surgeon injects Joker face in the mouth with horse piss, then he beats her on the face with an fugly stick  and performs some more freaky surgical procedures. Dina volunteers to inject her with more horse piss and to beat her with the fugly stick. After Dina took her turn hitting her with the fugly stick, Joker face then asks the doctor for the mirror but she forgot the mad surgeons name so she calls him cock sucker , Dina says  “yeah, we know you can say that” Joker face gets pissed at Dina’s dig and breaks the mirror on the chair then laughs hysterically.

I don’t know why the fuck Joker face got all mad and offended, just because Princess Bitch Dina told that Bitch she is a Ho! It’s the truth; Joker face is always priding herself in being the towns Ho who is being around the block a few thousand times. Joker face even brags about being with over a thousand men she says it’s like the Grand Canyon down there it’s wide and being visited by sooo many! So I don’t understand why she got all pissed and told everybody to leave.

Dina tells her daughter Lexi she hired a nanny and Lexi says she is gonna make the nanny call her maa’m and wear a chicken outfit. Dina tells Lexi she forgot the nannies name. This part gave me a flashback like they were surveillancing me and my daughter! Too freaky!

Danielle tells Jacquie she is pissed that Dina sayed what she sayed to offend her and calls Dina a fat ass;  Jacquie just sits there and doesn’t stick up for her family which is very chicken shit of her.

Did ya’ all see how when Jacquie drank the wine cooler she was all drinking it looking away from the camera and from Joker face like she wanted to laugh at all the bullshit Joker face was saying about Princess Bitch Dina. Told you Bitch is lucky she got accepted into the Family and better not fuck it up! But it looks like that’s exactly what she is doing!

Then Joker face says that she knows a lot of shit about Dina and that all fake people will be exposed including herself with her mug in that book, Cop without a Badge.

Joker face is out to dinner with Teresa and Jacquie and their well fed husbands and her so called 26 year old boyfriend Steve who is really 46 . He is there also tolerating her, he is acting like he is sick of her already and Joker face cant figure out why. The dinner becomes all uncomfortable and a disaster because Joker face argues with her boyfriend, Teresa and Jacquie cant believe they are getting dragged into another vortex of Joker face Danielle drama! This is really fucking up their evening!

Joker face gets all pissed and says that Steve should hang out with her because she has the pussy ! Teresa reminds her that Steve is a broke ass and Joker face wants a sugar daddy with money, hey maybe Big Poppa wants another wench on the side, since he moved in with Kim! I mean he likes disgusting ex-tripper, old skanky Bitches an all that have being passed around many men; just like a joint at a Grateful Dead concert!

Teresa and Gia take the new photos to Willemina who accepts a couple of pics that look like school pictures.

Jacquie and Teresa have set up a play date for their children so that way they can play house and marry in the future. But loony Joker face calls Jacquie up and tells her she is coming over with all her kids to whine about her man problems and to ask Jacquie and Teresa to make it okay to break up with Steve. Why? I don’t know, all I can think of is this Bitch thinks it’s all about her and other people don’t have a life or other shit to do but to listen to her whine about her pathetic sex life.

Joker face is crying and bitching that Steve is a broke ass and she needs a sugar daddy so she don’t have to do shit. The God Mother says this Bitch is pathetic and only wants a man with money because she is a lazy ass who cannot even pay her divorce attorney!

Teresa says that Joker face always tells her that supposedly Joker face and Steve  are so in love however, Steve says different. He tells Teresa and her  husband that he always goes to Jokers face for only one reason and that is to get his daily blow-job; because Joker face is very good at it since she has like 70 years experience and can take out her teeth and all!

Teresa and Jacquie try to give Joker face advice on the boyfriend situation but, Joker face gets offended because Teresa says something about Joker face kids knowing about Joker face having sex with Steve. Joker face just doesn’t want to take advice but simply wanted to rant and listen to a bunch of “yes ma’ms” not honest advice about what a dumb ass slut she is. Joker face leaves all pissed off after she is done ruining Teresa and Jacquies play date.

And so it begins! Teresa and Jacquie began to realize what a joy kill Joker face is and feel drained from being sucked into her circus of drama and nonsense! They talk shit about Joker face and about how one of them heard she used to be a striper and all these crazy rumors.

Next week it is going to be the continuation of that drama, when The Book comes out and all the skeletons from Danielle’s past jump out.

Yes people, you heard it Jeana Keough who is  one of the original Real Housewives  will not be returning to the show for the next season!  The decision was up to Bravo who gave the Bitch the boot and told her she was getting too boring for the show and they need new blood they want Bitches who are spoiled with more bank and bling, with more crazy drama, fighting and attitude, maybe with higher cosmetic surgery bills, you know Bitches with serious mental problems that will make complete asses out of themselves on national TV for our entertainment because all the viewers are sick! Yes, we are people, they got our number!

Other rumors I’ve heard  from so called people that know her personally, but who knows if they are true, is that she was close friends with Scott Dunlop who is the producer of the show and that there was no way they would ever cut her off, but I guess now they did just that! Damn that’s cold!

Also there may be a new housewife or 2 according to Tamra. I bet they also booted Lynne because she was boring as two old people screwing; and they will for sure keep Gretchen or who else is Tamra gonna be jealous of and hating on because she is no longer the hottest housewife?

Bring on the drama Bitches!

Danielle Staub and this whole rumor about her in that book named “Cop without a badge” is the most sought out book in the Internet at this moment. Move over Gretchen, there is a new Ho in town, and this one has a criminal record!This book and the dirt on this who-bag Danielle is what enquiring minds want to know!

According to this book, which a lot of people are saying is full of BS; Joker face Danielle was arrested for all kinds of prostitution, kidnapping and drug cartel whoring.

Here is a good description I enjoyed reading; found on Absurd to Sublime:

In the book, Danielle’s name is Beverly Merrill

A lot of it (the kidnapping/extortion part and the GRAPHIC description of what she’s wearing . . .or not. . .when they first meet) is in the pages scanned w/ the mug shot picture link.
Apparently Kevin Maher and Danielle/ Beverly meet in 1986 and he falls in instant lust. He uses his FBI ties to get her a plea deal on the kidnapping related charges–they’re reduced to just extortion, and she pleads guilty and gets 5 years probation.
Then she and Maher have a coke fueled on and off relationship where they have a lot of really intense sex.
He gets her into dancing in NJ (she’s previously danced in Miami, she says)–at a club called Gallagher’s–and is immediately jealous about the fact that she’s too good at it. He can’t deal with her showing off her body (which. . .duh) and gets insane about the fact that she makes eye contact with the clients.
More fights; more coke; more sex. At one point, she tells him “I’ve been with, like a thousand guys, and no one makes me feel like you do.”
He finds this endearing, and they get married. Problem: HE’S ALREADY MARRIED.
More fights; more coke; more sex; more jealousy. He taps her phone and learns that she’s cheating on him with the downstairs tenant, the landlord, her lawyer, and several other guys.
They split up and get back together; she files for divorce and he learns that she’s been dancing under the name Danielle (aha!) at some club in Carlstadt, and that her colleagues there don’t know she has a husband, but they do know she has a boyfriend–an Al Harris who is a bartender at the Bennigans in Short Hills.
Maher goes to the Bennigans and confronts Harris by jamming a gun in his crotch. After this, he and Beverly/Danielle have another screaming fight, more sex, and a final, brief, reconciliation before they break up for good in 1990.
According to the “where are they now” bit at the end, Maher last saw her dancing at the club in Carlstadt in 1991.

Follow this link for exerpts from the book Gawker.com

I knew it!

Rumor has it that Danielle Staub’s real name is Beverly Merrill! and the connections between her and the Colombian drug cartel  and the kidnapping can be found in an out of  print  book which Dina Manzo is holding in one scene called “Cop Without a Gun” by New Brunswick native Charles Kipps.

According to NJ.com this book contains a mugshot of the woman above who was involved in the whole Colombian cartel, kidnapping and prostitution situation and the bitch on the mugshot looks very much like Joker face Danielle.

The book is about some con artist turn informant who gets involved with Danielle when she went by the name Beverly Merrill. According to this guy she was a coke whore and he was fucking her while he had a wife. This is a classy lady here people! Here is the original article:

‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Here is Danielle Staub’s alleged mugshot

The ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ promo for next week revealed that secrets to Danielle Staub’s past could be found in an out-of-print (but suddenly very much in demand) book called “Cop Without a Gun” by New Brunswick native Charles Kipps. We tracked down a copy deep in the bowels of Rutgers Newark’s law library, and sure enough, it includes a mug shot of a woman named Beverly Merrill who looks astonishingly like Staub.

BRAVODanielle Staub

The book is about a former con named Kevin Maher who becomes an informant for the New York Police Department and the FBI, among other agencies, and who, along the way, leaves his wife and stepson for the morally ambigious charms of stripper Beverly Merrill.

Let’s meet Bev: “She was brunette. Long, perfectly shaped legs poked out of her leather hot pants just as provocatively as her braless breasts strained against her low-cut blouse.” And no, she wasn’t wearing any underwear. After she and Maher have “explosive sex,” he thinks to himself, “This is a good person. She has no morals, but she’s a good person.” (More on that later: Yes, she apparently also has a record.)

Unfortunately, Beverly turns out to be a “coke whore.” That’s okay at first, because Maher likes coke too. But he really doesn’t like her sleeping with other guys. So Maher confronts another one of her boyfriends at the Bennigan’s in Saddle Brook, sticks a gun in his crotch, and makes him confess. By this time, Beverly Merrill is now dancing at various North Jersey establishments under the name Danielle. Maher, deciding he wants to have a kid but that Beverly isn’t “mother material,” eventually splits up with her. According to the epilogue, Maher last saw her in 1992 dancing at a club called Shakers in Carlstadt.

Now I don’t recall this scene in episode 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, but it seems with RHNJ their episodes seem to have kinda ran into each other; I know everyone is impatiently waiting for the episode where Teresa flips over the table, but I bet it comes towards the middle or maybe the end, and Bravo is just teasing us.

Anyways during this little chat between Dina and Teresa, Dina says that Joker Face is delusional because she seems to think that she is too pretty to get a job, bitch thinks some knight in shinning armor is gonna come up and save her and her girls! Dina says that Danielle should just get a job because that fugly ho, sea hag, is too scary looking to be a trophy wife. Ain’t that the truth!

Joker Face doesn’t stop to amaze me, she is soo deeply stuck on stupid and is just plain delusional and doesn’t even realize how ignorant she sounds!

Joker Face was arrested at the beginning of April, because the Bitch was too broke to  pay her lawyer fees; I am having a  dejavuu moment, is that you Sheree Whitfield?. And when she was getting arrested she asked the cops if they knew who she was? HA HA HA HA HA! As is she is a movie star or some bullshit! Like I said before what a delusional twat! This Bitch has some mental issues!

Here is the original article from examiner.com

Real Housewife Danielle Staub Arrested

I told you the Real Housewives of New Jersey were going to be entertaining.  The show has only been on the air for two weeks, but already one of the housewives has drama for your mama!  Star Magazine reported that at the beginning of April Danielle Staub was arrested at her Wayne, NJ mansion.  Apparently, Danielle has yet to pay her divorce lawyers because her ex-hubby – some exercise equipment manufacturer hasn’t anted up on her divorce settlement.  I don’t know how much Danielle stands to gain in the settlement, but her lawyers fees are in the six figures and they want their money.  So, they issued a civil action contempt warrant.

To top it all off, Danielle’s star status has already gone to her head because she asked the police if they knew who she was  . . . like she was somebody!  Come on Danielle, your claim to fame is that you had a Black American Express card before Madonna (thanks to your  hubby by the way!), so unless the Passiac County police officers are moonlighting as AMEX black card reps they don’t know you!

The shenanigans ended with Danielle spending 90 minutes at the police station and reportedly later had her publicist call the cops and ask them to reenact the arrest for the cameras.  They declined, but I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ll be hearing about this matter.

Yes people! All my New York Bitches are going to be back next season even Kellamity Behemoth! Good I love to pick on that crazy Bitch! And also Bravo is paying those Bitches about $30k per episode that means 12 episodes times $30k is let me get the calculator it is about $360k. Damn! that’s pretty good money for embarrassing yourself on TV! Just kidding Bitches, but at least knowing that they are getting paid well I don’t feel bad when I pick on them.(I hope they pay Gretchen from OC a lot too because I beat on that Bitch like a pinata. LOL!)

I love me some Jill and Bethenny they have become my favorites, Silex it’s also staring to grow on me kinda like a mushroom in a swamp. Kelly is just too easy to pick on, ’cause she is a dumb ass so bring her back! Ramona is Vicki’s twin sister from another mother! And La Contessa, she better get herself that big ass divorce settlement from the Count and buy a young boy toy! Goddess of Reality TV Bless those Bitches!

Also I am sure everyone knows already about Bethenny posing naked for PETA. She rather go naked than wear fur. Yay!

Teresa Guidice the chick that’s getting boobies and  carries a duffel bag filled with 120k in hundreds that her husband prints daily in his basement (That’s what I’m talking about!) is prego with her 4th child. Congrats. By now we all know that Jacqueline Laurita is also pregnant with her 3rd baby.  I hope those Bitches pay their fertility doctors in cash, specially Teresa so she doesn’t have collection agencies going after her ass.

Dina Manzo the housewife  who has a husband that she has only seen 2 times since they were married because the rest of the time he is mysteriously not around, because he doesn’t want the feds to identify him ( I didn’t tell you that) there is a rumor going around that her and her man are separated because of his cheating ways. Figures! Bitch better get her money from him!

Also there is another rumor that Teresa’s “juicy” husband (more like chunky and greasy) got arrested by popo and after they arrested him the police beat his ass for no reason. Damn police brutality why they gotta fuck with the wiseguys the man has a high maintenance wife and 3 little divas or maybe 4 little divas to support! Here’s the link below it has some info on some shit that Caroline’s (The God Mother) husband also got into trouble  with the feds. It’s a good thing Albie is going to school to become a lawyer this family is going to need a good criminal attorney.

http://gawker.com/5256312/the-criminal-husbands-of-housewives-of-new-jersey

What I want to know is where can I get one of those hundred dollar printing machines that they each have in their basement.

Yes people, our beloved botoxed filled mummified Lauri Warring Peterson needs more money to pay for her botox injections, hair extensions and all the dog urine they inject in her fake boobs to keep them from sagging. She is taking her ex-ex husband Phil Warring to court and crying to the Judge that she is one step away from getting on welfare; she claims she only makes $400.00 a month working selling insurance and being an actress. Really she is an actress? Really?

But wait hold up! Isn’t she married to king George Peterson he is like the king of Orange County? He is supposed to be loaded and supa rich and shit and has showered Lauri with lavishness, cars, houses and jewelry? I’m confused I thought she didn’t need her ex money so why is she bitching about this money shit. Either George is going broke or he dumped her ass. I heard rumors that George has lost a lot of money and some homes so that maybe why maybe he had to cut on Lauri’s allowance for the month.

Here is the original article from TMZ:

Real Housewife’ — Real Small  Paycheck

Real Housewife of Orange County Lauri Waring

is demanding more cash from her ex husband — and it’s probably because she claims to only make 400 bucks a month.

In legal papers filed in Orange County Superior Court, Waring claims she has over $12,000 in expenses per month, and the money she’s already getting from Phillip Waring just ain’t cuttin’ it.

Lauri claims she’s tryin’ to help out, stating in the docs that she’s working two jobs — insurance agent and actress. Yeah, actress. Right.

BTW — Lauri estimates Phil pulls in around $360,000 a year.

Cougars on the prowl and Momma knows best so she is gonna stick her foot up your ass! Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap

Jacquie is yelling at her teenager for being lazy and having bad grades yet on this episode she is crying because she wants more kids. Lady you’re brave or just don’t learn.

Homegirl Teresa is taking her 3 little divas to a boutique she lets them run wild through the boutique tearing shit up; literally, one of the little Teresa Jr even went and opened the cash register, and stole the money! They learning early, it was so cute and it also reminded me why I got my tubes tied. That shit remained me of Joey and Frankie, Silex’s kids. Boy I would love to let Joey and Frankie plus the 3 little Teresa’s run wild at a midnight dinner party at Jill Zarins store, after I gave them coffee ice cream and soda and then, let Jacquie watch those kids.

Jacquie is trowing a huuuge birthday party for her little CJ with balloons, ice cream, a slide and of course clowns! so she was forced to hire Joker face Danielle to come and either entertain or scare the fuck out of those children with that plastic, shinny  crusty the clown, botched surgery make up,  that’s permanently tatoeed on her face.

Joker face is multi talented, she is also in charge of disciplining Jacquie’s 17 year old daughter who trying to bring all 30 of her teenage friends to come and crash the baby’s birthday party.

Caroline ( The God Mother) doesn’t like Joker face butting in trying to take over the birthday party and is going to have someone break Jokers face kneecaps.

Princess Dina the Bitch shows up and Joker face is all up in her shit trying to kiss her ass telling her she is sorry for crapping on her front lawn. Joker face gives  Dina  a hug and presses her boobies on her. Princess Dina was freaked out and didn’t appreciate Joker face molesting her like that. I would of being freaked out too ! Then Joker face asks Princess Dina to borrow her boobies then Dina was like,“I have to question her sanity, The girl is freakin’ obsessed with me. I swear, I don’t know if she, like, wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last year’s Versace.” Methinks last years Versace! Bitch needs to learn to keep her boundaries!

Jacquie wants more babies so she goes to see the doctor to help her conceive more rug rats. She tells her 17 year old daughter to stay in the car, while she leaves it running with the keys in it, because it is a private matter so she goes in to the doctors office with the camera crew. Ashley stole the car.

The God Mother and her Minnie Me Lauren are making a big Italian dinner for an army of 50 people but then only 7 show up. One of the God Mothers 13 children, I cant remember wich one? He is the one that wants to open up a Cat house full of Pussies, Oh Yeah Silvio Jr. Chriss he starts babbling some spuiage about how green is blue and red is green; then he says he bought balls in a bottle; they were all hanging out shooting the shit smoking weed and eating dinner and laughing .LOL This was my favorite scene!

The God Mothers Minnie Me needs to go to beauty school and Minnie Me says she don’t want to touch on hairy men that she may have to wax or even worst massage! EUGHHHH!!!  Her brother Chris’s says that Lauren likes ugly guys so it may work out after all! HA HA HA! The God Father says it is a dictatorship so she best do what she is told! Damn it!

Teresa is so not a stage mom so she takes her little Gia to an acting coach for her audition.  Gia cant stop laughing and cant do her scene! So the acting coach sends her jumpy little ass home! Gia dont care because she’s had roles in the Soprano’s, of course!

Joker face is fake crying on the phone to the sugar daddy that dumped her for a newer model. BAA WHAA HAAA!!! PLEASE GIVE ME MY SETTLEMENT SUGAR DADDY! PLEASE PLEASE! The ex-sugar daddy hangs up on her dumb ass and blows her off! Seems like so far that’s all that men do to this bitch they just blow her off after she blows them! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Joker face is so pathetic she says she cannot struggle financially and she wins the prize for skankies and most pathetic goldigger  best line ever when she says “someone has to come and save me and my girls”. Of all the pathetic lines a botoxed plastic pathetic golddiger ever said that is the best one of all! Bitch has no shame! Damn!

Joker face goes out on a date with some ramdom dude she found at a party and leaves her kids with a hobo she paid with a hanjob. Teresa says that the new boyfriend and also the hobo come over Joker face’s house to get their daily blowjobs!So I guess she does have a job, sort of!

Princess Dina is hiring a boy toy, I mean err a private assistant who happens to be a younger than her cute guy; Dina offers him some booze and tells him to get naked. Well shit if she can afford him she can do him besides with her husband over at his mistress house all the time who is gonna give her hairless pussy a bath and clean all the spiders from her pussy? I meant the cat you perverts! She asks her new assitant if she is short on cash he would talke some other form of payment like err hugs and kisses and the new assistant jumps on that and says he will do anything to please exept buying maxi pads only tampos he will buy.

Princess Dina the Bitch is on psychotic, raving lunatic, crazy Bitch mode, she is bossing everyone around including Jacquie who hides from her in the bathroom Dina kicks Jacquie’s ass makes Jacquie dress like a butterfly and arrange the big bong water drinking contest for the Project Lady Bug  charity they raise millions and help many and Princess Dina is happy.

Joker face is surprisingly at a date with the random dude that picked her up earlier and they’re at a fancy restaurant and she is singing , cant read my cant read my my Joker face. I’m surprise he didn’t run out like Gucci Model did,well at least for now. Joker face is desperate and ask the random dude if he thinks she is hot then she tells him how lucky he is. What a delusional twat. She also says the dude is 26. Really? I thought more like 46. Either way Joker face is still like 50 years older than the guy. Joker face begs her date to take her to the bathroom so she can give him his blow job. The date was scared and also ran out on her ass and left her with the bill.