Cougars on the prowl and Momma knows best so she is gonna stick her foot up your ass! Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap

Jacquie is yelling at her teenager for being lazy and having bad grades yet on this episode she is crying because she wants more kids. Lady you’re brave or just don’t learn.

Homegirl Teresa is taking her 3 little divas to a boutique she lets them run wild through the boutique tearing shit up; literally, one of the little Teresa Jr even went and opened the cash register, and stole the money! They learning early, it was so cute and it also reminded me why I got my tubes tied. That shit remained me of Joey and Frankie, Silex’s kids. Boy I would love to let Joey and Frankie plus the 3 little Teresa’s run wild at a midnight dinner party at Jill Zarins store, after I gave them coffee ice cream and soda and then, let Jacquie watch those kids.

Jacquie is trowing a huuuge birthday party for her little CJ with balloons, ice cream, a slide and of course clowns! so she was forced to hire Joker face Danielle to come and either entertain or scare the fuck out of those children with that plastic, shinny  crusty the clown, botched surgery make up,  that’s permanently tatoeed on her face.

Joker face is multi talented, she is also in charge of disciplining Jacquie’s 17 year old daughter who trying to bring all 30 of her teenage friends to come and crash the baby’s birthday party.

Caroline ( The God Mother) doesn’t like Joker face butting in trying to take over the birthday party and is going to have someone break Jokers face kneecaps.

Princess Dina the Bitch shows up and Joker face is all up in her shit trying to kiss her ass telling her she is sorry for crapping on her front lawn. Joker face gives  Dina  a hug and presses her boobies on her. Princess Dina was freaked out and didn’t appreciate Joker face molesting her like that. I would of being freaked out too ! Then Joker face asks Princess Dina to borrow her boobies then Dina was like,“I have to question her sanity, The girl is freakin’ obsessed with me. I swear, I don’t know if she, like, wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last year’s Versace.” Methinks last years Versace! Bitch needs to learn to keep her boundaries!

Jacquie wants more babies so she goes to see the doctor to help her conceive more rug rats. She tells her 17 year old daughter to stay in the car, while she leaves it running with the keys in it, because it is a private matter so she goes in to the doctors office with the camera crew. Ashley stole the car.

The God Mother and her Minnie Me Lauren are making a big Italian dinner for an army of 50 people but then only 7 show up. One of the God Mothers 13 children, I cant remember wich one? He is the one that wants to open up a Cat house full of Pussies, Oh Yeah Silvio Jr. Chriss he starts babbling some spuiage about how green is blue and red is green; then he says he bought balls in a bottle; they were all hanging out shooting the shit smoking weed and eating dinner and laughing .LOL This was my favorite scene!

The God Mothers Minnie Me needs to go to beauty school and Minnie Me says she don’t want to touch on hairy men that she may have to wax or even worst massage! EUGHHHH!!!  Her brother Chris’s says that Lauren likes ugly guys so it may work out after all! HA HA HA! The God Father says it is a dictatorship so she best do what she is told! Damn it!

Teresa is so not a stage mom so she takes her little Gia to an acting coach for her audition.  Gia cant stop laughing and cant do her scene! So the acting coach sends her jumpy little ass home! Gia dont care because she’s had roles in the Soprano’s, of course!

Joker face is fake crying on the phone to the sugar daddy that dumped her for a newer model. BAA WHAA HAAA!!! PLEASE GIVE ME MY SETTLEMENT SUGAR DADDY! PLEASE PLEASE! The ex-sugar daddy hangs up on her dumb ass and blows her off! Seems like so far that’s all that men do to this bitch they just blow her off after she blows them! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Joker face is so pathetic she says she cannot struggle financially and she wins the prize for skankies and most pathetic goldigger  best line ever when she says “someone has to come and save me and my girls”. Of all the pathetic lines a botoxed plastic pathetic golddiger ever said that is the best one of all! Bitch has no shame! Damn!

Joker face goes out on a date with some ramdom dude she found at a party and leaves her kids with a hobo she paid with a hanjob. Teresa says that the new boyfriend and also the hobo come over Joker face’s house to get their daily blowjobs!So I guess she does have a job, sort of!

Princess Dina is hiring a boy toy, I mean err a private assistant who happens to be a younger than her cute guy; Dina offers him some booze and tells him to get naked. Well shit if she can afford him she can do him besides with her husband over at his mistress house all the time who is gonna give her hairless pussy a bath and clean all the spiders from her pussy? I meant the cat you perverts! She asks her new assitant if she is short on cash he would talke some other form of payment like err hugs and kisses and the new assistant jumps on that and says he will do anything to please exept buying maxi pads only tampos he will buy.

Princess Dina the Bitch is on psychotic, raving lunatic, crazy Bitch mode, she is bossing everyone around including Jacquie who hides from her in the bathroom Dina kicks Jacquie’s ass makes Jacquie dress like a butterfly and arrange the big bong water drinking contest for the Project Lady Bug  charity they raise millions and help many and Princess Dina is happy.

Joker face is surprisingly at a date with the random dude that picked her up earlier and they’re at a fancy restaurant and she is singing , cant read my cant read my my Joker face. I’m surprise he didn’t run out like Gucci Model did,well at least for now. Joker face is desperate and ask the random dude if he thinks she is hot then she tells him how lucky he is. What a delusional twat. She also says the dude is 26. Really? I thought more like 46. Either way Joker face is still like 50 years older than the guy. Joker face begs her date to take her to the bathroom so she can give him his blow job. The date was scared and also ran out on her ass and left her with the bill.