We start with Vicki taking  a walk with Donn and thanking him for not being a clingy controlling asshole that tells her what to do. Cough Cough Simon, Jimbo Cough Slimey. Then Vicki decided to pull a letter out of her ass, and reads a love poem /letter thanking  Donn for not being a dick. Then she thanks him for bending over and dressing up like a cheerleader for her. Vicki continues to thank Donn for being a good huusband and letting Vicki have the penis.

Wow, I guess the presence of the other fucktard huusbands of the other ho’s made Hurricane Vicki realize what a good wooped huusband she has and how obedient he is compare to dipshits like Jimbo for example.  Yep she realizes how good she has it. And so Vicki has finally realized that other men don’t want her crazy old ass and Donn is a pretty good catch for her to keep. So Vicki swooped Donn off his feet and is a few minutes they were in some Caribbean dream island were hurricane Vicki wrecked havock  having conch  and booze with Donn. Hurricane Vicki also molested her corciegne because he had a nice smile; and that’s the type of shit Hurricane Vicki likes to do when she is traveling coked out of her skull, in exotic islands where people have nice teeth.

We also saw Stepford wife Alexis playing bubbles with her kids and then she starts preaching some crazy spewage about how she has to go to church in her best hooker stilettos because she doesn’t want the devil to try and hump her. 

Scary ass Jafar looking motherfucking Jimbo starts to preach all scary to the camera about how he  hopes to someday start his own cult church and how he lays hands on his family every day to bless them and blah, blah, blah. Right after that Jimbo is yelling at his kids and barking orders at the nanny telling her to put the kids in time out. I feel sorry for his servants. Perfect Stepford wifey Alexis continues preaching about what a perfect wife and mother she is ’cause if she is NOT reverend Jimbo is gonna whoop her ass with his 10 pound bible.

Tamra asks her kids if they missed her and Simon while they were in Florida and the kids said they dind’t give a shit since they never see their parents too much since they keep hiring hobos to watch them while they are away being drunken, drama queens, at parties and the Housewife shows. Tamra asks her younger daughter if she wants to go somewhere with her and Simon  and the little girl asks ‘who is gonna watch me?’because Tamra never takes her kids anywhere.That sux! Tamra starts begging her daughter to go somewhere with her and Simon and little Sophia says she don’t want to go anywhere with them. You know what. I am skipping over that shit too depressing!

Suddenly an evil beetle who was sent by Gretchen to assassinate Tamra appears out of nowhere and Tamra screams ‘holy mother of balls!’ Lucky for Tamra the beetle misses her.  Tamra and Simon start to bitch and argue over Tamra’s friendship with Hurricane Vicki. Simon tells Tamra to lose that bitch if she wants to stay married to him. Tamra says that Simon and Vicki compete with each other to be the Alpha males. Maybe this is the infidelity Simon accused Tamra of. She was having an affair with Vicki!  AH HA!

Tamra wants to make amends with Gretchen so that Tamra can beat her ass again. Simon tells Tamra he don’t want her hanging around that rat Gretchen and that he is tired of the trailer park style drama Tamra gets into. Then he asks Tamra how come after all these years, she is still acting and behaving the same way she did when Simon first met her and she lived at the trailer park .Back then Tamra was also getting into cat fights and drama with jealousy and gossip and stupid skanky bitches.

Simon just doesn’t understand how he was able to take Tamra out of the trailer park but he could not get the trailer park out of Tamra? It was puzzling. Simon wants to hang around good wholesome people and doesn’t want gutter ho’s like Gretchen hanging around Tamra and his children because he is protective. He has also been taking lessons from Reverend Jafar Jimbo on being more controlling. Jimbo has taught Simon some valuable lessons like for example how it is better to smack a bitch with an open hand not with a closed fist, smacking a ho’ that way is better for the ho’ since that also plumps up her lips. Why do you think Alexi’s lips look like rubber band lips all the time? It’s not only from whale fat injections.

Simon tries to use a brain washing technique with Tamra that Jimbo taught him. By convincing Tamra that they’re marriage works and they are happy. But Simon fails miserably at his attempt to brainwash Tamra because she is a stubborn Bitch plus Tamra has taken lessons from Hurricane Vicki at not letting a man tell you how you feel so she just spits on Simon’s face and that gives him his answer.

Alexis and Jimbo go to some free church were they allow hookers and strippers to show up dressed for work. Well ho’s need to go to church too and so do preacher guys with southern accents who play guitar and like young pretty girls and church scandals.

That church Alexis and Jimbo attend was too loud and with sucky wanna-be-rock  music to boot. They were probably offending Jesus with that awful music.

I am old fashioned I think you need to keep your rock & roll music separate from your church music. Last time Metallica’s contract with the Devil expired their albums were sucking then they renewed their contract with Satan and their music kicked ass again.  And I thought contracts with Satan didn’t expired. Besides church is a place where you’re supposed to go to sleep and rest. I want a quiet church were I can take a nice nap and be woken up after the sermon is over. This works really good when recovering from partying and drinking the night before at a rock concert. See how that works? By the way I don’t go to church or believe in the devil so I am not trying to offend anyone religious.

The preacher starts spewing some stuff about not crying in your Starbucks and getting over it. By this time into the sermon I would of been sleeping and in my third dream already.While the preacher talks about how you have to stop winning and worrying about what someone else says about you Alexis was looking around all the other people sitting around her and while agreeing with the preacher she was pointing at everyone else saying see he is talking to you guilty unchristian heathens, I am more christian than you! I don’t do shit like that!

That Bitch was going off then she started attacking the other house ho’s and judging them she kept going off ,spewing more crazy preachy shit, by saying:the preacher was talking directly to the other house ho’s they all talk crap about each other and are not christian they are all going to hell except for me because I am christian.

Alexis brags about how she is very christian and is fortunate and blessed to have the baby machine and slave to Jimbo  lifestyle,  the nanny’s, the complicated multiple margaritas in mid day, and of course the  porn size boobs,  and how she is better and everyone else sucks and she is going to rise in a cloud with Jesus even though she is a famewhore and looks down at everyone else. Oh yeah, and she is NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THAT!.  WOW! What a self righteous Bitch. I wonder what Jesus would say about all her shenanigans?. That’s a crystal cathedral waiting to crash and it will crash hard. Oh well but that’s why Jesus invented Karma for people like Alexis.

Tamra says that Alexis and Jimbo did not appear as church folk to her. She also doesn’t understand how Alexis and Jimbo are trying to keep the devil out when the devil would love to hump Alexis cc’s. I think that’s what she said? I don’t know what the fuck cc’s are but then again I don’t have fake boobs either. As a a matter of fact I am afraid to death to have fake plastic shit inserted in me. I watched this show called 1000 ways to die and this woman who had humongous porn size boobs was on a plane high up in the air and they exploded and she bled to death! True story! After I saw that show with the exploding boobs whenever  I see Alexis fake cleavage, I  wait for her boobs to explode . Great now I have that image burned in my brain! GROSS!

Gretchen is high as a kite as usual, giggling  and clapping her hands all retarded like, she cannot even clap right because she misses and says she wants some of that christian in her cleavage because she has no boobies ; specially now that she has been snorting a lot of meth and partying on 2 week binges she looks super sucked up and where her boobs used to be there is only a hollow cavity. Bitch don’t need boobs she needs to get off the meth and a sandwich!

Gretchen gets nice and ready and coked out of her skull,  to go visit with Lynne’s daughter Alexa because she believes Alexa is depressed and Gretchen wants to be a good example and a role model to young girls.

When Gretchen calls Lynne to get her okay to take Alexa somewhere and interrogate her; Lynne is nice and high and agrees to everything Gretchen says she also tells Gretchen ahead of time that, Alexa may leak out the family secret that they beat Alexa.

Damn! Well they are not beating her enough, I tell you what, if anything they need to beat her ass more so she is not running around drunk off her ass, buck wild with every Tom, Dick and Harry  all over  Orange County.

  Gretchen takes Alexa to some second hand store to shop for 2 dollars shirts. Then she tells Alexa that she knows Alexa is depressed because she hears her tell Lynne how depressed she is and how she needs to have a beer. Gretchen gets all preachy on Alexa and tells her she is concerned about her well being. Gretchen feels that she is the expert, in giving children who are about to end up on drugs or pregnant, advice since she knows all about being on drugs, bulimic and naked on the internet since she is doing that shit right now as we speak.

 Gretchen says all her orgy toilet pictures, cheating on dying fiancee escapades, were done in the name of research since she also holds a degree in child psychology and all.

Alexa gets caught off guard when Gretchen demands she tells her what is going on with her depressing life, because she is a concerned big sister type. Alexa doesn’t know if she should hug Gretchen, or beat the shit out her right there  and then, at the clothing store in front of God and everybody.

Gretchen’s approach to forcing Alexa to open up to her was genius she put a little teenage girl who is totally embarrassed by her embarrassing family, on blast and put the spotlight on her problems. Even though Lynne’s daughters are little shits it is  no wonder those girls don’t want to go to school or be successful. I be embarrassed and fucked up too, having Lynne and Frank for parents and crazy Bitches like Gretchen up in my shit. That sux!

 After Alexa remembers Gretchen’s girls gone wild on the Internet dildo pictures she decides that she didn’t like that ho’ trying to give her advice on being depressed since she is the biggest gold digging famewhore who dates douche bags named Slimey and has slept with dying old millionaires who left her money while she cheated and partied and posed for erotic toilet modeling pictures.

Lynne snuck into the fitness center at some hotel to work out  with Alexa she also brought Alexa along to make sure her new face transplant doesn’t fall off this way in case that shit happens she has someone there to help her duct tape her face back on.

 Lynne asks Alexa about her shopping trip with Gretchen Alexa tells Lynne that since Gretchen is just some gold digging, orgy participant, toilet dildo model, who is naked wasted and coked out all the time Alexa feels  she doesn’t need to listen to Gretchen,  and Gretchen should not be giving  her any advice, she  also states  that Gretchen is a run down 40 year old whore who needs to quit pretending she is close to Alexa’s age and has the authority on counseling out of control teenagers, besides Alexa can fuck up her own life all on her own. Without some 40 year old grannie’s help. Since Lynne was high at the time she don’t remember allowing Gretchen to take Alexa shopping and so becomes outraged at Gretchen’s nerve both Lynne and Alexa agree that Gretchen is a gutter whore who ambushed Alexa by taking the pressure off her self, and make it about Alexa because she is an easy target.

Hurricane Vicki kidnapped Donn to Turkey Caicos and told him that they are falling in love all over again wheter Donn likes it or not! Vicki says that if someone says‘money doesn’t matter they were poor!’ Darn right Bitch that’s why you bust yo’ ass  peddling insurance so that you can afford to  vacation and don’t end up broke and in the trailer park condo like Tamra if Donn ever leaves yo’ ass.

 Hurricane Vicki gets drunk of her ass on Caribbean Rum Punch and visits a Conch bar to eat Conch wich is the viagra of the sea Vicki is drunk off her ass already and she stumbling drunk when the Conch guy is killing the Conch and taking out the conch dick . Vicki tells Donn to eat the  conch so that he can get horny and take her back to the room. The Conch guy tells them that after Donn eats those 7 buckets of Conch dick they will not come out of their room or see the rest of the day. And he was right. Vicki and Donn finally consummated their relationship. The only other time they had sex with each other was two months after  they got married back in the early 1980’s. It was Vicki’s idea. After that, Vicki decided they each need their own room and have kept it that way since, and now almonst 3 decades later they had sex again. Miracles do happen!

Tamra is out with that guy Marcos, who is supposedly her real state co worker. That Marcos sure looks like Simon’s little brother. Look at his nose and hair he resembles Simon. Tamra says Simon didn’t want to go look at houses with her and Marcos so she decided to go with Marcos. I wonder if this is the guy Simon is accusing her of being unfaithful with? I am sure Simon didn’t want to go because,  he was planning to give her the boot anyways and instead of looking at those million dollar homes she should of being looking at government low income housing.

Tamra tells that other man WHO IS NOT HER HUSBAND! How she used to live in that neighborhood, and she used to be the happiest back then but now Simon hates her, and he is on her shit list, and she needs a shoulder to cry on.

Damn! Tamra’s ass sure looks flat with those Peggy Bundy capris, maybe she needs to put some of that silicone  from her teeties on her butt to make it even.

Vicki decides it is time to seal the deal and tell Donn that he is her Bitch permanently, because Vicki is tired of the games from the younger Sancho’s she has being playing with, when on her many business trips. So she tells Donn that in the morning they are renewing their wedding vows on that beach whether Donn likes it or not . Donn almost has a heart attack you can see it on his face and body language, dude looks like his heart just sunk to his stomach. Then he starts crying and begging Vicki not to force him to marry her again. Yep he was crying the whooole time. Like a little Bitch too! His face was all wet and eyes all red from tears non stop from the time Vicki told him they were getting married, because she didn’t propose, she told him, and throughout that night, when Vicki told Donn they were having sex. Donn cried while sex then the next day at the ceremony Donn was crying also the whole time he cried. He only paused for a few minutes when Vicki made the ceremony about the one and a half carats,  princess cut diamond ring,  she bought him they were talking like 20 minutes about that shit. Hey but at least it wasn’t 7 carats! After they were done admiring the ring Donn went back to sobbing and crying.

Vicki also told Donn he must break up with his maid/mistress Rosita when they get back to OC and Donn wasn’t liking that shit. As a matter of fact he was devastated; but didn’t argue with Hurricane Vicki because he was afraid of her. Vicki should just be cool and let Donn have Rosita on the side, after all Vicki has gardner Fernando and when they both get back to OC they can all be one big happy, infidelity, alcoholic,  dysfunctional, family. Like they been all these years.

And now that we saw those two love birds get married and live happily ever after we must turn to some depressing shit and visit Tamra and her mother who are having lunch at some restaurant that isn’t MacDonald’s, so it is a new experience for Tamra’s mom.  Tamra of course has to bring up Gretchen and talks to her mom Sandy about how she is trying to patch things up with Gretchen because she loves drama.

Then Tamra starts teasing her momma about getting dumped for her best friend by Tamra’s dad and so Tamra’s mom Sandy gets back at Tamra and brings up Tamra’s own problems with Simon to remind that Bitch to focus on her own problems. Suddenly the scene turns into a Spanish Telenovela and Tamra covers her face and starts fake crying.

That Bitches face doesn’t even move it just stays straight and no tears come out at all. Her mom’s face is all stiff too you don’t know if they are laughing or crying .  Tamra asks her mom what does Simon want since he is driving Tamra mad and her mom tells her he wants a housewife not a ho’. Tamra did not understand the concept.Then Tamra tells her momma that if it wasn’t for the kids she would of left Simon’s punk ass already and found a richer sugar daddy. This is probably why Simon served her with divorce papers and kicked her to the curb.

Then Tamra says that the last thing she wants to do is be 42 divorced with 3 kids living in a condo. Maybe this should be her new opening line.