We start this episode with the continuation of Ashley Holmes getting kicked out of her mom and stepdad’s house in New Jersey and into the fun non-stop partying Sin-City of Vegas. Albie Manzo is sent to babysit drive Ashley and make sure she gets on that plane. Yeah, that went real well.

Now lets visit the Giudice’s at their empty money laundering front Pizzeria that apparently is shut down now. Supposedly since Barney Devito couldn’t drive himself to work and get ‘those lunches out on time’ he had to go out of business. But, don’t worry Barney Devito is crafty and has a new scheme up his sleeve, he is going to light a match and burn down the gas station across the street owned by one Richie Wikipedia, and turn that shit into an old folks social security/ medicare scam of some sort.  But, Richie Wikipedia doesn’t know his ass is getting ‘evicted’ from his gas station yet.  But, he will and this is because paybacks are a bitch. More on that later.

Since we are in the subjects of shit shutting down let’s visit with Lauren Manzo aka Godmother Caroline Manzo Jr. Remember that cosmetics front store she opened last season when she had Ashley draw her  T-shirts with crayons then she bitched her out and whatnot? Well apparently the next day, yes you heard that correct THE NEXT DAY Lauren closed shop. Lauren had some hissy fit over people not kissing her ass enough or some shit. So, she didn’t even have that store opened for a punk ass 10 minutes when she decided to fold up and go home to cry to mommy who fed her a buffet of  1/16^th Italian fried meatballs until Lauren gained more weight so this way Godmother Manzo can have a story line and tell the world how fat her daughter is.  Since when do you open a store and not even give it a chance? She closed shop the next day?  Now I know why Lauren is always crapping on Ashley, she is hoping that pointing the finger at Ashley’s non-stop, conga-line of partying will make people not notice her failing attempts at having a business. Lauren has no room to talk about what a loser Ashley is. But, since Godmother Manzo couldn’t get Lauren on ‘The biggest Loser’ since that’s the show she should go on; she takes her to some hippie doctors that’s going to put Lauren on some Anorexia diet hoping that if she loses some weight her cosmetics store will be more successful and people will kiss Lauren’s skinny size four ass. Size four? Now you’re pushing it bitch!

And since those fried 1/16^th Italian meatballs get around they are making an appearance at Jacqueline’s get-together where fried meatballs are the main dish.  The Giudice’s are also making an appearance so they can get bashed by everybody some more work things out.

Ashley purposely misses her flight.  It appears that Albie was unable to carry on this mission and strap ‘Ke$ha’  on that one-way plane to Vegas.  Ashley walks in and says hi to everyone like it’s no big deal she had missed her flight because she couldn’t find any straw-NyQuil to suck on and powdered donuts to snort on. Chris decides to take Ashley to the airport himself first thing in the morning. But, not until he tells Ashley she has no commonsense and her little brother CJ who knows how to operate the vacuum better than Ashley because he can follow directions would of NOT  missed the flight.

When Teresa shows up everyone purposely ignores her while she is trying to speak, they seem tired of hearing her. Finally she makes herself loud enough and brings up that she is apologizing AGAIN over the so called jokes she spewed out in her books. Tree asks her brother Midget Psycho Joey if he read her first book, and Psycho Joey gets all pissed off this bitch  even asked him if he read her book or not, since EVERYBODY KNOWS Joey doesn’t know how to read and now Teresa’s constant questioning and unrequested advice to read her book is making everyone in the room uncomfortable. AAAWKWAAARD!

Melissa changes the convo and tells Tree they will take one in the ass for the team so she can make a buck or some shit. Truth be told they all take one in the ass when they’re in a reality show in order to make a buck.

Meanwhile in the basement where I guess the cameras where not allowed, a fists fight occurred between Barney Devito and Richie Wikipedia, over who is the shortest Joe. Barney Devito or Midget Joey. Since Barney Devito has little dick syndrome he got all pissed off at Richie Wikipedia and went to grab his balls, Richie turned around and hit him in the head with some sort of candlestick holder and this gave Barney Devito a black eye and bloody nose, this is the reason he is out for vengeance against Richie Wikipedia and will burn down his gas station to open up an old folks swingers home. Old people need to get laid too. And can you believe none of this bullshit got caught on camera!

Later on Barney Devito is at home drinking the pain of his lost fight away and has the guys over for some fun gossipy time. While Barney Devito was pouring wine, his children where running amuck and one of them I think it was Milania (I’m writing this from memory) punches Albie in the nuts. While Barney Devito cooks the food his daughter Milania tells him he is not a cooker he is a hooker. Maybe that’s why he was trying to grab Richie’s balls?

When the other men bring up Barney Devito’s drivers license ordeal he brings up his brother-in-law Psycho Midget Joey’s inability to pay his bills on time. The other men are friends with Midget Joey so the whole combo was  AWKWARD! During a talking heads interview, Chris Laurita says that he lost respect for Barney Devito for being a 40 year old loser who uses other people’s birth certificate to get a drivers license. Can’t believe Bravo is trying to make the men be gossipy Sunday-bitches also.

 

Back at the Wikipedia home we find out that young Master Wikipedia has a young girl send him naked pictures of herself. His dad Richie Wikipedia is all sorts of proud of his son who is now ‘ a full grown man’ and can look at naked bitches.  His momma Kathy however, is disgusted that a young lady would be such a floozy and send her son those porn shots. While all this shit was going on Richie was busy eyeballing that young ho’ s pictures because he is going to save those pics for his son later so he can get his mack on.

Later on Melissa is trying to sing a ballad in her homegrown music studio and her producer tells her to sing like she means it. Even though this bitch tries, it still doesn’t work until the producer auto tunes the shit out of that song and suddenly Melissa is an award winning ballad songstress. Maybe Gretchen Rossi should of hired this auto tune master for her Pussycats Doll Disaster.

And finally Melissa makes a romantic dinner for her and Midget Psycho Joey who has to shout across the 10 foot long dinner table and thinks Melissa is preggers again; until she tells him she is just presenting him her new song and he decides to get that bitch drunk so he can knock her up with a little Gorga baby. AGAIN!

 

While Teresa gets her family ready for the Gorga/Giudice family portrait she tells her husband Barney Devito she believes the family feud is coming to an end, but Barney Devito doesn’t believe that, which is why he doesn’t stop Milania from beating the crap out of the baby Audriana since in a few years they will both be bitch slapping each other and throwing tables at family weddings, gatherings and their future children Christenings  so why not allow them to train on their furniture throwing and weave pulling skills while they are young. This way they can continue the Gorga/Giudice family tradition of keeping petty scores and fighting over bullshit, they been doing it since before they all joined this TV show wreckage wasn’t the old people fighting too Kathy’s mom and Tree’s dad? Or some shit like that? So there you go. It’s a family tradition they just don’t know it yet.

Next we have a boring segment of Ashley getting a pep-talk from uncle Jaime who is the gen-X version of the black sheep of the Manzo clan. It appears he passed the back sheep torch to Ashley a few years back and now he is in town to talk to Ashley about how to remain being a successful black sheep of the family and make your own money because California condos and “swallow’ tattoos cost money unless you are willing to swallow in exchange.

The Godmother gives some generic advice on her radio show to callers that are getting laughed at by her lovely children the Manzo kids. Ooh, the fun bonding activities they share!

At the Wikipedia’s young Miss Victoria is going to some kind of school prom and being properly courted by a well-dressed frightened young man who is being warned by old man Wikipedia that he will suffer from cracked nuts if young Miss Victoria comes back de-virginized. Later when it’s time to go young Miss Victoria comes down the steps with her pretty dress and Papa Ritchie thinks she forgot to put her jeans underneath.

Its family portrait day and grandpa Gorga stumbles in to the house, bitching and complaining that he can’t see shit because he just came back from the doctors who put eye-drops in his eyes just in case another fun night of table flipping and yelling (like the Christening from hell) occurs this way he doesn’t have to see it. Psycho midget Joey wants to drink with grandpa Gorga, but this makes little Gia nervous because she knows once the adults start drinking the punches start flying and she’s seen this one too many times in her young life so she tries to stop them, to no avail.

Later grandpa Gorga farts during the family photo-shoot and the photographer tells him to stop farting. But it’s too late the green toxic fart cloud is already hanging over the family picture that already got taken it represents the Gorga/Giudice feud and the fart that bonds them together.

And now the gossip/recipe cookbook Fabulicious. At Caroline’s Lauren has a surprise surprise for Caroline. (She wasn’t surprised she seen this earlier) and it’s a copy of Teresa’s latest cookbook. Lauren tells her mother Caroline what asshole Tree wrote about her in the cookbook calling her “Italian as the Olive Garden” ragging on the way Caroline prepares her fried meatballs and saying Caroline is only 1/16th Italian. So Caroline acts like she is pissed (she is still pissed from earlier when she originally read the book, but now the cameras are here so she gets worked up again) and Gregg yells “AWWW HELL NOOO!!!”

As Lauren continues to read the list of insults that Teresa printed in her cookbook mama Manzo gets more and more pissed-off specially when she is reminded that Teresa insulted her baby Christopher for wanting to open up a stripper/car-wash and Teresa says she wouldn’t want her daughters working there. That’s true I guess she wouldn’t want Gia to be the main attraction over at Bada Bing’s Car Wash Boobs and Lube, while poor Milania has to work as security. Not fair why can’t they both be the main attraction? Just kidding they are good girls, they are going to be pimping those bitches instead not being one of them , which is much better.

Caroline then says that her friend-shit with Teresa is over. The other Manzo children start  howling  a war-bark at the moon, and Lauren finishes it with “Hang around shit long enough you start to stink.”

At Kathy’s her husband Ritchie throws away the book when they also discovered Teresa called him an annoying asshole and at Melissa’s she complains to her older sister that Tree called her a copycat and she says she will hide this book from Psycho Joey and since his punk ass don’t know how to read he is not going to find out what Tree wrote about Mel. That is until the episode airs and he sees for himself.

Jacqueline shows up at Tree’s to confront her about the book, but chickens out later when she notices that Gia is on her mama’s side when it comes to Tio Joe and how “Melissa controls him.”

The episode continues with the ending of the Teresa and Kathy fight in Punta Cana. Barney Devito grabs a net and puts it around his wife’s neck to haul her away because he knows damn well she is a “hot-headed” asshole and likes to start all kinds of shit over nothing. After that, Barney Devito  has a talk with Ritchie while they both primp themselves in the bathroom and Barney Devito  being the enlightened man that he is, tells Ritchie that he is not defending Teresa because women are “are fucking retarded” anyway. Yeah, just wait until ALL his daughters are grown and still living in the house with him and Tree and he says that comment while ALL of them are on their periods at the same time (including Teresa unless she is on menopause) I can just see Milania when she gets promoted from brat to bitch, SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU OLD TROLL GIVE ME PIZZA  I’M ON MY PERIOD!!

Jacqueline and Chris decide to walk off to talk shit about what a wackadoo Teresa is. Chris gets tired and decides to suddenly jump on Jacqueline’s back for a piggy back ride back to the hotel while kicking her on the sides and grabbing her boobs yelling “YAH!! YAH!!”

While this is going on the Rat Pack, Albie, Christopher and Gregg decide they are going to spy on Barney Devito and Teresa doing it while they are both in the bathroom. EEEWWWW!!!  Instead, they end up outside the bathroom window where Teresa is now changing into a mood changing “Wonder Woman, crazy bitch” I’M IGNORING KATHY outfit created by NASA. While the Three Stooges are trying to fish out gossip (for the gossip magazines later,) Barney Devito walks in on them and instead of busting them he thinks they are spying on Tree ”pooping” and he doesn’t care. As a matter of fact he opens the window for them so they can get a whiff too!

That night they all go out to get drunk and into a fist-punching, kick stomping bar brawl, surprisingly with other people NOT with each other. Except Bravo never airs the bar brawl only the earlier part of the evening when the Giudice/Gorga’s were a lovey-dovey-family. Teresa and her brother hug and kiss, Barney Devito and Melissa hug and kiss. Barney and Psycho Midget Joey hug and kiss then, they play swords with each other, to see who is the shortest troll with the smallest itty bitty penis and it’s a tie. It’s all one big dysfunctional happy family-orgy full of hugs kisses and farts. To be honest with you I would rather see this interaction than when they’re drunken bitch slapping each other and of course we all know this didn’t last.

The next day Melissa and Psycho Joe Gorga release some “poison” in the bathroom and the Manzo boys, but specially Man-Servant-Sexy-Gregg feel lucky to walk in on it since Psycho Midget Joey had his little ”Tarzan” “On Display.”

The girls including Miss Gregg all decide to follow Teresa’s lead and go to the market in Punta Cana. They all get dressed up and decked out in their tackiest high heels from head to toe. These bitches think they are all going to the upscale Gucci and  Louis Vuitton stores  they are all accustomed to. So, when they show up cameras in-tow in all their pampered Princess tacky glory at the open air market the locals where confused  and excited. They didn’t know if these bitches where upscale hookers from the USA taking over their little dirty humble, parasite, farm animal carcass infested open air third world market. But they were close. VERY CLOSE! I bet this was the most exciting thing that happened in their little village since that one time that Pedro farted nasty at the public sinks at the plaza. They are going to be talking about this for years to come.

Those bitches walking around on those run down streets as if they where freaking out in a bloody massacre horror film in their five hundred dollar “Gucci’s” on drippy blood were NOT the only things that were  ”on display” at that open air market. The carcasses of dead cows and chicken heads were, but it appears their fake titties where upstaging the other things at that meat market. Did y’all see those scary looking locals drooling on those ho’s? Then, Teresa decides to grab a dead chicken and goes on chasing the other bitches with it. Teresa also decides to fan her cooch and ask the confused spice vendor if he ever read her book since she is a famous author and TV Star extraordinaire and even if this humble village doesn’t have any Internet access (except for the local drug lord) Teresa feels that is NO excuse for this quiet humble vendor who doesn’t even understand what the fuck she is saying, to NOT know who she is.

Teresa says the reason she is out in the local market is because she is doing research on writing her third cook book where she will be doing a “fusion” of Italian and Italian food. Except this time instead of using tomatoes, cheese, dough, meat and spices for the base “ingrediencess” she will be using dough, tomatoes, meat and cheese instead. So it’s totally different see.

While the Puta Princesses are out flapping their goods “On Display” for the local village the men go golfing. And when I say golfing they went and treated the golf course like the batting cages. The Godfather is the only one that knows how to golf (since he has to make all those crooked deals with city officials an’ all) and he is appalled and embarrassed he took these ass-mooning, drunken, savage, clowns with him.

That night Barney Devito was surprisingly going horn-dog on Teresa. Maybe it turns him on when she freaks out and goes “crazy bitch” on the other ho’s.

The Manzo boys decide that everything has been too peaceful between the ho’s and want to see a cat-fight so for the final dinner at Punta Cana they decide to have a contest to see who the Puta Cana Princess is. Immediately Teresa starts taking this nonsense serious like her life depends on it and gets this worried look in her face because she is afraid to lose this life or death contest.

They each win some lame ass category. Melissa gets asked who the VP of the United States and the bitch didn’t know his name!

IS THIS DUDE!

Then someone showed her this picture and she suddenly remembered it was Biden. When Melissa gets one more question about world geography she gets another point for naming Antarctica as the continent where Egypt resides because apparently none of these dip-shits know Egypt is in Africa none of them know, not even ex-college drop out Albie, oh wait maybe that’s why he got flunked out of school.

On the very last day of their trip Teresa’s lost bag of faux-jewerlies arrives after it went on its own traveling adventure from Florida to Las Vegas to Hawaii and then back to the Dominican Republic. When Teresa gets her bags she jumps up and down from joy and Greg rolls up his eyes.

Everyone goes back to the United States, after almost half of them got detained for the bar brawl and that was Albie, Barney Devito and Greg.

Melissa is now back in New Jersey and is nervous about her big performance at the Black Water thingy. When she walks in to meet with her professional back up dancers you can tell she is nervous and since she “doesn’t know how to dance worth shit” like Ritchie said in an earlier episode she can’t keep up with the dance steps. This is the reason the strip club place had to make her a bartender instead. Psycho Midget Joe also was trying to rent some live tigers to distract people in case Melissa’s performances flops because what better way to be distracted than to be worried there are two live tigers that can go on a feeding bloody frenzy at any minute in a room packed with about 600 people and one exit.

Then, when she does her singing rehearsal she sounds like a banshee having sex with a werewolf so they auto-tune her real nice and somehow a scientist comes up with a formula that makes her shoes give her rhythm to follow the dance steps. Awesomely she pulls the performance off and turns on all the mens even Barney Devito who congratulates her by giving her a long dry humping hug. Everyone loves each other even Teresa and Kathy get along, Teresa goes as far as apologizing to Kathy for being a crazy asshole. They are all one big happy dysfunctional issue-infested family! For now.

 

Teresa continues guilt tripping her brother Psycho Joe into staying to celebrate the Christmases with the Giudice’s, but Joe insists on packing up the little ones and taking off to Kathy and Rick’s house (I don’t know maybe Rick has the good coke over there?). The kids wanted to clearly stay and play with their cousins, but unfortunately the adults can’t play nice so the little ones have to suffer. And when you’re a kid something like playing with your cousins is very important shit and can fuck up your agenda if you miss a play date. 

Grandpa Gorga also lays the guilt trip on Mel and tells her that he came by her house three times recently and no one was home. Mel tells him that’s not her problem and to call her ahead of time next time he wants to be a pain in the ass like that. Grandpa Gorga says he doesn’t use the telephone because he prefers the ”I want to be an annoying old prick method” and dinosaurs it to the her house unannounced whenever he feels like it, without any consideration of the time of day it is because he no longer has any concept of time, and even if he did he doesn’t give a shit if the younger people have things to smoke or people to fuck with. Yeeah, y’a ll believe Melissa’s bullshit story that she wasn’t home? Because y’all know she WAS! She just didn’t open the door! She was probably tip-toeing making sure she did not make any noise because her butch friend Rosie was over trimming her hedges and they were both sneaking around to prevent old man Gorga from hearing them and that concert they were playing.

Little Gia goes cute monkey on her favorite uncle and hangs on him in the hopes he will stay, but sadly that doesn’t work either. Teresa immediately blames her cousin Kathy and goes on and on a long rampage about Kathy being the devil and worse that Hitler for stealing her brother and sister-in-law and using potions in her desserts to control their thoughts, which is why Joe and Mel refuse to stay. Later on Kathy says she’s cool with Mel and Joe staying with Tree so Teresa ends up looking like an asshole ’cause she is, and it wasn’t even Kathy’s decision for Mel and Joe to kick it with her. It was Psycho Joe’s decision he is the one that decided he wants to run out of  Tree’s house  like the bitch has head lice and is going to infect him and his family with it. Teresa also thinks that Kathy is trying to steal her cooking thunder with her potions of course.

Caroline is on her four-day cooking marathon, (did she really just sniffed her armpit?) hasn’t showered or shaved her face for a whole week,  is now sporting a ZZ Top beard and stinks like Bigfoot’s asshole, and if you have a problem with it TOO BAD BITCHES! So NOBODY better complain about having a red beard hair in their mashed potater. Better eat around it! The oldest member of the Manzo clan has a senior moment and stands up to give a speech about respect that gets drowned out by the loud noise of the whole drunken Manzo clan talking and nobody listening. Chris is on his phone, Caroline is picking her ass and Ashley is picking her nose nobody cares and there’s a food fight going on. I don’t see Dina anywhere. Jacqueline is trying to convince her little son CJ that Santa Claus is outside riding his Santa mobile. Chris runs out to make noise with some cheap bells but CJ is not buying it and tells his momma not to bullshit a bullshiter because this shit could of worked with Ashley, but not with him.

Over at the Wikipedia’s house Chankla Face was invited! She was the centerpiece of that party and is naked laying on a platter. She looks good like she gained some weight, leaving Russell must of done wonders not just does she look more healthy her skin looks the smoothes it has in ages. I am very impressed!

Caroline is debating if she should invite Mel and Psycho Joey to her New Years bash at the BrownStoner, but looks like Christopher beat her to it because everyone loves fun Mel and Psycho Joe plus who knows Psycho ass may just wear a tu-tu for this party and give them a free drag show. AWESOME!

The Godmother also decides that she wants to invite Kathy and Richard to the pachanga. Jacqueline gets all worried, but you can’t tell because that bitch is so full of botox she doesn’t even have facial expressions anymore she tells Caroline that Teresa is not going to like the Wikipedias at the party and she may go caveman on their ass. The God Mother tells Jacqueline FUCK TERESA THIS AIN’T HER PARTY!! And Jacqueline backs off and shuts the fuck up, but you still can’t tell if she is mad, sad, scared or what since her face remains frozen. Jacqueline’s husband tells her to stay out of the dramz and Jacqueline is fuming pissed, but again we can’t tell the difference. Meanwhile, in the other part of town Kathy is waiting by the phone chanting into her candles, wearing horns, with a cigar in her mouth doing incantations that the God Mother will invite her to the New Years Bash.

Caroline gives her children their fugly ass bracelets and they all start crying yelling THIS IS IT? THIS IS ALL WE GOT FOR CHRISTMAS?!! WE GOT JIPPED!!! Chris demands his BB gun and Caroline tells him he’s gonna shoot his eye out.

Moving right along we go to Jacqueline’s house where the children are opening box after box of presents. Looks like a fucking warehouse up in that bitch.  We also learn that Assho-ley did NOT buy her parents any presents because you know, she had to buy crap for her new car (that her step-daddy bought her and momma paid for it with numerous blow jobs and teetie-fucks) and so WHATEVER! Poor Assho-ley, didn’t even have the time to maybe slap together a freaking picture or a Christmas card with some paper clips and dried macaroni or cat litter or some shit she found around the house that her parents pay for? (And you know what sucks next episode we all learned she has artistic abilities and she could of at least drawn her mom a dad a picture or a Christmas card what an ungrateful ass!)

Over at Melissa’s they are keeping up with the warehouse theme as well as working on their own future bankruptcy, their kids are surrounded by large boxes of gift after gift. Melissa gets some expensive ass gifts including a Rolex watch and some five hundred dollar stripper stilettos that her daughter helped pick out. Great her kid is learning early. Psycho Joe also reveals he has completed Melissa’s prison dungeon recording studio, where he will keep her ‘locked in”.  After all the gifting, Psycho Joe asks Mel if she can put on her football helmet and gear so he can call her Steve; while he tries on her stilettos and cheer-leading skirt and she answers NOT TONIGHT IS JESUS’ BIRTHDAY!!  Melissa is going to eventually have to give  that horny ape at least a hand job she is going to run out of excuses soon and he did get her all those expensive gifts. Pobrecito he can NOT even get a finger up his corn-hole from Melissa and it’s Christmas.

At Teresa’s house Barney Devito is in a drunken comma and has a big hangover. He refuses to get out of bed to see the girls opening their presents. Teresa tells her daughters that no one is opening up presents until their father gets up and tells them to go wake up their groggy dad whom after some under his breath curse words and some farts rolls out of bed and plops on the couch, all out of it and shit, while holding the camera to film the wall. Don’t worry Barney the Bravo cameras are there they will get the footage. I don’t understand why the fuck she sends those poor girls to wake up their dad with his hangover like that? If she was smart she would put the bong under his nose and his ass would of jumped right out of bed.

Teresa’s children also get ass loads of Christmas gifts including drum-sets and toy cars. I see why Barney Devito is tired he must of gotten up early to swipe those gifts from Psycho Joe’s house while Psycho Joe’s children were distracted having breakfast. Teresa got some gloves and a fugly ass fur coat but NO DIAMONDS! Barney Devito wasn’t thin enough to crawl through the duct vents of the local jewelry store and borrow some diamonds for Tree this year so she got fucked out of diamonds. Sorry Tree!

Over at the Wikipedia’s Kathy bought her husband a wedding band because he keeps losing them down  stripper’s g-strings and then those bitches think it’s a tip, plus he gets hit on more by the strippers when they see he is wearing his wedding band because they want that extra tip. So Kathy decided to get her husband a new wedding band and will be securing it to his finger with some industrial level cement glue.

Because the Wikipedia children want to sneak off to party later, they got their mom a laptop and a cute Christmas speech and their parents got them a  ‘do what I say and not what I did’ contract which will later be broken when they both sneak out to party and cause havoc. Those kids are smart, I bet they get away with more shit than Ass-holey who doesn’t understand the politics of playing your cards right when it comes to taming your parents.

Albert and Caroline are missing their kids during Christmas because they are no longer little and cuddly. Albert is driving and heads towards the same underpass at the freeway, were he proposed to Caroline years ago. This is also the same underpass where  some of Albert’s associates who didn’t shut the fuck up, are now resting and The Godfather is there to make sure the wild dogs didn’t dig anybody up he doesn’t want to see. Then Caroline asks him why they are driving at the same spot he proposed to her at. And Albert thinks to him self  OH SHIT! So he all of the sudden nervously says  to play it off, OH YEAH!! I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE THIS TIME I AM DOING IT IN ONE KNEEE NOT LIKE THE CRAPPY LAST TIME WITH NO KNEE AND IT DIDN’T COUNT!

Gia is throwing up her guts,and Teresa yells “ARE YOU IN THE TOILET!” . Barney Devito is sitting there laughing his ass off because I bet this is Gia’s first hangover since she had her first beer with her pops and now she’s a man. After Gia throws up, her mom asks her to pose for a picture with a fresh pukey face.

The Manzo’s attend a concert where Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley’s daughter Alexa is performing and supposedly Albie is dating this girl and Caroline is desperate to arrange a marriage between the two (maybe she should employ Kathy to make her a love potion). The Godmother and Albie want to make sure that Christopher doesn’t embarrass them in front of Alexa with his Mad Cajun voice. The Godmother says that her baby Albie was raised at the same level of snootiness as princes Billy Joel. I didn’t know caterings business bastards make as much as some big time artist. Ok people Caroline just told us that we are all idiots and are in the wrong business. Except for those of you who launder catering. Alexa makes a joke about being older than Albie and Albie answers by calling her an old lady and making an ass of himself. Albie didn’t need any help from Christopher making an ass of himself he seems to be able to do that all on his own. Alexa’s mom Christie avoids that crowd and decides to bail before Caroline calls her over and it becomes awkward. Caroline keeps looking over her shoulder with hopeful puppy dog eyes hoping for Christie Brinkley to come by and say ‘hi’ and sits there dreaming of Alexa becoming her future daughter in-law and it’s never going to happen. Sad.

Teresa Giudice is once again milking the covers of Intouch Weekly . This time she is crying to them about how she is worried about her husband Barney Devito ending up  in prison for ten years, while she has to be left alone to raise four children and fend for herself against her Psycho ass planet of the apes brother and his wannabe Jo De La Rosa wife Melissa.

Teresa tells Intouch: “I would be very nervous about the kids if Joe were to go to prison,” and, “Daddy is their hero and their king. They go crazy for him.”

Barney Devito also threw his 2-cent in about his bro-in-law and says that fool,“would not do “sh*t” for Tree. And he painfully admits he would understand if Tree divorced his ass if he went to prison for driving with a licence that did not belong to him. Not to mention all that illegal fraud shit he did. Looks like Teresa may have to join Mob Wives because her man is going to be in prison and thats required for that show. No?

Teresa says her sister in law Melissa contacted her via text when all the shit hit the fan to see if she was ok but her bro did not contact her:“When the whole thing happened, his wife [Melissa] texted me,”  she added,  “I was nice to her, saying, “Thanks for text. We’re doing fine.’ But it would have been nice if my brother called. He is my brother — it would have been good of him to reach out to me.”

While Teresa Giudice is worried that her husband will end up going to prison and she will be left alone to raise her four daughters and fend for herself, Barney Devito must be more worried about the safety of his corn-hole and becoming the 11thconcubine to some 300 pound hairy inmate, that selected him while in the shower with 200 other inmates.

Also the lawsuit that the Circe de la Crazy got slapped with last Tuesday, was laughed at by Bravo who stated the very next day that the lawsuit has no merit in other words its bullshit. And that’s because the men who got the shit beat out of them by the Giudice and Manzo men took 25k each shut the fuck up bribe money and their claims that they were in duress don’t mean jack crap. Bravo put out a statement on Wednesday that they are making the complainants take the 25k and agree to shut their pie hole and the agreement, ”will be enforced and these claims are completely without merit.”

Teresa’s lawyer has stated that all this brawl bullshit happened because one of the men hit Teresa and it was all an act of self defense. From People.com:

 “They acted in self defense,” says Jim Kridel, an attorney for Teresa and Joe Giudice, saying that after the champagne incident, words were exchanged – and a member of the rival party physically assaulted Teresa.

 ”Teresa was hit and assaulted,” says Kridel. “She is still in pain over this. This wasn’t something that was minor.” He adds that whatever his client may have said, “mere words are not provocation to hit someone. There’s no justification for that.”

Any resulting physical altercation with the plaintiffs, “was an act of self-defense,” Kridelclaims. “If someone threatens you, you can react with reasonable force. That’s what my clients did.”

Kridel also denies the allegation, in court papers, that the cast members brutally assaulted Arreola and Gomez.

“It’s absolutely ridiculous that they were assaulted without provocation,” he says. “These people are very litigious and they are looking for an opportunity to look into someone else’s pocket.”

I wonder is Bravo will reconsider their choice in talent because I’m sure its all fun and games while Bravo is filming these idiots beat the shit out of each other and get sued, but once Bravo gets dragged in and have to bleed out extra money, at what point does their talent become a liability and no longer an asset?

 

Awww it’s all fun and games until someone gets sued. Remember that bullshit brawl  the Manzo and Giudice’s were involved in that happened a little while ago? Back in February? . Supposedly the people they beat up were told to sign some bullshit document saying they couldn’t sue the Real House Skanks Of New Jersey crew.

Well, the angry party came back and now they are pissed off and suing anyways because their lawyer says it doesn’t matter since the injured party were duped under duress while agreeing to not sue. According to msnbc.com the Real House Skank Platoon and their Male Skanks were all shitfaced wasted while partying at Punta Cana in the Dominican republic while filming took place and somehow a big ole’ brawl broke out because one of someone getting sprayed with Champagne.

Now that the lawsuit is taking place the reasons for what started the brawl are more detailed. According to the complainant Adolfo Arreola it was Joe Giudice/Barney Devito who initially sprayed Arreola’s mother in law and then clowned on her when she was wiping the booze from her eyes. So Arreola confronted Barney Devito and all the shit hit the fan when the Manzo boys and their roommate jumped in to help. 

 And supposedly they New Jersey men did cause some serious gangsta- damage when they went all thug  on the other men  including breaking arms and legs causing people blurred vision and all kinds of  Mafia thug damage. And so the victims are suing the Manzo boys Barney Devito and apparently even Bravo! Aaand even the Hard Rock Cafe! Aaand aaand one of the guys they jumped is a Chicago Cop! Awesome!

From msnbc:

Adolfo Arreola, a cop with the University of Illinois at Chicago’s police department, claims that his family was partying at the Hard Rock when the reliably mischevious Giudice sprayed his mother-in-law with champagne, then mocked her as she tried to wipe the alcohol from her eyes.

The suit, filed Monday, states that Arreola confronted Giudice, after which Joe, along with fellow “Housewives” regulars Albert and Christopher Manzo (Caroline’s sons), came to Teresa’s side and then ended up flying off the handle.

The Manzo brothers and their roommate, Gregory Bennett Jr., are all named as defendants, as is Bravo.

Arreola complains that he suffered a broken arm, blurred vision, cuts and bruises after the defendants “savagely beat, kicked, punched, scratched, jumped” on him. He has undergone surgery for his arm and is currently undergoing physical therapy, the suit states.

His cousin, Jason Gomez, also sued, claiming he suffered a broken leg and a torn MCL after he jumped in to help Arreola. Gomez says that he also underwent surgery and had two pins placed in his knee.

Both suits claim that the “Housewives” cast and crew were served too much liquor that night, making them “intoxicated, belligerent and rowdy.”

Arreola told the Chicago Tribune that they had been in Punta Cana to attend a vow-renewal ceremony for an aunt and uncle and the celebratino ended up being canceled after the brawl.

Their attorneys are requesting that Bravo hang onto any video taken of the incident. A network spokeswoman declined to comment on the lawsuits.

There you go, now Barney Devito can ad this disaster to his lawsuit-collection and have fun with that!

The hell with all the other House Skanks, they can all fall off the end of the earth and rot! BECAUSE THE NJ SKANKS ARE BACK!!!! And they didn’t even need Joker Face because there is enough drama in Teresa’s family to make everyone glad they’re not related to any of these savages.

After watching this first episode, I felt like my ass had to go to confession because this was some fucked up shit that I shouldn’t be watching and on top of that enjoying and my ass doesn’t go to confession. As a matter of fact I haven’t been to confession, since that one time they kicked me out of mass because I bursted into flames and they told to never come back to church again. EVER.

We open the episode with Teresa and husband Barney Devito plus their little daughters arriving at a Teresa and Barney’s nephew’s Christening who happens to be Melissa and Joe Gorga’s youngest son. Joe Gorga is Teresa Giudice’s younger brother who also happens to hate her and thinks she is ‘gaw-baige‘. And it all seems to stem from Teresa and Melissa hating and competing on each other.

Meet Melisa Gorga, married to Teresa’s little brother Joe Gorga. Melissa is just like the God Mother Caroline said another Teresa! Spoiled, obnoxious, stuck up, loud, living in a Cathedral made of marble and questionable money with 2.5 kids all complete with the Neanderthal husband with low forehead who looks like he has no problem ‘slapping his bitch down’ if she questions why he came home with lipstick on his pants, reeking of ass and feels cleaning is ‘women’s work’ like he instructed his young impressionable son.

It seems that Bravo keeps finding crazy bitches that are more ridiculous than the last one we clowned on. And so far Melissa Gorga makes Camille Grammer seem like a nice lady. Plus Melissa’s creepy ass, violent scary husband makes Barney Devito look like a nice guy. Bizarro!

Teresa and Barney arrive at the party, which is already in full swing in all it’s tacky Guido glory, crawling with gangs of hairy, loud, drunken-men with open silk, reject-porn-star, shirts and huge gold chains. All the bitches are dressed like casino prostitutes, with twenty-pound hair that can be dangerous and combustible from the gallons of super-hold AquaNet in it.

The decorations include, unnecessarily huge sculptures of crosses, pricey paintings of the baby, and there’s food galore. The alcohol bar is flowing freely through the party resulting in everyone being drunk off their ass. Teresa’s brother appears to have already been drinking for a while that day, plus possibly snorted some coke because the fucker is hostile and ready to fight.

Teresa and Barney appear to be uncomfortable and walking on eggshells when they enter this party and Barney doesn’t want to be there. Teresa asks Barney if his stomach is feeling okay and he answers something with a gibberish mumble.

Joe Gorga is at the popular kids table with Melissa next to him as prom queen. He is surrounded by his posse and he is pounding the hooch non-stop, and loudly preaching some drunken spewage about how his kids are his ‘world’.

Teresa is sitting at another table with Barney Devito and tells him she is going over to say ‘hello’ to her family. You can tell that bitch is nervous and even though she is trying to be nice by saying ‘hello’ to her brother who is by now at his peak of being super lit, he crushes her and disses that bitch in front of everybody and their grandma including his niece little Gia, when his crazy ass flips out on Teresa and calls her ‘garbage’. Barney Devito jumps on his ass, and a big ass brawl breaks out.

We go back to one week earlier. Barney Devito no longer works in the e-jem, ‘construction businesses’. He is now working in a pizza parlor and miraculously him and Teresa can still afford the gaudy seventeen bedroom mansion.

Teresa says during her camera interview that her and Barney Devito just went through a bankruptcy. More like they are still going through it. That’s why they have Barney Devito working twenty seven hours a day and Barney complains about it. But, Teresa thanks God, because her ass doesn’t want to have to move to one of those ‘linoleum floor suites’ above the pizza parlor . So she is ‘pounding the pavement’ and whoring her Skinny Italian book because ‘mama has to bring home the bacon.’

The pizzeria is packed and Teresa seems to be having a book signing there that very night. She is very happy that people are bringing her crosses and all kinds of religious items to help her get through her bankruptcy. And also keep the vampires away. Jacqueline says that while Teresa’s family sucks and they don’t support her she is there to support Teresa and so is Caroline.

Caroline’s son’s Albie and Christopha’ have leased a nice chick-magnet, party-pad, with a great view of the water in Hoboken. Now I am not from the East coast, but my guess is that a nice place like this one costs around 3k. So I bet that mom and pop are footing the bill. Caroline is still having a hard time cutting the cord and when she finds out her youngest son is also moving out she says is a stab in her heart, plus she is bummed that she started out with three children at home and now she has only one left and that one doesn’t even count! Lauren looks pissed.

Speaking of children trying to move out of their parents’ house. We learn that professional weave-puller Ashley has now gotten a job at a PR agency for some crazy, seventy- pound, crack-head looking woman who looks like she has been up all nigh on meth-binges for the past six months with no sleep.

This scary scare-crow is none other than Lizzie Grubman. Who back in July of 2001, drove her Mercedes SUV into a crowd of people outside a nightclub at the Hamptons, after yelling “Fuck you, white trash”. How did this skank avoid going to prison? I don’t know!

Turns out Ashley is a un-paid slave (Lizzie needs every dollar she can get to buy that meth that’s shit costs money!), and free advertising on this trashy show for this lovely lady who more than likely asked Ashley to bring her NJ House Skank mom with the camera crew in-tow. Ashley is obviously overdressed for her unpaid slave job, she is wearing some hooker stilettos and I am surprised she doesn’t fall on her ass.

The most bizarre thing happens when Lizzie starts talking to Jacqueline about how Ashley is doing in her job. The whole thing emulates a teacher talking to the parent about the child’s grades during parent teacher night. Lizzie complains to Jacqueline about how Ashley is lazy and she hardly ever shows up to work.

Ashley comes up with lame excuses about not having bus fair and expecting her mom and dad to pay for that shit. Stupid Ashley gets all pissed and whinny when her mom tells her to grow up and get a job. Then she storms off into another room to cry while Lizzie goes to comfort her. Lizzie continues kissing ass to Ashley to get herself more camera time and makes a comparison of herself and Ashley. She tells her ‘I swear, you’re like are a carbon copy of me… without the, you know violence’. Well I guess I must be stupid because running over people with an SUV must not count as violence.

It’s funny how Ashley blows up at her spineless mom, but when that tweeker bitch initiated the whole thing by telling Jacqueline how lazy Ashley is, she didn’t even blink at her over it.

The whole thing is very awkward. Jacqueline is upset that Ashley ran off to cry and didn’t want to talk like an adult. But not even ten minutes later Jacqueline runs off when Chris is lecturing Ashley and he interrupts Jacqueline so she throws a tantrum also. I wonder were Ashley learned to throw tantrums like that?

Teresa and Jacqueline hang out together and take their children out for a play date at some park. Teresa confides to Jacqueline how her relationship with her younger brother Joe deteriorated after he got married to Melissa. Teresa says that before Melissa came in the picture Teresa and her brother used to be real close and when Joe married Melissa Teresa was hoping her and Melissa would become sisters.

But, Melissa blew her off since she has sisters of her own, who are older than her and are a mixture of Patty and Selma from the Simpsons and the evil stepsisters in Cinderella. Damn those bitches are vicious! They also happen to hate Teresa. Melissa seems to find blame on Teresa for anything stupid including bitching about making a lame excuse to not attend Teresa’s book signing because she wasn’t invited. All these people are petty!

Teresa insist that she had no idea her and Barney Devito were going through bankruptcy until he told her ass she couldn’t shop at Chanel but instead had to shop at the dollar store. ‘Conservative’ Teresa can’t throw the big wasteful parties anymore and with Barney Devito working at the pizzeria for minimum wage it must be hard to afford it.

Next Melissa drives her SUV and brags about her plush life that we all wish we had . She blabs out in a stuck up tone: ‘I tend to be very spoiled, so what?’ . When these bitches brag they curse their own faux-life styles. Real old money doesn’t brag. But these bitches are wanting to rub it in your face every five seconds. That’s why their shit gets foreclosed and bankruptcies exposed. So Melissa doesn’t realize it yet but she just cursed her own shit, by bragging like that on TV. She better get ready for the public bankruptcy and foreclosure circus that will be landing on her house next.

After that brief little introduction we see a gross scene where Melissa calls her husband the other Joe and asks him to lotion up her toes and then he ends up french kissing them. Then he wants to lotion her ass on national TV. Maybe they’re willing to compete with Tamra’s nasty bathtub scene. After that disgusting scene that I dind’t need to see Melissa brags about her domestic bliss.

Five minutes later her husband bitches her out for giving the children baths but not him. He nags her for ignoring him. So much for being a ‘whore in the bedroom’.

Melissa also makes sure we know she is the queen winner of the competition between her and Teresa of the tacky mansions because hers is 15,000 square foot, and way more tackier. Melissa’s husband surprised her with the blue prints of this fan-tacky-lar castle and since he is a very successful developer, in the booming real state economy that for some mysterious reason is only booming for these people in NJ. He was able to spare no expense for this monster mansion.

Melissa praises her husband’s work ‘ethnic’ and we all get to see him using his wonderful work ‘ethnic’ when he yells at the workers transporting the heavy flower planters.

Then Psycho Joe calls his wife his ‘ hero’. But two seconds later in another scene, when Melissa instructs her son to help her clean up, Psycho Joe tells the boy to go play football with him instead, because he doesn’t have to help his mom clean up because ‘that’s for the women’. Lovely.

Melissa just sits there and doesn’t say anything to Psycho Joe about that little cave-man comment. Melissa also has the tendency to constantly thank ‘Jesus’ for this and that. She’s gotta be the Guido version of Alexis Bellino.

Next we get introduced to Kathy who is coming over to Melissa’s for lunch . She is Psycho Joe and Teresa’s cousin. Psycho Joe and Teresa’s father is Kathy’s mother’s brother. And Kathy is also in bad terms with Teresa. Right when they all sit to have lunch the conversation turns to Teresa. Psycho Joe complains and moans about Teresa choosing a new fake TV family called ‘Caroline and Jacqueline’. Kathy says she can’t believe Teresa acts like nothing happened with all that 11 million dollar bankruptcy scandal and she states that if she was Teresa she would be too embarrassed to leave the house. That’s fucked up but true!

Melissa and Joe apparently are very resentful because even when they were invited to the Teresa and Barney Devito events they were supposedly ignored.

We get to see more of Kathy and her life. We learn that she is married to a non-Italian. She has two children one who likes to play with knives in bed. And she likes to go shopping on her beach cruiser while drunk off her ass she also enjoys landing on her face when the groceries tip her bike over.

Of course Kathy does her part in pushing the ‘family first’ campaing against Teresa and she says something so stupid is funny about how families fights and how her and her sister fought the other day and she may of even pulled her sister’s hair and later they made up by having dinner together. Kathy tells it so cute so is not even an issue. The way she explains it makes it so okay for families to get into nasty ass fists fights while the children witness it, but it’s all okay because they are family so being in a domestic violence situation is perfectly acceptable because they are family and Kathy explains it so cute so it’s okay.

And now let’s check in with the Manzo clan who are preparing their version of a Southern meal complete with burned biscuits and chili. Christopher is practicing ‘Cajun’ gibberish. He must love King Of The Hill. The whole Manzo clan is having a good time and they are all pitching in to cook a nice Southern meal. Caroline thinks no one in the world knows how to make pasta. Some people grew up surfing, eating tacos and making pasta tortillas. She’ll be surprised what’s out there. But it’s nice to see they are trying to expand their horizons by cooking non-Italian. Christopher says he wants to be Southern really bad because they are better at everything. The God-Mother demands of her eldest son to watch her baby when they move out.

It’s nice to watch people interact joking and without drama, for a change. But anyways enough of the happy crappy family stuff although it is nice, it gets boring after a minute or two, I wanna see the bitch slapping circus of crazy . If I wanna see happy and non-eventful I will just hang out with my husband, my daughter and my cat on Sunday and cook Lasagna-Enchiladas. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be Mexican-Italian.

So let’s jump right onto the crazy and it all begins at Melissa’s mansion. It’s early morning and Psycho Joe is already drinking.Who knows how many lines of coke he did too while the cameras where not around. Melissa and her evil sisters are also already sipping on champagne before going to the church. Her sisters specially Lysa have that look in their eye like they are hoping and ready for a fight with Teresa.

Meanwhile in the other tacky mansion Teresa is getting ready, her children are running around screaming and crying. Little baby Adrianna tries her luck at running away from home and away from her crazy relatives. She was planning to run as far away as she can all the way to Southern California, lose the NJ accent, and become a surfer girl. She almost succeeds but when she gets to the top of the grand staircase she damn near takes a dive. But the make-up artist Daniel, ruined her plans to run off.

Teresa is bitching and whining that her hair and makeup girl she’s been using forever, is over at none others but Melissa’s house. But isn’t this guy Daniel over here also doing hair, can’t he do her hair? Wait here’s a concept why can’t she do her own damn hair! I don’t understand, maybe Teresa doesn’t know how to use a curling iron or maybe only the other hairstylist that Melissa kidnapped is the only one that can deal with Teresa’s King Kong hair when it’s not combed. I don’t know.

The Gorgas as well as the Giudice’s are always at each other’s throat’s constantly and suspicious of each other even over the most trivial, insignificant things that would be unnoticeable to other people. Barney Devito becomes suspicious immediately that Melissa may be holding the hair and makeup girl hostage, to prevent her from showing up at Teresa’s house on time therefore making Teresa late for the Christening.

Camera switch over to Melissa, who is holding up the hair and makeup girl longer by forcing her to shower her 40 pound curls, in 250 gallons extra of Aqua Net super-hold. Teresa should of just showed up to that party with a lighter and the minute Melissa and her sisters Bertha and Brunhilda started with their shit, she should of just lit those bitches up and they would of gone up in flames like a Roman candle. Little Psycho Joe would of gotten hurt too, sitting in such close proximity to his wife, and with all the barrels of alcohol he consumed that night his ass would of just exploded. Teresa then could of just sat there looking dumb like she always does, acting like she had no idea what just happened.

Gia is going to her gymnastics competition and missing the Christening because if she misses practice she will be kicked out. Barney Devito is walking around scaring everybody with no shirt on. Gia tells him to put a shirt on! YEAH PUT A SHIRT ON QUIT SHOWING OFF FOR THE GYMNASTICS INSTRUCTOR!

Teresa sees this as an opportunity to pimp him out to the gymnastics instructor and yells ‘come on juicy Joe show us your muscles!’. Yep, that bitch is trying to make a buck any way she can. That mansion it’s expensive! At least she is learning ‘work ethnic’. In your face Melissa!

Barney Devito finally puts a shirt on because the gymnastics instructor left. Thank God!

The hair and makeup girl finally shows up and Teresa chews her out for not leaving Melissa’s house earlier. The hair and makeup girl says there was no way she could escape. But surprisingly this one doesn’t tell Teresa all the shit she heard while helping Melissa and the whale sisters get ready. Because ya’ all know damn well she heard a lot of shit!

Barney Devito is walking around in a dirty Walmart shirt and hanging around the garage. He also claims he has the explosive chorro and can’t make it to the Christening. Or so he says. Teresa is starting to feel sick and believes she caught the Hershey Squirt explosives from Barney Devito, and when she gets the runs is no joke. So all these shenanigans were going on and whether real or imagined these difficulties were preventing the Giudices to get to the Christening on time.

Barney Devito decides to stay home with the runs, and asks Teresa to pick him up later to go to the reception. Teresa agrees because she doesn’t want Barney Devito to accidentally shart at the church.

While Alexis I mean Melissa, is driving to the church with her children. She says something so disturbing in so many levels when she asks the baby if he is ‘ready to go to Jesus’ Kingdom.’ That sounds not right in so many ways and twisted on so many levels.

The subject turns to Psycho Joe and Teresa’s dad who is having heart problems. Melissa says that her husband hates Barney Devito for stealing his daddy from him. According to Psycho Joe’s claims, Barney Devito hangs around Psycho Joe’s dad all day and drinks with him, then he puts negative shit in grandpa Gorga’s head about Psycho Joe being a bad son because he is at work all the time. And Psycho Joe is hurt that Barney Devito stole his father from him because he ‘wants his father’. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE FIVE? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!

It sounds to me like these people just look for stupid things to nitpick at, and then blow them out of proportion! I’m sure grandpa Gorga knows that Psycho Joe has to work all the time and collect all the insurance money from the local businesses, while his thugs beat up the dead-beats that don’t pay on time. Psycho Joe should just be glad that Barney Devito is there for his dad getting drunk with him and watching Southpark. Let it go!. BUT NO! This goes deeper than this here and it’s all for the wrong petty reasons. On both sides I’m sure.

Melissa is also very pissed that Teresa and her family are not at the church. But, if she would have being there on time, I am sure the brawl would have started at the church in front of God and everybody. So she should be thanking Jesus the brawl took place at ‘The Manor’ and not at the church.

Teresa misses the Christening gets to the church late, walks right to her brother and says ‘congratulations’ then kisses the baby. Melissa continues to gripe about Teresa not being to the church on time and says that she doesn’t know if she showed up before the Christening or after. However, she is on time for the reception.

Melissa says she is not surprised Teresa missed the Christening, but not the reception because “That bitch will never miss a party, especially when someone else is paying.” That’s how Melissa and Psycho Joe knew for sure that Teresa would be at the party because she can’t resist the temptation and allure of a free party and once they trap Teresa at the party they can all corner her wail on her gang bang style Barney Devito too . It’s the perfect plan. Melissa even attacks little Gia for not ditching her gymnastics practice to go to the Christening. All in the name of ‘family first’. This is how this gang rolls.

We get to see a clip of Psycho Joe and Melissa plus all their children enter the reception hall. Psycho Joe advices Melissa to cause ‘no drama’. That is so ironic coming from his ass because of what takes place next.

The party is going on and Melissa is bragging about how she spared ‘no expense’. Once again we get to see all the crosses and lavish tapestry of tackiness that even the cakes have crosses. Looks like money can’t buy you good taste either. At least if a Vampire decides to crash this party they will all be protected.

Oh yeah and both Melissa and Teresa remind us of how they have another competition going over who throws the most lavish parties and who had more guest. Teresa claims over 200 guest at Adrianna’s Christening Quinceanera last season. Which is 50 more than Melissa is claiming. These bitches have to keep obsessive tabs on this type of petty shit. It’s important to them.

Teresa arrives at the reception dragging Barney Devito with her. Meanwhile inside the banquet hall Melissa and her sisters continue their shit-talking campaign on attacking Teresa and Barney. Melissa’s sisters assumptions are right on spot though about how Barney didn’t want to show up and Teresa had to go back and drag him with her. I wonder if Teresa was also confiding this info to the evil sisters or did someone else leaked it?

When the Giudice’s arrive it turns up the tension. Psycho Joe, Melissa and apparently everyone else in that clan have already prepared the wooden cross and nails needed when Teresa and Barney Devito show up because nothing those fucktards can do is right.

Psycho Joe offers Barney Devito a drink, but Barney Devito turns it down due to his stomach issues which he explains. Psycho Joe is of course quick to jump the gun and since everything Barney Devito does in his eyes is the wrong thing, he gets a boner because this gives Psycho Joe another excuse to start a fists fight with Barney Devito in the near future. Psycho Joe is happy to have something this awesome to look forward to; like a normal psychopath in his situation would.

But, for now the shit-storm of crazy is just forming and simmering waiting to boil over. And that won’t take long because Psycho Joe is pounding those shots of hard liquor that are helping him get there quicker.

Kathy and her husband also have issues with Teresa and even little Adrianna doesn’t like to be held by her uncle Rich. Teresa accuses Rich of being nosy and telling her not to spend her husband’s blood cash on national TV. Poor Rich was just trying to be a nice guy and help her, but Teresa didn’t want to listen to him and told him to blow it out his ass instead. And now she is 11 million dollars in bankruptcy debt.

Seventy five percent of the time these people where at this party, partying, all they did was talk about Teresa and Barney Devito.

Kathy’s husband Rich tried to talk Psycho Joe into making up with his sister the best way he knew how and it took a lot of skill and walking around egg shells to not make Psycho Joe blow up. But Psycho Joe was leaning more towards keeping the grudge going and grinding the ax more, so he wasn’t listening to Rich.

Psycho Joe explains during his camera interview how he can’t stand his sister and her drunken husband who doesn’t work, and blah, blah, blah, plus all the same tired spewage that Melissa was bitching about earlier. Psycho Joe also brings up how Teresa doesn’t include him and his wife in events and is competitive with his wife. All this petty shit.

Psycho Joe tries to convince us in his most psychopathic tone, how even though he wishes to bury his sister and her husband alive and put them to sleep with the fishes he cannot ignore the children. We learn that Psycho Joe became God-Father to Gia back when him and Teresa were in good terms. When Gia shows up to say hello to her uncle Psycho Joe, he assures her he loves her and she could never do any wrong in his eyes and he also reminds her that he would never do anything to hurt her.

The Gorga’s and their whole table which includes Melissa’s sister Lysa and her husband also name Joe, (I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH ALL THESE JOE’S) plus Kathy and her husband Rich spend their whole dinner continuing their endless obsession over Teresa and Barney Devito.

These fuckers have been drinking so much, their table looks like the dinning table at a college frat house after a Friday night. Psycho Joe tells Melissa he used to yell at her and beat her ass for not getting along with his family, but now she is allowed to react like a fuck-nut as much as she wants. He is allowing it. When everyone at his table tries to tell Psycho Joe to eat something because he is getting all excited he snaps ‘I’m talking!’. He is a loose cannon with a hair trigger. Plus that coke doesn’t help either.

Psycho Joe keeps rehashing and talking about Teresa and Barney Devito and so his tension build up and he enjoys it. Plus he is getting himself all pumped up, waiting, hoping and praying for a flying fists confrontation with Teresa and Barney Devito. So anything, and I mean ANYTHING either of them says to him can be used against them to start a brawl and unfortunately Teresa makes the mistake of walking over to their table and say ‘ hello’ and ‘congratulations’ to Psycho Joe and Melissa again. Which to a normal person it wouldn’t be an issue.

But since Melissa and Psycho Joe are not normal people, but rather talented people they both are able to somehow use their awesome talents to somehow turn the word “Congratulations” into fighting words.

After Teresa congratulates them Melissa accuses her sister-in-law of not congratulating them earlier at the church. Even though we all saw it and have footage! Psycho Joe sees this as his cue to blow up, and tells Teresa to walk the ‘fuck away you gaw-baige!”.

I bet Psycho Joe and Melissa’s evil sister Lysa, were the ones that snorted most of the cocaine they all did in the bathroom before the reception because that bitch was all happy when it was her turn to jump in and start attacking Teresa, when Teresa questions Psycho Joe’s reasons for inviting her and Barney Devito if he hates them so much. Lysa is lit and her eyes are popping out she jumps in and says with a malicious smile ‘IT WAS A TECHNICALITY!”

Teresa is shocked that Lysa is backstabbing her like this, when she has talked smack about her own sister Melissa when Teresa called her up to complain. And I bet Melissa was listening on the phone when Teresa was complaining and talking shit about her to her sister on the phone. That bitch Melissa and her sisters seem twisted like that. Watch how riled up and foaming at the mouth she is when she is screaming at Teresa ‘ONE SIDE DONT GET IT TWISTED! ONE SIDE!’ She has that vicious smile and her eyes are popping out. Mixing coke with all kinds of alcohol will do that. Same with Psycho Joe he is foaming at the mouth too. He just wants to punch Teresa.

Not even a full twenty minutes has passed and Gia’s loving uncle who promised Gia to never hurt her is foaming at the mouth pounding at the table about to flip it over, (it must run in that family) and calling her mother ‘gaw-baige!’ Totally scaring the fuck out of poor Gia who is crying and horrified trying to pull her mom away from her coked out drunken Psycho uncle Joe. I bet this little girl is gonna be telling a psychiatrist this in the near future.

Psycho Joe is going off on Teresa who surprisingly walks away while he is yelling and losing his shit over nothing. Barney Devito has been standing there the whole time witnessing his brother-in-law calling his wife ‘gaw-baige!’, so he deals with it the best way he knows how by running towards Psycho Joe yelling ‘ You’se sons of bitches!’ ready to tear Psycho Joe’s head off.

Barney Devito and Joe get pulled away from each other by the crowd of men and they don’t get to fight each other. But the brawl continues and by now coked out Psycho Joe is more pissed off and craving for a fist fight that even when his own wife Melissa is in the line of fire he just knocks her out of the way, with no concern, just like a true gangsta. And the bitch doesn’t act surprised because this must be a normal reaction from her husband in her household and also in social events.

The camera men gets knocked to the ground and you can hear Psycho Joe yelling ‘ I’ll fucking kill every one of yous!” and Melissa is yelling GET THE GUN GET THE GUN! Damn if that don’t remind me like some Quinceaneras in my old neighborhood same shit happened there. Suddenly and for no reason everyone jumps on some guy in a blue shirt who is getting beat up and you can see Melissa yelling and going chola all fighting and kicking all crazy and shit. Surprisingly Melissa doesn’t disclose whose ass they were all gang jumping on. So, I believe there is more to this little piece of footage that we will find out about later.

And it gets even better. Grandpa Gorga ends up damn near collapsing from the excitement that these orangutans caused and Psycho Joe gives the performance of his lifetime when he puts on his tiara and gown and cries to his papa about how he is jealous his dad hangs around Barney Devito all day.

For a minute everyone hated Teresa’s wild outburst and ignorant comments. Except for maybe me because I enjoyed how she chased after Joker Face like a mad cave-woman during hunting season, but then again I’m a sick puppy.

However, after seeing her drunken-ass, psycho, drama-queen, brother, waive his arms around and pound on the table like an ape with rabies, people are starting to understand why that bitch is so crazy. I even felt sorry for her and Barney Devito because the Gorgas topped them in the ghetto department and I enjoyed every sick second of it, of course. Except the part with kids crying that wasn’t cool. The whole thing was like a bad acid trip going insane. I’m surprised nobody got shot and the cops didn’t show up.

Albert Manzo decide to say fuck this shit and resign from his position as a commissioner on the North Jersey District Water Supply Commission after getting fired, for lying about living in a mansion in posh Franklin Lakes and not in a dingy apartment above the Brownstoner. Although him and Caroline still insist he did nothing wrong. He made a smart move to resing . If I were involved in some shady bizness I wouln’t want to be calling attention to my ass either.

After resigning Albert told Radaronline:

“I have always maintained my innocence,..I have maintained my residence here at The Brownstone for the past 15 years. We lived here together when we got married and when we moved out I never officially moved.”

And here is what the God Mother told Radaronline:

“I support my husband 1000% and there are no improprieties here,I agree with him…He’s proud of what he did on the board. He’s doing it because he loves his state and community and doesn’t want to bring any negativity… It all looks like it’s a cover up, when it’s not. There’s no hiding here.”

Yeah Bitches! You heard the God Mother Caroline, there is no hiding here, nothing to see here. This just happens to be a job with benefits that pays a little over 7k which  is just chump change. And he probably would of gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that pesky reality TV show that gave away his skeam.

 

Of course we all know that  going on a reality show can have its ugly consequences including losing a paycheck from a county job. Albert Manzo (the Godfather) husband of Caroline Manzo (the Godmother) from Real Housewives Of New Jersey lost his job as water commissioner for the North Jersey District Water Supply Commission . Because when he first applied he claimed that he lived in ghetto ass Patterson . However, when the episodes of the New Jersey House Skanks aired his boss New Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie  saw the show, and learned that Albert lives in a cushy mansion in Franklin Lakes and not in Patterson like he stated on his application when he first got that gig. According to Chris Christie, the water commissioner is required to live in Patterson not in Franklin Lakes and this is the reason he booted his ass.

 

Here is the original article with more details:

NEWARK – Gov. Chris Christie today doubled down on his rejection of North Jersey District Water Supply Commissioner Al Manzo’s dual residency argument.

“Have you seen his Franklin Lakes house on the Real Housewives of New Jersey?” Christie asked. “Do you really believe he’s sleeping on a cot in Paterson?”

The governor said a spooked Manzo probably submitted his address as Paterson because he knew state Sen. Gerald Cardinale (R-39) of Demarest wouldn’t sign off on a commissioner whose Brownstone banquet hall serves as the setting for Hawthorne state Sen. John Girgenti’s (D-35) annual beefsteak fundraisers.

For the second time in as many days, the governor accused Manzo of lying in the questionnaire he submitted to the governor’s office.

Christie yesterday formally suspended Manzo and Michael Cricco without pay: Manzo over the residency discrepancy and Cricco because he routinely has left his job at the Schools Development Authority and – while on the clock at that public job - attended commission meetings.

“That’s a fireable offense,” Christie said.

A third commissioner, Louis Cuccinello, resigned last week under pressure from the governor’s office.

“He’s 92-years-old and he missed 10 of the last 13 meetings,” said Christie. “He was elected vice chair at a meeting where he was absent. Let me tell you, that’s charisma.”

Manzo told PolitickerNJ.com yesterday that he intends to fight the firing. If a hearing officer rules that the governor mistakenly stepped up on Manzo, the governor said he will back down.

But these commissions “have been the bastion of every political hack and Republicans have been just as guilty as Democrats.

“Mr. Manzo says he’s a Republican?” the governor said. “I didn’t even know that.”