During the last episode of the Real HouseSkanks Of The OC , Tamra found out her boobs are still a size D and Vicki’s are double FF  Circus Teeties. While at the bra store Tamra yells out to the world that Briana eloped and is now doing it with her new husband. Vicki covers Tamra’s big mouth to shut it up because she is embarrassed her daughter ran off to marry since in Vicki’s mind (and what she tells everyone in town) Briana is still a virgin and holding her virginity until marriage ala Teresa Giudice style.

Then, Vicki sobs and admits the real reason she is pissed that Briana ran off to get married is because she messed up Vicki’s hope to run, control, stress over agonize and handle all of the aspects of Vicki’s  I mean Briana’s wedding; and if she could Vicki would also like to take control and handle all of Briana’s marriage situations after the wedding. So, this way Vicki can be happy. NOT!

Later on Slimey puts on some spandex (OH LAWD WHY!?) and heads out to ride bikes with Gretchen’s dad, this way he can also asks Gretchen’s dad for her hand in marriage. Gretchen’s dad response, first he laughs in Slimey’s face then he says something like: SHE IS A BIG GIRL, AND I DOUBT SHE’LL MARRIED A BROKE ASS SLIME BUCKET DEAD BEAT LIKE YOU, WITH  A TRAIL OF LEGAL TROUBLES WHO THINKS HE IS A STAR. So much for that!

Then, we find out it takes Gretchen four hours to cement on her makeup if not she looks like this:

Meanwhile Gretchen is having lunch with Tamra and her ears are ringing so she tells Tamra that she doesn’t want to marry loser Slimey because she knows he is a broke ass and all of his child support debts will become hers but, she keeps him around anyways so this way she can have a story line to sell us and someone to run to the store when she needs tampons, that’s what their relationshit is based on.

Then, they start talking about how Tamra is starting a gym without equipment only classes, (people can go on youtube and watch free exercise videos for that shit, just saying) and about how everyone will have to wear gowns to the Wines BY Wives event where Vicki will announce Briana’s recent elopement and later ambush Bri with an introduction to the new con man in her life whom her children haven’t met yet, even thought this asshole whom no one knows what he does for a living already knows all of Vicki’s email, Facebook and bank account passwords, not to mention the fact that, he drives Vicki’s cars around town and Vicki pays for his meals expensive hotels and designer clothes. These are the concerns Briana and all of America have but, smart business lady Vicki has no answers to these concerns. Like I said before, why doesn’t this desperate bitch just hire a gigolo instead?  They will tell her everything she wants to hear and is cheaper in the long run. Vicki may be business smart but street dumb. Truck driver tits Tamra seems to be more street smart but, Vicki who thinks she knows it all wouldn’t listen to Tamra’s advice when it comes to dipshit Crooked Brooks until her ass is on the street homeless, broke, toothless and wearing a barrel because Brook The Crook conned her out of all of her shit.

When all the other ho’s show up at the event Tamra brings her beardy son Ryan (who  is now a werewolf who rents-to-own couches) as her date, and we also find out that in OC NO ONE dresses up. WHAT?! I am confused here, don’t these bitches always run around wearing big hooker stilettos with their chi-chis hanging out and huge ass rapper-50 lb necklaces and shit like that? They are always dressed up. Well call me Billy and send me to the Beach in flip-flops(beach-billy) because to me it looks like they’re always dressed up ALWAYS.  Like HOOKERS working the corner but, they do dress up EVERYDAY so I don’t know why they’re saying they never do. OKAY THEN.

When all the ho’s arrive in their fancy dresses Baby Joker Face starts throwing her opinion around about how in the ghetto ass OC these bitches don’t know how to dress up fancy or how to behave at such foo foo la la events because someone already stuck their middle finger in the potato salad and blah, blah, blah.

 

While Baby Joker Face is standing there pointing out people’s un-fancy behavior her point is made when  banjos start playing  to announce that AlexAss is in the room, the bitch shows up wearing road kill, with a short skirt and is late because she couldn’t find her other braincell, the one that still kinda works.

Vicki forces her son Michael to go meet Crooked Brooks and of course Michael starts smelling bullshit right away.  Brooks gives Michael his selling pitch and tells him how he knows Michael is a great person and loves him blah, blah, blah. Then, the asshole has the nerve to bring up Briana’s elopement and is acting as if he is known Michael for many years, this pisses Michael off to no end and wants to punch this douche right in his mouth.  By this time the smell of bullshit was so strong Michael’s eyes are watery, he feels nauseous and needs to jump through the window, anything to get away from Brook’s creepy ass spewage. Michael finally makes an escape but the poor thing had a nasty taste in his mouth that lasted for days as if he ate a shit sandwich, after meeting that weirdo Brooks. POBRECITO!

Well Briana and her husband Mr. Briana J (Hi Nikki!) finally show up and before they meet Crooked Brooks, Vicki decides to do a big ass announcement that her daughter went off to Vegas to get hitched.  But, before Vicki gets to the point she is going on and on about Briana and the shenanigans she pulled,  so people thought some bad shit happened to her until Vicki says she got married and everyone was like OH THAT’S IT? BUT SHE IS FINE RIGHT? Gretchen wonders where Briana got the ‘brass balls’ to elope knowing who her monster, I mean mother is.

Surprisingly Michael learned of his sisters elopement adventures in Vegas from Facebook and thinks it was “shocking and disgusting” at least he knows who his mother is.

Later on Brooks turns up the creep factor and tells Vicki and Tamra how he admires, respects and looooves their sons who are pillars of society who will change the world whom he is only met like two minutes ago. Tamra wants to laugh and spit her wine in Brook’s face, I am surprise she held it together and didn’t spit on him, that was a miracle that took Tamra a lot of self restraint. Proud of her. What the fuck am I saying, NO I AM NOT! I rather see Tamra be Tamra the bitch hardly ever disappoints me with her no filter mouth. That’s why I love Tamra despite all the shit I talk about the crazy bitch, it is done with looove, I curl up my lips as I pronounce it loooove.

 

Finally the moment arrives for Brooks to go on full creep mode and meet Briana and Ryan. Briana wants to throw up the minute she hears the bullshit that’s coming out of this douche’s mouth and isn’t buying the cheap-swamp-lake creepy ass Hallmark asshole-sucking speech he is throwing at her. BRIANA DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT HIM BECAUSE SHE CAN’T! When Vicki insists that they get along Briana gives her a ‘fuck you’ attitude . Brooks can tell Briana can’t stand him and can see RIGHT THROUGH HIM and HE KNOWS IT.

Vicki keeps pushing that they all get along and says that her situation with Crooked Brooks is the same as Briana and Ryan. Briana flips out and says HELL NO IT’S NOT THE SAME! Vicki almost has a heart attack from her daughter’s latest telling that bitch like it is smack down disrespect and Brooks almost loses it. You can see it in Brook’s eyes that he is flaming pissed and his face says that he wants to get up be his true nasty self and yell some obscenities at Bri. But, suddenly he remembers where he is at and totally holds himself back because he has his eyes on the prize and doesn’t want to let Vicki’s kids mess that up.  We will see about that, since being on National TV is not going to help keep those skeletons in that closet of his, is only going to bring them out dancing.

 

Check out this video spoof from TVGasms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the continuation of Gretchen Rossi’s Pussycat Doll Performance, after she introduces the Pussycat Dolls she goes backstage and gets her sequin underwear on and gets ready for her bomb performance.

While Gretchen is backstage squeezing her ass into her puta outfit all these young hot performer bitches are shaking their Pussycats and polishing the strip poles shinny. Jimbo Bellino is in need of a super absorbent towel from all the drooling he is doing.  AlexAss however, wants to believe her husband is not enjoying that porn freak show because those women are ‘sinful’ and none of these bitches dress anywhere near what AlexAss wears on a daily basis, since Jimbo only enjoys conservative, covered up to the neck church dresses and not those cleavage-showing, low-cut hooker tops with the short pantiless skirts and fuck me clod-hoppers. OH NO! ALEXASS WOULD NEVER WEAR THAT! When has anyone seen  Saint AlexAss wear shit like that? So, of course his Hinney Reverent Jimballs would never enjoy such debauchery in his face! BITCH PLEASE! The sad thing is, how old is this trick like 35? 40? And she believes that her husband is NOT enjoying this PussyCat And Tittie In Yo’ Face Show. OH NO Jimbo is just there to be ‘supportive’ and I bet he like to support some of them titties in his two hands. Does this dumb ass AlexAss know the meaning of NAIVE? Or PENDEJA!

The other PENDEJA that’s wearing that wool over her eyes real tight is Vicki Gunvalson. Bitch thinks that because Brooks The Crooks is from the ‘South’ he has NEVER seen burlesque in your face raunchiness of this level. Doesn’t she know his ass spends all the allowance she gives him at the Moulin Rouge tittie bar? Brooks looks like the type of sloppy motherfucker that HANGS AROUND and is a REGULAR at various strip clubs and even has several bar tabs going on at some of these fine establishments. Shit, I bet the bitches at these Puterios know him by name. Is that where he spend his child support payment money? Well at least he is putting some of these strippers’ children through college.

Gretchen decides the best way to distract everyone from the fact that she cannot sing worth shit was to scream the words into the microphone while flashing her inner Pussycat. Eardrums were shattered and bleeding, dogs that lived all the way down the shore in Southern Cali heard this mess and thought the Apocalypse was here so they started barking all crazy and 75% of the Pussycat Theater patrons asked for their money back and sued the establishment for bleeding eardrums. It was a disaster!

After this disaster that left people maimed and deaf, Gretchen has an after party for her and all the ho’s who just got done clowning on her so-called performance. But, since these bitches always forget there are cameras filming their comments, they all put on their happy clown face and lie through their teeth to make Gretchen believe they thought her performance was fantastic and would make Celine Dion look like an amateur wannabe. I can’t keep a straight face typing that shit.

Vicki gives Gretchen a present, says she is sorry (damn must have been some good Southern blow she was snorting!) And then, she stands there waiting for that bitch Gretchen to apologize back to her like a busboy expecting a tip from a VIP guest. Gretchen just laughs at that bitch and gives her a half ass ‘sorry’ then looks at her like ‘what the fuck you want from me now bitch!.’ Ho’ bag Vicki is not satisfied with Gretchie’s lame apology.

Slimey was high out of his brain and thought Gretchen’s performance was superb. That Pussycat Catwoman that hooked up Gretchen with this gig was glad it was over and told the Fab Choreographer Gay Guy, that this was AWFUL and kept screaming NEVER AGAIN!

Gretchen is pissed off at AlexAss for not giving her a present like everyone else but, instead gave her a prayer that didn’t do the trick of making Gretchen sound like Beyonce. You can’t expect The Almighty to waste miracles like that on people like Gretchen the Wretchen.

Another fucktwat that showed up was that crazy bitch Sarah Winchester. Security at the nut house she lives at must have been asleep because this bitch got out. Sarah goes up to Vicki to apologize for her drunken harassing babblings when she followed Vicki around the bowling alley that one time and Vicki accepts the apology since she couldn’t get one from Gretchen. Beggars can’t be choosers!

In the morning everyone is hung over playing poker and Vicki is still complaining that Gretchen didn’t kiss her ass apologizing. Baby Joker Face and husband decide is time to fly back to OC because they‘ve had enough of Vicki’s complaining. Gretchen is in her room waking up with her Kim Zolciak wig and full on hooker-clown makeup because she doesn’t wash her face at night. You see, the type of makeup she sells is the type you don’t wash off you’re just supposed to apply more on, until it forms an encrusted mummified face mask  that stays on for decades and has to be surgically removed. That’s some good makeup. Slimey tells Gretchen that he’s never worked in his life and she should too!

When they all go back to the OC Vicki is taking Crooks on a tour of the house that ended her frienshit with Jeana Keough because she is the bitch that sold her the house. Crooks can’t hide his erection while touring the house because he knows he hit the jackpot with this lonely sugar mamma. Meanwhile Vicki is crying because, well I don’t remember why this bitch was crying but Crooks is happy counting the dollars in Crooks Vicki’s bank accounts.

AlexAss takes Gretchen’s advice and gets herself a coach to help her pretend she is a newscaster. The coach points out to this dumb trick her choice of outfit when interviewing people about children becoming sexualized was totally inappropriate because only an oblivious simpleton like AlexAss would wear the same hooker tits in your face outfit some gutter-whore would wear when she films a glory hole porn-flick at the  truck-stop  bathroom gas station, she also tells her she can’t speak for shit and needs to get Jimblows dick out of her mouth so she can enunciate her words and sound like a professional TV reporter.  Then, she tells her to get the fuck out of her face because she is hopeless.

Later on Gretchen, Slimey, Baby Joker Face and her husband Dr. Pervy Dubrow all go out for a double date to talk shit about what a phony, wannabe-rich AlexAss is. Slimey proudly announces he knows he is a Slime Balls Squid and is proud to be the world’s biggest King Douchebag. Aren’t they all just a bunch of cute fuckers!

Aaand finally Vicki gets the biggest Pussycat bomb dropped on her droopy head when her daughter Briana and Briana’s new man take Vicki out for drinks and to tell her that they did a quickie Vegas drive-through eloping wedding. Vicki’s look on her face was priceless I mean the bitch looked like she was about to have a seizure from the anger that she was not allowed to meddle and control this girls wedding. But, don’t worry Vicki got her wish in the end since Briana and her new husband just recently had a big ass wedding  for Vicki and had Vicki planning and stressing and obsessing over it and now she is happy again.

 

 

 

I don’t understand why Vicki said she is so upset and crying every night over Briana’s recent nuptials she should be happy her daughter is alive and well  and is still capable of pissing her off, Vicki cries as if Briana died or some shit and it’s not like Briana married Slade Slimey either. So get over it bitch!

 

 

 

 

 

 

On last night’s episode AlexAss invites Gretchen over to watch her Fox 5 news segment.  The same one where this ho’ supposedly interviewed some people that she couldn’t even pronounce their names, about how children get sexualized real early nowadays while her porn size tits where hanging out in these people’s faces and she completely bulldozed over the segment making it all about her fucked up opinions that nobody gives a shit about by talking real loud a mile a minute and didn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.

AlexAss thinking she is the hot news caster she believes in her pea brain she is, asks Gretchen what she thinks of her segment, and that bitch just starts busting up laughing at this trick and tells her she needs a coach and that Fox 5 news, first asked Gretchen to do the segment and has been harassing Gretchen ever since.  Even while AlexAss was over there doing the hosting they were calling Gretchen on the phone begging her to replace AlexAss who is terrible and is only embarrassing herself stuttering her words with her chichis hanging out. AlexAss is about to bust a nut on her new nose and gets all butt hurt at Gretchen clowning on her and telling her how she was Fox 5′s second choice.

Baby Joker Face has to remind us that she is an ‘actress’ and will be auditioning for some bullshit they’re filming in Canada or some shit. Her husband Dr. Pervy  Dubrow starts asking her how this will affect her housewife/mom life and before Baby Joker Face tears his eyes out he backs off and says he is supportive and will get her nannies and servants to follow her to Canada if she chooses to go forward with this acting project, realistic and fair. I like that, and I like that Baby Joker Face doesn’t put up with crap even if he is the one bringing in the cheese she still holds his nuts in her designer purse. I like that!

Now get ready for the complete opposite at the Bellino rented faux-mansion. Where a teary AlexAss tries to buy her way with Jimbo by bringing him fresh lemonade but, that shit doesn’t work with him when she asks Jimbo if she can get a life coach to help with her sucky news casting ( I guess she knows she sucks and took Gretchie’s advice) and Jimbo just shuts her down and tells that bitch NO! Jimbo wants AlexAss to stay at home barefoot and pregnant and doesn’t want to hear any lip back from her. AlexAss wants a career because she is tired of getting evicted and having her cars repoed by Apollo Nida. But, Jimbo shuts her down and tells her to get back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich. I think this ho’ needs to take lessons from the Baby Joker Face’s,  Modern Spoiled Housewife School of How to Make your Husband Bring Home the bacon and Boss him Around Too.

Now it’s Gretchie’s turn to get laughed at when she arrives at the Pussycat Doll Theater for rehersal, and some gay guy and his gang of professional dancing bitches are laughing at Gretchen’s pathetic attempt at singing. Gretchen insists and keeps complaining that the reason her voice is shitty is because of the yelling match with Vicki four weeks ago. Fab Gay Guy isn’t having it, and straight up tell this delusional ho’ she sucks ass because she doesn’t sound like a Pussycat Doll but more like a dying mangy one-eyed cat and wonders what the fuck she is doing at the Pussycat Doll Theater and why she bothered showing up embarrassing herself and shit. LOVED IT!

The other ho’s pile up in a limo and all of them clown on AlexAssHole’s pretentious ass and her bullshit stories about how she owns a fleet of cars and they keep getting repoed every 21 days or some shit. Meanwhile,  AlexAss’s ears are ringing while she is having some makeup artist cover up the black eyes she is sporting and makes her look like this here:

I don’t really see the difference from her usual clown face.

Next week Gretchen flops big time while all the other House Skanks witness it and point and laugh!

 

Late recrap and more coming up after this.

We start this episode at Casa De Vicki where an anxious Gretchen and her friend Sarah look on to see what bitch is getting a drink thrown on her.

Peggy shows up and the sinister music like some shit is about to go down plays while a pissed off AlexAss gives Peggy the evil looks of death because she is still mad dog angry that Peggy wrapped her lizard lips on Jimball’s and bumped fuglies  with  him that one time like 75 years ago. Jimbo has done a good job brainwashing AlexAss into believing she is in love with him. Sitting on her face farting after sex must work like a love potion.

During her talking head thingy, AlexAss says that she is mad at that bitch Peggy for not letting her know that she fucked on her fuglio husband JimBalls (who by the way didn’t tell dumb bitch in the first place) and explains how her and Jimbo had already worked through the hurt of him not telling her (yeah, I bet they worked through it and the whole neighborhood heard it too when he told her it’s none of her business and locked her out of the house until she apologized for questioning him.) And even IF Peg’s would of told Alexis about her relationshit with Jimbo that bitch would of gotten mad anyways because she is always going to blame the woman and not her huuusband who has her under his fat thumb. Peggy is stuck in the middle of this bullshit because apparently the bitch asked Jimbo to tell his dumb ass wife him and Pegs used to bang, but his ugly abusive loud- mouth, male-chauvinistic, woman-hating, hairy monkey-ass started yelling at Peg’s and threaten her to shut the fuck up and mind her own beeswax. You know what? I believe that bitch too!

When the two skanks see each other they exchange catty pleasantries. AlexAss brings up Peggy’s daughter London who broke her arm and since AlexAss has to be the godly churchie person she is trying to convince us that she is, she tells Pegs that she is praying for London. Then, she brings up how she got her leg fucked up more than London’s arm and Peggy believes AlexAss is doing this to compete with little London. She may be right, we’ll see how she acts when Peggy’s daughters and Alexi’s daughters are teenagers and Alexi’s breaks her honest mirror for telling her those girls are hotter than her.Peggy brings up some bullshit about how her and Alexis don’t know things about each other and Alexis makes this bitch face here:

The best part of this bitch fiasco was when Baby Joker Face gets introduced to these ho’s.

This is what money looks like you poser bitch! This Baby Joker Face is expensive.

This is AlexAss’ jealousy face:

I love it!

Then, Baby Joker Face tells that bitch “you live by me, you used to,” before they kicked your ass out and you couldn’t afford it. Now AlexAss and her pretend to have money has to live in low rent Dana Point and is no longer on Millionaires Row by Baby Joker Face.

Then they start competing about how many accessories kids they have.

After that, all these bitches start grilling Vicki if she stills fucks and or abuses on Donn:

I only screw and or physically abuse on him when Brooks is not around.

And that is the Icky Vicki way.

Then these ho’s bond by “putting something nasty” in their mouths:

Why is Tamra tripping on eating oysters? Didn’t she eat those things with no problem on a previous season?

Meanwhile Vicki can’t understand why these two ho’s are now friends and specially why is Tamra not acting as jealous of Gretchen.

All of the sudden this bitch starts babbling about how she got proposed on:

LOOK AT ME!! BRAVO CAMERA!! I GOT PROPOSED ON IN THE BAHAMAS!!!

Sarah Winchester, heiress to the Winchester fortune. MY ASS!

 

HAAAAAA!!! WHAT THE?

Bravo only brought her in to rile up the other ho’s for a minute. And only a minute because in later episode we forget all about this fake ass bitch.

See what I mean? And it looks like Bravo’s evil plan to bring in Miss Faux Sarah Winchester is working because Baby Joker Face gets jealous over Faux Sarah Winchester’s unfucked with face while dumb as turds AlexAss’s gets jealous of Baby Joker Face’s house, rich husband and real money, not to mention Baby Joker Face’s unlimited access to all the Botox, embalming fluid, rat poison, plastic surgery face transplants, she could ever dream of. (I’m hoping this bitches money it’s real money so she can make Bible Barbie jealous. MUA HA  HA!!)

You ain’t shit until you get a 40 carat ring you dumb bitch!

Then, big mouth Tamra asks Baby Joker Face HOW DID YOUR PORN ADDICT  HUSBAND PROPOSED TO YOU?

And this bitch starts telling them how her and future hubby where on a plane going to Paris… blah, blah. Tamra sarcastically yells “THAT SUCKS!” Because she knows all the other bitches are jealous too.

And here is AlexAss jealousy face:

Do you see this bitch she is so fucking  jealous it hurts her to the point to were she has to suck on her ducklips all pissy like she is eating shit. I LOVE IT!

Baby Joker Face also gets paid in big ass fat rings that weight more than AlexAss’s big head, for farting out babies:

Baby Joker Face also brags about how marrying a plastic surgeon is an investment in her old lady future and she is going to say this for the rest of the seasons she last on this series until Bravo eventually gives her the boot to the ass. The good thing is all the bitches hate her for being the only rich one. That we know of! I love it!

That’s why I married a plastic surgeon. It was like a little investment in my future.

Vicki then, calls all the bitches “bitches” and orders them to plop their bony asses down to eat:

Right after she tells those bitches “NO FIGHTING!” She starts being snippy at TamRat for sitting by Gretchen after Tamra asks Vicki why she is sitting far from her. It was stupid.

Tamra says she will keep her love fling with Gretchen a secret from Vicki. She is afraid of her and doesn’t “want to piss the woman off.”

Vicki then, starts babbling about her the new man in her life that’s filling up her “love tank.”

Donn’s clone.

Supposedly Donn’s Clone is a Southern Gentleman that doesn’t pay his child support Ala Slade Slimey.

Vicki announces they are all having “Cajun Food” And smart ass no mouth filter Tamra yells.

THERE’S FRITOS HERE!

And Tamra should know she has Mexican food every night!

THERE’S NO FRITOS THERE! ANYWAY!

Vicki explains how the Cajun meal  Gumbo works…It’s  chicken and sausage…AND FRITOS!

Gretchen pretends to talk like a grown up and explains how the tortilla chips are “the crunchy part of the meal.”

This is what Tamra was thinking after Gretchen said that shit:

YOU’RE A STUPID ASSHOLE! AND YOU’RE DUMB TOO!! AND I STILL HATE YOU! AND I WANT TO FLY ACROSS THE TABLE AND STAB YOU WITH THIS FORK!

And then this bitch:

“She is very cute!”

Which in Bitch-World language translates into:

SHE IS A DUMB BITCH ISN’T SHE?

Then the  claws come out of Baby Joker Faces paws and the real reason she called Gretchen a dumb ass:

“We’ll see after you have children if you’re eating carbs Gretchen!”

Baby Joker Face jealous that Gretchen Va Jay Jay hasn’t been used as a clown car at the circus yet. Well, Gretchen wants lots of children and it’s not like she is a spring chicken!

Baby Joker Face’s evil ways get Gretchen all uncomfortable and worked up, she can’t even eat right.

Love it!

Baby Joker Face sits there with her Joker Face transplant and straight up lies to everyone and says she has never gotten plastic surgery or a face pulled:

Then, she decides to grind and annoy on these bitches more and starts bragging she is “an actress!”

And Baby Joker’s babblings grind on this bitche’s nerves because now she knows how we feel when we hear her poser-ass brag that she is rich:

ANGELINA JOLIE IS AN ACTRESS THIS BITCH IS FULL OF SHIT JUST LIKE WHEN I BRAG I’M MARRIED TO A RICH SMART CHARMING MAN I’M FULL OF SHIT!

Vicki makes all the bitches pull out a bib:

While Gretchen is babbling some nonsensical idiotic shit, Tamra yells:

“YOU HAD YOUR LIPS DONE!”

Gretchen gets all defensive and attitudy like a bitch that just got caught lying.

SHUT UUUPP NO I DID NOOOT!! SHUT UP TAMRA EVERYONE’S GONNA KNOW!

Then this bitch jumps in, since it involves monkey punching on baboon lips Gretchen and Baby Joker Face can’t stand that skank. That’s why she keeps saying:

“She is so cute!” Translates into: SUCH A DUMB BITCH. THINKS WE’RE BUYING WHAT SHE IS SELLING!

Gretchen gets pissed off because she almost got busted by TamRat and tries to insult Tamra, but it only makes Gretchen hurt her brain and get confused:

YOU CAN TAKE THE TRAILER OUT OF THE TRASH … WAIT WHAT? HOW DOES THAT SAYING GO? YOU CAN TAKE THE TRASH OUT OF THE TRAILER BUT NOT THE STUPID OUT OF MY DUMB ASS?

SHE IS SO CUTE ISN’T SHE?

When they bring the Cajun food out served inside plastic bags with all the shrimp and crawfish all the bitches freaked out.

Their crazy smart ass remarks just got worse. Stupid AlexAss  was about to hurl on the table.

OH MY LORD!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I THINK ONE OF THEM CRAWLED IN MY PURSE!

WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THOSE TRASH-BAGS? FISH GUTS AND DOOH DOOH?!

YAAAAKKK!!! EEEEWWWWW!!!! YAAAAKKK EEEEWWWW!!!

Vicki was mortified that all these ho’s were being so vocal and made this face while chowing down on her food.

IF I WAS AT A DINNER PARTY I WOULD NEVER INSULT THE HOST!

Somehow I don’t believe this bitch!

AlexAss straight up refused to eat any of those fish heads in a trash bag special. The only one that seemed kinda okay with it was Peggy because she sat there chowing down and making fun of AlexAss dumb reasons for not wanting to eat.

BITCH IS SCARE SHE’LL RUIN HER NAILS, GET FAT AND PISS OFF HER KING IF SHE TAKES A BITE!

Gretchen gets all exicted when she thinks the crawfish have weiners and decides she will be sucking on these after all.

HAAAA!!!! IT HAS A WEINER I WANNA SUCK ON IT!

When the waiter points out the crawfish have no weiner, Gretchen becomes disappointed once again and puts the seafood down.

Vicki decides she had enough and yells.

OKAY EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT! TIME FOR DESSERT!

I’M ALWAYS UP FOR DESSERT! CAN’T WAIT TO PUT KETCHUP ON IT!

After AlexAss gets all happy that she gets to ruin another dessert Peggy threatens her.

BITCH I WILL DRAG YOU BY THE DUCK LIPS IN THE BACK OF A PICKUP TRUCK IF YOU RUIN MY DESSERT THE WAY YOU RUINED MY DESSERT IN SAN ANTONIO!! BITCH YOU’RE SO DUMB YOU CANNOT EVEN FORM A SENTENCE!!

Right after Vicki tells them to go eat dessert they all get up and while they walk to the dessert room Alexis tells Vicki that she is leaving and hugs her goodbye. Everyone is about to sit for dessert, but before everyone sat for dessert Vicki yells at everyone to:

GET THE FUCK OUT EVERYONE IS TIME TO GO HOME!!

After Vicki kicks everyone out and all the bitches leave, Peggy refuses to leave and cries because she wants to start drama and fight with Alexis for accusing her of stalking Jimblob plus breaking in his house. Jimblob only texted that to AlexAss during the last reunion to make the two bitches fight over him since it gets his sick fat ass off.

Peggy tries to go out and start shit with AlexAss in the limo but that bitch pushes her out and tells the driver to go! Peggy starts running behind the limo all trying to jump in front and continue the confrontational drama. But, AlexAss gets away in the end.

When Peggy comes back in the house she tells all the other bitches the obvious about Jimblob and how he is a rude disgusting pig who is rude to waiters and was investigated by the FBI for being a conman. Peggy also says she didn’t tell AlexAss her and Jimbo used to bone because number one Peggy was too embarrassed to admit it, and two she got threaten by Jimbo and since he is a scary shady asshole she decided to shut the fuck up.

Even Vicki says she thinks Jimbo is a shady un-Christian weirdo. But, five minutes later she calls Peggy an asshole and defends Jimbo. He must of bought insurance for this bitch.

Tamra then, agrees that AlexAss is in a tight spot with the Peggy/Jimbo love-triangle and she wouldn’t like it if Eddie for example was banging on Vicki. Which the exact reason why she later freaks out on Eddie and Vicki bonding.

Next we visit Baby Joker Face in her Villainies Secret Hideout:

Now that’s a kick ass hideout. I bet AlexAss wishes she owned one of those.

Inside is Baby Joker Face or you can call her by her nickname Heather Dubrow. Which sounds more proper. Mrs. Dubrow reminds us that not only is she from New York. But, she is also a failed actress who is Jewish.

I do sometimes feel like the only Jewish brunette in a sea of shiksa blondes in this county.

DON’T FUCK WITH A YENTA YOU SHIKSA BLONDE!

I always wanted Bravo to stick one of the Real House Skanks Of New York in Orange County.

And this bitch even flew her house from New York, transported it, and planted it in Orange County!

 

None of the OC HouseSkanks ever had a house this bad ass!

However, Baby Joker Face and her husband feel that this house is not big enough because they had a surprise Baby and there is just not enough bedrooms in that 33 bedrooom mansion with movie theater and elevator. Or maybe needing a new house because your mansion is not big enough is the new name for shortsale?

 

The segment of House Ho’s Cribs continues but, now we go to the projects. Where Tamra lives in a house about the size of one of Baby Joker Face’s closets.

Here is Baby Joker Face’s closet. See!

Tamra is on the phone with Eddie getting ready for Catalina for a double date weekend with Vicki and Donn’s Southern Clone Brooks.

Then she says something so stupid that is also false advertising:

It’s always a good time when the four of us get together, and there’s never been any drama!

At Vicki’s she is also calling her man on the phone to tell him what to pack.

Bitch, you better bring the cute shirt I got you, for tomorrow night for dinner and date night and dress shoes and jeans don’t shit your jeans and you can wear them twice. However, if you do shit your jeans you can turn them inside out. OK!

Right after she orders her man around Vicki says Brooks doesn’t let her tell him what to do. Yeah, I believe that one.

Then, Vicki just keeps going and continues to boss Brooks around. And he happily agrees to pack all that shit.

Back at the projects where Gretchen and Slimey squat, they are comfortably eating dinner and drinking while talking shit about Vicki’s party and about how Gretchen is disappointed Peggy and AlexAss didn’t rip each other’s faces. She also blames both Jimbo and Peg’s for not telling AlexAss about the Jimblob/Peggy hookup from 97 years ago.

Gretchen uses this opportunity to bring up someone from Slade Slimey’s past from 45 years ago and so she goes on obsessing rampage about none other but,  Jo De La Rosa.

 

Back in the day when Slade Slimey used to be a Big Poppa (or pretend to until her spend all his money fronting that shit) he used to support this young Red Hot Chili Pepper bitch named Jo De LaRosa who took all his money until Slimey went broke and she moved on to other Big Poppas.

After Gretchen has that jealousy attack, she moves on to talk about wannabe actress Baby Joker Face. Gretchen doesn’t understand how this bitch acts like a bitch while being polite and calling Gretchen “Cute.” It’s because Heather has mastered the art of being a major bitch right after that, Slimey calls Baby Joker Face an old bitch and Gretchen agrees.

I HAVE TO PULL A STICK OUT OF THAT BITCHE’S ASS!!

 

Next, we have a little segment of AlexAss getting her makeup did, while Jim Jr ponders what profession to follow.

Chiropractor?

 

 

Or makeup artist?

At least I can see he will turn out better than his parents.

Jim Jr is also a straight shooter and tells his momma she looks like a clown whore with all that makeup on.

 

Tamra, Vicki and Brooks pile up in a limousine and head to Catalina Island for the weekend. And of course they’re all getting hammered already.

AND YOU LITTLE LADY, I WILL PUT MY HAND ON YOUR BOOB LATER!

 

And since Brooks is still in the stages of wooing Vicki he constantly praises her and gives her little love cards to remain her that he thinks she’s is the face of hotness. For now. I can’t keep a straight face typing that!

MY DEAREST VICKI, UNTIL THE MONEY TRAIN DRAINS I WILL CONTINUE TO FILL YOUR LOVE TANK.

LOVE, BROOKS

 

 BITCH YOUR LOVE THANK IS WET NOW! AND DON’T TELL ME BROOKS WEARS CROCKS I’M CHOCKING!

After Tamra recovers from her mini-heart attack after finding out Brooks wears Crocks, she has to pick up a male hooker to assist in the recovery procedure:

After Eddie gets picked up we find out that him and Tamra are no longer in the ‘honeymoon stage.’

HE FARTS NOW!

I ALSO PICK HIS NOSE HAIRS IN PUBLIC!

 

Next we get to see Gretchen without her makeup on:

WOW! I believe her makeup line must be top notch because it sure makes a hell of a difference!

Gretchen is getting ready for a nudy shoot for Cancer.

I AM VERY NERVOUS ABOUT LOOKING GOOD WHILE NAKID! I NEVER BEEN PICTURED NAKID BEFORE. EXCEPT WELL, MAYBE DURING MY COLLEGE YEARS BUT ONLY AS A POOPING MODEL FOR TOILET PICTURES!

I ALSO NEVER TEST MY PRODUCTS ON ANIMALS. THAT’S WHY I HAVE MY BITCH SLAVE SLIMEY WHO HAPPILY ALLOWS ME TO TEST MY MAKEUP ON HIS FACE NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE BOILS BURN. HE ALSO GETS TO USE A PINK LAPTOP! COCK IN THE SOCK BABY! COCK IN THE SOCK!

After they make Gretchen up she posses nakid and blah, blah, blah, blah. The rest is kinda boring so let’s move right along.

Oh yeah and then this shit happens!

Vicki who doesn’t do PDA and wants to be ‘Celibate’ with Brooks. Whom she is obviously banging and according to Tamra, but Vicki is more than happy to display PDA on Eddie. Also according to Tamra, because the bitch blows a fuse when she believes Eddie and Vicki are about to fuck. Right there in front of everybody and their grandma.

 

So what can solve this horrendous display of PDA? Well, grab the other bitche’s man by the hand and put his hand on your boob!

Yeah, this is after Tamra said that they don’t ever have drama when they go out with Vicki and Brooks.

Oh yeah and this all happened right after the Tequila chicken squawking challenge took place right after everyone got there.

 

After the boobie grab blowout everyone agreed that Tamra looked like an asshole and she felt like an asshole too but covers it up by repeating the phrase:

EDDIE DON’T DRINK ANYMORE!

I felt embarrassed for that bitch!

 

AlexAss Bellino’s 7 inch nipples must of gotten winded up again to the tune of preachy diarrhea spewage of the mouth, causing her to have visions from heaven, about being the chosen Saint AlexAss of Whoredom; because the bitch has established a new religion based on looking like a two dollar pole polisher who sucked the last needle of Botox at Dr. Pervy Dubrow’s warehouse. Since thanks to Saint AlexAss, and according to the mumbly voices in her head she has brought a lot of lost girls who didn’t know they can dress like Bunny Ranch hookers while attending church services back to worshiping. Except this time they worship the Saint Patron Pimp Daddy of Plastic Surgery.

She recently told the Huffington Post:

“I don’t walk around with my Bible, but I am religious,” Alexis tells me. “I believe in Jesus Christ and that he is our savior and I am vocal about it. Sometimes I look back and think, ‘Would I have been so vocal about it if I had known about the backlash I would have gotten?’ I take in the critics and if it gets bad, I just think about a scripture … I have brought so many girls back to the Lord because they didn’t realize you could go to church and dress like this.”

 

AlexAss also revealed that the other Orange County House Skanks have gotten all kinds of whale fat injections and all sorts of face ironing procedures to keep their mugs as scary as possible and she specially shits on Vicki about it:

“Vicky [Gunvalson's] been on [the show] for seven years,” Alexis tells me on my HDNet talk show, “Naughty But Nice.” “If you go back and watch the first season, she looks nothing like it and acts different. We all have had work done! Are you kidding me? Anyone who says differently is lying.”

I guess she is not exactly friends with Vicki. But, at least thanks to AlexAss, now I know that I can just roll into church with the same street walker costume, complete with the seven inch heeled open-toe, fuck-me-shoes I wore to the club the previous night where I took a bath in a tub of Grey Goose and beer farts and smoked a joint in the church parking lot right before Sunday Services and nobody is going to notice because I bet nobody notices when Saint AlexAss walks into church just like she just left a porno shoot and I bet NOBODY at her church has EVER called her a whore to her face while they sneeze in their hand and laugh at her idiotic ramblings.

I didn’t have a chance to read the blog that AlexAss Bellino’s husband Reverent Jimbo Taliban Bellino wrote, where he is supposedly defending his ‘character’ (really? he has character?) against all the bloggers who clowned on him for shit that was already out there about him and his shady shenanigans.  I’m usually at work all the time so I don’t get that much time to blog about these ho’s so, equally I didn’t have a chance to read this douche’s rant. One of my  blogger friends Stoopidhousewives (and our blogs are friends too, she is funny as hell check her blog out) send me a link about what this doofus was saying. He posted on his rant a screenshot of the blog from Stoopidhousewives  who also has a link to one of the blogs I did on the Bellinos when the kids fell in the pool.

Apparently Jimbo is fuming pissed at Stoopidhousewives for blogging about him on a post titled:

“ALEXIS BELLINO: JIMBO IS GOIN’ ROGUE!!… JIMBO WRITING HIS OWN TAKE ON THE RHOOC!”

This is from Jimblob’s blog:

False Report #1 | The above screenshot is a comment made on a webpage entitled, “ALEXIS BELLINO: JIMBO IS GOIN’ ROGUE!!… JIMBO WRITING HIS OWN TAKE ON THE RHOOC!” This comment links to a page filled with utterly false and inaccurate claims. The fact that they suggest that everything here is true is an insult to my intelligence and character. After seeing my documentation below, it ought to be an insult to your intelligence as well.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but no one is entitled to reinvent the truth. It just goes to show you that the media and anyone who has access to the internet has a blank checkbook to destroy your integrity—don’t think it can’t happen to you. Lets see if these same websites choose to disclose these factual documents and/or delete their false reports. I respectfully request all of these websites, after reviewing these facts, to delete their false reports.

Jimbo also gets all pissed that Stoopidhousewives made a comment about his name sounding more Italian than Armenian. I wondered that myself before? Jimbo then goes on to post a birth certificate he says it’s his, where his name appears as James Carlos Bellino.

Check this shit out:

False Report #2 | Accusations of name change: A story that I changed my last name to “sound Italian” or hide my past began circulating during 2010. Here’s the fiction from a website written by a “SUPER FAN” of all the franchises who appears to have a great deal of time on their hands:

Okay so lets say that is his authentic birth certificate and he is Armenian with a Italian sounding name. IT STILL DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY HIS NAME IS ITALIAN!. He doesn’t explain it, he just says that’s the name I was born with. Sooo??? What’s the deal with the name? Why is his name Italian? He doesn’t explain it. See the problem with that? Which is the reason Stoopidhousewives made that comment about him changing his name to sound more Italian.

Jimbo and his chimplant.

Ever since Jimbo’s ass got all pissed and can’t handle all the shit that’s out there about him  he went into hiding and quit the show. Now he is bitching because he couldn’t handle the exposure of his shenanigans that comes with fame. All because he wanted to pimp his wife out on a low brow TV show that they thought was going to make AlexAss come out smelling like roses, but instead she and her husband as well came out smelling like doo doo. I wonder if the real reason he is blowing a gasket over this unwanted exposure of the skeletons that dance in his closet, is because now that everyone knows about his shenanigans he can no longer con anybody  so him and AlexAss have to live the fronting high-life on the Housewives paycheck. That’s what it looks like.

New House Fly Heather Dubrow appears to have been brought in by Bravo so that she can shit on Alexis Bellino’s Cheerios and that shit is working already because the bitch already called AlexAss “the biggest phony” in Orange County and she can see through this bitches bullshit. HA HA HA HA!!!

I love it when these Devil Producers bring in other bitches with more money (or at least appear to be for now) and who are waaaay more annoying to piss off the bitches that are annoying me, like that Duck Lips dumb shit. I can’t wait to see AlexAss Face when she sees this bitches mega ocean view super expensive mansion. Not only that, but also this Heather bitch (whom I like to lovingly call her Baby Joker Face because it looks like the same plastic butcher gave her the same mug as Joker Face Sr aka Danielle Staub) apparently comes from East Coast money and supposedly it’s lots of money! HA HA HA HA!!!! I’m wiping tears from eyes because this whole bitchfest is so funny now that they brought real money in.

Doesn’t she look like a less scary  version of Joker Face? Did her husband Terry Dubrow use the same Halloween pattern when he sowed Joker Face Sr’s mask onto her skull and fifteen years later used that same pattern on Baby Joker Face? HUMMM??? The unsolved mysteries that we will never know.

This is the shit that Baby Joker Face told The Hollywood Reporter:

“I think that what’s interesting about me coming into this group is that I feel like I’m a little bit of the audience, sort of the Greek chorus,”

“I didn’t have any preconceived notions, I have no idea what the history is. So I’m learning it as I go, and seeing it all and, I don’t know, maybe giving the audience a fresh perspective on things and maybe the girls too.”

Baby Joker Face also comforted Lizard Lips Peggy Tanous because of the whole Alexis Bellino and her fugly fat husband Jimbo love triangle from 100 years ago ordeal:

“I met Peggy for the first time that night,” Heather says. “And we spoke for maybe a few minutes in the limousine on the way to the party, and then when we left, I think I had my arm around her. I felt bad for her, she was crying, she was in Vicki [Gunvalson's] house. I was obviously very uncomfortable. I didn’t know what was going on. I did not know the back-story between her and Alexis, so I was getting pieces of information. I just felt bad that she was so upset.”

She also believes Peggy should of just let that shit go, but admits she would of flipped out if her man used to fuck on one of her friends:

“That just seems like something you discuss and you move on,”

“I can’t imagine that I would ever be able to stay friends with someone who had had this intimate relationship with my husband,” she continues. “Whether they told me or not, I just think it would freak me out.”

I hope she puts Duck Lips in her place more times than one. I noticed how jealous AlexAss seemed when Heather was around her because she knows that this bitch has some real money and her husband (who although got all pissed off and posted a butt-hurt comment here saying that he wasn’t a porn addict when I was making fun of him, that’s okay he’ll get used to it) doesn’t appear to berate her and talk down to her like she is a dumb-ass like Jimbo does to AlexAss,  aaand the husband has more money than Reverent Jimblob (even though her husband got sued for fucking up bitches faces during plastic surgery face transplant procedures.) None of that shit matters to me though, as long as she is questioning AlexAss “authenticity” and keeps calling AlexAss a not “very cerebral” dumb shit.

This bitch however, says that she never ever watched this show which I call bullshit on that. Unless she was so desperate to be on TV that she took whatever fame-bone was thrown at her.

Chauvinistic pig Jimbo Bellino may try to act sanctimonious on TV (he can’t pull it off) and tries to sell us the facade that he only looks at his wife’s chest. But, just recently one of my regular readers ran into the Bellino’s while at Disneyland and Alexis was trailing behind Jimbo smelling his raunch-farts and it looked like she was blowing her nose (crying?) Alexis looked bored and sad and Jimblob was staring at my reader up and down like a piece of meat!

Here is what my reader posted:

Ok…so. U will never guess who we just walked by..Alexis Bellino from RHOOC..

I saw them at Disneyland, the day before Mothers Day..Jimbo was walking with the kids, and they look a lot more grown up than they do in the show…he was staring right at me giving me the “I’ll Do you if my wife wasn’t here look” She was trailing right behind him, digging in her nose with a tissue????..wasn’t sure if was crying, or had Allergies, or what???..He is SKINNY (not the dough boy on TV)..and she was in these huge Platform shoes, and white cropped jeans, and her legs are long and TINY..she is a very little Lady. She looked sad, and bored. He looked like he needed to be “noticed” more than he needed to be there with his Family.
My Husband who was not too far away and He and my oldest daughter were like OMG..that’s Alexis from RHOOC..they were laughing and saying, I should just walk by and say “Hi Jim, Hi Alexis” and keep on walking, as if they were no one different than my neighbors……I didn’t though..but it would have been funny…I think they go to places like that, to get their EGOS boosted, by people “recognizing” them…
Then on her twitter, she was talking about her dresses or something..not about how she spent the day with her Kids and Hubby at Disneyland, making a fun Family Memory…WOW these people.

anyway..she is VERY small, not even 100lbs, for sure..she is a pretty woman, but not happy looking, and Jim, is scouting his next MRS…oh and her “ring” looked FAKE..like a Spinel or a good CZ…I have a pretty big one, and it’s not even “top notch” and it looks better.. and you can tell the difference from a mile away…hahahah

The funniest part is that this fucktard doesn’t even realize that my reader comes on here all the time making fun of his smelly ass.