Because Teresa called Melissa a gold-digging tramp, that would leave her current husband, Tree’s brother, for a wealthier sugar daddy when she shakes her ass for quarters at the clubs while screaming into the microphone. Melissa confronts Tree and demands an apology that never comes from Teresa because now she is pissed that Melissa called Barney Devito’s brief stay at Club Med  ( I don’t want to say jail and offend anybody here, big ole’ eye roll) ‘JAIL’ and so these bitches manage to turn the Summer Solstice Gathering  into The Summer Solstice Gathering That Went Horribly Wrong. Only the RHONJ wild beast in 7 inch heels can ruin a purity party with fucking fairies and third eyes.

So this is how shit went down, Jacqueline shows up at Teresa’s shore shack to help her put makeup on and get ready for a boat trip. While Jacqueline is making up Tree to look like Crusty The Clown’s tranny twin, she is asking her questions about why her ass keeps going to the rag-mags and spills out all her business but, then expects her friends and family to shut the fuck up when they’re gossiping about her. When instead Teresa should of gone and spill her beans to her friends and family in the first place so, this way they can rag-mag on her ass with no pay.

Teresa explains to Jax how her comment to Psycho Midge Joey was only done with love, and to warn him that his bitch wife may leave him for a fatter bank account. Why with all of Mel’s appearances at clubs and whatnot some bigger king pin may snag that ho’ when Joey is not looking.

Soon after that, the Gorgas and Wikipedia’s show up at Teresa’s shore shack, who brought along Rosie and Kathy’s mom to watch the kids while the bitches and their husbands board a boat to get drunk and fight.

While Kathy’s mom Rosie and the teenage Wikipedia kids are watching the small children everyone is off on the boat ride. However, this time the fun is happening at the shore shack outside on the sidewalk, where the little wild Gorga/Giudice miniature beasts are running amuck on the streets and a car damn-near runs over little Audriana who Rosie has to grab in a mad dog rush and while she is grabbing Audriana, little Joey Gorga Jr  (I think it was little Joey Gorga Jr, I’m writing this from memory here) is trying to ride his bike over a moving car and all the other little monkeys are going apeshit . That’s what happens when you have a mixture of Gorga/Giudice ADD-DNA mixed with a bag of sugar per kid, it’s a deadly combination. Rosie who was suckered into watching these out-of-control mini versions of their parents (that’s scary) was thinking in her head THIS IS WHY I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN!  Noo shit! This is why I only did that shit ONCE! After that mini hurricane of crazy, poor Rosie needed a scotch a SERIOUS SCOTCH!! This is what she gets for agreeing to watch those wild beasties. But, at least there was enough wine and liquor in that house to keep her drunk for a couple of months.

 

 

On the boat ride everyone is uncomfortable and Jacqueline who likes to pretend ‘everything is fine!’ starts talking shit about how the godmother Caroline Manzo is going through menopause and this is the reason she is a bitch. I believe it! I also think Caroline was born with menopause since she is been a bitch since she was a baby. Just look at her offspring Caroline Jr, she is been going through menopause since before the show started! Is in the Manzo genes.

The awkwardness gets more awkward when, Teresa and Richie get into an argument over who deserved to get punched in the face more, Richie or Barney Devito. Midget Psycho Joey thinks Tree was brainfucked by Barney Devito the way he got brainfucked by Melissa. Then, they all force themselves to smile for a family picture.

At the Manzo compound Lauren continues to whine about how fat she is. Her momma Caroline says YES YOU ARE! And then proceeds to remind Lauren not to hate her brothers because they’re beautiful golden thin children but, it’s not their fault. Since this wasn’t enough humiliation, while Lauren and Vito are cooking dinner all the other Manzo fuckers start gang-punking on how fat Lauren and Vito are, and how lard-assy and huge their future children will be and the only advantage those children will have is they will be able to beat up on Albie and Christopher’s future thin gifted attractive children. Lauren is all sad and acknowledges that Vito only likes Shore Whores with tight butts and surfboard abs. To rub salt in that wound, like any good brother would, Albie pulls out a photo of his current girlfriend (you mean Gregg?) and tells Lauren that’s the kind of skank Vito likes. While Albie was clowning on Lauren’s fatness the godmother Caroline just laughed it off like her sons are so cute for doing that and Lauren was about to cry. Later on, when the cameras left Lauren ate a 20 lb. tub of ice cream while washing it down with her tears.

And finally all the bitches go to Jacqueline’s Summer Solstice party hosted by her psychic Tia. Psychic? I call bullshit on that, for one she hasn’t won the lottery yet, for two she couldn’t predict that inviting the embarrassing RHONJ ho’s was going to only RUIN that purity party which is why they were all required to wear white. They should of worn riot squad gear instead.

While at the party Mel decides to talk with Caroline about her favorite subject TERESA. Caroline tells Melissa that since Tree is the new Joker Face (same speech different bitch) and an asshole she is trying to destroy the family because she hates Melissa. Really? Besides Caroline what else is old?

Teresa shows up at the Solstice Party with Kim D (that bitch is still alive?) and is pissed that her brother Midget Psycho Joey has repeated to Mel the dig warning Tree gave him on that bitch being a gold-digger who will walk out on him if a richer man comes along.

 

 

The Third Eye Fairies give everyone a third eyeball, but I believe with these fucktwits that shit is blind deaf and dumb, so there’s no hope for them. Not even with a third eye.

Rosie pulls Tree to the side so nobody could hear them except the cameramen and all of the TV audience watching this craziness, and starts bringing up the bullshit about the gold-digger comment between Tree and her Midget brother. Rosie tells Teresa she just wants everyone to shut the fuck up, cut the bullshit and party, she also says she is surrounded by a bunch of stupid idiots and now she needs more liquor.

Everyone agrees that Teresa’s  true motive for that gold-digging comment is because she is a jealous bitch with a husband who has cheating issues and is projecting onto the Gorgas the current situation in her own marriage. Supposedly Midget Psycho Joey was the one who found out that Barney Devito was cheating on Teresa and he is the one who threatened Barney Devito with telling Tree all about it. Teresa ended up discovering the questionable text on Barney Devito’s phone.

Tree tries to sweep that shit under the rug because she is embarrassed and then forces Jacqueline to be on her side, or else.

Soon after that Mel and Tree get into a bitching spewage over how Midget Joey never called Tree when Barney Devito was someone’s bitch at the fabulous jail house. Tree gets all batshit crazy and offended that this bitch mentioned ‘jail’ when according to Teresa the proper term is ‘he went away,’ and so Tree turns this comment into a fight, just like Mel and Joey turned the gold-digging dig into a big ole’ fight. Shit never ends with these fucktards. After  Teresa gets horribly offended she runs out of the party all pissed off.

Mel goes back to cry to Mama Manzo and starts singing her same tired victim song “I tried,  she is nuts I don’t know what the fuck happened” and Caroline agrees with the whole thing and calls Teresa a bully. Turd meet the dingle-berry!

Kathy says that old Mafiosos use the word ‘away’ instead of jail because that’s old school Mafioso respect and understands why Teresa flipped out. But, doesn’t understand why she is using old school terminology when nowadays going to jail is like saying he went on vacation and nobody gives a shit anymore. Besides, why is this ho’ tripping all of her and her husband’s dirty chones have been airing out their stinky odors since she started appearing on this Bravo Circus; same goes for everyone else.

While Teresa is running in her hooker stilettos to her car, Jacqueline, Kim D and the socalled psychic Tia are chasing her down begging her not to leave. Tia is brave enough to grab Tree’s arm, bitch better watch out Tree has gorilla strength and may send her flying across the parking lot onto a parked car the same way she tossed Miss Andy like a rag doll during that one reunion. I wonder if maybe Tia has never watched this show and that may explain why she has balls.

After much negotiating (as if Teresa was holding hostages and the other bitches were cops) she agrees to talk to Mel under the condition that she don’t bring up Barney Devito’s vacation in Club Med.

When Mel goes out to confront Tree in the parking lot, the bitches are going back and forth and yelling at each other. So much for fairy dust, third eyes and harmony!  Melissa starts demanding an apology from Tree Beast for saying she will leave Midget Joey for a fatter wallet to suck on. Teresa says that if Joey would of just kept his big bitch mouth shut and kept the comment in confidence (but forgets how to pronounce confidence and says confidante or some stupid shit)  this shit-storm would have been avoided. It’s called stirring shit up for the cameras Tree, you done that before.

The argument goes on and on and gets louder and louder plus these bitches are waving their arms around throwing gang signs and shit like that. They argue about gifts, and their kids birthdays and about how Barney Devito throws away the gifts that Mel brings the Giudice girls and who is a bigger bitch than who. Teresa tries to leave but Mel stops her and yells ‘walk away coward like you always do!’ Then, Teresa comes back getting into full orangutan fight mode and we cut to commercials.

Okay so I’m a sick whore and was hoping these bitches where going to scratch each other’s eyes out and throw Louboutin shoes at each other using the heels as weapons all while in the glamorous parking lot where all the bitch chola fights happen with this crew. But, NOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

We start this episode with the continuation of Ashley Holmes getting kicked out of her mom and stepdad’s house in New Jersey and into the fun non-stop partying Sin-City of Vegas. Albie Manzo is sent to babysit drive Ashley and make sure she gets on that plane. Yeah, that went real well.

Now lets visit the Giudice’s at their empty money laundering front Pizzeria that apparently is shut down now. Supposedly since Barney Devito couldn’t drive himself to work and get ‘those lunches out on time’ he had to go out of business. But, don’t worry Barney Devito is crafty and has a new scheme up his sleeve, he is going to light a match and burn down the gas station across the street owned by one Richie Wikipedia, and turn that shit into an old folks social security/ medicare scam of some sort.  But, Richie Wikipedia doesn’t know his ass is getting ‘evicted’ from his gas station yet.  But, he will and this is because paybacks are a bitch. More on that later.

Since we are in the subjects of shit shutting down let’s visit with Lauren Manzo aka Godmother Caroline Manzo Jr. Remember that cosmetics front store she opened last season when she had Ashley draw her  T-shirts with crayons then she bitched her out and whatnot? Well apparently the next day, yes you heard that correct THE NEXT DAY Lauren closed shop. Lauren had some hissy fit over people not kissing her ass enough or some shit. So, she didn’t even have that store opened for a punk ass 10 minutes when she decided to fold up and go home to cry to mommy who fed her a buffet of  1/16^th Italian fried meatballs until Lauren gained more weight so this way Godmother Manzo can have a story line and tell the world how fat her daughter is.  Since when do you open a store and not even give it a chance? She closed shop the next day?  Now I know why Lauren is always crapping on Ashley, she is hoping that pointing the finger at Ashley’s non-stop, conga-line of partying will make people not notice her failing attempts at having a business. Lauren has no room to talk about what a loser Ashley is. But, since Godmother Manzo couldn’t get Lauren on ‘The biggest Loser’ since that’s the show she should go on; she takes her to some hippie doctors that’s going to put Lauren on some Anorexia diet hoping that if she loses some weight her cosmetics store will be more successful and people will kiss Lauren’s skinny size four ass. Size four? Now you’re pushing it bitch!

And since those fried 1/16^th Italian meatballs get around they are making an appearance at Jacqueline’s get-together where fried meatballs are the main dish.  The Giudice’s are also making an appearance so they can get bashed by everybody some more work things out.

Ashley purposely misses her flight.  It appears that Albie was unable to carry on this mission and strap ‘Ke$ha’  on that one-way plane to Vegas.  Ashley walks in and says hi to everyone like it’s no big deal she had missed her flight because she couldn’t find any straw-NyQuil to suck on and powdered donuts to snort on. Chris decides to take Ashley to the airport himself first thing in the morning. But, not until he tells Ashley she has no commonsense and her little brother CJ who knows how to operate the vacuum better than Ashley because he can follow directions would of NOT  missed the flight.

When Teresa shows up everyone purposely ignores her while she is trying to speak, they seem tired of hearing her. Finally she makes herself loud enough and brings up that she is apologizing AGAIN over the so called jokes she spewed out in her books. Tree asks her brother Midget Psycho Joey if he read her first book, and Psycho Joey gets all pissed off this bitch  even asked him if he read her book or not, since EVERYBODY KNOWS Joey doesn’t know how to read and now Teresa’s constant questioning and unrequested advice to read her book is making everyone in the room uncomfortable. AAAWKWAAARD!

Melissa changes the convo and tells Tree they will take one in the ass for the team so she can make a buck or some shit. Truth be told they all take one in the ass when they’re in a reality show in order to make a buck.

Meanwhile in the basement where I guess the cameras where not allowed, a fists fight occurred between Barney Devito and Richie Wikipedia, over who is the shortest Joe. Barney Devito or Midget Joey. Since Barney Devito has little dick syndrome he got all pissed off at Richie Wikipedia and went to grab his balls, Richie turned around and hit him in the head with some sort of candlestick holder and this gave Barney Devito a black eye and bloody nose, this is the reason he is out for vengeance against Richie Wikipedia and will burn down his gas station to open up an old folks swingers home. Old people need to get laid too. And can you believe none of this bullshit got caught on camera!

Later on Barney Devito is at home drinking the pain of his lost fight away and has the guys over for some fun gossipy time. While Barney Devito was pouring wine, his children where running amuck and one of them I think it was Milania (I’m writing this from memory) punches Albie in the nuts. While Barney Devito cooks the food his daughter Milania tells him he is not a cooker he is a hooker. Maybe that’s why he was trying to grab Richie’s balls?

When the other men bring up Barney Devito’s drivers license ordeal he brings up his brother-in-law Psycho Midget Joey’s inability to pay his bills on time. The other men are friends with Midget Joey so the whole combo was  AWKWARD! During a talking heads interview, Chris Laurita says that he lost respect for Barney Devito for being a 40 year old loser who uses other people’s birth certificate to get a drivers license. Can’t believe Bravo is trying to make the men be gossipy Sunday-bitches also.

 

Back at the Wikipedia home we find out that young Master Wikipedia has a young girl send him naked pictures of herself. His dad Richie Wikipedia is all sorts of proud of his son who is now ‘ a full grown man’ and can look at naked bitches.  His momma Kathy however, is disgusted that a young lady would be such a floozy and send her son those porn shots. While all this shit was going on Richie was busy eyeballing that young ho’ s pictures because he is going to save those pics for his son later so he can get his mack on.

Later on Melissa is trying to sing a ballad in her homegrown music studio and her producer tells her to sing like she means it. Even though this bitch tries, it still doesn’t work until the producer auto tunes the shit out of that song and suddenly Melissa is an award winning ballad songstress. Maybe Gretchen Rossi should of hired this auto tune master for her Pussycats Doll Disaster.

And finally Melissa makes a romantic dinner for her and Midget Psycho Joey who has to shout across the 10 foot long dinner table and thinks Melissa is preggers again; until she tells him she is just presenting him her new song and he decides to get that bitch drunk so he can knock her up with a little Gorga baby. AGAIN!

 

 

Teresa Giudice tried to make amends with Caroline Manzo, on the last episode of RHONJ and Caroline pretty much told her to fuck off, Caroline also threaten Bravo with walking out if Teresa remains on the show. Well then, don’t let the door hit you in your culo on the way out Caroline!

Even though Teresa’s apology wasn’t welcome by Caroline, she is still trying to apologize this time she even took her apology to In Touch Weekly; where Tree has written apology letters to all her ho-stars including her SIL Melissa Gorga.

 

From In Touch Weekly:

“All of this drama seemed insignificant after I was exposed to people with real problems.” And so, in an attempt to bury the hatchet, Teresa, 39, has written open letters to Jacqueline, Melissa, Kathy and Caroline. “I wish I could take it all back and start over,” she confesses.

In her open letter to Jacqueline, Teresa writes, “Dear Jacqueline, I wish we could have resolved things sooner because I’m sincerely sorry for upsetting you — and I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your apology on Twitter. I feel like things have gotten out of hand, which is sad. I miss our friendship. I miss being like Lucy and Ethel with you. And so I hope we can work through these problems one day, when you are ready. Teresa xoxo”

Other juicy rumors swirling around this mess is that Melissa is demanding more money for making an ass out of herself on national TV and for her family ties getting ruined. Although, I doubt she gives two shits about their raging-crazy, family feuds.

“There is now a lot of fighting going on about money – who deserves the most and who doesn’t,”

“Melissa wants more money because she feels like she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with all the damage that’s been done to her personal life.”

Tree and Jax are trying to mend fences via Twitter. But, I doubt that Caroline Manzo will give Jacqueline clearance to make peace with Teresa:

Aaand Reality Tea also got an exclusive about Barney Devito’s rumored cheating ways. But, then again like Phaedra Parks would say everyone already knows that.

From Reality Tea:

 “Joe always had the attitude, ‘what would she do without me?’,”

Teresa “likes a nice life and he ‘used to’ give that to her.”

Supposedly, Teresa use to not care or at least tolerate and pretend to not care where Barney Devito was, this was back in the day when he used to bring home the bacon:

Teresa  “didn’t care where he went and what he did.”

According to the source, Barney Devito has also been known for staying out for days at a time and Tree had no clue where he was at, the poor thing had to call her father or brother to track down Barney Devito. THAT SUCKS!

“Teresa has had to deal with Joe and his infidelities for years. There were times Joe was gone for days and she didn’t know where he was,”

But, now that Tree is the one bringing in the money and Barney Devito stays home she doesn’t really need his cheating ass anymore and is more confrontational about his cheating ways.

The Melissa sisters gossipy source continued:

“Teresa comes from a place where the woman ‘worships’ her husband. Teresa’s mother worships her father. Her brother loves and worships his wife,”

“Teresa wishes she married someone who would have treated her the way her brother treats his wife.”

Barney Devito is also rumored to sniff up Teresa’s friend and makeup artist skirt.

See photo below:

COCHINO!

 

But of course Teresa keeps on denying all of this mess and told Wetpaint:

“Joe and I have a very solid marriage.”

And insist, “very difficult time for us.”

“We were both frustrated and reacting out of emotion and exhaustion.”

 

If all of these rumors about Barney Devito are for sure, sure true then, how sad for Tree to have to put up with a cheating asshole, while she keeps trying to paint a faux smile on her face!  POBRECITA!

 

It is only obvious that Barney Devito is not all that into his wife Teresa Giudice and is fed up with cameras following him and his troubles around. In an upcoming episode Barney Devito will snap at Tree and threatens to leave her and the girls if she keeps complaining about fighting with her bro Midget Psycho Joey. An insider spilled this to Life & Style :

“In an upcoming episode, Joe threatens to leave Teresa,” a source says. “When she complains about fighting with her brother, Joe tells her, ‘I don’t want to hear about it anymore. When I say something, you fucking listen and shut up. Try to get me around your family,  just try it. I’ll end up leaving you.”

WOW! That’s pretty ugly.

But, Tree insists that:

“everyone has their ups and downs.”

However Melissa the insider says that Teresa pretends to have a happy marriage when the cameras are around and she obviously fails miserably at it:

“It’s sad,” the insider says. “They turn it on only when cameras are around. Joe hasn’t been focused on his family for years.”

So could this be the reason she is trying to get preggers again and give husband Barney Devito a baby boy?

This is what she spilled to Hollywood Life:

“I try to be Superwoman,” Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Teresa Giudice confesses to Hollywoodlife.com. “My husband Joe is telling me that we should have another baby – he wants to try for a boy.”

With Teresa trying to be the main bread winner for her family plus juggling all of her gigs and supposedly having no nannies or hardly any help to raise her brood she says she is too tired to give Barney Devito some monkey sex in order to get another baby going:

She explains that her two youngest daughters, Milania and Audriana, still insist that she lie down with them at night until they go to sleep.

“Then I go back to my bed and Joe wants some action,” she laughs. “He always says – ‘you’re so tired!’”

“Whenever I ask Joe, what he wants for his birthday, he replies: ‘Another baby!’”

“I’m just so grateful that I have healthy kids and I think I understand why God sent me four girls,” she explains. “I grew up with a brother, Joe (Gorga), and we were close when we were young, but not so much now. But with my girls, we can be best friends, and they will have each other. Sisters will always stick together.”

And then again Barney Devito shouldn’t trip, I am sure he just wants a boy so that he can carry his last name on. But, in today’s world men take their wives last name. Gia just has to find a nice Jewish boy (remember when Tree told her to marry a Jewish man) that will exchange his last name for Giudice, and put up with that family’s bat-shit craziness. Problem solved.

Thanks Nikki for the link to this mess!

 

 

The Real House Bitches Of The New Jerseys will be coming back in April with it’s fourth season. Last season introduced us to Teresa’s sister in law Melissa Gorga and cousin Kathy Wakile. This set the foundation for Teresa to go from the Bitch of the show on season 3, to the full Asshole that everyone hates on the show on the coming season 4 because suddenly all of them including Caroline hate her because they are all a bunch of assholes, Teresa also.

There will be appearances by  ex-house wife Dina Manzo who is no longer speaking to her sister but, is still friends with Tree she even sides with her. Melissa Gorga will question her husband’s sexuality and will also be confronted by her ex-boss where Mel supposedly worked as a stripper. Kathy and husband will have to deal with routine teenage problems. The Manzo boys will try to buy a luxury skank-magnet, they will also shit on Laurence’s self-esteem and her future chunky children with Vito. And of course there will lots of Teresa yelling and going apeshit on the other bitches the other ho’s will also go on bitch slap mode on Tree. That one coked out drunk-bitch Kim D will be there also, calling Joe Gorga a ‘midget.’ Barney Devito tells Tree to ‘shut up,’ and there’s one scene where the men are talking and Barney agrees Teresa hates all the other bitches. Also it looks like Tree and Mel will finally duke it out outside, in front of Melissa’s house the way bitches do it at the trailer park every Saturday night. NICE!

Teresa Giudice’s husband Barney Devito has been know for doing many shady things, such as drunk driving, fraudulent use of a driver’s licence, somehow punking ridiculously large amounts of money from an ex partner to supplement their lavish lifestyle, wannabe ladies man, and now we can add slumlord to the list of things this dude is known for.

Barney Devito owns some apartment building on the other side of the tracks where he is already known for being a slumlord (I read that in some comments somewhere a while back and if I find it I will post it!)

Radaronline and their  sources where able to get some insider info about Barney Devito and hit slumlord ways. It was uncovered that he refused to pay the basic electricity for the building at the tab of 51k (I’m sure Teresa would blow that in one shopping spree at one store) and left his tenants and their children with no heat and homeless in the middle of winter while him, Teresa, and their family live it up in their 70 room, 30 bathroom, 27 fireplace marble mansion on the nice side of town:

“the deadbeat landlord owes $51,000 to the New Jersey Electric Company, and his attitude is ‘It’s no big deal,’ but in fact families are suffering from his blatant neglect.”

“The gas and electricity were shut down,” a local resident exclusively told RadarOnline.com. “Tenants can’t care for their kids and have no heat.”

A recent investigation by ABC News uncovered some more dirt under Barney Devito’s slumlord nails, when they spoke to his actual tenants. The building where all this took place was the same building Barney Devito took Tree on a tour in a previous season:

Barney Devito flat out lied when he said there was nothing he could do to help the tenants, and that he didn’t own the building when it is clear he owns it! The only reason this jackass finally paid the electric bill on the building is because the news people went after his ass on a harassment campaign exposing him for what he is. And I’m sure the thought of his tenants showing up at his door with their suitcases ready to move in on him and Teresa didn’t sit well with him. It was sad seeing that little girl all happy and appreciative  when she got her electricity back on; meanwhile Teresa’s daughters where probably running each other over with their motorized Mercedes Benz.

Thanks to all my readers that send me links to this juicy gossip!

Teresa Giudice recently played a parody of the monkey stomping shenanigans that made her famous when she punked on Joker Face (Danielle Staub) Circa Seasons 1 & 2 RHONJ.   This time her and Co-Star Tia Carrere played a sketch of the fighting words Teresa exchanged with the Joker when she starred in “Unreal Housewives of Camelot” for her Celebrity Apprentice challenge.  This scripted comedy had Teresa and Co-Star Tia Carrere doing the famous exchange of “Don’t call me honey!” “Is bitch better?!” bit. But, since there was children in the audience and to make it sound more medieval Tree had to change bitch to “wench”, followed by a little sword fighting and ending with Tree flipping a table. Bitch coined that one.

Behind the scenes it’s been rumored that Barney Devito thought he was ‘a ladies man’ and was hitting on Teresa’s Celebrity Apprentice co-stars backstage.

A gossipy insider told  The National Enquirer that Teresa was seeing yelling “You’re a cheater!” at Barney Devito when she found out he was drinking and hanging out with her CA co-stars.

The gossipy source continued:

“Teresa has a hair-trigger temper and her ‘street-hood side’ comes out when she gets agitated,”

“That’s what happened when she thought she’d ‘caught Joe with one of the show’s gorgeous female contestants”

“It turns out that he’d been hanging out with some cast members behind the scenes during filming. Joe had been drinking and he was acting like a fool when Teresa thought he was hitting on one of the women.”

Meanwhile the women on the show where laughing at Barney Devito’s mid-life crisis, pathetic, drunken-ass, and making gagging faces at each other while keeping him far away:

“But none of them want anything to do with Joe. Although they were polite, they kept him at arm’s length. Teresa doesn’t have a thing to worry about as far as her ‘Apprentice’ rivals go. But she’s a hothead.”

And because the Trumpster likes to be surrounded by eye candy, this last Celebrity Apprentice was packed with hot bitches including singer/actress AUBREY O’DAY, former Miss Universe DAYANA MENDOZA and model PATRICIA VELASQUEZ. Sounds like Barney Devito’s cup of tea also.

 

Teresa Giudice’s husband, Barney Devito was indicted yesterday for that little incident he had back in  2010, when he was using his brothers drivers licence and got caught.

Also another exciting report has surfaced about Jacqueline Laurita being a stripper. A little while ago there was some gossip that spilled that she was a stripper in Vegas, of course she denied these claims. According to In Touch she worked at some gutter-skank, rat-hole from 1992 to 1993 and was in violent relationships with her then boyfriend who I suspects must be Ashley’s dad:

In Touchcan now exclusively reveal the details of the shocking past that she’d prefer to keep a secret. “She was a stripper at a Las Vegas club called the Glitter Gulch,” reports a former friend who was very close to Jacqueline. “She worked there from 1992 to 1993. Like all strip clubs, it was an awful place.”

And another former pal from back in the day reports that she spent several years in a volatile romance – the low point seems to have been her 1996 arrest for battery of her then-boyfriend, who was also arrested on the same charge. “She slapped him in the face and punched him in the groin,” the police report states.

 I wonder if Jacqueline will have her lawyer call In Touch Magazine a “skank.”

Thanks to my readers Lizzie and Nikki  for sending me the links to this juicy gossip!

 

Ok I know this recap is hella late, but I was called to do some Jane Bond Mission Impossible dirty work and was not around to rag on these ho’s ( At one point I cound’t reach the keyboard). Ok so here it is. Pretend I posted this earlier. Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion parts 1 & 2.

I hate to admit it, but Joker Face was right when she said those bitches don’t need her crazy crusty ass to bring on the drama because that shit was already there.

The first thing  Miss Andy brings up is the Greek tragedy these people’s lives have turned into and the missing Jacqueline who decided to hide under her bed with her eyes closed and her fingers in her ears until the Bravo van left her driveway.  Caroline blames Jacqueline’s absence on Teresa  because of the incident that took place at the Posche 2011 Fashion Showdown the previous night which Teresa caused, and because of all this Jacqueline is not attending and also because she doesn’t want to “look” at Teresa’s hair line. Teresa tells Caroline to not speak for that bitch and that if she started shit she should finish it. Caroline has her Godmother gloves on and Teresa says “bring it on baby!” she meant bitch.

Teresa says that she’s been laughing all the way to the bank with the money she was paid for the ruined 10-year relationshit with Jacqueline that unfolded on TV.Caroline says she is glad Teresa is laughing because Jacqueline is crying (since Jacqueline didn’t take advantage of jumping on the  hawking shit on TV train while the  Teresa relationshit was going to shit.) Teresa says she got her crying out of the way early and says Caroline is the captain of this bitch platoon that attacked her.

The cook/insult book gets brought up, and Teresa says something so stupid so ridiculous that makes her look like the biggest fool so far to hit these train-wreckage reunion shows. After Teresa gets called out on being a demented bitch, (who took an entire page of her book plus wasted energy on ragging on Melissa about being a copycat when instead she could of used that page for another recipe) Teresa tries to imply that she was not speaking about Melissa when she insulted her because she didn’t mention Melisa’s name. What kind of morons does she think everyone is? Andy was rolling up his eyes at this bitches moronic response. And I was embarrassed for her that’s how bad it was.

Caroline and Teresa keep being snippy at each other and Miss Andy feels this is a perfect time to bring up Teresa’s comment that Caroline is only 1/16th Italian. Teresa tries to downplay it like it’s no big deal and says if someone said the same thing to her she would just laugh it off, then she insults Caroline when she tells her in Italian I’M 100% ITALIAN! And it goes right over Caroline’s head because she doesn’t understand what Teresa just said.

Caroline expresses how very butt hurt she is that Teresa dared insult her baby’s ambitious desire to open up a car-wash strip joint. Teresa tries to say AGAIN that it was a joke “HA, HA!” But that she wouldn’t want her daughters to work in that puterio. Caroline then decides she will front Christopher the money to open up the strip/car-wash joint and recruit the Giudice girls when they each turn 18, but before they will each prick their finger in a spinning wheel as revenge. BUA HA HA!!

Teresa tries to say that if she didn’t love to insult Caroline she wouldn’t of put a lovely picture of her in her Fabulicious book. Caroline then says she wants Tree to take the picture of her out in all of the cookbooks, even the ones people bought. Meaning Teresa will have to somehow break into people’s houses Ninja style at night and rip the picture out. But then, she tells Teresa to leave the shitty comments to show the world who the asshole is.

Godmother Caroline is also pissed off that Teresa “poisoned” her opinions about Kathy and Melissa causing Caroline to treat them like shit. Teresa reminds Caroline she is her own damn person and Tree can’t influence Caroline to treat anyone like shit. Caroline brings up an example about how Teresa would tell her to never compliment that bitch Melissa and tell her she is pretty because she may believe it.

 Okay so after this, the whole incident of the last reunion when Teresa got up yelling in Joker Face’s mug and pushed Miss Andy like a rag-doll with her orangutan strength because Joker Face brought up Teresa’s nephew, gets revisited. Andy asks Melissa why Joker Face would bring up her son to instigate a bitch slap fest. Melissa has this OH SHIT BUSTED! look on her face because YOU KNOW she was bad mouthing Teresa to Satan on Facebook last time these bitches had a reunion.

Teresa expresses her disgust with her family joining the show, but specially Melissa who brings up how Teresa threatened her life right after Melissa got casted in the same circus as Teresa. 

More denial comes out of Teresa’s mouth this time though, she tries to say she was trying to protect Melissa’s big ass forehead and insist that since she was named the fore-headless wonder Melissa may be named the “horse forehead” bitch. Melissa assures everyone that she doesn’t have any self-esteem issues resulting from her gigantic forehead. Caroline gets all Godmother drama on Teresa and tells her she “crucified these people” and points at Kathy and Mel. I think Melissa should just share some of that “horse forehead” with Teresa and call it a night.

Clips from The Christening from Hell get played and we get to see Psycho Joey in his Tiara crying for daddy after he damn near flipped the table when he called Teresa “gawbage.” Teresa gets into it with Melissa over not inviting Psycho Joey to their House Skanks Premiere party. Teresa insists she didn’t invite Mel or Joey because she knew Mel didn’t want to go (because Teresa reads minds.)

 Then, Teresa gives a lesson on “what a good wife does” and says Mel is NOT a good wife for not calling Teresa to kiss her ass and beg her to invite Joey to the Premiere party.  Kathy points out to Teresa that her comment is offensive, but she is too stupid to know that. Everyone has a lame excuse for their behavior. Teresa says her dad doesn’t know Psycho Joey called her “gawbage” or else he will flip a table also.

Miss Andy asks Melissa why the fuck they were mad that Tree and Barney Devito when they were on the dance floor dancing with their baby, and of course that bitch stutters and makes a lame ass excuse. Oh well, I bet she is not even sure how it all got out of control that particular night anyway, since I bet it was all a combination of alcohol, asshole hair trigger-tempers and Bravo producers whispering in their ears and WALAH! They managed to ruin little Gino (or Joey’s?) Christening. FOREVER!

Teresa says that the only reason Psycho Midget Joey threw a fit the night of the Christening is because he believes she kept him off the show. Melissa asks “And you think a  man  cries like a baby  to his daddy on national TV because his sister kept him off the show?” I  can tell Teresa was thinking YEAH!

Miss Andy reads a viewer email to Melissa who calls out Psycho Joey for starting the Christening Brawl from hell after he name called Teresa and got all apeshit on her ass almost flipping the table. Melissa surprisingly says she doesn’t hold Teresa responsible for the shit flinging, and admits Psycho got it to the next level.

Kathy finds out she is also part Gorga and may have temper problems and Melissa gets asked if her sister was punched in the face by Mama Giudice and Teresa says she punched that bitch because she pulled her hair.

 

Teresa denies that Gia watched the Christening episode and tries to play dumb, but then Mama Manzo bustes her. Why doesn’t she just admit she let Gia watch the episode? What’s the big deal “she lived it” didn’t she?

Caroline says that Psycho Joey put on his tiara and sequin, then went all drama, held her hand and told her he felt terrible that he called his sister “gawbage.” Hmm? Why did he say this to Caroline? Did he apologize to Teresa? Maybe he should of saved the theatrics for that, no?

Caroline gets all crazy and yells that Teresa told her she didn’t want to make up with her “asshole” brother. Melissa drops her jaw all wide like she is about to gasp I guess when you call someone an “asshole” you are really threatening their life in this family. Wow! I must threaten my brother’s life quite a bit then. I just called him an asshole today as a matter of fact.

Teresa sits there trying to deny it, but her actions give it away. Mel also jumps in and sticks up for Caroline. It was a gang-bang.

Andy asks the bitches to please teach him how to speak New Joysey Slang. Lesson number one. “Youse” means “You guys” or “Ya’ all” meaning you are referring to a group of people. Andy revisits “ingrediencess” and then calls Melissa a “wench” Melissa admits she is a wench.

Andy then puts Melissa “On Display” and asks her the 110 million dollar question and asks her if she is half black. Why? Because she looks like the triplet of Tia and Tamera Mowry. The question should not be is Melissa Gorga half black the question should really be, are Tia and Tamera half Italian?

Teresa says she is supportive of Melissa’s one hit wonder music career and then calls her a goldigger.  We also found out Psycho Joe prints money in that big basement where he keeps the bodies of the guys that fucked him over.

Melissa kept dropping her mouth wide open gasping like an innocent little princess and Teresa said “Bring it on Bitches! Bring it on!”

Then Teresa calls Melissa the Devil because she is the one wearing red. Devils also wear blue.

 

Teresa gets called out for her Jewish friend comment. Then she apologizes for saying that, and insist it wasn’t meant as a racist remark since she will be trying to marry Gia off to a Jewish husband in the near future.

Andy asks Teresa how she feels about being the one that brings home the bacon while Barney Devito brings home tips from his minimum wage pizza parlor job. Teresa says it feels great and she is happy. I don’t hear them say “happy wife, hapy life” anymore since they almost went to jail for bankruptcy fraud and they had to change the Giudice slogan to “happy wife, bankruptcy for life”. Teresa also defends the fact she bought her children a shitload of toys for Christmas including a 200 dollar motorized toy car. But it was Jesus’s birthday!

Teresa also admits she was confused when the almost auction went on at her house where she believed she had Picasso paintings worth 50 thousand dollars!

Like this Picasso painting here Teresa owns, she paid fifty thousand dollars for it. She knows it is a fine Picasso painting because the guy at the furniture store told her it was an original Picasso (Damn! I gotta open me a furniture store full of tacky Tijuana shit near these fools!)

WHAT A MORON!!

We also found out Barney Devito is the “go-to-guy for business advice.” Then, Tree adamantly denies her husband being a shady character full of shadiness.

This whole time Caroline has been making “Quizzical” faces at Teresa. Caroline and Teresa get into it and Caroline feels she is “getting dumber as the minutes go by.” Because she is in a “whirlwind of stupid.” Teresa is contagious.

 

Part 2 of the Reunion.

Andy brings up to Melissa that he has never seen anyone as horny as Melissa’s husband and asks her how she keeps him happy. Melissa admits she has to give him booty once a day to keep him happy. But, twice would be better.  What she doesn’t know is that he is getting it 5 times a day when he goes out in this getup:

 How do you think he makes extra money to keeps Mel in Rolexes and living in a mansion?

The problem is Joe is REALLY good at his moonlighting job that he enjoys it. QUITE A BIT. And yes, Jacqueline gave him that outfit because she didn’t want it after Joe’s sweaty balls were in it, so she told him he could have it.

 After that, we have a contest over who has more sex between Teresa and Melissa. I would say about equal since Psycho Joe gets action from his Craiglist hookups while Barney Devito gets extra action from every toothless ho’ he has on the side.

Next they show everyone having sex.  Andy asks Melissa if it bothers her that Psycho Joe likes wearing women’s clothes too much. But, as I explained above he is doing it to keep this woman living in luxury so it doesn’t bother Melissa at all plus she says he’s been doing this a looong time. Even Teresa admits when they were little Psycho Drag Joey always ran around dressed up like a girl. What she doesn’t want to admit is that Joe DID try on her clothes when the two were growing up. (Notice how Kathy and Melissa laugh nervously when Teresa denies that Joey whore her clothes because the bitches know the truth.) Also Teresa’s pretty dresses and shoes always would come up missing and end up in Psycho Joey’s closet and those missing clothes are in that closet until this day.

 Miss Andy brings up Melissa’s past about “slamming the lady pond” and Melissa denies it by saying that her girlfriend was a lesbian, but she wasn’t. I guess she also left some of her clothes in that same closet Psycho Joe hid his sister’s stolen loot.

Teresa denies Barney Devito is a cheater and Caroline knows the bitch is just covering up for her man (the same way she would do) Miss Andy wanted to throw a log in that fire because it was getting too mellow, so he ask Teresa who she believes  leaked the info about Barney Devito’s cheating ways to the gossip blogs and of course Teresa falls Andy’s carefully planned input and insinuates it was Jacqueline who leaked out this info and that this why she is not here. Meanwhile Godmother Caroline is looking “Quizzical” again.

  Miss Andy asks Caroline if Johnny and Christopher are still friends even thought the Manzo’s kicked Kim G out of someone else’s party. Caroline insist that the boys are still in good terms and that Johnny G knows his mom is nuts so it doesn’t make any difference. Teresa brings up that the reason she didn’t like Kim G was because of Caroline’s influence (kind of like the same shit Caroline said earlier about not liking Kathy and Mel because of Teresa’s input.)

Caroline gets asks why she calls her daughter fat when she reminds her she has eight pounds of sausage in a five pound bag. Caroline says she needs to let her daughter know how it is or else who will?  Caroline also gets asked why her husband lied on his application when he had that city job and she tries to stumble around a lame answer. Bottom line is the so called Brownstone apartment wasn’t his permanent residence unless she kicked him out of the house and he lives at the Brownstoner full time.

When Dina and Caroline’s fractured relationship gets brought up Caroline immediately blames Teresa for the damage.

Caroline brings up that the fame has gotten to Teresa. She also admits she talks about that bitch all the time because she doesn’t like her. Tree turns up the sassy and says I’M AS REAL AS THEY COME AND YOU KNOW IT. Mel attacks back and tells Teresa if she keeps spitting that bullshit out it may come true. I guess she was giving Teresa her very own advice which by the way Melissa practices it. Daily. Caroline also says that her feet are planted on the ground and that she chooses to be a mother to her children instead of being on the tabloids. Then she ran to the tabloid crying that her grown children didn’t sign up for this.

Teresa starts freaking out yelling WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!??!! NO WONDER WHY DINA DOESN’T WANNA SPEAK TO YOU!! Dina responded to that on her blog and said she wasn’t taking sides with those crazy bitches.

Caroline responded:

YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT AND YOUR WASTING THIS TAPE

Well too late for that!

Teresa repeats YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT and they go back and forth like 6th graders. Caroline also reveals that because of TERESA Dina is also not speaking to everyone in her house including her children, Jacqueline and her brother Chris.  All because Dina took Teresa’s side, I don’t know maybe Dina is Teresa’s secret lesbian lover too maybe that’s why.

They briefly mentioned that Ashley is an Assholey and Kathy explains it perfectly when she mentioned that “Ashley just hasn’t reached her AH, HA moment” yet. I agree.

Kathy finds out she may have Ramonitis of the eyes after Andy diagnoses her.

See twins separated at birth.

Andy decided it was time to question Kathy’s abilities to successfully throw “all night hookah and cannoli parties.”

Kathy admits that by smoking a little munchy tobacky in her hookah

  

Leads her to genious moments of delicious munchies.

.

  

Teresa just wishes she could have some of the “ingrediencess” in that magical hookah, that make Kathy cook this awesome.

I

  

Ritchie’s job is to keep New Joysey flushed with the good shit.

And speaking about easy going fun stuff, Kathy talks about her daughter Victoria (whose boyfriend is suffering from cracked-nuts courtesy of Ritchie) Kathy says she is grateful her daughter survived a brain tumor. Teresa interrupts to make it about herself and about how Mother Teresa being at the hospital for Victoria “every day” made her realize she doesn’t sweat the small things.

  

This is the other bitches reactions:

  

WTF??!!

Right after Teresa says she doesn’t trip on small shit Ritchie gets brought up and  Teresa says it’s all Ritchie’s fault she doesn’t get invited to Kathy’s hookah parties and all night muchie benders.

Teresa says that because Ritchie is an asshole to her she “dessence” herself from him and Andy ask her what the fuck she is saying? Bitch you don’t know what you’re saying! Tree is pissed that Barney Devito and Ritchie would gang up on her.

Following that little pile up the incident with Audriana gets brought up. Teresa says her child was not unattended and she doesn’t want Kathy calling her a bad parent.  Caroline tries to explain to Teresa that she should be grateful her cousin took Audriana out of danger .

 

Finally Teresa admits she was overreacting, but it took her all season to come to this conclusion.

The Christmas fight gets brought up and Teresa says she wanted her brother and sister-in-law to stay with her all night NOT just three hours. Then she says the other bitches are all bad people.

And Caroline realizes that they are all fucking crazy. Including her.

Big ole’ yelling match among all the bitches followed , but it was specially all of them jumping on Teresa.

Melissa brought up Barney Devito’s name calling her “raccoon face” Teresa immediately jumps in and says,

 ”HE WAS TALKING ABOUT KATHY!”

  

Watchoo Talkin’ Bout, Willis!?

  

SOOO THAT’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT BETTER???

  

CONGRATULATIONS TERESA YOU’RE A FUCKING MORON!!

After Teresa made an ass of herself Andy asks her why can’t she shut her trap and listen for a minute. Of course it goes into Teresa’s one ear and out the other.

  

After another blowup we find what place everyone is in.

Teresa gets called out on blaming Melissa for her family being broken up Melissa denies it and I agree with Carolines statement earlier that they are all fucking crazy.

  

Here’s Kathy’s WTF?? Reaction.

 

After Tree and Mel get into an argument over what Melissa would gain over breaking up the family, Melissa realizes that you can’t argue with crazy. You just can’t.

I give up.

Teresa and Teresa Jr get compared and Caroline resolves the problem these two bitches have in one shot.

They’re the same person.

Tree and Mel argue back and forth on who is the queen of tacky.

  

The older bitches realizes these younger ho’s are fighting over nothing since in Northen New Joysey everyone is tackyliceous since they “all have the same bedspread and same robes”

After this Andy brings up Teresa’s obsession with being in control of her brother and she is reminded it is illegal to marry your brother.

Tree and Mel continue their competition on whose family is more Tacky Italian. Because with Teresa it always boils down to that. They proceed their back and forth arguing over the title of Queen of the Tacky.

Andy asks Teresa if she regrets saying anything bad about Melissa on the show and NOT surprisingly she turns it around and makes it about Melissa regreting saying something bad about her on the show. Andy has to rephrase that again. Melissa reads off a list of things that Teresa should regret and Teresa mumbles “the poison”. That’s it. Same question for Melissa and she said she regreted something lame to do with them paying their bills.

The feud of the “Joes” gets mentioned and we all find out it goes way back before they all joined the 3 ring circus.  Teresa is quoted saying she blames her husband and her brother because:

 

 ”they’re like girls.”

 

 

No it’s more like:

Andy calls out Teresa’s husband for using the “F” word and Melissa tries to say her husband doesn’t use that word. Somehow I’m siding with Tree on that one because I don’t believe Melissa.

 

Andy asks Caroline her opinion on Barney Devito’s favorite gay slur to use , but since in these families everyone uses that word even Caroline sticks up for Barney Devito and just says that his ass doesn’t mean it with maliciousness he  is just ignorant and grew up under a rock.

 

Teresa explains it best.

And that is also the reason why he is a wreckless drunk who chips his teeth and yells at his wife while calling his other relatives “white trash”.

Gia’s sad song gets brought up and Caroline calls it a “disgrace”.In the end nothing gets resolved the only thing left to do is for all these bitches to go scratch their ass.

 

Jacqueline Laurita and her husband Chris are following the typical tradition of a Real Faux Housewife when it comes to funding their faux-lavish lifestyle. According to Radaronline, the Laurita’s are finding themselves in a similar fraud lawsuit situation like the one her ex-friend Kettle-Teresa Giudice and her husband Barney Devito are involved in.

Christopher and his brother Joseph Laurita founded a company named Signature Apparel back in 2005 and they made tons of money. Between 2005 and 2009 it was reported they made more than 250 million dollars. But when the economy tanked in 2009 and  the Laurita’s where used to their lavish lifestyle (plus their other ventures where not doing well) they started pocketing money so  instead of paying their vendors money went to fund that champagne and diamonds  lifestyle they were used to.

“Signature’s assets were misused to make outright and unjustified payments to Laurita family members, and to fund the operations of the Laurita brothers’ other companies and business ventures.”

“The Laurita brothers soon drained the Company of all of its funds and assets in order to support their families’ increasingly opulent lifestyle of private jets, limousines, extravagant parties, premium automobiles, designer clothing, ostentatious home furnishings and lavish vacations,” the complaint that was filed on November 2, 2010, reads.

 

 Radaronline posted a list of the misuse of the funds:

Nearly $2 million in credit card payments for the Laurity Family, including payments to more than 40 bank accounts.
* At least $331,637 for payments on no less than eleven leased cars, including a Bentley and a Maserati.
* At least $284,793 in airline travel expenses for the Laurita Family.
* At least $145,894 for private airplane rentals for the Laurita Family.
* At least $7,280 for travel agent expenses for the Laurita Family.
* At least $755,184 to defendant Christopher Laurita for undocumented or insufficiently documented reasons.
* At least $784,160 of disbursements directed by the Laurita Director Defendants (Chris and Joseph) to unknown recipients, without any documentation whatsoever.

 

Jacqueline is being named in the lawsuit because according to Radaronline she knew about the shenanigans and was in on them:

“Jacqueline and Anthony Laurita each knew of the Lauria Director Defendant’s wrongful conduct, and each substantially assisted the Laurita Director Defendants in breaching their fiduciary duties by, among other conduct, accepting funds they each knew belonged to Signature and for which they each knew they had performed no services and/or provided no value,” the claim continued.

“Funds that should have been used to grow Signature’s business and to pay Signature’s vendors and creditors, instead were diverted to the Laurita Family Defendants.”

Of course Chris Laurita is challenging the charges and Jacqueline is denying any knowledge of these schemes:

On March 14, 2011 Jacqueline and her husband Chris filed an amended answer to the complaint, wherein Jacqueline states she “lacks knowledge or information sufficient to form a belief as to the truth of the allegations of the First Amended Complaint.”

Jacqueline’s husband denied nearly all of the 155 allegations made in the claim and states that the complaint should be dismissed “because of a failure to state facts sufficient to constitute a cause of action and a failure to state a claim upon which relief may be granted.”