After Jilliousy chewed Ramonzon’s head off for bringing up the Countless’  “weekend parenting” we are back for more bitch slapping and all that good shit. LuAnn is fuming because she says that Ramonzon talks to every Tom, Dick, Harry and belligerent homeless wino in New York city about LuMan’s parenting skills (or lack there off). Ramona says she didn’t say shit about that bitch and LuMan hisses at Gonzo for not sticking up for the Countless when Ramonzon was running her fat mouth. Gonzo tries to say she stuck up for LuMan, but wasn’t caught on film.

Andy asks Ramona why she is trying to blame Avery for turning down LuMan’s music video and why she is trying to say Avery is embarrassed of Ramona being on a tranni music video when the bitch served alcohol at Avery’s sweet sixteen and tried to highjack her party by turning it into Ramona’s drunken Cincuentanera bash 2010. Yep, that shit exist that’s what one of my readers told me. Go ahed and google it.

LuMan brings up the embarrassing massage Ramona gave her “husband’s hairy chest” on TV and questions how can Avery NOT be embarrassed by that, but is embarrassed of her mother appearing in LuMan’s desperation mid-life crises video. Jill decides to demonstrate the dramatics by grabbing Kelly’s Behemoth’s gorilla size feet and proceeds to massage them while making X-rated moaning sounds. I don’t understand why Ramonzon doesn’t just admit she didn’t want to do the video with the Countless because she can’t stand that beast. Andy asks Ramonzon if Avery was embarrassed by the massage she gave Mario on TV and Ramonzon says she was a “little” embarrassed. Yeah just like we are supposed to believe it was all Avery that forbid Ramona from appearing in the video, we are also expected to believe that she was just a “little” embarrassed by the massage. LuMan brings up a good point and asks Ramonzon how it is that she refused to do the music video because it was slutty, yet she invites sixteen year old Avery to join the burlesque underwear shopping and invites her to the dirty bird Sonja show?  After stuttering and pulling out a lame ass answer out of her ass, Ramona says it’s because it was a “private party”. So? That’s like saying because she invited her daughter to an orgy since it was a “private orgy” it’s ok. Right? EEEWWWWUUUOOKAYY THEN?!!

Miss Andy asks LuMan why she went into super confrontational asshole mode this season and why is she up Jill’s ass and defending Jill. Alex yells it’s because LuMan has  enough “dirt” on LuMan to fill a “landfill”. Jill calls Alex a bitch, but spells it out because small children may be watching?  What? OK!? What about all the shit these bitches were saying earlier?

Then, we see a diarrhea trail of clips with Jilliousy saying she is a “changed woman” and staying out of drama followed by scenes with Jill running her fat mouth about everybody’s business, and talking about EVERYBODY! From who is how old and where Cindy’s babies’ daddy is, to calling Alex a ‘fucking bitch’ for socializing above her level and pretty much just trying to insert herself into the drama like a fucking tapeworm crawling up a fat persons ass. Jill then gives a lame ass explanation about how she is blatantly “honest” and doesn’t give a crap what anybody thinks because she is not trying to do it to be mean she is doing it because she is repeating whatever Ramona has been saying all these years I AM WHAT I AM LIKE IT OR NOT I’M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN TOOT TOOT!! Ramona can’t believe this bitch has now crossed over to using Ramoner’s excuses for acting like a complete asshole to people’s faces for stupid reasons. Ramona was sitting there mumbling, bitch find your own excuses! I think the only thing that changed with Jilliousy this season is that she has learned to be a bigger irritating asshole who found other ways to use more useless excuses to be a complete bitch, so yeah she’s changed, for the worst! Jill tries to say that the grudge she has with Ramona is deeper and longer than the Bethenny grudge and she doesn’t think she can forgive Ramona. WTFUCK? Bitch you don’t make sense! Ramonzon is right when someone is doing better and has more money than Jill she gets “Jilliousy” and goes into full-fledged hurricane level bitch mode.

Gonzo confronts Jilliousy about the shit she talked about Gonzo when she did her disturbing dirty bird burlesque performance. And Jill tries to deny it and says that Gonzo was attacking all of them by calling them “bitches”. Gonzo then admits it by calling them “bitches” again. HA HA HA!!!  Jill says that she was just kidding and being cute when she made fun of Gonzo’s horrific performance! That’s just like saying she went up to Sonja’s plate of toaster oven weiner-dinner and farted on it, but since she was being funny it’s all good and forgiven.

Then Jill starts bitching at Alex for wearing white to the wedding and what a bitch she is for socializing at a party that’s below her social climbing lying ass, plus all the shit she talks about the Hamptons. Alex says she only used to go to the Hampton’s to get acting jobs. Kelly busts up laughing and the brunettes asks Alex what movies she was on? After stuttering and making some shit up, duh I was the duuuh, tree in that one movie eerrr… She gets laughed at some more. Andy asks Jill if she ever admits when she is wrong and surprisingly Jill apologizes to Alex for calling her a bitch, just to clean the slate so she can insult her minutes later with brand new crispy insults.

Alex screams at the brunettes and points at all of them yelling “IF I WAS TRYING TO SOCIALICE ABOVE MY LEVEL I WOULD STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL A LIABILITY!” Bigfoot Kelly again, bust up laughing this time she asks Alex “ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?” Yeah, she is bitch and you both share the same dealer remember?

Next, more Ramonzon and her addiction to Pinot Del Borracho we get to see clips of “junkie” Ramona demanding Pinot and almost going into “heroin addict” level seizures if no Pinot available. FUCKING WINO!

Ramonzon then accuses Jill of being an alcoholic that had to attend AA meetings and Jill loses her shit denying it and saying she went to AA to support a friend. Who Jill Zarin? Was that the friends name?

Gonzo and Alex stick up for Ramonzon and say she is not an alcoholic since the bitch only drinks one case of vino not three like Jill accuses her of; making Ramona only a drunkaholic which is better! SEE!

Jilliousy jumps on Ramonzon for the comment she made about Jilliousy’s step daughter being “deformed” and Ramonzon tries to defend it saying that means “blemish”. Then, Andy pressures her crazy ass to apologize to Jill’s daughter and surprisingly she does and she spews out a nice apology, but right after that pause to apologize to the innocent the war continues.

Ramona keeps getting stomped on for being a “functioning alcoholic” like Kelly calls her and Ramona finally admits to being a fucking drunk and says she is very happy with her addiction because she has a lot of energy and is a successful business owner eighteen years married and blah, blah, blah. I think all these bitches  need to be thrown together in a paper bag and go to Asshole-holic Anonymous.

Alex bitches at the Countless for calling her ass “Herman Munster shoes” and for correcting  everyone about having “Class” like a matronly prison guard and the other bitches are all six year old inmates. LuAss doesn’t give a shit and just sits there laughing at Alex like she is a dumb ass.

Kelly takes credit for the  ”Herman Munster shoes” and berates Alex for making poor fashion choices.

REALLY?! REALLY BITCH?? SO YOU’RE THE FASHION POLICE NOW??  I guess she made herself in charge of telling the other bitch how to dress when the only place her and Alex (also!) should be modeling those getups Kelly wears with no pants and the S&M crack-whore dress Alex had on at the party is at the runway (isles) of People Of Walmart.

Look at these bitches they both forgot to wear pants that day!

Here’s Kelly wearing her new running out in traffic outfit when she goes out to score some alley meth.

We also found out that Alex gave her nasty ass dress to LuAss and she donated it to some shelter cause or another and now a homeless bum is wearing it while searching for spare cans in the trash.

LuMan admits  and slips out that when her ass marries Peppi LaPoopie she will be giving up the Countess title. Peppi LaPoopie is probably  swimming  back all the way to France in fear by now. LuMan also says she is butt hurt the blonde bitches refused to be on her music video, but she should be happy because at least Kelly Behemoth sharted throughout the video leaving her Bigfoot asshole aroma to decorate it.

Next they all talk shit about Simon and what an asshole he is for mean tweeting. The bitches asks Alex if she is aware of Simon’s tweets and she says she sees like only 90% of his tweets, but not the other 10% where he tweets Miss Andy at midnight and tells him what a purty mouth he ass and how he would like to strech it! EEEWWW!!! OLD DRAG QUEENS!

And now let’s talk about the Morocco trip and why Ramonzon, LuMan and the rest of these Housewives are permanently 86th from Morocco and are not allowed to travel there anymore. EVER! That camel that tried to kill LuMan already told the other camels to watch out for these hags and if they come back they’re getting camel stomped and not just LuMan this time. That camel knew exactly what it was doing! LuMan gets all defensive about playing matronly prison guard and making everyone miserable with her dictator actions at the Morocco vacation. See that’s why the camel wanted to throw her off it’s back and pee on her and I wish it would of.

Ramonzon gets asked why she got these bitches 86th from Morocco with her rude comments and she proceeds to double insult that country by saying some crazy statistics about how it is a crappy third world dusty bowl. LuMan laughs her ass off about that insult since she is not over there right now where they would chop her penis off for laughing at shit like that.

Miss Andy asks Gonzo if she is racist for not trusting people with her luggage in another country and she gives him some lame answer, Miss Andy brings up how Gonzo doesn’t seem well-traveled because she acts ignorant like she hasn’t gotten out of the woods much. Sonja tries to defend that by saying that even when she visited the “Royal Palace” she was paranoid they were going to steal her luggage. This bitch doesn’t quit does she?!

Dumb ass Alex gets asked why she is such a nerd and got her ass beat in Morocco for no reason other than trying to fight Ramonzon’s battles to desperately kiss her ass while Ramona ran around with her real best friend Gonzo laughing her ass off  and getting blitz. Alex sits there like a doofus acting like she jumped in that mosh pit of snakes for her own pleasure. Sure bitch, sure whatever you say. Alex then calls LuMan a “thug in a cocktail dress” and offers her a T-shirt. LuAss laughs at her for selling T-shirts at the swap-meet like a loser, but Alex doesn’t care because she is going to make 120 million from those T-shirts. Jilliousy goes into a yelling tirade at Alex and yells at her repeatedly “I don’t care about you!”.

They also show the clip where Kelly was fucking  with Alex’s head when she told her to close her eyes. HA HA HA HA!!! I can’t believe she let that bitch stick her dick in her ear and mindfuck her sideways like that!  HA HA HA HA!!!! See Alex you can’t go up against beast like these on your own, you needed Bethenny there if Beth was theres that shit would of never happened because she made Kelly feel intimidated and stupid and it would of being Beth and Alex fucking with Kelly. And because Kelly only knows like two large words and she has to repeat them constantly to establish her credibility that she is an intelligent human and not a shaved ape like we all thought, she starts calling Alex “inauthentic” again, and again plus a “bad actress” because I guess in her pea brain she thinks that they are all on a scripted TV show. Then they all lose their shit into a full-blowned bitching tirade again like a bunch of “chicken heads” like Cindy calls them.

Miss Andy asks Ramona about Mario’s infidelities and reads an email that questions the fortune teller and Mario’s suspicious OH SHIT! reactions when Ramoner told him the whole fortune-teller prediction . Ramona sits there denying that shit and says she doesn’t believe what the fortune-teller told her, she says that Mario is a good guy and he is faithful to her even the time he porked that hoochie over the  pool table. Alex jumps in and says Simon also joined taking turns in the pool table gang-bang  and he totally wasn’t at the gay bar (later that night) because he is a “straight man”. HA HA HA HA!!!

Then Andy reads another viewer email about Alex’s droopy ass floppy “brawles” boobs and ask if she ever wears a “brawer”.  Alex points out that she is wearing one now.

Andy asks Cindy if her ass even knows her children’s name and she screams I HAVE A NANNY THAT SLEEPS WITH ME! Ok I didn’t see that one coming!

Andy then asks LuAnn if the Count knows her new boyfriend  Jacques Azoulay is Jewish? Does he know Jill is Jewish? Because LuAnn gets in bed with that bitch too. Cindy was confused about the comment, bitch didn’t watch last season.

We also find out that LuMan and her man go to the same barber shop to get their head done.

Andy saves the best question of the night for last  “How do you feel that Bethenny is worth 10 times more than all of you combined?”  LuMan tries to say some stupid bullshit about how Bethenny is still catching up to their money. Bitch she left your old ass in the dust, by like 40 million dollars looong ago! Jilliousy spews out all pissed off a obvious jealous comment that she doesn’t count Bethenny’s money. Finally none of them can take the jealousy anymore and all the bitches explode into a massive splatter of excrement. Poor Miss Andy will never be the same!

Ya habibi Bitches!

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Part one of this bitch slap fest began with Andy asking Ramona about her false alarm pregnancy and questions that bitche’s delusions on being capable of getting preggers with old ass dusty eggs. The brunettes roll their eyes when Ramona adamantly defends her so-called ‘young uterus’ and states AGAIN that she could of been pregnant, then she announces she is on her period. Maybe her last one, but it’s till her period.

After a diarrhea trail of fight clips, about how these hags love to pick fights at the ‘wrong place and wrong time,” we are dragged down memory lane to rehash the bitch slap fest where Sonja, Alex and Simon got into that mosh pit of a fight over the gay rights thingy that Simon was supposed to speak at, and Gonzo totally crapped on the podium making it impossible for Simon to give his speech without slipping on Sonja’s runny shit.

So to stir the shit pot and get the blondes at each other’s throat Miss Andy asks Sonja why she didn’t allow Simon to speak at the gay-rights event. Sonja and Alex discuss the events that took place and Sonja blames someone named bleep for the so called speech hijack Alex makes a weird ass comment about this person named  bleep and you can tell Alex is making all kinds of silly excuses and covering for Gonzo (probably the same way she makes excuses for Simon when he is yelling at her in cars) because for some reason now she doesn’t want to piss the Gonzo off and be out of the blonde gang.

Meanwhile the brunettes are talking shit among each other and somehow the insanity demons that control cooco for coco puffs Kelly’s mouth muttered the truth when she spewes out that ( I know scary)  Alex is sitting there allowing Sonja to insult her husband on national TV and just brushes it off like it’s no big deal. Magically and without splanation (misspelled on purpose!) Gonzo and Alex are suddenly besties and none of this shit matters because it was all a BIG misunderstanding and aliens took the real Sonja for a couple of weeks then brought her back and it was also bleeps fault! So not Sonja’s fault! Miss Andy keeps trying to poke the beast in the eyeball and brings up the fight where Gonzo threw that bitch out of her house for dressing like an S&M whore.  Again, all we get is Alex making up more lame excuses for Gonzo and saying that they “are good now” and the brunettes roll up their eyes at this display of bullshit. Kelly tries to explain the fight and what took place, but she can’t make sense or put sentences together so she just makes herself look like the incoherent mentally ill nut job she is, like always.

Alex tries to say that if it wasn’t for the useless fight they had,  marriage equality would of never been passed in the state of New York! Yeah, I guess thanks to the house flies of New York gay man can legally marry all credit goes to these screaming menopausal twats. REALLY? REALLY BITCH YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT? I guess we are all stupid here and are expected to believe that spoonful of horse shit just like the time she said she came from oil money. RIIIGHT!! OOOKKAAYY THEN!! Alex tries to say that bleep agrees with this and I suppose that’s why he doesn’t want Bravo to say his name on TV or admit he knows these skanks.

Because Jill is a grade A asshole  and I guess in charge of asking the questions now because she can take over Andy like that; she uses her king size ladle to stir that shit cauldron (still trying to get Alex and Sonja to scrap on each other) and asks Gonzo how she felt when Simon got up on her face. Jill is salivating at the mouth hoping those two ho’s will be swinging a bat at each other, but no such luck.

Kelly is asked why she calls Alex “inauthentic” and “weird” and she points out that Alex gets red blotches on her skin when she tries to argue with people. And Kelly says it’s because “I’m nice and I care” and “Cosmo voted me the ‘5 Most Nice Celebrity’”! Alex was sitting there thinking WFUCK? HUH?! What does this have to do with anything? Alex starts turning all blotchy again and Kelly starts freaking out like the baboon she is and pointing it out and shit; and Alex still can’t get her point across. Next.

Time to ask Gonzo why the fuck she is so delusional and lives in her wealthy past pretending she still rich when she is actually a broke ass and looking like a fool after getting sued for that John Travolta movie that never got made. Sonja then loses her shit and cries because her marriage felt apart and it wasn’t the financial stuff that hurts it’s the marriage and the fact that it fell apart. Now, that bitch deserves an academy award. I would be crying the same way too if I lost my big ass paycheck like that. Good thing she is saying all this bullshit about how she loved her husband and he was kind blah, blah, blah. See this way in case other future potential sugar daddies are watching this she may be able to fool them and think she is actually marrying them because of love and not gold digging their ass. That’s good.

Gonzo is asked why all the lavish parties at fancy restaurants  if she is so broke, but Gonzo defends that by saying she gives the restaurant’s publicity because she is a “restaurant consultant”. I didn’t know waitresses are called “restaurant consultants” now. I’m sure those restaurants love being associated with the loud mouth screaming bitch fest followed by a camera crew filming this circus these bitches bring to their restaurants. NICE!

Sonja confronts Kelly on calling her house dirty and disorganized, but Kelly doesn’t back-down and insist Gonzo lives in a pigsty.  Just to deny it minutes later confusing Miss Andy. Even LuMan tries to back Gonzo up by calling Kelly’s original comment inappropriate.

Andy calls Kelly out about her house and asks her who paid for it and Kelly admits it was her sugar papa (the one that dumped her for being crazy) and the bitch says she is not calling Sonja out on who paid for her house, but more on her house being dirty. Kelly is lucky her sugar papa paid for that house or else this bitch would be homeless and having to give hobos hand jobs for a hit of their crack pipe.

Cindy who’s been sitting there saying nothing the whole time with her horse teeth sticking out of her wide open mouth being dead weight like usual suddenly jumps in and agrees with Kelly that Gonzo is delusional and puts on “airs”. Cindy tells Gonzo that she shouldn’t act like her shit don’t stink and look down on people and then expect people to feel sorry for her when her face hits the pavement.

Next Miss Andy brings up Ramonzon’s Pinot Grigio addiction and Jill makes a snide remark about the whole fiasco with Ramona wearing white to that one wedding. Alex tries to jump in, just to be told by Jillious to shut the fuck up  and stay out of it ending with Jill calling her a “fucking bitch”. Jill has changed. Into a bigger bitch.  HA HA HA!!!

Bethenny gets brought up and Jilliousy tries to say that the other ho’s were jealous of her relationship with Beth and insinuates that Ramona wasn’t helping. Andy is confused again because he has FOOTAGE of Ramonzon trying to arrange a meeting between the Skynny Girl and Jilliousy to fix things up, but asshole Jilliousy didn’t want to work it out, her plan to fuck with Beth’s emotions for a minute backfired and Beth got tired of the mindfuck games Jilliousy was playing so Beth said FUCK YOU! And walked and now Jilliousy is just pissed because her manipulation little games didn’t work on Beth. That’s why she is sad the friendship wasn’t salvaged. Not because she loved Bethenny. But whatevs she’s got 120 million a hot man and a baby. Happiness is the best revenge. Jilliousy tries to say she is scared of Bethenny and hopes Bethenny is scared of her too! Not so much bitch!

Ramona is confronted on her big mouth with no filter and she tries to say that she doesn’t say shit to be mean she is honest or whatever. So she just does it to help people, right?

The day that Miss Andy lost his shit!

The brunettes keep shutting up and beating the shit out of Alex calling her a fucking idiot and what not. And Jill accuses Mario of being a cheater while Ramona says that Jill’s husband is not as good as Mario.  And when the men get brought up bitches be going crazy so Ramona and Jilliousy channel their inner 5th grader and start calling each other loser, LOSER! LOOOSER!!! LOOOSER!! It all went to apeshit town and Andy kept trying to ask questions, but these “BEAST” wouldn’t “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” And Miss Andy lost his shit and yelled at them to “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”  “BEAST ALL OF YOU!”. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! That was a beautiful moment! I knew someday this would happen. I wonder if next time he is going to roll up those cards he holds, like a newspaper, and smack them in the head like a dog that  peed on the couch. That was a whole lot of crazy.

Next we see a montage of the blondes and Gonzo’s Jello ass. Andy asks Sonja why she is a nasty ho’ who keeps loosing her panties and insisting on showing her dry “vagonja” Why does he even asks her this? She already admitted to being embarrassed for being broke than for being portrayed as a crazy horny  bitch that likes to put her ass on display.  So being an exhibitionist ho’ is perfectly fine and not embarrassing, but being a broke ass is.

Kelly accuses Sonja’s “vagonja” of being “rude” to Kelly while at the vagina toaster oven photo shoot. Sonja’s “vagonja” queefs out an insult at Kelly and admits that she was just being “honest” and called Kelly a dick. That’s why Kelly is permanently traumatized and scarred beyond repair by Sonja’s “vagonja”.

Next Bravo tries to convince us Kelly isn’t crazy and they are hopping we forgot her “breakthrough” at Scary Island by showing us a trail of Kelly scenes where they try to edit the bitch as  sane and the “voice of reason,” but it fails. Miserably.

Kelly gets called out by Alex on the whole henna tattoo incident and talking shit about Gonzo’s pig sty. Kelly says she doesn’t know what this bitch is talking about and keeps treating Alex like an idiot while Alex keeps breaking into boiled lobster hives. This can’t be healthy for this bitch if she comes back next season for more abuse, then she is an idiot because these bitches keep “railroading” over her.

Andy brings up Kelly’s past relationship where she claimed she was beat up by the boyfriend and Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk about it and that her ex-husband “saved” her. But the whole thing with her beating that one guy up gets swept under the rug.

Kelly also says she is not jealous of Bethenny who can now crush her with her 120 million dollar wallet. I wonder if Kelly convinced herself yet that she is NOT jealous of Beth.

Now it’s time to fuck with Horse Teeth and we see a montage of her teeth. And the shit starts between Ramona and Cindy over the whole cigar and dead mans suit argument and Ramona asks Andy is he would wear a dead man’s suit and Andy is all EEWWW!! NO! Alex keeps trying to stick her spoon in just to get told again to shut the fuck up and stay out of it this time by Cindy and Alex yells bitch “YOU NEED TO GET LAID!”. HA HA HA HA!!! TRUE! She acts a little tense doesn’t she? Was the last time her “vagonja” got some action when they got those babies out of there? So is this mean since Cindy owns those pubey waxing spas (and she must get waxed all the time) her “vagonja” is all waxed up and nowhere to go? HA HA HA!!!

And Cindy sits these with her horse teeth sticking out of her mouth AGAIN while flies are going in and out and says NOTHING because she knows Alex is right.

Cindy then confronts Gonzo on the “pecking order” comment, but Jill pulls her leash back because for some reason she doesn’t want Cindy going after Gonzo. WEIRD!

Then the “conference call” in the kitchen that ruined the breakfast gets brought up and Cindy insist she wasn’t being rude and Gonzo knew about the call. Kelly takes Cindy’s side and the Countless says Horse Teeth was rude to take that call and she is appalled. Cindy even barks at LuAss when she tries to tell her to chill and she looks like she is about to chew each of these bitches heads off and shit down their necks. Doesn’t LuAss know that you don’t try to calm a beast down when it’s all riled up or it will bite you?

Then Ramona and LuAss get into it about Ramona calling LuAnn a bad mother and what-not, then she keeps on bringing up how many times LuAnn’s daughter Victoria has moved schools and Jill then goes apeshit and yells at Ramona to stop fucking with people’s kids or she will tear her a new asshole. To be continued.

 Check out the video above, it was hilarious and horrifying at the same time!

Remember Lizzie Grubman?  The woman that Ashley Holmes works for (for free), remember when Ashley flipped out in front of her and Jacqueline in that one episode because she has to drive to the city to her no pay-job and that’s why her step dad bought her a car (again). Well, that bitch declined an offer to be on Real Housewives of New York, because they can’t film you snorting lines of meth according to her she is too busy running over people with a car her PR firm and having a life to do this bullshit show.

Bravo is thinking about replacing the whole skank team with new fresh hotter meat. So that is exactly why I don’t understand why they asked Lizzie Grubman’ to join in the first place? WTF?

When she made her appearance on that one episode with Ashley she looked like she had been up for eight nights straight, with her nose in a mirror taking breaks every now and then by picking the scabs off her face.

From New York Post:

Also in other news because Kelly Looney Tunes is crazy I guess that bitch is saying she misses Bethenny Frankel now, and she is happy that Bethenny is doing well. THE FUCK? 

Here is what she told Eonline:
 

 Well I guess that’s good, maybe she stopped taking the chemical jelly beans and just went granola and that calms the psycho.