This season was Sheree Whitfield’s last call for major sass, and even thought she was starting shit with bitches left and right in order to keep stirring the drama stew; Sheree still got the boot to the ass and Bravo send her packing. Cynthia Bailey felt she had to give her expert advice and supports Marlo Hampton as a Sheree Whitfield’s replacement because she believes Marlo in all her tacky ‘f’ bom-dropping, white sugar-daddy hustling,  label claiming glory is all kinds of exicting.  Cynthia also says that she is not threatened by the NeNe/ Marlo friendshit (because that’s what NeNe told her to do.)

Cynthia told the Hollywood Reporter:

“I think Marlo is definitely very entertaining for the show,”

“I like shooting with her just in terms of Marlo as a cast mate,” she continues. “Whenever she’s in the equation, things always take a different turn than what they thought it was going to be. So, Marlo would be really, really great to throw into the mix and see what’s going to happen. Things usually are always a little different when she is around. I can honestly say that South Africa would not have been the same if Marlo Hampton had not come on that trip.”

“I am so absolutely fine with NeNe and Marlo’s relationship,” she says. “I think it’s great. Marlo and I are two different people. My relationship with NeNe is very different from hers. They do their thing; Nene and I do our thing. NeNe and I both have different friends.”

“I’m fine with NeNe being friends with anyone. The friend contract never said you couldn’t have other friends,”

I wonder if she will still be happy with supporting Marlo for the show after the bitch tries to cut her?

According to Media Take Out and Straight From The A, Sheree Whitfield got the boot to the ass by Bravo executives who told her they would no longer be needing her crazy for next season. Supposedly Sheree was flown to NY for some Bravo party thingy and before the events started they told her she was fired. Sheree then, lost her shit, started crying like a little bitch and begged for her job because this is all she has going in her life.

Apparently, Bravo got tired of this broke bitch faking it because she was not making it, since they caught on that she didn’t even have proper bedding for her children in her house (air mattress) lack of furniture and don’t forget the Bullshit By Sheree plot of land purchased in Sheree’s mom’s name where an illusive mansion with a roller rink and all this other fancy shit was supposed to be build but in the end the mansion was never produced and Bravo got tired of this bitche’s lies.

Not to mention the fact that,  She-Man innitally denied having a grown daughter and referred to Tierra as a ‘family friend’ all of the sudden because her punk ass didn’t have an interesting story line she decided that Tierra was her daughter and wanted to include her on the show hoping to have more of a story line. Sheree also got into a big bitch fight with her pocket gay/hairstilist Lawrence whom she fired because he fucked up her fake hair and went bald so now the bitch has nothing NADA not  gay bestie and not even NO hair. Poor Pendeja.

Rumors have swirled that this ho’ took all the money that her ex gave her and blew it on an Aston Martin  that was later repoed and on all kinds of expensive handbags and other stupid shit while her kids slept on the floor and went to school barefoot.

Also according to Straight From The A they noticed that in attendance to the Bravo event the only bitches photgraphed were Cynthia Bailey, Kandi Burruss, NeNe Leakes and Phaedra Parks. Missing was Kim Zolciak but she is getting her own show and apparently doesn’t leave her house, Marlo Hampton who isn’t even an official cast member and Sheree Whitfield who was more than likely crying in the bathroom when Bravo told her she was fired. Poor bitch!

Phaedra and her mom hang out at her kitchen and feed little baby Ayden. Phaedra tells her mother how she wishes Apollo would just get on board with the funeral home business so she can finally fulfill her fantasy of becoming the next Adams family Morticia and leave this legacy to little Ayden. Because that’s the only reason why Phaedra would want to leave her lucrative profession as a lawyer for strippers and porn stars and move to 0001 Cemetery Lane and start a funeral home. Apollo doesn’t want anything to do with this creepy funeral business. He may see people he knows there, since his current business involves scenes and situations from Too Fast Too Furious an’ all.

For some reason I thought Cynthia and her husband Bitter Peter were going to some counselors office while they wait at some place because the two of them are biting at each other (and not in a good way) but instead they are going to some dance lessons. Odd place to get into an awkward argument at. Cynthia is all pissed off at Peter for ditching her at that agency opening party she threw because Uncle Ben was too busy hanging out with some girl named Betty Crocker, from the pool party the night before. Bitter Peter tells Cynthia if she don’t like this marriage to get off the train at the next stop.

Cynthia and Bitter Peter keep bickering and airing out their dirty laundry. Suddenly some dance instructor lady comes out to teach them how to move their left feets without each other trying to lead or else they may try to continue killing each other.

Kim is bitching and complaining that baby Kroy pees on all her designer clothes (that Big Poppa more than likely bought as well as her tacky ass furniture) her daughter Kim Jr Brielle  is mouthy and doesn’t want to help her put away the Versace china (that Big Poppa bought her).

However, little Arianna is helpful and willing to make her momma happy because she knows who to suck up to so she can get Kim’s golddiging money when Kim dies that Kim earned while on her back or all fours. That little girl is smart. Brielle is acting out because she wants to test her mom and Kroy.

I feel sorry for Kroy because now he has to play dad to a spoiled kid that he hasn’t known for that long and the worst part is he jumped in this dad business right when Brielle got the teenage horns that come out of their skull when they turn 14, after the horns come out the head starts spinning and they start talking back so you need special holy water to handle that shit. Poor Kroy God be with him.

Kandi  and Lil Ronnie head to Tennessee to work on writing some country songs with her new country star friend Jo Dee Messina who moves almost all of Kandi’s songs words around to make it sound more country. But Kandi has a country voice when she sings. Kandi is all nervous that Jo Dee doesn’t like her songs, but it all ends up well when they compromise since that chick Jo Dee is pretty cool and laid back. Kandi rubs all of Jo Dee’s country music awards for good luck. Later on Lil Ronnie buys Kandi her first cowgirl hat and some boots. Kandi is now an official cowgirl.

NeNe hangs out with Marlo who is confronting NeNe about making the fugly double ass monster with Charles Grant. NeNe denies it and says she only had a drink with Charles (maybe they did bump fuglies but the two fools where so drunk they don’t remember what happened?)

NeNe says that Charles never ever saw her “Hello Kitty” and Marlo tells NeNe that the rumor of her and Charles better not come back true because Marlo is an ex-con who’s been arrested 7 times and did time for beating up a girl. NeNe’s eyes bulge out with fear and so instead of fighting with Marlo she decides to invite her to go shopping with her. Later on the two Amazonian hot messes go shopping together and they bond. I think NeNe is keeping this dangerous ex-con on her good side.

Sheree shows up at Kim’s rented mansion with yoga mats and healthy vegetable snacks. Kim whose idea of keeping her chunky ass slim is going to the doctors office to have the cottage cheese fat removed from her tights via vacuum suction system, is not happy with the idea of having to do planks on the floor on a mat because that takes effort (with an “A”) that her princess fat ass doesn’t want to have to put out because she has to conserve that energy to have Kroy plank her on the floor instead.

What Kim doesn’t understand and Sheree was trying to explain to her beast ass (the same way Phaedra tried to explain the law to Sheree previously) is that she is now married to an athlete with a tight ass who is around hot cheerleaders so homegirl needs to keep up.

Sheree also drools over Kroy while doing planks in an effort to encourage Kim to exercise. After like two planks because that’s all Kim can handle, Sheree tries to make that bitch some healthy veggie smoothies, but Kim bitches and moans that it tastes like crap even thought she ends up admitting it’s not that bad.

Kim also complains to Sheree about her difficult spoiled teenager Kim Jr whose head’s been spinning like the exorcist while she pukes green stuff on people and poor Kroy is in the middle of this mess trying to be dad. Oh well I am sure Brielle will come out of it and turn like Jacqueline’s Ashley so she’ll be fine! Kroy’s just gonna have to buy her a condo in California when she is 20 to get rid of her.

Later on that day Phaedra and her husband Apollo meet up with Willie Watkins to try and convince Apollo to be part of Phaedra’s fabulous funeral home that Phaedra will make the dead person the star of because she wants “to do funerals worth dying for,” and turn a funeral into fabulous “Events! Not just throw ‘em in the ground. Let’s throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!”. Apollo wanted to puke when he toured the embalming room (I kinda did too I have that same puke gross creeped out of dead people thing this guy has) Phaedra admits that she is into vampires. TOLD YA’ SHE IS GOTH!

Apollo thanks Willie Wonka I mean Watkins for the tour and after Willie and Phaedra share a few more creepy laughs together Apollo and Phaedra leave and Apollo says he will think about it. Meaning HELL TO THE NOOOO!!!

NeNe shows up at some chi-chi fund raiser Marlo invited her to, for some Captain Planet save the whales or something or the other thing. Anyway, NeNe meets another Viking Amazon like herself who is trying to peddle NeNe the earrings she designed inspired after the “Italian” (really NeNe?) Dalai Lama. Did y’all see “Miss Tall’s” mortified face when NeNe thought the “The spiritual leader of Tibet” was some Italian hippie dude or some shit?  And Marlo didn’t catch on to that! HA HA HA HA!!

After Elizabeth Dewberry realized the intellectual “chameleon” genius she was dealing with (that wasn’t going to buy any of the super expensive, high class, yard sale items available that day) she jumped out of the scene hoping to NOT be filmed anymore. If you’re gonna be a “Chameleon” learn some basic culture about the type of stuff these rich ass donation peddler fucktards are babbling about. Watch History Channel or something. PAY ATTENTION PLEAZZZEEE!!!!

Later on , Apollo shows up at Phaedra’s office with a bouquet of flowers and tells her he wants to discuss going into the funeral business with her. Phaedra finds a way to convince Apollo to be sucked into Phaedra’s necrophiliac vampire fantasies by appointing him the hottie that will be comforting young hot girls in mourning. Phaedra’s a freak! HA HA HA!! She will pimp her husband out she don’t give a shit, I like that bitch. With that offer Apollo decides quickly that he will be going into the funeral business with her after all. But, he is not touching no dead bodies! Somehow Phaedra found a way to make him part of her goth adventures. But failed to make him agree to touch the dead people. Looks like Phaedra has more work to do!

Next Cynthia and Uncle Ben go to real counseling (as foreshadowed earlier when they went to the dance lessons.) Bitter Peter appears to be trying to be a good husband and hear when he is wrong. Except when Cynthia yells at him to write shit down because he has old timer’s disease and can’t remember shit with his “dinosaur” brain. In the end Bitter Peter tells Cynthia he loves her and they kiss and make up. Until next fight.

On a recent interview by Sheree Whitfield she dishes on her dating dilemmas, apparently every single straight male in the ATL has boycotted  dating  Sheree and I’m sure her bitchy demanding demeanor had nothing to do with it. She says she has to pick up guys that perhaps live under a rock and have no televison while she is on the road  “And of course, there’s no dates in Atlanta so I have to get it in when I travel,” Sheree hasn’t found a good wallet to fuck on so far, “I haven’t found anybody special, but I do try to, you know, meet different people.”

Sheree was currently spotted with Kermit Quinn from Blackstreet and dating rumors started swirling, but Sheree shuts down those rumors and says Kermit is just a “good friend.” She also complains about how she “can’t even be seen with guys!” because the media is always assuming she is dating a guy just because she was seen with him. Also Sheree admits she has a “celebrity crush” on Kobe Bryant and in her sad little head believes he is a “great guy.”

Sheree would also like to be stranded on a desert island with her two “funny as hell” ho’ stars Kim Zolciak (so she can pull her wig when she gets island fever) and Phaedra Parks because she has a  “good head on her shoulders” and also Sheree can bitch her out about being useless (just like she criticised her lawyering skills) and not building her a mansion from sticks and twigs while they’re all playing Gilligan’s Island.

Also she is apparently bringing back from the dead her clothing line that bombed “She by Sheree got very, very expensive and I put a lot of my money into it. It is my passion, I love fashion,” and will reincarnate it as a fitness line with DVD’s to go with it. “I’m actually in talks with a couple different people on bringing it back as a fitness apparel line. She by Sheree fitness with a DVD, kinda moving into the whole health and fitness arena.”

Delusional Sheree complains when she goes on  the few pity-dates with the couple of men she paid and all they want to do is talk about the show, since she is such a big starlet an’ all. “Guys, when we go on a date – I don’t wanna talk about the show the entire date. I don’t wanna talk about those girls!” She adds “If you’re trying to date me, court me,” and she also hints that on the show she is playing some kind of a bitchier version of her fake self, “Let me know that you’re interested in me, not the girl you see on the show.”

And you know how Peter and NeNe seem to have such a cozy friendship on the show? Well according to rumors by Meditatakeout those two clowns used to bump fuglies and Cynthia has no idea ala Alexis Bellino. No one knows if this happened prior or during NeNe’s marriage to Gregg.

From Mediatakeout:

The insider, who is a former COLLEAGUE of Peter’s tells us that a few years ago Peter and NeNe used to DATE!! The insider explained, “This was BEFORE he met Cynthia. Peter was a ladies man and dated a lot of women, NeNe was one of many . . . it wasn’t serious.”

And it gets better, the insider claims that Cynthia HAS NO IDEA that Peter and NeNe have a history. The insider added, “Peter is not one of those KISS AND TELL guys, I’m sure he never told Cynthia.”

Sheree takes her ex-husband Bob Whitfield to court to demand child support because the 113k yearly and the 775k lump sum wasn’t enough for her to pay for her Gucci’s and 20 thousand dollar purses, plus Aston Martins. How does he expect this bitch to live? Get a job? He is flipping out of his mind Sheree can’t do that. Sheree is nervous about going to court with Bob, since she knows the courts have records on the lump sum and other income he has already forked out and she knows the judge may laugh at her ass out of the courtroom AGAIN for wasting their time.

Kandi Koated Nights  is on the air with her crew and has invited Marlo Hampton and Charles Grant as guest of her radio show and to talk about “How To Hook A Baller” as well as to grind Charles about his brief one-night stand with NeNe Leakes. Charles sits there denying everything because he doesn’t want Marlo to smack him upside down his head. Charles thinks all the pathetic ho’s in the ATL put out too soon and carry themselves like “hookers” so they get treated like one. Right after that, he asks Kandi what her favorite position is,  just to see if she answers like a “hooker.” And she does.Then, he talks about how broke-bitches in the land of “pretend” are walking around in their Gucci’s and getting in a Honda Accord.

Kandi starts harassing Marlo about how she affords her expensive life style and Marlo says some shit about being blessed with a white sugar daddy who supports her ass. Kandi starts laughing her ass off out loud because she knows exactly how Marlo got her money. Marlo then tries to be clever and answer Kandi’s question with another question about how Kandi gets her money. Kandi rightfully brags that she is “talented” and by that she means real talented not lay on your back talented, like Marlo is.

Cynthia drags NeNe to shop at some God-forsaken second hand store to purchase dresses and used panties. NeNe says she ain’t putting on no nasty clothes someone else had on their armpits and crotch because the clothes may have crabs. Cynthia doesn’t care if she catches used clothes ass-lice and purchases several dresses and granny panties. Then, she starts asking NeNe if she gave fugly ass Charles some of her Hello Kitty, NeNe DENIES, DENIES, DENIES. Then she yells “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” Cynthia wants a lie detector test.

Kim and Kroy are taking baby Kroy home and Kim is bitching, nagging and complaining at Kroy because her “twat” hurts and he just has a “yes dear” attitude about it. Kim is lucky to find a man that puts up with her crazy. For now.

When they arrive at home, Kim’s little dog Chanel and her daughter Brielle are pissed off that the new baby is taking their spotlight. The baby poops on the bed and Chanel pees on the floor. Brielle was thinking about pooping the floor too. The only helpful mature one was little Ariana, who is excited and willing to help with her new little brother.

Sheree is modeling court clothes for Phaedra. All of her clothes are  expensive  designer labels and showcase her “donkey booty” waaay too much and this turns Freakdra on. Then, an alarm goes off and it keeps repeating real loud SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!! SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!!. Plus Sheree just bought an expensive Porshe and she wishes to drive that to the court-house to piss off the Judge, who doesn’t even make enough to buy a pimp ride like that. Phaedra tries to reasonably explain to that beast this shit she is trying to show off is just going to backfire on her “donkey booty.” But, Sheree is not listening and is willing to show up while clad in Dolce and Hermes bags that cost the same as a “Toyota Corolla”.

Kandi is meeting with a dildo making lady at the crowded Red Beaver restaurant in front of God and everybody, during the busy lunch rush hour. Dildo lady brings a box of dildos she tried herself earlier and everyone in the restaurant is watching. Then, dildo lady tells Kandi to smell the dildo that she used earlier did y’all see that guy looking at them all excited I think he wanted to join them or something.

Kim is at home bitching at everybody to not sneeze on the baby and yells at Sweetie who is playing around trying on Kim’s wigs and not washing them. Brielle gets in trouble with mom over stabbing her little sister with a spork-fork. Then, we find out the school system in Atlanta is purposelly teaching kids to misspell Effort wiht an “A.” Boring, next.

Next, we find out that Sheree was avoiding payment of the five thousand dollar retainer that she owed Phaedra.(I guess her services are not free anymore.) Dind’t Phaedra read the blogs  about this trifling ho not paying her lawyers fees? Phaedra would of taken half of Sheree’s handbag if she couldn’t produce the check.

Phaedras assistant tells Phaedra that she went looking for Sheree at the hair salon where Sheree was getting her weave done. Sheree was sitting there running her mouth gossiping away at the hair dresser about how she was getting her money from that bastard Bob.

When suddenly, Phaedra’s assistant shows up.  Sheree sees her coming the bitch yells OH SHIT!! Jumps off her seat leaving a stunned hair stylist holding a comb and a stapler, who just got abruptly interrupted by a panicked Sheree in the middle of a conversation, and was only done with the left side of her hair.

Sheree then proceeds to run through the back of the hair salon,(one side of her hair done the other side is all matted and nappy) and as she is running from Phaedra’s money collecting ho’ she pushes the chair where some old lady was sitting getting her hair did, in front of Phaedra’s assistant to cause an obstacle. Then she runs through the back of the hair salon in the alley and the bitch is running like a man running from the police all athletic and shit, like in those action movies where there is a hot pursuit, between cop and criminal.

The poor assistant can’t keep up with Sheree in those stilettos she is wearing (because you know she was) and Sheree has an extra advantage of having a third leg plus all that muscular testosterone She-Man was naturally born with doesn’t hurt. Sheree keeps running through people’s back yards, back-alley high walls, that only a man with Sheree’s athletic skills could master like a pro, and Phaedra’s poor money collecting bitch is at a disadvantage and out of breath.

Eventually Phaedra’s other employee got the five thousand dollar retainer check. But it wasn’t easy. The poor bastard had to also go on hot pursuit of Amazon super athlete Sheree all like Dog The Bounty Hunter and shit. Except Sheree made this dude chase her while leaping through buildings. Bitch was like Spiderman, all jumping from one roof to the other while Phaedra’s assistant burly kept up. When he finally caught up with her, he tackled her and they got into a boxing match. Sheree was doing good too! Hitting him like a man and when he would hit back she would taunt him and yell IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??!! PUNK BITCH!!! That bitch is scary! Finally big boy got an advantage when he got her in a Taiwanese-wresting head-lock, and Sheree was forced to give up the check. You see, that’s what happened and why big dude was all dripping buckets of sweat and exhausted.

Kim’s parents are visiting so to see baby Kroy. Then Kroy finds out that Kim’s parents are brother and sister when Kim’s dad asks baby Kroy if he squeezes one boob while sucking on the other. Kroy looks stunned you know he is having the first red flag of doubt (plus there’s more to come!) And he thinks to himself I’M FROM MONTANA AND WE DON’T EVEN DO THIS SHIT!! And you can hear banjos in the background.

And now round one of, Whitfield VS Whitfield. After spending all afternoon, picking out the right outfit and boxing gloves, Sheree and Phaedra show up at court ready to put Bob in prison. Bob however spend the evening researching and filing a petition for contempt stating Sheree looted his house out of furniture and kitchen sinks that didn’t belong to her. That’s why he didn’t have time to iron his shirt and was “looking a mess.”

Master Attorney at Law extraordinaire Phaedra  Parks looks like a deer in the headlights. BLINDSIDED!! And outsmarted by an ex-NFL player. When she walks over to Bob to get his phone number (yeah, doesn’t Sheree have that already?) Bob starts flirting with her and checking out her “donkey booty” just to make Phaedra and Sheree feel more stupid.

Then he jumps out of his seat and runs amuck through the hallways of city hall sticking his tongue out at Sheree and Phaedra like the fat-cat that just ate the twenty pound canary.

Sheree says Bob outsmarted Phaedra because he knows how to read. Not to mention that, he represented himself and showed up looking like a bum.

Sheree blames the fuckup on Phaedra; and Phaedra blames the fuckup on Sheree. I see a future bitch-slapping festival in the horizon for these two ho’s.

NeNe and Cynthia are both raising hell in NYC. Peter is nervous to let Cynthia’s hot-ageless-ass  go to New York alone because he is insecure she may hook up with her ex-boyfriend Russell Simmons, whom she later meets up with and tries to get her into a flirting marathon with his crazy ass after he tells her that Papa Smurf’s white-beard is not sexy.

Cynthia doesn’t have time for the dumb games because she is in New York to discuss business prospects, you know, just in case Bitter Peter-Papa Smurf’s Magic Jelly-Bean Bar don’t work out and she has to grab her kid and do an emergency split from his broke ass. Bitch don’t want to end up in line at the soup kitchen.

Russell tells Cynthia to stop offering free sugar-doughnuts as snacks in the waiting room at the modeling school, in order to keep away the chubby girls who delusionaly think they can be models, and start offering meth on a plate as a snack option instead, to  only lure the seven feet-tall fifty pound girls who CAN be models. Modeling is a though world.

Sheree is with her mom Thelma at that empty lot, Sheree is hoping to turn into a luxury-shack.  Thelma is the one that bought this empty lot with HER money, but Sheree wants to pretend it was her that bought it. We find out that Bob has been using Sheree’s gift cards to feed the kids when they visit him because he refuses to support his own children. I think Sheree needs to take Phaedra’s offer and drag Bob by the balls to court.

Phaedra is in court defending some thug named Dave, that was driving with extra tinting of the widows and a bag of weed. He shows up baked, wearing street clothes and reeking like reefer. Phaedra is pissed that he didn’t follow her instructions on taking a bath and putting on his good pants. The judge lets him slide with a small fine and a don’t-do-this-shit-again-or-else threat because Phaedra’s “donkey booty” knows the judge pretty well. When they all leave the courtroom Dave pays Phaedra with cash and a half blunt. She should of demanded the full bag of weed as payment plus whatever cash he had in his pocket.

NeNe is having a lunch meeting with her new “business partner”  John Kolaj who is smitten by Miss Lenethia Leake’s charms. John is the guy who owns Famous Famiglia Pizza and supposedly has lots of moneys which Miss Lenethia likes even though he is a major DOOORK. I feel sorry for any teenage kids this fool may have because I can just hear them yelling, “NOO DAD NOOO YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!” Because of that awkward-trying-too-hard-to-romance-meeting he had with NeNe were he  went full on Italian on NeNe and even brought some singing dude that came out of retirement because he apparently owed John a favor (meaning Johh was going to bust a cap in his old ass if he didn’t sing.)

Pobretcito, John must have some undiagnosed mental illness if he is falling for Amazon NeNe, but then again he is good to NeNe he showers her with expensive 1000 dollar shoe-gifts, Tiffany pens for the million dollar deals,  dinner and song. I say TAKE IT NENE, THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO BITCH! Those Italian men, always trying to wine-dine and sixty nine a girl and NeNe fell right into it. Nice! I want to see more of their awkward interactions.

Kandi obviously made up with Mama Joyce, who is getting ready for her dating picture on Sexy Seniors.com. Kandi helps her momma out by squeezing her in a Chorizo encasing girdle that is obviously cutting off Mama Joyce’s circulation. After making her mom up to look like a “drag queen” she poses on a hot-rod. Mama Joyce is a hottie!

After a brief cigarette break, Kim is ready to go to the hospital to birth lil’ Kroy Jagger Meister Jr. The nurse asks Kim a bunch of health questions and the bitch has an asshole attitude about it because she is lying through her yellow smoker-teeth to the nurse when she tells her she is a “non-smoker” the nurse wanted to smack the dirty wig off Kim, while she was thinking BITCH, I WATCH THAT SHOW YOU ARE A CHAIN SMOKER! I thought Kim said ”chain smoker” not “non-smoker” when she answered that question. Even Kroy looks confused when he hears this heap of bullshit coming out of Kim’s mouth. The nurse then, asks Kim: ARE YOU WEARING THAT DOG WIG WHILE DELIVERING? And Kim was like YEAAHH, I’M THE KIMSTER.  She even had Sweetie carry her Poodle-hair wig with her. I mean c’mon of course she is going to wear that shit even while pushing that baby out. What did this nurse want for Kim to be bald while delivering? WTF?

All this time Kim was verbally abusing poor Kroy since thanks to him she is in this ordeal now. Poor Kroy was just looking confused and scared Kim kept complaining that he didn’t look nervous even Kim’s daughter Brielle knew he was “dying inside” but Kim wants to be an asshole. That’s alright though, I guess since she is giving birth she has every right to be an asshole and curse her ass off. When little Kroy Jr gets farted out the first things he hears are his mother’s loud cursings. Finally, little Kroy is here to raise hell and everyone is happy including Papi Kroy Sr.

And now the moment of truth! Cynthia meets with a good friend Kithe (who lost a whole person weight-wise) for a drunken evening. Kithe knows Cynthia is not happy with her new life and marriage and he actually gets a drunken Cynthia who is Queen Of Denial to admit her life in Atlanta sucks, she regrets leaving the excitement of “cunty” New York and she hates being married to Bitter Peter! But we all knew that mess already, didn’t we?

After rumors about Sheree Whitfield being a broke ass who can’t afford to build “Chateau By Sheree” broke out, she now wrote on her blog disputing all those claims, and states that she’s never lost a house and that after her Aston Martin was repoed it was replaced by another vehicle she kept in her garage. She also made digs to Cynthia for being NeNe’s private attack-dog, and she also feels that “delirious” NeNe should pick up her rotted teeth and move her ass to Miami.

From Sheree’s Bravo blog:

The home building process requires a huge amount patience, planning, meetings, and self-control. People warned me that building a new home would be not only a huge headache but a slow detailed process, because contractors like to move at their own pace. To clear things up, Andrew is not my builder. He is someone that did some work for me in my clothing boutique years ago. We ran into each other when I began this project. I hired him to oversee the day to day progress when I am out of reach. Another story that I will go into later!

The Miami scene seemed strange to me. The house they toured was beautiful and in an ideal location. Miami is a pleasant place when the weather is nice. It would be a pleasure to have NeNe relocate there, but let’s wait and see if a purchase is made in the end. If so, I hope she remembers to put some furniture in there, art work on the walls, and books on the shelves, because she forgot to do that in the place she currently rents. NeNe made a statement that I hit below the belt. This woman is delirious. Remember, I have known her untruths, her misleading behavior, and evil ways for quite a long time and have kept them quiet. I personally would have never gone there had she not started in with me. I do agree that once you go there, you open up a whole new can of worms. I don’t think she want those worms let out. I didn’t start it, I only finished. The hateful, mean-spirited way she reacted took it way past any possibility of reconciliation in the future.

One last thing until my next blog, I have gotten a lot of comments and calls regarding our blogs. To me, the purpose of blogging is to speak on each episode and to comment on the good, the bad, and the ugly. The blogs are not for commenting on things that don’t pertain to an episode or “trying” to be hateful, spiteful, or to throw jabs about things you either are not privy to, were not around at the time, or lacking factual information about.

That brings me to Ms. Cynthia’s blog. She stated that the only thing she knows about me is that, “I lost a house, I lost a car, and I lost a man.” Well let me educate you, darling, because obviously ignorance is bliss. I have never, ever lost a house, nor was I repeatedly evicted from several houses (that was your girl). I did have a car that was paid in full seized, which probably cost the amount of your home. Please don’t get that confused with a repossession (again that was your girl). However, luckily for me, I had another car I could fall back on. Don’t you and Peter share a car? I would hate to have to drop someone off or wait for someone to be done to move forward with their day. I love my independence and my freedom to move about, thank God for my other car. Lastly, losing a man? Honey, you are too old to speak on things you have no clue about or were not even around at the time to know the truth about. Stop listening to the haters. If I received a penny every time people made a comment about you and yours, I’d be “rich” too! Now fortunately for me, I know my self-worth! I know what I deserve and what I will and will not put up with. And because of this, I left a man! Let’s get it straight. I decided to seek a divorce because I refuse to be in an unhealthy relationship. I believe in myself, my kids, and our happiness, and we deserved much better. Besides, being in an unhealthy relationship can lead to really dark eye circles, large bags, balding, and not to mention extreme low self-esteem. Honey, I don’t have time for any of that!

Cynthia Bailey feels that her sister Malorie needs to mind her own damn business and stay out of Cynthia’s marriage. After all Cynthia is a grown ass woman and if she wants to be with Bitter Peter and continue to supply him with hefty checks to dump into his failed businesses that’s her problem and not Malorie’s. Cynthia wrote on her Bravo blog:

Mal: My sister and I are 11 months apart and are very close. However, we are very different women. Different personalities, goals, dreams, and lives. I love my sister very much, but her interference with my marriage is a problem. I appreciate her concern, but at 44, I think I got this. I have no desire to make choices for Mal regarding her marriage, and I deserve the same respect. I confide in my sister because we are sisters. Not to be judged or criticized. I would never cross the line between her union with her husband unless she asked me to. I have had relationships my whole life, and I live my life the way I want to. I not afraid to win and I’m not afraid to lose. That’s life, and I live it to the fullest. Love you, Mal, but can you leave me and Peter alone?

Also according to Cynthia, she says that the Kimster and Kroy never gave her a wedding gift. Although, Kim insist they gave her broke ass a check full of cash:

Kim: I did NOT receive a wedding gift from Kim. If I got a gift, I would say that I did. I received gifts from Kandi, Phaedra, and NeNe. Why would I lie? To be honest, I never really cared that she didn’t bring a gift, her presence at the wedding was presents enough. The only thing that hurt me was how she insulted me by bringing her own wine and saying that Peter and I wouldn’t make it a year. I never got an apology for that. Well anyway, I apologize for Peter and Apollo bumping heads at her shower. Again, it was not the time or the place. Again, we did not instigate it in the first place. Again, I am happy for Kim and wish her well. I really have no issue with Kim. Now, can we move on about who brought who a present already?

This episode was about wieners.

To make up for her husband’s thug behavior during the Baby Shower that almost went to shit if not for the police, Phaedra comes to visit the Kimster while bearing gifts for the baby. Kims forgives Phaedra’s husband’s behavior, but she can’t help to slam Bitter Peter. Kim says that next time she is leaving the ex-cons and assholes out of the guest list. Sooooo is this mean she is telling Phaedra NOT to bring her ex-con husband next time?  Then the bitches start talking some boring shit about being pregnant and something about labor and Kim can’t wait to hit the hooch when that baby farts out. Phaedra says that labor made her “as crazy as a vampire in sunlight!” Told ya’ she was into that death goth shit.

Cynthia brings her sister Malorie to visit Bitter Peter at Bar One so that she can get into a shouting match with Peter. And a shouting match is exactly what happened.  Cynthia walks away and leaves Peter and Malorie to their own devices and they end up getting in each others face over Malorie and her mom keeping Cynthia’s marriage certificate so that the wedding don’t happen. Malorie hates Bitter Peter for good reason, but Bitter Peter unfortunately has a point about family members not butting into other family members marriage choices, but her sister also has a point about worrying that Cynthia married an asshole. So they both have a point.

Kandi is depressed that her ass is turning 35 and is at the party venue with Sheree and Phaedra who are assisting her in the process of her party planning. Phaedra can’t wait to unleash her BIG  surprise on the party goers.

Later on Kandi shops with NeNe and her pocket gay Derek J who happens to be an expert at walking in hooker stilletos . I gotta admit I am jealous of these bitches that can walk in hooker heels, my ass is damn near thirty blah, blah years old and still can’t walk in that shit and to see a drag queen be able to walk in those skank stompers pisses me off. I know, I know I will just cry into my flip flops.

The Kim situation gets brought up and Kandi says she hasn’t been hanging around that pregnant heifer lately since they don’t talk much these days. NeNe says she is not surprised at that outcome since Kim is a user and only wanted a hit song not a friend. Kandi says despite all the bullshit Kim pulls she is still happy for that skanky bitch (like we all are) because Kim finally stopped fucking on that old greasy Big Pooper Scooper and got her self a “young tender”  Uh-hum! NeNe gets jealous and says “that ain’t shit!” Young tender sounds like some sort of lunch special they sell at KFC for 2.99 with a med coke and some fries. I bet NeNe could go for one of those after all her shopping and changing clothes in the store and all that shit she does.

Kandi tells NeNe her ass best behave because She-Man-Sheree and Phaedra will also be attending. NeNe doesn’t like that shit, and says that She-Man doesn’t deserve the friendship of the grand Miss NeNe Leakes who is also “very rich” like a happy bitch.

Kim and her baby daddy Kroy are learning all about circumcision and have some lady expert come and teach them how to care for Kroy Jr and his little winky. Kim has said in the past that she was a nurse for babies in delivery rooms. I guess the bitch was lying since dressing like a nurse in the VIP room at the raunchy strip club is very different from being a nurse at the delivery room of the hospital.

Kim also lies to the nurse when she tells her that she doesn’t know what to do with a penis. REALLY??? I know the bitch is lying SHE KNOWS what to do with a penis. How else do ya’ all think she got rich dudes like Big Pooper and now Kroy supporting her ass it wasn’t because she is gorgeous or because she wears road kill wigs that have a mind of their own it’s because she knows what to do with a penis.

NeNe is visiting with Cynthia and Bitter Peter so that they can open up a bottle of champagne to celebrate their new club opening and talk shit. NeNe doesn’t like it when they pop the bottle so she hides in the corner with her hands in her ear like a fucknut. I can’t believe this crazy huge amazon bitch has the same bullshit fear I have of popping champagne corks. I act like a fucknut like that too. I hate that shit.

Peter is on the phone with some investor (he probably met behind the alley at the liquor store) and he is confrontational about a 40 thousand dollar check this fool wrote him that bounced to the moon. Maybe he should of told Cynthia to hold off opening that champagne. Well, looks like he is gonna have to ask Cynthia for the dough again. Although Bitter Peter,  is on the phone bitching this guy out he has to drop the call for more important things like opening up a bottle of champagne when its too early to do so. So Uncle Ben Bitter Peter hangs up on his so called investor and runs to the patio to guzzle champagne with NeNe and Cynthia. NeNe reveals her and Gregg are in good terms, as a matter of fact so good that they are banging again. How sweet, there is hope these two crazy kids may get back together.

Sheree and Phaedra and their “donkey booties” show up to Sheree’s empty lot which has been sitting there empty for months with no progress. Phaedra intimidates the contractor by putting her donkey ass in his face and blowing a smoke fart up his ass with a bubble blower and no prayer cloth, this way he knows she means business. I didn’t know you can be a religious lady of church like Miss Phaedra Parks and stick your donkey culo in some dudes face like that. Wow I guess they must be more liberal in churches these days the world has certainly improved.

Cynthia puts on her busted Phyllis Diller make up on, and is trying to get her modeling agency set up  with some Kmart furniture she picked up on sale. Her sister Malorie and her husband come over to argue with her some more about Bitter Peter help her. 

Malorie seems to be losing a lot of sleep over Bitter Peter and his schemes to suck money out of Cynthia’s wallet in order to set up failed businesses and so she brings that shit up . Cynthia gets all cheesed up and starts barking at her sister yelling about how her sisters marriage is fucked up too. Malorie’s poor husband is standing in the middle of the two women who are about to scratch each other’s eyes out and he has this “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!!” Look on his face.  After the blowup Cynthia can not even complete the project she started and thanks her sister and husband for nothing then, sends them home.

It’s the day of Kandi’s party, in attendance are Bitter Peter, Cynthia, Sheree, NeNe and Phaedra who left her husband at home so that he wouldn’t get all thug on Papa Smurf. Although  Phaedra left thuggy at home, she made sure she brought her prayer cloth, gun, jumbo size condoms, and a fucking tazer in case she has to ass probe NeNe, should that bitch get out of hand.

A huge box gets rolled in to the venue and Kandi sits down all excited and ask her moma to sit next to her. Little did they know the horrible thing that was about to jump out of that box. El RiDick-Culo blast opens the gift box and jumps out with his wiener in his hand to entertain the horrified guest.  Suddenly, the party turns into a fucking nightmare people’s eyes start bleeding as they are screaming in horror trying to scramble to get away from RiDick-Culo’s monster, hideous penis from hell. That thing looks dangerous. El Infamous RiDick-Culo then clears a path with his loaded fire hose and people are screaming and jumping out the way. He then dances for Kandi and sticks his dick in her drink. Kandi was horrified, but didn’t want to make a fuzz so she just pretends she is enjoying this hideous display of fugly.

El Infamous RiDick-Culo wasn’t even a stripper. That’s the story Phaedra wants us to believe. The Infamous RiDick-Culo was some street wino with a pissing problem, who got arrested one too many times, and Freakdra was appointed to defend him in court for shaking his wiener at random women on the streets and sucking on his own firehose. Then Freakdra who is the biggest perv in Atlanta noticed his unusual donkey dick and decided to hook him up with stripper gigs for her private viewing, as well as for other freaks in the Atlanta sex dungeons since his homeless ass couldn’t pay Phaedra the Freak the money for representing him in court for being a pervert and a weirdo. Phaedra is a pervert genius of smut. Too bad she didn’t use her genius powers to prevent thousands of people from seeing this scary ugly disgusting motherfucker run around with his wiener flapping around in the air. BECAUSE NO ONE NEEDED TO SEE THAT SHIT!! THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THAT!! WHY WHY???!!! MY EYES, MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!! His ass was ugly too.

Stupid Kandi sitting there acting like she is enjoying it. Did you see the bitch throw the dollar bills at him with a look of disgust in her face like she was about to throw up? Like I previously said she just went along with it to not piss off Phaedra and be polite.  NeNe said fuck this shit and took her eyes out of her sockets put them in her purse and drove home blind. Cynthia and Bitter Peter followed her blind ass to the car. I would of done the same thang. This was one of those times when everyone agrees with the NeNe. Kandi’s mother wasn’t too amused and she starts yelling “THAT WAS FUCKED UP!” I agree Kandi’s mother, I agree, that WAS some pretty fucked up shit right there and NO ONE needed to see that mess. I smell class action lawsuit coming towards El Infamous RiDick-Culo on behalf of all the people present at that party and the folks watching on TV. Phaedra is going to be busy.

NeNe decides to cause havoc in Miami and drags Cynthia and surprisingly Kandi along with her.  Kandi is suspicious as to why NeNe is inviting her since NeNe has stated in the past that she hates Kandi. If NeNe and Cynthia try to take Kandi for a boat ride in the Florida everglade-swamps with some rope and a cinder block I think Kandi should get worried. But it seems like the real reason NeNe wants to hang out with Kandi is to get the dirt on Kim, since Kandi and Kim are not in very good terms ever since Kim used Kandi to produce Tardy For The Party.

 Sheree takes her teenage son Kairo (whom she hasn’t seen for 6 months) shoe shopping. Sheree doesn’t know what size shoe he wears because the random crack-heads she leaves watching the children (while she runs around in public restaurants in  shouting matches with NeNe) keep jacking the kid’s shoe’s for a hit of crack and Sheree keeps forgetting to take the kid shoe shopping (since 2 seasons ago?) So it’s no wonder she asked him what size shoe he wears. He is lucky she remembered his name and didn’t introduce him as her “good friend” for over a whole season.

Phaedra seeks mentoring from the one and only Willie Watkins who is like the Willie Wonka of Funerals in the Atlanta. Phaedra is having a hard time convincing Mr. Watkins that she is cut out for the job because she looks “dead sharp” in the sexy short skirt suit she is wearing and must cover her legs with some sort of magical religious Southern Bell ”prayer cloth” of some sort that keeps away prying lustful eyes including Willie Watkins.

In Miami Kandi, Cynthia and NeNe are having their leisurely lunch and about to find out this is a ‘Ladies’ weekend alright when two friendly lesbians advise them they are having “Pride Week” and will like the ladies to join them. Cynthia is hoping they will run into Kim’s old flame DJ Tracey and NeNe says she is confused about why lesbians date other lesbians that look just like a boy  why not just date a guy instead? Crazy ass NeNe, this is the question I been asking myself this whole time because if I was going to “dip my foot in the lady pond” I expect a  lipstick, high-heeled-ho’ not a boy looking one, but to each her own I guess. NeNe says she is “strictly dickly.”

NeNe also brags about how ‘rich’ she is and has plenty of thousand dollar Trump bills to wipe her arse and fix her rotted toofers with. Kandi is not buying that bullshit and knows NeNe is new itchy butt-money and doesn’t know how to act with it. Kandi also believes NeNe is math deficient and doesn’t know the difference between thousandaire and millionaire specially when NeNe tries to show the other ho’s a nine-million dollar beach castle she is wanting to buy with her monopoly money since NeNe is convinced she needs to leave “Haterville” and move to Miami and join the Real Housewives Of Miami Lice to spice that bitch platoon up. Maybe NeNe should consult with some experts on how to move into that plush house; I am sure the very successful professional grifters Alexis and Jim Bellino can give her some advice on how to squat in that expensive beach shack for free since they do it all the time.

Later on  the trio decides to get their bikinis on and hit the beach while looking for stray-straight males. Kandi spots two  Frisbee- playing, balding-charming, tourist guys who are very happy and eager to play Frisbee with ‘the ladies’. When the women approached them the men had this “I will finally score with three hot black chicks” look in their face. I think they been praying for this for a while, but unfortunately when they try to make plans and take the ladies out for an fun evening they get shut down. Pobrecitos! Now they don’t have any wild stories to tell their buddies over that one time they had an orgy with three Atlanta old ass drunken-skanks.

Kim and Sheree meet each other for lunch and NeNe gossip. The two bitches are bitter they didn’t end up in Celebrity Apprentice so they too could yell at A-listers like Star Jones and Latoya Jackson in the same burning-bridge fashion NeNe did.

Phaedra is strolling along with her eye candy husband Apollo while they take little Ayden for a walk and Phaedra tries to convince Apollo to go into the funeral business with her. Phaedra wants him to help out with something she even gives him choices like for example, he can be the guy that picks up the dead bodies, or the embalmer or at least the dude that picks up the phone “Phaedra Goths Funeral Home you stab them we slab them!” but even that is too creepy for Apollo and his answer is HEEELLLLL NOOOOOO!!!  He don’t want none of that and then, he wonders why he didn’t marry Kandi instead since he would be more willing able and eager to help her with her Kandi Coated Dildo business instead. Even baby  Ayden was turning his head looking at his momma like she was crazy, baby Ayden was worried the bitch is gonna try and make him transport those dead bodies also. Phaedra says she will somehow make Apollo work in her funeral business even if she has to kill him herself, she also cannot bring herself to admit what her husbands current profession is since she doesn’t even know what that fool does all day.

Phaedra sort of admits (in a Phaedra type of way) that she doesn’t even know what the fuck Apollo’s job is, but it mainly consist of him disappearing for days, even weeks at a time, and coming back home hungry, with ripped bloody-clothes, smelling like cigars and hookers. Then, he lays around the house in a wife beater and eats canned-food and lunch meats because he don’t care what the hell he eats.

Finally Phaedra says Apollo told her his job involves “relocation and asset recovery”. In other words, REPO MAN. Yep, that’s the story he is giving the little woman and he is STICKING TO IT, (and the cops pulling him over had nothing to do with this either!) Repo Apollo could only get a job repoing cars since his current gangsta credentials and experience were the perfect match for a repo-man job. Also it was the only job he could get. But it looks like now suga-mama Phaedra will be cutting off the monthly allowance if he don’t get his ass in to vacuum dead bodies.

Kroy takes Kim out of the house and to dinner to give Sweetie time to prepare a surprise birthday bash for Kim’s 43rd I mean 33rd birthday.  Kim tells Kroy that once that baby comes out she will running to the nearest  botox-bar and fat vacuuming clinic  and Kroy just laughs about it because at this time he still thinks she is cute. Just give him a minute. Kroy gives the Kimster a chocolate diamond that cost a pretty 32k I guess Big Pooper wouldn’t get this for her, but Kroy somehow got it. I don’t understand.

The Kimster is now peeing every 5 seconds and her fat ass runs to the bathroom as soon as she gets home. The camera men follow her to the bathroom so we get to hear the Kimster peeing behind the closed door. When Kim comes out of the bathroom Sweetie and the gang jump out to surprise Kim who gets all startled and damn near has the baby there because she thinks NeNe is going to jump out of a bush and pull her pregnancy wig off.

Surprisingly Kandi has showed up to the little kitchen surprise party even though things are still weird between her and Kim. During the party all the ho’s join Kim on the NeNe gossip train and Kim says the bitch ate her toofer. After that they move on to talk about “hot sex” and who is having “hot sex” and Brielle is sitting there gagging. Kroy then gives Kim her next present which is getting a massage while the girls grill him about marrying old chimney breath Kim.

Kroy says he wants to take his NFL money, get out of ”Haterville” and run back to good ol’ Montana. Where he plans to open up an outdoor sports store and keep Kim barefoot and preggers. Kim don’t like that shit, and flips him off. One of the women ask Kroy if there is black people in Montana and Kroy says no. So all the other ho’s decide they are going with Kim and Kroy to boring Montana because they need to bring excitement there.

(Ok I promise the next set of late recaps will be housed in the pages area)