During the last episode of the Real HouseSkanks Of The OC , Tamra found out her boobs are still a size D and Vicki’s are double FF  Circus Teeties. While at the bra store Tamra yells out to the world that Briana eloped and is now doing it with her new husband. Vicki covers Tamra’s big mouth to shut it up because she is embarrassed her daughter ran off to marry since in Vicki’s mind (and what she tells everyone in town) Briana is still a virgin and holding her virginity until marriage ala Teresa Giudice style.

Then, Vicki sobs and admits the real reason she is pissed that Briana ran off to get married is because she messed up Vicki’s hope to run, control, stress over agonize and handle all of the aspects of Vicki’s  I mean Briana’s wedding; and if she could Vicki would also like to take control and handle all of Briana’s marriage situations after the wedding. So, this way Vicki can be happy. NOT!

Later on Slimey puts on some spandex (OH LAWD WHY!?) and heads out to ride bikes with Gretchen’s dad, this way he can also asks Gretchen’s dad for her hand in marriage. Gretchen’s dad response, first he laughs in Slimey’s face then he says something like: SHE IS A BIG GIRL, AND I DOUBT SHE’LL MARRIED A BROKE ASS SLIME BUCKET DEAD BEAT LIKE YOU, WITH  A TRAIL OF LEGAL TROUBLES WHO THINKS HE IS A STAR. So much for that!

Then, we find out it takes Gretchen four hours to cement on her makeup if not she looks like this:

Meanwhile Gretchen is having lunch with Tamra and her ears are ringing so she tells Tamra that she doesn’t want to marry loser Slimey because she knows he is a broke ass and all of his child support debts will become hers but, she keeps him around anyways so this way she can have a story line to sell us and someone to run to the store when she needs tampons, that’s what their relationshit is based on.

Then, they start talking about how Tamra is starting a gym without equipment only classes, (people can go on youtube and watch free exercise videos for that shit, just saying) and about how everyone will have to wear gowns to the Wines BY Wives event where Vicki will announce Briana’s recent elopement and later ambush Bri with an introduction to the new con man in her life whom her children haven’t met yet, even thought this asshole whom no one knows what he does for a living already knows all of Vicki’s email, Facebook and bank account passwords, not to mention the fact that, he drives Vicki’s cars around town and Vicki pays for his meals expensive hotels and designer clothes. These are the concerns Briana and all of America have but, smart business lady Vicki has no answers to these concerns. Like I said before, why doesn’t this desperate bitch just hire a gigolo instead?  They will tell her everything she wants to hear and is cheaper in the long run. Vicki may be business smart but street dumb. Truck driver tits Tamra seems to be more street smart but, Vicki who thinks she knows it all wouldn’t listen to Tamra’s advice when it comes to dipshit Crooked Brooks until her ass is on the street homeless, broke, toothless and wearing a barrel because Brook The Crook conned her out of all of her shit.

When all the other ho’s show up at the event Tamra brings her beardy son Ryan (who  is now a werewolf who rents-to-own couches) as her date, and we also find out that in OC NO ONE dresses up. WHAT?! I am confused here, don’t these bitches always run around wearing big hooker stilettos with their chi-chis hanging out and huge ass rapper-50 lb necklaces and shit like that? They are always dressed up. Well call me Billy and send me to the Beach in flip-flops(beach-billy) because to me it looks like they’re always dressed up ALWAYS.  Like HOOKERS working the corner but, they do dress up EVERYDAY so I don’t know why they’re saying they never do. OKAY THEN.

When all the ho’s arrive in their fancy dresses Baby Joker Face starts throwing her opinion around about how in the ghetto ass OC these bitches don’t know how to dress up fancy or how to behave at such foo foo la la events because someone already stuck their middle finger in the potato salad and blah, blah, blah.

While Baby Joker Face is standing there pointing out people’s un-fancy behavior her point is made when  banjos start playing  to announce that AlexAss is in the room, the bitch shows up wearing road kill, with a short skirt and is late because she couldn’t find her other braincell, the one that still kinda works.

Vicki forces her son Michael to go meet Crooked Brooks and of course Michael starts smelling bullshit right away.  Brooks gives Michael his selling pitch and tells him how he knows Michael is a great person and loves him blah, blah, blah. Then, the asshole has the nerve to bring up Briana’s elopement and is acting as if he is known Michael for many years, this pisses Michael off to no end and wants to punch this douche right in his mouth.  By this time the smell of bullshit was so strong Michael’s eyes are watery, he feels nauseous and needs to jump through the window, anything to get away from Brook’s creepy ass spewage. Michael finally makes an escape but the poor thing had a nasty taste in his mouth that lasted for days as if he ate a shit sandwich, after meeting that weirdo Brooks. POBRECITO!

Well Briana and her husband Mr. Briana J (Hi Nikki!) finally show up and before they meet Crooked Brooks, Vicki decides to do a big ass announcement that her daughter went off to Vegas to get hitched.  But, before Vicki gets to the point she is going on and on about Briana and the shenanigans she pulled,  so people thought some bad shit happened to her until Vicki says she got married and everyone was like OH THAT’S IT? BUT SHE IS FINE RIGHT? Gretchen wonders where Briana got the ‘brass balls’ to elope knowing who her monster, I mean mother is.

Surprisingly Michael learned of his sisters elopement adventures in Vegas from Facebook and thinks it was “shocking and disgusting” at least he knows who his mother is.

Later on Brooks turns up the creep factor and tells Vicki and Tamra how he admires, respects and looooves their sons who are pillars of society who will change the world whom he is only met like two minutes ago. Tamra wants to laugh and spit her wine in Brook’s face, I am surprise she held it together and didn’t spit on him, that was a miracle that took Tamra a lot of self restraint. Proud of her. What the fuck am I saying, NO I AM NOT! I rather see Tamra be Tamra the bitch hardly ever disappoints me with her no filter mouth. That’s why I love Tamra despite all the shit I talk about the crazy bitch, it is done with looove, I curl up my lips as I pronounce it loooove.

Finally the moment arrives for Brooks to go on full creep mode and meet Briana and Ryan. Briana wants to throw up the minute she hears the bullshit that’s coming out of this douche’s mouth and isn’t buying the cheap-swamp-lake creepy ass Hallmark asshole-sucking speech he is throwing at her. BRIANA DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT HIM BECAUSE SHE CAN’T! When Vicki insists that they get along Briana gives her a ‘fuck you’ attitude . Brooks can tell Briana can’t stand him and can see RIGHT THROUGH HIM and HE KNOWS IT.

Vicki keeps pushing that they all get along and says that her situation with Crooked Brooks is the same as Briana and Ryan. Briana flips out and says HELL NO IT’S NOT THE SAME! Vicki almost has a heart attack from her daughter’s latest telling that bitch like it is smack down disrespect and Brooks almost loses it. You can see it in Brook’s eyes that he is flaming pissed and his face says that he wants to get up be his true nasty self and yell some obscenities at Bri. But, suddenly he remembers where he is at and totally holds himself back because he has his eyes on the prize and doesn’t want to let Vicki’s kids mess that up.  We will see about that, since being on National TV is not going to help keep those skeletons in that closet of his, is only going to bring them out dancing.

Check out this video spoof from TVGasms.

On last night’s episode AlexAss invites Gretchen over to watch her Fox 5 news segment.  The same one where this ho’ supposedly interviewed some people that she couldn’t even pronounce their names, about how children get sexualized real early nowadays while her porn size tits where hanging out in these people’s faces and she completely bulldozed over the segment making it all about her fucked up opinions that nobody gives a shit about by talking real loud a mile a minute and didn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.

AlexAss thinking she is the hot news caster she believes in her pea brain she is, asks Gretchen what she thinks of her segment, and that bitch just starts busting up laughing at this trick and tells her she needs a coach and that Fox 5 news, first asked Gretchen to do the segment and has been harassing Gretchen ever since.  Even while AlexAss was over there doing the hosting they were calling Gretchen on the phone begging her to replace AlexAss who is terrible and is only embarrassing herself stuttering her words with her chichis hanging out. AlexAss is about to bust a nut on her new nose and gets all butt hurt at Gretchen clowning on her and telling her how she was Fox 5′s second choice.

Baby Joker Face has to remind us that she is an ‘actress’ and will be auditioning for some bullshit they’re filming in Canada or some shit. Her husband Dr. Pervy  Dubrow starts asking her how this will affect her housewife/mom life and before Baby Joker Face tears his eyes out he backs off and says he is supportive and will get her nannies and servants to follow her to Canada if she chooses to go forward with this acting project, realistic and fair. I like that, and I like that Baby Joker Face doesn’t put up with crap even if he is the one bringing in the cheese she still holds his nuts in her designer purse. I like that!

Now get ready for the complete opposite at the Bellino rented faux-mansion. Where a teary AlexAss tries to buy her way with Jimbo by bringing him fresh lemonade but, that shit doesn’t work with him when she asks Jimbo if she can get a life coach to help with her sucky news casting ( I guess she knows she sucks and took Gretchie’s advice) and Jimbo just shuts her down and tells that bitch NO! Jimbo wants AlexAss to stay at home barefoot and pregnant and doesn’t want to hear any lip back from her. AlexAss wants a career because she is tired of getting evicted and having her cars repoed by Apollo Nida. But, Jimbo shuts her down and tells her to get back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich. I think this ho’ needs to take lessons from the Baby Joker Face’s,  Modern Spoiled Housewife School of How to Make your Husband Bring Home the bacon and Boss him Around Too.

Now it’s Gretchie’s turn to get laughed at when she arrives at the Pussycat Doll Theater for rehersal, and some gay guy and his gang of professional dancing bitches are laughing at Gretchen’s pathetic attempt at singing. Gretchen insists and keeps complaining that the reason her voice is shitty is because of the yelling match with Vicki four weeks ago. Fab Gay Guy isn’t having it, and straight up tell this delusional ho’ she sucks ass because she doesn’t sound like a Pussycat Doll but more like a dying mangy one-eyed cat and wonders what the fuck she is doing at the Pussycat Doll Theater and why she bothered showing up embarrassing herself and shit. LOVED IT!

The other ho’s pile up in a limo and all of them clown on AlexAssHole’s pretentious ass and her bullshit stories about how she owns a fleet of cars and they keep getting repoed every 21 days or some shit. Meanwhile,  AlexAss’s ears are ringing while she is having some makeup artist cover up the black eyes she is sporting and makes her look like this here:

I don’t really see the difference from her usual clown face.

Next week Gretchen flops big time while all the other House Skanks witness it and point and laugh!

Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge announced yesterday that they will be tying the knot soon, despite the fact that Tamra told Eddie on a recent episode that she didn’t want to move in with him and wanted to go find herself. I guess she must be done finding herself and is ready to become a house bitch again. Well good we didn’t need her out there causing more damage than she already causes.

From Life & Style

“They’re keeping the news under wraps until they have to film the reunion show in a few weeks,” a source close to the couple tells Life & Style. “They are so happy and excited!”

And the blond reality star always knew her hubby-to-be was the one.

“We’ve talked about marriage and we want to get married,” she’s said in the past. “It’s an insane amount of love; I have never used the term ‘soul mate’ before, but we are!”

I wonder if they will be filming their honeymoon-bathtub porn. I sure hope not!

Tamra Barney is the only House Skank who has not yet peddle her junk on TV. But, since her ass needs the moolah because it appears that Eddie’s janitor salary won’t give her the fluffy lifestyle she is used to. The bitch announced on the last episode that she too will be whoring more than herself on this gutter show she likes to be on and it appears it just may be for something women will actually use. Maybe.

Tamra  who recently took out her huge porn size implants, told News LaLate that she will be opening a fitness spin studio offering a variety of classes and activities.

Here is what she said about the boobies and her new business venture:

“lots of people have been asking me WHY I had my breast implants removed and here is my answer: I had them removed for several reason.”

“ 1. I live a more active life style now (working out and running) and they really got in the way.” Tamra blogs repeatedly to fans about her frequent, impressive runs. “2. I feel at 44 I am finally comfortable in my own skin and I don’t need big ta-ta’s to make me look better. 3. One of the biggest reasons, I had a scare with breast cancer and I thought it would be better to just have them removed. I am so happy I did it and will share more about my journey on season 7 that air Feb 7.”

“I love doing TRX and will be offering it at my studio. I think this is the best at home workout for Mom’s that don’t have a lot of time to get to a gym.”

“It’s great for woman because you use your own body weight so you won’t bulk up. don’t let the video scare you, just go at your own pace. I bought mine at Target for 100.00…money well spent!”

Sounds to me like those bazoombas were there for one reason and his name was Simon.

Tamra is also going to be announcing the location of her new spin studio and says that she is working on getting that puterio open soon:

“[I'm] so excited to be opening my own fitness/ spin studio, [I have] been working very hard.”

“meeting my broker to view locations for my fitness studio”. She added “please God make today the day.”

Tamra also continues to profess her new love affair with Gretchen Rossi:

“I know this comment is going to shock the sh—t out of you …….However, there was some Gretchen bashing on my page and I won’t have it. The video of her … is NOT to sell purses. It’s for breast cancer awareness and I think she was very brave and looks amazing in the video. I think a lot of people will be surprised to see how things have changed between us “

And speaking of her new professed love for Gretchen, Tamra slams former BFF Vicki and says that bitch is a “hypocrite”. She recently went on a radio show and was asked what the deal was between her and Vicki lately:

“Well, she’s very opinionated, she is, do I dare use the word, a hypocrite? She says one thing and does the other; she can say whatever she wants, but if you say it to her it’s not all right.”

“Vicki is a tough cookie, it’s usually her way or no way. She’s a good person but we’ve had our ups and downs.”

So do you guys think this new friendship with Gretchen is just a faux friendshit? ‘Cause I sure do. How long do you think this friendshit will last? And would any of you hot bitches sign up for Tamra’s fitness studio?

Even though Lynne Curtains is living in the van down by the river and she is no longer on the show, she still needed to ask Tamra what’s up with her and Fernanda. Plus this may get her some camera time so she can hop back on the show and make some much needed dinero.

Lynne informs Tamra that Fernando has bragged about the make out session Tamra and Fernanda shared on Tamra’s birthday, while Tamra was still married to Simon. Lynne also tells Tamra that Fernando’s crazy lesbian ass was not only bragging to Lynne, but also to the community about the Tamra-Fernanda love affair.

When Lynne asks if Tamra is gay, Tamra straight up tells her NO I’M JUST A WHORE! Then she starts singing ‘Blame it on al al al al alcohol, blame it on al al al alcohol’.  But at least no “nipple tweaking.” occurred between her and Fernando, so that means Tamra is straight. But just a whore.

Tamra must now break up with Fernando. Tamra also mentions that ever since her and Eddie became an item Fernando acts weird then she  brags that Eddie told her that the reason why Fernando acts like a whinny bitch since her and Eddie got together is because Fernando is ‘in love’ with Tamra. But that statement may be more Tamra bragging about herself.

Peggy pounds on Alexis door and demands to speak and confront Alexis on the whole thing with Jimbo not being present at her dinner party and disrespecting her and blah, blah, bla. Methinks she wants to get the dirt on this bitches marital problems. AlexAssLips starts twitching because every-time Peggy is around, the bitch gets the jealousy crazies and starts getting argumentative and all competitive with Peggy.

Peggy asks Alexis why Jim wasn’t at the party, and she says that she doesn’t believe that whopper about  ’work’  keeping Jimbo from attending the party. Specially since that fool,  ‘never had a real job’ even when he and Peggy used to knock fugly boots together. Then, AlexAssLips can’t take the heat anymore and blabs out that Jimbo hates the other bitches and that’s why he didn’t want to attend this bullshit party.

Peggy bitches at AlexAss about how Jimbo is an asshole to Micah, and AlexAssLips orders Peggy to shut the fuck up because Jimbo has owned four Lamborghini’s.  And they all got repoed. But still even though all of Jimballs Lambs got repoed; AlexAssLip’s husband still has to be the Alpha male. And Jimbo has the pathetic and desperate Alpha male complex down to an art-form so is very easy for him to flip out on Micah like that.

After AlexAssLips brags, about how perfect and Christian her perfect family is, she starts whining about how she doesn’t have time for a social life. Why, with all her children and nannies, and the fashion designing skeam plus the 18 hours a day of workout plus ad the five hours of puke sessions that go along with that, the poor thing has no time for a social life.

Peggy sits there with her mouth wide open because she wants to punch that ho’ in the mouth. How come these people give off a weird vibe every time they are around each other? And it goes beyond the vibe of the two bitches being jealous of each other. Specially AlexAssLips who seems to show more jelaousy towards that bony ass corpse they propped from the coffin named Peggy.The vibe is definitely icky. Did they swapped partners? EEEWWWWW!!!!

Vicki still hates Donn and now she is more pissed at him for embarrassing her at the dinner party calling her a ‘bitch’ and acting a fool. But she’s always hated him. Donn tries to talk to her and she just ignores him while she fumbles around in the kitchen. Donn gets all sad and takes off to his new job washing cars on the corner of the street for five bucks a car. Ten for wax. Fifty for happy ending. Yep, he gives the best blowjobs and car-wash on that corner!

Next, the Drunken Beinge Winery Hoping Adventures, starting Vicki and her ignorant racist undertone comments made to the Puerto Rican Winery worker who makes the mistake of innocently asks the bitches if they are ready to ‘go to the dark side’. Meaning dark wine. However, Vicki has to turn it into a race comment telling Tamra that since the wine attendant is ‘brown’ Tamra is going to jump him because Tamra likes the ‘dark’ meat. The wine guy is clearly pissed and wants to punch Vicki in the face because the bitch is totally insensitive and oblivious or just doesn’t care about how offensive and racist this comment came out. Everyone else is embarrassed for her. But, stupid Vicki just keeps going making the room cringe. And nobody calls her out on her ignorance.

Peggy is also invited to tag along in this winery hoping expedition and she decides to stick her tongue so far up Vicki’s ass with her constant, pestering interrogations of Vicki’s crumbling marriage that she ends up pissing Vicki off. Vicki cries.

Slimey’s mom shows up at his house and demands of Gretchen food and wine chop, chop. And she also demands that Gretchen makes more money to support her loser son. Gretchen downs some wine and now that she is nice and drunk she bails out to avoid her possible future mother-in-law and drives off in her car to the market to get more wine. While drunk.

Slimey’s own mama tells him that everyone in America thinks  that he’s a loser and Gretchen’s little house bitch. Then, she tells him that it’s no wonder Gretchen’s parent’s don’t like his ass because he needs to get a job.  She also mocks him by asking him if he thinks Gretchen’s dad will hand  his stupid ass the family business. Finally, she hands him an application for McDonalds that she got from Eddie.

Next Tamra meets Fernanda for lunch and to break up with her. Tamra tells Fernando that the bathroom kiss meant nothing. Since kissing a girl for fun doesn’t count when you’re drunk. Then, Tamra tells Fernando to quit being in love with her and Fernando says Tamra was just a bootie-call anyways and not a good one after all.

AlexAssLips is doing a photo-shoot to peddle her awful dresses. She first has lunch with her Pee Wee Herman gay assistant Dylan and tries to talk him out of going to his college class that night because she believes in her tiny little pea brain that she is a better education since he is internshipping with her broke ass.

But, the smart assistant decides he is going to class because that bitch is broke anyways and he knows that she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing and that her so called fashion line will go down the toilet to join Sheree Whitfield’s line. After the wise assistant bails out, AlexAssLips is left to do her photo-shoot with Towel. Damn that bitch does look just like Octomom. Is that her?

AlexAssLips must be really holding  a lot of bottled up anger because of all the shit she has to put up with, from Jimballs. Since she constantly acts like an angry, jealous, controlling, competitive, shrew every-time she’s around certain females and Towel just like Peggy, seems to be one of them. AlexAssLips must be jealous of that other bitche’s huge-ass lips, that’s what it must be.

During the photo-shoot-out Alexis tries to control and direct the poses that Towel is doing when she doesn’t even know how to pose herself! I swear that bitch would not make it as a model they would fire her stupid ass she kept making these stupid faces like she was a blow up doll while  she was squatting taking a shit. She just looked stupid.

I hate to say it, but even stupid ass Kelly Bensimoron can model and do poses.  And she’s a moron! But stupid AlexsAssLips cannot even do that!  How sad, maybe she really needs her Master of Puppets Jimbo there or else she may really forget to how to breathe!

AlexAssLips failed attempts to control the photo shoot are foiled by her controlling husband Jimbo, who turns the photo-shoot into a cover for a porn flick. He even sets off the hotel smoke alarms by catching the carpet on fire with his cigars. (It wasn’t the smoke machine that set it off.)

AlexAssLips is not liking that shit, but she says she has to ‘listen’ and obey her fugly husband or else he may give her a black-eye to go with her fat lip. So AlexAssLips just bends over and takes it.

But that’s okay she will take it out later on Towel or Peggy or whoever the unfortunate bitch that happens to be in front of her is  at that time.

Meanwhile Gretchen has dragged house-bitch and Slave Slimey I mean Slade,  to Texas to peddle her fugly bitch bags. Gretchen is having fun detaching Slimey’s balls and playing catch with them and passing them around  all the other people in the studio where she is filming an infomercial. Gretchen calls Slimey her ‘roadie’ and her house-bitch etc. Then, she demands he curls her hair like he did that morning.

Slimey is still in denial and insist that Jo De La Rosa was the one who emasculated and bossed him around, not Gretchen. Yeaahh sure whatever you say buddy!

Peggy gets wind that AlexAssLips had a photo-shoot and so she decides to clean up her freshly embalmed corpse and does a photo-shoot in her good whore-lingerie. Who needs to pay their house note when you can have pictures of a dried up mummified skank that’s been up for 6 weeks straight tweeking on meth and it shows.

Peggy brags that most girls may have the looks but can’t pose for shit. She must have being directing that dig at Alexis. And Peggy is right, she should know, wasn’t she like a famous model that traveled the world and was in various music videos.

Wait what? She wasn’t? Yeah well even though she was just some unknown, wannabe model who was never told that some guy taking pictures of you in your underwear in a Easy 8 motel room so he can look at them later doesn’t count as modeling;  at least Peggy knows how to pose and in that gorgeous lingere and thinning, stringy, hair Peggy looks like an old 57 year old  crack-addict, hooker, with botched-surgery tits and no ass that just took her last hit of crack and the funeral parlor just got done embalming her and they’re getting ready to bury her all decked out  in her best lingerie.

On this episode Peggy and her husband Micah ended up throwing their own version of the dinner party from hell with the chef that Micah was scoffing and spitting food at. Since Bravo hooked it up and paid for it they had no choice, but accept this chef.

This dinner party should ofreally being titled ‘ The Foreclosure Dinner Party Featuring AlexAssLips and HerTable Pooping Shenanigans ‘ because it is my understanding that during this time the pretentious Tanous were getting the boot from the bank and losing their home and Alexis was freaking out because of her lack of Jimballs.

While Micah and Peggy get ready for their dinner party, they name drop a bunch of shit, from their watch brands, down to the fancy toilet paper they use to wipe Peggy’s no-ass, ass all this fronting just to make sure we heard them and to pretend they don’t have the U-Haul truck all packed and parked behind the house where the cameras can’t see it.

Peggy made sure she spare no cost when it came to her expensive party and lavish table she even had a singer for entertainment, and even after Bravo picked up some of the tab it was still expensive.

Peggy had stated before that they always throw a big lavish dinner party for all their friends. And from the looks of it a couple of these dinner parties must have cost the equivalent of their monthly house payment. Maybe if they would not be so caught up in showing off what they can’t afford, to their so called friends and would have just lived within their meager means and eaten top Ramen instead of fillet Mignon and driving an old Ford Fiesta instead of the secondhand Bentleys and Lamborghinis they can’t even afford, they would still have a nice house and not be living in a van, shitting in a can, down by the river with Lynne and Frank Curtains.

In this episode Tamra introduces her new man Eddie Munster, I mean Judge, to the skank platoon. Tamra and Eddie show up to Vicki’s so they can head out to Peggy’s. Tamra dresses like an 80 year old eccentric, senile, great-grandma with all those jewelries I bet she loses like 70 lbs when all those Mr. T rings and necklaces come off. After Tamra introduces Eddie. Vicki just stares and sniffs Eddie, then she stares at his teeth for a long time. Tamra says she is sizing him up.

Then all of them start talking shit about Slade Slimey and his child support 100k tab since this was splattered all over the Internet at the time of filming.

While Vicki is sitting there sniffing Eddies ass to make sure he passes her inspection and earns her seal of approval. Eddie decides to jump in the bitch gossip wagon and says he will pick up Slade an application at the Mcdonalds. Vicki then decides to give Eddie her seal of approval and everyone is happy.

When Vicki and Tamra arrive at the party and exit the limo, Tamra reminds Vicki to spread her sausage legs to show the ‘beef’ to the camera. Cochina!

As previously mentioned it was around this time that Slade Slimey was making headlines for being a dead beat dad to his children.  Including his little boy who is cancer stricken . So he hid out somewheres in jail playing someones wife and Gretchen shows up to Peggy’s party escorted by a rented gay for the evening.

Alexis also shows up with her gay assistant because Jimbo was pissed off that Bravo can’t magically edit him to look like he’s not an asshole. Why does AlexAssLips need an assistant for anyways? It’s not like she works. Plus the one nanny she has left, is the one that watches her kids. Is her assistant there to assist her to wipe her ass when Jimbo is not around to do so? WTF.

Peggy has a microphone and everything going on for this pachanga, so she introduces a talented lady singer from Phylli. As soon as the lady starts singing Tamra and Eddie are on the dance floor dry humping each other. Dipshit Gretchen is watching them all jealous because Tamra is now better off than her. Since she has a man that at least has a job at his dad’s law firm. Cleaning toilets.

After they all dance everyone plops down to eat. Gretchen’s rented gay-escort makes fun of Eddie, and asked where Tamra found Eddie. ‘Did she find him on 1-800-salsa’. Tamra gets all pissed off and gives them the look of death. Donn had a few bong rips and leans over to his side of the table to tell to tell the others he thinks Gretchen’s sucked-up, crack-head, face looks like that corpse from the Munsters.  They all have a good laugh.

Peggy is pissed that everyone is acting like they’re in 6th grade. The bantering continues, when Gretchen is asked why Slade is not there and she answers that he was with his kids. Donn busts up laughing because he knows the bitch is lying. Plus Donn can’t help it, he’s baked out of his mind so shit is 10 times funnier. Gretchen has this shocked look in her face because Donn laughs his ass off at her for being a liar. Tamra says that Slimey wants everyone to believe the bullshit story he is not attending the dinner party, is because his bitch-ass is at home plucking his ass hairs. That bitch is right.

Suddenly Alexis loses her shit when she realizes she is in the middle of the shark tank without her cult leader husband Jimbo to boss her around, she whines “I don’t know what to do or say!, Booohooo, hooo!”. YES THE BITCH REALLY SAID THAT!! She goes into crying hysterics the way a 5 year old kindergarten baby would the first day of school, like Tamra pointed out. Alexis whines and cries that without Jimbo there, she doesn’t know how to act what to do or say. WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE NEED HIM THERE TO PULL THE STRING!!?? So AlexAssLips decides to get up and go to the bathroom to lock herself in there and cry some more.

AlexAssLips also gives everyone contradicting bullshit reasons for Jimbo’s unexpected absence. But, on her camera interview she says he doesn’t want to film with those cackling bitches. Previously she also said he quit the show because the cameras only edit to show his true prick-self, they can’t perform magic to make him appear like a nice guy and not like the ‘Real Broke Angry Asshole Of Orange County’ that he is. So he quit. Now this bitch is saying he hates everyone and doesn’t want to film with them. Oookay then.

Vicki and Tamra think the real reason Alexis is so upset Jimbo is not there with her, and he didn’t want to film that day, is because him and Alexis had a fight. I agree with those skanks. Because the way Alexis was on her Droid text-messaging him desperately for forgiveness when she first got to the dinner party, plus the bitch looks all worried like she pissed off her meal ticket, then she constantly leaves the table to go to the restroom to cry and or text him. I can tell they not only had a fight he probably beat her ass too that day, it must of being some big ass, loud fight and the neighborhood heard it.  I bet.

While Alexis has gone to the shitter to cry and try to text Jimbo hoping he will forgive her because she made him punch her in the mouth earlier, all the other bitches are left sitting there wondering what really happened to Jimbo.

Coked out Micah tells Alexis’s gay-cort/assistant Dylan if he plays the ‘stunt double’ for Jimbo because he sure in fuck looks just like him. Dylan gets all mad because all the other dip-shits are now laughing at him specially Donn who’s got this real drunken, rowdy, laugh.

Gretchen goes to comfort Alexis and also to help her wipe her ass. Vicki, Tamra, Eddie and Donn are having fun, clowning of Slade Slimey and his dead beat shenanigans. Everyone at the table is all having fun and all that good shit except Alexi’s assistant who’s uncomfortable after getting clowned on.

Peggy and Micah turn to the Gunvalson’s to kiss some ass and bring up conversation about the Gunvalson’s being happily married a long time. The Tanouses, try to make it all nice like they are all happy crappy and shit, but like in five seconds Vicki starts arguing with Donn about him not wanting Vicki to have more children with him because Donn didn’t want children with her. Donn fires back at Vicki and calls her a ‘Bitch’. Vicki sits there all embarrassed and looking dumb.

During all this Donn and Vicki  barking at the table fun, Alexis returns to the table and continues lying about Jimbo’s reason to not be present.  First, she said his ass had to work, then he had a last minute client, after that it was that he had to stay home and Slimey was joining him so they can both pluck each other’s ass hairs. The last excuse according to Tamra’s verifications. But ya’ all know none of this shit is true, I agree with the fugly stepsisters about Jimbo NOT being there because his ass had clients or had to work or had an ass plucking session with Slimey.

After the fight with Jimballs he hooked up with the real Alexis Couture XXX Tranni and was ignoring AlexAssLips text messages.

Yep, he was over there with that tranni-ho’ while Alexis was left to fend for herself at that that horrible party with interrogator Peggy and the fugly stepsisters. Poor thing doesn’t know what to do or say without her cult-leader, psycho-ass, husband to pull the strings attached to her butthole and make her say and do the right things, which pretty much is whatever the hell he tells her to. Stupid bitch.

I don’t understand how Jimballs doesn’t want to be around the fugly stepsisters? He had no problem with that before, but now that the Tanouses joined this bitch-wreckage he doesn’t want to be around the mean girls ? How convenient. I bet him and Alexis get into fights over the fact that he dated that walking corpse Peggy because Alexis seems very jealous of her.

I bet Jimbo tauntes Alexis over Peggy to make her jealous and since Alexis is mentally handicapped her ass loses her shit and that’s the real reason I bet that ‘smelly dork’ doesn’t want to be there. Sorry for rambling on about that shit because I had to get that off my chest since that episode. Anyways after all that mess and AlexAssLips came back she then leaves again back to the bathroom to compose her self. This time Gretchen and the assistant Dylan follow her ass to make sure she doesn’t water-board herself in the toilet as punishment, because Jimbo is not there to do it.

While AlexAssLips is in the shitter crying Gretchen is in there catching her turds and feeding into that bitches bullshit. If you listen carefully Alexis is crying over a fight with Jimbo but I bet a lot of the conversation was edited out. But listen carefully just listen and you can tell its about a fight her and the ‘smelly dork’ had.

Gretchen is talking to Alexis about how those other bitches hate Alexis and talk shit about her and her ‘smelly dork’ husband. And how they are all jealous. YES,  jealous because Alexis married an old, scary looking, fat fugly man, who reeks of cigars and feet and who bosses AlexAssLips around like a dumb bitch for a few dollars that keep the rhino feeces injections coming, so she can end up looking like Mama Elsa in the end.

Tamra is bored of the drama between Vicki and Donn and so she decides it’s time for some other fun entertainment, so she drags Vicki to the bathroom to listen in on those bitches. Specially on AlexAssLips. Because it’s funny. Tamra puts her ear to the bathroom door and Vicki plops her ass down on a chair to play a poor look-out who jumps up and screams when Peggy surprises them while Tamra is listening with her ear to the door. Vicki was all AAWWW SHIT!! I THOUGHT IT WAS A WALKING CORPSE!!! Damn Peggy almost gave Vicki a heart attackt. Peggy’s pale ass corpse face would scare the shit out of anybody who is distracted at the moment.She looks like a zombie that would be running around moaning ‘METH, METH, MEAAATH!!’ You know, just dragging her skeletor legs around begging for meth scaring bitches and shit. There’s just something that looks wrong about that bitch.

Anyways after Peggy’s scary mug breaks up the listening party. Peggy gets in there and opens the bathroom door to tell Alexis to either go back and eat dinner like a normal person or get the fuck out. And AlexAssLips just sits there sobbing like  a ‘ 5 year old ‘ losing her shit. At this point Peggy is fed up with AssLips for shitting on the dinner party and just wants to toss her out Irish Tavern style. AlexAssLips decides she is gonna go back and join the table after she makes an ass out of herself by making a stupid asshole speech  ‘ATTENTION EVERYBODY, I AM SORRY I TOOK A SHIT ON THE DINNER TABLE AND FUCKED UP THIS FUGLY BITCHES DINNER PARTY, BUT GOD WILL FORGIVE ME… AND NOW SOME NAKED SORORITY BITCH DANCING!’.

And just like that, her mood switched just like the music did at that party and she was greasing a pole Gretchen brought from home in her Gretchen Rossi, Butt Fugly purse. And Alexis and Gretchen were both grinding on the pole and each other in their panties and making the gay assistants dry hump each other so they could watch. Peggy was standing there with a shocked, disgusted look on her sucked up meth-head face.  And Tamra, Eddie, Donn and Vicki all bailed out laughing at Peggy because, she is the one that has to scrape and hose down that crazy drunken bitch Alexis and her posey off the floor in the morning when it’s time to clean up and the bitch wakes up in a puddle of puke and pissed-drunk.

Since Tamra Barney has being letting Eddie Judge bang her, he has wasted no time in riding Tamra’s shit-listed coattails and meeting all the Bravolebrities that keep this shit-storm swirling like clockwork of chaos for our sick and enjoyable entertainment.

Check out the one picture where everyone is passing Tamra’s bra around, I guess no one would buy her nasty ass bra on Ebay so she tried to give it away to drunken people . Aren’t they afraid if they touch that bra they may catch the squirby from that bitch?

Yep, sounds like Tamra, always pulling some trailer park stunt like getting drunk and taking off her bra in front of a crowd of drunk-asses. And she still expects us to believe she ‘forgot’ the cameras were in the room when she stripped naked and let Eddie hump her on camera in front of God and everyones’ grandmother!

According to Radaronline Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge are already engaged. Tamra has stated that her and Eddie will soon be walking down the aisle and that they’re speaking about getting married and adopting a child. She also still insist Eddie and Simon were buddies and that Eddie is straight.

Here is what she told Radaronline:

 Wedding bells will be ringing soon for Tamra Barney and her new boyfriend.

Speaking exclusively to RadarOnline.com, the Real Housewives of Orange County star said she and Eddie Judge, her boyfriend of more than a year, are planning to say ‘I Do’ and have even discussed adopting a child together!

“We’ve talked about marriage and we want to get married,” gushed 42-year-old Tamra, who shared the couple’s private photo album with us.

“It’s an insane amount of love; I have never said term ‘soul mate’ before, but we are!

“We finish each other’s sentences… I’m not the easiest person in the world and he gets me, nor does he judge. He simply says, ‘that’s my girl.’”

It has been a tumultuous few years for the reality television mother-of-four after a very public divorce from husband of 11 years, Simon Barney, who also featured on the hit Bravo show.
Tamra insisted Eddie, 37, was never friends with Simon, as her ex had claimed.

“He put that out there when Eddie and I started dating,” Tamra said of Simon, who has also moved on with a new girlfriend.

“We had gone to holiday parties about two years ago where Simon and Eddie briefly met, but they never had a friendship and no numbers were exchanged.

“So the extent of their relationship amounted only to meeting socially maybe three times.

“Simon has even admitted to me that he was sorry and at the time he was p*ssed off.”

Tamra said she has slowly started to introduce her children — Ryan, Sidney, Spencer and Sophia — to new beau Eddie, in anticipation of walking down the aisle together.

“Within the next year we’ll be married,” Tamra told RadarOnline.com, in an exclusive interview.

“It’s all about timing right now and the kids play a huge part.

“If it weren’t for the kids, we’d be married right now… but we’re happy as can be; it’s happily ever after!”

“Eddie is one of the best things that’s ever happened in my life; he’s understanding, he’s caring and he just really has a big heart.”

She said Eddie reveals on an upcoming episode he’d also like to add one more child to Tamra’s brood.

 ”Eddie is adopted and said he’d even like to adopt,” she said.

“If I could, I’d do it again. I have four… I’ve been a mother since 18 and I love being a mom. It’s the only thing I really know.”

 Thanks to my reader Uwish for letting me know about this little piece of gossip.

But wait! Holy Contrabullshits!!! like Bethenny would say. I was on Facebook a minute ago and here was Tamra talking to some of the people that I know that know her, and  here she is on Facebook, pissed and denying what Radaronline posted and also stating that Radaronline is changing the title. Which right as I am posting this fuckery hasn’t been changed so we’ll see.

I wonder if Eddie got into a lover’s spat with his boyfriend Marcos because they were not supposed to take the famewhoring charade this far and post shit like that. But the bath tub porn was okay. Who the fuck knows with these two boneheads! But I bet we’re gonna have fun finding out .

When I saw this shit the other night on TV I was thinking . REALLY?? REALLY BITCH??!! IT’S TURNED INTO PORNO NOW? TAMRA HAS THAT BAD OF A CASE OF ATTENTION WHORE PERSONALITY DISORDER THAT WE NOW HAVE TO ENDURE SEEING THIS??!!

 Yep, if I would of being drunk off my ass the night they rolled this shit, I would gotten confused and thought I was watching an old 80′s porn flick with a Tammy Faye baker lookalike and her stepson. EEEWWWW!!!! And how the hell does she expect us all to believe she forgot there was a camera crew there specially when she took off all her clothes and jumped in the tub? And Eddie had to gulp down the whole glass of wine before doing the dirty deed. Click here for and unedited version of this video if you have the stomach and eye bleach to endure this. Supposedly in this version you can see this heifer’s tatas sticking out of the tub with no blurring. GROSS!!

Oh yeah and you have to be 18 and register to go on that site and watch this version.

Check out this video above, where Tamra Barney recently tried to do some lame ass attempt at damage control, by denying rumors that her current boyfriend Eddie Judge and ex-husband Simon Barney were once good  friends prior to her bumping fuglies with Eddie.

Tamra also states that Eddie was a partner of hers in real state and that now he owns a law firm.

I’m sure in the next few weeks of watching this circus clown train-wreckage we will find out more about Eduardo Navarro aka Eddie Judge. Including all the nasty ass bathtub scenes we don’t need. So remember bitches when they must show nasty ass shit like that make sure you watch on an empty stomach and keep the eye bleach handy.