This was the Real Housewives of Miami Lice reunion and the first Bravo live reunion, Miss Andy says this may be the last. I was glad to see those bitches cutting loose during the reunion. At least a little more than during the crappy season.
The first order of business was Lea confronting lying Cristy about her Gala Crashing shenanigans. Cristy says that she was not planning to attend Lea’s cheap ass Gala. Lea jumps in and states that Cristy called her up the night before to inform her that she was going to be attending. Cristy says that Lea is lying, but Lea says Cristy is a lying whore and a fat mouth. Cristy then drags Marysol into this and says that Marysol promised to fit her in the event. I was glad to see Marysol jump on that ho’ and also starts calling her a liar and a fat mouth.
I wish Marysol would of jumped on stupid Larsa like that, when she was starting her shit about Mama Elsa during the dinner party. But maybe she didn’t really need to since Elsa already cursed that bitch. With a serious case of itchy permanent wolf uni brow.
Adriana got nice and coked out for this reunion plus the hooch she was drinking also helped bring out the best of her crazies because, the bitch was bouncing off the walls with her boxing gloves on, ready to cut a bitch.
She jumps in and starts yelling at Cristy for only paying two tickets for the Gala when it is clear that there were a total of three people attending. No matter how much proof there is that there were three of them. Cristy insist that there were only two people! What the fuck is wrong with this dumb broad? There’s documented evidential footage she showed up with her two tranni fat ass friends who ate all the food and clogged the man’s toilets.
If Cristy the Crusty Clown was a career criminal her stupid ass would be on that show America’s Dumbest Criminals because she either doesn’t know how to count or is too stupid to see her boyfriend the camera man, following them around and capturing the whole thing on film. Pendeja!
The bitches then get louder and continue their yelling match. It’s kinda hard understanding most of these skanks accents already, and now that they are all drunk, pissed and coked out they’re all yelling over each other and it’s harder to understand what the hell they’re saying.
The one that’s winning the yelling and verbal bitch slaps is Adriana, she starts telling Cristy that her fugly ass looks like a man. Oh yeah! Now that she pointed it out, I can see the Adam’s apple on that hot tranni mess. Poor Miss Andy, can’t get a word in edgewise in all that bitch slapping circus.
Finally Lea realizes that she can’t reason with lying crazy, since Cristy will not admit she brought the two whale sisters with her making it three people. So Lea decides that she is is letting it go and they shake on it . If that even last.
Then is Adriana on the hot seat. Andy brings up the emails from viewers that asks why Adriana makes all the drama about her.
“You know what, this is a reality show and if I’m boring, nobody wants to watch me. If everybody did what I did, this show would be rocking right now… If we had six Adrianas on this show, this show would be bigger than Beverly Hills!”
Adriana’s response is that she is the most watchable fun bitch of this crap show, and states if they had six Adriana’s this boring ass show would be rocking and it would be more famous than Beverly Hills. But noooo!. They had to stick the Star of the Drama Adriana with a bunch of boring ass, uninteresting bitches that are as fun as watching your grandma and her friends knit.
Andy also asks her why she is such a stupid bitch who forgets to pick up her son after school. Since Lea is her mama she defends Adriana and says that Adriana is a good mom and her kid became honor roll student. Although I don’t know what the hell that has to do with Adriana’s short-term memory problems. But whatever.
We get to see a bunch of boring ass pictures with Marysol and her paid gigolo Philippe. Marysol says that they are very happy, but specially Philippe because he finally got his green card.
Andy brings up the DUI bullshit with Marysol and Mama Elsa. Marysol says that after getting that DUI she learned her lesson in never, ever, driving while drunk again. From now on she either takes a taxi or she makes sure she has a lot of gum and mouth wash in her car in case she gets pulled over again. Same for Mama Elsa, and that old Bruja has 47 years of experience in drunk riding her broom.
Andy also tried to nicely asks Marysol about Elsa’s white elephant man in the room face, and how it went from this,
To this,
Marysol laughs it off and tells Andy how she was at work and doesn’t know what goes on in peoples Cuban curandero surgeon’s offices, then she tells Andy to mind his own beezwax because she doesn’t have to give any explanations about how Elsa’s rotted Halloween pumpkin mug of beauty was carved by the very gargoyles that sit at Satan’s feet and since those very same gargoyles are the ones that helped Marysol achieve her duck lips and get Phillipe to marry her even after he saw Elsa in person. Marysol feels this is a family secret and doesn’t need to share it with Andy. Although her and Mama Elsa are on national TV airing their dirty laundry out.
“At least I’m not giving blow jobs to 19-year-olds like you do,”
Adriana was ready to throw down and she didn’t care if she had to knock down Cristy or LardAss.
Adriana gets asks why she kisses Lea’s ass all day and if Lea is her pimp who introduces her to rich men. Adriana admits she kisses Lea’s tacky fat ass, but then she flies off the handle and starts yelling a mile a minute denying that Lea pimps her out to rich men . She yells in sentences that are hard to understand and with her thick accent I cannot even tell if the bitch is talking in English, Spanish, Portugese or psychobabble drunk bitch spewage.
I can’t tell, but since fortunately I do speak Spanish as well as drunken psychobabble, I kinda sorta decipher what she was yelling about in between rants. What I understood she said was, some shit about Cristy the Crusty Clown being the vacuum cleaner of the neighborhood for horny 19 year old boys that come through her revolving door.
Larsa gets asked if her husband Scottie Pippen is a broke ass who blew through his 120 million and once again you can smell through the TV the uncomfortable fart of denial with the lame answer she gives. You know the bitch is broke that’s why she went on this show.
We also find out Alexia Cocaine Barbie’s son’s girlfriend dumped his ass because she must of watched the show and decided Cocaine Barbie has a creepy relationship with Pedro Jr. And everyone in Hialeah still thinks she has foot in mouth disease.
You can tell during this reunion that Adriana was pissed and blamed the other ho’s because their show flopped and it sucked ass. That’s why the bitch made that comment about the show needing six of her . She was also all drunk and loud, all desperate trying to pull a Teresa by yelling and cursing, hoping Bravo would give them a second chance if they bring in the drama. Andy mentions that there is a knock out, drag out fight, during the commercials, but never specifies if one of the bitches got punched in the face or what exactly happened. I was disappointed they didn’t bring Mama Elsa. Since that lizard looking witch was the best thing about this house ho’s franchise.
