Despite the fact that the Real Housewives Of Miami got real bad reviews on their premiere season they are still been invited back for a second season and they also did us all a favor and got rid of the two most annoying heiffers that were on board. Larsa Pippen got tarred and feathered all the way to Chicago and Cristy Rice was also booted out of this skank platoon because just like Larsa, she was just really annoying. The bitches that are left will be Marysol Patton, Mama Elsa, Alexis Echevarria,Adriana De Moura and Lea Black.
According to big mouth Adriana, Bravo didn’t want Larsa and Cristy back because “Producers didn’t want to go in this Basketball Wives direction. We’ll portray Miami the way it should be portrayed.” Adriana also says that the show wasn’t even supposed to be a Housewives show and that’s the reason it sucked ass, “first season didn’t work because Bravo never meant for the series to become a Real Housewives franchise. Indeed, the show was originally intended to be a Miami Social knockoff, but became a Housewives franchise during the editing process.” HA HA HA!! That’s funny shit, she added. “That’s why we had shorter episodes and all that foolishness. Now we’re hoping to beat Beverly Hills!” Really? Then bring it.
I am probably one of the few people that enjoyed these skanks and I do have hope for them. I like this franchise because these are the bitches with the Latin flavor (and I’m half Latina so yeah,) and of course with the one and only Mama Elsa.
Oh, Mama Elsa how I missed your crazy, drunken ramblings of truth. Can’t wait to see those bitches again.
This was the Real Housewives of Miami Lice reunion and the first Bravo live reunion, Miss Andy says this may be the last. I was glad to see those bitches cutting loose during the reunion. At least a little more than during the crappy season.
The first order of business was Lea confronting lying Cristy about her Gala Crashing shenanigans. Cristy says that she was not planning to attend Lea’s cheap ass Gala. Lea jumps in and states that Cristy called her up the night before to inform her that she was going to be attending. Cristy says that Lea is lying, but Lea says Cristy is a lying whore and a fat mouth. Cristy then drags Marysol into this and says that Marysol promised to fit her in the event. I was glad to see Marysol jump on that ho’ and also starts calling her a liar and a fat mouth.
I wish Marysol would of jumped on stupid Larsa like that, when she was starting her shit about Mama Elsa during the dinner party. But maybe she didn’t really need to since Elsa already cursed that bitch. With a serious case of itchy permanent wolf uni brow.
Adriana got nice and coked out for this reunion plus the hooch she was drinking also helped bring out the best of her crazies because, the bitch was bouncing off the walls with her boxing gloves on, ready to cut a bitch.
She jumps in and starts yelling at Cristy for only paying two tickets for the Gala when it is clear that there were a total of three people attending. No matter how much proof there is that there were three of them. Cristy insist that there were only two people! What the fuck is wrong with this dumb broad? There’s documented evidential footage she showed up with her two tranni fat ass friends who ate all the food and clogged the man’s toilets.
If Cristy the Crusty Clown was a career criminal her stupid ass would be on that show America’s Dumbest Criminals because she either doesn’t know how to count or is too stupid to see her boyfriend the camera man, following them around and capturing the whole thing on film. Pendeja!
The bitches then get louder and continue their yelling match. It’s kinda hard understanding most of these skanks accents already, and now that they are all drunk, pissed and coked out they’re all yelling over each other and it’s harder to understand what the hell they’re saying.
The one that’s winning the yelling and verbal bitch slaps is Adriana, she starts telling Cristy that her fugly ass looks like a man. Oh yeah! Now that she pointed it out, I can see the Adam’s apple on that hot tranni mess. Poor Miss Andy, can’t get a word in edgewise in all that bitch slapping circus.
Finally Lea realizes that she can’t reason with lying crazy, since Cristy will not admit she brought the two whale sisters with her making it three people. So Lea decides that she is is letting it go and they shake on it . If that even last.
Then is Adriana on the hot seat. Andy brings up the emails from viewers that asks why Adriana makes all the drama about her.
“You know what, this is a reality show and if I’m boring, nobody wants to watch me. If everybody did what I did, this show would be rocking right now… If we had six Adrianas on this show, this show would be bigger than Beverly Hills!”
Adriana’s response is that she is the most watchable fun bitch of this crap show, and states if they had six Adriana’s this boring ass show would be rocking and it would be more famous than Beverly Hills. But noooo!. They had to stick the Star of the Drama Adriana with a bunch of boring ass, uninteresting bitches that are as fun as watching your grandma and her friends knit.
Andy also asks her why she is such a stupid bitch who forgets to pick up her son after school. Since Lea is her mama she defends Adriana and says that Adriana is a good mom and her kid became honor roll student. Although I don’t know what the hell that has to do with Adriana’s short-term memory problems. But whatever.
We get to see a bunch of boring ass pictures with Marysol and her paid gigolo Philippe. Marysol says that they are very happy, but specially Philippe because he finally got his green card.
Andy brings up the DUI bullshit with Marysol and Mama Elsa. Marysol says that after getting that DUI she learned her lesson in never, ever, driving while drunk again. From now on she either takes a taxi or she makes sure she has a lot of gum and mouth wash in her car in case she gets pulled over again. Same for Mama Elsa, and that old Bruja has 47 years of experience in drunk riding her broom.
Andy also tried to nicely asks Marysol about Elsa’s white elephant man in the room face, and how it went from this,
To this,
Marysol laughs it off and tells Andy how she was at work and doesn’t know what goes on in peoples Cuban curandero surgeon’s offices, then she tells Andy to mind his own beezwax because she doesn’t have to give any explanations about how Elsa’s rotted Halloween pumpkin mug of beauty was carved by the very gargoyles that sit at Satan’s feet and since those very same gargoyles are the ones that helped Marysol achieve her duck lips and get Phillipe to marry her even after he saw Elsa in person. Marysol feels this is a family secret and doesn’t need to share it with Andy. Although her and Mama Elsa are on national TV airing their dirty laundry out.
“At least I’m not giving blow jobs to 19-year-olds like you do,”
Adriana was ready to throw down and she didn’t care if she had to knock down Cristy or LardAss.
Adriana gets asks why she kisses Lea’s ass all day and if Lea is her pimp who introduces her to rich men. Adriana admits she kisses Lea’s tacky fat ass, but then she flies off the handle and starts yelling a mile a minute denying that Lea pimps her out to rich men . She yells in sentences that are hard to understand and with her thick accent I cannot even tell if the bitch is talking in English, Spanish, Portugese or psychobabble drunk bitch spewage.
I can’t tell, but since fortunately I do speak Spanish as well as drunken psychobabble, I kinda sorta decipher what she was yelling about in between rants. What I understood she said was, some shit about Cristy the Crusty Clown being the vacuum cleaner of the neighborhood for horny 19 year old boys that come through her revolving door.
Larsa gets asked if her husband Scottie Pippen is a broke ass who blew through his 120 million and once again you can smell through the TV the uncomfortable fart of denial with the lame answer she gives. You know the bitch is broke that’s why she went on this show.
We also find out Alexia Cocaine Barbie’s son’s girlfriend dumped his ass because she must of watched the show and decided Cocaine Barbie has a creepy relationship with Pedro Jr. And everyone in Hialeah still thinks she has foot in mouth disease.
You can tell during this reunion that Adriana was pissed and blamed the other ho’s because their show flopped and it sucked ass. That’s why the bitch made that comment about the show needing six of her . She was also all drunk and loud, all desperate trying to pull a Teresa by yelling and cursing, hoping Bravo would give them a second chance if they bring in the drama. Andy mentions that there is a knock out, drag out fight, during the commercials, but never specifies if one of the bitches got punched in the face or what exactly happened. I was disappointed they didn’t bring Mama Elsa. Since that lizard looking witch was the best thing about this house ho’s franchise.
On the last episode of Real House Skanks Of Miami Lice. Larsa Pippen confirmed to the world she is worried that, her husband Scottie Pippen is a skirt chaser who may be going broke.When Mama Elsa La Bruja, told Larsa (LardAss) that she could sense Larsa was worried about a man. You could hear the record scratch in LardAss head and, then the sound of her own screaming voice going: HOW DOES SHE KNOW! HOW DOES SHE KNOW!. Then the denial, when LardAss kept on insisting she was worried about one of her sons instead. That was the second thing that gave it away that she was piiiisssseeed, that this old witch Elsa was telling her the TRUTH and exposing LardAss for the fraud she is. And LardAss didn’t like it. ‘Perfect’ and ‘cute’ MY ASS!!
LardAss should of just being grateful that Mama Elsa was trying to be cool and talk to her in private later. But NOOOO!!! Her emotional immaturity came out jumping all over the room, like a runaway pig at the county fair. When she kept attacking a scary ass looking but wise elderly Bruja, that was trying to spare her the embarrassment of telling her the poverty plagued, embarrasing future that awaits her, for being a bitch and an asshole that thinks she is above everyone and everything. Besides she is the one that was pestering Elsa and when Momma Elsa didn’t tell her something ‘perfect’ or ‘cute’ about her, LardAss just got all pissed off and flew off the handle and attacked Momma Elsa.
If LardAss really didn’t believe what Mamma Elsa told her, then her ass would of just laughed it off and not talked about it anymore. But NOOOOO!!!! Her ass was sooo worried and uncomfortable because she knew damn well, that La Bruja was telling her the TRUTH!!! The damn fugly truth and this made her uncomfortable and she knew it. LardAss was slipping down a shit rope, when she kept denying Mamma Elsa’s predictions. And the harder she tried to climb up that shit rope by bitching and moaning that she didn’t believe in what Momma Elsa told her , the more she slipped down that shit rope into a shit river and now she’s cursed. Way to go LardAss!
Does Everyone Want The Real Housewives Of Miami Lice Gonne Like Lice? Is The Reunion Live And Uncensored In Desperation To Stirr Drama?
While the Real Housewives Of Miami was not met with open arms . It had worst ratings than the Real House Ho’s Of DC. Andy Cohen and the Bravo powers that be, decided they gonna do a live reunion uncensored so maybe these beotches will not hold back and, Cristy will stop acting like she doesn’t fart or talks shit, and her true ‘Coobanna’ self will come out so that she can go all ape shit and lose it when Lea bitch slaps her for being a party crashing leach and a wanna be celebrity. I wanna see a Lea vs Cristy the Crusty match. More than likely thought is gonna be Adriana VS Cristy the Crusty because ya’ all know damn well that Lea makes Adriana do all her dirty work and seeks Adriana on Cristy like a pitbull with an accent.
I honestly would like to see these bitches again but I want me more Elsa make the show 95% about Elsa and her drunken garble.
The live reunion is going to air on April 5th at 9 p.m. ET. Extra security will be needed.
On this episode we get to meet Adriana’s weird ass boyfriend Frederic who acts like he’s some Casanova pimp dude. Adriana and Frederic have breakfast on their beautiful waterfront backyard. She brags to Frederic about the events from the previous night, and how she checked out the pretty boys and walked on the catwalk in a dare and started strutting her shit like a pro and blah, blah, blah. Frederic tells Adriana that he bets, all the other bitches were jealous of her. Adriana says she don’t give a flying monkey’s uncle that those ho’s are jealous of her. As a matter of fact, she enjoys it!
Adriana tells Frederic about all the boys she just likes to look at , but not touch.Yeah, because it’s not touching when your bumping and grinding in a sandwich between 2 guys. One of them happened to smell like a ripe hobo in the Miami summer!
I bet Frederic didn’t even notice his woman came home the previous night smelling like hobo and feces from letting that toupee blonde guy from the last episode, dry hump her. Frederick was too worried about Adriana noticing he smelled like that one hooker he was with, that had the one eye patch that he picked up at the docks , the previous night, the bitch smelled like feet and cigarettes mixed with 99 cent store Britney Smears perfume. Damn! this bitch and her boyfriend both got thick ass accents. I need subtitles.
Then Adriana starts telling Frederic a touching sweet story, about how she doesn’t get jealous of other bitches because she learned to share with her sisters.
‘ To me it’s surprising because I don’t have that jelaous streak in me, when I grew up I learned how to share and love my siters. So when I have a girlfriend I like to think of them like my sisters.’
And Frederic was all like… Whaaa??? Sorry I was totally not listening I was just staring at your boobs.
How come this scene feels familiar with my personal experience? Oh yeah! Because The Boss Man does that to me all the time.
Lea is bossing people around for gift baskets for her charity gala. She is yelling on her cheap ass razor phone demanding a gift basket for Kim Zolciak and her then girlfriend Tracy Young. Remember when Kim was a lesbian for a minute? Lea braggs that she is on a 3 month no sleep cocaine spree . For 3 straight months this bitch runs around like a coked out headless chicken in order to run her gala to help those unfotunate rich folk who go to jail and leave their families without the key to the families Bentley because it was in dad’s pocket when he got arrested for trying to date the 15 year old babysitter. Rich people problems ya’ all. I can tell Lea is telling the truth . She does stay up for 3 months she has the Don King hair to prove it too . HA HA HA HA!!! . Then after more lines of coke she is ready to go some more.
Lea makes everyone pay their 500 ticket even Adriana. Who slaves and whores her art and herself out for Lea for these events. She even licks stamps and envelopes and Lea’s ass too !
Then this bitch Cuban Barbie . Who’s doing her stepson, in order to have total control of the family magazine business. OOOHHH DID I SAY THAT OUTLOUD? SORRY ABOUT THAT!! I had a diarrheal case of Tourette syndrome there!
Cuban Barbie’s husband put her in charge of running their whole family magazine called Venue into the ground, while he chases 20 year old boys. Cuban Barbie’s stepson informs her that several people have come to him and told him that Cuban Barbies Magazine is super tacky and it sucks ass because the same reruns are posing on it.
OH NO YO’ DIDN’T BEOTCH!!
Cuban Barbie gets all offended and defensive and starts throwing her head sideways snaping and waging her fingers and yells BITCH DON’T YOU TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY MAGAZINE I RUN THIS MAGAZINE BITCH THOSE BITCHES DON’T KNOW WHAT THEIRS TALKING ABOUT I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S TACKY !!! YOU DONT TELL ME WHAT’S TACKY BITCH!!!
Cuban Barbie then calmly tries to explain during her camera interview how her magazine caters to poor ass ‘lower’ people who can’t afford the social life so the best way to bring it to them is by rubbing it in their faces while showing them tacky ass pictures in her crappy magazine. I like how this bitch keeps opening up her mouth and inserting foot in it. I also love how she tries to defend her decision to put the same ol’ people on the magazine, who are obviously her drinking bitches and buddies ;whom she is kissing ass to, in order to promote them. I didn’t think that she was up to these shenanigans at first but since she just told the world I guess we know now, dumb bitch! Open mouth insert foot.
Then some happy crappy music. We get to meet this big gay animated character named Chef Pepin, who is hosting a cooking lesson party for Cristy and the other house skanks. How come these ho’s are always having these cooking party’s and none of them even knows how to cook .
Chef Pepin makes some Cuban chicken and rice meal . Larsa says the cooking lesson was a joke because the Chef was opening cans and cooking in a crock pot. Adrianna also bitches and says that the chef opening cans was junk. These bitches wanted to see the chef cook everything from scratch no shortcuts.
I think next time Cristy has a cooking lesson she should make sure that the chef puts Adriana and Larsa both, in charge of chasing the chicken and have one of them hold it down while the other bitch chops its head off. Then they can both pluck the feathers and clean it . I’d like to see that. That will teach them! Cuban Barbie says she is jealous the chef made the whole thing about him . Stupid Cuban Barbie everything cant be about you pendeja!
Lea is pissed she got invited to this bullshit waste of 3 hours luncheon. So she ditches the other ho’s since she has to work non stop and Cristy doesn’t have a trainload of lines of coke at this luncheon.
Since Chef Pepin was too animated for these ho bags and he was taking away all their spotlights they all ditch him in the kitchen and go get hammered outside.
While outside, Adriana gets a phone call from her son’s school and gets bitched out by the school for forgetting that her son gets out early on this day. Adriana starts freaking out and says she forgot all about it . Adriana is sitting there moaning and whinning instead of jumping in her car and driving like a bat out of hell to go pick up her little son, like I would of done, who by this time is by himself at the school’s parking lot, where any pedophile can kidnap that baby.
Instead She sits there crying and calling her boyfriend Mr. Casanova to pick up the little hellion. Mr. Casanova must of being busy porking some other ho’ cause he turned around, got pissed and hung up on Adriana . Adriana gets all butt hurt and cries to the other ho’s about how Casanova is a prick for hanging up on her like that.The other bitches get all pissed at Adrianna for making the drama all about her.
Cuban Barbie tells Adrianna she is a flake and an idiot, for not remembering to pick up her son. And also tells her she is an irresponsible ho’, for calling Frederic who is in the middle of working, to pick up her son, instead of getting up off her lazy ass and sitting there bullshiting, while having lunch with her girlfriends.
After all the bitches took turns beating up Adrianna for being stupid, they all turned around and ultimately blamed the whole thing on Casanova and told Adrianna to dump Casanova because he is worthless and now needs Viagra on top of that.
When Adrianna sees Frederic again she tells him that she is gonna dump his worthless ass, ’cause he hung up on her and didn’t want to pick up her little son.
Casanova tells her he hung up because he was busy, doing some chick and was almost there making a business deal . Then he bullshits her and says that little tyke is his little baby and he wouldn’t leave the little baby out there in the parking lot. Yeah he better mean that or she really better dump his dick ! Then he offers her French guacamole ’cause hes moody like that.
Larsa has 2 sidekick paid friends ala Cuntmille Grammer whom agree with her that the Chef Pepin lesson was a bunch of bullshit, because he used a crockpot instead of harvesting and picking the rice from scratch.
Larsa’s mom has flown from Chicago to help Larsa with the children and to teach her how to properly fire a useless nanny. You can tell her mom taught her to be the queen diva firing bitches and what-not. Larsa complains to her momma about how the lazy nanny doesn’t even pack her children’s clothes . Mama says to her DIDN’T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING LARSA I THOUGHT I ALREADY TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FIRE USELESS BITCHES DO I HAVE TO DO IT? Larsa’s momma says that she will fire the lazy nanny and deport her too. Larsa and her momma high-five each other. Firing nannies is the best way for them to bond .
Marysol is having her makeup done by Walter Mercado. WOW! I guess that’s what happened to him. She tells Walter she wants eyeliner inside her eye. Walter tells her in the most gayest thickest Cuban accent, GIRLFRIEND THAT IS SO 1998 AND IT LOOKS HORRIBLE! But Marysol insist and says she don’t give a crap how tacky or 1858 that chola eyeliner crap looks like and insist that Walter Mercado puts eyeliner inside her eye. She also wants a major eye infection.
HAAAAAAAA!!!!! AAAAWWWW SHIIIIT!! IT’S ELSA THE LOVELY WITCH OF THE EAST COAST !!! THAT SCARED ME!
I wasn’t prepared for all that loveliness . Even thought we are all falling in love with ‘Elsa The Witch’. Still, Bravo needs to put a warning before they show Elsa’s scary mug of beauty. At least until we all get used to her.
Momma Elsa tells Marysol she looks like a peasant that cleans toilets for a living and to quit pretending she is rich.
A bunch of celebrities show up to the Lea gala . Including Gloria Stephan . Also non celebrity but more like shitlebrity Kim Zolciak and her then girlfriend Tracy Young back when Kim had that quick case of minute gay.
Next Cristy crashes the party with her 2 friends. What exactly is she saying to them when they all all arrive? It sounds to me like she is instructing these friends to lie and tell everyone they got a flat tire or some shit, and this why they are all late to the party and didn’t buy a ticket. If she was instructing them to go along with her bullshit story I wonder if she forgot the cameras around recording her, just like all the other housewives who seem to forguet this shit.
After all the tight security that Lea had probing and doing cavity searches and what-not. Cristy manages to sneak pass them without being stopped or questioned. Lea needs to fire the security team.
Surprisingly none of the security guards got fired and Cristy didn’t get escorted, slapped or even yelled at for crashing the party and not paying the 500 dollar invitation. Instead all she got was the cold shoulder from the hostess who kept walking around her trying to avoid her and giving her the evil eye. WTFUCK? No confrontation until Watch What Happens happened and Lea called Cristy a ‘thousand dollar hooker’ . That’s her new name!
These bitches show has not even started yet, but already at least 1 of them along with her mom, is already living the scandalous life of a Real House Skank. Marysol Patton who wil be starring in the next Real Housewives Of Miami got arrested for DUI and so did her mom on a separate occasion. See mugshots below.
When it comes to getting busted, this soon-to-be reality star likes to keep it all in the family.
E! News has confirmed thatReal Housewives of Miami‘s Marysol Patton—and her mom, Elsa—were both busted separately for DUIs last year, and we got the mug shots to prove it.
Like mother, like daughter…
Terry Chavez, spokeswoman for the Florida State Attorney’s Office, tells E! News that the younger Patton, a Miami-based publicist, was pulled over in January 2010 on suspicion of drunken driving.
She subsequently struck a deal with prosecutors that saw her plead no contest to a lesser charge of reckless driving to evade jail time. In exchange, she was fined $1,000 plus $581 in court costs. Not to mention that priceless mug shot.
As for her mama, Elsa Patton was busted for DUI last October. While details of the 76-year-old’s arrest are scarce, the case ended up being dismissed on Dec. 6 when her arresting officer failed to show up to court to testify.
A rep for Bravo was unavailable for comment.
This bitches mom looks like that Lord Voldemort from Harry potter and a gila monster had a baby together and it resulted in her . Scary bitches!
