Bethenny has carpenter crack in the mornings! Then she tells her assistant that Jill is spewing their binezz all over the press and spoke to the Crasher about how Bethenny and her are no longer friends but rather ‘frenemies’ then she says what are we? Thirteen- twenty six?. Hey! 26 is old enough to know better but I guess some people can be 50 and still act stupid.

Bethennyispiss off over this bullshit ass fight with Jill and she is floored that Jill has told the Crasher that Bethenny is fighting with everybody not just her which is a bunch of bullshit .  She states that Bethenny has cut ties with the other women when in reality Bethenny was the one blackballed by nonsensical fashion events as she  puts it  .

Bethenny wants to tear Jill and the Countless a new asshole each and it’s understandable. If it looks like a Jill and it walks like a Jill then it probably is a Jill. Perez Hilton reached out to Bethenny and said to her you should hear the interesting things that Jill Zarin said about you!’ Then Bethenny calls him a termite!.  Bethenny says she don’t want her mug on one of those ‘blogger’ sites! Well too late hon’! Bethenny states she wants to reach out to Jill and try and mend their friendship. Too late.

Kelly gets interviewed  for her playboy article by some kind of a sewer rat. For reasons that we will never understand Kelly finds the pervy sewer rat very sexy,  and right away she throws her panties and bra at it. She also started humping his leg. When she is talking to the confessional camera her skin looks totally toasted . When she went to the tanning salon she ordered the  lobster red,  beef jerky, skin soaked, in pig fat special tanning  session. Which consist of Kelly getting soaked in pig fat and then she is laid inside a giant waffle iron for like 6 hours straight. That’s how she gets her sexy glowing skin people! Well at least she thinks it looks sexy. She looks like a thankgiving turkey all covered in butter that got burned! Kelly goes to that tanning salon so often to have this treatment done, they even gave her ass, a punch card and the 11th tanning session is free.

 The pervy sewer rat interviewer asks Kelly if she ever posed nude before or at least with a dispossable camera.Kelly says never! But then she remembers that there was this one time when she needed a ride when she left her hometown for NYC and she had to hitchhike. So she got picked up by this greasy hairy truck driver who drove to NYC  in exchange for a hand job and Polaroids of her topless.

This is a picture of him below:

 You Bitches know you want this sexy man meat here! I am so jealous of Kelly for getting groped by this super hunk!

And there was  that one time when  she   went topless  at  a devil worshipping orgy she attended ,then she says it was  all very freeing. Kelly of course continues throwing herself at the sewer rat,  and asks him stupid shit, like for example if he saw the shoot of her being nakid ,  she asks him what he thought of it and blah, blah, blah.The sewer rat can tell Kelly is  a total retard but tolerates her because he wants to get in her pants, and he is used to dumb bitches like her anyways.

You see this sewer rat gets a lot of bootey calls from all the thousand of ho’s with daddy issues and Attention Whore Personality Disorders Symdrome,  he interviews on a daily basis, that pose bare ass  for Playboy. So Kelly is just another bootey call.

Then she asks him What was I doing in the pictures? And he says ’stuff’  Then she asks like a dumb ass ‘What stuff? Delusional Kelly also believes that a lot of people want to see her Sasquatch ass nakid. The pervy sewer rat interviewer laughs all perverted and gives her this up and down raunchy look. Kelly finally gets the sewer rat to asks her out and she gives him her number.

Then as she walks away and says bye to him she walks into an iron pole and is knocked out. Since this is is New York City people just walk by, and figure she is just a street wino who passed out drunk and peed herself  on the sidewalk,so they just ignore her .
 Later we learn the sewer rat stood her up and didn’t call her but Kelly says she didn’t call him. Whateves ! The sewer rat stood Kelly up because another loose ho’ that was younger and hotter than her became available for a quickie when the sewer rat and Kelly where supposed to go out. Well what the fuck did she expect from a sewer rat? Dumb broad!

Notice how right before the show the Countless they show a bath house ! It must be the place LuAnn works at, giving old men blow jobs. Now that she is Countless she needs some extra money to maintain her Countess lifestyle. She is having a conversation withherdaughter Victoria about how talented Victoria is  with her fashion drawings and tells her she can arrange for Victoria an internship at some fashion designers firm.

Victoria starts questioning LuAnn if she is dating anybody special and LuAnn tells her no not any serious suitors just bootie calls my dear. Then Victoria tells LuAnn please just stay away from guys that are 20 to 30 years younger than you that go to my school it is very creepy! Oh yeah and stay away from blondes! I want those for myself!

Now on to Ally and her moma Jill. Ally is posing for Seventeen Magazine and it seems that mama Jill has to be there to control the shoot and make sure Ally doesn’t FUCK IT UP!. So Jill is sitting there shouting orders at Ally while she poses . Kelly shows up wearing the bathroom rug that smells like cat pee again. Looking like one of the Geico cavemen.  Jill continues to control the photoshoot and yells orders at Ally like ’shake it baby’ and ‘can you feel it!’ .Then out of nowhere a mysterious high heeled shoe flies and hits Jill in the face knocking her ass out! I think she pissed off the Seventeen Magazine people there; and someone they managed to throw that shoe at her. They had a hired hit on her ass.

Alex had all the Bitches come over to her ghetto ass hood in Brooklyn for some bullshit fashion show she is in charge of throwing. All the designers suck and it looks like the clothes came out of the deep anus of the eighties some of that  hideous shit didn’t even looked designed but more like it was scavenge at the thrift store.

While all this was going on Kelly and Bethenny started to growl then they started barking at each other finally they got into a fist fight Bethenny pulled wads of Bigfoots hair and in the end Alex had to step in and  yell at all those crazy ho’s to shut the fuck up and smack them 3 stooges style because that is the only way their monkey ass understands anything. Damn Alex had to get violent. I didn’t think she had it in her but surprise she does! Very proud of Alex at this moment.

 Finally it all calms down and the Bitches manage to pick out a Brooklyn designer who has clothes that these ho’s would actually wear. Ramona even finds herself a dress with a hooker zipper crotch that Mario can take advantage of when he is not with his mistress. You know the nights he is actually home.

In the end they all got drunk and passed out.

Next stop is crazy eyes Ramona and her friend Joni. Why is this bitch in every other episode ? I’m telling you she wants to be the next house ho in this circus of bullshit. Doesn’t this twat read the blogs and realize that we’re gonna monkey clown on her silly ass?

 I wonder if Ramona payed the dinner bill this time remember Joni on the boat talking shit about Ramona being a cheap skank that didn’t pay Joni’s lunch check?

We learn some revealing and disturbing  things about Ramona and her past and the reasons she wont go to Brooklyn. Ramona fesses up to Joni that her dad was an abusive crazy asshole alcoholic who beat the shit out of her and her mom when they lived at the projects in the bad part of town and so Ramona had to run to Brooklyn with her mom to her Nana’s house to get away from her abusive dad then she cries and says that she got to see her papa 2 weeks before he died because Mario told her to . Wow! That explains so much! Now we know why Ramona is a Pinot Grigio wino with raging diarrhea of the mouth crazy Bitch!

Kelly is sitting with her paid bitch assistant and tells her that she is not going to date that Playboy sewer rat that interviewed her . I think what really happened the sewer rat never called her because he met a younger blonder hotter bimbo.However  Kelly insist it was her idea to not go out with him because she don’t want to mix business with pleasure. Bitch please he flaked on you and you just didn’t want to look dumb!

Then Kelly gets an email from Jill  were she tells her to quit talking to that Bitch Bethenny if she wants to remain friends with Jill or else bad things are gonna happen. Damn! Now she is bulling and trying to control that Bitch too and who she talks to and who she is friends with ? What’s next is she gonna send LuAnn to her house to kick her ass because she talks to Bethenny now? What a Bitch! Controlling much?

Bethenny is outside Jill’s apartment and calls her up on her cell phone to speak to her about all the fuckery going on between the two of them and to try and clear things up. But Jill is such a miserable Bitch she puts Bethenny on speaker blasts so that LuAnn can hear their conversation and laugh at poor Bethenny for trying to salvage her and Jills bullshit friendship . Bethenny asks Jill if anyone is there listening to this fuckery but Jill flat out lies and says that only her assistant is there listening but doesn’t mention LuAss. What a lying asshole!

She does the same exact shit she did to Ramona that day she put her on speaker while the CuntAss was there. I wonder if there is a section in her book that tells you how to fuck with peoples emotions like she is doing to Bethenny.

 Jill talks to Bethenny with this condescending tone of bitch voice as if Bethenny was below her and must get on her knees and beg for her friendship. Bethenny tells Jill that she has blown this whole misunderstanding out or proportion and Jill asks her in the most smart ass way ‘what is that mean?’LOOK IT UP BITCH! Then her and LuAnn laugh at Bethenny.

Then she tells Bethenny the only way she will be her friend is if  she crawls on broken glass that was smeared with dog shit and begs Jill  ” Please forgive me be my friend” In a dog barky voice. Then Jill says“sike!” And her and LuAnn laugh at Bethenny calling her a dumb ass!

Bethenny’s frustrated at how these Bitches are playing with her and is crying and asks Jill why she went off telling everyone about their fight but Jill is just a Bitch and turns everything to be Bethenny’s fault and says that Bethenny did not drop everything in her life to rush to her side to see Bobby in the hospital and that Bethenny is supposed to be physcic and know that Bobby had serious cancer.

 Bethenny however says she had no idea just how really sick Bobby was since Jill has ran amuck all over town and taken fabulous trips and partying with Sancho’s including that used tampon Jonn Gosselin and Lindsey Lohan’s daddy so Bethenny had no idea Bobby was in the hospital dying since Jill did not appear to be by his bedside feeding him soup while he was slashed from ear to ear. All this shit sound verrrrry suspicious because  all the lame excuses Jill has for being pissed at Bethenny and cutting her out of her life are lame LAME!

Like the lame bullshit excuse she first tried to sell everybody by saying that Bethenny told her to ‘get a hobby!’ then there is that lame excuse of Bethenny not rushing to Jill’s side to see Bobby in the hospital and says that Bethenny sending flowers was not enough. Bethenny emailed Jill and asked her how Bobby was doing but Jill of course did not email Bethenny back because either A she is a cunt bitch or B she was too busy galloping around town and partying with Sanchos and douche bags to give a shit and Bobby was not really that sick or Jill just didn’t really give a shit she just wanted to use Bobby’s illness as an excuse to be a ranging cunt to Bethenny because she didn’t want Bethenny to bring up Jill’s escapades with the Sancho’s while Bobby was sick. 

Then when Bethenny brings up the partying and vacationing in Europe  that Jill was doing while Bobby was sick Jill hangs up on her because she wants to be in control of everything even when the conversations and friendships are over.

 In the end Bethenny is outside emotional and crying obviously Jill never gave a shit about Bethenny because her and the CuntAss are sitting there laughing at her saying Bethenny hits below the belt, and that they are both sweating from anxiety. I bet now Jill must be really sweating from anxiety after she realized that her fans are not supporting her spoiled bitch cunt, rag, ways and her bullshit and that she is going to have a hard time peddling that book since it’s going in the 33 cent pile at Big Lots and 90% of her fans have now turned on her after seeing her true colors.