During the last episode of the Real HouseSkanks Of The OC , Tamra found out her boobs are still a size D and Vicki’s are double FF  Circus Teeties. While at the bra store Tamra yells out to the world that Briana eloped and is now doing it with her new husband. Vicki covers Tamra’s big mouth to shut it up because she is embarrassed her daughter ran off to marry since in Vicki’s mind (and what she tells everyone in town) Briana is still a virgin and holding her virginity until marriage ala Teresa Giudice style.

Then, Vicki sobs and admits the real reason she is pissed that Briana ran off to get married is because she messed up Vicki’s hope to run, control, stress over agonize and handle all of the aspects of Vicki’s  I mean Briana’s wedding; and if she could Vicki would also like to take control and handle all of Briana’s marriage situations after the wedding. So, this way Vicki can be happy. NOT!

Later on Slimey puts on some spandex (OH LAWD WHY!?) and heads out to ride bikes with Gretchen’s dad, this way he can also asks Gretchen’s dad for her hand in marriage. Gretchen’s dad response, first he laughs in Slimey’s face then he says something like: SHE IS A BIG GIRL, AND I DOUBT SHE’LL MARRIED A BROKE ASS SLIME BUCKET DEAD BEAT LIKE YOU, WITH  A TRAIL OF LEGAL TROUBLES WHO THINKS HE IS A STAR. So much for that!

Then, we find out it takes Gretchen four hours to cement on her makeup if not she looks like this:

Meanwhile Gretchen is having lunch with Tamra and her ears are ringing so she tells Tamra that she doesn’t want to marry loser Slimey because she knows he is a broke ass and all of his child support debts will become hers but, she keeps him around anyways so this way she can have a story line to sell us and someone to run to the store when she needs tampons, that’s what their relationshit is based on.

Then, they start talking about how Tamra is starting a gym without equipment only classes, (people can go on youtube and watch free exercise videos for that shit, just saying) and about how everyone will have to wear gowns to the Wines BY Wives event where Vicki will announce Briana’s recent elopement and later ambush Bri with an introduction to the new con man in her life whom her children haven’t met yet, even thought this asshole whom no one knows what he does for a living already knows all of Vicki’s email, Facebook and bank account passwords, not to mention the fact that, he drives Vicki’s cars around town and Vicki pays for his meals expensive hotels and designer clothes. These are the concerns Briana and all of America have but, smart business lady Vicki has no answers to these concerns. Like I said before, why doesn’t this desperate bitch just hire a gigolo instead?  They will tell her everything she wants to hear and is cheaper in the long run. Vicki may be business smart but street dumb. Truck driver tits Tamra seems to be more street smart but, Vicki who thinks she knows it all wouldn’t listen to Tamra’s advice when it comes to dipshit Crooked Brooks until her ass is on the street homeless, broke, toothless and wearing a barrel because Brook The Crook conned her out of all of her shit.

When all the other ho’s show up at the event Tamra brings her beardy son Ryan (who  is now a werewolf who rents-to-own couches) as her date, and we also find out that in OC NO ONE dresses up. WHAT?! I am confused here, don’t these bitches always run around wearing big hooker stilettos with their chi-chis hanging out and huge ass rapper-50 lb necklaces and shit like that? They are always dressed up. Well call me Billy and send me to the Beach in flip-flops(beach-billy) because to me it looks like they’re always dressed up ALWAYS.  Like HOOKERS working the corner but, they do dress up EVERYDAY so I don’t know why they’re saying they never do. OKAY THEN.

When all the ho’s arrive in their fancy dresses Baby Joker Face starts throwing her opinion around about how in the ghetto ass OC these bitches don’t know how to dress up fancy or how to behave at such foo foo la la events because someone already stuck their middle finger in the potato salad and blah, blah, blah.

While Baby Joker Face is standing there pointing out people’s un-fancy behavior her point is made when  banjos start playing  to announce that AlexAss is in the room, the bitch shows up wearing road kill, with a short skirt and is late because she couldn’t find her other braincell, the one that still kinda works.

Vicki forces her son Michael to go meet Crooked Brooks and of course Michael starts smelling bullshit right away.  Brooks gives Michael his selling pitch and tells him how he knows Michael is a great person and loves him blah, blah, blah. Then, the asshole has the nerve to bring up Briana’s elopement and is acting as if he is known Michael for many years, this pisses Michael off to no end and wants to punch this douche right in his mouth.  By this time the smell of bullshit was so strong Michael’s eyes are watery, he feels nauseous and needs to jump through the window, anything to get away from Brook’s creepy ass spewage. Michael finally makes an escape but the poor thing had a nasty taste in his mouth that lasted for days as if he ate a shit sandwich, after meeting that weirdo Brooks. POBRECITO!

Well Briana and her husband Mr. Briana J (Hi Nikki!) finally show up and before they meet Crooked Brooks, Vicki decides to do a big ass announcement that her daughter went off to Vegas to get hitched.  But, before Vicki gets to the point she is going on and on about Briana and the shenanigans she pulled,  so people thought some bad shit happened to her until Vicki says she got married and everyone was like OH THAT’S IT? BUT SHE IS FINE RIGHT? Gretchen wonders where Briana got the ‘brass balls’ to elope knowing who her monster, I mean mother is.

Surprisingly Michael learned of his sisters elopement adventures in Vegas from Facebook and thinks it was “shocking and disgusting” at least he knows who his mother is.

Later on Brooks turns up the creep factor and tells Vicki and Tamra how he admires, respects and looooves their sons who are pillars of society who will change the world whom he is only met like two minutes ago. Tamra wants to laugh and spit her wine in Brook’s face, I am surprise she held it together and didn’t spit on him, that was a miracle that took Tamra a lot of self restraint. Proud of her. What the fuck am I saying, NO I AM NOT! I rather see Tamra be Tamra the bitch hardly ever disappoints me with her no filter mouth. That’s why I love Tamra despite all the shit I talk about the crazy bitch, it is done with looove, I curl up my lips as I pronounce it loooove.

Finally the moment arrives for Brooks to go on full creep mode and meet Briana and Ryan. Briana wants to throw up the minute she hears the bullshit that’s coming out of this douche’s mouth and isn’t buying the cheap-swamp-lake creepy ass Hallmark asshole-sucking speech he is throwing at her. BRIANA DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT HIM BECAUSE SHE CAN’T! When Vicki insists that they get along Briana gives her a ‘fuck you’ attitude . Brooks can tell Briana can’t stand him and can see RIGHT THROUGH HIM and HE KNOWS IT.

Vicki keeps pushing that they all get along and says that her situation with Crooked Brooks is the same as Briana and Ryan. Briana flips out and says HELL NO IT’S NOT THE SAME! Vicki almost has a heart attack from her daughter’s latest telling that bitch like it is smack down disrespect and Brooks almost loses it. You can see it in Brook’s eyes that he is flaming pissed and his face says that he wants to get up be his true nasty self and yell some obscenities at Bri. But, suddenly he remembers where he is at and totally holds himself back because he has his eyes on the prize and doesn’t want to let Vicki’s kids mess that up.  We will see about that, since being on National TV is not going to help keep those skeletons in that closet of his, is only going to bring them out dancing.

Check out this video spoof from TVGasms.

This is the continuation of Gretchen Rossi’s Pussycat Doll Performance, after she introduces the Pussycat Dolls she goes backstage and gets her sequin underwear on and gets ready for her bomb performance.

While Gretchen is backstage squeezing her ass into her puta outfit all these young hot performer bitches are shaking their Pussycats and polishing the strip poles shinny. Jimbo Bellino is in need of a super absorbent towel from all the drooling he is doing.  AlexAss however, wants to believe her husband is not enjoying that porn freak show because those women are ‘sinful’ and none of these bitches dress anywhere near what AlexAss wears on a daily basis, since Jimbo only enjoys conservative, covered up to the neck church dresses and not those cleavage-showing, low-cut hooker tops with the short pantiless skirts and fuck me clod-hoppers. OH NO! ALEXASS WOULD NEVER WEAR THAT! When has anyone seen  Saint AlexAss wear shit like that? So, of course his Hinney Reverent Jimballs would never enjoy such debauchery in his face! BITCH PLEASE! The sad thing is, how old is this trick like 35? 40? And she believes that her husband is NOT enjoying this PussyCat And Tittie In Yo’ Face Show. OH NO Jimbo is just there to be ‘supportive’ and I bet he like to support some of them titties in his two hands. Does this dumb ass AlexAss know the meaning of NAIVE? Or PENDEJA!

The other PENDEJA that’s wearing that wool over her eyes real tight is Vicki Gunvalson. Bitch thinks that because Brooks The Crooks is from the ‘South’ he has NEVER seen burlesque in your face raunchiness of this level. Doesn’t she know his ass spends all the allowance she gives him at the Moulin Rouge tittie bar? Brooks looks like the type of sloppy motherfucker that HANGS AROUND and is a REGULAR at various strip clubs and even has several bar tabs going on at some of these fine establishments. Shit, I bet the bitches at these Puterios know him by name. Is that where he spend his child support payment money? Well at least he is putting some of these strippers’ children through college.

Gretchen decides the best way to distract everyone from the fact that she cannot sing worth shit was to scream the words into the microphone while flashing her inner Pussycat. Eardrums were shattered and bleeding, dogs that lived all the way down the shore in Southern Cali heard this mess and thought the Apocalypse was here so they started barking all crazy and 75% of the Pussycat Theater patrons asked for their money back and sued the establishment for bleeding eardrums. It was a disaster!

After this disaster that left people maimed and deaf, Gretchen has an after party for her and all the ho’s who just got done clowning on her so-called performance. But, since these bitches always forget there are cameras filming their comments, they all put on their happy clown face and lie through their teeth to make Gretchen believe they thought her performance was fantastic and would make Celine Dion look like an amateur wannabe. I can’t keep a straight face typing that shit.

Vicki gives Gretchen a present, says she is sorry (damn must have been some good Southern blow she was snorting!) And then, she stands there waiting for that bitch Gretchen to apologize back to her like a busboy expecting a tip from a VIP guest. Gretchen just laughs at that bitch and gives her a half ass ‘sorry’ then looks at her like ‘what the fuck you want from me now bitch!.’ Ho’ bag Vicki is not satisfied with Gretchie’s lame apology.

Slimey was high out of his brain and thought Gretchen’s performance was superb. That Pussycat Catwoman that hooked up Gretchen with this gig was glad it was over and told the Fab Choreographer Gay Guy, that this was AWFUL and kept screaming NEVER AGAIN!

Gretchen is pissed off at AlexAss for not giving her a present like everyone else but, instead gave her a prayer that didn’t do the trick of making Gretchen sound like Beyonce. You can’t expect The Almighty to waste miracles like that on people like Gretchen the Wretchen.

Another fucktwat that showed up was that crazy bitch Sarah Winchester. Security at the nut house she lives at must have been asleep because this bitch got out. Sarah goes up to Vicki to apologize for her drunken harassing babblings when she followed Vicki around the bowling alley that one time and Vicki accepts the apology since she couldn’t get one from Gretchen. Beggars can’t be choosers!

In the morning everyone is hung over playing poker and Vicki is still complaining that Gretchen didn’t kiss her ass apologizing. Baby Joker Face and husband decide is time to fly back to OC because they‘ve had enough of Vicki’s complaining. Gretchen is in her room waking up with her Kim Zolciak wig and full on hooker-clown makeup because she doesn’t wash her face at night. You see, the type of makeup she sells is the type you don’t wash off you’re just supposed to apply more on, until it forms an encrusted mummified face mask  that stays on for decades and has to be surgically removed. That’s some good makeup. Slimey tells Gretchen that he’s never worked in his life and she should too!

When they all go back to the OC Vicki is taking Crooks on a tour of the house that ended her frienshit with Jeana Keough because she is the bitch that sold her the house. Crooks can’t hide his erection while touring the house because he knows he hit the jackpot with this lonely sugar mamma. Meanwhile Vicki is crying because, well I don’t remember why this bitch was crying but Crooks is happy counting the dollars in Crooks Vicki’s bank accounts.

AlexAss takes Gretchen’s advice and gets herself a coach to help her pretend she is a newscaster. The coach points out to this dumb trick her choice of outfit when interviewing people about children becoming sexualized was totally inappropriate because only an oblivious simpleton like AlexAss would wear the same hooker tits in your face outfit some gutter-whore would wear when she films a glory hole porn-flick at the  truck-stop  bathroom gas station, she also tells her she can’t speak for shit and needs to get Jimblows dick out of her mouth so she can enunciate her words and sound like a professional TV reporter.  Then, she tells her to get the fuck out of her face because she is hopeless.

Later on Gretchen, Slimey, Baby Joker Face and her husband Dr. Pervy Dubrow all go out for a double date to talk shit about what a phony, wannabe-rich AlexAss is. Slimey proudly announces he knows he is a Slime Balls Squid and is proud to be the world’s biggest King Douchebag. Aren’t they all just a bunch of cute fuckers!

Aaand finally Vicki gets the biggest Pussycat bomb dropped on her droopy head when her daughter Briana and Briana’s new man take Vicki out for drinks and to tell her that they did a quickie Vegas drive-through eloping wedding. Vicki’s look on her face was priceless I mean the bitch looked like she was about to have a seizure from the anger that she was not allowed to meddle and control this girls wedding. But, don’t worry Vicki got her wish in the end since Briana and her new husband just recently had a big ass wedding  for Vicki and had Vicki planning and stressing and obsessing over it and now she is happy again.

I don’t understand why Vicki said she is so upset and crying every night over Briana’s recent nuptials she should be happy her daughter is alive and well  and is still capable of pissing her off, Vicki cries as if Briana died or some shit and it’s not like Briana married Slade Slimey either. So get over it bitch!

On last night’s episode AlexAss invites Gretchen over to watch her Fox 5 news segment.  The same one where this ho’ supposedly interviewed some people that she couldn’t even pronounce their names, about how children get sexualized real early nowadays while her porn size tits where hanging out in these people’s faces and she completely bulldozed over the segment making it all about her fucked up opinions that nobody gives a shit about by talking real loud a mile a minute and didn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.

AlexAss thinking she is the hot news caster she believes in her pea brain she is, asks Gretchen what she thinks of her segment, and that bitch just starts busting up laughing at this trick and tells her she needs a coach and that Fox 5 news, first asked Gretchen to do the segment and has been harassing Gretchen ever since.  Even while AlexAss was over there doing the hosting they were calling Gretchen on the phone begging her to replace AlexAss who is terrible and is only embarrassing herself stuttering her words with her chichis hanging out. AlexAss is about to bust a nut on her new nose and gets all butt hurt at Gretchen clowning on her and telling her how she was Fox 5′s second choice.

Baby Joker Face has to remind us that she is an ‘actress’ and will be auditioning for some bullshit they’re filming in Canada or some shit. Her husband Dr. Pervy  Dubrow starts asking her how this will affect her housewife/mom life and before Baby Joker Face tears his eyes out he backs off and says he is supportive and will get her nannies and servants to follow her to Canada if she chooses to go forward with this acting project, realistic and fair. I like that, and I like that Baby Joker Face doesn’t put up with crap even if he is the one bringing in the cheese she still holds his nuts in her designer purse. I like that!

Now get ready for the complete opposite at the Bellino rented faux-mansion. Where a teary AlexAss tries to buy her way with Jimbo by bringing him fresh lemonade but, that shit doesn’t work with him when she asks Jimbo if she can get a life coach to help with her sucky news casting ( I guess she knows she sucks and took Gretchie’s advice) and Jimbo just shuts her down and tells that bitch NO! Jimbo wants AlexAss to stay at home barefoot and pregnant and doesn’t want to hear any lip back from her. AlexAss wants a career because she is tired of getting evicted and having her cars repoed by Apollo Nida. But, Jimbo shuts her down and tells her to get back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich. I think this ho’ needs to take lessons from the Baby Joker Face’s,  Modern Spoiled Housewife School of How to Make your Husband Bring Home the bacon and Boss him Around Too.

Now it’s Gretchie’s turn to get laughed at when she arrives at the Pussycat Doll Theater for rehersal, and some gay guy and his gang of professional dancing bitches are laughing at Gretchen’s pathetic attempt at singing. Gretchen insists and keeps complaining that the reason her voice is shitty is because of the yelling match with Vicki four weeks ago. Fab Gay Guy isn’t having it, and straight up tell this delusional ho’ she sucks ass because she doesn’t sound like a Pussycat Doll but more like a dying mangy one-eyed cat and wonders what the fuck she is doing at the Pussycat Doll Theater and why she bothered showing up embarrassing herself and shit. LOVED IT!

The other ho’s pile up in a limo and all of them clown on AlexAssHole’s pretentious ass and her bullshit stories about how she owns a fleet of cars and they keep getting repoed every 21 days or some shit. Meanwhile,  AlexAss’s ears are ringing while she is having some makeup artist cover up the black eyes she is sporting and makes her look like this here:

I don’t really see the difference from her usual clown face.

Next week Gretchen flops big time while all the other House Skanks witness it and point and laugh!

I didn’t have a chance to read the blog that AlexAss Bellino’s husband Reverent Jimbo Taliban Bellino wrote, where he is supposedly defending his ‘character’ (really? he has character?) against all the bloggers who clowned on him for shit that was already out there about him and his shady shenanigans.  I’m usually at work all the time so I don’t get that much time to blog about these ho’s so, equally I didn’t have a chance to read this douche’s rant. One of my  blogger friends Stoopidhousewives (and our blogs are friends too, she is funny as hell check her blog out) send me a link about what this doofus was saying. He posted on his rant a screenshot of the blog from Stoopidhousewives  who also has a link to one of the blogs I did on the Bellinos when the kids fell in the pool.

Apparently Jimbo is fuming pissed at Stoopidhousewives for blogging about him on a post titled:

“ALEXIS BELLINO: JIMBO IS GOIN’ ROGUE!!… JIMBO WRITING HIS OWN TAKE ON THE RHOOC!”

This is from Jimblob’s blog:

False Report #1 | The above screenshot is a comment made on a webpage entitled, “ALEXIS BELLINO: JIMBO IS GOIN’ ROGUE!!… JIMBO WRITING HIS OWN TAKE ON THE RHOOC!” This comment links to a page filled with utterly false and inaccurate claims. The fact that they suggest that everything here is true is an insult to my intelligence and character. After seeing my documentation below, it ought to be an insult to your intelligence as well.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but no one is entitled to reinvent the truth. It just goes to show you that the media and anyone who has access to the internet has a blank checkbook to destroy your integrity—don’t think it can’t happen to you. Lets see if these same websites choose to disclose these factual documents and/or delete their false reports. I respectfully request all of these websites, after reviewing these facts, to delete their false reports.

Jimbo also gets all pissed that Stoopidhousewives made a comment about his name sounding more Italian than Armenian. I wondered that myself before? Jimbo then goes on to post a birth certificate he says it’s his, where his name appears as James Carlos Bellino.

Check this shit out:

False Report #2 | Accusations of name change: A story that I changed my last name to “sound Italian” or hide my past began circulating during 2010. Here’s the fiction from a website written by a “SUPER FAN” of all the franchises who appears to have a great deal of time on their hands:

Okay so lets say that is his authentic birth certificate and he is Armenian with a Italian sounding name. IT STILL DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY HIS NAME IS ITALIAN!. He doesn’t explain it, he just says that’s the name I was born with. Sooo??? What’s the deal with the name? Why is his name Italian? He doesn’t explain it. See the problem with that? Which is the reason Stoopidhousewives made that comment about him changing his name to sound more Italian.

Jimbo and his chimplant.

Ever since Jimbo’s ass got all pissed and can’t handle all the shit that’s out there about him  he went into hiding and quit the show. Now he is bitching because he couldn’t handle the exposure of his shenanigans that comes with fame. All because he wanted to pimp his wife out on a low brow TV show that they thought was going to make AlexAss come out smelling like roses, but instead she and her husband as well came out smelling like doo doo. I wonder if the real reason he is blowing a gasket over this unwanted exposure of the skeletons that dance in his closet, is because now that everyone knows about his shenanigans he can no longer con anybody  so him and AlexAss have to live the fronting high-life on the Housewives paycheck. That’s what it looks like.

New House Fly Heather Dubrow appears to have been brought in by Bravo so that she can shit on Alexis Bellino’s Cheerios and that shit is working already because the bitch already called AlexAss “the biggest phony” in Orange County and she can see through this bitches bullshit. HA HA HA HA!!!

I love it when these Devil Producers bring in other bitches with more money (or at least appear to be for now) and who are waaaay more annoying to piss off the bitches that are annoying me, like that Duck Lips dumb shit. I can’t wait to see AlexAss Face when she sees this bitches mega ocean view super expensive mansion. Not only that, but also this Heather bitch (whom I like to lovingly call her Baby Joker Face because it looks like the same plastic butcher gave her the same mug as Joker Face Sr aka Danielle Staub) apparently comes from East Coast money and supposedly it’s lots of money! HA HA HA HA!!!! I’m wiping tears from eyes because this whole bitchfest is so funny now that they brought real money in.

Doesn’t she look like a less scary  version of Joker Face? Did her husband Terry Dubrow use the same Halloween pattern when he sowed Joker Face Sr’s mask onto her skull and fifteen years later used that same pattern on Baby Joker Face? HUMMM??? The unsolved mysteries that we will never know.

This is the shit that Baby Joker Face told The Hollywood Reporter:

“I think that what’s interesting about me coming into this group is that I feel like I’m a little bit of the audience, sort of the Greek chorus,”

“I didn’t have any preconceived notions, I have no idea what the history is. So I’m learning it as I go, and seeing it all and, I don’t know, maybe giving the audience a fresh perspective on things and maybe the girls too.”

Baby Joker Face also comforted Lizard Lips Peggy Tanous because of the whole Alexis Bellino and her fugly fat husband Jimbo love triangle from 100 years ago ordeal:

“I met Peggy for the first time that night,” Heather says. “And we spoke for maybe a few minutes in the limousine on the way to the party, and then when we left, I think I had my arm around her. I felt bad for her, she was crying, she was in Vicki [Gunvalson's] house. I was obviously very uncomfortable. I didn’t know what was going on. I did not know the back-story between her and Alexis, so I was getting pieces of information. I just felt bad that she was so upset.”

She also believes Peggy should of just let that shit go, but admits she would of flipped out if her man used to fuck on one of her friends:

“That just seems like something you discuss and you move on,”

“I can’t imagine that I would ever be able to stay friends with someone who had had this intimate relationship with my husband,” she continues. “Whether they told me or not, I just think it would freak me out.”

I hope she puts Duck Lips in her place more times than one. I noticed how jealous AlexAss seemed when Heather was around her because she knows that this bitch has some real money and her husband (who although got all pissed off and posted a butt-hurt comment here saying that he wasn’t a porn addict when I was making fun of him, that’s okay he’ll get used to it) doesn’t appear to berate her and talk down to her like she is a dumb-ass like Jimbo does to AlexAss,  aaand the husband has more money than Reverent Jimblob (even though her husband got sued for fucking up bitches faces during plastic surgery face transplant procedures.) None of that shit matters to me though, as long as she is questioning AlexAss “authenticity” and keeps calling AlexAss a not “very cerebral” dumb shit.

This bitch however, says that she never ever watched this show which I call bullshit on that. Unless she was so desperate to be on TV that she took whatever fame-bone was thrown at her.

Supposedly Alexis Bellino and her husband Jimbo  have purchased a new home priced at the tune of $5 million dollars. The Bellino’s are bragging that their home is 7,146 square feet has 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms, eight car garage, rooftop patio, ocean views and beach access. I wonder how long they are going to last at this house? Because ever since the show started the have gone through like 3 houses or so?  The  very reliable and funny Real Estalker blog did their dirt digging and found that there is no record of these con artist owning that home. NO RECORDS! Sooo what? Are they squatting in it until the real owners find out and kick them out?

FromThe Real Estalker:

Ultimately, we freely admit, we don’t know for sure whether she and the mister bought or leased the big house in Dana Point. What we do know is that property records available online–which may or may not be fully updated–show the property in question, located in the ritzy, guard-gated Ritz Cove enclave, last changed hands in April of 2009 for $4,650,000 when it was snatched up by an obviously very successful Orange County-based gynecologist.

 

 

By TwitterButtons.com

 Alexis Bellino admits that she has a serious eating disorder and doesn’t allow herself to eat desert but instead pours salt on it and ruins it, so that way she doesn’t eat it. I love how these spoiled bitches love wasting food because they don’t want to gain weight. She states she is still struggling with this disorder and her weight now fluctuates between 118 and 122 pounds and she obsessively watches it. She tells Life & Style the eating disorder started when she was twelve years old and  it was due to her parents divorce:

“I just didn’t want to eat,” Alexis remembers when the problem first arose, being 12-years-old and shattered by her parents’ divorce. “Looking back, I think it was my way of controlling something at a time when everything else in my life was out of my control.”

Six years later, during her freshman year at the University of Missouri- Columbia, the disorder truly sank its claws into her. “I felt so heavy,” Alexis admits, saying she became bulimic, throwing up her food on a regular basis. It wasn’t until the collapse of her first marriage in 2002 that Alexis finally decided to get help and worked closely with a doctor to stop purging. In 2005, she married her second husband, Jim Bellino who “finally got me to stop counting calories,” Alexis tells Life & Style. “He loves my body. In fact, he says he likes me about 5 pounds heavier.”

“It’s not like I’m healed,” she says. “This haunts me.” A typical day’s meal plan for her is less than 900 calories. “Sweets are my weakness,” she says. “I’ll serve everyone else dessert, but I’ll pour salt and pepper all over mine so I don’t eat it.”

“I try not to let my weight consume me, but an eating disorder is a lifetime disease,” she tells Life & Style. “It cannot be cured, but it doesn’t have to be practiced. My goal is to reach other women — and let them know that they can conquer it.”

 That also must be the reason for her obsessive eighteen hour work-out days and not allowing herself to have a doughnut or even look at one! And that’s why she’s also jealous of Peggy because that bitch really looks dry and emaciated and that’s the look that Alexis wants to go for, but with her 20 pounds of lips and gigantic, porn, circus-tits that make her weight like eighty-five pounds  on the top half of her body alone, it’s kinda hard to achieve that.

Also Jimbo Bellino may not have a real business or job per say. But he seems to know the secrets of getting housing for free so that him and and Alexis can front ‘the lifestyle’ they can’t afford but are desperate to front, and they were able to get rid of those annoying house payments since their asses avoided paying their house note for like 3 years, by declaring bankruptcy and avoided 3 public auctions.

This is the secret to having money to blow on four Lamborghinis, designer clothes,  fake boobs,  jewelry and all kinds of expensive shit.  I bet they even avoid paying their cars and other items, since Tamra says that Jimbo always has different cars.  Very questionable. For all the details on how they avoided foreclosure read the article on Realstalker.com.

 But hey, I guess you gotta be crafty to front the good life when you don’t have the real money like the Beverly Hillbilly House Skanks. I bet that bitch Cuntmille Grammer would of not even thrown 2 turds in Jimbo Bellino’s direction because she would of known right away that he was a broke ass, fronter,  con-artist and not an A lister and Cuntmille got with a real A lister. Maybe Duck Lips AlexAss should of taken lessons from Cuntmille before settling down with that greasy, hairy, fat-fugly rude asswipe she calls a husband who happens to be going broke and he hates her already so if they divorce it doesn’t look like she would get much either.

We get to see a loong clip of all the bullshit that went on last season. Then we move on to these bitches snooty introductions. You know, the ones where they try to make everyone watching feel inferior next to them and like our lives do not live up to theirs because we are not fabulous and driving Bentleys while defaulting on our mortgage like our newest house skank this season, who is also a professional fronter Peggy Tanous . I guess since she rather have a Bentley than pay her house note her flat ass is gonna be living in her Bentley while parked down the river with all her kids.

Tamra brags that she is now a ‘Free Bitch’, and can fuck whoever she wants. Including her new boyfriend Eddie Judge whom she’ll be doing on various bath tub porn flicks on line. Because I know there is a raunchy video of those 2 dipshits coming up in the near future. The Tarot told me!

Vicki keeps bragging about how she makes her own money , ok what else is old? Gretchen spews some bullshit about not apologizing for being an idiot. And Alexis mumbles some gibberish while pretending to speak in tongues, about how her husband is the second coming of Jesus and she is his slave, or some other nonsense like that.

‘ Tamra the Free Bitch’ is inviting everyone to some shopping party, including Gretchen whom she still hates. Except now she blames her hatred of Gretchen on Simon’s mind  controlling powers of evil. And since she left Simon her ass is now free to make amends with Gretchen . Or so she says. But Gretchen is all , whatever bitch I know you still hating on me and quit prank calling me!

Tamra is still friends with Holier Than Thou Sanctimonious Mother Of Virtue Alexis Bellino. Who sheds her words of wisdom about how in ‘Biblical terms divorce is not something that people are supposed to do, but my friendship with Tamra absolutely survived”.

Soooo,what she is saying is that Tamra is lucky to even still be friends with her skank ass, because she shuns people in her circle who get divorces from their spouses ???!!! Because other people are not lucky to have a wholesome marriage like her and Reverend Jimblob The Hideous, who is allowed to lay hands on her to keep her ass in check???!!! Is this what this transparent, ducked lipped ignoramus just said? It’s her first camera interview and she is already talking sanctimonious preachy hipocrytical shit. What’s gonna happen when  she has to  dump Jimbo’s ass because he’s broke? Will she be back at the Marriott turning tricks?

Vicki doesn’t want to play with Tamra because Tamra is a backstabber as proven last season.

Tamra brags about how her new hot Spanish speaking boyfriend, is letting her trash his house to throw a party. And Gretchen is afraid Tamra is just inviting her to get her ‘Naked Wasted’ like that one time. Tamra says that if everyone just gets liquored up they will just all be in love again and a big orgy will happen.

Gretchen is peddling her pleader handbags, because crystal meth is some expensive shit. Plus what about Slade . He needs his meth too . Vicki says that the Gretchen shitty hand bags for meth collection, are  gonna end up at the 99 cent store for 50 cents a pop.

Gretchen says she is desperately pimping those bags to whoever will buy them, so that she can support Slade Slimey. Whose sexual services  are not  free, and whose whole income comes from Gretchen since he has no job and is on welfare .Plus Gretchen has to prove a point to everyone, that she is not a golddigger since she is getting banged by a  Real Broke Ass of the Orange Cunties in the Orange Cuntie .

But the truth is, this bitch is still a golddigger. Just not a very good one. And Slimey is the guy she wanted to really bone and allow to drain her out of the last penny of grandpa Beitzel’s money, after he croaked of course. Shit I bet  Slimey was probably already lurking around, sniffing around till Granpapi Money died so that he can get at that money. Specially since that whole music career with Jo De La Rosa wasn’t working out.

As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t even put it past Gretchen  and Slimey to have already been bumping  fuglies  before Granpapi Money died . And while Wretched Gretchen was still dating her old flame Jay Photoglou. Did this gutter skank get a boob job? Because her boobs look plastic and larger!

Next is our beloved Vicki the Evil Empress who eats popcorn out of a skull. Her husband or should I say her then-husband and now ex-husband Don, is seeking some appreciation for cleaning Vicki’s filthy car and her response to that is: Yeah so what! ‘that’s your duty!’ whinny bitch now help me put the living room back together so it can look nice when my boyfriend comes over . Don yells at her ‘ WHY ARE YOU MOVING THIS SHIT IN YOUR HIGH HEELS YOU DUMB BITCH!” I would be asking her the same shit too.

Right after he yells  at her for being stupid, Vicki  is on the camera interview bragging about how her and Don renewed their wedding vows and how they respect each other and are the happiest, and she allows him to hold his dick and sometimes even take it out when she lets  him  go out with his friends. Meantime more scenes are playing that totally contradict what this bitch is saying on her camera interview, while the ‘You’re a dumb ass music’ is playing in the background as we watch her and Don bickering until it turns into a big ole’ fight and it is OBVIOUS that these 2 hate each other . Plus we all know this all ends up in divorce court. So let’s move right along.

Then we see a short scene of Tamra getting all of her Simone tattooes removed. She really spends a lot of time and money going back and forth getting tattooes put on and then taken off . This bitch won’t learn. How much you wanna bet, if she keeps dating Eduardo Navarro this is going to be the next tat she gets :

Next AlexAss is burning toast because the dumb ass doesn’t have anybody helping her anymore and doing all the behind the scenes junk that she doesn’t want to be bothered with. Like cooking, cleaning, being a full time mom. You know the real housewife tedious shit that can cut into her ‘me’ time which includes her 8 hours at the gym and 4 hours getting botoxed injections, so she can stay beautiful for her master Jimbo; since rumor has it that the gravy train is running dry these days for her  husband’s  con artist skeam  bizness . Which means they’re broke asses just fronting the shit and  as the result of all this broke-assery these pozers  had to let go of the 4 nannies and keep only one part time one. Or so she says.

Alexis is overwhelmed because since she farted out those kids she never had to deal with them and now for the first time she is left alone to deal with them and since she never really hang out with them before she doesn’t even understand what the fuck they’re saying because they all speak Spanish because that’s all they heard from Maria, Rosa, Socorro and all the series of Spanish speaking nannies that being dealing with those kids since they were born. So naturally  she doesn’t know how to deal with those strange children, who are barking and biting at each other.

Jim Jr. looks just like Jimbo! Poor kid! The only thing I can hope for is that , when those children hit puberty that they rebel against their parents, to not be like them at all. And listen to whatever form Heavy Metal of their time morphs into. Or whatever type of music that would make a Bible-thumping, hypocrite, shit themselves from the anger of being offended. That is what I hope for. They’re young I have hope for them.

Right after that incident AlexAss starts getting all preachy again and bringing up the Bible and Jesus and how every morning she wakes up doing what Jesus would do. Really? So I guess Jesus would be on a reality show with big ass, fake, scary, porno size, tits and getting hammered in the middle of the day. While talking smack about other skanks and being all confrontational and starting all kinds of drama and fights with those same skanks for entertainment . Alexis  needs to shut up and stop insulting Jesus already!

And her duck lipped pie hole doesn’t stop there. She goes on to preach some more about how the Bible says that its the man’s job to be the head of the household and the woman’s job is second. Where in the Bible did she see this exactly? I know she must of asked Jimbo the same question when he sold her that lie. And his answer to that, was that it says it, in the back of the Bible somewhere and the bitch just took his word for it and didn’t bother or wanted to bother looking it up. Since her master Jimbo told her LOOK IT UP AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS BITCH! , as he raised his fist above her freshly injected botoxed face.

GRETCHEN VS TAMRA ROUND 2. This time Gretchen says she is gonna be a bitch!

 Gretchen gets ready for Tamra’s shopping party and she takes this bitch Shawna with her in case ‘the other bitches get crazy’ so that Shawna can scrap with their ass . Gretchen is all excited snorting line after line of meth and getting ready because she is looking forward to   go and start throwing punches the minute she sees Tamra. Plus Shawna is gonna watch her back . Vicki doesn’t want to attend Tamra’s party because she is afraid her staff will be slacking off while she is gone and she wants to stay and micromanage. Plus none of her employees can hold and crack the wip as well as Vicki can.

Tamra is also getting ready for the shopping party and has some shirtless dude serving drinks .

Fernando shows up looking like a hot tranni mess and Tamra and Fernando proceed to flirt. Shirtless bartender misses his boyfriend, but says he is willing to  jump in the middle of the Tamra and Fernando sandwich. Fernando is cool with it. See I knew she was bi!

We’re still having that 3 some later on with him, when everyone leaves right?

Tamra says she is not trying to get Gretchen Naked Wasted ever again and will  be the nice person this time.

Little did Tamra know that Gretchen was getting her own self Naked Wasted since the bitch showed up drunk off her ass and ready to scrap with Tamra. Plus that PCP cigarette she smoked earlier only added to her hostility. Gretchen picks up a hat with an evil eye repellent, from the sales rack and starts drunken slurring something about : THEESS HERRE HAT WILL KEEP THE EVILE BEOTCHES AWAY FROM STEALING MY SOUL, YE DIRTY BEOTCH !!

Vicki tells Tamra to grow some balls and kick the bitch out but Tamra backs down. The bartender keeps missing his boyfriend while Gretchen keeps getting naked and molesting the bartender and slurring more stupid shit, COME HERRE YE BEG BOY MAMA WANTS SOME SUGAR YE’ BOYTOY!! Then she pukes on him. The bartender allows it since that’s what they payed him for.

 AlexAss tries to jump in and tell Gretchen to calm her ass down and she also makes the mistake to call her a ‘princess’  because she says that the lazy bitch sleeps all day after her drunken meth induced hang overs wear out. Gretchen starts yelling at AlexAss she gets all crazy and starts swinging at air.

 While she is going all ape shit at AlexAss for calling her a princess did ya all feel sorry for Fernando trying to diffuse the situation by dancing and getting ignored like an insignificant ass clown. WTFUCK!? Did this bitch really think that shit was gonna work?

 These bitches are drunk and their straight! That means they’re competitive and they hate each other, so they’re ready to throw down not go down like Fernando is trying to do.  

Eventually poor good hearted Fernando has to walk away and hide under the table.

Tamra puts on the evil eye hat to ward off Gretchen’s evilness and walks out to the patio area where Gretchen’s loud nails on the chalk board voice has taken over in all of her obnoxious glory. While in the patio Tamra decides she needs to confront drunken ass Naked Wasted, Gretchen, and asks her if she was calling her an evil bitch. Gretchen admits it and says FUCK YEA I WAS BITCH! 

 Gretchen’s  paid clone Shawna also turns on her and wants to stay and party and shoot the shit with Tamra .

Look at Shawna she looks like she is scared of those bitches and ready to open the door and roll while the car still moving.

Gretchen notices Shawna is missing and yells BITCH GET YERR ARRSEE IN THE LIMO WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU!!. And Shawna afraid to lose her job jumps in the limo.

 Why does Gretchen’s face look more weird and manly this season? Her eyebrows look like they touch her hairline, and her cheekbones look swollen like it is starting very slowly to morph into a Gretchen version of  Elsa! Except Gretchen is the evil witch.

While in the limo going home drunken Gretchen drags on the argument about Alexis calling her a ‘princess’. She is kicking and screaming and bitch slapping AlexAss for calling her a ‘princess’ and also her paid bitch Shawna for talking to Tamra asking her ‘what was she talking to you about?’. Gretchen sounds all  interrogatory and you can tell she is  all paranoid that Shawna is going to get stolen from her by Tamra and eventually turn on her.

 I like how during the first season when Gretchen joined the cast, Bravo tried to sell her to us as a sweetheart and a Mother Teresa for taking care of her ailing fiance that she was very much in love with. Plus I bet they were editing a lot of dark shit out about this bitch like the whole Jay Photoglou affair fiasco and probably some other shit . Gretchen was all playing that shit up for the cameras going along with Bravo. But a lot of street smart people like myself could see through her faux good girl act. This last season Gretchen must of pissed off Andy Cohen or some shit, because you could even tell her and Slade Slimey were getting in his last nerves during the Watch What Happens episode that aired after this housewives episode. So it looks like this time Bravo is letting the editing people put more and more exciting segments of the real Gretchen Rossi where they show her true asshole,  obnoxious, moves, shine for the world to see with no holds barred .

This been a rough week for  AlexAss Bellino and her husband Jimbo . And obviously this week  they went through all the stages of being a broke ass. Starting with the first 2 stages called denial and embarrasement. Which they went through on Tuesday when these 2 turds send a letter, to their friends and relatives, explaining they’re not broke asses. Here is the original article by Radaronline:

Cash strapped Real Housewives of Orange County star Alexis Bellino and her husband have sent a letter to their closest friends and business associates in which the pair deny they’re bankrupt.

RadarOnline.com was sent the letter, which you can read in full here.

“To set the record straight, we have not filed bankruptcy,” Alexis and Jim said, in their six paragraph letter which was emailed to pals on Tuesday. 

“I have been buying and selling residential and commercial properties for more than two decades.  I have been working since I was 13 years old, and have made sure that our investments are diversified – we own multiple companies, properties, securities and other assets.

“Thankfully, our financial future is secure.  The bank’s actions, however, forced the entity that holds title to the home to file Chapter 11 re-organization bankruptcy protection for the purpose of protecting this asset while we continue to work towards resolution.  This is commonly done.”

Read the entire letter here:

Bellinos Bankrupt – NOT!

The schoolyard bully mentality of today’s banks has destroyed the hopes and dreams of millions of American homeowners who quite understandably feel they have no power to do battle with these financial behemoths.  We certainly understand that we are just one family doing battle with one bank over one home, but we refuse to be scared into submission. 

As we shared with you in August of this year, we had reached an agreement with JP Morgan Chase for a loan modification of our home.  After we had agreed, the bank changed the terms, demanding twice as much up front cash, and increasing the interest rate (has this happened to any of you?).  All we expect from the bank is that they live up to the original deal they made with us. 

Despite the bank’s conduct in this matter, we remain willing to negotiate in good faith in an effort to reach a mutually agreeable resolution.  If forced to do so, however, we will not hesitate to pursue any and all legal recourse available to us under the law, and we will continue to follow the advice of our real estate attorney in this matter. JP Morgan Chase may be the Goliath in this scenario, but we will not sit by quietly and allow this financial institution to subject us to these unfair business practices without a fight.

Not surprisingly, the mass media got the story wrong.  Like most families, we are just trying to live the American dream, but that isn’t sensational enough.  As we all know, the media loves bad news, and will create it when they can’t find it.  For example, “Housewife Hubby Files For Bankruptcy Protection” makes for a great headline, even if it isn’t true.  Imagine if your hometown newspaper (like the Orange County Register) said you were going personally bankrupt when you weren’t.  Our attorney has formally demanded that the Orange County Register publish a retraction and correction.

To set the record straight, we have not filed bankruptcy.  I have been buying and selling residential and commercial properties for more than two decades.  I have been working since I was 13 years old, and have made sure that our investments are diversified – we own multiple companies, properties, securities and other assets.  Thankfully, our financial future is secure.  The bank’s actions, however, forced the entity that holds title to the home to file Chapter 11 re-organization bankruptcy protection for the purpose of protecting this asset while we continue to work towards resolution.  This is commonly done.

Our deepest thanks go out to so many of you who have expressed your concern for us.  We cannot tell you how touched we have been by the outpouring of love and support during this challenging and frustrating experience.  Please know that we are all healthy, happy and very well.  At this time of year, we are reminded of how very, very blessed we truly are.  We wish you and your families abundant love and joy during this holiday season. 

Jim and Alexis

The Bellinos join a long list of Housewives — including Lynne Curtin, Tamra Barney andJeana Keough – who got caught up in real estate nightmares when the bubble burst. NJ Housewife Teresa Giudice and her husband also filed bankruptcy last year.

If your ass has to write a letter explaining that you’re not a fucking broke ass then you’re  going to enter the next stage of being a broke ass. Which is anger and blame. This caught up with them on Wednesday from Radaronline:

Real Housewives of Orange County‘s Alexis Bellino is set to launch herself into another bitter legal battle, this time against the bank she blames for losing her home.

The cash strapped reality TV star and her husband Jim have had their luxury mansion put up for auction after one of their businesses went bankrupt.

Now RadarOnline.com can reveal exclusively that they don’t plan to go down without a fight and will take on Chase if they have to.

“Right now we’re considering legal action against Chase, regarding the fact that they changed the terms of their loan modification agreement,” said their lawyer Michael York.

“At this point we’re examining the issue and trying to decide how to proceed.”

As RadarOnline.com earlier reported, the couple filed for chapter 11 – business bankruptcy – and their home went into foreclosure.

The auction date was moved until after Christmas but now York says he is positive the date will be moved again.

“The Jan 10 auction will be postponed again,” he said.

Despite their filing, the Bellinos have sent a letter to their closest friends and business associates in which they deny they’re bankrupt.

And their attorney told RadarOnline.com that they only filed bankruptcy on one of their many businesses.

“One company that Jim Bellino owns, and he owns many, filed for bankruptcy,” said York. “And that company only owns one asset.”

The couple has been in real estate hell almost since they bought the property in August 2007 and did a major renovation, sinking a total of nearly $6 million in the 6400 sq. ft. home.

 When AlexAss and Jimbo first got on the show they were  all bragging that they can crush you with their wallet and were high rollers. Then when it’s discovered that there was more smoke and mirrors than cash, they’re all pissed off sending letters to newspapers trying to shut them up because they’re embarrased. All the house skanks always go throught these stages of broke-assery and this time is  AlexAss and Jimbo’s turn.

Oh shit! Her name is Fernanda? Damn! Even her name sounds maaanly. A masculine inspired name just like someone who had a sex change operation. Fernanda Rocha is that one bitch that was desperately showing off her dance moves, during the very last episode of the last season of the Real House Skanks Of Orange County. And her Attention Whore Personality Disorder seizure during that episode payed off, because now she is going to be the new ho’ in this shit wreck.

Except this bitch is full on gay according to the Enquirer. She does have nice abs and all that shit . I give her that. She still a creepy, Attention Whore, big time thought.

I bet this bitch is gonna cause a lot of shit with the housewives because hopefully, that bitch is gonna be hitting on them and the other bitches are gonna be jealous of her and not know what to do, because she is all a hot trannie mess trying to get it on with them! Oh fucking hilarious. Oh yea, and she is already turning Tamra gay. But then again now that Simon cut her loose that bitch has gonne back to her trailer park ways and fucks everybody.

I hope she hits on Duck Lips AlexAss Bellino. Maybe she can even punch Jimbo in the face too! Fernando Rocha (No I’m pretty sure it’s Fernando not Fernanda!) Also called Kim Zolciak and Joker Face’s lesbian affairs fake and said those 2 bitches are full of Tijuana donkey show shit because they are not gay like her. Fernando say’s she’s the real Mccoy. Good maybe she can punch those 2 bitches in the face too. She can punch Kim after she gives birth to Cigarrete and  Liquor store White Wine baby.

Click here for a picture of this bitch in her tong. What the fuck did she do to get these pictures? Did she have another episode of Attention Whore Personality Disorder and she had to go and hunt down the Paparazzi ? Or did she have someone take these pictures of her and she blasted them to the media? Because the ho-bag is wearing full on makeup and shit. Yeah like every time I go swimming in the ocean I wear makeup. So set up! .

Her pictures just reak of desperation while scream: LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!! DO YOU SEE ME??!! DID YOU SEE ME IN MY BIKINI?!! LOOK AT ME!!! IM DESPERATE!! 

Fucking unreal! I wonder if she tapes her dick back, or they chopped it off already.

Here is the original article from EOnline:

Just when ya thought Danielle Staub and lesbian superstar Lori Michaels were as gay as it was going to get among the Real Housewives, along comes a fitness trainer from Laguna Beach.

Say hello to Fernanda Rocha, a 33-year-old out lesbian who will be a regular on the next season of The Real Housewives of Orange County…

The tan and toned beauty isn’t a main Housewife, but is set to be one of the often seen side characters, according to a source. She won’t make her debut as a series regular until March, but that hasn’t stopped her from getting, um, out there.

She recently tweeted about how happy she was with the new interview she did with the…National Enquirer.

Calling herself “the real thing,” Rocha dismissed Staub and Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak‘s same-sex relationships because they were only going through a “faux lesbian experimental stage,” according to the tabloid.

She’s already appeared on the show. Some of the gals took one of her workout classes at the Art of Fitness & Spa, which she co-owns, during season five. “Definitely makes me want to switch teams,” Housewife Tamra Barney said about Rocha’s body.

Rocha grew up in Brazil, but moved to the U.S. to study marketing and business at UCLA, according to the Art of Fitness website. She’s also the creator of the Brazilian Booty Workout and the JingaBrasil fitness clothing line.