Teresa Giudice has a new yearly tradition, to cause a brawl and cut a bitch at the annual Posche Fashion Show. This year it appears the shenanigans involved Kim De Paola (owner of Posche) and Melissa Gorga her sister-in-law. The genius instigators of drama that is the Bravo producers had invited Kim G to the fashion show to set up the circus of drama. It must be the end of the world coming people, because Kim G refuse the invite because she felt she was going to get set up. Supposedly Teresa and Kim D (the other Kim) wanted to “expose” Melissa’s past as a stripper.

Because of all this bullshit Jacqueline started making up an excuse that she was sick, and wanted to skip out on the reunion show. She tweeted: “I feel nauseous and feverish. No reunion for me.Sorry guys.XOXO!” Never has a housewife skipped on the reunion, but I guess we have a first. Apparently Jacqueline attended  the Posche Fashion Show and supposedly Teresa and Kim D teamed up to fuck with Melissa. This is what Jacqueline tweeted: “Someone( not me) got set up tonight. There are some sneaky people trying to make someone look bad & then play innocent on camera. Sad.” An insider told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D tried to start a rumor Melissa was a stripper “Teresa was involved in a rumor that started which stated Melissa was a stripper,” the insider tells Reality Tea adding that “Melissa was never a stripper.” And adds “Of course, once Teresa got caught, she [started] playing the blame game. Teresa and Kim D were part of this “set up” which is why Joe Gorga came at the end of the fashion show.”

Psycho Joe Gorga went on a tweeting verbal bitch smacking rampage against Teresa. From Reality Tea:– “I thought the saying was blood is thicker than water. #BULLSHIT”. Upon arriving at the fashion show, Joe had it out with Kim D and had to be calmed down by Caroline.

Teresa managed to finally push Jacqueline and Caroline to their limit with her bullshit and now they no longer speak to her. The source reveals the only reason Caroline and Jacqueline had to sit with Teresa and show up to the fashion show was because Bravo forced them to.

Jacqueline kept going off on her Twitter, “2b honest.I’m tired of the BS &shitty low life people.I didn’t know this was what I signed up 4.I have 2rise above&move on.”

The initial rumor was that Teresa got into it with that bitch Monica Chacon at the Fashion Show, but as it turns out Monica refused the invite from Bravo also and decide to skip. Bravo was also rumored to have been inviting Joker Face to the Russian roulette party and that bitch refused also!

The insider also told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D where all hanging out together and filming all day, they even arrived at the fashion show together! (As dates of each other?) and Teresa has alienated all of her costars. That’s why she is hanging around that witch Kim D because nobody else will play with her!

 While Teresa was prostituting herself to Bravo by bringing in the drama and taking out her aggressions on bitches whose husbands still want to sniff their panties and all of that good shit was going down, Barney Devito was hanging around his girlfriend. Supposedly:

Barney Devito was “spotted” having an intimated dinner with a misterious brunnete woman who was in her late 20s or early 30s.

From Radaronline:

“I was in the T.G.I. Fridays and saw Joe and this woman who was NOT Teresa having a drink in a booth by the bar,” eyewitness Erin exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

“They were drinking martinis and when the woman finished hers she took a sip out of Joe’s glass too.  They looked like they were having a good time together and laughing with each other.”

After a waiter brought them wet naps the woman opened hers and “wiped Joe’s hands off with hers,” Erin said.  “It was really intimate to see her touching his hands like that.

“They looked very comfortable and cozy together.”

  I can’t tell how old that “mysterious” woman looks like, but I think she looks like Joker Face! (Danielle Staub) Wouldn’t that be some shit if it was Joker Face?

Jacqueline did NOT attend the reunion like she stated and gave an interview to People Magazine confirming she is quiting this unhealthy circus of chaos:

“Jacqueline [Laurita] definitely quit,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She had to walk away for her sanity.”

A source tells PEOPLE that Laurita “had no intention of going to the reunion, and the other women weren’t expecting her to turn up.”

 Meanwhile on her Twitter account, costar Teresa Giudice also hinted at tensions at the fashion show – and with Jacqueline – writing, “I don’t even wanna go there b/c I don’t fight on twitter not w/ fans, not haters, not w/ mean RTs & def not w/ a friend (ahem) or my family!”

 Giudice also wrote on Wednesday evening: “The rumors are getting ridiculous. Let’s get this straight: I LOVE my WHOLE family. Would never do anything to hurt them.”The show lost original cast member Danielle Staub last year, and returned with new cast membersKathy Wakile and Melissa Gorga for its third season.

“I can’t be part of the Charade anymore,” Laurita Tweeted Wednesday. “It’s unsettling. It’s disturbing & against what I stand for. I’m a REAL housewife.”

 Later, she reiterated her point, writing, “I’d like to only focus on positive things now please. I threw the trash out.I’m cleaning now and reorganizing.Starting fresh and new.”

 When reached, Bravo reps had no comment.

Remember Dina Manzo had already hinted that someone was quitting!

Thank you all that send me links to this juicy piece of gossip!

The Godmother Caroline is on the air spewing  her words of wisdom about how to be a tactful bitch. Someone calls in to get advice on dealing with an asshole what would Caroline do? Caroline’s advice,“Do not let anybody intimidate you,”. The cameramen just happens to be following Melissa around who happens to be all dressed up in fur listening to this mess and since she has to deal with an asshole named Teresa she decides to take Caroline’s advice and call up Teresa to set up a play date between Antonia and little Milania who haven’t seen each other all winter break.

At Jacqueline’s Ashley is sketching portraits of dead celebrities so that in the future when she goes to prison  she can give the other inmates some nice tattoos. No, but seriously Ashley is doing a good job at her sketches and Jacqueline who is a wits end has now send Ashley’s grandpa to talk some sense into her and advice her on how to get her shit together and not be a loser.  Assho-ley has years of experience walking all over grown ups that her grandpa trying to talk to her it’s just a big joke and she totally ignores him while she sits there drawing and whining about how she doesn’t like working, or rules, or deadlines, or effort, or being told what to do, or doing shit. Her grandpa frustrated tells her “well life it’s a deadline!” It’s true even when she becomes a homeless bum she will be given deadlines by police officers who will tell her to move her makeshift shaft in thirty minutes to avoid a fine for public loitering.

 Mel calls Teresa who pretends she don’t know who the fuck is calling and agrees to the play date after acting all bitchy.

The Godfather is shaving with a razor from the 1850′s and the Godmother is waiting for him to be done so that she can shave next. But in the meantime she is calling Kathy Wikipedia to invite her and the husband to New Years Bash at the BrownStoner hoping that inviting Kathy will cause another family brawl when Teresa shows up and goes batshit crazy on Kathy and Richard. Kathy happily agrees to come to the BrownStoner for the celebrations and the Godmother says she doesn’t give a FUCK what anyone else thinks (but specially Teresa!) “Even though I love Teresa as a person, I will not hate someone because you want me to.” Awwhh! I see a fight between Caroline and Teresa in the future on my crystal ball.  Caroline also hopes that “I like to think that we’re all adults and we can get together in a room and just have a good time and act appropriately.”. Those are high hopes. However, the last 2 seasons of the NJ housewives prove other wise.

Lauren Manzo now has a new enterprise  peddling beauty products on the NJ housewives show since her parents told her to do something with her life or get cutt off because Lauren is NOT Albie (or Chris) and mom and pop will NOT be paying her rent  like they pay for the condo in Hoboken for Albie and Chris.

So Lauren (is now practicing to run for future house skank along with her cousin Ashley) hired Ashley to design the T-shirts for her new venture and Ashley shows up late hung over and unprepared (I’m sure this is how this girl usually shows up when she has to be somewhere that even that tweeker bitch must of fired her ass). She presents Lauren with some shitty ass sketches she drew with lipstick on a napkin in the back of her car.

Lauren throws that shit on Ass-holey’s face and yells WHAT IS THIS CRAP MAKE THIS GO AWAY!! THIS IS CRAP DID YOU JUST PULL THIS OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DREW IT WITH FECES WHILE IN THE CAR??!! COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO SHOW ME !! BITCH!!! Ass-holey sat there speechless, (yeah, I was surprised about that too!) and gives her Ass-holey typical answer “whatever!”, but not to Lauren’s face she says that to the camera. The whole so-called “client and artist business meeting” was so fucking ridiculous because it was obvious those two dumb asses where just playing! There was no real business, client or whatever relationship there. They where like two children playing business ladies and I can NOT take this whole scene or whatever the fuck they where trying to do there serious.

Over at Melissa’s house her daughter Antonia is wondering why Milania is not there yet to kick her ass and take her toys. She complains to her mother about this who just dismisses it like it’s not important and she reminds Antonia to get used to this shit because when she grows up her and Milania are going to be carrying the continuing torch of family feuds that’s gone back several generations and so Melissa tells Antonia “less whining more scrapping.”

Back at Teresa’s we find out the reason she is running late is because Teresa allows Milania to run the show and decide what she is going wear when she is only four years old. Milania is throwing a hissy fit and takes all of her clothes out of the dresser and tosses them on the floor.  Finally Teresa waits until the cameramen left the room so she can spank that little Gremlin and toss her in the car after she dressed her up like she is going to a pageant.

Teresa piles her daughters in her car and while driving she is swerving all over the road because little Milania wasn’t strapped to her seat and was jumping all over the car kicking her sisters and trying to take over the wheel making Teresa damn near crash her SUV into a pole.

Finally they get to Melissa’s and the children get send to play in the room while the moms get wasted on feet wine. When Antonia shows Milania her new doll Milania yanks it from her and says ‘Pretty I want this! MINE!” Did ya all see Antonia’s fear in her eyes when she was showing Milania that doll? She didn’t even say NUTHING! She let Milania punk that shit from her and didn’t even try to stop  her because she knew Milania was going to drop kick her ass and now Milania has a new doll.

While Milania was punking on Antonia (see Milania knows her future role and accepts it) Teresa was punking on Melissa. Everything that Mel would say to Tree was met with a FUCK YOU reply. You can clearly tell that Teresa wanted the camera men to leave so she can sucker punch Melissa on the back of the head and steal her voice LIKE URSULLA! Yes, when Mel brags about farting out a CD (ala Countless and Kim Zolciak) Teresa fires back with a bitch dig and says YEAH WELL ANYBODY CAN PUT OUT A CD THESE DAYS! Then, she demands that Melissa sing something. Melissa says HELL TO THE NO! Because she is saving her vocal chords and Ursulla may steal her mermaid auto-tune voice (Yes,  now that Mel is Beyonce an’ all!).

Mel then takes Tree on a tour of her dungeon and Tree laughs at that bitch and tells her that Psycho Joe only build her that shit so that she can be ”locked” up and to pimp her ass out to make him money. Meanwhile as they are both touring the dungeon, Tree thinks about maybe beating the shit out of Mel then strangling her with her own microphone then burying the corpse in the basement, but then realizes the cameramen are still there filming so she decides to carry out those plans when no cameras are around or just get drunk and fantasize about it like she usually does.

And now I like to call this portion the Milania Show actually this whole fucking episode should of being named ”The Milania Show” because Milania and her rug rat thughed out shenanigans was the best fucking part of this whole bitch. Except her name should not be Milania her name should be Karmania. Yes, Karmania! She is Teresa’s Karma for all the shit she gave her parents when she was a little kid and she looks just like Teresa too except she is still cute!

Everyone is getting ready to go to the BrownStoner for the New Years Bash and Teresa is at her house getting her face plastered on by her makeup whore. Little Milania is running around raising hell demanding Pizza. Karmania yells  GIVE ME PIZZA YOU OLD TROLL!! Barney Devito knows he is the old troll so he doesn’t even say shit. He gives little Karmania/Milania/Milanesa her pizza and Karmania continues to terrorize her sister Gabriella and spit chunks of chewed up pizza on her because it’s funny.

Gabriela wants to knock her block off while Barney Devito who is fucking tired of raising all these children’s whose names he can no longer keep up with has discovered and mastered the art of delegating his parental responsibilities of wooping his children’s rear end when they misbehave. Barney Devito’s method consist of  having the big one discipline the little one, so he barks at little Milania/Karmania ‘I’m not doing anything if she whoops your ass!” or some shit like that and gives Gabriella the red light to go apeshit on her sister should she keep up her spitting marathon.

Then, Teresa yells something like DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM JOE!” Loved it! Why don’t they just make a show about the Giudice children starring Milanesa/ Karmania and her shenanigans.  Yep, by the time those girls are teenagers Barney Devito is going to be insane, if he already isn’t going insane because who am I to say? Maybe this method that he has developed in rearing his children by empty threats and delegating ass kicking duties to the older children is just a defense mechanism for coping with the danger of losing more of his mind.

 Followed by little Karmania parading in her mother’s cheetah print eight inch stilettos singing ‘I’m a rock star, I’m a rock star!” All I can think is AAAWWWHHH!!! Sneaky little shit! Why does Karmania have to be so cute! Even when she is causing mischief and acting like a little shit after her mom yells “Milania quit making all that noise the baby is sleeping!” and little Karmania yells WHO CARES! See this is how cute she is right now:

But if mom and dad feed her after midnight THIS is what she will turn into:

Or worst yet THIS!

Melissa whines and complains to Kathy about Teresa being an asshole for minfucking with her with the cookbook and how she told her if she really wanted to be mean she could of included a picture of how Melissa used to look like. Uh? I don’t understand this boollshit here because the bitch looks the same to me except now she has “raccoon eyes” . Five seconds later Melissa tries to convince us she was born with permanent “raccoon eye” makeup on.

Lauren is doing a spell to get married and wears a huge fake ring to make it happen. (No seriously this is a SPELL don’t ask me how I know that!) and also says that if she looks like shit on the outside she will feel like shit on the inside. And tonight she feels like a bag of crazy in the inside because she is looking pretty crazy on the outside. Specially when she pulls out her magic beads and chants incantations on her fake wedding ring. Meanwhile Vito is getting the chills. Caroline notices Lauren is acting crazy and calls her a fat ass. That’s messed up, but she had no choice since she had to stop the girl from acting crazy “Not at my New Years party!” she mumbles.

And now the New Years BrownStoner bash. The God Mother slicked her hair back hit-man style and her son’s are wondering whose ass she is gonna be busting a cap into. Teresa is wearing a hot Queen of The Dammed style of dress.  Upon arriving Caroline drops the shit bomb on her and tells her that she has invited the Wikipedias. Teresa wants to cut a bitch, but decides instead she will give her cousin the “bitch you don’t exist” treatment.

While at the party a lot of fun shit happened. First Kathy’s husband (the one that looks like that one actor!) and Barney Devito are already plastered off their ass and having some weird ass love-hate back and forth banter drunken yelling contest going on where they are calling each other a lot of different love names like “cocksucker”, “dickwad” and “ball licking dog lover” and “come here suck my cock” and “let me stick my cock in your mouth”. I don’t know to me it sounds like maybe they’re trying to cornhole each other and acting all thughish like this is a way to cover up their inevitable upcoming closet jail gaynes that will be necessary should they ever become cell mates. I’m just saying.

Teresa says that Richie is usually a dick. However, hearing the lovely names he is calling Barney Devito tonight shows his ”charming” side and she is shocked by that.

Moving right along Kathie’s daughter Victoria gets approached by some older guy and her dad damn near kicks his ass. Victoria was laughing the entire time! Stupid Ass-holey tries to get served alcohol at the bar where Christopher is bar-tending, but she gets refused the booze. Dumb ass! Hasn’t she learned anything! You steal the hooch from your parents and hide it in a flask in your purse! DUMB ASS! Kids these days, don’t even know how to be sneaky with shit like this!

Teresa Jr. I mean Melissa decides to end the last hours of the old year with bitching and complaining about how Teresa acts like an asshole and everyone is too drunk to pay attention. Teresa doesn’t give a shit that things are looking good with her family and says they are only being nice because it’s new year. Then, Melissa calls her a fake ass bitch. Teresa says that Kathy is Mel’s blood or some crazy shit like that. These people really love to keep their grudges.

Suddenly and because this wasn’t somehow scripted and weaved into the episode Melissa suggest that they all go on a family vacation and Teresa (who is eleven million dollars in debt) plays hard to get until suddenly she gives in. Teresa has also carried out her plan of treating Kathy like she is an annoying gnat she has to shoo away with dismissive bitchy attitudes, so she manages to avoid saying happy new year in a proper manner like a human being and achieves making Kathy feel like an awkward asshole.

Teresa also ignores all of The Godmothers good advice on putting the past behind and moving forward plus understanding that all families have these same problems. Teresa just ignores it when Caroline speaks to her is like she is talking to a cement wall that it doesn’t even go in one ear and out the other NO! It doesn’t even go in AT ALL with Teresa the woman only listens to whatever the fuck crazy resentments she is mumbling about Kathy and the wedding she didn’t let her be in, a hundred years ago and blah, blah, blah.

When the clock strikes midnight the cousins Antonia and Milania hug each other. Damn munchkins that was the cutest fucking thing EVA! Sadly Teresa and Barney Devito are ringing in the new year by talking fighting words towards their relatives and an new year with the same assholes begins.

By TwitterButtons.com

Teresa continues guilt tripping her brother Psycho Joe into staying to celebrate the Christmases with the Giudice’s, but Joe insists on packing up the little ones and taking off to Kathy and Rick’s house (I don’t know maybe Rick has the good coke over there?). The kids wanted to clearly stay and play with their cousins, but unfortunately the adults can’t play nice so the little ones have to suffer. And when you’re a kid something like playing with your cousins is very important shit and can fuck up your agenda if you miss a play date. 

Grandpa Gorga also lays the guilt trip on Mel and tells her that he came by her house three times recently and no one was home. Mel tells him that’s not her problem and to call her ahead of time next time he wants to be a pain in the ass like that. Grandpa Gorga says he doesn’t use the telephone because he prefers the ”I want to be an annoying old prick method” and dinosaurs it to the her house unannounced whenever he feels like it, without any consideration of the time of day it is because he no longer has any concept of time, and even if he did he doesn’t give a shit if the younger people have things to smoke or people to fuck with. Yeeah, y’a ll believe Melissa’s bullshit story that she wasn’t home? Because y’all know she WAS! She just didn’t open the door! She was probably tip-toeing making sure she did not make any noise because her butch friend Rosie was over trimming her hedges and they were both sneaking around to prevent old man Gorga from hearing them and that concert they were playing.

Little Gia goes cute monkey on her favorite uncle and hangs on him in the hopes he will stay, but sadly that doesn’t work either. Teresa immediately blames her cousin Kathy and goes on and on a long rampage about Kathy being the devil and worse that Hitler for stealing her brother and sister-in-law and using potions in her desserts to control their thoughts, which is why Joe and Mel refuse to stay. Later on Kathy says she’s cool with Mel and Joe staying with Tree so Teresa ends up looking like an asshole ’cause she is, and it wasn’t even Kathy’s decision for Mel and Joe to kick it with her. It was Psycho Joe’s decision he is the one that decided he wants to run out of  Tree’s house  like the bitch has head lice and is going to infect him and his family with it. Teresa also thinks that Kathy is trying to steal her cooking thunder with her potions of course.

Caroline is on her four-day cooking marathon, (did she really just sniffed her armpit?) hasn’t showered or shaved her face for a whole week,  is now sporting a ZZ Top beard and stinks like Bigfoot’s asshole, and if you have a problem with it TOO BAD BITCHES! So NOBODY better complain about having a red beard hair in their mashed potater. Better eat around it! The oldest member of the Manzo clan has a senior moment and stands up to give a speech about respect that gets drowned out by the loud noise of the whole drunken Manzo clan talking and nobody listening. Chris is on his phone, Caroline is picking her ass and Ashley is picking her nose nobody cares and there’s a food fight going on. I don’t see Dina anywhere. Jacqueline is trying to convince her little son CJ that Santa Claus is outside riding his Santa mobile. Chris runs out to make noise with some cheap bells but CJ is not buying it and tells his momma not to bullshit a bullshiter because this shit could of worked with Ashley, but not with him.

Over at the Wikipedia’s house Chankla Face was invited! She was the centerpiece of that party and is naked laying on a platter. She looks good like she gained some weight, leaving Russell must of done wonders not just does she look more healthy her skin looks the smoothes it has in ages. I am very impressed!

Caroline is debating if she should invite Mel and Psycho Joey to her New Years bash at the BrownStoner, but looks like Christopher beat her to it because everyone loves fun Mel and Psycho Joe plus who knows Psycho ass may just wear a tu-tu for this party and give them a free drag show. AWESOME!

The Godmother also decides that she wants to invite Kathy and Richard to the pachanga. Jacqueline gets all worried, but you can’t tell because that bitch is so full of botox she doesn’t even have facial expressions anymore she tells Caroline that Teresa is not going to like the Wikipedias at the party and she may go caveman on their ass. The God Mother tells Jacqueline FUCK TERESA THIS AIN’T HER PARTY!! And Jacqueline backs off and shuts the fuck up, but you still can’t tell if she is mad, sad, scared or what since her face remains frozen. Jacqueline’s husband tells her to stay out of the dramz and Jacqueline is fuming pissed, but again we can’t tell the difference. Meanwhile, in the other part of town Kathy is waiting by the phone chanting into her candles, wearing horns, with a cigar in her mouth doing incantations that the God Mother will invite her to the New Years Bash.

Caroline gives her children their fugly ass bracelets and they all start crying yelling THIS IS IT? THIS IS ALL WE GOT FOR CHRISTMAS?!! WE GOT JIPPED!!! Chris demands his BB gun and Caroline tells him he’s gonna shoot his eye out.

Moving right along we go to Jacqueline’s house where the children are opening box after box of presents. Looks like a fucking warehouse up in that bitch.  We also learn that Assho-ley did NOT buy her parents any presents because you know, she had to buy crap for her new car (that her step-daddy bought her and momma paid for it with numerous blow jobs and teetie-fucks) and so WHATEVER! Poor Assho-ley, didn’t even have the time to maybe slap together a freaking picture or a Christmas card with some paper clips and dried macaroni or cat litter or some shit she found around the house that her parents pay for? (And you know what sucks next episode we all learned she has artistic abilities and she could of at least drawn her mom a dad a picture or a Christmas card what an ungrateful ass!)

Over at Melissa’s they are keeping up with the warehouse theme as well as working on their own future bankruptcy, their kids are surrounded by large boxes of gift after gift. Melissa gets some expensive ass gifts including a Rolex watch and some five hundred dollar stripper stilettos that her daughter helped pick out. Great her kid is learning early. Psycho Joe also reveals he has completed Melissa’s prison dungeon recording studio, where he will keep her ‘locked in”.  After all the gifting, Psycho Joe asks Mel if she can put on her football helmet and gear so he can call her Steve; while he tries on her stilettos and cheer-leading skirt and she answers NOT TONIGHT IS JESUS’ BIRTHDAY!!  Melissa is going to eventually have to give  that horny ape at least a hand job she is going to run out of excuses soon and he did get her all those expensive gifts. Pobrecito he can NOT even get a finger up his corn-hole from Melissa and it’s Christmas.

At Teresa’s house Barney Devito is in a drunken comma and has a big hangover. He refuses to get out of bed to see the girls opening their presents. Teresa tells her daughters that no one is opening up presents until their father gets up and tells them to go wake up their groggy dad whom after some under his breath curse words and some farts rolls out of bed and plops on the couch, all out of it and shit, while holding the camera to film the wall. Don’t worry Barney the Bravo cameras are there they will get the footage. I don’t understand why the fuck she sends those poor girls to wake up their dad with his hangover like that? If she was smart she would put the bong under his nose and his ass would of jumped right out of bed.

Teresa’s children also get ass loads of Christmas gifts including drum-sets and toy cars. I see why Barney Devito is tired he must of gotten up early to swipe those gifts from Psycho Joe’s house while Psycho Joe’s children were distracted having breakfast. Teresa got some gloves and a fugly ass fur coat but NO DIAMONDS! Barney Devito wasn’t thin enough to crawl through the duct vents of the local jewelry store and borrow some diamonds for Tree this year so she got fucked out of diamonds. Sorry Tree!

Over at the Wikipedia’s Kathy bought her husband a wedding band because he keeps losing them down  stripper’s g-strings and then those bitches think it’s a tip, plus he gets hit on more by the strippers when they see he is wearing his wedding band because they want that extra tip. So Kathy decided to get her husband a new wedding band and will be securing it to his finger with some industrial level cement glue.

Because the Wikipedia children want to sneak off to party later, they got their mom a laptop and a cute Christmas speech and their parents got them a  ‘do what I say and not what I did’ contract which will later be broken when they both sneak out to party and cause havoc. Those kids are smart, I bet they get away with more shit than Ass-holey who doesn’t understand the politics of playing your cards right when it comes to taming your parents.

Albert and Caroline are missing their kids during Christmas because they are no longer little and cuddly. Albert is driving and heads towards the same underpass at the freeway, were he proposed to Caroline years ago. This is also the same underpass where  some of Albert’s associates who didn’t shut the fuck up, are now resting and The Godfather is there to make sure the wild dogs didn’t dig anybody up he doesn’t want to see. Then Caroline asks him why they are driving at the same spot he proposed to her at. And Albert thinks to him self  OH SHIT! So he all of the sudden nervously says  to play it off, OH YEAH!! I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE THIS TIME I AM DOING IT IN ONE KNEEE NOT LIKE THE CRAPPY LAST TIME WITH NO KNEE AND IT DIDN’T COUNT!

Gia is throwing up her guts,and Teresa yells “ARE YOU IN THE TOILET!” . Barney Devito is sitting there laughing his ass off because I bet this is Gia’s first hangover since she had her first beer with her pops and now she’s a man. After Gia throws up, her mom asks her to pose for a picture with a fresh pukey face.

The Manzo’s attend a concert where Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley’s daughter Alexa is performing and supposedly Albie is dating this girl and Caroline is desperate to arrange a marriage between the two (maybe she should employ Kathy to make her a love potion). The Godmother and Albie want to make sure that Christopher doesn’t embarrass them in front of Alexa with his Mad Cajun voice. The Godmother says that her baby Albie was raised at the same level of snootiness as princes Billy Joel. I didn’t know caterings business bastards make as much as some big time artist. Ok people Caroline just told us that we are all idiots and are in the wrong business. Except for those of you who launder catering. Alexa makes a joke about being older than Albie and Albie answers by calling her an old lady and making an ass of himself. Albie didn’t need any help from Christopher making an ass of himself he seems to be able to do that all on his own. Alexa’s mom Christie avoids that crowd and decides to bail before Caroline calls her over and it becomes awkward. Caroline keeps looking over her shoulder with hopeful puppy dog eyes hoping for Christie Brinkley to come by and say ‘hi’ and sits there dreaming of Alexa becoming her future daughter in-law and it’s never going to happen. Sad.

After Monica Chacon was thrown out of Melissa and Psycho Joe’s house; she stood outside waiting for Kim G, who said ‘goodbye and sucks to be you’ to Monica and made that bitch walk home in her stilettos, in the dark, with no ride. What a great friend she is,  stays at the party her side-bitch just got kicked out from HOW NICE!. Kim felt it was better to stay because someone has to start shit and run her mouth and this is exactly what this hag did. How long is her Bravo audition going to go on for?

Teresa is happy and grateful that Melissa threw that skank out and decides to dance with her sister-in-law and Psycho Joe decides to get sandwiched in between the Nalgas of all his sisters-in-law plus some random transvestite bitches in there, so that he can corral them for the orgy he is having later where he will be wearing his best nightie with his high heel slippers.

Teresa tells Melissa that if they stick together they are unstoppable  (yeah imagine all the fraud and scams they can commit?) and Kim G yells “for now!”. Suddenly Teresa hears this bitches sewer-banshee  screeches  and  realizes Kim G is still in the house  smirking like an asshole licking her shit stirring spoon and mocking Teresa because even though the lawyer skank got booted out Kim didn’t, so Kim makes sure she rubs it in Teresa’s face that she is still there. Teresa asks her bro and sil WTF? They tell her to chill because Kim is just a harmless senior citizen, but Tree knows better and tells them that Kim is  a snake who will start all kinds of mad dog shit, but Psycho Joe and Mel decide to ignore that. Did they not watch the last season? Melissa says Teresa hates Kim G because they’re a lot alike so they are secretly sisters. Really? Are you sure you’re all not triplets from different decades?

And of course this time Teresa was right, Kim G is running a trail of diarrhea spewage about Melissa kicking Monica out to anyone that will listen and it appears Kathy and a circle of women are giving her audience, but all she gets is a bunch of dirty looks and frowns. Not too happy Lauren tells that bitch to quit stirring the witch brew because she is pathetic.  The God Mother is keeping an eye on this lunatic like a watchdog and gets on her bitch slapping mode walks up to Kim Granny-Tell gets in that bitche’s face wagging her finger, to tell that bitch off and put her in her place. The God Mother tells that bitch to have respect for their son’s friendship and Kim G keeps smirking like the bitch she is, until she is told to get the fuck out by Christopher who is trying to stop the two grandma’s from going at it, so he gets in between them. Kim G’s bodyguard (who is like 70, 80?) stands there staring while gnats are flying around his face and Kim G yells SEEK SEEK!! But that doesn’t work on her elderly body guard (whom she picked up at the old-people-home she finds her free dates at) then his ass gets yelled at by The God Father (who is also ready to throw down) and tells him to FUCK OFF!

Chris tries to be cool about the whole deal and decides he is not going to let this shit-storm get more stormy so he talks to Kim Granny-Tell (like an adult which obviously SHE is NOT!) and tries to patch things up by kindly walking her outside. While he is outside chatting with Kim G Teresa and Barney Devito are waiting for the valet to bring their car and end up watching the whole spectacle realizing Kim G is getting kicked out of the party. Tree is glad she isn’t in this mess and tells her hubby she is going to ride his vibrator wearing sausage cock all night long while Kim G plays with her toys. EEEEWWWW!!! Thanks Tree now I need to wash my brain with acid to get rid of that image.

The God Mother freaks out because she doesn’t want her baby Christopher outside trying to reason with the Devil so she sends her “Golden Boy” to fetch him and finish taking out the “Gaw-bage”. Of course she is walking right behind Albie to make sure that old bitch leaves, The God Father is right behind her in case he has to send his thugs out to throw the security guard in the trash whom I’m sure took refuge in hiding under the car by now. Ashley is also right behind HOPING that she will have to go rip some old lady weave, but her mom drags her back in. The God Father calls Kim a “clown” and Ashley responds “just like Danielle!”.

Christopher seems to be handling the situation pretty well when Albie comes fling out like he’s ready to box Kim G and he commands Christopher to come back in. Like a little boy that got grounded and can’t play outside anymore, Christopher comes back inside and when Kim G tries to come back in Albie barks at her, BITCH YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, I’M SECURITY, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, and Kim G asks him when did you become security? But Albie has a reply for everything and says SINCE LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO BITCH! LEAVE! And surprisingly she left! Teresa yells “ding dong the witch is dead!”.

Melissa thinks it’s strange that the Manzo’s were kicking someone out of her party. If it had been any other people she would of being pissed, BUT since this is the Manzo’s she is going to shut the fuck up and NOT bitch, but instead just tell her boys to take notes and do the same for mama when their ass is grown up. Well yeah! When her son’s are like twenty, she is still gonna be feeding them in the mouth with the apron strings attached, so them barking at bitches that start shit with their mama is expected.

After the fiasco the Manzo’s are all sitting around while Christopher expects a call from Johnny, Kim G’s son. Christopher is pissed off that he was handling the situation well, but his familia had to get all ugly and kick Kim G out and all this shit while he was trying to be respectful to his friend’s mother, despite the fact she is a crazy ass bitch. I feel bad for Christopher! The older Chris  jumps in to give his opinion on Kim G and says that the bitch needs to be smacked and “all bets are off!” IT’S WAR! The phone rings and is Johnny on the other line they talk things out and all is well. I’m sure Kim G’s son knows how crazy his mom is no one has to explain it to him, that’s why he ran far away to college like he did to get away from her. However, that crazy bitch Kim G went to Rumorfix.com where she claims the cameras didn’t get the full drama she says that Albie shoved her and her son and Christopher got into a fight as a result of this shit and she seems to have an air of satisfaction that she ruined their friendship. Is this bitch mentally ill or just plain evil?

When the party is over and everyone leaves Psycho Joe has to show his respect to the God Father by kissing his ring (he better remember to ask him a favor on Lauren’s wedding day) then he thanks him for taking the “Gaw-bage” out of his house.

Melissa says the party was a success, even though they spend 50k on the party it was all for charity and worth it they were able to collect eight used toys amounting to less than ten dollars and some of them weren’t even toys, they were just things people found around the house and wrapped up. There’s going to be a cancer child opening up a can of Cheese Wiz on Christmas day.

Kathy is having her own Christmas party and her mom is there helping her prepare food and in familias Italianas the women go on a  cooking marathon during Christmas eve while they talk shit about everybody and they don’t stop until they’re done. Kathy’s mom tells the story about how a hundred years ago her husband sold his business to her brother and he never finished paying so she didn’t speak to the brother for like another 70 years and one day she ran into him at the fish market and started crying because she was regretful. Sounds like keeping score has been around in this family for decades and now it has just mutated into a big circus that’s getting aired out on national TV. Their entertaining fights and brawls are no longer limited to the neighbors eyes, now the whole country can watch! AWESOME!

Caroline is giving advice on her radio show and people are calling in while she tells them to quit being pussies. Her brother Chris calls totally unexpected and unscripted by Bravo and asks advice on dealing with Assho-ley. And she tells him to put the smack down. No just kidding she tells him something stupid like he is doing a good job or some shit. I heard that right now Assho-ley is living in Texas with her other family because she got tarred, feathered and chased out of town by the Jersey folk.

I didn’t know Caroline’s brother is in town. Uh oh!! Is that Caroline?! Sorry! Caroline is cooking up a storm of her own, including her dad’s special ghetto I’m broke bitch sauce that he came up with when he was home-bound baked off his ass and broke. AHHH the recipes stoners come up with are the best!

Teresa’s daughters are all dolled up in the beautiful flower girl dresses she picked up cheap at the yard sale from My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding. The dress itself weights twice each little girl’s body weight and this weights them down if any of them think of running away. I’m looking at you Audriana!

The Gorga’s show up (Melissa had to drag Joe and bribe him with sex because he didn’t want to be there) and Melissa’s daughter is also sporting her own fifty pound dress. Fake Santa Claus show up and the girls are not fooled since they know it’s their grandma. Kids are so smart these days, with the Internet an’ all.

And speaking of Gypsy weddings and teenage brides Gia got a ring from a boy she doesn’t like, but she will take his rings and gifts. Barney Devito gets the shotgun ready as he and grandpa Gorga plan on negotiating an old fashioned shotgun Catskills wedding with a dowry for little Gia.

Uncle Psycho Joe  comes over to tease Gia and tells  her he is going to beat up her boyfriend and drunken Barney Devito gets all kinds of pissed because he believes Psycho Joe is ruining his evil genius plan of this marriage arraignment he is trying to coordinate in marrying Gia off to a rich family and get out of debt. So he decides to sit at the dinning table and trash talk Psycho Joe by calling him and his family “fucking animals” and calls Melissa “Raccoon face” and a “witch”. Yeah, this is really going to help things along with the Gorga/Giudice family feud.

Teresa and Melissa argue over whose outfit looks more like a two-dollar corner-whore. And Teresa tries to say she is embarrassed for Melissa showing her plastic cleavage (on Jesus’ 89th b-day) but Teresa is showing half butt-cheek. Turd meet the runs. Both of you are dressed like you have the SAME pimp! So shut the fuck up already!

Psycho Joe and Melissa do not stay for dinner, but instead head out to Kathy Wikipedia and her husband’s leaving a pissed off Teresa who had a place set for her brother and family the kids are pissed that they didn’t get to stay and play with their cousins. Poor kids! Right now they are too young to understand the so-called grown-ups immaturity!

At first I thought I was not going to be able to watch this new season because Bethenny is gone, but thank Goddess I get to watch her on BEA or else I would lose my shit.

This episode starts where we left these bitches off. Apparently this is the season where Alex Mccord takes no shit from bitches and will cut a ho if they look at her sideways. FINALLY! Bitch is from Brooklyn she needs to learn to represent that shit.

It looks like this entire season Jillousy is going to be going after Alex because Jill always has to go after the bitch she feels is below her, and since Alex doesn’t kiss her ass anymore and Bethenny is long gone, she now has to fuck with Alex because Jillousy always has to have a bitch to mess with. She also comes to my blog to leave nasty comments under the name ‘Suzanne’ and she changes her last name according to her split personality mood. 

 So we start with Ramona who is throwing a party for the new Ramoner Turtle Time Crazy Eyes Moonshine that she made in her bathtub with her feet, at midnight, while howling at the moon.

Alex and Simon show up to the shindig and run into Jillaousy to her dismay. Jill comes over to say ‘hi’ to Alex and Simon by giving them fake kisses and complements. In return Alex hits Jill in the back of the head while she drinks a diet Coke. Then, she says that fake bitch acts like nothing happened last year. Jill whines and wonders why Alex is such a bitch to her when she’s been nothing but nice. In her delusional little mind.

 This season Jillousy is also going to be doing a lot of hanging around Kelly Behemoth LooneyTunes. Since none of the other bitches want to play with her anymore, and the only one who doesn’t realize she is being played is Kelly; because she is mentally ill and an idiot. No offense to the mentally ill people or idiots. So Jill will be using her as her new meat puppet. And while Jill puts  her finger right up Kelly’s butthole, Jill will be able to control Kelly’s actions and also everything that comes out of Behemoth’s mouth.

 Jill declares her faux love for LooneyTunes ” I’m not a phony friend and I know Kelly went through a really rough time last year. I stuck by her because that’s what real friends do,” . And since I doubt Kelly is ever going to get her own spin off and I doubt any normal heterosexual male that isn’t a neanderthal will marry her beastly ass, she should be Jill’s pet friend for life. They are a match made in Bravo Hell. Aren’t they?

Jillousy asks Looney Tunes why she didn’t attend Ramona’s end of summer party. Kelly says that she didn’t go because Ramoner calls her what everybody already knows she is. ‘CRAZY!!!’. Then, Jillousy starts calling her dog Ginger crazy and Kelly steps in and says ‘don’t call her crazy’ then she starts chanting, I’M NOT CRAZY INSTITUZIONALISED YOU’RE THE ONE THAT’S CRAZY INSTITUTIONALIZED, YOU’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY INSTITUTIONALIZED. Then,she starts moshing in Jill’s room in circles until she poops the carpet and passes out. Yea she ain’t crazy. Mkay. I think Kelly needs to stop mixing her meds with booze that’s what I think.

Jill says she doesn’t want to fight anymore because the fight with Bethenny’ took years off her life’.  YEAH I CAN TELL! But the correct term is it ’put years’ on her life and face. Look at her she looks like she aged about 20 years, but it wasn’t because of  Bethenny it was because Jill is an asshole and a jealous bitch, that’s what did it. Ramona says,  ‘Jill will self-destruct’.

Next we get to visit with Alex and Simon from their new home based business. Alex says that Simon left the hotel to start his own company. Translation = his ass got fired and now he is unemployed, more than likely because Jillousy blabbed during the last reunion, that Alex was posing naked in those raunchy pictures at the hotel lobby where Simone used to work.

 Alex is also now a model at the age of 36! She models as a mummified corpse bride for Halloween stores  across the nation. Alex says she likes what she sees when she looks in the mirror and that she was very blessed in the good looks gene pool because, her parents where only first cousins and not brother and sister like Peggy Tanous from RHOC.

Kelly gets all jelaous that corpsy Alex is now modeling and says “being a model is defined by being photogenic. It does not mean you’re pretty.” That is true, I mean look at Bigfoot Kelly she is not even photogenic just butt ugly and they still hired her as a model even with that weird shaped body that can’t decide if it’s male or female!

On this episode we also get introduce to the new Ho’ Cindy. Who is a successful single mother that owns, ass and back waxing salons, that specialize in waxing hairy ass bitches and hot trannis that need extra help waxing their hairy scary asses.  Cindy is also part horse part Bigfoot, but her fancy expensive teeth implants came from a Tijuana show donkey, because she can afford shit like that.

 Cindy admits she’s had a hairy body problem because she is also part Bigfoot like Kelly and so she came up with a solution by making the waxing process sexy and she also made money in the process. Her sexy solution is putting bedazzled tracers on hairy bitches bellys’ to make a heart shaped hair patch and make the hair belly look more sexy. I bet that’s where Kelly Behemoth goes to get her hairy back and ass waxed.

Cindy also keeps reminding everyone that she has it all and doesn’t need a man to do it because not only does she have a successful ass waxing bizness, but also two twin babies at the ripe old age of 60 through IVF. What the fuck is IVF?? Ok so, I don’t know what  IVF  is.  Since some of us, used the back of the Camaro on prom night method 17 years ago, and you get a surprise baby nine months later.

Cindy continues to state that she doesn’t need a man. Is this bitch saying she doesn’t need a man the equivalent to Vicki saying she loves to work except that  in Cindy’s case she will keep it up, until her ass has a Kelly The Looney Tunes level 10 meltdown about being old, fat, lonely, and having donkey teeth implants? Because you know this bitch is desperate for a man! ‘Cause she keeps mentioning  it, every five seconds!  Jillousy gets the baby jealousy when she sees that this old bitch, who is also a  dinosaur like herself, was able to squeeze out 2 babies.

Of course Jillousy nominated herself to be the private investigator of this skank clan and the first thing she asks Mr. Ed is if those babies are hers or she stole them from some teenager at prom night, because Cindy is old enough to be those babies grandma Jill also asks where the baby daddy is.  Mr. Ed is uncomfortable with that question, but since she wants to fit into the house skank club she tells Jill the baby daddy is some donor who jacked off in a turkey baster because he was too disgusted to do Mr. Ed the old fashioned way.

Kelly Behemoth Looney Tunes tries to be the one liner funny gal and copies a line from Bethenny (I’m pretty sure) when she slams Silex for showing up to the ‘opening of an envelope’.

Now let’s spend time with Ramona who is interviewing ‘victims’ for her fetching bitch assistant position. Ramona interviews a parade of scared young women whom instead of interviewing like a normal person she goes over the line and insults them from their names to the jobs they have to the clothes they wear. I wonder how many of those poor young bitches went home crying and have now developed a phobia  from interviewing with Ramona that will need therapy because of the Ramoners evil insults.

I swear her and Vicki from OC are sisters from another mother, while Vicki sexually harasses her employees by pulling the bed covers at a hotel from them to spanking them for fucking up,  Ramona insults those bitches before they even start working for her. Seriously my Tarot cards tell me these two bitches will be having some serious ex- disgruntled employee lawsuits in their future, and will lose because of all the video evidence.

Sonja and LuAnn decided to double date with their current bootie calls and it all turned into a four way orgy. LuAnn and new boyfriend Jacquez switched places with Sonja and that artist dude what’s his face. Gonzo Sonja also doesn’t brush her nappy ass hair even thought she has all that money. I guess when she is having too much fun with her new boy toy there is no time to brush your hair or wash your ass. LuAnn’s new boyfriend Pepi Lapoop is very loud and he declares that he loves LuAnn and New York. Those French men they sure in fuck know how to get a green card don’t they.

Gonzo is also very happy with her new boytoy, she bought, who likes to come over her house to ‘hang paintings’. Gonzo would have never been able to go out with a hottie like the artist in the past since back then she had no looks or money and now that she has money, but still no looks she can at least buy hot guys.(to her he’s a hottie to me just your average looking guy).Therefore, Sonja is glad she did her time while married to grandpa bucks so that she can finally afford a hottie like the artist guy, who also wants to come over to LuAnn’s and see her bushy gardens. By the end of the evening they all had an orgy. Gonzo also states she wants to take it easy with the artist because she is only been divorced 27 years and that’s too soon to settle down.

The day of the wedding that all the bitches are invited to arrive, and Jill is complaining to Bawby about having trouble with the tube sock outfit that she wears under her dresses to hide the rolls of fat that hang from her skin. Next Jill has a shit fit and acts surprised, when she sees that Alex and Simon showed up to the wedding that she is attending to, even thought 2 seconds later during her camera interview she admits knowing they were coming.  Do these bitches forget they are being filmed?

The evening gets more fun when Alex catches Jill in another lie.  Jill is supposedly on the same committee with Alex for  a gay marriage walk. Jillousy lied to Alex and told her she is not going to the march because she will be out of town at a wedding, but this is this same wedding they are all at right now, and Alex sees no reason why this bitch can’t go to the march since she is driving after the wedding  to attend herself. Jillousy also lies and says that she is on some ‘honorary committee for people who ‘can’t attend’ sounds like bullshit to me.

Then, Ramoners gets caught talking shit about Donkey Teeth’s brother over some cigar bullshit and his amazon wife punches Ramoner in the back of the head for being an asshole and a fat mouth.

While Alex and Ramoners are out mingling and drinking Jillousy says that she is a changed woman “I said I couldn’t change and I have changed. And no matter what anyone does, I will always be nice and kind”. And blah, blah, blah and no more than five seconds later she is bad mouthing Alex to some gossipy pruny bitches (one of them looks Kim G’s sister). Those bitches sit there and talk smack about Alex and Jillousy tells Kim G’s sister “And that fucking bitch Alex McCord has the nerve to come up to me at the church and say ‘Oh I thought you were coming tomorrow because you’re on the committee.’ Look at her. She’s a bitch. She’s socializing at a party that is so above her,”.

What the fuck is this shit?!! Last time I checked this is America anybody can go to any place and socialize with whomever they want. This is not some ancient monarchy society where you’re not allowed to mingle with whomever you want. And besides who died and left Jillousy the queen police of social classes ? When the dumb bitch is as ghetto as they come since she crawled out of some dark butt-hole in Rhode Island.

 Then, the gossip sisters and Jillousy are talking smack about how dare Alex and Ramoners wear white to a wedding . Stupid Jill says is confusing her and that no one else is wearing white. Really? There was a shitload of other ho’s wearing white at that wedding, and how can this confuse Jill is she that stupid?

Alex comes over to the table where Jill is sitting with the gossip twins to confront her for being a bitch and a liar, and for not going to that gay rights march and for pretending she didn’t know Alex was attending the wedding or some confusing rigmarole bullshit like that.  Jill straight up lies and Alex says this season she is not letting Jillousy get away with shit and will sucker punch that fat bitch in the head if she keeps up her crap:  “I’m not going to let Jill weasel out of anything. She said she’s the queen of accountability but she’s really the queen of BS,”

That horrible picture I posted a couple days ago of seniors Kim Granatell and Michael Lohan sucking face, apparently caused Michael Lohan’s girlfriend to get pissed off over this douche making out with Kim G and douche bag punched his girlfriend’s girlfriend  in the face wich ended up with him in jail. I bet Kim G is enjoying all the attention she is getting because of this shit, and hoping Bravo is watching so that they can put her on the show as a permanent skank.

This is the original article:

Kate Major is putting ex-fiance, Michael Lohan, on blast as she accuses him of lying, womanizing and punching her girlfriend in the face.

When Faye Resnick appeared on the last Real Housewives Of BH she really caused jealous Camille Grammer to have an Irritable Bullshit Syndrome splat attack , which brought in the ratings for Bravo and lots of viewers are hopeful she will be a regular on the show. Bravo must of saw how much she irritated and grinded on Camille Grammer’s nerves, because now there is a new rumor  hitting the blogosphere, that Bravo has actually met with Faye, and are very interested in making her an official housewife on the show.

A source told Hollywood Life: “Faye has met with producers and there is a lot of interest from the show’s fans to have her on,  I don’t have word yet on whether she has officially signed on, but I do know that she was being seriously considered.”

Also this morning Celebrity Magnet posted a photo of desperate for attention Kim Grannytell and Lindsay Lohan’s pops Michael Lohan sucking face. Hopefully ya’ all haven’t had breakfast yet, because this photo below, is pretty gross.

After getting fired from Bravo for being a dangerous psychopath. Joker Face decided to move out of the delapitated, dog feeces infested, hide out ,we saw her living in during the filming of the show and brags that she now lives in Manhatan. Joker Face also acts all stupid when they ask her if her and so called lesbian booty call for this month Lori Michaels are bumping fuglys togueter she just answers all shady, just like a creepy bitch like herself would. She is also trying to desperately pitch her own reality spin wreck to other networks. Here is what she told Eonline:

Danielle Staub has left the building.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey star tells me she’s moved out of the house and town where she and her daughters lived while filming the Garden State reality show…

“I’m in New Jersey right on the water but I live probably about 40 minutes away from them,” she said, referring to her Housewives enemies costars. “It was two days after the reunion. I got up and I left.

“My view is of Manhattan,” she added. “I go to sleep and wake up to Manhattan every day.”

And while she doesn’t exactly say it, it sounds like she may be waking up to Lesbian Superstar Lori Michaels every day, too. “We’re together every day, all day,” Staub said. “Her whole family is now an extension of my whole family. Her family is with my kids right now…So we’re close.”

Staub declines to call Michaels her girlfriend, but smiled, “Even Helen Keller can see from our pictures what we are.”

Could a wedding be in their future? “I don’t know if I want to get remarried right now, but eventually,” she said. (FYI: Gay marriage is legal in N.J.)

The two met a couple of years ago during a gay pride event. The rest of their story, Staub hopes, will be told in a new reality show she is currently pitching to networks.

Nothin’ says love like a reality show.

Also a few days ago this crazy bitch was all pissed off after Bravo comfirmed they fired her ass and went on a bitch rampage thrashing the other house ho’s.  She called Teresa Giudice an ‘Ape from Planet of the Apes’. She also says that Barney loves his strippers and accuses Teresa of not keeping Barney happy in the bedroom and that’s why he chases other ho’s. Here is the original article from Radaronline:

Danielle Staub has officially left the Real Housewives of New Jersey, but she is still in fighting mode about her former cast mates.

RadarOnline.com has exclusive excerpts from her first post-show interview, with Steppin’ Out Magazine, including why she thinks Teresa looks like a character from Planet of the Apes!

“She needs a hairline revision,” Staub told editor Chaunce Hayden. “Planet of the Apes has nothing on her!”

Staub added, “She reminds me of Cornelius from Planet of the Apes. Could you imagine if her face is that hairy what her body hair must be like? It’s got to be out of control.”

Here’s a taste of Staub’s comments.

On Teresa’s Husband Joe Having An Affair

“I would not doubt that for a second. I hear that all the time. I was hearing those rumors before we even taped the show. Joe loves his strippers. Maybe that’s another reason Teresa hates me. She forgets I used to be a stripper. I’m not a stripper anymore. Don’t hate us all.

“If she was making Joe happy maybe he wouldn’t have to go some place else. I don’t know what goes on in their bedroom, but from what I’ve seen, Teresa is not exactly a turn on. Her forehead is disturbing. But it’s not even about her looks.

“Her personality and lack of compassion is what makes her ugly. It’s the way she speaks to her husband and overindulges her children is what makes her ugly. She’s teaching her children to be just like she is. Look at her kids. They’re gorgeous little girls, but their attitudes only show disrespect. I don’t care of that. I feel bad for them. They’re learning what they live.

“The mother is teaching them they are too good for everything except being treated like princesses. But it’s not reality. Teresa, you’re 11 million dollars in debt. How much of a princess can your kids be? Make them work. Give them structure. Her children want to be told what’s wrong and what’s right. They need boundaries and structure. That’s what I do for my kids. I give them structure and boundaries.”

On Teresa’s Husband Being Drunk and a Liar

“I said this from the beginning: In time everyone will be exposed. I don’t have to say anything. They’re exposing themselves. Dina is a liar. She lies and all the others swear to it. It’s almost as believable as Teresa’s husband Joe getting drunk after he had his car accident because he needed to calm his nerves. I’m very passionate about not letting him get away with that. I don’t think drunk driving is anything to be made light of. Bravo glorified it and that makes me sick.

“When Andy Cohn brought that up at the reunion and after Teresa told that crazy story he said, “Oh I can believe that.” Um… really? He smashed his car and Teresa claims ten of them shared just one bottle of wine. Meanwhile have you ever seen them without a glass of wine in their hands? But this one time they split one bottle of wine and Joe got drunk after he smashed into a telephone pole. Really?

“I’m not allowing Joe to get away with it. My daughter is getting her drivers license and I’m not going to let people like Bravo, Joe, and Teresa get her killed because they think it’s funny to drive drunk. That’s not going to happen. Joe is a liar and shame on Bravo for supporting him. Joe was drunk when he hit that telephone pole… Every single scene those women are in they’re drinking alcohol. Do you see me drinking? No. Because I have to drive. And I have a much better time when I’m sober.”

RadarOnline.com will have more of Staub’s shocking and revealing interview in which she also slams the Manzo sisters and dishes the dirt on the celebrities that she’s hooked up with!

 It’s funny how she calls Teresa an Ape with no forehead and shit. This is coming from a used up, dried up, coke whore who’s eyebrows look like they have been kept hostage, just like her children have and are trying to escape her psycho clown insanity.

Kim Granny-Tell , is the stench that keeps on lingering like rotted fish, long after the trash of the Labor Day wild weekend got taken out. The season is over and this bitch is still hanging around. Specially since now that Teresa may leave and Joker Face getting fired there is room for her skank ass for a spot on the train wreckage of hell. Desperate for Bravo to pick her saggy ass up, she has been going on a promotional fame whoring viral campaign . And along for the ride  her boy-toy Tom Murro , has been keeping bloggers  updated with a trail of Kim’s   shenanigans of Attention-Whore Desperation . 

First some misterious  nauseating bikini pictures  of Kim appeared  and supposedly  this Tom  dude  is a journalist and he was taking the pictures while spending the Labor Day weekend together with Kim at some private beach club in Long Branch NJ and he brags about how he enjoyed ‘private cabana, martini’s, massages and sunny weather’. Tom Murro has been enjoying all these perks and Granny gets off on the fact he is hanging around her along for the ride.

 It seems that Kim Granny-Tell’s new boy-ho’  been keeping everyone updated on Kim’s attempts at pissing off the Housewives by showing off how wealthy she is and the other bitches are broke ass posers that can’t even afford a younger boy-toy who’s willing to act as an accomplice to Kim Granny-Tells schemes.

She even went on a good Samaritan mission by showing up at some ghetto Pay less shoe store and buying some poor kids shoes and backpacks to go back to school. Damn she is trying desperately  hard. I wonder if those kids and their parents weren’t even really poor. They probably just showed up to get their free shoes and school supplies ’cause they heard this desperate bitch was coming throwing money around.  I don’t blame them.

 Next attention whore desperate and successful attempt at some attention came when she started some shit with Jersey Shore’s hooligan ‘The Situation’.  I guess this ho’ wants to have her gigolo Tom Murro arm wrestle The Situation. Check out her Instigation Tweets:

1. Fashion Week bound with Deborah Gregory & Beverly Johnson. Come on Situation, don’t chicken out on me! Afraid? less than 20 seconds ago via TweetToGo
2. Come on Situation, we are waiting!! Don’t worry, we can handle you guys!! Pilates-my version of your gym pays off. Check TMZ out today!! 6:41 AM Sep 8th via web
3. Seriously, you must do Arm Wrestlingwith Tom Murro & I will bob for pickes with Snooki. Have your people call my people. 1:48 PM Sep 7th via web
4. Hey Situation, the Instigation wants to have a POW WOW with you. Come On!! I also do GTL, but mine is Gym, Terrorizing, & Laundry!!! Yes!!! 1:42 PM Sep 7th via web
5. spent the day with Tom Murro in downtown Paterson at “Payless” buying shoes and backpacks for children of the less fortunate. 4:06 PM Sep 6th via web
6. at The Jersey Shore hanging out at the private Beach Club in Long Branchwith Kim D”s sister. Not slepping it on the public beach like ??? 9:30 AM Sep 5th via TweetToGo

 Later on The Situation turned down The Desperation Instigation Kim Granny-Tell. And pretty much just laughed at her and told her ‘Good luck’ Granny!

Maybe her nickname should be  be Granny-Ho’ now to go with these pictures.

Kim Granny-Tell may of being rejected by Bravo . More than likely ’cause she got on the other bitches last nerves and nobody wanted to be friends with her 4 face bitch ass .

 But don’t worry when one door to Satan’s Hell closes, another one opens right away. Since there’s always room somewhere in Reality TV Famewhoring land for an old ridiculous ho’ bag like Kim G. Whose hobbies include having a severe case of Attention Whore Personality disorder and a lot of time in her hands.

And Reality TV loooves loonies just like Kim, so  it appears that Kim Granny-Tell found another way into the famewhoring spotlight that she so starvingly craves and  is in the works of  her own Reality TV embarrasement wreckage. 

 Nowadays in order to be on TV all you gotta do is be dysfunctional with several mental problems, have a shady stripper or prostitution whore past, with some coke sprinkled on top of it and start shit with other bitches and BAM! Your ass is on TV making an ass out of your self before you can spell RAGIN FAMEWHORE.

Kim G says that the second part of the  reunion next week, gets so out of hand that she couldn’t wait to get the fuck up out of there. I wonder if Joker Face brings to the reunion her posse of armed thugs, ex-cons and Hells Angel’s again.

Kim Granny also proudly talks about how she crashed Joker Face’s 80th birthday bash at some stripclub and how she showed up before Joker Face had a chance to. So Joker Face  was all ragingly pissed off popping veins out of her lizard dried up neck, when she saw  Kim there with all the paparazzi bathing her in all their attention jiz. And bitch Granny was enjoying it . Of course.

 During the interview Granny pulls a glove out of her crusty ass and says that she needs to use that shit so that she doesn’t have to touch Teresa’s gross used bullshit that she is going to buy during Teresa’s Yard Sale Of  Tacky Ass-Shit  Bankruptcy Extravaganza. Then she mocks Teresa and says it’s all about ‘Cleansiness’.  Kim also states that she is showing up to Teresa’s Bankruptcy sale with her own circus of cameras in tow and is going to purposely make Teresa’s life miserable. Them fighting words.

Click here for the full video of the interview with Kim Granny Tell. Thanks the inside source who send me the link.

For those of you that the link did not work here is the website address copy and paste to your browser and see if it works:

http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?regionId=2&articleId=260081&position=1&news_type=news

Ok guys to those of you who still can’t get to the interview, you can view it on my Facebook. If you’re not my friend on FB just request to be my friend and you can see it. Look for Nastassia Bathory. I’m the only one with that name there. I checked! And click on the interview and hopefully this time it will work.

And here is some of Kim Granny-Tell’s selected best Tweets, when she was probably flying high on Tijuanian- Demon- diet pills and red-red wine:

1. who wears “big” all wrong flowers over a fat ass and fake boobs??? call the Fashion Police, pleeeeease. & get a seat @ Fashion Week!!!! about 20 hours ago via TweetToGo
2. thanks to everyone at News 12 NJ. Had a great morning with Tom Murro and the ride down in his new G Wagon. Thank u Kim G. 6:04 AM Aug 31st via TweetToGo
3. can.t blame Barney Rubble 4 cheating. Who would want to “F” that all the time. It.s like f…ing a man F…ing her. 1:24 PM Aug 30th via TweetToGo
4. OMG! learn how to walk in those “bad” Pay Less boots with that all croaked “fat ass”. OUCH! Again, trying to be something that you are not. 11:48 AM Aug 29th via TweetToGo
5. OMG!! not again!! Wearing that borrowed Chinchilla wrap from Kim D. Of course pretending it.s heres. Verify with Kim D if u need to!! 8:04 AM Aug 28th via TweetToGo
6. $51,000 in furniture??? One of my door panels on my Ferrairi cost more. To have it, and really have it, and not pretend to have it!! 11:25 AM Aug 27th via TweetToGo
7. Lets reminisce again Part 2. How about that beating in the F wing & outside school? Guess we r not as tough as we act!! Phony again, right?? 10:55 AM Aug 26th via TweetToGo
8. Now lets reminisce: High School Mascot was the “Bulldog” and your nickname was just that. OMG!!! The face fits it, doesn’t it??? 2:43 PM Aug 25th via web
9. Tom Murro comes through. Yes! I love it like I do him. Delivers gift to Pres. Obama from Yogi Berra. See all the details on Politico.com 1:39 PM Aug 25th via TweetToGo
10. .The Title should have read “How to lose a “fat ass” in Ten Days” and u have got to know what I am talking about?? 11:13 AM Aug 25th via TweetToGo
11. Dinner @ 8 Elios 2nd Av NYC with friends from Capri. Itlay & not disgusting, dirty Naples, Italy. Cristal flowing again. Oh to have it all!! 3:33 PM Aug 24th via TweetToGo
12. Gay Pride Parade Sat 28th Jersey City. I am volunteering. Tuesday Aug 31st News 12 New Jersey I am on with Tom Murro & no this is not hacked 1:29 PM Aug 24th via TweetToGo
13. Kim D & I Fashion Week bound. Louboutins & major designers in tow! Oh. which ones do we pick? So nice to be rich, never having to pretend! 8:53 AM Aug 24th via TweetToGo
14. sitting on one of my many outside decks Cristal flowing. There never will be the stinky smell of a pizzeria below where I live. Love it! yes 4:22 PM Aug 23rd via TweetToGo
15. Tom, per your request your new Mercedes G Wagon, red bow and all awaits your return. How “hot” are you to be hanging with the President. 2:48 PM Aug 23rd via TweetToGo
16. Tom Murro doing pre Presidebt interviews with CNN, & all other major networks I know we miss each other together.. my partner in deviousness 1:11 PM Aug 23rd via TweetToGo
17. My guess is eventually “not a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out”. Oh to live the high life, AZ, the spa, private jet, & Tom, OMG 8:42 PM Aug 22nd via TweetToGo
18. private jet back to NJ. Refueling & dropping Tom off in Martha’s Vineyard 4 interviews with Pres. Obama tomo. see Boston Globe 08/19 online. 1:52 PM Aug 22nd via TweetToGo
19. Love my $80,000 Chiinchilla jacket that arrived from Florence, Italy. I know mine was not borrowed from my sister-in-law Kim D @ Posche!! 12:25 PM Aug 22nd via TweetToGo
20. Google “Planet of the Apes” (the movie), the character “Bright Eyes“, and guess who looks like her and has her forehead???