Teresa Giudice has a new yearly tradition, to cause a brawl and cut a bitch at the annual Posche Fashion Show. This year it appears the shenanigans involved Kim De Paola (owner of Posche) and Melissa Gorga her sister-in-law. The genius instigators of drama that is the Bravo producers had invited Kim G to the fashion show to set up the circus of drama. It must be the end of the world coming people, because Kim G refuse the invite because she felt she was going to get set up. Supposedly Teresa and Kim D (the other Kim) wanted to “expose” Melissa’s past as a stripper.
Because of all this bullshit Jacqueline started making up an excuse that she was sick, and wanted to skip out on the reunion show. She tweeted: “I feel nauseous and feverish. No reunion for me.Sorry guys.XOXO!” Never has a housewife skipped on the reunion, but I guess we have a first. Apparently Jacqueline attended thePosche Fashion Show and supposedly Teresa and Kim D teamed up to fuck with Melissa. This is what Jacqueline tweeted: “Someone( not me) got set up tonight. There are some sneaky people trying to make someone look bad & then play innocent on camera. Sad.” An insider told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D tried to start a rumor Melissa was a stripper “Teresa was involved in a rumor that started which stated Melissa was a stripper,” the insider tells Reality Tea adding that “Melissa was never a stripper.” And adds “Of course, once Teresa got caught, she [started] playing the blame game. Teresa and Kim D were part of this “set up” which is why Joe Gorga came at the end of the fashion show.”
Psycho Joe Gorga went on a tweeting verbal bitch smacking rampage against Teresa. From Reality Tea:– “I thought the saying was blood is thicker than water. #BULLSHIT”. Upon arriving at the fashion show, Joe had it out with Kim D and had to be calmed down by Caroline.
Teresa managed to finally push Jacqueline and Caroline to their limit with her bullshit and now they no longer speak to her. The source reveals the only reason Caroline and Jacqueline had to sit with Teresa and show up to the fashion show was because Bravo forced them to.
Jacqueline kept going off on her Twitter, “2b honest.I’m tired of the BS &shitty low life people.I didn’t know this was what I signed up 4.I have 2rise above&move on.”
The initial rumor was that Teresa got into it with that bitch Monica Chacon at the Fashion Show, but as it turns out Monica refused the invite from Bravo also and decide to skip. Bravo was also rumored to have been inviting Joker Face to the Russian roulette party and that bitch refused also!
The insider also told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D where all hanging out together and filming all day, they even arrived at the fashion show together! (As dates of each other?) and Teresa has alienated all of her costars. That’s why she is hanging around that witch Kim D because nobody else will play with her!
While Teresa was prostituting herself to Bravo by bringing in the drama and taking out her aggressions on bitches whose husbands still want to sniff their panties and all of that good shit was going down, Barney Devito was hanging around his girlfriend. Supposedly:
Barney Devito was “spotted” having an intimated dinner with a misterious brunnete woman who was in her late 20s or early 30s.
“I was in the T.G.I. Fridays and saw Joe and this woman who was NOT Teresa having a drink in a booth by the bar,” eyewitness Erin exclusively told RadarOnline.com.
“They were drinking martinis and when the woman finished hers she took a sip out of Joe’s glass too. They looked like they were having a good time together and laughing with each other.”
After a waiter brought them wet naps the woman opened hers and “wiped Joe’s hands off with hers,” Erin said. “It was really intimate to see her touching his hands like that.
“They looked very comfortable and cozy together.”
I can’t tell how old that “mysterious” woman looks like, but I think she looks like Joker Face! (Danielle Staub) Wouldn’t that be some shit if it was Joker Face?
Jacqueline did NOT attend the reunion like she stated and gave an interview to People Magazine confirming she is quiting this unhealthy circus of chaos:
“Jacqueline [Laurita] definitely quit,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She had to walk away for her sanity.”
A source tells PEOPLE that Laurita “had no intention of going to the reunion, and the other women weren’t expecting her to turn up.”
Meanwhile on her Twitter account, costar Teresa Giudice also hinted at tensions at the fashion show – and with Jacqueline – writing, “I don’t even wanna go there b/c I don’t fight on twitter not w/ fans, not haters, not w/ mean RTs & def not w/ a friend (ahem) or my family!”
Giudice also wrote on Wednesday evening: “The rumors are getting ridiculous. Let’s get this straight: I LOVE my WHOLE family. Would never do anything to hurt them.”The show lost original cast member Danielle Staub last year, and returned with new cast membersKathy Wakile and Melissa Gorga for its third season.
“I can’t be part of the Charade anymore,” Laurita Tweeted Wednesday. “It’s unsettling. It’s disturbing & against what I stand for. I’m a REAL housewife.”
Later, she reiterated her point, writing, “I’d like to only focus on positive things now please. I threw the trash out.I’m cleaning now and reorganizing.Starting fresh and new.”
When reached, Bravo reps had no comment.
Remember Dina Manzo had already hinted that someone was quitting!
Thank you all that send me links to this juicy piece of gossip!
The Godmother Caroline is on the air spewing her words of wisdom about how to be a tactful bitch. Someone calls in to get advice on dealing with an asshole what would Caroline do? Caroline’s advice,“Do not let anybody intimidate you,”. The cameramen just happens to be following Melissa around who happens to be all dressed up in fur listening to this mess and since she has to deal with an asshole named Teresa she decides to take Caroline’s advice and call up Teresa to set up a play date between Antonia and little Milania who haven’t seen each other all winter break.
At Jacqueline’s Ashley is sketching portraits of dead celebrities so that in the future when she goes to prison she can give the other inmates some nice tattoos. No, but seriously Ashley is doing a good job at her sketches and Jacqueline who is a wits end has now send Ashley’s grandpa to talk some sense into her and advice her on how to get her shit together and not be a loser. Assho-ley has years of experience walking all over grown ups that her grandpa trying to talk to her it’s just a big joke and she totally ignores him while she sits there drawing and whining about how she doesn’t like working, or rules, or deadlines, or effort, or being told what to do, or doing shit. Her grandpa frustrated tells her “well life it’s a deadline!” It’s true even when she becomes a homeless bum she will be given deadlines by police officers who will tell her to move her makeshift shaft in thirty minutes to avoid a fine for public loitering.
Mel calls Teresa who pretends she don’t know who the fuck is calling and agrees to the play date after acting all bitchy.
The Godfather is shaving with a razor from the 1850′s and the Godmother is waiting for him to be done so that she can shave next. But in the meantime she is calling Kathy Wikipedia to invite her and the husband to New Years Bash at the BrownStoner hoping that inviting Kathy will cause another family brawl when Teresa shows up and goes batshit crazy on Kathy and Richard. Kathy happily agrees to come to the BrownStoner for the celebrations and the Godmother says she doesn’t give a FUCK what anyone else thinks (but specially Teresa!) “Even though I love Teresa as a person, I will not hate someone because you want me to.” Awwhh! I see a fight between Caroline and Teresa in the future on my crystal ball. Caroline also hopes that “I like to think that we’re all adults and we can get together in a room and just have a good time and act appropriately.”. Those are high hopes. However, the last 2 seasons of the NJ housewives prove other wise.
Lauren Manzo now has a new enterprise peddling beauty products on the NJ housewives show since her parents told her to do something with her life or get cutt off because Lauren is NOT Albie (or Chris) and mom and pop will NOT be paying her rent like they pay for the condo in Hoboken for Albie and Chris.
So Lauren (is now practicing to run for future house skank along with her cousin Ashley) hired Ashley to design the T-shirts for her new venture and Ashley shows up late hung over and unprepared (I’m sure this is how this girl usually shows up when she has to be somewhere that even that tweeker bitch must of fired her ass). She presents Lauren with some shitty ass sketches she drew with lipstick on a napkin in the back of her car.
Lauren throws that shit on Ass-holey’s face and yells WHAT IS THIS CRAP MAKE THIS GO AWAY!! THIS IS CRAP DID YOU JUST PULL THIS OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DREW IT WITH FECES WHILE IN THE CAR??!! COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO SHOW ME !! BITCH!!! Ass-holey sat there speechless, (yeah, I was surprised about that too!) and gives her Ass-holey typical answer “whatever!”, but not to Lauren’s face she says that to the camera. The whole so-called “client and artist business meeting” was so fucking ridiculous because it was obvious those two dumb asses where just playing! There was no real business, client or whatever relationship there. They where like two children playing business ladies and I can NOT take this whole scene or whatever the fuck they where trying to do there serious.
Over at Melissa’s house her daughter Antonia is wondering why Milania is not there yet to kick her ass and take her toys. She complains to her mother about this who just dismisses it like it’s not important and she reminds Antonia to get used to this shit because when she grows up her and Milania are going to be carrying the continuing torch of family feuds that’s gone back several generations and so Melissa tells Antonia “less whining more scrapping.”
Back at Teresa’s we find out the reason she is running late is because Teresa allows Milania to run the show and decide what she is going wear when she is only four years old. Milania is throwing a hissy fit and takes all of her clothes out of the dresser and tosses them on the floor. Finally Teresa waits until the cameramen left the room so she can spank that little Gremlin and toss her in the car after she dressed her up like she is going to a pageant.
Teresa piles her daughters in her car and while driving she is swerving all over the road because little Milania wasn’t strapped to her seat and was jumping all over the car kicking her sisters and trying to take over the wheel making Teresa damn near crash her SUV into a pole.
Finally they get to Melissa’s and the children get send to play in the room while the moms get wasted on feet wine. When Antonia shows Milania her new doll Milania yanks it from her and says ‘Pretty I want this! MINE!” Did ya all see Antonia’s fear in her eyes when she was showing Milania that doll? She didn’t even say NUTHING! She let Milania punk that shit from her and didn’t even try to stop her because she knew Milania was going to drop kick her ass and now Milania has a new doll.
While Milania was punking on Antonia (see Milania knows her future role and accepts it) Teresa was punking on Melissa. Everything that Mel would say to Tree was met with a FUCK YOU reply. You can clearly tell that Teresa wanted the camera men to leave so she can sucker punch Melissa on the back of the head and steal her voice LIKE URSULLA! Yes, when Mel brags about farting out a CD (ala Countless and Kim Zolciak) Teresa fires back with a bitch dig and says YEAH WELL ANYBODY CAN PUT OUT A CD THESE DAYS! Then, she demands that Melissa sing something. Melissa says HELL TO THE NO! Because she is saving her vocal chords and Ursulla may steal her mermaid auto-tune voice (Yes, now that Mel is Beyonce an’ all!).
Mel then takes Tree on a tour of her dungeon and Tree laughs at that bitch and tells her that Psycho Joe only build her that shit so that she can be ”locked” up and to pimp her ass out to make him money. Meanwhile as they are both touring the dungeon, Tree thinks about maybe beating the shit out of Mel then strangling her with her own microphone then burying the corpse in the basement, but then realizes the cameramen are still there filming so she decides to carry out those plans when no cameras are around or just get drunk and fantasize about it like she usually does.
And now I like to call this portion the Milania Show actually this whole fucking episode should of being named ”The Milania Show” because Milania and her rug rat thughed out shenanigans was the best fucking part of this whole bitch. Except her name should not be Milania her name should be Karmania. Yes, Karmania! She is Teresa’s Karma for all the shit she gave her parents when she was a little kid and she looks just like Teresa too except she is still cute!
Everyone is getting ready to go to the BrownStoner for the New Years Bash and Teresa is at her house getting her face plastered on by her makeup whore. Little Milania is running around raising hell demanding Pizza. Karmania yells GIVE ME PIZZA YOU OLD TROLL!! Barney Devito knows he is the old troll so he doesn’t even say shit. He gives little Karmania/Milania/Milanesa her pizza and Karmania continues to terrorize her sister Gabriella and spit chunks of chewed up pizza on her because it’s funny.
Gabriela wants to knock her block off while Barney Devito who is fucking tired of raising all these children’s whose names he can no longer keep up with has discovered and mastered the art of delegating his parental responsibilities of wooping his children’s rear end when they misbehave. Barney Devito’s method consist of having the big one discipline the little one, so he barks at little Milania/Karmania ‘I’m not doing anything if she whoops your ass!” or some shit like that and gives Gabriella the red light to go apeshit on her sister should she keep up her spitting marathon.
Then, Teresa yells something like DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM JOE!” Loved it! Why don’t they just make a show about the Giudice children starring Milanesa/ Karmania and her shenanigans. Yep, by the time those girls are teenagers Barney Devito is going to be insane, if he already isn’t going insane because who am I to say? Maybe this method that he has developed in rearing his children by empty threats and delegating ass kicking duties to the older children is just a defense mechanism for coping with the danger of losing more of his mind.
Followed by little Karmania parading in her mother’s cheetah print eight inch stilettos singing ‘I’m a rock star, I’m a rock star!” All I can think is AAAWWWHHH!!! Sneaky little shit! Why does Karmania have to be so cute! Even when she is causing mischief and acting like a little shit after her mom yells “Milania quit making all that noise the baby is sleeping!” and little Karmania yells WHO CARES! See this is how cute she is right now:
But if mom and dad feed her after midnight THIS is what she will turn into:
Or worst yet THIS!
Melissa whines and complains to Kathy about Teresa being an asshole for minfucking with her with the cookbook and how she told her if she really wanted to be mean she could of included a picture of how Melissa used to look like. Uh? I don’t understand this boollshit here because the bitch looks the same to me except now she has “raccoon eyes” . Five seconds later Melissa tries to convince us she was born with permanent “raccoon eye” makeup on.
Lauren is doing a spell to get married and wears a huge fake ring to make it happen. (No seriously this is a SPELL don’t ask me how I know that!) and also says that if she looks like shit on the outside she will feel like shit on the inside. And tonight she feels like a bag of crazy in the inside because she is looking pretty crazy on the outside. Specially when she pulls out her magic beads and chants incantations on her fake wedding ring. Meanwhile Vito is getting the chills. Caroline notices Lauren is acting crazy and calls her a fat ass. That’s messed up, but she had no choice since she had to stop the girl from acting crazy “Not at my New Years party!” she mumbles.
And now the New Years BrownStoner bash. The God Mother slicked her hair back hit-man style and her son’s are wondering whose ass she is gonna be busting a cap into. Teresa is wearing a hot Queen of The Dammed style of dress. Upon arriving Caroline drops the shit bomb on her and tells her that she has invited the Wikipedias. Teresa wants to cut a bitch, but decides instead she will give her cousin the “bitch you don’t exist” treatment.
While at the party a lot of fun shit happened. First Kathy’s husband (the one that looks like that one actor!) and Barney Devito are already plastered off their ass and having some weird ass love-hate back and forth banter drunken yelling contest going on where they are calling each other a lot of different love names like “cocksucker”, “dickwad” and “ball licking dog lover” and “come here suck my cock” and “let me stick my cock in your mouth”. I don’t know to me it sounds like maybe they’re trying to cornhole each other and acting all thughish like this is a way to cover up their inevitable upcoming closet jail gaynes that will be necessary should they ever become cell mates. I’m just saying.
Teresa says that Richie is usually a dick. However, hearing the lovely names he is calling Barney Devito tonight shows his ”charming” side and she is shocked by that.
Moving right along Kathie’s daughter Victoria gets approached by some older guy and her dad damn near kicks his ass. Victoria was laughing the entire time! Stupid Ass-holey tries to get served alcohol at the bar where Christopher is bar-tending, but she gets refused the booze. Dumb ass! Hasn’t she learned anything! You steal the hooch from your parents and hide it in a flask in your purse! DUMB ASS! Kids these days, don’t even know how to be sneaky with shit like this!
Teresa Jr. I mean Melissa decides to end the last hours of the old year with bitching and complaining about how Teresa acts like an asshole and everyone is too drunk to pay attention. Teresa doesn’t give a shit that things are looking good with her family and says they are only being nice because it’s new year. Then, Melissa calls her a fake ass bitch. Teresa says that Kathy is Mel’s blood or some crazy shit like that. These people really love to keep their grudges.
Suddenly and because this wasn’t somehow scripted and weaved into the episode Melissa suggest that they all go on a family vacation and Teresa (who is eleven million dollars in debt) plays hard to get until suddenly she gives in. Teresa has also carried out her plan of treating Kathy like she is an annoying gnat she has to shoo away with dismissive bitchy attitudes, so she manages to avoid saying happy new year in a proper manner like a human being and achieves making Kathy feel like an awkward asshole.
Teresa also ignores all of The Godmothers good advice on putting the past behind and moving forward plus understanding that all families have these same problems. Teresa just ignores it when Caroline speaks to her is like she is talking to a cement wall that it doesn’t even go in one ear and out the other NO! It doesn’t even go in AT ALL with Teresa the woman only listens to whatever the fuck crazy resentments she is mumbling about Kathy and the wedding she didn’t let her be in, a hundred years ago and blah, blah, blah.
When the clock strikes midnight the cousins Antonia and Milania hug each other. Damn munchkins that was the cutest fucking thing EVA! Sadly Teresa and Barney Devito are ringing in the new year by talking fighting words towards their relatives and an new year with the same assholes begins.
Teresa continues guilt tripping her brother Psycho Joe into staying to celebrate the Christmases with the Giudice’s, but Joe insists on packing up the little ones and taking off to Kathy and Rick’s house (I don’t know maybe Rick has the good coke over there?). The kids wanted to clearly stay and play with their cousins, but unfortunately the adults can’t play nice so the little ones have to suffer. And when you’re a kid something like playing with your cousins is very important shit and can fuck up your agenda if you miss a play date.
Grandpa Gorga also lays the guilt trip on Mel and tells her that he came by her house three times recently and no one was home. Mel tells him that’s not her problem and to call her ahead of time next time he wants to be a pain in the ass like that. Grandpa Gorga says he doesn’t use the telephone because he prefers the ”I want to be an annoying old prick method” and dinosaurs it to the her house unannounced whenever he feels like it, without any consideration of the time of day it is because he no longer has any concept of time, and even if he did he doesn’t give a shit if the younger people have things to smoke or people to fuck with. Yeeah, y’a ll believe Melissa’s bullshit story that she wasn’t home? Because y’all know she WAS! She just didn’t open the door! She was probably tip-toeing making sure she did not make any noise because her butch friend Rosie was over trimming her hedges and they were both sneaking around to prevent old man Gorga from hearing them and that concert they were playing.
Little Gia goes cute monkey on her favorite uncle and hangs on him in the hopes he will stay, but sadly that doesn’t work either. Teresa immediately blames her cousin Kathy and goes on and on a long rampage about Kathy being the devil and worse that Hitler for stealing her brother and sister-in-law and using potions in her desserts to control their thoughts, which is why Joe and Mel refuse to stay. Later on Kathy says she’s cool with Mel and Joe staying with Tree so Teresa ends up looking like an asshole ’cause she is, and it wasn’t even Kathy’s decision for Mel and Joe to kick it with her. It was Psycho Joe’s decision he is the one that decided he wants to run out of Tree’s house like the bitch has head lice and is going to infect him and his family with it. Teresa also thinks that Kathy is trying to steal her cooking thunder with her potions of course.
Caroline is on her four-day cooking marathon, (did she really just sniffed her armpit?) hasn’t showered or shaved her face for a whole week, is now sporting a ZZ Top beard and stinks like Bigfoot’s asshole, and if you have a problem with it TOO BAD BITCHES! So NOBODY better complain about having a red beard hair in their mashed potater. Better eat around it! The oldest member of the Manzo clan has a senior moment and stands up to give a speech about respect that gets drowned out by the loud noise of the whole drunken Manzo clan talking and nobody listening. Chris is on his phone, Caroline is picking her ass and Ashley is picking her nose nobody cares and there’s a food fight going on. I don’t see Dina anywhere. Jacqueline is trying to convince her little son CJ that Santa Claus is outside riding his Santa mobile. Chris runs out to make noise with some cheap bells but CJ is not buying it and tells his momma not to bullshit a bullshiter because this shit could of worked with Ashley, but not with him.
Over at the Wikipedia’s house Chankla Face was invited! She was the centerpiece of that party and is naked laying on a platter. She looks good like she gained some weight, leaving Russell must of done wonders not just does she look more healthy her skin looks the smoothes it has in ages. I am very impressed!
Caroline is debating if she should invite Mel and Psycho Joey to her New Years bash at the BrownStoner, but looks like Christopher beat her to it because everyone loves fun Mel and Psycho Joe plus who knows Psycho ass may just wear a tu-tu for this party and give them a free drag show. AWESOME!
The Godmother also decides that she wants to invite Kathy and Richard to the pachanga. Jacqueline gets all worried, but you can’t tell because that bitch is so full of botox she doesn’t even have facial expressions anymore she tells Caroline that Teresa is not going to like the Wikipedias at the party and she may go caveman on their ass. The God Mother tells Jacqueline FUCK TERESA THIS AIN’T HER PARTY!! And Jacqueline backs off and shuts the fuck up, but you still can’t tell if she is mad, sad, scared or what since her face remains frozen. Jacqueline’s husband tells her to stay out of the dramz and Jacqueline is fuming pissed, but again we can’t tell the difference. Meanwhile, in the other part of town Kathy is waiting by the phone chanting into her candles, wearing horns, with a cigar in her mouth doing incantations that the God Mother will invite her to the New Years Bash.
Caroline gives her children their fugly ass bracelets and they all start crying yelling THIS IS IT? THIS IS ALL WE GOT FOR CHRISTMAS?!! WE GOT JIPPED!!! Chris demands his BB gun and Caroline tells him he’s gonna shoot his eye out.
Moving right along we go to Jacqueline’s house where the children are opening box after box of presents. Looks like a fucking warehouse up in that bitch. We also learn that Assho-ley did NOT buy her parents any presents because you know, she had to buy crap for her new car (that her step-daddy bought her and momma paid for it with numerous blow jobs and teetie-fucks) and so WHATEVER! Poor Assho-ley, didn’t even have the time to maybe slap together a freaking picture or a Christmas card with some paper clips and dried macaroni or cat litter or some shit she found around the house that her parents pay for? (And you know what sucks next episode we all learned she has artistic abilities and she could of at least drawn her mom a dad a picture or a Christmas card what an ungrateful ass!)
Over at Melissa’s they are keeping up with the warehouse theme as well as working on their own future bankruptcy, their kids are surrounded by large boxes of gift after gift. Melissa gets some expensive ass gifts including a Rolex watch and some five hundred dollar stripper stilettos that her daughter helped pick out. Great her kid is learning early. Psycho Joe also reveals he has completed Melissa’s prison dungeon recording studio, where he will keep her ‘locked in”. After all the gifting, Psycho Joe asks Mel if she can put on her football helmet and gear so he can call her Steve; while he tries on her stilettos and cheer-leading skirt and she answers NOT TONIGHT IS JESUS’ BIRTHDAY!! Melissa is going to eventually have to give that horny ape at least a hand job she is going to run out of excuses soon and he did get her all those expensive gifts. Pobrecito he can NOT even get a finger up his corn-hole from Melissa and it’s Christmas.
At Teresa’s house Barney Devito is in a drunken comma and has a big hangover. He refuses to get out of bed to see the girls opening their presents. Teresa tells her daughters that no one is opening up presents until their father gets up and tells them to go wake up their groggy dad whom after some under his breath curse words and some farts rolls out of bed and plops on the couch, all out of it and shit, while holding the camera to film the wall. Don’t worry Barney the Bravo cameras are there they will get the footage. I don’t understand why the fuck she sends those poor girls to wake up their dad with his hangover like that? If she was smart she would put the bong under his nose and his ass would of jumped right out of bed.
Teresa’s children also get ass loads of Christmas gifts including drum-sets and toy cars. I see why Barney Devito is tired he must of gotten up early to swipe those gifts from Psycho Joe’s house while Psycho Joe’s children were distracted having breakfast. Teresa got some gloves and a fugly ass fur coat but NO DIAMONDS! Barney Devito wasn’t thin enough to crawl through the duct vents of the local jewelry store and borrow some diamonds for Tree this year so she got fucked out of diamonds. Sorry Tree!
Over at the Wikipedia’s Kathy bought her husband a wedding band because he keeps losing them down stripper’s g-strings and then those bitches think it’s a tip, plus he gets hit on more by the strippers when they see he is wearing his wedding band because they want that extra tip. So Kathy decided to get her husband a new wedding band and will be securing it to his finger with some industrial level cement glue.
Because the Wikipedia children want to sneak off to party later, they got their mom a laptop and a cute Christmas speech and their parents got them a ‘do what I say and not what I did’ contract which will later be broken when they both sneak out to party and cause havoc. Those kids are smart, I bet they get away with more shit than Ass-holey who doesn’t understand the politics of playing your cards right when it comes to taming your parents.
Albert and Caroline are missing their kids during Christmas because they are no longer little and cuddly. Albert is driving and heads towards the same underpass at the freeway, were he proposed to Caroline years ago. This is also the same underpass where some of Albert’s associates who didn’t shut the fuck up, are now resting and The Godfather is there to make sure the wild dogs didn’t dig anybody up he doesn’t want to see. Then Caroline asks him why they are driving at the same spot he proposed to her at. And Albert thinks to him self OH SHIT! So he all of the sudden nervously says to play it off, OH YEAH!! I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE THIS TIME I AM DOING IT IN ONE KNEEE NOT LIKE THE CRAPPY LAST TIME WITH NO KNEE AND IT DIDN’T COUNT!
Gia is throwing up her guts,and Teresa yells “ARE YOU IN THE TOILET!” . Barney Devito is sitting there laughing his ass off because I bet this is Gia’s first hangover since she had her first beer with her pops and now she’s a man. After Gia throws up, her mom asks her to pose for a picture with a fresh pukey face.
The Manzo’s attend a concert where Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley’s daughter Alexa is performing and supposedly Albie is dating this girl and Caroline is desperate to arrange a marriage between the two (maybe she should employ Kathy to make her a love potion). The Godmother and Albie want to make sure that Christopher doesn’t embarrass them in front of Alexa with his Mad Cajun voice. The Godmother says that her baby Albie was raised at the same level of snootiness as princes Billy Joel. I didn’t know caterings business bastards make as much as some big time artist. Ok people Caroline just told us that we are all idiots and are in the wrong business. Except for those of you who launder catering. Alexa makes a joke about being older than Albie and Albie answers by calling her an old lady and making an ass of himself. Albie didn’t need any help from Christopher making an ass of himself he seems to be able to do that all on his own. Alexa’s mom Christie avoids that crowd and decides to bail before Caroline calls her over and it becomes awkward. Caroline keeps looking over her shoulder with hopeful puppy dog eyes hoping for Christie Brinkley to come by and say ‘hi’ and sits there dreaming of Alexa becoming her future daughter in-law and it’s never going to happen. Sad.
After Monica Chacon was thrown out of Melissa and Psycho Joe’s house; she stood outside waiting for Kim G, who said ‘goodbye and sucks to be you’ to Monica and made that bitch walk home in her stilettos, in the dark, with no ride. What a great friend she is, stays at the party her side-bitch just got kicked out from HOW NICE!. Kim felt it was better to stay because someone has to start shit and run her mouth and this is exactly what this hag did. How long is her Bravo audition going to go on for?
Teresa is happy and grateful that Melissa threw that skank out and decides to dance with her sister-in-law and Psycho Joe decides to get sandwiched in between the Nalgas of all his sisters-in-law plus some random transvestite bitches in there, so that he can corral them for the orgy he is having later where he will be wearing his best nightie with his high heel slippers.
Teresa tells Melissa that if they stick together they are unstoppable (yeah imagine all the fraud and scams they can commit?) and Kim G yells “for now!”. Suddenly Teresa hears this bitches sewer-banshee screeches and realizes Kim G is still in the house smirking like an asshole licking her shit stirring spoon and mocking Teresa because even though the lawyer skank got booted out Kim didn’t, so Kim makes sure she rubs it in Teresa’s face that she is still there. Teresa asks her bro and sil WTF? They tell her to chill because Kim is just a harmless senior citizen, but Tree knows better and tells them that Kim is a snake who will start all kinds of mad dog shit, but Psycho Joe and Mel decide to ignore that. Did they not watch the last season? Melissa says Teresa hates Kim G because they’re a lot alike so they are secretly sisters. Really? Are you sure you’re all not triplets from different decades?
And of course this time Teresa was right, Kim G is running a trail of diarrhea spewage about Melissa kicking Monica out to anyone that will listen and it appears Kathy and a circle of women are giving her audience, but all she gets is a bunch of dirty looks and frowns. Not too happy Lauren tells that bitch to quit stirring the witch brew because she is pathetic. The God Mother is keeping an eye on this lunatic like a watchdog and gets on her bitch slapping mode walks up to Kim Granny-Tell gets in that bitche’s face wagging her finger, to tell that bitch off and put her in her place. The God Mother tells that bitch to have respect for their son’s friendship and Kim G keeps smirking like the bitch she is, until she is told to get the fuck out by Christopher who is trying to stop the two grandma’s from going at it, so he gets in between them. Kim G’s bodyguard (who is like 70, 80?) stands there staring while gnats are flying around his face and Kim G yells SEEK SEEK!! But that doesn’t work on her elderly body guard (whom she picked up at the old-people-home she finds her free dates at) then his ass gets yelled at by The God Father (who is also ready to throw down) and tells him to FUCK OFF!
Chris tries to be cool about the whole deal and decides he is not going to let this shit-storm get more stormy so he talks to Kim Granny-Tell (like an adult which obviously SHE is NOT!) and tries to patch things up by kindly walking her outside. While he is outside chatting with Kim G Teresa and Barney Devito are waiting for the valet to bring their car and end up watching the whole spectacle realizing Kim G is getting kicked out of the party. Tree is glad she isn’t in this mess and tells her hubby she is going to ride his vibrator wearing sausage cock all night long while Kim G plays with her toys. EEEEWWWW!!! Thanks Tree now I need to wash my brain with acid to get rid of that image.
The God Mother freaks out because she doesn’t want her baby Christopher outside trying to reason with the Devil so she sends her “Golden Boy” to fetch him and finish taking out the “Gaw-bage”. Of course she is walking right behind Albie to make sure that old bitch leaves, The God Father is right behind her in case he has to send his thugs out to throw the security guard in the trash whom I’m sure took refuge in hiding under the car by now. Ashley is also right behind HOPING that she will have to go rip some old lady weave, but her mom drags her back in. The God Father calls Kim a “clown” and Ashley responds “just like Danielle!”.
Christopher seems to be handling the situation pretty well when Albie comes fling out like he’s ready to box Kim G and he commands Christopher to come back in. Like a little boy that got grounded and can’t play outside anymore, Christopher comes back inside and when Kim G tries to come back in Albie barks at her, BITCH YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, I’M SECURITY, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, and Kim G asks him when did you become security? But Albie has a reply for everything and says SINCE LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO BITCH! LEAVE! And surprisingly she left! Teresa yells “ding dong the witch is dead!”.
Melissa thinks it’s strange that the Manzo’s were kicking someone out of her party. If it had been any other people she would of being pissed, BUT since this is the Manzo’s she is going to shut the fuck up and NOT bitch, but instead just tell her boys to take notes and do the same for mama when their ass is grown up. Well yeah! When her son’s are like twenty, she is still gonna be feeding them in the mouth with the apron strings attached, so them barking at bitches that start shit with their mama is expected.
After the fiasco the Manzo’s are all sitting around while Christopher expects a call from Johnny, Kim G’s son. Christopher is pissed off that he was handling the situation well, but his familia had to get all ugly and kick Kim G out and all this shit while he was trying to be respectful to his friend’s mother, despite the fact she is a crazy ass bitch. I feel bad for Christopher! The older Chris jumps in to give his opinion on Kim G and says that the bitch needs to be smacked and “all bets are off!” IT’S WAR! The phone rings and is Johnny on the other line they talk things out and all is well. I’m sure Kim G’s son knows how crazy his mom is no one has to explain it to him, that’s why he ran far away to college like he did to get away from her. However, that crazy bitch Kim G went to Rumorfix.com where she claims the cameras didn’t get the full drama she says that Albie shoved her and her son and Christopher got into a fight as a result of this shit and she seems to have an air of satisfaction that she ruined their friendship. Is this bitch mentally ill or just plain evil?
When the party is over and everyone leaves Psycho Joe has to show his respect to the God Father by kissing his ring (he better remember to ask him a favor on Lauren’s wedding day) then he thanks him for taking the “Gaw-bage” out of his house.
Melissa says the party was a success, even though they spend 50k on the party it was all for charity and worth it they were able to collect eight used toys amounting to less than ten dollars and some of them weren’t even toys, they were just things people found around the house and wrapped up. There’s going to be a cancer child opening up a can of Cheese Wiz on Christmas day.
Kathy is having her own Christmas party and her mom is there helping her prepare food and in familias Italianas the women go on a cooking marathon during Christmas eve while they talk shit about everybody and they don’t stop until they’re done. Kathy’s mom tells the story about how a hundred years ago her husband sold his business to her brother and he never finished paying so she didn’t speak to the brother for like another 70 years and one day she ran into him at the fish market and started crying because she was regretful. Sounds like keeping score has been around in this family for decades and now it has just mutated into a big circus that’s getting aired out on national TV. Their entertaining fights and brawls are no longer limited to the neighbors eyes, now the whole country can watch! AWESOME!
Caroline is giving advice on her radio show and people are calling in while she tells them to quit being pussies. Her brother Chris calls totally unexpected and unscripted by Bravo and asks advice on dealing with Assho-ley. And she tells him to put the smack down. No just kidding she tells him something stupid like he is doing a good job or some shit. I heard that right now Assho-ley is living in Texas with her other family because she got tarred, feathered and chased out of town by the Jersey folk.
I didn’t know Caroline’s brother is in town. Uh oh!! Is that Caroline?! Sorry! Caroline is cooking up a storm of her own, including her dad’s special ghetto I’m broke bitch sauce that he came up with when he was home-bound baked off his ass and broke. AHHH the recipes stoners come up with are the best!
Teresa’s daughters are all dolled up in the beautiful flower girl dresses she picked up cheap at the yard sale from My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding. The dress itself weights twice each little girl’s body weight and this weights them down if any of them think of running away. I’m looking at you Audriana!
The Gorga’s show up (Melissa had to drag Joe and bribe him with sex because he didn’t want to be there) and Melissa’s daughter is also sporting her own fifty pound dress. Fake Santa Claus show up and the girls are not fooled since they know it’s their grandma. Kids are so smart these days, with the Internet an’ all.
And speaking of Gypsy weddings and teenage brides Gia got a ring from a boy she doesn’t like, but she will take his rings and gifts. Barney Devito gets the shotgun ready as he and grandpa Gorga plan on negotiating an old fashioned shotgun Catskills wedding with a dowry for little Gia.
Uncle Psycho Joe comes over to tease Gia and tells her he is going to beat up her boyfriend and drunken Barney Devito gets all kinds of pissed because he believes Psycho Joe is ruining his evil genius plan of this marriage arraignment he is trying to coordinate in marrying Gia off to a rich family and get out of debt. So he decides to sit at the dinning table and trash talk Psycho Joe by calling him and his family “fucking animals” and calls Melissa “Raccoon face” and a “witch”. Yeah, this is really going to help things along with the Gorga/Giudice family feud.
Teresa and Melissa argue over whose outfit looks more like a two-dollar corner-whore. And Teresa tries to say she is embarrassed for Melissa showing her plastic cleavage (on Jesus’ 89th b-day) but Teresa is showing half butt-cheek. Turd meet the runs. Both of you are dressed like you have the SAME pimp! So shut the fuck up already!
Psycho Joe and Melissa do not stay for dinner, but instead head out to Kathy Wikipedia and her husband’s leaving a pissed off Teresa who had a place set for her brother and family the kids are pissed that they didn’t get to stay and play with their cousins. Poor kids! Right now they are too young to understand the so-called grown-ups immaturity!
