On the last episode of RHOA all the skanks piled up on a 7 day flight to Africa except for Kim because she was breast feeding and bound to her newborn baby and no husband at home.

However, Bitter Peter has a different opinion as to why Kim missed the trip and says that it’s because of some racist bullshit about Kim not wanting to go because it’s not somewhere in Europe like Italy or some shit, he says that because they were going to Africa Kim decided to skip.

Kim didn’t like Bitter Peter’s smart ass comments and fired back on her Twitter telling Peter to kiss her ass:

“Peter is so ignorant!! Kj was 7 weeks old, I was breastfeeding and Kroy was gone at football camp! Sooo Peter can kiss my ass!!!”

And speaking of Twitter talks apparently Kim and Sweetie are still friends despite the fact that Kim supposedly fired the enslaved Sweetie. Earlier this week Sweetie twitted some shit about energy drinks to get up early and Kim told her to stay away from that shit because last time they got wired on that shit Kim thought she was having a heart attack:

“noooooo those things are dangerous,”

“last time we took that we thought we were having a heart attack!”

Kim also blabbed some shit on her blog about how people warned her NOT to date Kroy Biermman (why?) because he is an NFL player and because he is younger than her?

‘Don’t date Kroy, he’s an NFL player, don’t date him,’

I wonder how many people warned Kroy NOT to date Kim because she is a goldigger who will suck him out of man-juice and money.

Phaedra and her mom hang out at her kitchen and feed little baby Ayden. Phaedra tells her mother how she wishes Apollo would just get on board with the funeral home business so she can finally fulfill her fantasy of becoming the next Adams family Morticia and leave this legacy to little Ayden. Because that’s the only reason why Phaedra would want to leave her lucrative profession as a lawyer for strippers and porn stars and move to 0001 Cemetery Lane and start a funeral home. Apollo doesn’t want anything to do with this creepy funeral business. He may see people he knows there, since his current business involves scenes and situations from Too Fast Too Furious an’ all.

For some reason I thought Cynthia and her husband Bitter Peter were going to some counselors office while they wait at some place because the two of them are biting at each other (and not in a good way) but instead they are going to some dance lessons. Odd place to get into an awkward argument at. Cynthia is all pissed off at Peter for ditching her at that agency opening party she threw because Uncle Ben was too busy hanging out with some girl named Betty Crocker, from the pool party the night before. Bitter Peter tells Cynthia if she don’t like this marriage to get off the train at the next stop.

Cynthia and Bitter Peter keep bickering and airing out their dirty laundry. Suddenly some dance instructor lady comes out to teach them how to move their left feets without each other trying to lead or else they may try to continue killing each other.

Kim is bitching and complaining that baby Kroy pees on all her designer clothes (that Big Poppa more than likely bought as well as her tacky ass furniture) her daughter Kim Jr Brielle  is mouthy and doesn’t want to help her put away the Versace china (that Big Poppa bought her).

However, little Arianna is helpful and willing to make her momma happy because she knows who to suck up to so she can get Kim’s golddiging money when Kim dies that Kim earned while on her back or all fours. That little girl is smart. Brielle is acting out because she wants to test her mom and Kroy.

I feel sorry for Kroy because now he has to play dad to a spoiled kid that he hasn’t known for that long and the worst part is he jumped in this dad business right when Brielle got the teenage horns that come out of their skull when they turn 14, after the horns come out the head starts spinning and they start talking back so you need special holy water to handle that shit. Poor Kroy God be with him.

Kandi  and Lil Ronnie head to Tennessee to work on writing some country songs with her new country star friend Jo Dee Messina who moves almost all of Kandi’s songs words around to make it sound more country. But Kandi has a country voice when she sings. Kandi is all nervous that Jo Dee doesn’t like her songs, but it all ends up well when they compromise since that chick Jo Dee is pretty cool and laid back. Kandi rubs all of Jo Dee’s country music awards for good luck. Later on Lil Ronnie buys Kandi her first cowgirl hat and some boots. Kandi is now an official cowgirl.

NeNe hangs out with Marlo who is confronting NeNe about making the fugly double ass monster with Charles Grant. NeNe denies it and says she only had a drink with Charles (maybe they did bump fuglies but the two fools where so drunk they don’t remember what happened?)

NeNe says that Charles never ever saw her “Hello Kitty” and Marlo tells NeNe that the rumor of her and Charles better not come back true because Marlo is an ex-con who’s been arrested 7 times and did time for beating up a girl. NeNe’s eyes bulge out with fear and so instead of fighting with Marlo she decides to invite her to go shopping with her. Later on the two Amazonian hot messes go shopping together and they bond. I think NeNe is keeping this dangerous ex-con on her good side.

Sheree shows up at Kim’s rented mansion with yoga mats and healthy vegetable snacks. Kim whose idea of keeping her chunky ass slim is going to the doctors office to have the cottage cheese fat removed from her tights via vacuum suction system, is not happy with the idea of having to do planks on the floor on a mat because that takes effort (with an “A”) that her princess fat ass doesn’t want to have to put out because she has to conserve that energy to have Kroy plank her on the floor instead.

What Kim doesn’t understand and Sheree was trying to explain to her beast ass (the same way Phaedra tried to explain the law to Sheree previously) is that she is now married to an athlete with a tight ass who is around hot cheerleaders so homegirl needs to keep up.

Sheree also drools over Kroy while doing planks in an effort to encourage Kim to exercise. After like two planks because that’s all Kim can handle, Sheree tries to make that bitch some healthy veggie smoothies, but Kim bitches and moans that it tastes like crap even thought she ends up admitting it’s not that bad.

Kim also complains to Sheree about her difficult spoiled teenager Kim Jr whose head’s been spinning like the exorcist while she pukes green stuff on people and poor Kroy is in the middle of this mess trying to be dad. Oh well I am sure Brielle will come out of it and turn like Jacqueline’s Ashley so she’ll be fine! Kroy’s just gonna have to buy her a condo in California when she is 20 to get rid of her.

Later on that day Phaedra and her husband Apollo meet up with Willie Watkins to try and convince Apollo to be part of Phaedra’s fabulous funeral home that Phaedra will make the dead person the star of because she wants “to do funerals worth dying for,” and turn a funeral into fabulous “Events! Not just throw ‘em in the ground. Let’s throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!”. Apollo wanted to puke when he toured the embalming room (I kinda did too I have that same puke gross creeped out of dead people thing this guy has) Phaedra admits that she is into vampires. TOLD YA’ SHE IS GOTH!

Apollo thanks Willie Wonka I mean Watkins for the tour and after Willie and Phaedra share a few more creepy laughs together Apollo and Phaedra leave and Apollo says he will think about it. Meaning HELL TO THE NOOOO!!!

NeNe shows up at some chi-chi fund raiser Marlo invited her to, for some Captain Planet save the whales or something or the other thing. Anyway, NeNe meets another Viking Amazon like herself who is trying to peddle NeNe the earrings she designed inspired after the “Italian” (really NeNe?) Dalai Lama. Did y’all see “Miss Tall’s” mortified face when NeNe thought the “The spiritual leader of Tibet” was some Italian hippie dude or some shit?  And Marlo didn’t catch on to that! HA HA HA HA!!

After Elizabeth Dewberry realized the intellectual “chameleon” genius she was dealing with (that wasn’t going to buy any of the super expensive, high class, yard sale items available that day) she jumped out of the scene hoping to NOT be filmed anymore. If you’re gonna be a “Chameleon” learn some basic culture about the type of stuff these rich ass donation peddler fucktards are babbling about. Watch History Channel or something. PAY ATTENTION PLEAZZZEEE!!!!

Later on , Apollo shows up at Phaedra’s office with a bouquet of flowers and tells her he wants to discuss going into the funeral business with her. Phaedra finds a way to convince Apollo to be sucked into Phaedra’s necrophiliac vampire fantasies by appointing him the hottie that will be comforting young hot girls in mourning. Phaedra’s a freak! HA HA HA!! She will pimp her husband out she don’t give a shit, I like that bitch. With that offer Apollo decides quickly that he will be going into the funeral business with her after all. But, he is not touching no dead bodies! Somehow Phaedra found a way to make him part of her goth adventures. But failed to make him agree to touch the dead people. Looks like Phaedra has more work to do!

Next Cynthia and Uncle Ben go to real counseling (as foreshadowed earlier when they went to the dance lessons.) Bitter Peter appears to be trying to be a good husband and hear when he is wrong. Except when Cynthia yells at him to write shit down because he has old timer’s disease and can’t remember shit with his “dinosaur” brain. In the end Bitter Peter tells Cynthia he loves her and they kiss and make up. Until next fight.

On a recent interview by Sheree Whitfield she dishes on her dating dilemmas, apparently every single straight male in the ATL has boycotted  dating  Sheree and I’m sure her bitchy demanding demeanor had nothing to do with it. She says she has to pick up guys that perhaps live under a rock and have no televison while she is on the road  “And of course, there’s no dates in Atlanta so I have to get it in when I travel,” Sheree hasn’t found a good wallet to fuck on so far, “I haven’t found anybody special, but I do try to, you know, meet different people.”

Sheree was currently spotted with Kermit Quinn from Blackstreet and dating rumors started swirling, but Sheree shuts down those rumors and says Kermit is just a “good friend.” She also complains about how she “can’t even be seen with guys!” because the media is always assuming she is dating a guy just because she was seen with him. Also Sheree admits she has a “celebrity crush” on Kobe Bryant and in her sad little head believes he is a “great guy.”

Sheree would also like to be stranded on a desert island with her two “funny as hell” ho’ stars Kim Zolciak (so she can pull her wig when she gets island fever) and Phaedra Parks because she has a  “good head on her shoulders” and also Sheree can bitch her out about being useless (just like she criticised her lawyering skills) and not building her a mansion from sticks and twigs while they’re all playing Gilligan’s Island.

Also she is apparently bringing back from the dead her clothing line that bombed “She by Sheree got very, very expensive and I put a lot of my money into it. It is my passion, I love fashion,” and will reincarnate it as a fitness line with DVD’s to go with it. “I’m actually in talks with a couple different people on bringing it back as a fitness apparel line. She by Sheree fitness with a DVD, kinda moving into the whole health and fitness arena.”

Delusional Sheree complains when she goes on  the few pity-dates with the couple of men she paid and all they want to do is talk about the show, since she is such a big starlet an’ all. “Guys, when we go on a date – I don’t wanna talk about the show the entire date. I don’t wanna talk about those girls!” She adds “If you’re trying to date me, court me,” and she also hints that on the show she is playing some kind of a bitchier version of her fake self, “Let me know that you’re interested in me, not the girl you see on the show.”

And you know how Peter and NeNe seem to have such a cozy friendship on the show? Well according to rumors by Meditatakeout those two clowns used to bump fuglies and Cynthia has no idea ala Alexis Bellino. No one knows if this happened prior or during NeNe’s marriage to Gregg.

From Mediatakeout:

The insider, who is a former COLLEAGUE of Peter’s tells us that a few years ago Peter and NeNe used to DATE!! The insider explained, “This was BEFORE he met Cynthia. Peter was a ladies man and dated a lot of women, NeNe was one of many . . . it wasn’t serious.”

And it gets better, the insider claims that Cynthia HAS NO IDEA that Peter and NeNe have a history. The insider added, “Peter is not one of those KISS AND TELL guys, I’m sure he never told Cynthia.”

The first thing we see is Sheree berating Phaedra about how shitty the hearing went. Phaedra disagrees with Sheree and believes the hearing went well. Phaedra again tries to explain to Sheree how these law things work, but Sheree is having none of it. Because she doesn’t understand shit she decides it’s better to just blame Phaedra and bad mouth her to half the town.

Sheree insist that Phaedra was outsmarted by a dumb ass then, they start arguing over the retainer and all the hoops Phaedra’s assistant had to jump through to get that check (not to mention the kickboxing match he had to endure with She-Man.)

After bickering over the retainer Phaedra decides she’s had enough of Sheree’s ridiculousness and fires her as a client. It was done quick, clean, sniper stile; not all crazy, screaming circus style like the house skanks usually do it in situations like these. Which is surprising. Sheree is relieved because she didn’t know how the fuck she was going to fire that bitch and she is happy she gets her five thousand dollar retainer check back . When Phaedra hands over the check it bounces out the window and Sheree chases after it.

At Kim’s house she is getting ready to move to her new Barbie Dream McMansion. Kim hires Kendra who is an interior designer to clean up an paint the new house. Kim wants Kendra to complete everything in one week . Poor Kendra! Not only does she have to clean up and paint, but she also has to kick out the hobos and crackheads that were squatting at that mansion rent free. “Good luck bitch!”

Cynthia is still on her quest to bring New York to Atlanta. So, she decides to hold some artsy fartsy party for a friend. Sheree is wearing some fabulous Liberace fucked Frankenstein Horse Shoes clad in rhinestones, and I bet these fugly ass shoes costs her like nine thousand dollars I see why Bob is reluctant to handing her over any more money.

Cynthia is stoked that Marlo Hampton, the town’s number one successful golddigger (Kim apparently is number two now) is attending this classy pachanga.

Kandi continues on pestering Marlo about how she got her money. Marlo insist that she got her money from some divine deity and this is the reason she wears no panties and lets it all air out. Kandi knows Marlo doesn’t blow money, but she also knows that Marlo blows to get money. So who is she blowing? That’s what Kandi wants to know.

We are then taken to the underbelly of the ghetto and we hear gunshots, police sirens and ambulances in the background to let us know we have arrived at the location of Bar None . Inside we find Cynthia getting primped up for a photo shoot for some bullshit “power couple” thing they’re trying to sell us, that her and Bitter Peter are going to be featured in.

Cynthia lets Peter know that her invitations for Bar None are being send out at last minute before a holiday weekend and Peter mocks  Cynthia for being an airheaded ditz because there is no way the guest can get these on time unless that shit teleports.

Cynthia then, starts whining and asking Peter to send the invitations himself because she is strapped to a chair getting her hair stapled and face pasted on.

Cynthia sits there begging Bitter Peter to help her send out those invitations. Cynthia begs and begs she even offers free blow jobs and threesomes with random trannies, but Bitter Peter’s Viagra hasn’t kicked in, so bribes like that don’t work on him. Then, he laughs at Cynthia,  ignores her, walks away grabs a bucket of soapy water and yells at the bar wench on national Televison because she let some asshole smear his turd tracks on the white couch the night before. During this whole time Cynthia is sitting there yelling some shit about them being a team. Uncle Ben just ignores Cynthia and yells WHATEVER!! and scrubs the diarrhea jizz off the couch. Then he says that stupid Cynthia needs to fall on her bony ass because he has failed ninety-nine times and counting and this time he is  taking that flaky bitch with him.

NeNe clowns on Cynthia about being a floaty little model living in a dream full of dumb. I wonder if Cynthia used to be Kelly Sasquatch from New York Skank’s roommate and the dumb rubbed off? NeNe says Bitter Peter is the opposite of  Cynthia’s pampered candy-ass and likes to grab life by the balls. I wonder if she speaks from personal experience and maybe Peter grabs NeNe by the balls when they sneak off behind Cynthia’s back?

Kim, Kroy and the kids are moving in to their new rented McMansion. Kim yells at the movers and tells them they are a bunch of idiots and the movers respond by breaking her rent-to-own furniture. It’s a beautiful “clusterfuck”. Kim then reminisces on her town-home and all the random one night standers that passed throught the revolving doors that lead to the Kim-wall of shame. Even Moose NeNe signed the wall of shame.  How shameful!

Twenty two year old Bryson is cleaning up his mama NeNe’s house who is berating him for being a male slut who is wasting his youth away and needs to get his shit togueter before he has 100 kids running around and a harem of baby mamas.

Nene says that Bryson is old enough to have sex, (he does that) drink liquor, (he does that) and smoke weed (I know FOR SURE he does that!) Then, she reminds her son repeatedly to use condoms; Bryson can’t take it and is driving him nuts so he runs out of the house and avoids cleaning it.

Kandi’s manager Don Juan berates Kandi for helping talentless minute-friends who are just using her for her kindness and studio (coug, coug, Kim) Kandi says she wants to try and write Country music because deep down inside Kandi is a cowgirl.  Then, she calls some friend of hers who is a country pumpkin and they set up a play date for Nashville. When Kandi sings for her friend she sounds VERRRRYYYY COUNTRY!!

Back at Kim’s house she is carefully strapping all 57 of her freaky lice wigs in her car so they can get to her destination safely.

When Kim the girls, and the wigs drive down the highway, Kim decides to pump the silicone out of her boobs to feed baby Kroy while almost crashing into another car after she lets her younger daughter drive.

When Kim and her brood all arrive at the new house Kroy has this nervous WHAT IS THIS COSTING ME? look of dread. I notice in every episode this poor guy looks more and more doubtful and nervous like he is having second, third and fourth thoughts about permanently bumping fuglies with Kim. It’s surprising her still married her!

Cynthia is getting her makeup did, crying and afraid that her opening party will be a disaster and she won’t be seen as a good business “PEEPER” did that bitch just say that? Was she thinking about taking a “peeper” when that slipped out?  Poor Cynthia’s sister is there getting the bitch slap from Cynthia who is taking out her Bitter Peter frustrations  on her.  Then,  she tells her sister to beat it because her presence is upsetting Princess Cynthia who is having a breakdown. I bet this bitch was doing this all her life even when she was little and her mom and sisters spoiled her and put up with her shit because she was “the pretty one”.

When Cynthia and her mom arrive at the agency the place is full of people. Glad to see Bravo jumped in to save the day and hired a handfull of homeless folks, cleaned them up, dressed them like people and offered them five bucks to appear as guest in Cynthia’s party.

Phaedra and her sausage squeeze-hoochie outfit clowns on Cynthia’s modeling agency and says it’s just there to “blow bubbles” up young fat-girls asses before they have to go and get real jobs as dumpster divers and stiff-stuffers. I wonder if this is what happened to Phaedra?

Kim and Kroy arrive and Kim is afraid to see Moose I mean NeNe who may step on her and Kroy with her size 17 shoes. Sheree says that NeNe aint gonna say shit with Kroy there since Kroy is a football player and can take NeNe down. Probably.

When NeNe arrives Kim is about to shit herself. Later on NeNe starts bragging that she too used to be a model. For what? Sasquatch shoes? Kandi is obsessed with finding out where Marlo got her fortune from, and proceeds to grill her again while stalking her at the party. Marlo insist she gets her money from a magic source and stars saying something stupid about being beautiful and blah, blah, blah. Then Marlo calls Kandi a Big Momma. Yeah, Kandi is a Big Momma and she is the one wearing the strap-on too!

Finally, after beating around the hairy bush for a while, the mangy cat comes out of the bag and Marlo admits she used to date rich white sugar Big Poppas that gave her an allowance and this is how she got her money. Kim pretends to get offended that this bitch had wealthy men supporting her and says WHO DOES THAT? Well didn’t you and Marlo worked for the same pimp and shared a Big Poppa or two, maybe three? NeNe points out that everytime Marlo says “BIG POPPA!” it drives Kim CRAAAZEEEYYY. And NeNe Looooveeess it!!!

Kim freaks out because Kroy used to live under a rock without televison or internet with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears, so her Big Poppa secret was pretty safe. But, now that she made the MISTAKE of bringing naive, unsuspecting Kroy to this party her secret is in danger of slipping out and so when shit keeps getting fuglier and the Big Poppas keep being brought up Kim grabs her wig and Kroy and heads for the nearest exit as if the building was on fire before anything else gets said. I wonder if Kroy is going to secretly watch the first few seasons?

Sheree does what Sheree always does and complains that there is no air conditioner working in that building and it smells like fart.

After Kim and Kroy made a run for it. Cynthia makes some announcement and thanks Bitter Peter, but he is nowhere to be found. Phaedra is laughing  at that shit and kissing on Apollo to rub it in Cynthia’s face that her man is there unlike Bitter Peter. For now, at least.  Bitter Peter never appears. Must of snucked off with one of the trannies from the pool party the night before after his Viagra finally kicked in.

Sheree takes her ex-husband Bob Whitfield to court to demand child support because the 113k yearly and the 775k lump sum wasn’t enough for her to pay for her Gucci’s and 20 thousand dollar purses, plus Aston Martins. How does he expect this bitch to live? Get a job? He is flipping out of his mind Sheree can’t do that. Sheree is nervous about going to court with Bob, since she knows the courts have records on the lump sum and other income he has already forked out and she knows the judge may laugh at her ass out of the courtroom AGAIN for wasting their time.

Kandi Koated Nights  is on the air with her crew and has invited Marlo Hampton and Charles Grant as guest of her radio show and to talk about “How To Hook A Baller” as well as to grind Charles about his brief one-night stand with NeNe Leakes. Charles sits there denying everything because he doesn’t want Marlo to smack him upside down his head. Charles thinks all the pathetic ho’s in the ATL put out too soon and carry themselves like “hookers” so they get treated like one. Right after that, he asks Kandi what her favorite position is,  just to see if she answers like a “hooker.” And she does.Then, he talks about how broke-bitches in the land of “pretend” are walking around in their Gucci’s and getting in a Honda Accord.

Kandi starts harassing Marlo about how she affords her expensive life style and Marlo says some shit about being blessed with a white sugar daddy who supports her ass. Kandi starts laughing her ass off out loud because she knows exactly how Marlo got her money. Marlo then tries to be clever and answer Kandi’s question with another question about how Kandi gets her money. Kandi rightfully brags that she is “talented” and by that she means real talented not lay on your back talented, like Marlo is.

Cynthia drags NeNe to shop at some God-forsaken second hand store to purchase dresses and used panties. NeNe says she ain’t putting on no nasty clothes someone else had on their armpits and crotch because the clothes may have crabs. Cynthia doesn’t care if she catches used clothes ass-lice and purchases several dresses and granny panties. Then, she starts asking NeNe if she gave fugly ass Charles some of her Hello Kitty, NeNe DENIES, DENIES, DENIES. Then she yells “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” Cynthia wants a lie detector test.

Kim and Kroy are taking baby Kroy home and Kim is bitching, nagging and complaining at Kroy because her “twat” hurts and he just has a “yes dear” attitude about it. Kim is lucky to find a man that puts up with her crazy. For now.

When they arrive at home, Kim’s little dog Chanel and her daughter Brielle are pissed off that the new baby is taking their spotlight. The baby poops on the bed and Chanel pees on the floor. Brielle was thinking about pooping the floor too. The only helpful mature one was little Ariana, who is excited and willing to help with her new little brother.

Sheree is modeling court clothes for Phaedra. All of her clothes are  expensive  designer labels and showcase her “donkey booty” waaay too much and this turns Freakdra on. Then, an alarm goes off and it keeps repeating real loud SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!! SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!!. Plus Sheree just bought an expensive Porshe and she wishes to drive that to the court-house to piss off the Judge, who doesn’t even make enough to buy a pimp ride like that. Phaedra tries to reasonably explain to that beast this shit she is trying to show off is just going to backfire on her “donkey booty.” But, Sheree is not listening and is willing to show up while clad in Dolce and Hermes bags that cost the same as a “Toyota Corolla”.

Kandi is meeting with a dildo making lady at the crowded Red Beaver restaurant in front of God and everybody, during the busy lunch rush hour. Dildo lady brings a box of dildos she tried herself earlier and everyone in the restaurant is watching. Then, dildo lady tells Kandi to smell the dildo that she used earlier did y’all see that guy looking at them all excited I think he wanted to join them or something.

Kim is at home bitching at everybody to not sneeze on the baby and yells at Sweetie who is playing around trying on Kim’s wigs and not washing them. Brielle gets in trouble with mom over stabbing her little sister with a spork-fork. Then, we find out the school system in Atlanta is purposelly teaching kids to misspell Effort wiht an “A.” Boring, next.

Next, we find out that Sheree was avoiding payment of the five thousand dollar retainer that she owed Phaedra.(I guess her services are not free anymore.) Dind’t Phaedra read the blogs  about this trifling ho not paying her lawyers fees? Phaedra would of taken half of Sheree’s handbag if she couldn’t produce the check.

Phaedras assistant tells Phaedra that she went looking for Sheree at the hair salon where Sheree was getting her weave done. Sheree was sitting there running her mouth gossiping away at the hair dresser about how she was getting her money from that bastard Bob.

When suddenly, Phaedra’s assistant shows up.  Sheree sees her coming the bitch yells OH SHIT!! Jumps off her seat leaving a stunned hair stylist holding a comb and a stapler, who just got abruptly interrupted by a panicked Sheree in the middle of a conversation, and was only done with the left side of her hair.

Sheree then proceeds to run through the back of the hair salon,(one side of her hair done the other side is all matted and nappy) and as she is running from Phaedra’s money collecting ho’ she pushes the chair where some old lady was sitting getting her hair did, in front of Phaedra’s assistant to cause an obstacle. Then she runs through the back of the hair salon in the alley and the bitch is running like a man running from the police all athletic and shit, like in those action movies where there is a hot pursuit, between cop and criminal.

The poor assistant can’t keep up with Sheree in those stilettos she is wearing (because you know she was) and Sheree has an extra advantage of having a third leg plus all that muscular testosterone She-Man was naturally born with doesn’t hurt. Sheree keeps running through people’s back yards, back-alley high walls, that only a man with Sheree’s athletic skills could master like a pro, and Phaedra’s poor money collecting bitch is at a disadvantage and out of breath.

Eventually Phaedra’s other employee got the five thousand dollar retainer check. But it wasn’t easy. The poor bastard had to also go on hot pursuit of Amazon super athlete Sheree all like Dog The Bounty Hunter and shit. Except Sheree made this dude chase her while leaping through buildings. Bitch was like Spiderman, all jumping from one roof to the other while Phaedra’s assistant burly kept up. When he finally caught up with her, he tackled her and they got into a boxing match. Sheree was doing good too! Hitting him like a man and when he would hit back she would taunt him and yell IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??!! PUNK BITCH!!! That bitch is scary! Finally big boy got an advantage when he got her in a Taiwanese-wresting head-lock, and Sheree was forced to give up the check. You see, that’s what happened and why big dude was all dripping buckets of sweat and exhausted.

Kim’s parents are visiting so to see baby Kroy. Then Kroy finds out that Kim’s parents are brother and sister when Kim’s dad asks baby Kroy if he squeezes one boob while sucking on the other. Kroy looks stunned you know he is having the first red flag of doubt (plus there’s more to come!) And he thinks to himself I’M FROM MONTANA AND WE DON’T EVEN DO THIS SHIT!! And you can hear banjos in the background.

And now round one of, Whitfield VS Whitfield. After spending all afternoon, picking out the right outfit and boxing gloves, Sheree and Phaedra show up at court ready to put Bob in prison. Bob however spend the evening researching and filing a petition for contempt stating Sheree looted his house out of furniture and kitchen sinks that didn’t belong to her. That’s why he didn’t have time to iron his shirt and was “looking a mess.”

Master Attorney at Law extraordinaire Phaedra  Parks looks like a deer in the headlights. BLINDSIDED!! And outsmarted by an ex-NFL player. When she walks over to Bob to get his phone number (yeah, doesn’t Sheree have that already?) Bob starts flirting with her and checking out her “donkey booty” just to make Phaedra and Sheree feel more stupid.

Then he jumps out of his seat and runs amuck through the hallways of city hall sticking his tongue out at Sheree and Phaedra like the fat-cat that just ate the twenty pound canary.

Sheree says Bob outsmarted Phaedra because he knows how to read. Not to mention that, he represented himself and showed up looking like a bum.

Sheree blames the fuckup on Phaedra; and Phaedra blames the fuckup on Sheree. I see a future bitch-slapping festival in the horizon for these two ho’s.

NeNe and Cynthia are both raising hell in NYC. Peter is nervous to let Cynthia’s hot-ageless-ass  go to New York alone because he is insecure she may hook up with her ex-boyfriend Russell Simmons, whom she later meets up with and tries to get her into a flirting marathon with his crazy ass after he tells her that Papa Smurf’s white-beard is not sexy.

Cynthia doesn’t have time for the dumb games because she is in New York to discuss business prospects, you know, just in case Bitter Peter-Papa Smurf’s Magic Jelly-Bean Bar don’t work out and she has to grab her kid and do an emergency split from his broke ass. Bitch don’t want to end up in line at the soup kitchen.

Russell tells Cynthia to stop offering free sugar-doughnuts as snacks in the waiting room at the modeling school, in order to keep away the chubby girls who delusionaly think they can be models, and start offering meth on a plate as a snack option instead, to  only lure the seven feet-tall fifty pound girls who CAN be models. Modeling is a though world.

Sheree is with her mom Thelma at that empty lot, Sheree is hoping to turn into a luxury-shack.  Thelma is the one that bought this empty lot with HER money, but Sheree wants to pretend it was her that bought it. We find out that Bob has been using Sheree’s gift cards to feed the kids when they visit him because he refuses to support his own children. I think Sheree needs to take Phaedra’s offer and drag Bob by the balls to court.

Phaedra is in court defending some thug named Dave, that was driving with extra tinting of the widows and a bag of weed. He shows up baked, wearing street clothes and reeking like reefer. Phaedra is pissed that he didn’t follow her instructions on taking a bath and putting on his good pants. The judge lets him slide with a small fine and a don’t-do-this-shit-again-or-else threat because Phaedra’s “donkey booty” knows the judge pretty well. When they all leave the courtroom Dave pays Phaedra with cash and a half blunt. She should of demanded the full bag of weed as payment plus whatever cash he had in his pocket.

NeNe is having a lunch meeting with her new “business partner”  John Kolaj who is smitten by Miss Lenethia Leake’s charms. John is the guy who owns Famous Famiglia Pizza and supposedly has lots of moneys which Miss Lenethia likes even though he is a major DOOORK. I feel sorry for any teenage kids this fool may have because I can just hear them yelling, “NOO DAD NOOO YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!” Because of that awkward-trying-too-hard-to-romance-meeting he had with NeNe were he  went full on Italian on NeNe and even brought some singing dude that came out of retirement because he apparently owed John a favor (meaning Johh was going to bust a cap in his old ass if he didn’t sing.)

Pobretcito, John must have some undiagnosed mental illness if he is falling for Amazon NeNe, but then again he is good to NeNe he showers her with expensive 1000 dollar shoe-gifts, Tiffany pens for the million dollar deals,  dinner and song. I say TAKE IT NENE, THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO BITCH! Those Italian men, always trying to wine-dine and sixty nine a girl and NeNe fell right into it. Nice! I want to see more of their awkward interactions.

Kandi obviously made up with Mama Joyce, who is getting ready for her dating picture on Sexy Seniors.com. Kandi helps her momma out by squeezing her in a Chorizo encasing girdle that is obviously cutting off Mama Joyce’s circulation. After making her mom up to look like a “drag queen” she poses on a hot-rod. Mama Joyce is a hottie!

After a brief cigarette break, Kim is ready to go to the hospital to birth lil’ Kroy Jagger Meister Jr. The nurse asks Kim a bunch of health questions and the bitch has an asshole attitude about it because she is lying through her yellow smoker-teeth to the nurse when she tells her she is a “non-smoker” the nurse wanted to smack the dirty wig off Kim, while she was thinking BITCH, I WATCH THAT SHOW YOU ARE A CHAIN SMOKER! I thought Kim said ”chain smoker” not “non-smoker” when she answered that question. Even Kroy looks confused when he hears this heap of bullshit coming out of Kim’s mouth. The nurse then, asks Kim: ARE YOU WEARING THAT DOG WIG WHILE DELIVERING? And Kim was like YEAAHH, I’M THE KIMSTER.  She even had Sweetie carry her Poodle-hair wig with her. I mean c’mon of course she is going to wear that shit even while pushing that baby out. What did this nurse want for Kim to be bald while delivering? WTF?

All this time Kim was verbally abusing poor Kroy since thanks to him she is in this ordeal now. Poor Kroy was just looking confused and scared Kim kept complaining that he didn’t look nervous even Kim’s daughter Brielle knew he was “dying inside” but Kim wants to be an asshole. That’s alright though, I guess since she is giving birth she has every right to be an asshole and curse her ass off. When little Kroy Jr gets farted out the first things he hears are his mother’s loud cursings. Finally, little Kroy is here to raise hell and everyone is happy including Papi Kroy Sr.

And now the moment of truth! Cynthia meets with a good friend Kithe (who lost a whole person weight-wise) for a drunken evening. Kithe knows Cynthia is not happy with her new life and marriage and he actually gets a drunken Cynthia who is Queen Of Denial to admit her life in Atlanta sucks, she regrets leaving the excitement of “cunty” New York and she hates being married to Bitter Peter! But we all knew that mess already, didn’t we?

According to recent reports Kim Zolciak is set to star in a new Reality TV wreckage that will feature her life with Kroy and the girls ala Bethenny Frankel. As a result of this, Star Magazine is reporting that  NeNe Leakes is throwing a jealousy shit fit and is demanding her own show, “She’s furious that Kim got her own show and she didn’t,” NeNe is livid and says that she is better than these other ho’s on RHOA.“She’s saying she’s too big for RHOA, and Bravo doesn’t pay her enough,” NeNe also believes that the franchise will “crumble” without the Notorious NeNe on-board to rattle the cage. NeNe is pulling a Jill Zarin and bitching that if they don’t cave in to her demands she will walk  “NeNe has told friends if she doesn’t get what she wants, she will quit!” The source added “She thinks she’s Madonna,”

NeNe also went on Watch What Happens Live and demanded a trail of things “She insisted on her own, very expensive make-up artist, a stretch limo, and the presidential suite during her stay,” Of course Miss Bravo laughed at her silly ass.

Miss Andy Cohen states that the Kim Show is not even a permanent deal since he wants to keep Kim on RHOA to keep stirring more shit. He said on a recent interview. “We’re doing this limited series, but I like Kim on the mothership.”

NeNe needs to chill and take a lesson from Jill Zarin from last season.

Cynthia Bailey feels that her sister Malorie needs to mind her own damn business and stay out of Cynthia’s marriage. After all Cynthia is a grown ass woman and if she wants to be with Bitter Peter and continue to supply him with hefty checks to dump into his failed businesses that’s her problem and not Malorie’s. Cynthia wrote on her Bravo blog:

Mal: My sister and I are 11 months apart and are very close. However, we are very different women. Different personalities, goals, dreams, and lives. I love my sister very much, but her interference with my marriage is a problem. I appreciate her concern, but at 44, I think I got this. I have no desire to make choices for Mal regarding her marriage, and I deserve the same respect. I confide in my sister because we are sisters. Not to be judged or criticized. I would never cross the line between her union with her husband unless she asked me to. I have had relationships my whole life, and I live my life the way I want to. I not afraid to win and I’m not afraid to lose. That’s life, and I live it to the fullest. Love you, Mal, but can you leave me and Peter alone?

Also according to Cynthia, she says that the Kimster and Kroy never gave her a wedding gift. Although, Kim insist they gave her broke ass a check full of cash:

Kim: I did NOT receive a wedding gift from Kim. If I got a gift, I would say that I did. I received gifts from Kandi, Phaedra, and NeNe. Why would I lie? To be honest, I never really cared that she didn’t bring a gift, her presence at the wedding was presents enough. The only thing that hurt me was how she insulted me by bringing her own wine and saying that Peter and I wouldn’t make it a year. I never got an apology for that. Well anyway, I apologize for Peter and Apollo bumping heads at her shower. Again, it was not the time or the place. Again, we did not instigate it in the first place. Again, I am happy for Kim and wish her well. I really have no issue with Kim. Now, can we move on about who brought who a present already?

This episode was about wieners.

To make up for her husband’s thug behavior during the Baby Shower that almost went to shit if not for the police, Phaedra comes to visit the Kimster while bearing gifts for the baby. Kims forgives Phaedra’s husband’s behavior, but she can’t help to slam Bitter Peter. Kim says that next time she is leaving the ex-cons and assholes out of the guest list. Sooooo is this mean she is telling Phaedra NOT to bring her ex-con husband next time?  Then the bitches start talking some boring shit about being pregnant and something about labor and Kim can’t wait to hit the hooch when that baby farts out. Phaedra says that labor made her “as crazy as a vampire in sunlight!” Told ya’ she was into that death goth shit.

Cynthia brings her sister Malorie to visit Bitter Peter at Bar One so that she can get into a shouting match with Peter. And a shouting match is exactly what happened.  Cynthia walks away and leaves Peter and Malorie to their own devices and they end up getting in each others face over Malorie and her mom keeping Cynthia’s marriage certificate so that the wedding don’t happen. Malorie hates Bitter Peter for good reason, but Bitter Peter unfortunately has a point about family members not butting into other family members marriage choices, but her sister also has a point about worrying that Cynthia married an asshole. So they both have a point.

Kandi is depressed that her ass is turning 35 and is at the party venue with Sheree and Phaedra who are assisting her in the process of her party planning. Phaedra can’t wait to unleash her BIG  surprise on the party goers.

Later on Kandi shops with NeNe and her pocket gay Derek J who happens to be an expert at walking in hooker stilletos . I gotta admit I am jealous of these bitches that can walk in hooker heels, my ass is damn near thirty blah, blah years old and still can’t walk in that shit and to see a drag queen be able to walk in those skank stompers pisses me off. I know, I know I will just cry into my flip flops.

The Kim situation gets brought up and Kandi says she hasn’t been hanging around that pregnant heifer lately since they don’t talk much these days. NeNe says she is not surprised at that outcome since Kim is a user and only wanted a hit song not a friend. Kandi says despite all the bullshit Kim pulls she is still happy for that skanky bitch (like we all are) because Kim finally stopped fucking on that old greasy Big Pooper Scooper and got her self a “young tender”  Uh-hum! NeNe gets jealous and says “that ain’t shit!” Young tender sounds like some sort of lunch special they sell at KFC for 2.99 with a med coke and some fries. I bet NeNe could go for one of those after all her shopping and changing clothes in the store and all that shit she does.

Kandi tells NeNe her ass best behave because She-Man-Sheree and Phaedra will also be attending. NeNe doesn’t like that shit, and says that She-Man doesn’t deserve the friendship of the grand Miss NeNe Leakes who is also “very rich” like a happy bitch.

Kim and her baby daddy Kroy are learning all about circumcision and have some lady expert come and teach them how to care for Kroy Jr and his little winky. Kim has said in the past that she was a nurse for babies in delivery rooms. I guess the bitch was lying since dressing like a nurse in the VIP room at the raunchy strip club is very different from being a nurse at the delivery room of the hospital.

Kim also lies to the nurse when she tells her that she doesn’t know what to do with a penis. REALLY??? I know the bitch is lying SHE KNOWS what to do with a penis. How else do ya’ all think she got rich dudes like Big Pooper and now Kroy supporting her ass it wasn’t because she is gorgeous or because she wears road kill wigs that have a mind of their own it’s because she knows what to do with a penis.

NeNe is visiting with Cynthia and Bitter Peter so that they can open up a bottle of champagne to celebrate their new club opening and talk shit. NeNe doesn’t like it when they pop the bottle so she hides in the corner with her hands in her ear like a fucknut. I can’t believe this crazy huge amazon bitch has the same bullshit fear I have of popping champagne corks. I act like a fucknut like that too. I hate that shit.

Peter is on the phone with some investor (he probably met behind the alley at the liquor store) and he is confrontational about a 40 thousand dollar check this fool wrote him that bounced to the moon. Maybe he should of told Cynthia to hold off opening that champagne. Well, looks like he is gonna have to ask Cynthia for the dough again. Although Bitter Peter,  is on the phone bitching this guy out he has to drop the call for more important things like opening up a bottle of champagne when its too early to do so. So Uncle Ben Bitter Peter hangs up on his so called investor and runs to the patio to guzzle champagne with NeNe and Cynthia. NeNe reveals her and Gregg are in good terms, as a matter of fact so good that they are banging again. How sweet, there is hope these two crazy kids may get back together.

Sheree and Phaedra and their “donkey booties” show up to Sheree’s empty lot which has been sitting there empty for months with no progress. Phaedra intimidates the contractor by putting her donkey ass in his face and blowing a smoke fart up his ass with a bubble blower and no prayer cloth, this way he knows she means business. I didn’t know you can be a religious lady of church like Miss Phaedra Parks and stick your donkey culo in some dudes face like that. Wow I guess they must be more liberal in churches these days the world has certainly improved.

Cynthia puts on her busted Phyllis Diller make up on, and is trying to get her modeling agency set up  with some Kmart furniture she picked up on sale. Her sister Malorie and her husband come over to argue with her some more about Bitter Peter help her. 

Malorie seems to be losing a lot of sleep over Bitter Peter and his schemes to suck money out of Cynthia’s wallet in order to set up failed businesses and so she brings that shit up . Cynthia gets all cheesed up and starts barking at her sister yelling about how her sisters marriage is fucked up too. Malorie’s poor husband is standing in the middle of the two women who are about to scratch each other’s eyes out and he has this “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!!” Look on his face.  After the blowup Cynthia can not even complete the project she started and thanks her sister and husband for nothing then, sends them home.

It’s the day of Kandi’s party, in attendance are Bitter Peter, Cynthia, Sheree, NeNe and Phaedra who left her husband at home so that he wouldn’t get all thug on Papa Smurf. Although  Phaedra left thuggy at home, she made sure she brought her prayer cloth, gun, jumbo size condoms, and a fucking tazer in case she has to ass probe NeNe, should that bitch get out of hand.

A huge box gets rolled in to the venue and Kandi sits down all excited and ask her moma to sit next to her. Little did they know the horrible thing that was about to jump out of that box. El RiDick-Culo blast opens the gift box and jumps out with his wiener in his hand to entertain the horrified guest.  Suddenly, the party turns into a fucking nightmare people’s eyes start bleeding as they are screaming in horror trying to scramble to get away from RiDick-Culo’s monster, hideous penis from hell. That thing looks dangerous. El Infamous RiDick-Culo then clears a path with his loaded fire hose and people are screaming and jumping out the way. He then dances for Kandi and sticks his dick in her drink. Kandi was horrified, but didn’t want to make a fuzz so she just pretends she is enjoying this hideous display of fugly.

El Infamous RiDick-Culo wasn’t even a stripper. That’s the story Phaedra wants us to believe. The Infamous RiDick-Culo was some street wino with a pissing problem, who got arrested one too many times, and Freakdra was appointed to defend him in court for shaking his wiener at random women on the streets and sucking on his own firehose. Then Freakdra who is the biggest perv in Atlanta noticed his unusual donkey dick and decided to hook him up with stripper gigs for her private viewing, as well as for other freaks in the Atlanta sex dungeons since his homeless ass couldn’t pay Phaedra the Freak the money for representing him in court for being a pervert and a weirdo. Phaedra is a pervert genius of smut. Too bad she didn’t use her genius powers to prevent thousands of people from seeing this scary ugly disgusting motherfucker run around with his wiener flapping around in the air. BECAUSE NO ONE NEEDED TO SEE THAT SHIT!! THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THAT!! WHY WHY???!!! MY EYES, MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!! His ass was ugly too.

Stupid Kandi sitting there acting like she is enjoying it. Did you see the bitch throw the dollar bills at him with a look of disgust in her face like she was about to throw up? Like I previously said she just went along with it to not piss off Phaedra and be polite.  NeNe said fuck this shit and took her eyes out of her sockets put them in her purse and drove home blind. Cynthia and Bitter Peter followed her blind ass to the car. I would of done the same thang. This was one of those times when everyone agrees with the NeNe. Kandi’s mother wasn’t too amused and she starts yelling “THAT WAS FUCKED UP!” I agree Kandi’s mother, I agree, that WAS some pretty fucked up shit right there and NO ONE needed to see that mess. I smell class action lawsuit coming towards El Infamous RiDick-Culo on behalf of all the people present at that party and the folks watching on TV. Phaedra is going to be busy.

The episode opens with Sheree at some random construction site that she paid the construction workers 20 bucks and a boobie flash to pretend she owns that property where she tries to sell everyone the lie that she is building her dream home Bullshit By Sheree Chateau By Sheree.

At Phaedra’s she is  bitching her paid boy-toy out, for getting his ass pulled over for supposedly a case of “mistaken Identity”.  Apollo is pissed because he believes Phaedra is going around gossiping about his legal issues, and Phaedra says she will be cutting his allowance if he keeps getting pulled over for being in a clown car with his saggy pants down and embarrassing Lady Phaedra Parks of sophisticated society. Damn Apollo get with the program!

At Cynthia’s house her baby daddy is visiting and of course Papa Smurf is sitting there cooking his Uncle Ben rice with a quart of  sour attitude. Peter is not too happy that Cynthia’s old flame is over to check on his offspring and Leon gives Uncle Ben advice on how to deal with Cynthia’s family of course Peter is jolted that Leon has the nerve to give his old ass advice because old ass dogs set in their ways like Uncle Ben here, are not open EVER to taking  advice from his wife’s younger nicer MORE HANDSOME ex that obviously Papa Smurf is jealous of.

Besides Papa Smurf has been stupid and a failure this long and has never bothered taken any useful advice from ANYONE (look at his track record of failed businesses) so he is not about to start taking advice now because unconsciously angry Papa Smurf is only happy when he is a loser and looks like a fool. You can tell Papa Smurf wanted to smurf Leon with a sharp knife who was only trying to give him major advice. And since he is constantly hating on everything and everyone,  talking to him is like talking to a beast so Leon should just give up.

For a so-called picky run away bride Cynthia sure did a major fuck up by choosing Peter. Why would she pick that sour, aggressive Viagra-needing Troll and not hold on to that charming easy-going Leon? The more I see Peter’s attitude the more I think Cynthia is an idiot. The more Cynthia opens her mouth to defend him (and NeNe) the more she verifies she is a certified idiot. Picky runaway bride? MY ASS! More like doormat kiss-ass is more like it.

And speaking of Cynthia being NeNe’s lapdog has anyone noticed how she is to NeNe what Kelly was to Jill? Yeah, think about that for a minute.

Peter is opening a new bar for the 50th time, he says this one is going to be successful. Cynthia is nervous and Leon wants to bust up laughing. If Peter handles his businesses the way he handles himself around people it is no wonder all his businesses keep flopping.

Kim and Sheree have lunch together and Kim says she misses getting drunk, while she downs a glass of wine. For strange reasons we will never know Kim kisses Sheree’s ass and says they been good friends for 10 years even though Sheree tried to snatch her wig off that one time. Kim brags to Sheree that she is buying a huge mansion and Sheree is jealous because all she has is that fake demolished property she tried to pass off as the future land to her imaginary mansion Shit by Sheree. She will be starting some bullshit to mask her jealousy with Kim over this in the future. Mark my words. After that the two bitches agree that they wont live in used houses with old linoleum floors Ala Teresa Giudice season 1.

NeNe’s son is getting picked up by her soon to be ex and there’s some boring awkward conversation over bringing one-night stand drunks over while Brent is home, and some shit about not hiring random hobos to watch Brent because he is too old to get a babysitter or some shit. I don’t know I wasn’t paying attention. Moving right along.

Phaedra and Kandi are shopping for a gift for Kim’s baby shower and end up getting her some kinky nipple cream. Kandi tries to get the dirt on Phaedra’s boy-toy’s recent arrest, but Phaedra directs the conversation (in the Phaedra way) towards PETER! YES how about that bastard Peter and the interview he gave that one time, to that one magazine were he said he hated EVERYBODY! Do you see how she shifted that? Kandi doesn’t notice the conversation got shifted until days later then, she wonders what the hell happened. Phaedra is talented I tells ya’.

The day of Kim’s baby shower that shit was of course over the top crazy complete with a huge-ass cake and emplastered in creepy pictures of a pregnant Kim half naked looking like a  Trailer-Park Real Doll.

Kim’s father makes an tacky appearance when he obnoxiously pounces on Phaedra and pushes her his business card to pimp his company. With a father that persistent is no wonder Kim turned out to be such a good gold-digger.

Surprisingly Kim knows ALL the blondes in Atlanta and in the sea of blondes Kandi makes her way to find Kim. IT WAS LIKE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Brielle gives a sweet speech about how her drunken-ass, wig wearing, chain smoking, mama finally hit a touch down with Kroy (pun intended!)  and thanks him for ‘knocking” up her mom so soon. Everyone loves each other and are all happy and all the bitches keep fawning over Kroy because that’s what happens when someone finally lands a nice husband. Even Phaedra although the bitch notices Kim party resembled her over the top “boughetto” extravaganza last season, but it’s all good they all love each other, for now.

Cynthia and Peter show up to the last 10 minutes of this five hour baby shower with no present (YES, THIS SHIT WAS FIVE FUCKING HOURS!) because it took Peter 5 hours to cook his instant Uncle Ben Angry Rice and that’s why they didn’t have time to stop at the dollar store and pick up a gift. Before Papa Smurf and Cynthia walk into the event, Papa Smurf makes a comment about how he hopes  they don’t get kicked out of this event, but he was really hoping for the opposite because that’s what angry psychopaths with a short fuse do.

Peter and Cynthia plop down to eat whatever scraps where left over from the baby-shower feast, and Peter proudly announces he is opening a new puterio that will be successful this time. Everyone wants to bust up laughing (AGAIN!) but everyone holds back knowing Papa Smurf’s anger management problems. However, there’s always a child in the group that can’t help to lightly and inconspicuously poke a stick at the angry beast and Phaedra waits for the perfect moment to jump in.

Meanwhile, Papa Smurf senses everyone thinks he is a joke and is willing and open to take anyone’s comments, attitudes, or breathing patterns as insults and invitations to start a brawl up in this bitch to rival the the Real Housewives Of New Jersey Christening That Went Horribly Wrong (why do you think he tried to start with Lawrence over his high-heels? But that bitch don’t care and simply dismissed his shit comment crushed under his stiletto) and so when Phaedra makes a comment that Peter will not invite her to his grand opening at Bar Flop because he mentioned during  his magazine interview he don’t like her or any of the other bitches and thinks they are all “not cute” ( this is the same interview Phaedra was talking about earlier) Apollo says something about him and Phaedra not wasting their time reading that shit and Peter starts grinding on Apollo who only stood up for Phaedra’s big mouth.

The men get into an ugly yelling-match/ argument. Except there wasn’t much of an argument, it all consisted of the two men barking the same sentences to each other back and forth GET YOUR MONEY TOGETHER YOU’RE TOO OLD, GET YOUR MONEY TOGETHER YOU’RE TOO OLD, I GOT MY MONEY I GOT MY MONEY. 

Suddenly, the camera got all grainy like someone was shooting it with a cell phone and the back and forth tit for tat kept going, but still no real argument or people sobbing in Italian yelling “get the gun” or anything like that so, if they were trying to upstaged the Real Housewives Of New Jersey Christening That Went Horribly Wrong they failed miserably, plus Kroy calling the police so that it didn’t turn into a disaster New Jersey Christening level didn’t help.

Cynthia sat there saying she was ‘MORTIFIED!” and trying to pretend her husband is NOT an embarrassing asshole with no trigger control who uses her hotness and fame to coat-tail his way to fame-whoring and fortune while dragging her to the pits of the gutter circus of crazy in all it’s embarrassing glory. I am surprised she is “MORTIFIED!” wasn’t she hoping to get kicked out along with Peter? Phaedra laughs during her talking head interview and says Apollo is off parole and doesn’t have a problem beating up an elderly person on Medicare.

Meanwhile Kim missed the whoooole sloppy mess because she was having a cigarette and wine break, since she smokes and drinks for two now and has to keep that shit away from the cameras.