It’s Sunday afternoon and Vicki is already making margaritas, of course Vicki been drinking since 9:33 am. It seems that these Bitches have to be drunk all the damn time. Vicki asked Jeanna to come over and comfort her after all the shit the other ho’s put her throught and cries to  Jeanna about how Alexis has not been cool Jeana asks ‘really’ with a big fat smile on her face like she is all happy about it  and  says that Vicki deserved it and had it coming because she was such a bitch last season to Gretchen and Lynne at the racetrack .

 Vicki is now kissing  Jeana’s ass because she realizes Jeana had her back at one point. Vicki tells Jeana that at the end of the day they have each others back and blah blah blah. Jeana agrees but then laughs and says ‘I ain’t got that Bitches back!’  watch Jeana slurping on her margarita she wanted to laugh at Vicki’s face and says ‘fucking bitch she deserves it!’.

They show a clip of Alexi’s horse face yelling and confronting Vicki.

 Vicki says that she knows she bullies  and embarrasses Jeana like for example when she told everyone Jeana tried to borrow money from her. This  caused their friendship to get hurt but that it was nothing like what she experience with ‘these Bitches!’.

Alexis looks like a tranni that works the docs in that purple dress during her little introductory scene. By the way does anyone know what her tranni ass says during her opening line? It sounds like she says ‘ Am I holding nut sacks? of course I am. Look at me!’. Her inflated lips are so huge they flap when she talks making it hard to understand her.

Alexi’s mom is a very succesful dumpster diver at the trailer park she lives at. Yep, she paid for those wooden teeth from all her can collecting business and now she saved 13k for her eyebrow lift because Alexis told her she better fix that huarache face if she wants to continue being her mother. However, stupid Alexis still wonders what does her mom do all day if she is not primping herself and working out or getting needles with Anthrax injected in her forehead; Alexis doesn’t realize her mom has to work hard looking for those cans. Damn! We also saw pictures of Alexis when she was a little boy name Alex who didn’t like his hair smelling like air; all this before that sex change operation.

Alex used to dream of someday being a California blonde housewife with an old hairy greasy ogre of a husband who constantly humiliates her and berates her in public, but who also foots the 200k a year bill for the never ending supply of botox to keep her face from falling,  and who keeps her clad in 7 carats while she incessantly works out paranoid her man will leave her for a younger hotter blonde and pukes all of her food at expensive restaurants to keep from gaining weight. Did ya’ all see when she took her mom to lunch she only took two bites of her food and then she was wondering why she wanted more bread its called being hungry bitch. But Alexis  could not figure that one out even if they drew her a picture so she just nibbles on the bread asking herself why she wants more bread. Alexi’s mom is eyeballing the waiter and pinches his ass.

Here is Alexi’s mom in her younger days. she sure was a hottie. Just kidding! To be fair I really think Alexi’s mom looked better than Alexis except when she takes out her teeth. Her wooden teeth do look fake as hell. 

Alexis drags her mother to her plastic surgeon. She actually has a plastic surgeon!. The mom is just there to get a eyebrow lift that Alexis has been pressuring her to get for many years until finally the mom decides to get it done . Alexis starts going into a spewage about the size of her huge scary freak show teeties she proudly informs her mom that her gigantic porn size twins have given her own twin daughters  nightmares from the time she breastfeed until now. 

 It looks like Alexi’s mom already got some silicone inserted in her she has that old lady with a chankla face with giant teeties that don’t match her face look already down packed. Now she is going in to get that Joker-Face surprised eyebrow look to go with it; you know the type that doesn’t allow their faces to move anymore or show emotion.

The doctor starts rambling off a lists of shit they can do to her face to completely overhaul it. Alexis says good because her mom is plain and ugly. Since Alexis is so beautiful and  glamorous an’ all.The doctor tells the mom that since she is so scary looking he can do a complete overhaul of her face he suggest the classic surprised Joker Face look he also suggest they inject embalming fluid in her eyelids and for the lips some whale fat and eventually doctor Frankestein suggest permanent chola eyeliner that he will tattoo himself and the doctor will also eventually tattoo permanent makeup on the mom just like he did Alexis .

Alexis makes all the plans and arrangements for her mom to come back and get all this other crap done to her face.

Alexis says that as soon as her toddlers go to kindergarten she will be dragging them to the plastic surgeons chair to see what they can do. You know since the Goddess in heaven didn’t make them perfect to begin with.

After all the eviction drama Lynne decided to break into her moms house and live rent free since it was all Franks fault they ended up at the homeless shelter. So Tamra decides to show up with some Bitch wine and find out more on Lynnes problems with her  man, so she can talk shit to the other bitches about it. Lynne tells Tamra she is pissed off at Frank and doesn’t want to see him and she is dumping his broke ass. Tamra asks Lynne ‘does he cheat on you?’Lynne says ‘noo, he is a germaphobe he would never cheat on me!’  Tamra says she doesn’t understand that since Simon always cheats on her.

Lynne’s daughters like, are like having the munchies and eating hamburgers with nasty like ketchup and like discuss the humiliation of getting evicted on national  like, on TV, like, VS all the other times that like, they got evicted and like now they have to like share a bong together like because that makes them become closer.

 So like the whole thing could of being prevented if like the cameras weren’t there and like now everyone knows that like they are not like rich. . So like they will so get a like parent whisperer, they like can hire like Vicki so that like Vicki can like bitch smack them into like disciplining those like brats.Like what the fuck. So like Alexa and Raquel like decide to like move to LA so that like Alexa can go to college and like Raquel ‘ I don’t know what the hell you’re gonna do’ like she will like work as a like stripper. This is the glamorous apartment the girls can afford.

Very Glamorous and so not scary.

We also found out that Brianna did not have cancer thank Goddess!

Tamra had her 75th birthday and since this year Simon cannot afford any more 40 thousand dollar Rolex’s, like back in 2007 or an expensive tennis bracelet;  and forget having a party on a yat this year she better be happy on the Gondola ride and I don’t mean in Venice Italy, I mean the Gondola ride that cost $12 bucks at the docs where the doc ho’s hang out. Simon is surprisingly being nice tonite he tells Tamra that he married her because she has a big mouth, and she is  a crazy ho’. Tamra tells him that he needs to quit lying because he hates her big mouthand she had the same mouth when he married her that she has now.

 Tamra proudly says that her nickname was ‘truckdriver tits!’ Back in the days when she worked at the puteria rathole, where Simon first layed eyes on her. Yep, Tamra reminices about the days when she was a young girl, and a single mother,  and when her regular customers wanted to get her attention while she was sitting at the bar stool waiting for Jonhs they used to say ‘Hey Truckdriver Tits!’ and Tamra would turn. True story.

Tamra continues to desperately make Simon and Vicki friends, but Simon tells Tamra Vicki is evil and everyone has a good side even hitler. What a sicko! Simon also believes his marriage is similar to the I Love Lucy 50’s marriage, untill he gives her the boot and serves her with divorce papers in a few months.

 Tamra still manage to throw a birthday party at some local eatery where they start serving drinks at 10 am so by 11am Tamra was naked wasted. Vicki of course could not make it even thought her office is 5 minutes away. But because Vicki has to ‘work’ instead of stoping by to drop off Tamra’s present she send her gay assistant to drop it off. Did ya’ all see him all exicted when he saw Tamra’s gay friend over at the birthday party. They remember each other from that one night stand. Tamra’s pissed Vicki could not show up to deliver the present which is a turd in the bag by the way.

Of course Lynne took Frank back, because she knows his broke ass adores her and having a man who is a germaphobe is a very good thing. So she takes him back besides she is the only woman that will take his punk ass back when he comes out of jail for ripping off those dumb ass people for 2.5 million that they blew through in 1 year.

Gretchen got all ready for her makeup line launch and her friend came over to do her werewolf eyebrows.  That chick that  does Gretchen’s eyebrows looks just like her. Now remember Vicki told Gretchen that she may not be making a wise decision investing her money into a makeup line that’s underdevelop and in this economy specially when Gretchens face looks like she being having too much nose candy and her complexion looks like caca.

 I bet Gretchen and that partner of hers thought up this brillian idea of starting a make up line when they where on one of their meth benges  ’I know lets open up a make up line well become millionaires well open it with the money Jeff left me and we will make millions and that will buy a lot of meth’.

Yeah, so Grechie thinks that 30 thousand people will show up to this event and she will become instantly successful because of who she is and the high profile star that she is on the housewives show. Only 5 people show up at the women’s expo 3 of them have no idea who Gretchen Rossi is one person recognizes Gretchen Rossi and ignores Gretchen when she says ‘ hello’ then walks away laughing because she can’t stand her on the show and thinks she is a joke so of course she dont buy anything  either and the only customer they get is a poor  girl who is high off her ass and Gretchen along with her partner end up jumping on that girl like vultures and presure her into spending money .

The girl ends up spending only like 10 dollars but she has no idea who Grechen Rossi is. So she don’t even care to take a picture with her. Wow and Gretchen only spend like 800k into that makeup line and made a sweet 10 bucks. While on one of the confessional interviews Gretchen looks tore up and sucked up from the meth benges and you can tell she feels stupid that her make up line was a busts and admits the economy is bad and people don’t want to spend money on bullshit makeup when they can’t even afford food. Before her makeup launch went in the toilet along with the 800k she invested in it, Gretchen did say her motto is either go big or go home. So I guess she better go home.

End of the Summer Poop Splat

Tamra gets ready to go to the end of summer poop splat while she’s already drinking and Simon is already being his controlling abusive self. Every dress Tamra shows him that she wants to wear is met by Simon’s criticisms. She pulls out one dress with the sexy low back and he tells her that looks like something a 20 year old stripper would wear, she pulls out another fabulously slutty dress and he tells her that something a tranny street walker would wear.

He acts very annoying and is driving her nuts Simon is not just controling but he also makes sure he is impossible to deal with wich makes Tamra drink more.  Tamra finally finds a short dress that covers her chests but Simon tells her it show her legs . Tamra tells Simon she is not a troll either and should be able to wear something sexy and pretty. However Tamra is wearing the troll hairstyle tonite.

Tamra and Simon get picked up by their personal limo paid for by Bravo. The limo driver is a tall black man whom Tamra flirts with because she thinks he’s yummy. Simon tells her to quit that shit or he is gona bitch slap her. I knew it! While they are in the limo they get into a big ass fight again over Vicki. Simon continues with his obsession that it is Vickis fault that their marriage is falling apart.Simon tells Tamra he wants a wife who respects him and acts like she is married, he is saying this because he is pissed off at Tamra flirting with the limo driver .

Then Simon moves on to call Tamra a shitty mother and tells her she ditches her kids to go get hammered and hang out with Vicki, Tamra screams‘I’m with my kids everyday!.. well if you were working and making money we wouldn’t be fucked in this sit- position, you’re an asshole!… you know what you can go fuck yourself you fucking asshole You’re a nasty vile person,…you’re an asshole,… I want a divorce! fuck you!’ It’s obvious Simon cannot tolerate this woman and Tamra knows it; she is beyond frustrated.

All this time the poor limo driver had to hear this drama bullshit and I bet he felt uncomfortable as hell too because he knew the fight got fueled because of him when Tamra started flirting with him and it pissed Simon off. How fucked up how awkward that must of been for this poor limo driver who is just earning his money.

Gretchen also gets ready for her party she has the Little House Slut on The Prairie hair style. Slimey and Gretchen wear wedding cake dress up clothes. Gretchen wonders if her family will be there. But they ditch her  because they are embarrased of her being with a loser.

When Simon and Tamra arrive at the party she is already crying Simon tells her to quit crying and tries to hug her of course he shows no emotion and is just talking to her because the cameras are there.

At the party Simon and Tamra each go their separate ways Simon is all pissed off and vile he starts shit with Donn and says ‘wow Vicki is leading Donn!’  because him and Vicki walk away from him  Vicki says she doesn’t want any drama. A tough fairy Queen steps in and bitch smacks Simon and puts him in his place the Queen says to Simon ‘Don was leading Vicki away don’t be mad at Vicki’ Simon just backs down. Damn Right!

Gretchen and Slimey arrive and everyone pauses to look at their wedding cake clown suits. Of course Gretchen and Slimey want to keep believing everyone is laughing with them not at them. Keep thinking that! Laurie tells Gretchen that she is delusional if she thinks Slade is gonna marry her and be a good huusband. Gretchen tells Lauri to back off since Slimey told Gretchen that him and Laurie never dated. And Gretchen believed him. Dumb ho’ didn’t she follow the gossip of that wreckage and seen for herself.  What an idiot!

Gretchen tells Laurie that Slimey would never sleep with such a scary bitch that looks like the twin sister of the crypt keeper because Slimey is ’such a catch!’and she’s gonna marry him.Laurie laughs at Gretchen and tells her that she did more than just date him she also blew him, by the trash can, at the alley behind the 7 eleven  a few times and also let him bang her from behind inside the 76 gas station restroom. For some reason Slimey always wanted Laurie to wear a paper bag on her head whenever they had sex. Gretchen decides to plug her ears and starts yelling ‘LA,LA, LA, LA!’.

Lynne, Frank and their 2 pole dancing hoochies in training show up plastered. Slimey made sure he informed Frank his girls were drunk and everyone heard him since he is the parent of the year voice of morality. Lynne pretended she had no idea there was booze in the limo and the girls got into the booze. This Bitch never has no idea what the fuck is going on with her kids, what else is new.

 The rest of the night focuses on Tamra crying over Simon being an ass and she tells Vicki she is scared of Simon and of pissing him off because he may beat her ass.  Simon eventually walks out and leaves Tamra at the party.

Jimbo invites Frank and Lynne to church and Frank asks Jimbo if they have dougnuts there because he will have the crazy munchies since the only way he will go to church is if he is stoned because that is the only way the sermon will make sense to him.

Alexa is drunk off her underage ass and fights with Raquel who also leaves her because she is always over it. Kara takes the roll of big sister and conforts Alexa who is bipolar, and changes her mood and stops the waterworks, the minute Kara tells Alexa she knows of a cute boy who attended the party and if she would like to meet him.

In the end we all learn what we all knew was gonna happen. Lynne and Frank had to move to  the trailer park and sell cuffs at the swap meet so Lynne hired Frank . Alexis got a job as a plastic surgery tranni consultant and Jimbo let her ! It’s a miracle. Vicki is still bossing Don around and even thought  Tamra  said the last thing she wanted was be 42 on welfare living at the Sunnyvale trailer park next to Lynne that’s exactly what happened since she and Simon separated and he gave her the boot to the ass with some divorce papers. Gretchen and Slimey are still losers.

 Gretchen is finally fulfilling her life dream of joining an outlaw biker gang. She gets ready to ride her bike puts on her Barbie pink scarf, gets her helmet on pulls out a lists from her pocket that reads:

Things I want to do before I die:

1. Get plastic surgery to get rid of the ugly.

2. Become bulimic and lose the weight. Work out frantically.

3.Get engaged to an old millionaire who is about to kick the bucket, and sleep with other men while supposedly taking care of him.

4.Join a trashy reality TV show and make all the other Bitches on it jealous.

5. Get money from dying fiancee.

6.Get a Harley as a gift from millionaire fiancee.

7. Date a douchebag.

8. Pick up a meth habit to stay skinny.

9. Join an outlaw biker gang.

10. Sleep with as many bikers as possible.

11. Catch crabs from as many bikers as possible.

12.Give crabs to as many bikers as possible.

13. Blow all the money inherited from dead millionaire fiance on blow, hookers and the douchebag.

14.Back to square one.

Gretchen is checking off each item according to what she is currently accomplishing, and joining the biker gang was in there and so was making Tamra kill herself from jealousy because Gretchen got the pink Harley that Tamra always wanted since she was a little girl at the trailer park.

 Gretchen says that Tamra can ‘SUCK IT!’. Since Gretchen is doing what she said that she was gonna do and Tamra shit herself in jealousy when she saw Gretchen getting that pink Harley.  Gretchen says ‘where is your bike Bitch?!’  Since it is clear that Tamra Sue can’t afford a Harley, even thought she says she could get one if she wanted to, but we all know that is boollshit.

Gretchen offers Tamra a job as her Bitch and says that Tamra can ride in the back of her bike and Gretchen is gonna wear a jacket that says ‘If you can read this the Bitch fell off’ Just in case Tamra falls off during one of the sharp turns.

Yes, Gretchen has goals, big goals! That’s why she is loved!

Tamra and Simon hate each other and their children know that. It is a tough morning at the Barney cookie cuter mini palace that is about to get repossessed by the bank. Tamra asks her little son if he wants something to eat then she says that she didn’t eat anything before she went to bed the night before. Her little son Spencer says ’neither did I get used to it’ Since he hears all the grown up conversations, he tells his mom that in a minute here they gonna be on food stamps and that they gonna have to make that $ 300.00 a month in food stamps last for the whole month. That baby is mouthing off early, getting ready for puberty. Tamra expresses that she wants to work things out with Simon, just in case she can’t find another sugar daddy with at least a job. Little does she know he is dumping her ass.

It was cute when Tamra asks  Simon if he is going to follow the kids after they hoped on their little bikes to go to school, at that brief moment Tamra and Simon where mom and dad and were actually getting along. Too bad for those kids, Simon and Tamra’s crazy asses could not work things out.

Meanwhile Lynne’s daughter Little Ho’ in Training Alexa is hanging out with her friends still doing whatever she wants and whinning that her mom is too hard on her. What a whinney little shit!

 Lynne sniffed too much glue and popped too many shrooms and ate too many hashbrownies her brain is like mush and she still can’t figure out how to ground Alexa even thought Alexa has given her instructions on how to ground her she even bought her a book but Lynne still doens’t get it.

 I guess maybe it is because Lynne doesn’t know how to read so she can’t read the book Alexa got her, on how to ground a teenager, that is the reason Bravo won’t give Lynne a blog either. They even gave the other dumb house ho’s one. Even Kim Zolciak and Alexis Bellino have a Bravo blog and those Bitches are dumb, but they can still write something at least. Even thought Alexis blog has to pass her master’s Jimbo’s approval and he proofreads it for her, she still gets to write something  it. If she writes something that Jimbo considers wrong  he will usually  back hand smack  her in the mouth. That’s why her lips are plump then he makes her delete it and dictates her what she should write. 

But poor Lynne when Bravo asked her to sign her contract that of course she dind’t read, she signed it with an ‘X’ and they realized she was iliterate so the producers said, don’t give that Bitch a blog. 

Since Lynne is clueless about how to approach her daughter Alexa instead of just grounding her for acting like an ass and not understanding when she is grounded, she takes her shopping. I guess Lynne thinks that grounding a girl is taking her to the mall shopping instead of taking her home and having a parent to child talk and give her chores to do or grounding her from the phone because of the bullshit she likes to pull.

How come Lynne looks like a shrinking 80 year old lady when she is driving that 95 Beemer? She is all sitting forward with her back hunched over like Mr. Burns from the Simpson’s.

Alexa complains that her parents don’t ground her  and that instead of just yelling at her they should really do something. You mean like beat her ass? Then Alexa bitched her mom Lynne out for turning her to the Youthologist Vanessa who is really some other woman who is burly older than Alexa and Alexa asks Lynne what is this woman supposed to know about raising a teenager? Lynne doesn’t even know what to say to Alexa and just takes her in the mall . Alexa wants her mom to do her job as a mom and wants her mom to ground her? Yeap.

Alexa stars crying, because instead of taking her shopping Lynne starts talking to Alexa about being respectful to her. At that same moment when Alexa started crying like a bratty little shit Lynne should of dragged Alexa out of the mall by her hair and said ‘fuck this! I am not buying you shit get in the car!’ then she should of taken her phone for a month and the situation would of ended there. But nooo!

While at the mall you can see how gradually Lynne’s brand new face starts to fall off because of the stress of talking to Alexa. Lynne is so afraid of Alexa.

The whole scene starts to turn very ugly when Alexa starts to use curse words at Lynne it all scalates to the point where Alexa calls Lynne a ‘Bitch’ and tells her she only cares about herself and her stupid cuffs and throws the cuff on the table, and  also tell Lynne to kiss her ass . Lynne just sits there  looking at Alexa in surprise and doesn’t know what to say to her.

Lynne just lets her freshly implanted face fall off and her old face came back. I could not believe that! If that was my kid she would really be calling me the ‘devil’ I would of made sure I gave her something to cry about. Lynne don’t know what to say to her teenage child who is disrespecting her in public at the South Coast Plaza on national TV in front of God and everybody at that! Lynne just sits there with a dumb look on her face like usual and stutters some lame ass shit that doesn’t make sense like ‘ g-girl the world is your stage’.

 Alexa continues her tirade of disrespect towards Lynne , and walks away from Lynne. Stupid Lynne walks behind Alexa kissing her ass and not really doing anything like smacking that child across the face so that she could taste her own blood.

 If my kid who is also a teenager pulled that bullshit stunt that Alexa pulled on Lynne, I would of smacked her so hard in front of the cameras she would of being farting teeth out of her butt.  My kid  tells me I am ruining her life when I ground her and take away her phone, not let her go out etc. Oh well, I always say to myself she’ll get over it. That’s what Lynne needs to do, she also needs to quit sniffing glue and eating magic mushrooms. Lynne should of waited for that bong hit until after she dealt with Alexa’s punk ass.

And now lets check in with the $2 dollar Circus Teetie Church Whore Alexis and her creepie master of puppet huusband Jimbo:

  Alexis and her circus teeties is cooking hard boiled eggs for her lord a master Jimbo. She is very tired from watching the maid make the beds, and this heating up coffee in the microwave shit is tiring. Alexis asks Jimbo if she can have a cooking party for her and the other Bitches so that she can fullfill her dying wish of bringing Tamra and Gretchen back together again as friends and also so that they can each taste each others whatever… After dumb ass Alexis says ‘taste each other’s whatever’ Jimbo gets all excited and  likes the idea of Alexis having a cooking party so that he can check out the other Bitches rack from the peeping hole he installed.

Alexis starts talking, then Jimbo shuts Alexis up and  she apologizes for  rambling  on like a little chatter box. Jimbo tells her, ‘do you want my input or did you decide how it’s gonna go’ Bitch, then he smacked her around a couple of times and shouted ‘were my eggs at ho!’. He dictates to her exactly  on what to do to get Tamra and Gretchen to be friends again, so that they can all end up going on vacation together this way he can tag along on the vacation and check out the other racks longer.

While Jimbo tells Alexis what to do she is attentively listening while nodding and drinking her coffee and all of that coffeee is driping on the sides of Alexis coffee mug, because her duck lips are too lose, that red stuff on her dirty coffee mug is not lipstick. It’s blood from when Jimbo smacks the shit out of her. It’s a hard job being a trophy wife.

Tamra admits her house is in short sale and cleans her garage to sell her house Simon fallls off the pogo stick. Boring!

Vicki and Donn go on date night diarrhea was dripping from the waitresess hair because a seagull decided to shit on the waitress. Vicki is screaming at the diarrhea on the poor waitress hair. The damn bird kept flying around shitting on that poor waitress hair. Now she will always be remembered as the diarrhea seagull waitress Vicki orders that waitress to go clean herself up ‘go wash your hair you’re a drooper’.

Donn helped the waitress. Vicki was horrified. That shit was funny that poor waitress is gonna have to wash her hair in the kitchen sink. Vicki and Donn make fun of the waitress what a fun night they’re having. After that whole thing Donn gave Vicki a gaudy pimp ring.Vicki says it’s almost six carats. Vicki takes off the ring and says ‘I don’t deserve this’ I’ll beat yo’ ass with it. The next night Vicki punched Donn in the eye with that ring. They’re so happy together. Happy bastards! God Bless them!

Gretchen says she didn’t get money from Jeff. You know that Bitch is lying because if she was broke Slade would not go out with her, well maybe for the ass because she is cute in a  big head, bulimia sort of way. Although she is starting to get the Joker Face eyebrows going from the botox. Well maybe Gretchen is running out of the 2.5 million that she supposedly dind’t get.

Vicki her two grown children and  her employees are having a meeting. Vicki says she dont like ho’s that spend all day at the gym sleep till 10 and not work or do shit just like oh,… Alexis and Tamra. Were Tamra is at; Alexis is going. Vicki bitches her kids into working, and gives them a seminar about how to manage your money, Michael and Brianna are smart asses to Hurricane Vicki and say they will just spend their money and blow it on bullshit. Brianna calls her mom a picker.

 Well Hurricane Vicki is a crazy Bitch but her insanity serves a purpose. Vicki bustes her ass because blow, booze and male whores, costs money, Bitches! Those other Bitches need to learn  Hurricane Vicki’s work ethic. Specially Lynne, because face lifts and smoking a pound of weed a week cost a lot of money and nobody is buying those bullshit cuffs.

Speaking of Lynne the Bitch is desperate and turns to her mom for help in dealing with her out of control teenage demon daughter Alexa. Lynne tells her mom she needs help. Lynne wants to pawn Alexa off on her mom.Lynne asks her mom if she could send Alexa to grandma boot camp. Grandma boot camp? That little shit needs real boot camp instead of fixing her chankla face, (which didn’t make much of a difference) Lynne should of used that money to pay her rent buy groceries and send Alexa to real boot camp. Lynne’s mom tells her to get off the glue now.

Jim is in charge of the kids haircut too he also tells everyone what to do at the haircutting place. Alexis says that Jimbo jr is just like his dad. That is very scary, you mean he is making more of him. These fuckers are creepy.

Vicki dind’t go to Alexis cooking get togeter because it was on a work day at 1pm. That’s why she is not in foreclosure.

Lynne showed up holding an open wine bottle, looking like a crack ho’ her hair was not even done she stunk of wine  and was drunk off her ass. Wearing a very short mini and gogo boots ‘ho’ wife say what?’. 

Alexis wants those bitches to get along  so she gives  all the drunken Bitches   knifes. Then they all started sword fighting .Stupid  Alexis is too stupid to cook she don’t know how to coook anyways. So she has to get 2 chefs to cook for her.

  I think Lynne popped some acid too. The cooks thought those bitches where stupid and wanted to poison them. Did ya’ all see the cooks face , he wanted to laugh at stupid Tamra when she was trying to do a stripper move and take off her apron all sexy, then Alexis told her ‘don’t strangle yourself’.

 They keep showing clips of Lynne getting more  wasted sucking on booze.  Lynne complains about the amount of butter being used on the food and says she will have to extra work out to get rid of the extra weigth! I am starting to think this ho’ is not on weed because that shit gives you the munchies and Lynne would not want that. Maybe that ho’ just sniffs glue like it’s going out of style. Because then she says all retarted like ‘ I still don’t know what we’re doing I wasn’t paying attention!’. Pendeja!

Alexis  starts her shit about those 2 bitches becoming friends again. Tamra says she don’t like that Bitch starting her shit.But Tamra and Gretchen are too drunk, tired  and over the whole Gretchen and Tamra dilemma, war bullshit just like everyone else is.

Lynne looks like shit and her old face came back after that Alexa fight.Then she tells the bitches her hubby is hung like a horse. That’s gross! I don’t want to know about that fucking shit drunk Bitch!

Gretchen brings up a touchy subject she knew would piss Lynne off and asks Lynne ‘how are your girls.. How is Alexa?’ Lynne’s look on her face should of warned her to stop right there; because that Bitch got pissed.  Then Gretchen kept on pushing Lynne’s drunken irrational buttons.

Alexis realizes that trying to bring Tamra and Gretchen together as friends and being the ‘peacemaker’ and martyr,only backfired on her dumbass and now she feels stupid. Well, she better get used to feeling stupid she is on RHOC isn’t she?

Then Gretchen finally found Lynnes drunken Bitch button and pushed that shit when she told Lynne ‘Just because you pop a child out between your legs it doesn’t give you the…God right to know how to parent!’ this is where Lynne lost it. ‘Bullshit!!’ she screamed. And it all went to shit from then on. Then Lynne got an evil angry look I’ve never seen on that Bitch and she pointed at Gretchen while she sturder ‘fuck you!’ Now where was this angry Lynne when she was at the mall with Alexa? This ugly angry Lynne is the one that needed to be there at the mall, that Bitch can look scary.  I bet if she went off on her daughter the way she went off on Gretchen and her kid saw the ugly scary face she had when yelling at Gretchen she  would behave.I mean she already looks scary but the look she had on her face when she yelled at Gretchen was super scarier  and fuglier than her usual dumb look, she could scare a child and give them nightmares for life!

Lynne yells at Gretchen more and calls her a  big internet whore who has no right giving advice on  a teenager. Alexis says that kids can be difficult because the nannies tell her about that kind of shit. Then Lynne cries and goes completely ape shit and whinnes about ‘trying to be a good mom’ yada, yada and some bullshit about ‘it’s hard living in Orange County when their friends are getting BMW’s for their birthday’ I guess Raquel’s used Beemer got repoed. This Bitch should just realize she can’t afford Orange County and move somewhere else than instead of keeping up with the Joneses. Or she can take Hurricane Vicki’s money management course to manage her Bravo paycheck. Then Lynne continues the  whine and crying campaing some more and she says ‘be afraid, be very afraid!’ while sobbing.  She tells Alexis to be afraid because her little angels will grow horns by the time they hit puberty. That’s why you got to take the bull by the horn before those horns get too long.

We start with Vicki taking  a walk with Donn and thanking him for not being a clingy controlling asshole that tells her what to do. Cough Cough Simon, Jimbo Cough Slimey. Then Vicki decided to pull a letter out of her ass, and reads a love poem /letter thanking  Donn for not being a dick. Then she thanks him for bending over and dressing up like a cheerleader for her. Vicki continues to thank Donn for being a good huusband and letting Vicki have the penis.

Wow, I guess the presence of the other fucktard huusbands of the other ho’s made Hurricane Vicki realize what a good wooped huusband she has and how obedient he is compare to dipshits like Jimbo for example.  Yep she realizes how good she has it. And so Vicki has finally realized that other men don’t want her crazy old ass and Donn is a pretty good catch for her to keep. So Vicki swooped Donn off his feet and is a few minutes they were in some Caribbean dream island were hurricane Vicki wrecked havock  having conch  and booze with Donn. Hurricane Vicki also molested her corciegne because he had a nice smile; and that’s the type of shit Hurricane Vicki likes to do when she is traveling coked out of her skull, in exotic islands where people have nice teeth.

We also saw Stepford wife Alexis playing bubbles with her kids and then she starts preaching some crazy spewage about how she has to go to church in her best hooker stilettos because she doesn’t want the devil to try and hump her. 

Scary ass Jafar looking motherfucking Jimbo starts to preach all scary to the camera about how he  hopes to someday start his own cult church and how he lays hands on his family every day to bless them and blah, blah, blah. Right after that Jimbo is yelling at his kids and barking orders at the nanny telling her to put the kids in time out. I feel sorry for his servants. Perfect Stepford wifey Alexis continues preaching about what a perfect wife and mother she is ’cause if she is NOT reverend Jimbo is gonna whoop her ass with his 10 pound bible.

Tamra asks her kids if they missed her and Simon while they were in Florida and the kids said they dind’t give a shit since they never see their parents too much since they keep hiring hobos to watch them while they are away being drunken, drama queens, at parties and the Housewife shows. Tamra asks her younger daughter if she wants to go somewhere with her and Simon  and the little girl asks ‘who is gonna watch me?’because Tamra never takes her kids anywhere.That sux! Tamra starts begging her daughter to go somewhere with her and Simon and little Sophia says she don’t want to go anywhere with them. You know what. I am skipping over that shit too depressing!

Suddenly an evil beetle who was sent by Gretchen to assassinate Tamra appears out of nowhere and Tamra screams ‘holy mother of balls!’ Lucky for Tamra the beetle misses her.  Tamra and Simon start to bitch and argue over Tamra’s friendship with Hurricane Vicki. Simon tells Tamra to lose that bitch if she wants to stay married to him. Tamra says that Simon and Vicki compete with each other to be the Alpha males. Maybe this is the infidelity Simon accused Tamra of. She was having an affair with Vicki!  AH HA!

Tamra wants to make amends with Gretchen so that Tamra can beat her ass again. Simon tells Tamra he don’t want her hanging around that rat Gretchen and that he is tired of the trailer park style drama Tamra gets into. Then he asks Tamra how come after all these years, she is still acting and behaving the same way she did when Simon first met her and she lived at the trailer park .Back then Tamra was also getting into cat fights and drama with jealousy and gossip and stupid skanky bitches.

Simon just doesn’t understand how he was able to take Tamra out of the trailer park but he could not get the trailer park out of Tamra? It was puzzling. Simon wants to hang around good wholesome people and doesn’t want gutter ho’s like Gretchen hanging around Tamra and his children because he is protective. He has also been taking lessons from Reverend Jafar Jimbo on being more controlling. Jimbo has taught Simon some valuable lessons like for example how it is better to smack a bitch with an open hand not with a closed fist, smacking a ho’ that way is better for the ho’ since that also plumps up her lips. Why do you think Alexi’s lips look like rubber band lips all the time? It’s not only from whale fat injections.

Simon tries to use a brain washing technique with Tamra that Jimbo taught him. By convincing Tamra that they’re marriage works and they are happy. But Simon fails miserably at his attempt to brainwash Tamra because she is a stubborn Bitch plus Tamra has taken lessons from Hurricane Vicki at not letting a man tell you how you feel so she just spits on Simon’s face and that gives him his answer.

Alexis and Jimbo go to some free church were they allow hookers and strippers to show up dressed for work. Well ho’s need to go to church too and so do preacher guys with southern accents who play guitar and like young pretty girls and church scandals.

That church Alexis and Jimbo attend was too loud and with sucky wanna-be-rock  music to boot. They were probably offending Jesus with that awful music.

I am old fashioned I think you need to keep your rock & roll music separate from your church music. Last time Metallica’s contract with the Devil expired their albums were sucking then they renewed their contract with Satan and their music kicked ass again.  And I thought contracts with Satan didn’t expired. Besides church is a place where you’re supposed to go to sleep and rest. I want a quiet church were I can take a nice nap and be woken up after the sermon is over. This works really good when recovering from partying and drinking the night before at a rock concert. See how that works? By the way I don’t go to church or believe in the devil so I am not trying to offend anyone religious.

The preacher starts spewing some stuff about not crying in your Starbucks and getting over it. By this time into the sermon I would of been sleeping and in my third dream already.While the preacher talks about how you have to stop winning and worrying about what someone else says about you Alexis was looking around all the other people sitting around her and while agreeing with the preacher she was pointing at everyone else saying see he is talking to you guilty unchristian heathens, I am more christian than you! I don’t do shit like that!

That Bitch was going off then she started attacking the other house ho’s and judging them she kept going off ,spewing more crazy preachy shit, by saying:the preacher was talking directly to the other house ho’s they all talk crap about each other and are not christian they are all going to hell except for me because I am christian.

Alexis brags about how she is very christian and is fortunate and blessed to have the baby machine and slave to Jimbo  lifestyle,  the nanny’s, the complicated multiple margaritas in mid day, and of course the  porn size boobs,  and how she is better and everyone else sucks and she is going to rise in a cloud with Jesus even though she is a famewhore and looks down at everyone else. Oh yeah, and she is NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THAT!.  WOW! What a self righteous Bitch. I wonder what Jesus would say about all her shenanigans?. That’s a crystal cathedral waiting to crash and it will crash hard. Oh well but that’s why Jesus invented Karma for people like Alexis.

Tamra says that Alexis and Jimbo did not appear as church folk to her. She also doesn’t understand how Alexis and Jimbo are trying to keep the devil out when the devil would love to hump Alexis cc’s. I think that’s what she said? I don’t know what the fuck cc’s are but then again I don’t have fake boobs either. As a a matter of fact I am afraid to death to have fake plastic shit inserted in me. I watched this show called 1000 ways to die and this woman who had humongous porn size boobs was on a plane high up in the air and they exploded and she bled to death! True story! After I saw that show with the exploding boobs whenever  I see Alexis fake cleavage, I  wait for her boobs to explode . Great now I have that image burned in my brain! GROSS!

Gretchen is high as a kite as usual, giggling  and clapping her hands all retarded like, she cannot even clap right because she misses and says she wants some of that christian in her cleavage because she has no boobies ; specially now that she has been snorting a lot of meth and partying on 2 week binges she looks super sucked up and where her boobs used to be there is only a hollow cavity. Bitch don’t need boobs she needs to get off the meth and a sandwich!

Gretchen gets nice and ready and coked out of her skull,  to go visit with Lynne’s daughter Alexa because she believes Alexa is depressed and Gretchen wants to be a good example and a role model to young girls.

When Gretchen calls Lynne to get her okay to take Alexa somewhere and interrogate her; Lynne is nice and high and agrees to everything Gretchen says she also tells Gretchen ahead of time that, Alexa may leak out the family secret that they beat Alexa.

Damn! Well they are not beating her enough, I tell you what, if anything they need to beat her ass more so she is not running around drunk off her ass, buck wild with every Tom, Dick and Harry  all over  Orange County.

  Gretchen takes Alexa to some second hand store to shop for 2 dollars shirts. Then she tells Alexa that she knows Alexa is depressed because she hears her tell Lynne how depressed she is and how she needs to have a beer. Gretchen gets all preachy on Alexa and tells her she is concerned about her well being. Gretchen feels that she is the expert, in giving children who are about to end up on drugs or pregnant, advice since she knows all about being on drugs, bulimic and naked on the internet since she is doing that shit right now as we speak.

 Gretchen says all her orgy toilet pictures, cheating on dying fiancee escapades, were done in the name of research since she also holds a degree in child psychology and all.

Alexa gets caught off guard when Gretchen demands she tells her what is going on with her depressing life, because she is a concerned big sister type. Alexa doesn’t know if she should hug Gretchen, or beat the shit out her right there  and then, at the clothing store in front of God and everybody.

Gretchen’s approach to forcing Alexa to open up to her was genius she put a little teenage girl who is totally embarrassed by her embarrassing family, on blast and put the spotlight on her problems. Even though Lynne’s daughters are little shits it is  no wonder those girls don’t want to go to school or be successful. I be embarrassed and fucked up too, having Lynne and Frank for parents and crazy Bitches like Gretchen up in my shit. That sux!

 After Alexa remembers Gretchen’s girls gone wild on the Internet dildo pictures she decides that she didn’t like that ho’ trying to give her advice on being depressed since she is the biggest gold digging famewhore who dates douche bags named Slimey and has slept with dying old millionaires who left her money while she cheated and partied and posed for erotic toilet modeling pictures.

Lynne snuck into the fitness center at some hotel to work out  with Alexa she also brought Alexa along to make sure her new face transplant doesn’t fall off this way in case that shit happens she has someone there to help her duct tape her face back on.

 Lynne asks Alexa about her shopping trip with Gretchen Alexa tells Lynne that since Gretchen is just some gold digging, orgy participant, toilet dildo model, who is naked wasted and coked out all the time Alexa feels  she doesn’t need to listen to Gretchen,  and Gretchen should not be giving  her any advice, she  also states  that Gretchen is a run down 40 year old whore who needs to quit pretending she is close to Alexa’s age and has the authority on counseling out of control teenagers, besides Alexa can fuck up her own life all on her own. Without some 40 year old grannie’s help. Since Lynne was high at the time she don’t remember allowing Gretchen to take Alexa shopping and so becomes outraged at Gretchen’s nerve both Lynne and Alexa agree that Gretchen is a gutter whore who ambushed Alexa by taking the pressure off her self, and make it about Alexa because she is an easy target.

Hurricane Vicki kidnapped Donn to Turkey Caicos and told him that they are falling in love all over again wheter Donn likes it or not! Vicki says that if someone says‘money doesn’t matter they were poor!’ Darn right Bitch that’s why you bust yo’ ass  peddling insurance so that you can afford to  vacation and don’t end up broke and in the trailer park condo like Tamra if Donn ever leaves yo’ ass.

 Hurricane Vicki gets drunk of her ass on Caribbean Rum Punch and visits a Conch bar to eat Conch wich is the viagra of the sea Vicki is drunk off her ass already and she stumbling drunk when the Conch guy is killing the Conch and taking out the conch dick . Vicki tells Donn to eat the  conch so that he can get horny and take her back to the room. The Conch guy tells them that after Donn eats those 7 buckets of Conch dick they will not come out of their room or see the rest of the day. And he was right. Vicki and Donn finally consummated their relationship. The only other time they had sex with each other was two months after  they got married back in the early 1980’s. It was Vicki’s idea. After that, Vicki decided they each need their own room and have kept it that way since, and now almonst 3 decades later they had sex again. Miracles do happen!

Tamra is out with that guy Marcos, who is supposedly her real state co worker. That Marcos sure looks like Simon’s little brother. Look at his nose and hair he resembles Simon. Tamra says Simon didn’t want to go look at houses with her and Marcos so she decided to go with Marcos. I wonder if this is the guy Simon is accusing her of being unfaithful with? I am sure Simon didn’t want to go because,  he was planning to give her the boot anyways and instead of looking at those million dollar homes she should of being looking at government low income housing.

Tamra tells that other man WHO IS NOT HER HUSBAND! How she used to live in that neighborhood, and she used to be the happiest back then but now Simon hates her, and he is on her shit list, and she needs a shoulder to cry on.

Damn! Tamra’s ass sure looks flat with those Peggy Bundy capris, maybe she needs to put some of that silicone  from her teeties on her butt to make it even.

Vicki decides it is time to seal the deal and tell Donn that he is her Bitch permanently, because Vicki is tired of the games from the younger Sancho’s she has being playing with, when on her many business trips. So she tells Donn that in the morning they are renewing their wedding vows on that beach whether Donn likes it or not . Donn almost has a heart attack you can see it on his face and body language, dude looks like his heart just sunk to his stomach. Then he starts crying and begging Vicki not to force him to marry her again. Yep he was crying the whooole time. Like a little Bitch too! His face was all wet and eyes all red from tears non stop from the time Vicki told him they were getting married, because she didn’t propose, she told him, and throughout that night, when Vicki told Donn they were having sex. Donn cried while sex then the next day at the ceremony Donn was crying also the whole time he cried. He only paused for a few minutes when Vicki made the ceremony about the one and a half carats,  princess cut diamond ring,  she bought him they were talking like 20 minutes about that shit. Hey but at least it wasn’t 7 carats! After they were done admiring the ring Donn went back to sobbing and crying.

Vicki also told Donn he must break up with his maid/mistress Rosita when they get back to OC and Donn wasn’t liking that shit. As a matter of fact he was devastated; but didn’t argue with Hurricane Vicki because he was afraid of her. Vicki should just be cool and let Donn have Rosita on the side, after all Vicki has gardner Fernando and when they both get back to OC they can all be one big happy, infidelity, alcoholic,  dysfunctional, family. Like they been all these years.

And now that we saw those two love birds get married and live happily ever after we must turn to some depressing shit and visit Tamra and her mother who are having lunch at some restaurant that isn’t MacDonald’s, so it is a new experience for Tamra’s mom.  Tamra of course has to bring up Gretchen and talks to her mom Sandy about how she is trying to patch things up with Gretchen because she loves drama.

Then Tamra starts teasing her momma about getting dumped for her best friend by Tamra’s dad and so Tamra’s mom Sandy gets back at Tamra and brings up Tamra’s own problems with Simon to remind that Bitch to focus on her own problems. Suddenly the scene turns into a Spanish Telenovela and Tamra covers her face and starts fake crying.

That Bitches face doesn’t even move it just stays straight and no tears come out at all. Her mom’s face is all stiff too you don’t know if they are laughing or crying .  Tamra asks her mom what does Simon want since he is driving Tamra mad and her mom tells her he wants a housewife not a ho’. Tamra did not understand the concept.Then Tamra tells her momma that if it wasn’t for the kids she would of left Simon’s punk ass already and found a richer sugar daddy. This is probably why Simon served her with divorce papers and kicked her to the curb.

Then Tamra says that the last thing she wants to do is be 42 divorced with 3 kids living in a condo. Maybe this should be her new opening line.

According to internet rumors, Ryan Vieth ‘Nugget Boy’ posted on his Facebook about being a baby daddy to a little girl named Dakota Vieth.

Now that Tamra may be the hottest granny in Orange County she better get ready to be the hottest grannie at the old peoples home, until Gretchen shows up looking sexy on bingo night. That’s were these bitches are gonna be next, ‘The Real Retirement Home Grannies of Orange County’.

Except that with all that botox all these Bitches use, they’re faces are going to look all jacked up when they’re at the old peoples home. Even Gretchen’s face will look distorted, oh come on! we all know she gets Formaldehyde injections also.

Lynne’s daughters better remember to use protection or they may end up making Lynne the next hot grannie of OC, with the face all fucked up, like this bitch below:

Yep, today is my one year anniversary of talking smack on this insanity of a blog. This blog was created on a whim. One year ago today I was telling my husband about the housewives and Gretchen and Lynne and their shenanigans and he gave me this look like ’what are you talking about?’ He wasn’t familiar with the Real Housewives reality wreck, and I didn’t expect him to be.

Then he was kinda teasing me over watching reality TV shows and next thing I know I told him ‘I’m going to create a blog about it’ and he said ‘knock your self out!’  then I came up with the name at the spur of the moment, and it’s been my after work dirty hobby ever since; the rest is history. Now even my husband reads this blog and my teenage daughter watches the Housewives and clowns on those bitches with me. (She also used to make fun of me watching reality TV shows).

So thank you all that read my crazy rants!

And here is some cheesey collage…

Lynne Curtin’s husband Frank told Radaronline that Lynne is innocent and she was named in the lawsuit just because the judge wanted to fuck with them.

Frank also says that the reason he didn’t show up to court was because of all the holiday smokey-tokey fog which caused his short term memory to act up, causing him to forget he had court that day!

He told Radaronline:

“I just sort of forgot to go because of the Christmas season,”

“My business all went south and I have been trying to work my way out of it. In the last 4 years I have lost everything, and I went through some really hard times.”

Seriously Frank, you need to put the bong down. When you have binezz to take care of, you have to put the bong down dude, and take care of binezz first, or else you won’t have money and weed is expensive that shit cost money!

Frank also regrets that him and Lynne got on a reality show:

“This has been the worst year of my life. And now I am in the public eye from a TV show…what have I gotten myself into?”

Dumb Ass!

HA HA HA HA !

Did I hear that fucker right? When he told his wife in a machito shitty controlling way to lower her voice? When she wasn’t even talking  that loud? And that Bitch just obediently did what ever the fuck he told her to do like an obedient 50’s blow up doll Stepford wife? OH HELL NO!

Yep, Stepford Wife. That’s what the other Internet gossipy Bitches like myself, started calling Alexis and that name seems to describe her perfectly.

And why the fuck is he blaming her for people staring? He should be yelling at the camera crew following them around. That’s why people are staring at them. Fucktard!

Alexis  is letting Jim talk to her like she is his kid?! In not only public but in front of the cameras for national TV and a shitload of people to see at that. For real Bitch? But I guess when your job title is submissive but spoiled Stepford housewife with 17 nannies and a much older man sugar daddy , you can let hubby walk all over you and boss you around. It’s part of the job expectation.

ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT!

If that would of been me which it has before I would of started yelling at my husband and told him “HOW BOUT’ NOW IS THIS BETTER?!” In a real loud voice. Damn Right! If you let them walk all over you at the beginning  then they will continue doing it. Gotta put the smack down early in the relationship, so they never do that shit again.

(Stepford Wife name used in Bravofan also)

Jo De La Rosa is a former housewife from seasons 1 and 2 ex-fiancee of Slade Slimey back when he was pretending to have money, and who later starred in a failed TV show called Date My Ex; where men competed with each other to date Jo and Slimey had to approve of them while they all stayed at Slimey's pretend house that Bravo rented for them. Jo is still pretending to be a singer and says she has an exciting glamorous life and dating a younger man. I heard some rumors this Bitch was recently seen working as a bartender at Cafe Boogaloo in Hermosa Beach, CA. But who knows if that is true, with these Bitches and their luck it just may be.

I knew I couldn’t stay away even on vacation, this blog is like crack to me. And fixing the little Internet connection problem helped also.

I was waiting for Jo De La Rosa   to say something about the famewhore-mance and shenanigans that Gretchen and Slade have been up to lately. Finally Jo has spoken up and says her and Gretchen used to be friends and this is how Gretchen was introduced to Slimey boy who later ended up hooking up with Gretchen. They probably started screwing while Jo and Slade where ‘trying to work things out’ I bet. I saw that one coming! I remember when I wrote the recap for that episode where Gretchen is invited by Jo to be in her music video Slimey was already flirty with her you could see it in their body language he was all cozying up to her.

Jo found out that Gretchie and Slimey where bumping fuglies through Jay Photoglou who told her back around the time, when Slade got arrested at Gretchen’s house when all that hoopla was going on and Gretchen was sleeping with Slade and dumping Jay for Slade. Gretchen had the audacity to call Jo and ask that Bitch for help, because Slimey boy went to jail and Jo was  like what the fuck is wrong with this crazy Bitch!? Yep! Sounds like something a fucked up narcissistic Bitch like Gretchie would do.I remember hearing Gretchen say that her and Slimey had Jo’s blessing and there was no heart feelings but Jo says BOOLLSHIT! To that, and pretty much says that Gretchie is a  ho’.

Well that’s what she gets for being friends with someone like super ho’ Gretchen. That bitch will throw her own mother under the bus for a man; she don’t give a shit. That’s why Tamra and Crazy ass Vicki hiss at that ho’ because  they can smell ho’ from 18 yards and older Bitches know that shit. That new Bitch Alexis better watch out ’cause when Gretchie runs out of the 2.5 million  she may dump Slimey and go after her man since he seems to be the only binezz men that’s carrying the serious bling right now in OC House-Ho’ land.

Here is the original article from Reality Wanted:

By Chandra Clewley

The Real Housewives of Orange County’s Season 1 and 2 resident raven-haired beauty, Jo De La Rosa has been off of the show for four years (!) with just a few guest appearances in Season 4. Last year, her long time love and former fiancé Slade Smiley appeared with her in Date My Ex, a spin off in which Jo dated men that Slade had to live with! With Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Orange County upon us, we have found that Jo’s ex-boyfriend Slade is now in a relationship with Gretchen Rossi. Gretchen, whose fiancé, Jeff Beitzel, died in 2008 of leukemia, has a controversial role on the show. Her antics include potentially cheating on Jeff with Jay Photoglou while Jeff was dying. Gretchen and Slade were introduced by Jo who was friendly with her through their real estate network and happened to cast Gretchen in her first video. Now, the lovebirds who Jo introduced while she was engaged to Slade herself, are the talk of the OC. These days Jo revels in the Los Angeles lifestyle! She is working on her music career, a movie, is the fresh face of a fabulous line of purses and is dating a hot new guy! While everyone expected the Gretchen/Slade relationship to go over like a lead brick with Jo De La Rosa, here she tells Reality Wanted why Slade did her the “favor”…

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: Will you make an appearance in Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Orange County?

A.  Jo: It is one of those things where, I left the show back in Season 2, and my life is so different now, who I am now compared to who I was 4 years ago. I live in LA now. There were talks of me coming on the show to confront Gretchen and Slade, but I need to be selfless at this point. Regardless of how I feel about them being together, this is Gretchen and Slade’s time in the spotlight and I just want to move forward with my music. It would have put me back out there in the public eye, but for all the wrong reasons. I will forever be thankful for The Real Housewives of Orange County, because that is how I got my start, but I have my own story that I have to tell through my music, and for me to go back to confront the past just doesn’t make sense.

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: Do you keep in touch with any of the other Housewives from the show?

A. Jo: You know what? I don’t. The thing is, people never really understood, I was so much younger than the other women on the show. I was never really as much friends with them as I was working with them. I had my own friends that I went out with in LA, doing my own thing, and the show made it seem like we were all friends, but really, I had my own life with Slade. I have always felt like the black sheep in that group because they were so much older than me, with children and marriages and I was just a 22 year old girl, barely figuring out who I was.

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: Did you feel stifled in your relationship because you wanted to be in LA when you were on the show?

A. Jo: I definitely had so much inside of me that I hadn’t even tapped into at the time, but when I was engaged to Slade, I was engaged and I wasn’t working.  I lost a lot of my goals, my dreams and my passions, and it wasn’t until I was finally in the relationship with Slade and at home bored that all of those things kind of rekindled in myself. It was a wake up call, like “what am I doing?” I’m 22 years old, engaged, and I had always wanted to pursue my dreams of music. I was accepted into the UCLA dance program, so I was always interested in the performing arts. I ended up passing on the dance program, but I was always involved in music and dance. Most girls in my situation would have taken that ring and that car that Slade gave to me and they would have lived off of that, the difference is that I gave back everything, the ring, the car, all of what he gave to me and I started over in LA! Slade really did me a favor because it used to be all about “Slade and Jo”, “Slade and Jo”. Now it’s “Slade and Gretchen”. For the first time, I can be on my own terms as Jo De La Rosa.

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: How long did you two date? Even on Date My Ex, he was always with you…

A. Jo: We were together for five years. Here is the funny thing, some insider information: even though I was on the show; I was still in love with Slade. I was still trying to work things out. It was never really over for Slade and I. Even after Date My Ex, Slade and I were still trying to work it out and then….came Gretchen.

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: I know that Lauri dated Slade for a little bit before she was married. Chronologically, when did this happen?

A. Jo: Slade and I were on a break, and he started dating Lauri. And then we tried to get back together…Lauri and I had a conversation about it on camera, and then here we go again with Gretchen…

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: On the show, Gretchen said that she called you to let you know about her and Slade, even though he had said not to. Is this accurate?

A. Jo: She called me because I found out from her ex-boyfriend Jay that Slade and Gretchen were hooking up. So the whole reason she called me was because it was already out. She actually called me when Slade was in jail and she was asking for help. (Smiley was arrested in February 2009 for unpaid child support, purportedly at Rossi’s Costa Mesa home.)  I was just like, “How can you call me and ask me for help when I just found out that you are sleeping with Slade?”  The truth of the matter is that it is what it is, and Gretchen, to me, is…it’s just dumb. We were ALL friends, you know, no matter how close we were, I just wish they would have come to me first, without me having to find out the way that I did. Even being able to talk to Slade on it, one on one, but they didn’t even give me that.  I just have to move forward, and not have a confrontation on camera. He was the love of my life, and she knew that. I was with him for 5 years, we were engaged, I acted as the mother of his children, and I was building a life with this man, and she was the girl that I knew, and you know what it is, at the end of the day, I just hate the way it all came down and came to an end. Slade and I are no longer even friends, and I haven’t even been able to talk to him face to face about it, and I know that is because of her (Gretchen).

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: How is your second album going? When do you expect it to be out?

A. Jo: I am in the studio, working on the second album, working on the second single, and writing. I feel like a lot of girls can connect to the music I am writing, it is a different sound. It’s a bit more edgy, “girl anthem”, with some country and pop-rock in there. Also, I had always wanted to be involved in a handbag campaign and so I am doing one for Rough Roses as well. I always thought that would be so cool to be that “face”, like Rihanna with Gucci, for a fashion line. It’s awesome, I was coming down Sunset Blvd. and I saw the big billboard, and there was my face! More than anything I loved his bags, the style of them, they are studded and leather. I like the earthy feel of them.

Q. Chandra, Reality Wanted: So, I have to ask, are you dating anyone?

A. Jo: I have been dating the same person for awhile now. He is super hot! Jeff was walking out of a club as I was walking in, and when I saw him, my heart just dropped. He was walking away, and he was wearing a fedora, and I thought “I have to talk to this guy!” So, I just yelled out “hey, you, fedora boy!”  He is not in the entertainment industry, he is a little bit younger than me, and he is hot! I am really happy right now and things are going great in my life!

Jo is also getting ready to co-star in a movie called Changing Hands (www.changinghandsfilm.com) produced by actor Scott L. Schwartz. The release date will be later this winter.

All of Gretchen’s lies just continue to snow ball on top of each other, like usual.

Slade Slimey owes his baby mamma approximately $80 thousand dollars in child support and the most fucked up part is that his son Grayson has a jacked up life threatening brain tumor and Slimey has only visited him a couple of times in the past year according to the baby mamma who cares for their son on her own. Slimey’s spoke person says that Slimey is a dead beat and a broke ass and can’t make the payments.

Click here for the letter send to Slimey’s ex wife from the Department of Child Support Services.(Source TMZ)

Here is Slimey being a broke ass while he tries to plug Gretchen from behind on a boat:

This is how Gretchen mourns Jeffs death and Slimey deals with his child support issues and son’s illness.

Here is Slimey being a broke ass while he relaxes in the sun at the beach with Gretchen and asks her for $5.00 dollars to go ride the Ferris wheel.

Wait a minute I thought that Slimey was in Gretchens payroll for the giggolo position? I thought that Bitch got $2.5 million from Pappa Money Bags in the will? Can’t she give Slimey an advance of $80k on his allowance?

Since Gretchen is supposedly such a caring loving soul and a breath of fresh air who absolutely was not with Jeff Beitzel for the money or for any gold-digging greedy fuckery I am sure that she will rush to help out her paid boyfriend Slimey, if not for Slimey but for the baby.  HA HA HA! YEAH, RIGHT!

If Slimey was smart and was trying to play broke ass  to avoid paying $80k in child support he would of fallen off the grid and not be found; but since he suffers from Attention Whore Personality Disorder he can’t help but be a raging famewhore who constantly needs attention and  cameras and the limelight in his face while he partys  it up with Gretchen. Boy for a broke ass he sure has fun. Wouldn’t that be funny if the Judges appointed to his child support case watch the OC Housewives and read all the gossip. Oh the hilarity!