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Eyewitness Comments From Alexis Bellino’s Children Pool Mishap!

admin — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:34:45 +0000

Alexis posted this picture of her and her daughter at the Balboa Bay Club pool in Newport Beach on July 4th on her Facebook.

That’s the exclusive Balboa Bay Club pool in Newport Beach?

Cause that shit looks crowded and the grounds look rundown and unimpressive. Maybe is just the picture and Alexis being in it makes it look cheap and like she took a picture at the public swimming pool at the ghetto in Anaheim somewhere . Yeap, that’s what it is! It’s her in the picture that makes it look rundown, cheap and ghetto. Must be the 2 dollar whore in her. But at least there were a lot of eyewitnesses, witnessing their shenanigans.

These are some interesting comments I found while surfing around the net in different websites. Check out the comments on Jimbo Bellino and how he drunken flipped out at the country club the day of the pool mishap and was yelling at the lifeguards . According to some of these comments Jimbo went on an hour cursing hissy fit and after yelling at the lifeguards telling them he would get them fired he was escorted out of the country club. What an asshole! He cant say ‘thank you’ to the people that helped him gets his children out of the water.

Other interesting comments I found were apparently written by the ex-nannies . A while back someone posted a comment on my site here that sounded like it was an ex-Nannie but I can’t find the frikking comment. If any ex-employees or ex-nannies have some dirt in these two scumbags feel free to leave them here or email me at realfauxhousewives@yahoo.com

Check out the one were, someone says these 2 fucktards were out shopping the swap meet for their kids beds and dumb bitch was trying to cut in line pulling the ‘I’m a fucking star’ and ‘Don’t you know who I am’ card . However the sales person put Miss Holier Than Thou Tits on her place when she was told :Who the fuck are you? and go wait in line like everyone else. I thought these assholes were rich folk and would be shopping at some fancy furniture store not the swap meet. Maybe their turd ass is going broke now that they don’t carrie nannies and have to shop at the swap meet.

Now, I don’t know how many of these comments may or may not be true but , they seemed pretty interesting. And when you have multiple people placing similar comments on all the sites then there must be some true to them.There is also some older comments in there too, about Jimbo being a crook. Read the one where someone is mentioning that Lauri Peterson is coming back . I also heard a rumor from an inside of an inside scoop that they may try to get rid of Alexis and replacing her with Lauri . But who knows if that’s true or not so don’t hold me to it.

Check these out:

From actual witnesses who were there:

“Alexis and her husband were talking with friends by the pool and it kinda of seemed like Alexis had forgot about her children, they walked off to take shots of tequila and just left the stroller there.”

“she has been around” doesn’t come close to truth.. she played the back nine MANY times with Newport “clients”…. went a few rounds myself; less than round at Pelican though ..lol

That restaurant they used to own on PCH was a total dive. It was like trying to eat dinner in a bar. The only way he could get anybody to go there were all his “two for one coupons”. These two are beyond trash. To the person who said that they thought the babies were never in danger of drowning…what part of kids strapped into stroller, stroller rolls into pool, parents either drunk/high/both don’t you get? I would expect this of Octo Mom but I guess she is too “low life” to be gettig wasted at The Balboa Bay Club on the 4th.

we seen her at the Balboa bay club a few weeks ago and she seriously looked like a hoochie, little short boobs galore… and she is SUPER SKINNY in person

Had a lovely run in with these two Saturday morning at the OC Swap Meet… Trying to purchase beds for their girls from Kids Alley – 6+ people waiting before them and they tried to cut in with her using the “don’t you know who I am” card. Thank god for Kathy as she said of course I know who you are but there are others ahead of you and you’ll have to wait – “but im an OCHousewife, what about the publicity?”. Again Kathy was true to her customers and preferred none above the other –
The self affected way they acted and the superiority they tried to throw at others was gross and for all they “have” on the outside, it is very apparent that they have nothing within.
I’ve never even watched the show and am thankful to still have those brain cells intact

That happens because no nannies will last them like us, working three years with them, be them bad people, envious, hypocritical, lying,believe is right that they alone are the only ones, believe God …mistreated us, insulted and cheated and never paid us enough money …the poor children who will be suffering now, we’re not to defend ourselves

I’ve heard that they’re having money problems. Alexis probably fired the nannies so that hubby can pay for the nose job she desperately needs.

As someone who has had the displeasure of working with them both, they are phony and gross, and owe me and several other people a lot of money. He is a self-absorbed classless pig who is proud of his transvestite trophy wife. She is only with him for his money, which isn’t nearly as much as they’d like everyone to believe. They never watch their own kids, so I’m sure this unfortunate accident is because they forgot they had kids. She will leave him some day for someone else.

was there neither one of them were watching the kids in the stroller. Instead of being grateaful to the lifeguard he began yelling I’ll have you fired. Her fault are you nuts, ther your kids

I was two feet away and saw the whole ridiculous incident along with countless otherpeople! They both turned their back, walked away from the stroller and it plunged in the water. Another gentleman from NZ that was at the scene pulled one child out while the husband struggled with the other. The lifegaurd and the other guy pulled the stroller out of the water.Then Jim proceeded to scream at everyone there for letting the stroller go in, blaming everyone but himself. Screaming at the lifegaurd who was present and making a scene that lasted at least an hour. Shameful and discusting.

Horrible people.

It only gets worse. Alexis and her husband blamed the lifeguard for the accident. Jim was in a cursing tizzy. Alexis was looking upset about her wet cover-up. Ironically, neither parent was holding or comforting the children minutes after it happened. Even their family members were in a state of disbelief on both the poor parenting and the inability to accept accountability.

i was there and saw it happen. the husband was at the pool bar and didnt put thebrake on the stroller. he did NOT dive in. the life guard was trying to pull the stroller up and the people in the pool were pushing it out. then he came running up cusing EVERYONE out and was escorted off property of the private club. A*SHOLE!

Check out alexisbellino.com her story is total bs. Jim did not dive in and pull both girls out. I know the man who pulled one of the girls out and he handed the child to her, she should’ve remembered that! The lifegaurd was present as well, both girls were wailing and terrified.

Everything they both have said has been inconsistent. I, along with several people saw what happened, these two had their backs turned on their children. Thank God for everyone else around. How about some gratitude and thank you’s for the people that did help! And thanks for both girls being OK.

They is VERY accurate,I was not there personally(if I was I would b telling the “version”of the story)My mom and bro were BOTH there and witnessed her being at LEAST 10-20 ft. AWAY from the stroller,and JimSlob was not even around,he was by the bar…of course where else would u be when u have little girls to look after????According to what they had told me,AlexAss and Jimbo didn’t realize the stroller was gone until it was in the water.Only then did they go after the girls.The lifeguard did rescue one of the girls and Jim,the other one(like they claim).My bro saw it from a distance,but he knows what he saw,SHE WALKED AWY FROM HER BABIES!!!!!!!!(on a slope no less)They r ungrateful peices of lying shit!!!!!I havepleaded with my mom and bro to tell the TRUE story…they just don’t want to cause trouble,but they will if asked by official from the club.More and people will come forward and they will see whats what then.I don’t condem for having an “accident”,we r human.They should not lie about it though…..

A few years back I had to spend about 4 hours around this douche. I have never met anyone as empty and joyless (at least on the outside) as he is.. He was rude, arrogant, condescending, to the people around us and even to myself. His wife on the other hand was cool and hot as hell, but she has let herself fall victim to the typical OC trapppings, which is a shame because she has way more character and charisma than he does.. Sounds like both of them may be a bit too wrapped up in themselves to keep their kids safe which is a shame.. Just my .02, if they disagree, they can afford to hire an attorney

Alexis mother lived in my home town of Hannibal. Penny is a beautiful person with avery kind personality and well respected in our community, unlike her self absorb daughter. I don’t know who Alexis was hanging out with, but it sure wasn’t anyone I know, because we dress very stylish, wear make-up, and have a little botox now and then.

Well, it appears the original MORONS might be back on the show. Jim Bellino and GEORGE PETERSON are cut from the same cloth.

LAURI WARING PETERSON has a new Twitter page asking ppl what they would like to see if they were to make a come back on the OC Housewives. Stupid, stupid people who should have never parented children. Have the PETERSONS not seen what these shows have turned into? Did they forget the hatred they received after Lauri exploited her sons life on TV. Obviously, they are not concerned about EXPLOITING their minor children – AGAIN!! PETERSON must really be hurting for cash and just as desperate as LAURI to have their mugs back on the D-Listed screen. LOOSER WANNA BE’S!!!!

http://twitter.com/LaurifromRHOC

This guy Belino is a money cleaner to the max Margaritaville never really did any business and I remember the pool table place, it is in the worst possible location. This guy is a scumer all the way and I bet after the guys he turned on get out of Prison, he will get his.

Hope those poor kids are ok

I havelived in the OC since 1967 ….. I am a native …. I ‘ve partied with Jim on many occasions. He is a criminal just as the Feds found him. He gives OC it’s bad rap. He’s a big loser and he knows it. Hes nothing but a common criminal who was in the memorabilia business since day one….remember “Field of Dreams Jimbo” ? So sad you are now the laughing stock of the American public…right where you belong. You’re just another train wreck waiting to happen … can’t wait to watch brother …..I feel sorry for his bimbo wife….No Clue!!!!!

This guy “donated” a Babe Ruth ball to a charity auction and received a base price with the “excess” going to the charity. This happened AFTER he was convicted. The gentleman that purchased the ball for over $1000 had it authenticated, and it was deemed 100% FAKE. Sounds like a possible “parole violation”?

sources TMZ , OC Register, Realitytea, USMagazine, and Deathby1000papercuts.

I know I talk a lot of shit about this ho’. But I am glad that her children are okay. Seriously. I would not wish the loss of a child on anyone that is a parents worst nightmare. But her and Jimblob need to learn to be humble and grateful to the lifeguards that helped them. Hopefully somewhere in her tiny brain one of her braincells lights up and she realizes that she has to pay attention to her children. But the way her and Jimbo act like they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions and be grateful their kids are fine I doubt it. And that is very sad.

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Reunion Of The Orange Bitches Parts 1 And 2

admin — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 05:09:36 +0000

I had a lot to say about these ridiculous Bitches this reunion was very long just like the last season which took like what, 6 years?

Part 1

Gretchen wore a tired ass dress she worn before . The first portion of the reunion mostly focused on Tamra and Simon’s turbulent relationship. They show clips of Tamra bickering with Simon’s and Vicki saying that Simon is a controlling asshole they kept showing all the drama between Simon and Tamra including the night he got into it with Vicki and of course the part where Tamra tells her momma that she is heading towards divorce. And of course the last fugly fight of them in the limo; where Tamra wanted to push Simon out while the vehicle was moving. Alexis may wanna pay attention to this. Take notes Duck lips this may be you in 5 years.

Andy asked Tamra about the limo ride and Tamra tells him there was so much more than that. Tamra says that all the hate fighting started when they were at home and she felt bad for the camera men, who had to witness all of this first hand and she could tell the camera men where feeling uncomfortable filming. The camera men were probably thinking Simon was gonna beat her ass and they were gonna have to jump in or call the cops.

Tamra talks about how her breaking point was during New Years Eve when she went out with Simon and some friends. When suddenly Simon got mad at her about something stupid, that she don’t even remember what it was and his hostile anger came out. Some rumor was going around Facebook a while back that Simon smacked Tamra at this event and that a relative of hers had posted this on FB. Another blogger commented on this also but again this is just a rumor I am not confirming this.

If asshole Simon was abusing her to that level then good for her for leaving his psyco ass .That poor Bitch you can tell Simon was driving her nuts and watch Alexis face she has this look on her face while Tamra is talking like she can relate. It was her posture and mannerism when she is listening to Tamra I can’t explain it . It’s the vibe Alexis gives out like she can totally relate.

I am glad that Andy said the way Simon controls Tamra is a form of abuse; hopefully that stupid Alexis was listening because no woman deserves that type of treatment from a man, even Duck Lips. Pay attention Bitch!

Right away after that Andy puts the spot on Alexis and asks her about her marriage to Jimbo and it’s similarities to Tamra and Simons marriage.

Alexis stated that at first she thought their marriages where similar but then denies that Jimbo is controlling and says that him and her just banter on each other. Bitch please, that’s not banter. Bitch tries to pee on your leg and tell you its raining. Or you would of not let him tell you to lower your voice at the restaurant and you wanted to cry. But whatevs!

Tamra starts taking blame and says that she saw the change in Simon start 5 years ago. Gee I wonder if that’s when she let the Bravo cameras in her home. Tamra blames her marriage problems on the fact she got preggers with the last baby Sophia; and says that if she would of not gotten knocked up she would of left Simon’s controlling ass a long time ago. Wow! I hope that little girl don’t watch this episode when she gets older. Tamra should of really at least kept that one to herself.

We also saw more display of Tamra having her famous fake ass Novela cries with no tears. Bitch really reminds me of the Bitches on the Spanish Telenovelas my Latin momma used to watch . It was funny, you could tell those bitches were not crying at all and they were regularly really bad cheesey actresses, sometimes it looked as if those bitches wanted to start laughing when they were pretending they were crying and many of them had brown eyes and brown roots showing on their fake ass bleached hair.Tamra reminds me of those bitches so much! Watch sometimes when she cries and puts her hands on her face it looks as if she is laughing covering her face.

Maybe when they inject her eyes with embalming fluid that shit freezes her tear ducts so she cant cry tears anymore. And why is that Bitch wearing a circus tent?.She is never gonna find a rich douche bag like when Lauri found George if she is wearing shit like that.

They also showed a clip that was supposedly filmed after the end of the season where Tamra moved into her own mobile home and it so happens that while the cameras where there she was also served the divorce papers. What perfect scripting timing by Bravo!

After Tamra was served she jumped on the table and danced around saying ‘I’m a free Bitch!’

Andy brings up the accusation Gretchen threw at Tamra about her divorce being a publicity stunt and Tamra got pissed off and told that Bitch she was simply defending herself from Simon for accusing her of being a cheating ho’. Gretchen was high as a kite and had a weak comeback to Tamra saying some stupid shit about her being on 2 page spread on magazines and shit.

Gretchen then says to Tamra ‘For me I felt it was a publicity stunt because there was so much talking to the press’ You can see the moment when Gretchen realizes that taking Slimey’s advice of accusing Bitches of lame ass publicity stunt divorces just causes her to put her foot in her mouth.

More fake crying. Andy grills Tamra on the cheating accusations by Simon and Tamra says it’s because she was talking to an ex-boyfriend on the phone that contacted her after he saw her on the show. Andy then asks Gretchen if she thinks that Tamra got her Karma for last season accusing Gretchen for being a cheating ho’ when it’s possible Tamra was a cheating ho’ all along.

Gretchen gives some lame answer saying ‘It’s not about Karma …Karma to me is wishing ill on someone… ,’ What happen? What’s Karma? Duh?!Pendeja! Even dumb ass Lynne knows the definition of Karma. Damn this Bitch not only looks tore up, used up and sucked up this season; but also lost ass loads of brain cells necessary to store useful information . Meth is a hell of a drug!

All the Bitches laughed at Gretchen. Damn she looked stupid.

Lynne tries to say that her face transplant was more of a business decision since she is a designer of 99 cent plastic cuffs she makes with a glue gun. Lynne also tried to fool everybody into believing that Frank is not a con artist who swindle money out of people and that she is a tought strict parent and then fucks it up by saying that Alexa called her a Bitch because she is one. She forgot to ad Dumb before Bitch.

While Lynne kept desperatedly trying to convince everybody of these drug induced delusions, Vicki kept laughing at her, because she knows Lynne is full of dog shit. Lynne was also grilled for not grounding Alexa and said you can’t hit your children anymore. Tamra and the other ho’s told her everyone still does that shit but your not supposed to tell anybody. DUH!

Alexis got confronted on her transformation from ‘buttaface’ to ‘bigger buttaface’. She admits she’s had plastic spare parts inserted in her face including her famous circus church porn size boobies and daily formaldehyde injections in her mug to help her look young, but it looks like that shit don’t work. Pobrecita!

She forgot to mention that one time, when they did that operation to chop off her dick. Bitch also announced she is getting her bird honker fixed. She must of read all the blogs and the commenter’s making fun of her Gonzo nose. Andy also asked her what the deal is with her saying she is super Christian but is also absolutely vain and watch that Bitch stutter because she don’t even know how to answer that one.

Andy also brought up the fact that those Bitches don’t want to eat because they don’t want to shit. Gretchen don’t have that problem because she just needs a couple lines of meth to keep those pounds off.

Stupid Alexis tries to say that 60% of how you look is what you eat and blah blah blah. Doesn’t matter what she eats or what pig shit she injects in her bubble lips in order to keep hot and keep Jimbo; since he will leave her anyways either by finding a younger hotter blonde and dumping her skanky ass or when the feds finally arrest his ass for his shady binezz and he gets a new wife in prison , when either of these eventualities take place this Bitch better hope she can still be a Monet and hop on the pole.

Lynne says she thinks she looks fat. She doesn’t look fat just pregnant, I think the baby is gonna be a California Pale Ale! HA HA HA!

Then Andy went on to fuck with Alexis and told her that her man is a chauvinistic pig they show all the nauseating clips of Jimbo bossing her around like a dumb Bitch including the very popular seven carats episode and the lower your voice you’re talking too loud you stupid bitch episode but the Bitch just glazed over it and tried to lie about it saying some stupid shit about how they just banter at each other.

They showed the clip where Vicki calls Jimbo a ’smelly dork!’and tranny ass was shooting her the Evil Eye. Vicki then starts getting all nervous and says ‘I don’t remember saying that?’ , Then she says some bogus shit about how she would never call anyone that and that maybe she was referring to her own shoes!

Bitch was shaking and stuttering her words like a 5 yr old trying to lie! BITCH PLEASE! Don’t these ho’s remember they are talking to a camera and everybody is gonna see this shit later? . Besides that asshole is a smelly ass fucking dork. He smells like striper raunchy ass and Cuban cigars . No one is buying their church act.

Vicki should of just admited she was calling that fucktard a ’smelly dork’, and left it at that. But maybe Vicki is afraid to offend that asshole with all the ilegal shady binezz he runs maybe she is afraid he may send hired thugs to her house. I wouldn’t put it past that ’smelly dork’.I’m disappointed in Hurricane Vicki.

She should of use those Hurricane powers on that fucktard and not let him scare her. I know the Bitch can take him and she can also take tranny ass Alexis I know Alexis used to have a dick but Vicki can take her too. I have faith in the power of the Hurricane that Bitch is crazy.

Did ya’ all see how Gretchen was defending Jimbo and saying he is not controlling of Alexis? Bitch just trying to move in on him while he has money since she’s running out of hers.

They also brought up the Devil wanting to hump big scary teeties and Alexis was getting excited. Alexis thinks God talks to her and she also says God is okay with her going under the knife she also admits people in her church are praying and fasting for her stupid ass .Those church people shouldn’t waste their prayer and fasting on this stupid ho’ and her husband because she is already letting the Devil hump her Circus teetie’s his name is Jimbo. So it’s too late for her.

Bitch complains about how everybody is mean to her on the show and that’s why those church folk pray for her and Vicki and Tamra pretty much tell her to get off the show if she feels she is being beat up because it is an ‘elective project”. No shit no one put a gun to this ho’s head so if she don’t like the beatings she just shouldn’t be on the show. Dumb Bitch! But, then again she is fun to clown on because she is such an easy ridiculous target.

Part 2

After Andy calls Lynne a stoner. I like how Andy says ’stoner!’. Lynne tries to lie and says she is not a stoner so Andy asks the other Bitches if they believe her. Did ya’ all see Lynne’s face nodding at Vicki and Tamra to say that they believe her stupid ass when we all can tell that ho’ is either baked, or popping pills plus drunk all the time.Lynne finally admitted she is a stoner.

Vicki tries to lie and say some shit like ‘I don’t know, you don’t seem like you would be a pot head or anything!’andTamra laughs her ass off chocking on her cheap bitch wine. I Knew it! They even show that episode where Duck lips had the chef come over to teach them how to make that dish that was rolled like a joint and Lynne’s comes out the tightest. Yeap the Bitch knows how to roll a mean joint!

They also showed Vickis wedding to Donn and all the bullshit about taking the high road and all those bitches are fucked up.

Then the classless trash comment that Vicki made on Alexis came up and Alexis was rambling her mouth bitching at Vicki for making that comment. Why does Alexi’s lick-smack her lips like she was coked out when she was rambling her platypus mouth? Alexis lips are so inflated they smack against each other like 2 flabby butt cheeks farting when she tries to talk .

Tamra and Vicki try to explain to Alexis that when she walks in the room she has an air of confidence to her. I think those Bitches got it confused with arrogance. Confidence is one thing and arrogance is another and that tranny Alexis is an arrogant bitch that acts like her shit taste like vanilla.

Tamra says that Vicki wanted everything to be dreamy this season and it got fucked up because Vicki wasn’t herself this season. Tamra then points to Alexis and says that Vicki should of head butted Alexis a long time ago and none of this ugly shit would of happened. I agree. And I also miss the old Vicki. Bring Hurricane Vicki back.

They also show all the clips with these broke ass bitches and their financial problems. We see Tamra and Simon getting ready for the trailer park because the house they built with credit cards got blown by the winds of the bad economy when Simon lost his job, we see Lynne and Frank getting evicted and becoming homeless because they’re con artist, we also see Gretchen and Slimey having a yard sale, but wait that Bitch ain’t suffering from no economy bullshit, she has a meth habit and she is running through the 2.5 millions that her sugar daddy left her so she had to have a yard sale.

She probably sold Jeff’s ashes by accident when she had the yard sale ’cause she was getting rid of all of Jeff’s shit that day anyways. Alexis looks worried but not because she has christian compassion for the broke ho’s but because she knows that if Jimbo gets busted by the feds and goes to prison she is next at the OC soup kitchen. The only one without those problems is Hurricane Vicki. But then again when she made that pact with the Devil he promised her she was never going to be broke. EVER!

Vicki pissed off Andy when she kept saying she works and she has a 7am till 8pm at night job. Andy said to her ‘ I GET IT!’. AWWWRRGH! I gotta say I have a 9 till 5 job too and I rather have an alternative job. Seriously! Vicki loves working. She loves it! She is a fucking work masochist, Bitch is crazy.

I do agree with Vicki when she tells Tamra that when youre in a ‘financial situation’ you have to go get a job,Tamra just sits there feeling all offended and says ‘How do you know I’m in a financial situation?’Bitch please! Everyone and their momma knows you’re in a financial situation when they saw you’re ass digging in the trash for cans!. Vicki also admits she likes money! What a Bitch!. Well me too! Amen sista! Tamra tells Andy she’s stripping. Bitch please! You’re giving $5 dollar bad economy hand job specials, to winos who pay you with their can money, sometimes with cans!

Then some boring shit with Jeana telling the Bitches she is plotting her revenge and will kill them all in their sleep. She also told Tamra to go back to Simon. I guess Jeana has battered woman syndrome from being married to her ex and probably still lives with him, so she thinks Simon’s abuse is normal. It’s funny how Tamra mentions that she never said anything bad about Simon being a horrible person. Sure Tamra!

Tamra told Jeana her mom’s pissed because Jeana insinuated Tamra is ‘white trash’.Then Jeana says to Tamra ‘are you?’ while Tamra was going ‘yeah, yeah,’ Jeana laughs and says I knew it! But we all knew that! Tamra’s mom’s just mad because she knows it’s true! See how Tamra unconciously admitted it? All the other ho’s laughed.

Gretchen laughs all loud at Tamra she sounded like a horse and her face looks like it’s 6 feet long! Damn that Bitch was high! Then Jeana and Vicki gang up on Tamra and laugh at her Tamra calls her a cow! ’cause she is! Then Andy kicked Jeana out because he had enough of her.

We also learned that Jimbo still thinks that a bikini and lingerie are 2 different things.

Why is Jimbo wearing a suit that a fucktard that hangs around strip clubs recruiting prostitutes would wear? Seriously does this queeve really think he looks suave in this getup? Stupid Alexis tried to lie and say that Jimbo changed his first number 2 poopie diaper of course she says it right after Jimbo doesn’t want to own up to the fact that he is a controlling moron and hasn’t learned ANYTHING! from this show.

And Frank looks like he went to the beauty school to get his haircut and some newbie fucked up his hair.

Andy asks Donn why he didn’t come to Vicki’s defense when Simon was talking shit about her but he didnt give it a straight answer. I still think Donn seems like a nice guy but I think he should of stuck up for his wife when she needed him to, if ya’ all notice when all the men where arguing with Vicki and she felt attacked she looks at Donn and wispers ‘help’.She shoulnd’t even have to do that, he should attact on instinct.

Frank admits he ’screwed up’ and that he is not perfect but he wants to stay married to Lynne because he is a germaphobe. Thats a good thing! Frank also tells Andy that he is not a grifter! He also says that’s bullshit because if he had something to hide he would not be on national TV. Nah! I think he wouldn’t be on national TV the reason he is it’s only because of his wife Lynne who suffers from Attention Whore Personality Disorder and she needed to be on TV so desperately and put their business out there; which is probably why Alexa doesn’t even go to public school because she was embarrassed to show her face there. Yep, they’re grifters!

The best part of this whole shit fest was when Andy caught that shit head Slimey lying. Slimeballs was so high, his eyes were jumping out of his head his puplis where dialated and he was shaky. Yeap he’s methed out. He is so shady. When his parents named him where they thinking …lets name this kid the biggest douche bag name we can think of. SERIOUSLY! Did they want Slimey to become so,… Slimey? Andy asks Slimey from one of his selected emails from viewers if he is an opportunist and a media whore? Slimey is not even a good liar and tells Andy he had no desire to be on the show. Watch Tamra crack up. She peed herself laughing.

Then Gretchen says that Slimey didn’t want to be on the show but that the Bravo powers that be told her that Slimey had to be on the show because it is about what is going on in Gretchen’s life. So wait a minute? Last year when Jay was banging her and all the other Sancho’s on the side that were banging her ; while she was playing the role of the caring Mother Teresa /Hot fiancee caregiver to Jeff why didn’t they show that? They should of shown when she was having the door man install that revolving door she had so all of her Sancho’s could come in an out of Jeff’s house and they should of also filmed her steamy affair with Jay. I thought it was about what’s really going on in her life and at that time that was the shit fest that was going on.

Then stupid ass Slimey totally puts the foot in his big mouth when he mentions how his relationship with Gretchen started right after the end of season 2 which was right after Jeff died. Yeap. Andy busted him. Then stupid Slimey goes back and tries to change it, aww noo it was 7 months later, yeah after he just totally got busted you can see Slimey starting to sweat and he has this look on his face like oh shit, I just got busted!. If he wants to lie he needs to keep his fucking lies straight.

I guess him and Gretchen remember to rehearse the lie about him not wanting to be on the show but they forgot to rehearse the lie about how him and her started humping. I loved it how Andy then hit him with a baseball bat on the face and says‘there was not 7 months between the time of the reuning show and shooting this season’ And that stupid bimbo Gretchen makes this dumb ‘huh?’ look on her face yeah Bitch play dumb you and your boy toy just got busted! Good job Andy! Fucking Tamra and Vicki where cracking up laughing. Tamra was happy.

Stupid Slimey tries to rebutte with a lame comeback about how it was his decision to not be in the Housewives when Jo quit the show, Andy says something about how there was no place for Slimeball on the show since Jo was no longer a housewife, then Andy pretty much said what did you think you were a housewife and you could stay on the show after Jo was no longer a housewife. Fucktard what a lame comeback.

Then Andy moved on. You could tell he knew he wan that one. Slimey pissed him off. I am glad he put him in his place. But then there was more. You could tell Gretchen felt embarrased and stupid because she knew her and her VD infested boyfriend got busted for being liars and she was pissed about it too. I bet her and Slimey got into a big fight with each other after this reunion aired because of this shit .

Andy kept fucking with Slimeball he then pulls out another viewer email where Slimey is asked why he trying to manage Gretchen even thought he managed Jo’s no talent music career to the ground and now the bitch has to work as a bar-wench/prostitute at a bar Andy asks Slimey if he is gona do the same shit to Gretchen. We also found out that since it wasn’t enough that Gretchen is now dating Jo’s sloppy seconds she also had to go and buy Jo’s music, I bet Jo dind’t even know about this shit until this episode aired and now she is plotting to murder Gretchen.

Of course his Slimey ass will continue to deny it and fail at convincing Andy and the many viewers watching who can see through his bullshit,specially the bullshit part where he denies having butt sex with scary ass wax mummy Laurie who looks like she was dugged out of a coffin. Stupid Slimey I bet he was benge drinking when he was doing her.

When Andy loses his patience with Slimey and straight up asks him if he banged Laurie ‘you never had sex?’ And the mother fucker was like ‘wha? what’s that?’ BUSTED! AGAIN! However, I believe Slimey. I believe he never dated Laurie‘officially’ just like he said they never went out to dinner or dated she was just a bootie call since he can’t call porking her at the public restroom at the bowling alley dating ; or going to dinner is having her give him a blowjob in the back alley of the porn store.

So he was trying to be honest, I guess. We also learned Laurie is a weirdoe. But wait we knew that she beats Jill Zarin on being crazy and holding on to text messages she got from Slimey from a couple years ago. She still infatuated with him. Vicki said that Slimey was threatening Laurie when Laurie started dating George and Gretchen just laughs all loud like a hyena her big ass front buck teeth stick out makes me want to give her horse face a carrot or a sugar cube.

Stupid ass Jimbo sticks up for Slimey and we found out the Pope in the Vatican asked Vicki wtf is up with that douche bag Slade Slimey? He’s gross!. See even the Pope can’t stand that punk.

Tamra also says he’s a douche and he’s gross and Andy asks Slimeball if he would date Tamra now that she is single. Gross! Even horse face’s mother said she don’t like Slimeball for her daughter because he is a creep. Then Gretchen and Slimey hint that they getting married perhaps in the future.

Then of course we had to see the blow out between Vicki and the men. Andy brought up the whole trip to Florida ordeal. Andy asks Jimbo why the fuck he don’t let Alexis travel on her own. And Jimballs says some stupid shit about how they’ve seen it on this show how when the women travel there is a temptation and the women behave inapropiately .

So wait a minute if he thinks his wife is a monkey and can’t behave while he is not there to supervise her and the show ads to the temptation then WHY THE FUCK IS SHE DOING THIS SHOW THEN? Dumb Ass!

Tamra then tells us of the many temptations that are everywhere and how her smooth ass would act on her temptations while she supposedly went to the supermarket. Or at least that’s what she told Simon.

Slimey wants to pork Vicki next because he calls her Ficki . Vicki tells Slimey he is just as bad as a gossipi woman because he likes to pick fights with women while all the other men do not. Vicki also tells his ass to go on the ‘House Husbands Show’ and Slimey says he would but he was not invited.

Vicki pointed out how Slimey whores Gretchen out to the press because he always calls the paps. Of course Gretchen and Slimey flat out deny it. Vicki then says, Bitch please! Reality TV tools are not people the paps are going to follow around you called them.

Vicki then gets into it with Slimey and then of course Jimbo jumps in and starts to beat on Vicki because he says that Vicki talks about him and Duck Lips then Duck Lips jumps in and starts rambling on about how Vicki said mean things about them and since Duck Lips and Jimblob kept on pouncing on Vicki she decided to get up because she didnt want to do it anymore .

Of course she had to remind Donn to help her because Donn doesn’t even jump in throwing punches when he sees other people beating on Vicki’s ass. What the fuck’s wrong with him?

Since that Bitch Alexis is so perfect she points at Vicki from her high horse and tells her to ‘Be accountable and learn a lesson!’. Alexis doesn’t need to learn any lessons even if airing her life on this TV show backfires on her linebacker tranny ass. Oh wait it’s already starting to backfire; but there is no lesson there to be learned because Miss Church Whore is perfect.

Donn did finally jump in and finally told that tranny ass duck lipped ho’ her fucking story was long and boring. And Alexis said she felt that Vicki deserved to cry. Then Tamra decided she wanted to jump in for Vicki (since Simon is not there no more telling her to hate on Vicki) and so she goes to sleep a la Vicki and Donn style.

The Vickster did hint that she may be leaving the show because she says that the last 2 seasons have been hell for her and that these Bitches all ganged up on her this season and she would never EVER gang up on any one like they did to her this time at that moment look at Tamra’s face she has the WTF? look and so does Gretchen, because we all know how she would gang up on Gretchen and Lynne when they first came on specially at the race tracts . This season Vicki paid her Karmic debts and the collector of those debts was someone 1000 times even more repulsive and obnoxious than Vicki and her name is Alexis Bellino!

Here is some behind the scenes video of Vicki telling Andy he’s being mean to her.

Embarrassing! Gretchen Rossi Gets Slapped With Court Papers At A Fashion Show In Front Of Everybody And Their Momma!

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:11:56 +0000

Remember a little while ago when Gretchen was sued by Jay Photoglou and was told by the judge to pay Jay 18k. It turns out Gretchen Rossi still has not paid shit. So the judge ordered her back to court for and Appearance of Examination of Judment Debtor. Apparently it was difficult to serve her but some savvy process server that watches the Housewives knew exactly where to find this famewhore and she was served right in the middle of a Fashion Show ! How embarrassing is that? Jay has also stated that previously, Slimey someone from her home called the police on the person serving her the court documents. Knowing that narcissistic Bitch, I bet when the process server gave her the court papers at the Fashion Show the Bitch probably thought it was a fan wanting her autograph.

And what’s up with that picture why is she sucking in her lips? Is she smiling or was she trying to smile and then couldn’t because her meth mouth sucked her lips inside her face?

Here is the original article from Radaronline:

Photoglou filed a lawsuit against the blonde beauty for libel, slander and five other counts on January 29. The lawsuit further claims that Rossi was “intimately involved with Photoglou the entire time the show filmed Rossi’s first season,” and charges her with hurting his reputation by calling him a liar, a drunk and a thief.

Rossi has also been busy in court against Jay and obtained a temporary restraining order against him at one point. But she didn’t show up for a court date and a judge awarded Jay in excess of $18,000. He is going back to court on the same case and needed to serve her with papers for that.

Rossi proved elusive but when she was at a BeBe fashion show at The Grove a process server got her.

The feud between Rossi and Photoglou originated when Rossi denied having a romantic relationship with him. Jay says they began dating in 2008 and were known as a couple, vacationing with each other’s families.

Call Me Truck Driver Tits And Let’s Fix Moma’s Chankla Face Because She Is Hotter Than Me / Plus End Of Summer Poop Splat!

admin — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:30:31 +0000

It’s Sunday afternoon and Vicki is already making margaritas, of course Vicki been drinking since 9:33 am. It seems that these Bitches have to be drunk all the damn time. Vicki asked Jeanna to come over and comfort her after all the shit the other ho’s put her throught and cries to Jeanna about how Alexis has not been cool Jeana asks ‘really’ with a big fat smile on her face like she is all happy about it and says that Vicki deserved it and had it coming because she was such a bitch last season to Gretchen and Lynne at the racetrack .

Vicki is now kissing Jeana’s ass because she realizes Jeana had her back at one point. Vicki tells Jeana that at the end of the day they have each others back and blah blah blah. Jeana agrees but then laughs and says ‘I ain’t got that Bitches back!’ watch Jeana slurping on her margarita she wanted to laugh at Vicki’s face and says ‘fucking bitch she deserves it!’.

They show a clip of Alexi’s horse face yelling and confronting Vicki.

Vicki says that she knows she bullies and embarrasses Jeana like for example when she told everyone Jeana tried to borrow money from her. This caused their friendship to get hurt but that it was nothing like what she experience with ‘these Bitches!’.

Alexis looks like a tranni that works the docs in that purple dress during her little introductory scene. By the way does anyone know what her tranni ass says during her opening line? It sounds like she says ‘ Am I holding nut sacks? of course I am. Look at me!’. Her inflated lips are so huge they flap when she talks making it hard to understand her.

Alexi’s mom is a very succesful dumpster diver at the trailer park she lives at. Yep, she paid for those wooden teeth from all her can collecting business and now she saved 13k for her eyebrow lift because Alexis told her she better fix that huarache face if she wants to continue being her mother. However, stupid Alexis still wonders what does her mom do all day if she is not primping herself and working out or getting needles with Anthrax injected in her forehead; Alexis doesn’t realize her mom has to work hard looking for those cans. Damn! We also saw pictures of Alexis when she was a little boy name Alex who didn’t like his hair smelling like air; all this before that sex change operation.

Alex used to dream of someday being a California blonde housewife with an old hairy greasy ogre of a husband who constantly humiliates her and berates her in public, but who also foots the 200k a year bill for the never ending supply of botox to keep her face from falling, and who keeps her clad in 7 carats while she incessantly works out paranoid her man will leave her for a younger hotter blonde and pukes all of her food at expensive restaurants to keep from gaining weight. Did ya’ all see when she took her mom to lunch she only took two bites of her food and then she was wondering why she wanted more bread its called being hungry bitch. But Alexis could not figure that one out even if they drew her a picture so she just nibbles on the bread asking herself why she wants more bread. Alexi’s mom is eyeballing the waiter and pinches his ass.

Here is Alexi’s mom in her younger days. she sure was a hottie. Just kidding! To be fair I really think Alexi’s mom looked better than Alexis except when she takes out her teeth. Her wooden teeth do look fake as hell.

Alexis drags her mother to her plastic surgeon. She actually has a plastic surgeon!. The mom is just there to get a eyebrow lift that Alexis has been pressuring her to get for many years until finally the mom decides to get it done . Alexis starts going into a spewage about the size of her huge scary freak show teeties she proudly informs her mom that her gigantic porn size twins have given her own twin daughters nightmares from the time she breastfeed until now.

It looks like Alexi’s mom already got some silicone inserted in her she has that old lady with a chankla face with giant teeties that don’t match her face look already down packed. Now she is going in to get that Joker-Face surprised eyebrow look to go with it; you know the type that doesn’t allow their faces to move anymore or show emotion.

The doctor starts rambling off a lists of shit they can do to her face to completely overhaul it. Alexis says good because her mom is plain and ugly. Since Alexis is so beautiful and glamorous an’ all.The doctor tells the mom that since she is so scary looking he can do a complete overhaul of her face he suggest the classic surprised Joker Face look he also suggest they inject embalming fluid in her eyelids and for the lips some whale fat and eventually doctor Frankestein suggest permanent chola eyeliner that he will tattoo himself and the doctor will also eventually tattoo permanent makeup on the mom just like he did Alexis .

Alexis makes all the plans and arrangements for her mom to come back and get all this other crap done to her face.

Alexis says that as soon as her toddlers go to kindergarten she will be dragging them to the plastic surgeons chair to see what they can do. You know since the Goddess in heaven didn’t make them perfect to begin with.

After all the eviction drama Lynne decided to break into her moms house and live rent free since it was all Franks fault they ended up at the homeless shelter. So Tamra decides to show up with some Bitch wine and find out more on Lynnes problems with her man, so she can talk shit to the other bitches about it. Lynne tells Tamra she is pissed off at Frank and doesn’t want to see him and she is dumping his broke ass. Tamra asks Lynne ‘does he cheat on you?’Lynne says ‘noo, he is a germaphobe he would never cheat on me!’ Tamra says she doesn’t understand that since Simon always cheats on her.

Lynne’s daughters like, are like having the munchies and eating hamburgers with nasty like ketchup and like discuss the humiliation of getting evicted on national like, on TV, like, VS all the other times that like, they got evicted and like now they have to like share a bong together like because that makes them become closer.

So like the whole thing could of being prevented if like the cameras weren’t there and like now everyone knows that like they are not like rich. . So like they will so get a like parent whisperer, they like can hire like Vicki so that like Vicki can like bitch smack them into like disciplining those like brats.Like what the fuck. So like Alexa and Raquel like decide to like move to LA so that like Alexa can go to college and like Raquel ‘ I don’t know what the hell you’re gonna do’ like she will like work as a like stripper. This is the glamorous apartment the girls can afford.

Very Glamorous and so not scary.

We also found out that Brianna did not have cancer thank Goddess!

Tamra had her 75th birthday and since this year Simon cannot afford any more 40 thousand dollar Rolex’s, like back in 2007 or an expensive tennis bracelet; and forget having a party on a yat this year she better be happy on the Gondola ride and I don’t mean in Venice Italy, I mean the Gondola ride that cost $12 bucks at the docs where the doc ho’s hang out. Simon is surprisingly being nice tonite he tells Tamra that he married her because she has a big mouth, and she is a crazy ho’. Tamra tells him that he needs to quit lying because he hates her big mouthand she had the same mouth when he married her that she has now.

Tamra proudly says that her nickname was ‘truckdriver tits!’ Back in the days when she worked at the puteria rathole, where Simon first layed eyes on her. Yep, Tamra reminices about the days when she was a young girl, and a single mother, and when her regular customers wanted to get her attention while she was sitting at the bar stool waiting for Jonhs they used to say ‘Hey Truckdriver Tits!’ and Tamra would turn. True story.

Tamra continues to desperately make Simon and Vicki friends, but Simon tells Tamra Vicki is evil and everyone has a good side even hitler. What a sicko! Simon also believes his marriage is similar to the I Love Lucy 50’s marriage, untill he gives her the boot and serves her with divorce papers in a few months.

Tamra still manage to throw a birthday party at some local eatery where they start serving drinks at 10 am so by 11am Tamra was naked wasted. Vicki of course could not make it even thought her office is 5 minutes away. But because Vicki has to ‘work’ instead of stoping by to drop off Tamra’s present she send her gay assistant to drop it off. Did ya’ all see him all exicted when he saw Tamra’s gay friend over at the birthday party. They remember each other from that one night stand. Tamra’s pissed Vicki could not show up to deliver the present which is a turd in the bag by the way.

Of course Lynne took Frank back, because she knows his broke ass adores her and having a man who is a germaphobe is a very good thing. So she takes him back besides she is the only woman that will take his punk ass back when he comes out of jail for ripping off those dumb ass people for 2.5 million that they blew through in 1 year.

Gretchen got all ready for her makeup line launch and her friend came over to do her werewolf eyebrows. That chick that does Gretchen’s eyebrows looks just like her. Now remember Vicki told Gretchen that she may not be making a wise decision investing her money into a makeup line that’s underdevelop and in this economy specially when Gretchens face looks like she being having too much nose candy and her complexion looks like caca.

I bet Gretchen and that partner of hers thought up this brillian idea of starting a make up line when they where on one of their meth benges ’I know lets open up a make up line well become millionaires well open it with the money Jeff left me and we will make millions and that will buy a lot of meth’.

Yeah, so Grechie thinks that 30 thousand people will show up to this event and she will become instantly successful because of who she is and the high profile star that she is on the housewives show. Only 5 people show up at the women’s expo 3 of them have no idea who Gretchen Rossi is one person recognizes Gretchen Rossi and ignores Gretchen when she says ‘ hello’ then walks away laughing because she can’t stand her on the show and thinks she is a joke so of course she dont buy anything either and the only customer they get is a poor girl who is high off her ass and Gretchen along with her partner end up jumping on that girl like vultures and presure her into spending money .

The girl ends up spending only like 10 dollars but she has no idea who Grechen Rossi is. So she don’t even care to take a picture with her. Wow and Gretchen only spend like 800k into that makeup line and made a sweet 10 bucks. While on one of the confessional interviews Gretchen looks tore up and sucked up from the meth benges and you can tell she feels stupid that her make up line was a busts and admits the economy is bad and people don’t want to spend money on bullshit makeup when they can’t even afford food. Before her makeup launch went in the toilet along with the 800k she invested in it, Gretchen did say her motto is either go big or go home. So I guess she better go home.

End of the Summer Poop Splat

Tamra gets ready to go to the end of summer poop splat while she’s already drinking and Simon is already being his controlling abusive self. Every dress Tamra shows him that she wants to wear is met by Simon’s criticisms. She pulls out one dress with the sexy low back and he tells her that looks like something a 20 year old stripper would wear, she pulls out another fabulously slutty dress and he tells her that something a tranny street walker would wear.

He acts very annoying and is driving her nuts Simon is not just controling but he also makes sure he is impossible to deal with wich makes Tamra drink more. Tamra finally finds a short dress that covers her chests but Simon tells her it show her legs . Tamra tells Simon she is not a troll either and should be able to wear something sexy and pretty. However Tamra is wearing the troll hairstyle tonite.

Tamra and Simon get picked up by their personal limo paid for by Bravo. The limo driver is a tall black man whom Tamra flirts with because she thinks he’s yummy. Simon tells her to quit that shit or he is gona bitch slap her. I knew it! While they are in the limo they get into a big ass fight again over Vicki. Simon continues with his obsession that it is Vickis fault that their marriage is falling apart.Simon tells Tamra he wants a wife who respects him and acts like she is married, he is saying this because he is pissed off at Tamra flirting with the limo driver .

Then Simon moves on to call Tamra a shitty mother and tells her she ditches her kids to go get hammered and hang out with Vicki, Tamra screams‘I’m with my kids everyday!.. well if you were working and making money we wouldn’t be fucked in this sit- position, you’re an asshole!… you know what you can go fuck yourself you fucking asshole You’re a nasty vile person,…you’re an asshole,… I want a divorce! fuck you!’ It’s obvious Simon cannot tolerate this woman and Tamra knows it; she is beyond frustrated.

All this time the poor limo driver had to hear this drama bullshit and I bet he felt uncomfortable as hell too because he knew the fight got fueled because of him when Tamra started flirting with him and it pissed Simon off. How fucked up how awkward that must of been for this poor limo driver who is just earning his money.

Gretchen also gets ready for her party she has the Little House Slut on The Prairie hair style. Slimey and Gretchen wear wedding cake dress up clothes. Gretchen wonders if her family will be there. But they ditch her because they are embarrased of her being with a loser.

When Simon and Tamra arrive at the party she is already crying Simon tells her to quit crying and tries to hug her of course he shows no emotion and is just talking to her because the cameras are there.

At the party Simon and Tamra each go their separate ways Simon is all pissed off and vile he starts shit with Donn and says ‘wow Vicki is leading Donn!’ because him and Vicki walk away from him Vicki says she doesn’t want any drama. A tough fairy Queen steps in and bitch smacks Simon and puts him in his place the Queen says to Simon ‘Don was leading Vicki away don’t be mad at Vicki’ Simon just backs down. Damn Right!

Gretchen and Slimey arrive and everyone pauses to look at their wedding cake clown suits. Of course Gretchen and Slimey want to keep believing everyone is laughing with them not at them. Keep thinking that! Laurie tells Gretchen that she is delusional if she thinks Slade is gonna marry her and be a good huusband. Gretchen tells Lauri to back off since Slimey told Gretchen that him and Laurie never dated. And Gretchen believed him. Dumb ho’ didn’t she follow the gossip of that wreckage and seen for herself. What an idiot!

Gretchen tells Laurie that Slimey would never sleep with such a scary bitch that looks like the twin sister of the crypt keeper because Slimey is ’such a catch!’and she’s gonna marry him.Laurie laughs at Gretchen and tells her that she did more than just date him she also blew him, by the trash can, at the alley behind the 7 eleven a few times and also let him bang her from behind inside the 76 gas station restroom. For some reason Slimey always wanted Laurie to wear a paper bag on her head whenever they had sex. Gretchen decides to plug her ears and starts yelling ‘LA,LA, LA, LA!’.

Lynne, Frank and their 2 pole dancing hoochies in training show up plastered. Slimey made sure he informed Frank his girls were drunk and everyone heard him since he is the parent of the year voice of morality. Lynne pretended she had no idea there was booze in the limo and the girls got into the booze. This Bitch never has no idea what the fuck is going on with her kids, what else is new.

The rest of the night focuses on Tamra crying over Simon being an ass and she tells Vicki she is scared of Simon and of pissing him off because he may beat her ass. Simon eventually walks out and leaves Tamra at the party.

Jimbo invites Frank and Lynne to church and Frank asks Jimbo if they have dougnuts there because he will have the crazy munchies since the only way he will go to church is if he is stoned because that is the only way the sermon will make sense to him.

Alexa is drunk off her underage ass and fights with Raquel who also leaves her because she is always over it. Kara takes the roll of big sister and conforts Alexa who is bipolar, and changes her mood and stops the waterworks, the minute Kara tells Alexa she knows of a cute boy who attended the party and if she would like to meet him.

In the end we all learn what we all knew was gonna happen. Lynne and Frank had to move to the trailer park and sell cuffs at the swap meet so Lynne hired Frank . Alexis got a job as a plastic surgery tranni consultant and Jimbo let her ! It’s a miracle. Vicki is still bossing Don around and even thought Tamra said the last thing she wanted was be 42 on welfare living at the Sunnyvale trailer park next to Lynne that’s exactly what happened since she and Simon separated and he gave her the boot to the ass with some divorce papers. Gretchen and Slimey are still losers.

Be Afraid Be Very Afraid Of Your Demon Offspring They Make Your Face Transplant Fall Off!

admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:38:22 +0000

Gretchen is finally fulfilling her life dream of joining an outlaw biker gang. She gets ready to ride her bike puts on her Barbie pink scarf, gets her helmet on pulls out a lists from her pocket that reads:

Things I want to do before I die:

1. Get plastic surgery to get rid of the ugly.

2. Become bulimic and lose the weight. Work out frantically.

3.Get engaged to an old millionaire who is about to kick the bucket, and sleep with other men while supposedly taking care of him.

4.Join a trashy reality TV show and make all the other Bitches on it jealous.

5. Get money from dying fiancee.

6.Get a Harley as a gift from millionaire fiancee.

7. Date a douchebag.

8. Pick up a meth habit to stay skinny.

9. Join an outlaw biker gang.

10. Sleep with as many bikers as possible.

11. Catch crabs from as many bikers as possible.

12.Give crabs to as many bikers as possible.

13. Blow all the money inherited from dead millionaire fiance on blow, hookers and the douchebag.

14.Back to square one.

Gretchen is checking off each item according to what she is currently accomplishing, and joining the biker gang was in there and so was making Tamra kill herself from jealousy because Gretchen got the pink Harley that Tamra always wanted since she was a little girl at the trailer park.

Gretchen says that Tamra can ‘SUCK IT!’. Since Gretchen is doing what she said that she was gonna do and Tamra shit herself in jealousy when she saw Gretchen getting that pink Harley. Gretchen says ‘where is your bike Bitch?!’ Since it is clear that Tamra Sue can’t afford a Harley, even thought she says she could get one if she wanted to, but we all know that is boollshit.

Gretchen offers Tamra a job as her Bitch and says that Tamra can ride in the back of her bike and Gretchen is gonna wear a jacket that says ‘If you can read this the Bitch fell off’ Just in case Tamra falls off during one of the sharp turns.

Yes, Gretchen has goals, big goals! That’s why she is loved!

Tamra and Simon hate each other and their children know that. It is a tough morning at the Barney cookie cuter mini palace that is about to get repossessed by the bank. Tamra asks her little son if he wants something to eat then she says that she didn’t eat anything before she went to bed the night before. Her little son Spencer says ’neither did I get used to it’ Since he hears all the grown up conversations, he tells his mom that in a minute here they gonna be on food stamps and that they gonna have to make that $ 300.00 a month in food stamps last for the whole month. That baby is mouthing off early, getting ready for puberty. Tamra expresses that she wants to work things out with Simon, just in case she can’t find another sugar daddy with at least a job. Little does she know he is dumping her ass.

It was cute when Tamra asks Simon if he is going to follow the kids after they hoped on their little bikes to go to school, at that brief moment Tamra and Simon where mom and dad and were actually getting along. Too bad for those kids, Simon and Tamra’s crazy asses could not work things out.

Meanwhile Lynne’s daughter Little Ho’ in Training Alexa is hanging out with her friends still doing whatever she wants and whinning that her mom is too hard on her. What a whinney little shit!

Lynne sniffed too much glue and popped too many shrooms and ate too many hashbrownies her brain is like mush and she still can’t figure out how to ground Alexa even thought Alexa has given her instructions on how to ground her she even bought her a book but Lynne still doens’t get it.

I guess maybe it is because Lynne doesn’t know how to read so she can’t read the book Alexa got her, on how to ground a teenager, that is the reason Bravo won’t give Lynne a blog either. They even gave the other dumb house ho’s one. Even Kim Zolciak and Alexis Bellino have a Bravo blog and those Bitches are dumb, but they can still write something at least. Even thought Alexis blog has to pass her master’s Jimbo’s approval and he proofreads it for her, she still gets to write something it. If she writes something that Jimbo considers wrong he will usually back hand smack her in the mouth. That’s why her lips are plump then he makes her delete it and dictates her what she should write.

But poor Lynne when Bravo asked her to sign her contract that of course she dind’t read, she signed it with an ‘X’ and they realized she was iliterate so the producers said, don’t give that Bitch a blog.

Since Lynne is clueless about how to approach her daughter Alexa instead of just grounding her for acting like an ass and not understanding when she is grounded, she takes her shopping. I guess Lynne thinks that grounding a girl is taking her to the mall shopping instead of taking her home and having a parent to child talk and give her chores to do or grounding her from the phone because of the bullshit she likes to pull.

How come Lynne looks like a shrinking 80 year old lady when she is driving that 95 Beemer? She is all sitting forward with her back hunched over like Mr. Burns from the Simpson’s.

Alexa complains that her parents don’t ground her and that instead of just yelling at her they should really do something. You mean like beat her ass? Then Alexa bitched her mom Lynne out for turning her to the Youthologist Vanessa who is really some other woman who is burly older than Alexa and Alexa asks Lynne what is this woman supposed to know about raising a teenager? Lynne doesn’t even know what to say to Alexa and just takes her in the mall . Alexa wants her mom to do her job as a mom and wants her mom to ground her? Yeap.

Alexa stars crying, because instead of taking her shopping Lynne starts talking to Alexa about being respectful to her. At that same moment when Alexa started crying like a bratty little shit Lynne should of dragged Alexa out of the mall by her hair and said ‘fuck this! I am not buying you shit get in the car!’ then she should of taken her phone for a month and the situation would of ended there. But nooo!

While at the mall you can see how gradually Lynne’s brand new face starts to fall off because of the stress of talking to Alexa. Lynne is so afraid of Alexa.

The whole scene starts to turn very ugly when Alexa starts to use curse words at Lynne it all scalates to the point where Alexa calls Lynne a ‘Bitch’ and tells her she only cares about herself and her stupid cuffs and throws the cuff on the table, and also tell Lynne to kiss her ass . Lynne just sits there looking at Alexa in surprise and doesn’t know what to say to her.

Lynne just lets her freshly implanted face fall off and her old face came back. I could not believe that! If that was my kid she would really be calling me the ‘devil’ I would of made sure I gave her something to cry about. Lynne don’t know what to say to her teenage child who is disrespecting her in public at the South Coast Plaza on national TV in front of God and everybody at that! Lynne just sits there with a dumb look on her face like usual and stutters some lame ass shit that doesn’t make sense like ‘ g-girl the world is your stage’.

Alexa continues her tirade of disrespect towards Lynne , and walks away from Lynne. Stupid Lynne walks behind Alexa kissing her ass and not really doing anything like smacking that child across the face so that she could taste her own blood.

If my kid who is also a teenager pulled that bullshit stunt that Alexa pulled on Lynne, I would of smacked her so hard in front of the cameras she would of being farting teeth out of her butt. My kid tells me I am ruining her life when I ground her and take away her phone, not let her go out etc. Oh well, I always say to myself she’ll get over it. That’s what Lynne needs to do, she also needs to quit sniffing glue and eating magic mushrooms. Lynne should of waited for that bong hit until after she dealt with Alexa’s punk ass.

And now lets check in with the $2 dollar Circus Teetie Church Whore Alexis and her creepie master of puppet huusband Jimbo:

Alexis and her circus teeties is cooking hard boiled eggs for her lord a master Jimbo. She is very tired from watching the maid make the beds, and this heating up coffee in the microwave shit is tiring. Alexis asks Jimbo if she can have a cooking party for her and the other Bitches so that she can fullfill her dying wish of bringing Tamra and Gretchen back together again as friends and also so that they can each taste each others whatever… After dumb ass Alexis says ‘taste each other’s whatever’ Jimbo gets all excited and likes the idea of Alexis having a cooking party so that he can check out the other Bitches rack from the peeping hole he installed.

Alexis starts talking, then Jimbo shuts Alexis up and she apologizes for rambling on like a little chatter box. Jimbo tells her, ‘do you want my input or did you decide how it’s gonna go’ Bitch, then he smacked her around a couple of times and shouted ‘were my eggs at ho!’. He dictates to her exactly on what to do to get Tamra and Gretchen to be friends again, so that they can all end up going on vacation together this way he can tag along on the vacation and check out the other racks longer.

While Jimbo tells Alexis what to do she is attentively listening while nodding and drinking her coffee and all of that coffeee is driping on the sides of Alexis coffee mug, because her duck lips are too lose, that red stuff on her dirty coffee mug is not lipstick. It’s blood from when Jimbo smacks the shit out of her. It’s a hard job being a trophy wife.

Tamra admits her house is in short sale and cleans her garage to sell her house Simon fallls off the pogo stick. Boring!

Vicki and Donn go on date night diarrhea was dripping from the waitresess hair because a seagull decided to shit on the waitress. Vicki is screaming at the diarrhea on the poor waitress hair. The damn bird kept flying around shitting on that poor waitress hair. Now she will always be remembered as the diarrhea seagull waitress Vicki orders that waitress to go clean herself up ‘go wash your hair you’re a drooper’.

Donn helped the waitress. Vicki was horrified. That shit was funny that poor waitress is gonna have to wash her hair in the kitchen sink. Vicki and Donn make fun of the waitress what a fun night they’re having. After that whole thing Donn gave Vicki a gaudy pimp ring.Vicki says it’s almost six carats. Vicki takes off the ring and says ‘I don’t deserve this’ I’ll beat yo’ ass with it. The next night Vicki punched Donn in the eye with that ring. They’re so happy together. Happy bastards! God Bless them!

Gretchen says she didn’t get money from Jeff. You know that Bitch is lying because if she was broke Slade would not go out with her, well maybe for the ass because she is cute in a big head, bulimia sort of way. Although she is starting to get the Joker Face eyebrows going from the botox. Well maybe Gretchen is running out of the 2.5 million that she supposedly dind’t get.

Vicki her two grown children and her employees are having a meeting. Vicki says she dont like ho’s that spend all day at the gym sleep till 10 and not work or do shit just like oh,… Alexis and Tamra. Were Tamra is at; Alexis is going. Vicki bitches her kids into working, and gives them a seminar about how to manage your money, Michael and Brianna are smart asses to Hurricane Vicki and say they will just spend their money and blow it on bullshit. Brianna calls her mom a picker.

Well Hurricane Vicki is a crazy Bitch but her insanity serves a purpose. Vicki bustes her ass because blow, booze and male whores, costs money, Bitches! Those other Bitches need to learn Hurricane Vicki’s work ethic. Specially Lynne, because face lifts and smoking a pound of weed a week cost a lot of money and nobody is buying those bullshit cuffs.

Speaking of Lynne the Bitch is desperate and turns to her mom for help in dealing with her out of control teenage demon daughter Alexa. Lynne tells her mom she needs help. Lynne wants to pawn Alexa off on her mom.Lynne asks her mom if she could send Alexa to grandma boot camp. Grandma boot camp? That little shit needs real boot camp instead of fixing her chankla face, (which didn’t make much of a difference) Lynne should of used that money to pay her rent buy groceries and send Alexa to real boot camp. Lynne’s mom tells her to get off the glue now.

Jim is in charge of the kids haircut too he also tells everyone what to do at the haircutting place. Alexis says that Jimbo jr is just like his dad. That is very scary, you mean he is making more of him. These fuckers are creepy.

Vicki dind’t go to Alexis cooking get togeter because it was on a work day at 1pm. That’s why she is not in foreclosure.

Lynne showed up holding an open wine bottle, looking like a crack ho’ her hair was not even done she stunk of wine and was drunk off her ass. Wearing a very short mini and gogo boots ‘ho’ wife say what?’.

Alexis wants those bitches to get along so she gives all the drunken Bitches knifes. Then they all started sword fighting .Stupid Alexis is too stupid to cook she don’t know how to cook anyways. So she has to get 2 chefs to cook for her.

I think Lynne popped some acid too. The cooks thought those bitches where stupid and wanted to poison them. Did ya’ all see the cooks face , he wanted to laugh at stupid Tamra when she was trying to do a stripper move and take off her apron all sexy, then Alexis told her ‘don’t strangle yourself’.

They keep showing clips of Lynne getting more wasted sucking on booze. Lynne complains about the amount of butter being used on the food and says she will have to extra work out to get rid of the extra weigth! I am starting to think this ho’ is not on weed because that shit gives you the munchies and Lynne would not want that. Maybe that ho’ just sniffs glue like it’s going out of style. Because then she says all retarted like ‘ I still don’t know what we’re doing I wasn’t paying attention!’. Pendeja!

Alexis starts her shit about those 2 bitches becoming friends again. Tamra says she don’t like that Bitch starting her shit.But Tamra and Gretchen are too drunk, tired and over the whole Gretchen and Tamra dilemma, war bullshit just like everyone else is.

Lynne looks like shit and her old face came back after that Alexa fight.Then she tells the bitches her hubby is hung like a horse. That’s gross! I don’t want to know about that fucking shit drunk Bitch!

Gretchen brings up a touchy subject she knew would piss Lynne off and asks Lynne ‘how are your girls.. How is Alexa?’ Lynne’s look on her face should of warned her to stop right there; because that Bitch got pissed. Then Gretchen kept on pushing Lynne’s drunken irrational buttons.

Alexis realizes that trying to bring Tamra and Gretchen together as friends and being the ‘peacemaker’ and martyr,only backfired on her dumbass and now she feels stupid. Well, she better get used to feeling stupid she is on RHOC isn’t she?

Then Gretchen finally found Lynnes drunken Bitch button and pushed that shit when she told Lynne ‘Just because you pop a child out between your legs it doesn’t give you the…God right to know how to parent!’ this is where Lynne lost it. ‘Bullshit!!’ she screamed. And it all went to shit from then on. Then Lynne got an evil angry look I’ve never seen on that Bitch and she pointed at Gretchen while she sturder ‘fuck you!’ Now where was this angry Lynne when she was at the mall with Alexa? This ugly angry Lynne is the one that needed to be there at the mall, that Bitch can look scary. I bet if she went off on her daughter the way she went off on Gretchen and her kid saw the ugly scary face she had when yelling at Gretchen she would behave.I mean she already looks scary but the look she had on her face when she yelled at Gretchen was super scarier and fuglier than her usual dumb look, she could scare a child and give them nightmares for life!

Lynne yells at Gretchen more and calls her a big internet whore who has no right giving advice on a teenager. Alexis says that kids can be difficult because the nannies tell her about that kind of shit. Then Lynne cries and goes completely ape shit and whinnes about ‘trying to be a good mom’ yada, yada and some bullshit about ‘it’s hard living in Orange County when their friends are getting BMW’s for their birthday’ I guess Raquel’s used Beemer got repoed. This Bitch should just realize she can’t afford Orange County and move somewhere else than instead of keeping up with the Joneses. Or she can take Hurricane Vicki’s money management course to manage her Bravo paycheck. Then Lynne continues the whine and crying campaing some more and she says ‘be afraid, be very afraid!’ while sobbing. She tells Alexis to be afraid because her little angels will grow horns by the time they hit puberty. That’s why you got to take the bull by the horn before those horns get too long.

Hurricane Vicki Gets Married Gretchen Is A 40 Year Old Grannie

admin — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 05:37:33 +0000

We start with Vicki taking a walk with Donn and thanking him for not being a clingy controlling asshole that tells her what to do. Cough Cough Simon, Jimbo Cough Slimey. Then Vicki decided to pull a letter out of her ass, and reads a love poem /letter thanking Donn for not being a dick. Then she thanks him for bending over and dressing up like a cheerleader for her. Vicki continues to thank Donn for being a good huusband and letting Vicki have the penis.

Wow, I guess the presence of the other fucktard huusbands of the other ho’s made Hurricane Vicki realize what a good wooped huusband she has and how obedient he is compare to dipshits like Jimbo for example. Yep she realizes how good she has it. And so Vicki has finally realized that other men don’t want her crazy old ass and Donn is a pretty good catch for her to keep. So Vicki swooped Donn off his feet and is a few minutes they were in some Caribbean dream island were hurricane Vicki wrecked havock having conch and booze with Donn. Hurricane Vicki also molested her corciegne because he had a nice smile; and that’s the type of shit Hurricane Vicki likes to do when she is traveling coked out of her skull, in exotic islands where people have nice teeth.

We also saw Stepford wife Alexis playing bubbles with her kids and then she starts preaching some crazy spewage about how she has to go to church in her best hooker stilettos because she doesn’t want the devil to try and hump her.

Scary ass Jafar looking motherfucking Jimbo starts to preach all scary to the camera about how he hopes to someday start his own cult church and how he lays hands on his family every day to bless them and blah, blah, blah. Right after that Jimbo is yelling at his kids and barking orders at the nanny telling her to put the kids in time out. I feel sorry for his servants. Perfect Stepford wifey Alexis continues preaching about what a perfect wife and mother she is ’cause if she is NOT reverend Jimbo is gonna whoop her ass with his 10 pound bible.

Tamra asks her kids if they missed her and Simon while they were in Florida and the kids said they dind’t give a shit since they never see their parents too much since they keep hiring hobos to watch them while they are away being drunken, drama queens, at parties and the Housewife shows. Tamra asks her younger daughter if she wants to go somewhere with her and Simon and the little girl asks ‘who is gonna watch me?’because Tamra never takes her kids anywhere.That sux! Tamra starts begging her daughter to go somewhere with her and Simon and little Sophia says she don’t want to go anywhere with them. You know what. I am skipping over that shit too depressing!

Suddenly an evil beetle who was sent by Gretchen to assassinate Tamra appears out of nowhere and Tamra screams ‘holy mother of balls!’ Lucky for Tamra the beetle misses her. Tamra and Simon start to bitch and argue over Tamra’s friendship with Hurricane Vicki. Simon tells Tamra to lose that bitch if she wants to stay married to him. Tamra says that Simon and Vicki compete with each other to be the Alpha males. Maybe this is the infidelity Simon accused Tamra of. She was having an affair with Vicki! AH HA!

Tamra wants to make amends with Gretchen so that Tamra can beat her ass again. Simon tells Tamra he don’t want her hanging around that rat Gretchen and that he is tired of the trailer park style drama Tamra gets into. Then he asks Tamra how come after all these years, she is still acting and behaving the same way she did when Simon first met her and she lived at the trailer park .Back then Tamra was also getting into cat fights and drama with jealousy and gossip and stupid skanky bitches.

Simon just doesn’t understand how he was able to take Tamra out of the trailer park but he could not get the trailer park out of Tamra? It was puzzling. Simon wants to hang around good wholesome people and doesn’t want gutter ho’s like Gretchen hanging around Tamra and his children because he is protective. He has also been taking lessons from Reverend Jafar Jimbo on being more controlling. Jimbo has taught Simon some valuable lessons like for example how it is better to smack a bitch with an open hand not with a closed fist, smacking a ho’ that way is better for the ho’ since that also plumps up her lips. Why do you think Alexi’s lips look like rubber band lips all the time? It’s not only from whale fat injections.

Simon tries to use a brain washing technique with Tamra that Jimbo taught him. By convincing Tamra that they’re marriage works and they are happy. But Simon fails miserably at his attempt to brainwash Tamra because she is a stubborn Bitch plus Tamra has taken lessons from Hurricane Vicki at not letting a man tell you how you feel so she just spits on Simon’s face and that gives him his answer.

Alexis and Jimbo go to some free church were they allow hookers and strippers to show up dressed for work. Well ho’s need to go to church too and so do preacher guys with southern accents who play guitar and like young pretty girls and church scandals.

That church Alexis and Jimbo attend was too loud and with sucky wanna-be-rock music to boot. They were probably offending Jesus with that awful music.

I am old fashioned I think you need to keep your rock & roll music separate from your church music. Last time Metallica’s contract with the Devil expired their albums were sucking then they renewed their contract with Satan and their music kicked ass again. And I thought contracts with Satan didn’t expired. Besides church is a place where you’re supposed to go to sleep and rest. I want a quiet church were I can take a nice nap and be woken up after the sermon is over. This works really good when recovering from partying and drinking the night before at a rock concert. See how that works? By the way I don’t go to church or believe in the devil so I am not trying to offend anyone religious.

The preacher starts spewing some stuff about not crying in your Starbucks and getting over it. By this time into the sermon I would of been sleeping and in my third dream already.While the preacher talks about how you have to stop winning and worrying about what someone else says about you Alexis was looking around all the other people sitting around her and while agreeing with the preacher she was pointing at everyone else saying see he is talking to you guilty unchristian heathens, I am more christian than you! I don’t do shit like that!

That Bitch was going off then she started attacking the other house ho’s and judging them she kept going off ,spewing more crazy preachy shit, by saying:the preacher was talking directly to the other house ho’s they all talk crap about each other and are not christian they are all going to hell except for me because I am christian.

Alexis brags about how she is very christian and is fortunate and blessed to have the baby machine and slave to Jimbo lifestyle, the nanny’s, the complicated multiple margaritas in mid day, and of course the porn size boobs, and how she is better and everyone else sucks and she is going to rise in a cloud with Jesus even though she is a famewhore and looks down at everyone else. Oh yeah, and she is NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THAT!. WOW! What a self righteous Bitch. I wonder what Jesus would say about all her shenanigans?. That’s a crystal cathedral waiting to crash and it will crash hard. Oh well but that’s why Jesus invented Karma for people like Alexis.

Tamra says that Alexis and Jimbo did not appear as church folk to her. She also doesn’t understand how Alexis and Jimbo are trying to keep the devil out when the devil would love to hump Alexis cc’s. I think that’s what she said? I don’t know what the fuck cc’s are but then again I don’t have fake boobs either. As a a matter of fact I am afraid to death to have fake plastic shit inserted in me. I watched this show called 1000 ways to die and this woman who had humongous porn size boobs was on a plane high up in the air and they exploded and she bled to death! True story! After I saw that show with the exploding boobs whenever I see Alexis fake cleavage, I wait for her boobs to explode . Great now I have that image burned in my brain! GROSS!

Gretchen is high as a kite as usual, giggling and clapping her hands all retarded like, she cannot even clap right because she misses and says she wants some of that christian in her cleavage because she has no boobies ; specially now that she has been snorting a lot of meth and partying on 2 week binges she looks super sucked up and where her boobs used to be there is only a hollow cavity. Bitch don’t need boobs she needs to get off the meth and a sandwich!

Gretchen gets nice and ready and coked out of her skull, to go visit with Lynne’s daughter Alexa because she believes Alexa is depressed and Gretchen wants to be a good example and a role model to young girls.

When Gretchen calls Lynne to get her okay to take Alexa somewhere and interrogate her; Lynne is nice and high and agrees to everything Gretchen says she also tells Gretchen ahead of time that, Alexa may leak out the family secret that they beat Alexa.

Damn! Well they are not beating her enough, I tell you what, if anything they need to beat her ass more so she is not running around drunk off her ass, buck wild with every Tom, Dick and Harry all over Orange County.

Gretchen takes Alexa to some second hand store to shop for 2 dollars shirts. Then she tells Alexa that she knows Alexa is depressed because she hears her tell Lynne how depressed she is and how she needs to have a beer. Gretchen gets all preachy on Alexa and tells her she is concerned about her well being. Gretchen feels that she is the expert, in giving children who are about to end up on drugs or pregnant, advice since she knows all about being on drugs, bulimic and naked on the internet since she is doing that shit right now as we speak.

Gretchen says all her orgy toilet pictures, cheating on dying fiancee escapades, were done in the name of research since she also holds a degree in child psychology and all.

Alexa gets caught off guard when Gretchen demands she tells her what is going on with her depressing life, because she is a concerned big sister type. Alexa doesn’t know if she should hug Gretchen, or beat the shit out her right there and then, at the clothing store in front of God and everybody.

Gretchen’s approach to forcing Alexa to open up to her was genius she put a little teenage girl who is totally embarrassed by her embarrassing family, on blast and put the spotlight on her problems. Even though Lynne’s daughters are little shits it is no wonder those girls don’t want to go to school or be successful. I be embarrassed and fucked up too, having Lynne and Frank for parents and crazy Bitches like Gretchen up in my shit. That sux!

After Alexa remembers Gretchen’s girls gone wild on the Internet dildo pictures she decides that she didn’t like that ho’ trying to give her advice on being depressed since she is the biggest gold digging famewhore who dates douche bags named Slimey and has slept with dying old millionaires who left her money while she cheated and partied and posed for erotic toilet modeling pictures.

Lynne snuck into the fitness center at some hotel to work out with Alexa she also brought Alexa along to make sure her new face transplant doesn’t fall off this way in case that shit happens she has someone there to help her duct tape her face back on.

Lynne asks Alexa about her shopping trip with Gretchen Alexa tells Lynne that since Gretchen is just some gold digging, orgy participant, toilet dildo model, who is naked wasted and coked out all the time Alexa feels she doesn’t need to listen to Gretchen, and Gretchen should not be giving her any advice, she also states that Gretchen is a run down 40 year old whore who needs to quit pretending she is close to Alexa’s age and has the authority on counseling out of control teenagers, besides Alexa can fuck up her own life all on her own. Without some 40 year old grannie’s help. Since Lynne was high at the time she don’t remember allowing Gretchen to take Alexa shopping and so becomes outraged at Gretchen’s nerve both Lynne and Alexa agree that Gretchen is a gutter whore who ambushed Alexa by taking the pressure off her self, and make it about Alexa because she is an easy target.

Hurricane Vicki kidnapped Donn to Turkey Caicos and told him that they are falling in love all over again wheter Donn likes it or not! Vicki says that if someone says‘money doesn’t matter they were poor!’ Darn right Bitch that’s why you bust yo’ ass peddling insurance so that you can afford to vacation and don’t end up broke and in the trailer park condo like Tamra if Donn ever leaves yo’ ass.

Hurricane Vicki gets drunk of her ass on Caribbean Rum Punch and visits a Conch bar to eat Conch wich is the viagra of the sea Vicki is drunk off her ass already and she stumbling drunk when the Conch guy is killing the Conch and taking out the conch dick . Vicki tells Donn to eat the conch so that he can get horny and take her back to the room. The Conch guy tells them that after Donn eats those 7 buckets of Conch dick they will not come out of their room or see the rest of the day. And he was right. Vicki and Donn finally consummated their relationship. The only other time they had sex with each other was two months after they got married back in the early 1980’s. It was Vicki’s idea. After that, Vicki decided they each need their own room and have kept it that way since, and now almonst 3 decades later they had sex again. Miracles do happen!

Tamra is out with that guy Marcos, who is supposedly her real state co worker. That Marcos sure looks like Simon’s little brother. Look at his nose and hair he resembles Simon. Tamra says Simon didn’t want to go look at houses with her and Marcos so she decided to go with Marcos. I wonder if this is the guy Simon is accusing her of being unfaithful with? I am sure Simon didn’t want to go because, he was planning to give her the boot anyways and instead of looking at those million dollar homes she should of being looking at government low income housing.

Tamra tells that other man WHO IS NOT HER HUSBAND! How she used to live in that neighborhood, and she used to be the happiest back then but now Simon hates her, and he is on her shit list, and she needs a shoulder to cry on.

Damn! Tamra’s ass sure looks flat with those Peggy Bundy capris, maybe she needs to put some of that silicone from her teeties on her butt to make it even.

Vicki decides it is time to seal the deal and tell Donn that he is her Bitch permanently, because Vicki is tired of the games from the younger Sancho’s she has being playing with, when on her many business trips. So she tells Donn that in the morning they are renewing their wedding vows on that beach whether Donn likes it or not . Donn almost has a heart attack you can see it on his face and body language, dude looks like his heart just sunk to his stomach. Then he starts crying and begging Vicki not to force him to marry her again. Yep he was crying the whooole time. Like a little Bitch too! His face was all wet and eyes all red from tears non stop from the time Vicki told him they were getting married, because she didn’t propose, she told him, and throughout that night, when Vicki told Donn they were having sex. Donn cried while sex then the next day at the ceremony Donn was crying also the whole time he cried. He only paused for a few minutes when Vicki made the ceremony about the one and a half carats, princess cut diamond ring, she bought him they were talking like 20 minutes about that shit. Hey but at least it wasn’t 7 carats! After they were done admiring the ring Donn went back to sobbing and crying.

Vicki also told Donn he must break up with his maid/mistress Rosita when they get back to OC and Donn wasn’t liking that shit. As a matter of fact he was devastated; but didn’t argue with Hurricane Vicki because he was afraid of her. Vicki should just be cool and let Donn have Rosita on the side, after all Vicki has gardner Fernando and when they both get back to OC they can all be one big happy, infidelity, alcoholic, dysfunctional, family. Like they been all these years.

And now that we saw those two love birds get married and live happily ever after we must turn to some depressing shit and visit Tamra and her mother who are having lunch at some restaurant that isn’t MacDonald’s, so it is a new experience for Tamra’s mom. Tamra of course has to bring up Gretchen and talks to her mom Sandy about how she is trying to patch things up with Gretchen because she loves drama.

Then Tamra starts teasing her momma about getting dumped for her best friend by Tamra’s dad and so Tamra’s mom Sandy gets back at Tamra and brings up Tamra’s own problems with Simon to remind that Bitch to focus on her own problems. Suddenly the scene turns into a Spanish Telenovela and Tamra covers her face and starts fake crying.

That Bitches face doesn’t even move it just stays straight and no tears come out at all. Her mom’s face is all stiff too you don’t know if they are laughing or crying . Tamra asks her mom what does Simon want since he is driving Tamra mad and her mom tells her he wants a housewife not a ho’. Tamra did not understand the concept.Then Tamra tells her momma that if it wasn’t for the kids she would of left Simon’s punk ass already and found a richer sugar daddy. This is probably why Simon served her with divorce papers and kicked her to the curb.

Then Tamra says that the last thing she wants to do is be 42 divorced with 3 kids living in a condo. Maybe this should be her new opening line.

Tamra Barney May Be ‘The Hottest Grandma In Orange County!’

admin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:33:58 +0000

According to internet rumors, Ryan Vieth ‘Nugget Boy’ posted on his Facebook about being a baby daddy to a little girl named Dakota Vieth.

Now that Tamra may be the hottest granny in Orange County she better get ready to be the hottest grannie at the old peoples home, until Gretchen shows up looking sexy on bingo night. That’s were these bitches are gonna be next, ‘The Real Retirement Home Grannies of Orange County’.

Except that with all that botox all these Bitches use, they’re faces are going to look all jacked up when they’re at the old peoples home. Even Gretchen’s face will look distorted, oh come on! we all know she gets Formaldehyde injections also.

Lynne’s daughters better remember to use protection or they may end up making Lynne the next hot grannie of OC, with the face all fucked up, like this bitch below:

Happy 1 Year Anniversary Realfauxhousewives

admin — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 18:04:23 +0000

Yep, today is my one year anniversary of talking smack on this insanity of a blog. This blog was created on a whim. One year ago today I was telling my husband about the housewives and Gretchen and Lynne and their shenanigans and he gave me this look like ’what are you talking about?’ He wasn’t familiar with the Real Housewives reality wreck, and I didn’t expect him to be.

Then he was kinda teasing me over watching reality TV shows and next thing I know I told him ‘I’m going to create a blog about it’ and he said ‘knock your self out!’ then I came up with the name at the spur of the moment, and it’s been my after work dirty hobby ever since; the rest is history. Now even my husband reads this blog and my teenage daughter watches the Housewives and clowns on those bitches with me. (She also used to make fun of me watching reality TV shows).

So thank you all that read my crazy rants!

And here is some cheesey collage…

Frank Curtin Says Lynne is innocent!

admin — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 02:53:43 +0000

Lynne Curtin’s husband Frank told Radaronline that Lynne is innocent and she was named in the lawsuit just because the judge wanted to fuck with them.

Frank also says that the reason he didn’t show up to court was because of all the holiday smokey-tokey fog which caused his short term memory to act up, causing him to forget he had court that day!

He told Radaronline:

“I just sort of forgot to go because of the Christmas season,”

“My business all went south and I have been trying to work my way out of it. In the last 4 years I have lost everything, and I went through some really hard times.”

Seriously Frank, you need to put the bong down. When you have binezz to take care of, you have to put the bong down dude, and take care of binezz first, or else you won’t have money and weed is expensive that shit cost money!

Frank also regrets that him and Lynne got on a reality show:

“This has been the worst year of my life. And now I am in the public eye from a TV show…what have I gotten myself into?”

Dumb Ass!

The Real Housewives Of Late Night!

admin — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 05:47:06 +0000

HA HA HA HA !