realfauxhousewives.com » Luann De Lesseps

Real Housewives Of New York, Ramona Singer Gets Snubbed By Her Ho’ Stars

admin — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:50:33 +0000

New bitches new ho’ downs, the drama never ends. Even though Jill “Jillaousy” Zarin, “Co Co Puffs” Kelly Bensimoron, Cindy “Bore Me” Barshop and Alex “Frankenstein Shoes” Mccord were all axed because supposedly the situation got toxic and now a new blend of toxic got introduced to the old blend of toxic waste, that is the New York Skanks it appears these bitches are all at each other’s throats already with a whole new set of cat-fights and bitch slappery fiascoes. Ramona is the “asshole pariah” of this season and LuAnn de Lesseps plus Sonja Morgan are pushing for the empty spot of Queen Bee that Jill Zarin left behind.

Although, the show is supposed to be “totally different than last season.” The NY. Daily News reported the women have already divided into teams and Ramona is now fighting with her bestie Sonja (she must of found out Mario banged her.)

From NY Daily News:

A source close to the gaggle of ladies — who now include new additions Carole Radziwill , Heather Thomson , and Aviva Drescher — tells us the show will be “totally different than last season.”

Viewers who followed the Bravo reality show last season saw the “blonds” — Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan and Alex McCord — face off against the “brunettes”: LuAnn de Lesseps , Kelly Bensimon , Jill Zarin and Cindy Barshop .

But now that Zarin, McCord, Bensimon and Barshop are no longer part of the cast, the insider says the veterans and the newbies have wasted no time in forming new alliances — and rivalries — for the upcoming season five.

“It’s Sonja, LuAnn and Heather vs. Aviva and Ramona,” says the source, who adds: “LuAnn and Sonja are now the queen bees of the show.

The latter alliance makes sense given that Drescherand Singer knew each other before they were castmates. That said, the source notes that Aviva is staying “more neutral” when it comes to her relationships with the other ladies.

Also an insider told Wetpaint that Ramona got ditched out of a London trip that these ho’s went on:

“Everyone was invited on the trip except Ramona,” the insider tells Wetpaint Entertainment. “It was a huge diss.”

But while the rest of the cast filmed overseas, fan favorite Ramona exacted her revenge by throwing herself a raucous birthday party at Manhattan’s Bar Italia on November 18.

“She had 24 of her closest friends there and did not seem to miss the other housewives one bit,” a guest at the party tells us.

Best of all? Ramona’s pals surprised her with a pinot grigio-themed cake. “We had it done by Heather Barranco Dreamcakes. It had an edible bottle of Ramona’s label of pinot and edible pieces from her True Faith jewelry line, all made of out hard sugar. The cake looked and tasted great.”

And of course, her guests drank the real version of Ramona’s vino throughout the afternoon.

“Ramona had a blast,” the insider says. “We all did. We spent the afternoon eating, drinking and getting down on the dance floor!”

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Real Housewives Of New York, Four Bitches Get The Ax

admin — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 18:17:25 +0000

After all the rumors went back and forth about which house skanks of New York got the boot to the ass we finally got the answer. Alex Mccord took to her Twitter and admitted Bravo fired her as well as Cindy The Bore Barshop. I bet Bravo fired Alex because maybe they got tired of Simon begging them to make him a housewife with his own introduction clip before the show, who knows. Cindy was booring that bitch didn’t do anything for anybody, not only did she have fugly ass huge horse teeth, but she was fucking RUUUUDE and all she ever did was sit there with her huge mouth wide open and call attention to her teeth, while she looked shocked and flies flew in and out of her mouth and she swatted at them with her tail. Plus damn she was hard to look at!

Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin were also let-go by the network. I guess Bravo decided to cut their loses because it was way cheaper to cut Jill lose than to deal with her constant Jill the Diva hurricane behavior for the sake of ratings. I bet the producers the cameramen the peons and all the people that had to put up with that bitch while filming this show are probably having a celebration fiesta with a pinata that looks like Jill.

The best decision they made was to let go of that beast Kelly Bensimoron. They should of fired that bitche’s mentally unstable ass since Scary Island, when that bitch had a level 10 mental meltdown because she more than likely was coming down from meth and pregnant Bethenny was dealing with that beast and because of her, Bethenny had to sleep with a security guard outside her door until Bravo send the crazy bitch in a padded wagon back home! Their decision to cut her had to do with Kelly being more of a liability than an asset.

Here are Alex’s tweets:

@mccordalex Alex McCord

I’m just 32 away fm following 100,000 tweeps on @twitter Not bad 4 a fired “RHoNY” who has the highest @BravoTV @Klout klout.com/#/SimonvanKemp…

35 minutes ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

@mccordalex Alex McCord

Nothing was decided until today, but as of tonight a decision has been reached. @SimonvanKempen & I are leaving #RHONY, sadly but amicably.

Alex also posted on Facebook this message and someone (Simon?) in desperation did a Facebook open group petitioning for the Silex duo to remain in RHONY.

Check this out:

Alex McCord

Hey fans, I wanted to jump in to say THANKS for all the love over the past four seasons AND the past 48 hours — we both have been humbled by the outpouring of support. Unfortunately the news is true that Simon and I are not returning to RHONY for season 5. No sense crying over spilt milk — it’s all been amicable and discussions are ongoing about other things. xoxo, Alex

Alex McCord MUST STAY on RHONYC!

And finally Jill and Cindy both tweeted that they admit their asses got fired also:

@Jillzarin Jill Zarin

When one door closes..another one opens.I love all my fans and can’t wait for @SkweezCouture to launch this wk and announce my next project.

3 hours ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

@CindyBarshop Cindy Barshop

I will not be returning to RHONY I left on great terms I loved getting to know all of u. Stay tuned much more to come !!

LuAnn De Lesseps, Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer are the only fortunate ones Bravo decided to continue exploiting and ridiculing them for ratings and profit while we toss tomatoes at them.

Is Cat Ommaney The Next Real Housewife Of New York? Is Bravo Going To Enforce Psychological Tests On The Cast Because Of The Recent BH Tragedy?

admin — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 22:27:59 +0000

RumorFix.com posted some gossip (they heard it from IHJZ blog) about Cat Ommanney being considered by Bravo to be one of the Real Train Wreckages of New York. And since she has been planning to move to New York anyway and Miss Bravo Andy Cohen noticed how Cat wanted to jump out of her chair and scratch LuAnn’s eyes out for being such a wannabe wanker when the two bitches were guest on WWHL a few months back. Asking her to join would make sense.

I hope they do stick that crazy bitch in New York, I like to see her go English ghetto on LuAss. I remember that WWHL episode and all I can say is, it was BEAUTIFUL when that Cat Litter bitch lost her patience with LuAss and Miss Andy was also loving it so much that her panties were wet! Please Bravo please cast this ho’ for New York. I want to hear her tell LuAnn off in her best gutter-skank,English-ghetto,hood-rat, drunken dribble. Maybe she will even go apeshit on Jilliousy and Jelly Beans Bensimoron! That would be awesooome!

And speaking of Kelly Bensimon and mentally vulnerable people that should NOT be on reality shows because they can have unfortunate endings (I’m not being insensitive to this, I’m just saying it can seriously get bad for some) like poor Russell did in the end. Bravo is now enforcing a psychological tests for desperate famewhores that join the show and this is to PROTECT BRAVO not the cast members (of course!). An unnamed cast member of the Real Housewives of New York told the Huffington Post:

“We all have in our contracts that Bravo can force us to take a [psychological] test,” one cast member of “The Real Housewives of New York” tells me. “To my knowledge nobody did, but moving forward any new cast members will for sure. This isn’t to protect the talent but rather to protect Bravo for the next time something horrid happens.”

Real Housewives Of New York Reunion Recrap, The Beast Of Seven Heads Part II

admin — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 20:50:46 +0000

After Jilliousy chewed Ramonzon’s head off for bringing up the Countless’ “weekend parenting” we are back for more bitch slapping and all that good shit. LuAnn is fuming because she says that Ramonzon talks to every Tom, Dick, Harry and belligerent homeless wino in New York city about LuMan’s parenting skills (or lack there off). Ramona says she didn’t say shit about that bitch and LuMan hisses at Gonzo for not sticking up for the Countless when Ramonzon was running her fat mouth. Gonzo tries to say she stuck up for LuMan, but wasn’t caught on film.

Andy asks Ramona why she is trying to blame Avery for turning down LuMan’s music video and why she is trying to say Avery is embarrassed of Ramona being on a tranni music video when the bitch served alcohol at Avery’s sweet sixteen and tried to highjack her party by turning it into Ramona’s drunken Cincuentanera bash 2010. Yep, that shit exist that’s what one of my readers told me. Go ahed and google it.

LuMan brings up the embarrassing massage Ramona gave her “husband’s hairy chest” on TV and questions how can Avery NOT be embarrassed by that, but is embarrassed of her mother appearing in LuMan’s desperation mid-life crises video. Jill decides to demonstrate the dramatics by grabbing Kelly’s Behemoth’s gorilla size feet and proceeds to massage them while making X-rated moaning sounds. I don’t understand why Ramonzon doesn’t just admit she didn’t want to do the video with the Countless because she can’t stand that beast. Andy asks Ramonzon if Avery was embarrassed by the massage she gave Mario on TV and Ramonzon says she was a “little” embarrassed. Yeah just like we are supposed to believe it was all Avery that forbid Ramona from appearing in the video, we are also expected to believe that she was just a “little” embarrassed by the massage. LuMan brings up a good point and asks Ramonzon how it is that she refused to do the music video because it was slutty, yet she invites sixteen year old Avery to join the burlesque underwear shopping and invites her to the dirty bird Sonja show? After stuttering and pulling out a lame ass answer out of her ass, Ramona says it’s because it was a “private party”. So? That’s like saying because she invited her daughter to an orgy since it was a “private orgy” it’s ok. Right? EEEWWWWUUUOOKAYY THEN?!!

Miss Andy asks LuMan why she went into super confrontational asshole mode this season and why is she up Jill’s ass and defending Jill. Alex yells it’s because LuMan has enough “dirt” on LuMan to fill a “landfill”. Jill calls Alex a bitch, but spells it out because small children may be watching? What? OK!? What about all the shit these bitches were saying earlier?

Then, we see a diarrhea trail of clips with Jilliousy saying she is a “changed woman” and staying out of drama followed by scenes with Jill running her fat mouth about everybody’s business, and talking about EVERYBODY! From who is how old and where Cindy’s babies’ daddy is, to calling Alex a ‘fucking bitch’ for socializing above her level and pretty much just trying to insert herself into the drama like a fucking tapeworm crawling up a fat persons ass. Jill then gives a lame ass explanation about how she is blatantly “honest” and doesn’t give a crap what anybody thinks because she is not trying to do it to be mean she is doing it because she is repeating whatever Ramona has been saying all these years I AM WHAT I AM LIKE IT OR NOT I’M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN TOOT TOOT!! Ramona can’t believe this bitch has now crossed over to using Ramoner’s excuses for acting like a complete asshole to people’s faces for stupid reasons. Ramona was sitting there mumbling, bitch find your own excuses! I think the only thing that changed with Jilliousy this season is that she has learned to be a bigger irritating asshole who found other ways to use more useless excuses to be a complete bitch, so yeah she’s changed, for the worst! Jill tries to say that the grudge she has with Ramona is deeper and longer than the Bethenny grudge and she doesn’t think she can forgive Ramona. WTFUCK? Bitch you don’t make sense! Ramonzon is right when someone is doing better and has more money than Jill she gets “Jilliousy” and goes into full-fledged hurricane level bitch mode.

Gonzo confronts Jilliousy about the shit she talked about Gonzo when she did her disturbing dirty bird burlesque performance. And Jill tries to deny it and says that Gonzo was attacking all of them by calling them “bitches”. Gonzo then admits it by calling them “bitches” again. HA HA HA!!! Jill says that she was just kidding and being cute when she made fun of Gonzo’s horrific performance! That’s just like saying she went up to Sonja’s plate of toaster oven weiner-dinner and farted on it, but since she was being funny it’s all good and forgiven.

Then Jill starts bitching at Alex for wearing white to the wedding and what a bitch she is for socializing at a party that’s below her social climbing lying ass, plus all the shit she talks about the Hamptons. Alex says she only used to go to the Hampton’s to get acting jobs. Kelly busts up laughing and the brunettes asks Alex what movies she was on? After stuttering and making some shit up, duh I was the duuuh, tree in that one movie eerrr… She gets laughed at some more. Andy asks Jill if she ever admits when she is wrong and surprisingly Jill apologizes to Alex for calling her a bitch, just to clean the slate so she can insult her minutes later with brand new crispy insults.

Alex screams at the brunettes and points at all of them yelling “IF I WAS TRYING TO SOCIALICE ABOVE MY LEVEL I WOULD STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL A LIABILITY!” Bigfoot Kelly again, bust up laughing this time she asks Alex “ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?” Yeah, she is bitch and you both share the same dealer remember?

Next, more Ramonzon and her addiction to Pinot Del Borracho we get to see clips of “junkie” Ramona demanding Pinot and almost going into “heroin addict” level seizures if no Pinot available. FUCKING WINO!

Ramonzon then accuses Jill of being an alcoholic that had to attend AA meetings and Jill loses her shit denying it and saying she went to AA to support a friend. Who Jill Zarin? Was that the friends name?

Gonzo and Alex stick up for Ramonzon and say she is not an alcoholic since the bitch only drinks one case of vino not three like Jill accuses her of; making Ramona only a drunkaholic which is better! SEE!

Jilliousy jumps on Ramonzon for the comment she made about Jilliousy’s step daughter being “deformed” and Ramonzon tries to defend it saying that means “blemish”. Then, Andy pressures her crazy ass to apologize to Jill’s daughter and surprisingly she does and she spews out a nice apology, but right after that pause to apologize to the innocent the war continues.

Ramona keeps getting stomped on for being a “functioning alcoholic” like Kelly calls her and Ramona finally admits to being a fucking drunk and says she is very happy with her addiction because she has a lot of energy and is a successful business owner eighteen years married and blah, blah, blah. I think all these bitches need to be thrown together in a paper bag and go to Asshole-holic Anonymous.

Alex bitches at the Countless for calling her ass “Herman Munster shoes” and for correcting everyone about having “Class” like a matronly prison guard and the other bitches are all six year old inmates. LuAss doesn’t give a shit and just sits there laughing at Alex like she is a dumb ass.

Kelly takes credit for the ”Herman Munster shoes” and berates Alex for making poor fashion choices.

REALLY?! REALLY BITCH?? SO YOU’RE THE FASHION POLICE NOW?? I guess she made herself in charge of telling the other bitch how to dress when the only place her and Alex (also!) should be modeling those getups Kelly wears with no pants and the S&M crack-whore dress Alex had on at the party is at the runway (isles) of People Of Walmart.

Look at these bitches they both forgot to wear pants that day!

Here’s Kelly wearing her new running out in traffic outfit when she goes out to score some alley meth.

We also found out that Alex gave her nasty ass dress to LuAss and she donated it to some shelter cause or another and now a homeless bum is wearing it while searching for spare cans in the trash.

LuMan admits and slips out that when her ass marries Peppi LaPoopie she will be giving up the Countess title. Peppi LaPoopie is probably swimming back all the way to France in fear by now. LuMan also says she is butt hurt the blonde bitches refused to be on her music video, but she should be happy because at least Kelly Behemoth sharted throughout the video leaving her Bigfoot asshole aroma to decorate it.

Next they all talk shit about Simon and what an asshole he is for mean tweeting. The bitches asks Alex if she is aware of Simon’s tweets and she says she sees like only 90% of his tweets, but not the other 10% where he tweets Miss Andy at midnight and tells him what a purty mouth he ass and how he would like to strech it! EEEWWW!!! OLD DRAG QUEENS!

And now let’s talk about the Morocco trip and why Ramonzon, LuMan and the rest of these Housewives are permanently 86th from Morocco and are not allowed to travel there anymore. EVER! That camel that tried to kill LuMan already told the other camels to watch out for these hags and if they come back they’re getting camel stomped and not just LuMan this time. That camel knew exactly what it was doing! LuMan gets all defensive about playing matronly prison guard and making everyone miserable with her dictator actions at the Morocco vacation. See that’s why the camel wanted to throw her off it’s back and pee on her and I wish it would of.

Ramonzon gets asked why she got these bitches 86th from Morocco with her rude comments and she proceeds to double insult that country by saying some crazy statistics about how it is a crappy third world dusty bowl. LuMan laughs her ass off about that insult since she is not over there right now where they would chop her penis off for laughing at shit like that.

Miss Andy asks Gonzo if she is racist for not trusting people with her luggage in another country and she gives him some lame answer, Miss Andy brings up how Gonzo doesn’t seem well-traveled because she acts ignorant like she hasn’t gotten out of the woods much. Sonja tries to defend that by saying that even when she visited the “Royal Palace” she was paranoid they were going to steal her luggage. This bitch doesn’t quit does she?!

Dumb ass Alex gets asked why she is such a nerd and got her ass beat in Morocco for no reason other than trying to fight Ramonzon’s battles to desperately kiss her ass while Ramona ran around with her real best friend Gonzo laughing her ass off and getting blitz. Alex sits there like a doofus acting like she jumped in that mosh pit of snakes for her own pleasure. Sure bitch, sure whatever you say. Alex then calls LuMan a “thug in a cocktail dress” and offers her a T-shirt. LuAss laughs at her for selling T-shirts at the swap-meet like a loser, but Alex doesn’t care because she is going to make 120 million from those T-shirts. Jilliousy goes into a yelling tirade at Alex and yells at her repeatedly “I don’t care about you!”.

They also show the clip where Kelly was fucking with Alex’s head when she told her to close her eyes. HA HA HA HA!!! I can’t believe she let that bitch stick her dick in her ear and mindfuck her sideways like that! HA HA HA HA!!!! See Alex you can’t go up against beast like these on your own, you needed Bethenny there if Beth was theres that shit would of never happened because she made Kelly feel intimidated and stupid and it would of being Beth and Alex fucking with Kelly. And because Kelly only knows like two large words and she has to repeat them constantly to establish her credibility that she is an intelligent human and not a shaved ape like we all thought, she starts calling Alex “inauthentic” again, and again plus a “bad actress” because I guess in her pea brain she thinks that they are all on a scripted TV show. Then they all lose their shit into a full-blowned bitching tirade again like a bunch of “chicken heads” like Cindy calls them.

Miss Andy asks Ramona about Mario’s infidelities and reads an email that questions the fortune teller and Mario’s suspicious OH SHIT! reactions when Ramoner told him the whole fortune-teller prediction . Ramona sits there denying that shit and says she doesn’t believe what the fortune-teller told her, she says that Mario is a good guy and he is faithful to her even the time he porked that hoochie over the pool table. Alex jumps in and says Simon also joined taking turns in the pool table gang-bang and he totally wasn’t at the gay bar (later that night) because he is a “straight man”. HA HA HA HA!!!

Then Andy reads another viewer email about Alex’s droopy ass floppy “brawles” boobs and ask if she ever wears a “brawer”. Alex points out that she is wearing one now.

Andy asks Cindy if her ass even knows her children’s name and she screams I HAVE A NANNY THAT SLEEPS WITH ME! Ok I didn’t see that one coming!

Andy then asks LuAnn if the Count knows her new boyfriend Jacques Azoulay is Jewish? Does he know Jill is Jewish? Because LuAnn gets in bed with that bitch too. Cindy was confused about the comment, bitch didn’t watch last season.

We also find out that LuMan and her man go to the same barber shop to get their head done.

Andy saves the best question of the night for last “How do you feel that Bethenny is worth 10 times more than all of you combined?” LuMan tries to say some stupid bullshit about how Bethenny is still catching up to their money. Bitch she left your old ass in the dust, by like 40 million dollars looong ago! Jilliousy spews out all pissed off a obvious jealous comment that she doesn’t count Bethenny’s money. Finally none of them can take the jealousy anymore and all the bitches explode into a massive splatter of excrement. Poor Miss Andy will never be the same!

Ya habibi Bitches!

Real Housewives Of New York Reunion Recrap, The Beast Of Seven Heads

admin — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 06:59:48 +0000

Part one of this bitch slap fest began with Andy asking Ramona about her false alarm pregnancy and questions that bitche’s delusions on being capable of getting preggers with old ass dusty eggs. The brunettes roll their eyes when Ramona adamantly defends her so-called ‘young uterus’ and states AGAIN that she could of been pregnant, then she announces she is on her period. Maybe her last one, but it’s till her period.

After a diarrhea trail of fight clips, about how these hags love to pick fights at the ‘wrong place and wrong time,” we are dragged down memory lane to rehash the bitch slap fest where Sonja, Alex and Simon got into that mosh pit of a fight over the gay rights thingy that Simon was supposed to speak at, and Gonzo totally crapped on the podium making it impossible for Simon to give his speech without slipping on Sonja’s runny shit.

So to stir the shit pot and get the blondes at each other’s throat Miss Andy asks Sonja why she didn’t allow Simon to speak at the gay-rights event. Sonja and Alex discuss the events that took place and Sonja blames someone named bleep for the so called speech hijack Alex makes a weird ass comment about this person named bleep and you can tell Alex is making all kinds of silly excuses and covering for Gonzo (probably the same way she makes excuses for Simon when he is yelling at her in cars) because for some reason now she doesn’t want to piss the Gonzo off and be out of the blonde gang.

Meanwhile the brunettes are talking shit among each other and somehow the insanity demons that control cooco for coco puffs Kelly’s mouth muttered the truth when she spewes out that ( I know scary) Alex is sitting there allowing Sonja to insult her husband on national TV and just brushes it off like it’s no big deal. Magically and without splanation (misspelled on purpose!) Gonzo and Alex are suddenly besties and none of this shit matters because it was all a BIG misunderstanding and aliens took the real Sonja for a couple of weeks then brought her back and it was also bleeps fault! So not Sonja’s fault! Miss Andy keeps trying to poke the beast in the eyeball and brings up the fight where Gonzo threw that bitch out of her house for dressing like an S&M whore. Again, all we get is Alex making up more lame excuses for Gonzo and saying that they “are good now” and the brunettes roll up their eyes at this display of bullshit. Kelly tries to explain the fight and what took place, but she can’t make sense or put sentences together so she just makes herself look like the incoherent mentally ill nut job she is, like always.

Alex tries to say that if it wasn’t for the useless fight they had, marriage equality would of never been passed in the state of New York! Yeah, I guess thanks to the house flies of New York gay man can legally marry all credit goes to these screaming menopausal twats. REALLY? REALLY BITCH YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT? I guess we are all stupid here and are expected to believe that spoonful of horse shit just like the time she said she came from oil money. RIIIGHT!! OOOKKAAYY THEN!! Alex tries to say that bleep agrees with this and I suppose that’s why he doesn’t want Bravo to say his name on TV or admit he knows these skanks.

Because Jill is a grade A asshole and I guess in charge of asking the questions now because she can take over Andy like that; she uses her king size ladle to stir that shit cauldron (still trying to get Alex and Sonja to scrap on each other) and asks Gonzo how she felt when Simon got up on her face. Jill is salivating at the mouth hoping those two ho’s will be swinging a bat at each other, but no such luck.

Kelly is asked why she calls Alex “inauthentic” and “weird” and she points out that Alex gets red blotches on her skin when she tries to argue with people. And Kelly says it’s because “I’m nice and I care” and “Cosmo voted me the ‘5 Most Nice Celebrity’”! Alex was sitting there thinking WFUCK? HUH?! What does this have to do with anything? Alex starts turning all blotchy again and Kelly starts freaking out like the baboon she is and pointing it out and shit; and Alex still can’t get her point across. Next.

Time to ask Gonzo why the fuck she is so delusional and lives in her wealthy past pretending she still rich when she is actually a broke ass and looking like a fool after getting sued for that John Travolta movie that never got made. Sonja then loses her shit and cries because her marriage felt apart and it wasn’t the financial stuff that hurts it’s the marriage and the fact that it fell apart. Now, that bitch deserves an academy award. I would be crying the same way too if I lost my big ass paycheck like that. Good thing she is saying all this bullshit about how she loved her husband and he was kind blah, blah, blah. See this way in case other future potential sugar daddies are watching this she may be able to fool them and think she is actually marrying them because of love and not gold digging their ass. That’s good.

Gonzo is asked why all the lavish parties at fancy restaurants if she is so broke, but Gonzo defends that by saying she gives the restaurant’s publicity because she is a “restaurant consultant”. I didn’t know waitresses are called “restaurant consultants” now. I’m sure those restaurants love being associated with the loud mouth screaming bitch fest followed by a camera crew filming this circus these bitches bring to their restaurants. NICE!

Sonja confronts Kelly on calling her house dirty and disorganized, but Kelly doesn’t back-down and insist Gonzo lives in a pigsty. Just to deny it minutes later confusing Miss Andy. Even LuMan tries to back Gonzo up by calling Kelly’s original comment inappropriate.

Andy calls Kelly out about her house and asks her who paid for it and Kelly admits it was her sugar papa (the one that dumped her for being crazy) and the bitch says she is not calling Sonja out on who paid for her house, but more on her house being dirty. Kelly is lucky her sugar papa paid for that house or else this bitch would be homeless and having to give hobos hand jobs for a hit of their crack pipe.

Cindy who’s been sitting there saying nothing the whole time with her horse teeth sticking out of her wide open mouth being dead weight like usual suddenly jumps in and agrees with Kelly that Gonzo is delusional and puts on “airs”. Cindy tells Gonzo that she shouldn’t act like her shit don’t stink and look down on people and then expect people to feel sorry for her when her face hits the pavement.

Next Miss Andy brings up Ramonzon’s Pinot Grigio addiction and Jill makes a snide remark about the whole fiasco with Ramona wearing white to that one wedding. Alex tries to jump in, just to be told by Jillious to shut the fuck up and stay out of it ending with Jill calling her a “fucking bitch”. Jill has changed. Into a bigger bitch. HA HA HA!!!

Bethenny gets brought up and Jilliousy tries to say that the other ho’s were jealous of her relationship with Beth and insinuates that Ramona wasn’t helping. Andy is confused again because he has FOOTAGE of Ramonzon trying to arrange a meeting between the Skynny Girl and Jilliousy to fix things up, but asshole Jilliousy didn’t want to work it out, her plan to fuck with Beth’s emotions for a minute backfired and Beth got tired of the mindfuck games Jilliousy was playing so Beth said FUCK YOU! And walked and now Jilliousy is just pissed because her manipulation little games didn’t work on Beth. That’s why she is sad the friendship wasn’t salvaged. Not because she loved Bethenny. But whatevs she’s got 120 million a hot man and a baby. Happiness is the best revenge. Jilliousy tries to say she is scared of Bethenny and hopes Bethenny is scared of her too! Not so much bitch!

Ramona is confronted on her big mouth with no filter and she tries to say that she doesn’t say shit to be mean she is honest or whatever. So she just does it to help people, right?

The day that Miss Andy lost his shit!

The brunettes keep shutting up and beating the shit out of Alex calling her a fucking idiot and what not. And Jill accuses Mario of being a cheater while Ramona says that Jill’s husband is not as good as Mario. And when the men get brought up bitches be going crazy so Ramona and Jilliousy channel their inner 5th grader and start calling each other loser, LOSER! LOOOSER!!! LOOOSER!! It all went to apeshit town and Andy kept trying to ask questions, but these “BEAST” wouldn’t “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” And Miss Andy lost his shit and yelled at them to “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” “BEAST ALL OF YOU!”. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! That was a beautiful moment! I knew someday this would happen. I wonder if next time he is going to roll up those cards he holds, like a newspaper, and smack them in the head like a dog that peed on the couch. That was a whole lot of crazy.

Next we see a montage of the blondes and Gonzo’s Jello ass. Andy asks Sonja why she is a nasty ho’ who keeps loosing her panties and insisting on showing her dry “vagonja” Why does he even asks her this? She already admitted to being embarrassed for being broke than for being portrayed as a crazy horny bitch that likes to put her ass on display. So being an exhibitionist ho’ is perfectly fine and not embarrassing, but being a broke ass is.

Kelly accuses Sonja’s “vagonja” of being “rude” to Kelly while at the vagina toaster oven photo shoot. Sonja’s “vagonja” queefs out an insult at Kelly and admits that she was just being “honest” and called Kelly a dick. That’s why Kelly is permanently traumatized and scarred beyond repair by Sonja’s “vagonja”.

Next Bravo tries to convince us Kelly isn’t crazy and they are hopping we forgot her “breakthrough” at Scary Island by showing us a trail of Kelly scenes where they try to edit the bitch as sane and the “voice of reason,” but it fails. Miserably.

Kelly gets called out by Alex on the whole henna tattoo incident and talking shit about Gonzo’s pig sty. Kelly says she doesn’t know what this bitch is talking about and keeps treating Alex like an idiot while Alex keeps breaking into boiled lobster hives. This can’t be healthy for this bitch if she comes back next season for more abuse, then she is an idiot because these bitches keep “railroading” over her.

Andy brings up Kelly’s past relationship where she claimed she was beat up by the boyfriend and Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk about it and that her ex-husband “saved” her. But the whole thing with her beating that one guy up gets swept under the rug.

Kelly also says she is not jealous of Bethenny who can now crush her with her 120 million dollar wallet. I wonder if Kelly convinced herself yet that she is NOT jealous of Beth.

Now it’s time to fuck with Horse Teeth and we see a montage of her teeth. And the shit starts between Ramona and Cindy over the whole cigar and dead mans suit argument and Ramona asks Andy is he would wear a dead man’s suit and Andy is all EEWWW!! NO! Alex keeps trying to stick her spoon in just to get told again to shut the fuck up and stay out of it this time by Cindy and Alex yells bitch “YOU NEED TO GET LAID!”. HA HA HA HA!!! TRUE! She acts a little tense doesn’t she? Was the last time her “vagonja” got some action when they got those babies out of there? So is this mean since Cindy owns those pubey waxing spas (and she must get waxed all the time) her “vagonja” is all waxed up and nowhere to go? HA HA HA!!!

And Cindy sits these with her horse teeth sticking out of her mouth AGAIN while flies are going in and out and says NOTHING because she knows Alex is right.

Cindy then confronts Gonzo on the “pecking order” comment, but Jill pulls her leash back because for some reason she doesn’t want Cindy going after Gonzo. WEIRD!

Then the “conference call” in the kitchen that ruined the breakfast gets brought up and Cindy insist she wasn’t being rude and Gonzo knew about the call. Kelly takes Cindy’s side and the Countless says Horse Teeth was rude to take that call and she is appalled. Cindy even barks at LuAss when she tries to tell her to chill and she looks like she is about to chew each of these bitches heads off and shit down their necks. Doesn’t LuAss know that you don’t try to calm a beast down when it’s all riled up or it will bite you?

Then Ramona and LuAss get into it about Ramona calling LuAnn a bad mother and what-not, then she keeps on bringing up how many times LuAnn’s daughter Victoria has moved schools and Jill then goes apeshit and yells at Ramona to stop fucking with people’s kids or she will tear her a new asshole. To be continued.

Are The Real Housewives Of New York Becoming Too Toxic? Real Housewives Of Miami Lice Renewed For A Second Season? Andy Casting For More Cities?

admin — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 03:09:20 +0000

It’s all fun and games until shit gets real. And it looks like it’s getting real ridiculous right now with the Real House Bitches of New York who apparently are at each others throat for REAL now.

These ho’s may have to be replaced according to insiders who are saying there is too much drama going on, “Things have gotten so bad that producers are worried that this cast can no longer film together,”. And the drama has really turned ugly now because these bitches won’t let anything go,“All the ladies have long memories and will not let the smallest thing go. The level of hatred at the moment is so high that it’s toxic and all consuming. It doesn’t make for good TV drama. Now it’s just petty and sad.”

Jill Zarin is especially pissed off and feels that she is getting ganged up on by the IHJZ blog. According to the insider the other housewives have met with the owner of the site and support the blog. This especially infuriates Jill, “This is nothing short of cyber-bullying, when your address is put out online and readers are encouraged to send condolence cards,” according to a friend of Jill, “This sort of behavior should be rejected by all the cast members, no matter how hot disagreements get on the show. It has stopped being a TV fight and is now a real life battle that is unacceptable.”

Ramona Singer openly admits she supports the site, “Its a goof, spoof, you can’t take it seriously,” She also says she don’t let the shit posted online get to her . “If I took all the negative things that were written about me — you need to have a sense a humor!” she says she likes the site, “I think [the hate site] is right-on and perceptive,”

Ramona says she admits she supports the site and is NOT distancing herself from it despite it’s name. Bethenny Frankel also admits she supports the IHJZ site and follows it on Twitter. The source adds, “Of the eleven people Bethenny follows on twitter, yes just eleven, the founder of the site is one,” and “Bethenny doesn’t support or follow anyone from Bravo, not even Andy Cohen, who cast her and made her rich and famous, yet she does follow a person who spills hate.”

Is it possible that there is too much drama going on and it’s becoming disturbing but how?

Also according to HollywoodLife.com Cindy Barshop and Alex Mccord will not be returning next season. If the rumor it’s true then that means that Bravo already started cleaning house and taking out the “gaw-bage”. In the same post it states that the Real Housewives Of Miami Lice has been renewed for a second season and Miss Andy is looking for new cities to cast despite statements he made earlier that he would not be looking for new House-ho’s to pimp out.

Sources

Huffingtonpost and HollywoodLife

Thanks to all my readers for the heads up on this gossip!

Real Housewives Of New York, Countess LuAnn – Chic, C’est La Vie (Parody) Kelly Bensimon Misses Bethenny Frankel And No Lizzie Grubman On Housewives

admin — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:37:54 +0000

Check out the video above, it was hilarious and horrifying at the same time!

Remember Lizzie Grubman? The woman that Ashley Holmes works for (for free), remember when Ashley flipped out in front of her and Jacqueline in that one episode because she has to drive to the city to her no pay-job and that’s why her step dad bought her a car (again). Well, that bitch declined an offer to be on Real Housewives of New York, because they can’t film you snorting lines of meth according to her she is too busy running over people with a car her PR firm and having a life to do this bullshit show.

Bravo is thinking about replacing the whole skank team with new fresh hotter meat. So that is exactly why I don’t understand why they asked Lizzie Grubman’ to join in the first place? WTF?

When she made her appearance on that one episode with Ashley she looked like she had been up for eight nights straight, with her nose in a mirror taking breaks every now and then by picking the scabs off her face.

From New York Post:

Power publicist Lizzie Grubman will not be on “Real Housewives of New York City.” Bravo is said to be looking to replace some or all of the current cast — Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord, Sonja Morgan, Ramona Singer, Countess LuAnn de Lesseps and Jill Zarin– in favor of younger, hotter housewives. But Grubman tells us that despite widespread buzz, they haven’t approached her. “Although I’m a huge fan of the New York housewives, being a mother, running a management and p.r. company and being bicoastal leaves me no time to be on a show.”

Also in other news because Kelly Looney Tunes is crazy I guess that bitch is saying she misses Bethenny Frankel now, and she is happy that Bethenny is doing well. THE FUCK?

Here is what she told Eonline:

“I love it when people do well,” she told me during our exclusive interview with her as she showed us around East Hampton. “The better that she does, the better the franchise of Housewives does.”

“Everybody…every single person…misses the altercations between Bethenny and I,” she told me while showing me around Wolffer Estate Stables (where Sonja Morgan took an on-camera tumble while horseback riding with Kelly). “For whatever reason, they just love the fact that we fight for four minutes of television. Do I miss fighting with her? I don’t like fighting. Do I miss her on the show? She was fun.”

Well I guess that’s good, maybe she stopped taking the chemical jelly beans and just went granola and that calms the psycho.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap, Chic, C’est la Merde

admin — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:43:24 +0000

(I don’t know how the title of this recrap sounds in French, but anytime I can find and use a new curse word in a foreign language I’m going to throw it in there. Enjoy!)

Ramona and Sonja go to the gym and get hit on by an old crusty man. Gonzo gets all excited and asks the old fart how much money he has and if he needs a date for the evening, but he turns her down so she gets sad and says goodbye to her possible could of been future ex-husband.

Also, while at the gym Ramona brags to Gonzo about what a wonderful mother she is to her daughter Avery (you know the one that complains that her and Mario are never around past 9:30pm) unlike LuAss who is only a weekend mother and who loves to slut around with every Tom, Dick and Harry-Balls in her pathetic music videos. Ramona brings up how LuAnn’s son Noel’s face fell out of embarrassment when he saw his mother laying around on “Money Can’t Buy You Class It Can Only Buy You Ass” video with a gang-bang of naked hot gay guys. How embarrassing!

Gonzo who is the old whore of New York says she didn’t think LuMan’s video was a slut flick, but Ramonzon insist that LuAnn’s video is Evil and she is sending a whore message that Ramonzon doesn’t agree with. Gonzo who is one Bravo paycheck away from the homeless shelter decides she will go along with Ramona’s bullshit this one time (you know just in case Ramona decides to come out of the closet and let Sonja move in with her and Mario!) and so decides she is not going to be on this video either.

Alex and Simon are having some kind of a hobo-barbecue complete with the package of 8 hot dogs for 99 cents, plus generic brand beer and Kool Aid. Alex dances around with the hot-dogs, trying to be sexy and fails miserably. Her son little Frankie who is now wearing his own Ride The Lightning Metallica shirt, innocently smacks her in the ass probably the same way he’s seen his drunken dad do that before many many times and Simon tells him to quit smacking what he can’t afford or some shit like that. It was freaking hilarious, then his little crazy ass decides to go find some booze to be part of the adult party. Simon tells him to put the booze down and wait until he is seventeen just like Simon did when he was a young punk growing up in Australia drinking Fosters and smacking tranni looking street walkers in the ass.

Simon asks Alex if she is planning on playing extra in the background of LuMan’s tranni video, but Alex says she refuses to participate in some bullshit ass video for an old bitch who thinks her shit don’t stink, even though her breath stinks like shit. Especially when her highness tells the ‘little people’ how to behave because while this delusional bitch was at the trailer park preparing to marry a rich old man, she never got the memo that you don’t use the word “class” to describe yourself because only bitches that live in double wides try to say that they are “classey”. This is what Alex’s mama taught her when she used to be a little rich hillbilly girl living in a mansion in Kansas surrounded by maids and servants because Alex’s daddy, who was almost 25 years older than her mama, was an oil tycoon.

So there you have it bitches! Our little awkward Alex comes from old oil money (according to her and I hope this is true!). And if you all dont’ believe her look at Simon’s destroyed liver, that shit must of taken years of drinking plus thousands of dollars to fuck it up, and Alex has his liver in a box in the closet along with the thousands of dollars of fugly ass expensive dresses and Herman Munster shoes, plus not to mention all those horrific man mumu’s and crazy ass, pleader spandex pants and all of the Rocky Horror picture show S&M wardrobe those fuckers wear. That crapola must cost thousands and thousands of trustfund dollars, plus all the times they blew money vacationing in St. Barts. Yep, Alex’s inheritance, that’s where these dipshits were getting all that money to party.

Jill jumps on the chance to get a free memory test because she likes free shit. And the beanie on her head is a “good look” for Jill specially if it was a lobotomy cap, then it would be perfect. She asks Sonja to meet her at the doctor’s appointment because that’s what people do when they are discussing being in some cheesey music video for some desperate bitch that other people feel embarrassed for.

Gonzo, who is the Senior whore of New York, tells Jill that she doesn’t want to be on this music video because all of the sudden, humping and grinding on young twenty-five year old model guys who may also do side work as male escorts that Gonzo could of easily picked up for an evening of hook up and cheap hooch is a bad example for Gonzo’s nine year old daughter who may see mommy doing these horrible nasty things, but all the other times the bitch was having her cottage cheese crusty ass hanging out while she forgot her panties and grinded on whatever men where present was perfectly okay.

Jill is not buying this bullshit story, and like a good used car salesmen she tells Sonja what she wants to do and insists that Sonja wants to do this music video. Gonzo breaks down and says it was Ramonzon who influenced her to not do the video. “BINGO!’

Meanwhile the poor doctor doing Jills memory work is pointing a gun to his head after hearing the trail of drama dribble out of these bitches psychotic mouths.

Ramonzon and her crazy eyes meet the Countless for an evening of confrontation and bitch slapping.

Actually LuAnn meets Ramona for lunch to convince her to be in LuAnn’s crap de la crap video. It was funny how LuAnn was begging this bitch to be in the video trying to use cult mind control techniques that don’t work on hurricane Ramona, and Ramona spits on LuAnn and says that she is not doing this bullshit ass desperation of old casino whore music video because it will set a bad example for her daughter Avery who disapproves of Ramona doing the video.

Ramona continues her spitfire attacks on LuAnn suggesting she is a bad mother who only sees her children on the weekends unlike Ramona who lives in the same house with Avery and spends a lot of time in the same house with Avery although she only sees her for like five minutes a day and this is while she is not sober, so Ramona has no idea what the fuck is going on, but still sees Avery for like five minutes, so that counts as better parenting according to Ramona’s Pinot Grigio injected brain.

LuAss gets pissed that this bitch is here criticizing her awesome Countless parenting skills after all, at least LuAss leaves her children with a hobo unlike Ramona who leaves Avery alone when Ramona is not there. Ramona brings up that she has the perfect family unit and LuAss asks Ramona about Mario and his cheating escapades “And how’s that going, by the way?”. Ramona says that the psychic was wrong and her eighteen- year open marriage is perfect unlike LuAnn’s ex-husband Count Chocula who cheated on that bitch left and right. LuAnn gets butt hurt and walks out because she knows it’s true.

Ramonzon should of just quit blaming Avery for not being allowed to do the music video and told LuAnn straight up she didn’t want to do her crappy video because she can’t stand LuAssHole and end it at that.

Horse ass teeth Cindy also gave LuAnn a lame ass excuse about not wanting to be in her music video because she was spending time with her children. WITH HER CHILDREN? You mean with the little people that she has no clue how to deal with? That she ends up pawning them off on Nannies and complaining that they keep her up all night? But I guess that’s what happens if you have children at the age when you really should be having grandchildren, you have no energy or patience on how to deal with them. For some lame reason LuAss accepted Cindy’s excuse for not doing the video.

Cindy and her horse teeth show up to Sonja’s house for some trailer park toaster oven eggs and juice. I have no idea why Sonja invited Cindy over for breakfast on a work day for work horse. Horse teeth Cindy shows up with all her work supplies which she spreads on Gonzo’s counter where she sets up an office and proceeds to take a business meeting conference call with all the other dipshits she works with to talk about pubes and while on her conference call Cindy shushes Gonzo, who is busy making Horse Teeth her breakfast.

Yep, Horse Teeth told Gonzo to shut the fuck up in her own damn house! I’m surprised Gonzo didn’t clonk that bitch with a frying pan, but then again she did the next best thing when she cursed her out in front of all her business associates who Cindy had on speaker phone (like an idiot) and Gonzo went off on her all ghetto and shit. I can just see the people in the conference call looking at each other in awkwardness while Cindy is getting the verbal bitch smack when Gonzo is dropping some ‘F” bombs in the background telling Cindy how “Fabulous” she is. That’s beautiful!

I wonder why Cindy had those people on speaker phone while she was acting all rude to Gonzo like that. Did she not think she was being ruuude and would piss off that other bitch who may or may not start yelling at her, did she not think that? Who the fuck goes to somebody else’s house to set up a makeshift office and get on a conference morning call while bossing the hostess around like a peon? WHO DOES THAT?

How does this bitch even run a business with these asshole manners? Cindy even pulled her twelve year old assistant out of her pocket and tells Sonja that “she don’t eat” when Sonja tried to pass the assistant some utensils so that Cindy can stuff her mouth. Either Cindy is too ignorant to know how rude she comes off, or she is just plain rude and can’t help stomp on everyone she comes across with her size fourteen hooves because the bitch looks like she has beast size feet!

LuAss is getting her poodle-doo for her music video (that only Jill and Kelly agreed to participate in) and of course her mouthy side kick Jill is there with her, bossing peons around, telling the director how to do his job, telling the hair stylist to redo LuAnn’s poodle hair and just sticking her imaginary expertise in everyone’s business(I think the whole crew was plotting her death).

LuAnn brags that she was inspired by a friend to just go out and do the video and of course because that bitch has to brag that she knows all the people who come from royalty she pulls a name out of her ass and says that it was ‘Princess La oum um um’ (she gets quieter when she says the name because she realizes she is going to get caught in her lie) that told her that inspirational shit. Yeah, sure LuAss you’re just best friends with the whole royal platoon you have a freaking secret members card to that elite club and we all believe you!

The poor bastard video director wants to pull his eyes out with blades because he has to work with these delusional old skanks (but especially Jill) and to shut them up he tells them that everything is ”great”. You can tell the director is embarrassed that he agreed to shoot this lame sorry ass excuse for a music video, but when there’s no work anywhere else and you were offered a bag of alley meth plus a half eaten turkey sandwich you take it, even if you have to work for a crazy bitch that thinks she is the next Madonna at age 52 or 62 or however old she is now.

They shoot parts of the video in the back alley of a casino hotel where all the hookers hang out (perhaps this was LuMan’s old stomping grounds?) and the rest in a limo (not a Hummer because LuMan felt a Hummer was not “classy”). Kelly shows up late to take a shit while running and that’s what she contributed to the video, while Jill contributed by bitching and complaining a diarrhea trail of stupid complaints the whole time she was there.

LuMan thinks her video is awesome and she should be because the director did an excellent job although he was about to jump out of the 17th floor hotel window, the director somehow still manage to capture LuMan’s faded youth, attention whore, desperation wrapped in menopausal delusions of grandeur.

I don’t think the people who worked for LuAnn can put this down on their resume especially the music director. Putting this video down on their resume may cause them to get laughed out of the business. But as long as LuAnn thinks this is the best music video that was ever made and everyone is not laughing at her, but with her, everything is-A-okay. Just keep thinking that LuAss! Just keep thinking that!

Alex and Simon are having some art gallery situation happening at their Vampire Bordello and Ramona drags Gonzo plus Mario who gets the nipple flash from Gonzo when they all arrive at Silex’s house. Mario’s eyes pop out.

Simon is drunk off his ass (again) from the previous seven nights of binge drinking and his ass looks like he hasn’t shaved or taken a bath or changed his holy shirt for a few days now.

Mario then loudly complains about having to drag his spoiled ass to this ghetto Brooklyn neighborhood and the whole room of Brooklyn hood rats look right at him and get offended. Ramona says she is embarrassed, but ya’ all know that this No Mouth-Filter bitch ain’t embarrassed of shit. She is just scared her and Mario will get jumped by the Brooklyn thugs the minute they walk out to the parking lot and she is planning to take off her shoes and run leaving Mario behind to save her own sorry ass and this is exactly what happened later on that night.

Alex, Ramona and Sonja decide to go take a dance class with Ramona’s daughter Avery because the best way to avoid the oil of old lady music video the Countless tried to sucker them into is by doing their best old drunken bitch dance while wearing raggedy ass clothes from the butthole of the 80’s Menopausal hot flash dance closet.

LuAnn de Lesseps Explains Why She Is Now A Blonde Plus Daughter Victoria Still Sneaking Out Of The House To Party All Night

admin — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 00:57:00 +0000

LuAnn de Lesseps decided to go blonde now, and here is her lame ass explanation for that: “I wanted to try something new,” she also wanted to channel Marilyn Monroe, “I wanted to look like Marilyn Monroe for a minute!”. I guess her boyfriend Pepi Lapoopie must be happy with her new blonde Kim Zolziak wig because she says she is going to stay a blonde for a while, “I’m definitely going to keep the new look for awhile.” And she says her boyfriend likes to pretend she is some blonde skank, “He’s having fun with this other woman,”.

Finally LuAnn admits she wanted to be blonde just like every other ho’ out there: “I’ve always wanted to be blonde. Every girl dreams of being blonde some time.”. Ok that’s fair I admit I like going as a blonde-ho’ too when I hit Vegas.

However,this dude Ted Gibson is straight up lying to LuAss and says that she looks younger with the blonde hair but I disagree: “I think she looks 20 years younger. It looks sexy and fresh,”. I think it’s the other way around, the blonde hair just doesn’t look good on her. Sorry bitch you made a cuter younger tranny with dark hair.

And here is LuAnn’s new video by the way. I recommend you watch it ONLY if you’re bulimic and need a break from sticking your finger down your throat:

A reader left this interesting comment here. According to my commenter about a month ago she was driving somewhere in Sagaponack (I guess that must be somewheres in New York?) when she literally came across none other than young Miss Victoria de Lesseps.

My commenter states she nearly hit Victoria and a gang of her friends with her car when they ran across the street barefoot and all of them were still drunk off their asses from the previous night that the toxic fumes from the alcohol were enough to make an elephant drunk.

Here is the comment copied and pasted:

Well four weeks ago in Sagaponack we were going out to get breakfast for the FAM. Guess who was walking with her friends in the middle of the street. She and her two guys friends had no shoes on wouldn’t get out of the middle of the road. Basically I had to stop the car or hit them. I asked if they wanted a ride and of course they said yes, very dazed. I asked on the ride to Bridge hampton Starbucks, what happened. They stank like liquor, my car filled up with the smell. They all said they went to a party and slept over, but when they woke up they jumped out the 2nd floor window. They had no shoes. I asked if they needed a ride home or to their Mom’s. Vicotria commented that she had sneaked out the night before and she was going to be very mad.

Truthfully I had no idea who these kids were until this morning. I turned on the TV while I was getting dressed and there she was with her mother planning some sweet 16 party.

Good luck LuAnn, maybe be a more involved parent would work, versus partying in Morroco

Real Housewives Of New York A Basket Case Of Moonshine Pinot Recap Episode 7

admin — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:18:40 +0000

The last string of post are all late recaps that I dind’t get to post because of the limited time I have. Starting with episode 5 on to 7. More late recaps coming up. Enjoy.

LuAnn decides to invite Sonja to lunch, to discuss a girl’s getaway in the hopes to have another Scary Island fuckdown. Gonzo shows up to the lunch date at some fancy schmancy restaurant looking tacky as usual and the waiter almost kicks that bitch out. He thought she was a homeless bag-weirdo that wondered in from the street because of the roadkill mangy getup that bitch was wearing.

Gonzo says she wants to go to Italy for the Truffle festival because ‘everyone’ that can afford it, is going to be there. But, Bravo is on a budget and tired to forking out the bill for these bitches expensive trips, plus LuAnn must be pitching in and the bitch must have some free flier miles to the economy version of Paris which, is Morocco. So LuAnn tells that bitch that beggars can’t be choosers and that all they can afford is Morocco, after all this is a free trip to the ghetto Paris of Europe so her ass better shut up and enjoy it.

LuAnn also makes sure to invite all the other house skanks on this trip, with the hopes that there will be a bitch smack-down Scary Island style and hopefully Kelly will be there too. (Even thought LuAnn says she don’t want Kelly there you know that’s bullshit because they all want to clown on that bitch).

Since LuAnn is the official concierge for Morocco and the self appointed bitch platoon leader she decides to wrangle in all the other bitches and so they are all off to Morocco to cause some shit. Great, now the United States is going to be at war with Morocco. LuAnn warns Ramona to not screw up this trip for everyone and that if she plans to flip out during the trip her ass can stay at home on time-out.

LuAss wants Ramonzon and Jillious to kiss and make up before going on this trip. Then LuAnn shoves a $1.50 key-chain clip on Koala in Ramona’s mouth that Jill gave Ramona to show her that she luuuuuvvees her to death. Literally!

LuAnn then tells Ramona that she looks unhappy and like she sleeps with the devil at night. I wonder if Mario knows he is the devil? After that, LuAnn warns Ramona that her friendship with Jill could end up in the toilet, like the Jill/Bethenny friendship. Unless Ramona calls Jill up to kiss her ass and make up.

Gonzo decides to do a cooking book, (not another one of those!) about cooking in a $5 dollar busted toaster oven that was picked at the Salvation Army. However, this ‘cook-book’ will not be having any recipes whatsoever, it will only have pictures of Gonzo’s scary ass, corpse-cooch because the bitch decided to do a complete smut-photo-shoot centerfold of her rotted va-jay-jay that will take up the entire book.

Gonzo invited Kelly over to freak her out while doing the vajay-jay photo-shoot. Gonzo flashes Kelly several times and Kelly is disgusted and appalled so she runs out of Gonzo’s house screaming in traumatized horror. While wearing her pant-less, underwear-less outfit.

Later on LuAnn Kelly and Jill show up to hangout with Cindy for some much needed ass-waxing sessions.

Kelly starts complaining and crying to the other bitches about how traumatized she is about seeing Gonzo’s infested corpse-crotch. They all start talking shit about Gonzo flashing that thing and how horrible it must of been for poor Kelly. Who is more nuts now as the result of this.

Kelly says she has never seen a woman’s cooch in her life. LuAss wonders how that bitch never seen a cooch but then she realizes that since Kelly doesn’t have one, it makes perfect sense that she’s never seen one.

LuAnn also says that the reason for Sonja’s cooch-flashing shenanigans is because she learned that shit from hanging around Ramonzon and drinking her Pinot-Moonshiner Backwoods Hooch. I call bullshit on that. Gonzo was already a member of the Old-Hags Gone Wild Club and she’s been flashing her muff way before I was even born.

Kelly then out of the blue-balls-whim starts crying about being in abusive relationships were she is the one doing the ass-kicking and getting hauled away to the male-jail for punching sissy men in the face. Kelly says the worst part was that in men-prison she only met “sharks, minnows, and bottom feeders”. LuAnn holds Kelly and cries with her.

This is were the blondes and brunettes divide started, on the other side of town all the blondes have gathered together for some plastic surgery gone wrong therapy.

Alex says that since she became a model she has to take better care of her skin and so she quit smoking crack. After that, they all get botox injections from a dirty needle they are all sharing and passing around, that came from the OC bitches biohazard trash.

Gonzo has the fat sucked out of her stomach to avoid sit-ups.

The discussions turns to the Morocco trip and drug smuggling vaginas.

Kelly says she doesn’t want to go to Morocco because of her fuckdown she had last time, and she is tired of having to sneak her meth in her Vagina Monocles on the plane when she goes to other countries because the show may turn into ‘Arrested Abroad’. Finally Kelly Looney Tunes admits the real reason for her fear of going on this trip is mainly because of ranging drunken Ramonzon who is only half Kelly Behemoths size but can take her down because when it comes to size, Ramonzon is like a wolverine she is an 80 pound animal that can take on a 200 pound Gorilla. Kelly is the Gorilla.

The other bitches really want Kelly to come (for entertainment, so she can go ball-shits crazy like last time), and Kelly decides to think about it.

Jill is having an anti-bullying fundraiser of some form, for children that are still too young for her to bully. So she will have to wait until their 18. Then she can bully them. Alex shows up to stuff gift bags to this event and Jill warns Alex to keep her pit-bull Ramonzon on a short leash while at the fundraiser.

Ramonzon arrives armed with a case of Pinot Bathtub Moonshine, that is supposed to be donated to the event but the bitch ends up guzzling almost the whole thing by herself before she even arrives. Ramonzon keeps getting hammered and verbally abusing everyone around her, this includes Jill and the waiters who are now traumatized. Then she goes on a bitch slapping rampage.

LuAnn shows up to save the day and is excited to show up at a fundraiser for bullying so that she can start bullying all the other bitches present. But, specially Ramona whom she walks up to and smacks her in the back of her fat head, for kidnapping and keeping designer David Meister in her basement while hogging him from the other bitches and forcing him to spin gold in a wheel while making her old-whore outfits from Satan’s hair.

After a little more slapping around LuAnn tells Ramona no one wants to go with Ramona on this trip to Moroco-co because of her crazy drunken ass and the fact that she scares people. Alex stands by Ramona like her trained bitch ready to jump LuAnn. Ramonzon finally erupts at LuAnn yelling “I have to answer to you now?”. It seems that ever since LuAss lost her Countess bought title she has to compensate by bossing and bullying bitches around 110 times more than she did before.

LuAnn insist that Jill confronts Ramona and puts the smack down on that bitch in front of all the guest that payed $200 for a table at this bitch-bullying event. Jill refuses to confront Ramona because she is scared of her and LuAnn stands there taunting Jill about how her big fat ass is scared of Ramona who is burly five feet tall. I’m sure LuAnn has a chapter in her book that talks about confronting bitches while at charity events and also taunting them into a fight just for shits and giggles because that’s ‘assy-classy’ just like LuAss.

Kelly Bensimoron arrives pantless, late and full of meth like always. Then she loudly announces to everybody and their momma that Bravo will fire her punk ass if she doesn’t go to Moroco-co and make a fool of herself.

Ramonzon gets more slurry incoherent and drunk as always and LuAss berates her for having a drinking problem since now the bitch has to haul around a case of vino to stay drunk all day. I have to agree with Countless LuAss, that bitch does have a drinking problem but that’s why she all sorts of scary fun.

Kelly stands there pant-less and telling Ramonzon to wear a longer skirt because she can see her butt-cheeks. Ramona is too drunk to care and when lunch is served and Jill’s stepdaughter Jennifer gives a speech (Jennifer was bullied as a child and has a condition with her face, I’m not being a clown to this girl) stupid ass Ramona sits there calling the girls face ’deformed’ and yelling at the designer some nonsensical bullshit about her Pinot-Hooch. And for the first time I sided with Jill because she looked truly hurt by Ramonzon’s insensitive comment at her stepdaughter. That was harsh. Even Alex is pissed off and embarrassed at that bitches stupidity and lack of sensitivity. Unbelievable!