Because Teresa called Melissa a gold-digging tramp, that would leave her current husband, Tree’s brother, for a wealthier sugar daddy when she shakes her ass for quarters at the clubs while screaming into the microphone. Melissa confronts Tree and demands an apology that never comes from Teresa because now she is pissed that Melissa called Barney Devito’s brief stay at Club Med  ( I don’t want to say jail and offend anybody here, big ole’ eye roll) ‘JAIL’ and so these bitches manage to turn the Summer Solstice Gathering  into The Summer Solstice Gathering That Went Horribly Wrong. Only the RHONJ wild beast in 7 inch heels can ruin a purity party with fucking fairies and third eyes.

So this is how shit went down, Jacqueline shows up at Teresa’s shore shack to help her put makeup on and get ready for a boat trip. While Jacqueline is making up Tree to look like Crusty The Clown’s tranny twin, she is asking her questions about why her ass keeps going to the rag-mags and spills out all her business but, then expects her friends and family to shut the fuck up when they’re gossiping about her. When instead Teresa should of gone and spill her beans to her friends and family in the first place so, this way they can rag-mag on her ass with no pay.

Teresa explains to Jax how her comment to Psycho Midge Joey was only done with love, and to warn him that his bitch wife may leave him for a fatter bank account. Why with all of Mel’s appearances at clubs and whatnot some bigger king pin may snag that ho’ when Joey is not looking.

Soon after that, the Gorgas and Wikipedia’s show up at Teresa’s shore shack, who brought along Rosie and Kathy’s mom to watch the kids while the bitches and their husbands board a boat to get drunk and fight.

While Kathy’s mom Rosie and the teenage Wikipedia kids are watching the small children everyone is off on the boat ride. However, this time the fun is happening at the shore shack outside on the sidewalk, where the little wild Gorga/Giudice miniature beasts are running amuck on the streets and a car damn-near runs over little Audriana who Rosie has to grab in a mad dog rush and while she is grabbing Audriana, little Joey Gorga Jr  (I think it was little Joey Gorga Jr, I’m writing this from memory here) is trying to ride his bike over a moving car and all the other little monkeys are going apeshit . That’s what happens when you have a mixture of Gorga/Giudice ADD-DNA mixed with a bag of sugar per kid, it’s a deadly combination. Rosie who was suckered into watching these out-of-control mini versions of their parents (that’s scary) was thinking in her head THIS IS WHY I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN!  Noo shit! This is why I only did that shit ONCE! After that mini hurricane of crazy, poor Rosie needed a scotch a SERIOUS SCOTCH!! This is what she gets for agreeing to watch those wild beasties. But, at least there was enough wine and liquor in that house to keep her drunk for a couple of months.

On the boat ride everyone is uncomfortable and Jacqueline who likes to pretend ‘everything is fine!’ starts talking shit about how the godmother Caroline Manzo is going through menopause and this is the reason she is a bitch. I believe it! I also think Caroline was born with menopause since she is been a bitch since she was a baby. Just look at her offspring Caroline Jr, she is been going through menopause since before the show started! Is in the Manzo genes.

The awkwardness gets more awkward when, Teresa and Richie get into an argument over who deserved to get punched in the face more, Richie or Barney Devito. Midget Psycho Joey thinks Tree was brainfucked by Barney Devito the way he got brainfucked by Melissa. Then, they all force themselves to smile for a family picture.

At the Manzo compound Lauren continues to whine about how fat she is. Her momma Caroline says YES YOU ARE! And then proceeds to remind Lauren not to hate her brothers because they’re beautiful golden thin children but, it’s not their fault. Since this wasn’t enough humiliation, while Lauren and Vito are cooking dinner all the other Manzo fuckers start gang-punking on how fat Lauren and Vito are, and how lard-assy and huge their future children will be and the only advantage those children will have is they will be able to beat up on Albie and Christopher’s future thin gifted attractive children. Lauren is all sad and acknowledges that Vito only likes Shore Whores with tight butts and surfboard abs. To rub salt in that wound, like any good brother would, Albie pulls out a photo of his current girlfriend (you mean Gregg?) and tells Lauren that’s the kind of skank Vito likes. While Albie was clowning on Lauren’s fatness the godmother Caroline just laughed it off like her sons are so cute for doing that and Lauren was about to cry. Later on, when the cameras left Lauren ate a 20 lb. tub of ice cream while washing it down with her tears.

And finally all the bitches go to Jacqueline’s Summer Solstice party hosted by her psychic Tia. Psychic? I call bullshit on that, for one she hasn’t won the lottery yet, for two she couldn’t predict that inviting the embarrassing RHONJ ho’s was going to only RUIN that purity party which is why they were all required to wear white. They should of worn riot squad gear instead.

While at the party Mel decides to talk with Caroline about her favorite subject TERESA. Caroline tells Melissa that since Tree is the new Joker Face (same speech different bitch) and an asshole she is trying to destroy the family because she hates Melissa. Really? Besides Caroline what else is old?

Teresa shows up at the Solstice Party with Kim D (that bitch is still alive?) and is pissed that her brother Midget Psycho Joey has repeated to Mel the dig warning Tree gave him on that bitch being a gold-digger who will walk out on him if a richer man comes along.

The Third Eye Fairies give everyone a third eyeball, but I believe with these fucktwits that shit is blind deaf and dumb, so there’s no hope for them. Not even with a third eye.

Rosie pulls Tree to the side so nobody could hear them except the cameramen and all of the TV audience watching this craziness, and starts bringing up the bullshit about the gold-digger comment between Tree and her Midget brother. Rosie tells Teresa she just wants everyone to shut the fuck up, cut the bullshit and party, she also says she is surrounded by a bunch of stupid idiots and now she needs more liquor.

Everyone agrees that Teresa’s  true motive for that gold-digging comment is because she is a jealous bitch with a husband who has cheating issues and is projecting onto the Gorgas the current situation in her own marriage. Supposedly Midget Psycho Joey was the one who found out that Barney Devito was cheating on Teresa and he is the one who threatened Barney Devito with telling Tree all about it. Teresa ended up discovering the questionable text on Barney Devito’s phone.

Tree tries to sweep that shit under the rug because she is embarrassed and then forces Jacqueline to be on her side, or else.

Soon after that Mel and Tree get into a bitching spewage over how Midget Joey never called Tree when Barney Devito was someone’s bitch at the fabulous jail house. Tree gets all batshit crazy and offended that this bitch mentioned ‘jail’ when according to Teresa the proper term is ‘he went away,’ and so Tree turns this comment into a fight, just like Mel and Joey turned the gold-digging dig into a big ole’ fight. Shit never ends with these fucktards. After  Teresa gets horribly offended she runs out of the party all pissed off.

Mel goes back to cry to Mama Manzo and starts singing her same tired victim song “I tried,  she is nuts I don’t know what the fuck happened” and Caroline agrees with the whole thing and calls Teresa a bully. Turd meet the dingle-berry!

Kathy says that old Mafiosos use the word ‘away’ instead of jail because that’s old school Mafioso respect and understands why Teresa flipped out. But, doesn’t understand why she is using old school terminology when nowadays going to jail is like saying he went on vacation and nobody gives a shit anymore. Besides, why is this ho’ tripping all of her and her husband’s dirty chones have been airing out their stinky odors since she started appearing on this Bravo Circus; same goes for everyone else.

While Teresa is running in her hooker stilettos to her car, Jacqueline, Kim D and the socalled psychic Tia are chasing her down begging her not to leave. Tia is brave enough to grab Tree’s arm, bitch better watch out Tree has gorilla strength and may send her flying across the parking lot onto a parked car the same way she tossed Miss Andy like a rag doll during that one reunion. I wonder if maybe Tia has never watched this show and that may explain why she has balls.

After much negotiating (as if Teresa was holding hostages and the other bitches were cops) she agrees to talk to Mel under the condition that she don’t bring up Barney Devito’s vacation in Club Med.

When Mel goes out to confront Tree in the parking lot, the bitches are going back and forth and yelling at each other. So much for fairy dust, third eyes and harmony!  Melissa starts demanding an apology from Tree Beast for saying she will leave Midget Joey for a fatter wallet to suck on. Teresa says that if Joey would of just kept his big bitch mouth shut and kept the comment in confidence (but forgets how to pronounce confidence and says confidante or some stupid shit)  this shit-storm would have been avoided. It’s called stirring shit up for the cameras Tree, you done that before.

The argument goes on and on and gets louder and louder plus these bitches are waving their arms around throwing gang signs and shit like that. They argue about gifts, and their kids birthdays and about how Barney Devito throws away the gifts that Mel brings the Giudice girls and who is a bigger bitch than who. Teresa tries to leave but Mel stops her and yells ‘walk away coward like you always do!’ Then, Teresa comes back getting into full orangutan fight mode and we cut to commercials.

Okay so I’m a sick whore and was hoping these bitches where going to scratch each other’s eyes out and throw Louboutin shoes at each other using the heels as weapons all while in the glamorous parking lot where all the bitch chola fights happen with this crew. But, NOOOOO!

We start this episode with the continuation of Ashley Holmes getting kicked out of her mom and stepdad’s house in New Jersey and into the fun non-stop partying Sin-City of Vegas. Albie Manzo is sent to babysit drive Ashley and make sure she gets on that plane. Yeah, that went real well.

Now lets visit the Giudice’s at their empty money laundering front Pizzeria that apparently is shut down now. Supposedly since Barney Devito couldn’t drive himself to work and get ‘those lunches out on time’ he had to go out of business. But, don’t worry Barney Devito is crafty and has a new scheme up his sleeve, he is going to light a match and burn down the gas station across the street owned by one Richie Wikipedia, and turn that shit into an old folks social security/ medicare scam of some sort.  But, Richie Wikipedia doesn’t know his ass is getting ‘evicted’ from his gas station yet.  But, he will and this is because paybacks are a bitch. More on that later.

Since we are in the subjects of shit shutting down let’s visit with Lauren Manzo aka Godmother Caroline Manzo Jr. Remember that cosmetics front store she opened last season when she had Ashley draw her  T-shirts with crayons then she bitched her out and whatnot? Well apparently the next day, yes you heard that correct THE NEXT DAY Lauren closed shop. Lauren had some hissy fit over people not kissing her ass enough or some shit. So, she didn’t even have that store opened for a punk ass 10 minutes when she decided to fold up and go home to cry to mommy who fed her a buffet of  1/16^th Italian fried meatballs until Lauren gained more weight so this way Godmother Manzo can have a story line and tell the world how fat her daughter is.  Since when do you open a store and not even give it a chance? She closed shop the next day?  Now I know why Lauren is always crapping on Ashley, she is hoping that pointing the finger at Ashley’s non-stop, conga-line of partying will make people not notice her failing attempts at having a business. Lauren has no room to talk about what a loser Ashley is. But, since Godmother Manzo couldn’t get Lauren on ‘The biggest Loser’ since that’s the show she should go on; she takes her to some hippie doctors that’s going to put Lauren on some Anorexia diet hoping that if she loses some weight her cosmetics store will be more successful and people will kiss Lauren’s skinny size four ass. Size four? Now you’re pushing it bitch!

And since those fried 1/16^th Italian meatballs get around they are making an appearance at Jacqueline’s get-together where fried meatballs are the main dish.  The Giudice’s are also making an appearance so they can get bashed by everybody some more work things out.

Ashley purposely misses her flight.  It appears that Albie was unable to carry on this mission and strap ‘Ke$ha’  on that one-way plane to Vegas.  Ashley walks in and says hi to everyone like it’s no big deal she had missed her flight because she couldn’t find any straw-NyQuil to suck on and powdered donuts to snort on. Chris decides to take Ashley to the airport himself first thing in the morning. But, not until he tells Ashley she has no commonsense and her little brother CJ who knows how to operate the vacuum better than Ashley because he can follow directions would of NOT  missed the flight.

When Teresa shows up everyone purposely ignores her while she is trying to speak, they seem tired of hearing her. Finally she makes herself loud enough and brings up that she is apologizing AGAIN over the so called jokes she spewed out in her books. Tree asks her brother Midget Psycho Joey if he read her first book, and Psycho Joey gets all pissed off this bitch  even asked him if he read her book or not, since EVERYBODY KNOWS Joey doesn’t know how to read and now Teresa’s constant questioning and unrequested advice to read her book is making everyone in the room uncomfortable. AAAWKWAAARD!

Melissa changes the convo and tells Tree they will take one in the ass for the team so she can make a buck or some shit. Truth be told they all take one in the ass when they’re in a reality show in order to make a buck.

Meanwhile in the basement where I guess the cameras where not allowed, a fists fight occurred between Barney Devito and Richie Wikipedia, over who is the shortest Joe. Barney Devito or Midget Joey. Since Barney Devito has little dick syndrome he got all pissed off at Richie Wikipedia and went to grab his balls, Richie turned around and hit him in the head with some sort of candlestick holder and this gave Barney Devito a black eye and bloody nose, this is the reason he is out for vengeance against Richie Wikipedia and will burn down his gas station to open up an old folks swingers home. Old people need to get laid too. And can you believe none of this bullshit got caught on camera!

Later on Barney Devito is at home drinking the pain of his lost fight away and has the guys over for some fun gossipy time. While Barney Devito was pouring wine, his children where running amuck and one of them I think it was Milania (I’m writing this from memory) punches Albie in the nuts. While Barney Devito cooks the food his daughter Milania tells him he is not a cooker he is a hooker. Maybe that’s why he was trying to grab Richie’s balls?

When the other men bring up Barney Devito’s drivers license ordeal he brings up his brother-in-law Psycho Midget Joey’s inability to pay his bills on time. The other men are friends with Midget Joey so the whole combo was  AWKWARD! During a talking heads interview, Chris Laurita says that he lost respect for Barney Devito for being a 40 year old loser who uses other people’s birth certificate to get a drivers license. Can’t believe Bravo is trying to make the men be gossipy Sunday-bitches also.

Back at the Wikipedia home we find out that young Master Wikipedia has a young girl send him naked pictures of herself. His dad Richie Wikipedia is all sorts of proud of his son who is now ‘ a full grown man’ and can look at naked bitches.  His momma Kathy however, is disgusted that a young lady would be such a floozy and send her son those porn shots. While all this shit was going on Richie was busy eyeballing that young ho’ s pictures because he is going to save those pics for his son later so he can get his mack on.

Later on Melissa is trying to sing a ballad in her homegrown music studio and her producer tells her to sing like she means it. Even though this bitch tries, it still doesn’t work until the producer auto tunes the shit out of that song and suddenly Melissa is an award winning ballad songstress. Maybe Gretchen Rossi should of hired this auto tune master for her Pussycats Doll Disaster.

And finally Melissa makes a romantic dinner for her and Midget Psycho Joey who has to shout across the 10 foot long dinner table and thinks Melissa is preggers again; until she tells him she is just presenting him her new song and he decides to get that bitch drunk so he can knock her up with a little Gorga baby. AGAIN!

Teresa Giudice tried to make amends with Caroline Manzo, on the last episode of RHONJ and Caroline pretty much told her to fuck off, Caroline also threaten Bravo with walking out if Teresa remains on the show. Well then, don’t let the door hit you in your culo on the way out Caroline!

Even though Teresa’s apology wasn’t welcome by Caroline, she is still trying to apologize this time she even took her apology to In Touch Weekly; where Tree has written apology letters to all her ho-stars including her SIL Melissa Gorga.

From In Touch Weekly:

“All of this drama seemed insignificant after I was exposed to people with real problems.” And so, in an attempt to bury the hatchet, Teresa, 39, has written open letters to Jacqueline, Melissa, Kathy and Caroline. “I wish I could take it all back and start over,” she confesses.

In her open letter to Jacqueline, Teresa writes, “Dear Jacqueline, I wish we could have resolved things sooner because I’m sincerely sorry for upsetting you — and I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your apology on Twitter. I feel like things have gotten out of hand, which is sad. I miss our friendship. I miss being like Lucy and Ethel with you. And so I hope we can work through these problems one day, when you are ready. Teresa xoxo”

Other juicy rumors swirling around this mess is that Melissa is demanding more money for making an ass out of herself on national TV and for her family ties getting ruined. Although, I doubt she gives two shits about their raging-crazy, family feuds.

“There is now a lot of fighting going on about money – who deserves the most and who doesn’t,”

“Melissa wants more money because she feels like she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with all the damage that’s been done to her personal life.”

Tree and Jax are trying to mend fences via Twitter. But, I doubt that Caroline Manzo will give Jacqueline clearance to make peace with Teresa:

Aaand Reality Tea also got an exclusive about Barney Devito’s rumored cheating ways. But, then again like Phaedra Parks would say everyone already knows that.

From Reality Tea:

 “Joe always had the attitude, ‘what would she do without me?’,”

Teresa “likes a nice life and he ‘used to’ give that to her.”

Supposedly, Teresa use to not care or at least tolerate and pretend to not care where Barney Devito was, this was back in the day when he used to bring home the bacon:

Teresa  “didn’t care where he went and what he did.”

According to the source, Barney Devito has also been known for staying out for days at a time and Tree had no clue where he was at, the poor thing had to call her father or brother to track down Barney Devito. THAT SUCKS!

“Teresa has had to deal with Joe and his infidelities for years. There were times Joe was gone for days and she didn’t know where he was,”

But, now that Tree is the one bringing in the money and Barney Devito stays home she doesn’t really need his cheating ass anymore and is more confrontational about his cheating ways.

The Melissa sisters gossipy source continued:

“Teresa comes from a place where the woman ‘worships’ her husband. Teresa’s mother worships her father. Her brother loves and worships his wife,”

“Teresa wishes she married someone who would have treated her the way her brother treats his wife.”

Barney Devito is also rumored to sniff up Teresa’s friend and makeup artist skirt.

See photo below:

COCHINO!

But of course Teresa keeps on denying all of this mess and told Wetpaint:

“Joe and I have a very solid marriage.”

And insist, “very difficult time for us.”

“We were both frustrated and reacting out of emotion and exhaustion.”

If all of these rumors about Barney Devito are for sure, sure true then, how sad for Tree to have to put up with a cheating asshole, while she keeps trying to paint a faux smile on her face!  POBRECITA!

The New Jersey House Flies are back on, and since they all have boring lives with uninteresting story lines they have all decided to continue to ‘burn’ that witch Teresa at the stake with Caroline Manzo as the Captain godmother of the Teresa Bashing Bus.

This episode starts with everyone hanging out at the Wikipediases house while having some sort of Barbeque thing going on and of course since that party was getting boring they decide to bring up their favorite subject and talk about Teresa and the shit she wrote in her cookbook about everyone in New Jersey. Those ribs sure looked yummy now I want barbecued ribs.

Richie Wikipedia reads out loud from the Teresa’s cook/bash-book about how everyone sucks ass, and Melissa doesn’t want anyone reading that shit out loud in front of her husband Psycho Midget Joey because he doesn’t know how to read and will find out what Tree said. Wait, didn’t they already read this to him? Everyone says that Tree has changed because she is now a full blown Attention Whore Personality Disorder skank. Yeah, because NOT ONE of them suffers from that shit, only Tree does!

Jacqueline is also having a get-together to stir the shit between Teresa and Caroline some more and so invites Tree over. Before Teresa shows up everyone is again talking about Teresa and what an asshole she is and blah, blah, blah.

Caroline Jr. I mean Lauren, I mean Caroline Jr brings up that lazy slob Ashley and how she is out  partying and getting wasted with her friends because NO ONE AT THE AGE OF 20 DOES THAT! NO ONE!  Caroline Jr also wonders why Ashley is not at home hanging around her fambly and her momma complaining about her bunions and backaches and talking shit about Teresa because that’s what a normal 20 year old does. At least they already picked a scapegoat to shit on when Teresa gets the Miss Andy boot to the culo.

When Teresa shows up you can hear the record scratching and you can cut the tension with a butter knife.  All the Manzo kids look at Teresa like she just ate a shit sandwich and still has a butt-mud dingelberry stuck to her hairy chin. Teresa just acts like her normal oblivious self (like she don’t know what the fuck is going on and everything is peachy) and then, Tree takes Caroline outside for an ass whooping, and that was the end of the season, just kidding.

They go outside and talk about the dreaded evil cookbook and how it has caused poor 1/16th Italian Caroline and her offspring so much painful distress. Tree tries to apologize to Caroline and says that she was just kidding when she said all that mean shit and didn’t think Caroline and the other fools would read it since Tree thought they can’t read just like her bro Psycho Joey and possibly her husband Barney Devito. But, that bitch ain’t having it and doesn’t tell Tree she loves her. How stupid why did Tree even tell Caroline that she loves her? She knows that bitch hates on her.

Later on all the ho’s get ready to visit their summer beach shacks at the Jersey Shore. Psycho Midget Joey tells Melissa that Teresa told him Mel would leave him if she found a fatter wallet to fuck on. Melissa is offended and is about to shit on her 250 plus pair of shoes rack that looks like the sales rack at Strippers Shoes R Us.

The Wikipedias are also packing and we find out they pack lube. Kathy wants Richie to hide that shit so no one will know except for the cameramen and all of America on national TV that they use ass lube. For Richie. EEEUUUUWWWWW!!!!!

Back at the Giudice’s future mob boss of the mob, Milania is beating on her sisters and calling Gia a ‘stupid pooper’ while her doting father Barney Devito looks at her lovingly for learning new insults and also for kicking her sisters ass on a daily basis while entertaining dad Barney Devito in his new boring life as House Husband, who now has to be the Mister Mom while Teresa is out pimping her cookbooks and hustling on Celebrity Apprentice to keep his trifling ass out of jail. What happened to this fools construction bodega laundering bizness?

After everyone is packed they all pile up in their car to head to the Jersey Shores and Tree starts confronting Barney Devito on the cheating shenanigans he was up to the previous night. Barney Devito admits he was out with a gang of bitches and both Teresa and Gia start questioning his shady ways. Barney Devito can’t take the heat and yells at Gia to SHUD UP AND STAY OUT OF HIS BIZNESS!

I feel real bad for Gia, must suck to have to deal with been a preteen and have your family’s business dirty chones out there to air out like that. Teresa tells Barney Devito that Gia knows he is a cheater because she KNOWS HOW TO READ unlike Teresa’s brother Psycho Midget Joe and has read about his cheating ways in the tabloids so he better keep that shit in his pants. This doesn’t even faze Barney Devito and his answer is ‘this is the life we chose!’ And for once I agree with him.

Once the Giudice clan reaches their destination dad Barney Devito gets this slide whatchamathingy off the roof of the car and gets it ready to set up until he uncovers the nasty rotted center that’s covered in mouse poop and maggots. He carried that shit all the way to the shore and didn’t bother checking it first? I wonder how rat infested their marble mansion is. All the girls including mom Teresa are freaking out while Barney Devito has to deal with touching that nasty tarp to throw it away.

Jacqueline apparently now has a life coach, who is basically a guy that she cries to about what an Assholey Assholey is. Jax complaints that Ashley goes out to get drunk and then can’t drive home so she calls her parents to pick her drunk ass up. Chris and Jacqueline rather have a drunk Ashley drive home. By the way how does that punkass spell her name again? I forgot!

Caroline visits the aging doctor to find out why she is moody and headachy and bitchy all the time and he tells her that she is old, and needs new friends. DUH! YA’ THINK?!

Melissa and Psycho Midget Joe plus their children arrive at their shore shack, which is in complete shambles since Joe decided to make that shit like the Bellagio OC home Baby Joker Face lives at. But, instead Psycho Joe got an algae infested pool, piles of putrid trash, and a bum that was sleeping in an empty room. Joe is willing, ready and able to stay there but, Melissa threatens to withhold the nookie from him if he forces her to stay there. No Gorgasms for him. So, they all end up with bags in hands and kids under their arms at the door of the Wikipedia’s. Who have 20 people sleeping in a 2 bedroom house.

At the rented shore house the Gorgas and Wikipedias talk about Teresa some more and her troubles with Barney Devito going to prison and being someone’s bitch, until Mama Maria tells them to shut the fuck up.

Kathy’s sister Rosie says she doesn’t get attacked by Teresa because she is no threat to her since unlike Skinny Italian Teresa, she is chunky, Teresa has beautiful long flowing hair and Rosie has a butch haircut, while Teresa lives in a huge fucking marble castle, Rosie lives at home with her momma. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!! FUNNY AND TRUE SOMEONE GIVE THIS BITCH HER OWN SHOW!

Psycho Ass Midget Joe says he will take care of his sister whose peddling her sorrow stories to the tabloids for cash and her husband may go to jail.

Caroline, Lauren and Jacqueline all go take a power walk while drinking black  sewer water. Jax notices the construction workers do not notice her anymore because she says she is getting old. See, Caroline should of just checked with the construction workers just like Jax did instead of paying a doctor to tell her she is getting old. Lauren wonders why they’re not looking at her she is not getting old but, I think because she hangs around this gossipy sowing circle of middle aged bitches the construction workers are just confusing her for Mama Manzo.

Back at the Jewsey Shores the Giudice/Gorga fambly meet at the beach and while the kids go out and play in the water, Teresa and Midget Psycho Joe talk about their family feuds. Midget Joe tells Tree she is defensive and in denial of her money and Barney Devito philandering troubles. Then, he brings up how he loaned Tree 25k when she needed it.

Tree jumps on him about how everyone fights over jealousy and money and finally they decide to just deal with each other and sweep the turd under the rug, until shit gets ugly again. And it will.

Lets visit with ‘poor me’ Jacqueline, who is still running on that Complaining About Ashley Marathon. Apparently Jacqueline had family in Vegas who are willing to take a now blonde asslips injected Ashley in.  Chris decides enough is enough and is giving Ashley an ultimatum. Either go to Vegas (and party your ass off at the clubs overthere) or get kicked out into the cold New Jersey night. I would choose to go to Vegas, fuck it. At least overthere she can get a job as a pole polisher with that blonde Kim Zolciak flea infested wig she is sporting now. But, I am lost didn’t this child move to LA? Can’t keep up with this shit.

Sorry for my absences on these recaps. Life and extra overtime at work has really taken it’s toll on me but, for those of you who read this blog already know I will be here posting this shit daily sometime in the Summer because I am getting laid off from my day job. For those of you who didn’t know, now you do. So, for now I will try to post as many recaps as time allows.

Also I wanted y’all to check out these links below to some funny ass spoof videos of the house skanks, this was send to me a few weeks ago by a fellow blogger Flipit from TV Gasms (I love their recaps) and again I didn’t have too much time to post but, I want you all to go check out the spoof video it’s hilarious. Also another link got send to me from Bravo’s publicist Emily Garvey. Where house husbands are exictedly waiting for the new season of the New Jersey skanks to start like it’s the Superbowl!

Here is the links. Enjoy!

Real Men Watch Real Housewives

Video Spoof TVGasms

More TVGasms Spoof’s

Love you all

The Boss Lady

New Jersey House Skanks have always followed the tradition of Caroline and ho-stars against one bitch, and since Joker Face made her exit the one bitch that got singled out and chosen to be the Pinata of the show was Teresa Giudice and this coming up season will be no different. Teresa’s ho-stars have gone so far in their hatred against her that now the bitches refuse to be seeing, photograph or do any type of promotion with this bitch.

From Huffington Post:

“It is so ugly between Teresa and the rest of the cast that they can’t even be in the same room with each other,”

“But this isn’t one-sided, and the hate goes both ways. Caroline Manzo, Kathy Wakile, Jacqueline Laurita and Melissa Gorga want nothing to do with Teresa, and she wants nothing to do with them.”

The Melissa insider, reveals that this season will be the most dramatic and that the other bitches may not want to return for another round. Also season four started filming while season five was still playing.

“This season is the most dramatic yet,” one cast member tells me. “It got so ugly that I’m not sure any of us will want to return for another season if Teresa remains on the show. The betrayal and backstabbing is heartbreaking. I have not seen how it will be all edited together yet, but let’s just say everyone will get to see [Teresa’s] true colors.”

 Caroline Manzo put her fity-cent in and says Tree got a serious case of Attention Whore Personality Disorder (since Caroline is nothing like that!) Snot meet the bugger. Caroline told Life & Style:

 ”Fame is like a drug,”  “If you don’t have your feet planted solidly on the ground, it can really take you for a trip.”

Some random person that owns a store also put her opinion in about Tree’s wild ways:

“Teresa has an unhealthy need to be the best,”

Also Tree’s cousin Kathy Walkile says that she tried to reason with Tree by handling her with “kid gloves” and more blowouts went down when Teresa told her brother that his wife Melissa would leave him for a bigger wallet:

 But Melissa found herself under attack after Teresa told her brother (Melissa’s husband, Joe) that Melissa would leave him for a richer man. “It hurt so bad,” Melissa tells Life & Style. “There’s just no reason to ever say something like that.”

But, Teresa insists is all those other bitches who are in the wrong and feels pissed that her friends kicked her to the curb to kiss ass on her family:

“In a perfect world, I’d be closer with my family,” Teresa tells Life & Style. “Or, at the very least, my friends would help me repair those relationships rather than attempt to cause additional problems between us.”

These ho’s are coming back  this  Sunday April 22 with new shenanigans.

How things have changed; on season one Teresa Giudice used to go on mad shopping sprees., throwing hundred dollar bills as she skipped along the isles of various boutiques and furniture stores, blowing thousands of dollars as she pleased on all kinds of shit and bragging about how she didn’t like living in used linoleum floor houses, and how she was a happy wife with a happy life and no budget limitations.

Fast forward to now and Teresa has gone through financial problems, lawsuits, embarrassing shit, fought with every relative, friend and their mamma etc.  And now she is going around shopping at discount stores, (where she never would of shopped before) and apparently while shopping at Marshall’s in Totowa NJ her credit card got declined. Teresa then got all embarrassed and looked around asking to borrow a 100 dollar bill to pay for her shopping.

Teresa is also now realizing that Reality TV ruined her life and killed her relationships with her family and friends. Something she didn’t want to admit in the past.

Teresa realizes that she:

“traded family and friends for fame”

Teresa also says that her and Jacqueline used to be close before this housewives ordeal:

“My Housewives experience has completely changed. Jacqueline and I had a wonderful relationship for about 10 years. We were great friends, but not anymore. It’s so sad. We actually went through a ‘friends divorce’, which is so hard.”

Teresa is still pissing bricks that she was not notified, her brother and SIL would be joining the show and says :

“I felt deceived.”

She also hasn’t spoken to her brother for a while:

“I haven’t spoken to my brother since before Christmas. We haven’t gone this long without talking in my whole life! I’d have to say that reality TV ruined our family, and it’s a disgrace.”

Thanks to all my readers that posted and emailed me links to this juicy piece of gossip!

The Real House Bitches Of The New Jerseys will be coming back in April with it’s fourth season. Last season introduced us to Teresa’s sister in law Melissa Gorga and cousin Kathy Wakile. This set the foundation for Teresa to go from the Bitch of the show on season 3, to the full Asshole that everyone hates on the show on the coming season 4 because suddenly all of them including Caroline hate her because they are all a bunch of assholes, Teresa also.

There will be appearances by  ex-house wife Dina Manzo who is no longer speaking to her sister but, is still friends with Tree she even sides with her. Melissa Gorga will question her husband’s sexuality and will also be confronted by her ex-boss where Mel supposedly worked as a stripper. Kathy and husband will have to deal with routine teenage problems. The Manzo boys will try to buy a luxury skank-magnet, they will also shit on Laurence’s self-esteem and her future chunky children with Vito. And of course there will lots of Teresa yelling and going apeshit on the other bitches the other ho’s will also go on bitch slap mode on Tree. That one coked out drunk-bitch Kim D will be there also, calling Joe Gorga a ‘midget.’ Barney Devito tells Tree to ‘shut up,’ and there’s one scene where the men are talking and Barney agrees Teresa hates all the other bitches. Also it looks like Tree and Mel will finally duke it out outside, in front of Melissa’s house the way bitches do it at the trailer park every Saturday night. NICE!

Been too busy  at work to talk shit about these ho’s lately, but  y’all know the minute I get a chance I’m over here spilling my opinion out like I been holding the big diarrhea splatters for five days.

So New Jersey House Skanks, Melissa VS Teresa the feud continues into 2012, and even thought these ho’s are like two sides of the same Peso they are always going to hate each other no matter what and find shit reasons to bark at each other. It appears that they always choose to ruin their children’s celebratory events to duke it out, you know like Christenings and this time a birthday party.

Teresa threw a birthday bash for daughters Milania who turned 6 and Gia who turned 11.  Apparently she invited her sister in law Melissa and her kids, but Teresa’s brother Joe Gorga did not attend the celebrations.  Teresa’s daughters Milania and Gia also performed a dance for the guest at the party, an insider told the blog Reality Tea that desperate for fame Teresa is pushing her daughter Gia into the spotlight but that shit ain’t working out like she expects it to be. Teresa is also allowing Gia to wear outfits that are too old for her age. From Reality Tea:

“Teresa has always been desperate to have Gia in the limelight,” the source tells Reality Tea. “She wanted her to model, that didn’t work out. She wanted her to sing, that didn’t work out. Now, she has Gia in a ‘dance’ group.”

Guests at her daughter’s birthday party were disturbed by the outfits Gia wore. She is just a little girl. Teresa dresses her like she is 16. People were shocked,”

And of course drama followed the dance and outfits at this party when guest confirmed that Teresa and Melissa were fighting in front of people at the party.  According to Wet Paint, the party took place at Space Odyssey in New Jersey, on Saturday January 28th. Witnesess that attended the party say that prior to the party Teresa was telling people the party was to take place on January the 29th,  (more than likely to throw Melissa off I’m surprised she didn’t also mess up the address and send Melissa on a wild goose chase looking for the address and send her to some boarded up crack house in the middle of the gehtto in Paterson! I better not give this bitch any ideas.)

Some lady named Natalia that works at the Space Odyssey spotted Melissa and was confused if this was Melissa or not, she Tweeted,

“Confused if this lady here for Teresa’s Guidice party is Melissa Gorga.”

When it was confirmed that this person was in fact Melissa Gorga, Natalia tried to take a picture with the Z-elebrity, but Teresa jumped in and started fighting with Melissa to interrupt the picture taking.

“I wanted to take a picture with her but I couldn’t cause her and Teresa were arguing and my boss would’ve killed me.”

Later on when a photographer asked to take a picture of Melissa Teresa told him to fuck off,

“When a photographer went over to ask Teresa if he could take a picture of Melissa, Teresa said ‘no.’ ”

According to the source Melissa was trying to be cool and hung out shooting the shit with her mother-in-law.

“She was having a great time and spent most of the party with her mother-in-law,”

Melissa was also trying to be cordial to Barney Devito (who obviously has the hots for her, that’s why Tree can’t stand her) and the girls Milania and Antonia danced and hugged the whole time because unlike the so-called adults in this family the children are a lot more mature.

“She said ‘hello’ to Joe Giudice. He was nice, and Melissa was nice right back to him. Milania and Antonia [one of Melissa’s kids] were hugging and dancing the whole time. ”

The whole time Melissa was at the party Teresa was mad-dogging her and getting annoyed with her presence, and right before Melissa was getting ready to leave Tree got up in her face and started an argument with her,

“Teresa started to get loud, and you could see Melissa was struggling to keep the scene low-key, because her youngest son, Joey, was in her arms.”

Also  Joe Gorga (Tree’s brother) was not in attendance and it appears he is still pissed off about the first birthday bash Tree threw for her daughters when she purposelly didn’t invite him and Mel,

“Teresa had a family party at her house for Gia in early January with immediate family, and Joe and Melissa weren’t invited to that.”

You know, these bitches are going to continue their pitty shit for years to come, I just wonder if the cameras fuel the asshole attitudes they have with each other.

For years, Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga have been playing tug of war and fucking with some photographer’s emotions that they each use to compete for the invisible contest that only takes place in their head to be the the best Christmas Card Whore. “They both act like they love her [Linda] so much… meanwhile, neither one of them have used her the past few years. Teresa did use her last year for Christmas pics.”

On Teresa’s  website she mentions that she  found Portrait Artistry by Linda Marie on her own when she was “driving past her studio” and hired her to photograph Gia’s birth announcement.

According to the recent chisme from Reality Tea this is the same reason why Antonia was wearing the same coat Gia was wearing on a card from a while back.“They both used the SAME photographer for their Christmas cards this year,”

Meanwhile Melissa  says “I’ve been going to her since Antonia was born! She also did the beautiful family picture you saw us do on season 3 with Joe [Gorga]‘s family!”

Tree and Mel always wait until the last minute to see how they can out tacky each other with the Christmas Card competition. “They always hold out and wait until the last minute to mail their cards. As soon as Teresa sends hers out, a day or 2 later here come Melissa’s. This is the 4th year in a row Melissa has done this. Teresa stopped using Linda when Melissa started using her. Melissa tries to act like she always used her in her blog.”

But the insider states that Melissa only started going back to Linda recently because she needed to keep up with  Teresa “Melissa was going to Photos By Ginny for the past few years but, since she feared Teresa’s cards would be better then hers she went back to Linda. Melissa has been trying to keep up with Teresa and copying her more and more,”

The hating between families has gotten so bad that even their parents avoid them like the plague and no one is spending Christmas together because of this.“Teresa’s father refuses to be in the same room as the 2 Joe’s. He is afraid of them fighting and can’t handle it in his health condition.”

Bad reputation follows these house skanks everywhere they go. And of course Melissa Gorga is not immune to this at all. Recently Sherri Shepherd from “The View” attended a party where one of the housewives attended and of course a heap of drama and fighting followed. Sherry took to her Twitter and assumed Teresa Giudice  was the instigator of the bitch-drama, but then later found out it was Melissa.

From Huffington Post:

“Why am I at a party in Jersey with Sal & one of the New Jersey Housewives gets into an altercation w someone! This is surreal & a #hotmess,” she tweeted. But word must have gotten out that Shepherd was pointing fingers at Teresa Giudice because before long, Shepherd was issuing apologies: “Apology to @Teresa_Giudice … thought you were at the party. I swear you got a doppleganger [sic]! Just as well – the drama didn’t involve you!”

Although the “housewife” in question wasn’t Giudice, it turns out she wasn’t too far off — it was Giudice’s sister-in-law, Melissa Gorga.

“She was at a party I was at,” Gorga explained to me. “I didn’t even meet her. Someone tried to cause a fake fight to get attention because they are trying to be on the new ‘Housewives.’ Someone pretended that they overheard me and [fellow Real Housewife] Kathy talking about a girl in the bathroom that is trying to get on the next season. I knew it was B.S. because we didn’t talk about anyone in the bathroom. So I called them out on it right away. The girl admitted it the next day. It was so stupid they were just trying to get attention.

As it turns out it was nothing, but a load of horse shit drama created so that some ho’ would get her hoofs in the show.

Also Melissa is insistent that she NEVER stripped or shook her ass for money. She swears up and down she was only a bar-wench and not a nudy ass-shaker like her ex-boss whom Melissa called a drugaddict wants us to believe. Melissa somehow pulled out of her magical hot-ass some check-stubs that prove she was in fact,  a bartender. I think if she really wasn’t a stripper she is trying waaay too hard to prove that, almost like she feels guilty about it. In the end all the truth comes out no matter what.