Teresa Giudice tried to make amends with Caroline Manzo, on the last episode of RHONJ and Caroline pretty much told her to fuck off, Caroline also threaten Bravo with walking out if Teresa remains on the show. Well then, don’t let the door hit you in your culo on the way out Caroline!

Even though Teresa’s apology wasn’t welcome by Caroline, she is still trying to apologize this time she even took her apology to In Touch Weekly; where Tree has written apology letters to all her ho-stars including her SIL Melissa Gorga.

From In Touch Weekly:

“All of this drama seemed insignificant after I was exposed to people with real problems.” And so, in an attempt to bury the hatchet, Teresa, 39, has written open letters to Jacqueline, Melissa, Kathy and Caroline. “I wish I could take it all back and start over,” she confesses.

In her open letter to Jacqueline, Teresa writes, “Dear Jacqueline, I wish we could have resolved things sooner because I’m sincerely sorry for upsetting you — and I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your apology on Twitter. I feel like things have gotten out of hand, which is sad. I miss our friendship. I miss being like Lucy and Ethel with you. And so I hope we can work through these problems one day, when you are ready. Teresa xoxo”

Other juicy rumors swirling around this mess is that Melissa is demanding more money for making an ass out of herself on national TV and for her family ties getting ruined. Although, I doubt she gives two shits about their raging-crazy, family feuds.

“There is now a lot of fighting going on about money – who deserves the most and who doesn’t,”

“Melissa wants more money because she feels like she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with all the damage that’s been done to her personal life.”

Tree and Jax are trying to mend fences via Twitter. But, I doubt that Caroline Manzo will give Jacqueline clearance to make peace with Teresa:

Aaand Reality Tea also got an exclusive about Barney Devito’s rumored cheating ways. But, then again like Phaedra Parks would say everyone already knows that.

From Reality Tea:

 “Joe always had the attitude, ‘what would she do without me?’,”

Teresa “likes a nice life and he ‘used to’ give that to her.”

Supposedly, Teresa use to not care or at least tolerate and pretend to not care where Barney Devito was, this was back in the day when he used to bring home the bacon:

Teresa  “didn’t care where he went and what he did.”

According to the source, Barney Devito has also been known for staying out for days at a time and Tree had no clue where he was at, the poor thing had to call her father or brother to track down Barney Devito. THAT SUCKS!

“Teresa has had to deal with Joe and his infidelities for years. There were times Joe was gone for days and she didn’t know where he was,”

But, now that Tree is the one bringing in the money and Barney Devito stays home she doesn’t really need his cheating ass anymore and is more confrontational about his cheating ways.

The Melissa sisters gossipy source continued:

“Teresa comes from a place where the woman ‘worships’ her husband. Teresa’s mother worships her father. Her brother loves and worships his wife,”

“Teresa wishes she married someone who would have treated her the way her brother treats his wife.”

Barney Devito is also rumored to sniff up Teresa’s friend and makeup artist skirt.

See photo below:

COCHINO!

But of course Teresa keeps on denying all of this mess and told Wetpaint:

“Joe and I have a very solid marriage.”

And insist, “very difficult time for us.”

“We were both frustrated and reacting out of emotion and exhaustion.”

If all of these rumors about Barney Devito are for sure, sure true then, how sad for Tree to have to put up with a cheating asshole, while she keeps trying to paint a faux smile on her face!  POBRECITA!

According to Media Take Out and Straight From The A, Sheree Whitfield got the boot to the ass by Bravo executives who told her they would no longer be needing her crazy for next season. Supposedly Sheree was flown to NY for some Bravo party thingy and before the events started they told her she was fired. Sheree then, lost her shit, started crying like a little bitch and begged for her job because this is all she has going in her life.

Apparently, Bravo got tired of this broke bitch faking it because she was not making it, since they caught on that she didn’t even have proper bedding for her children in her house (air mattress) lack of furniture and don’t forget the Bullshit By Sheree plot of land purchased in Sheree’s mom’s name where an illusive mansion with a roller rink and all this other fancy shit was supposed to be build but in the end the mansion was never produced and Bravo got tired of this bitche’s lies.

Not to mention the fact that,  She-Man innitally denied having a grown daughter and referred to Tierra as a ‘family friend’ all of the sudden because her punk ass didn’t have an interesting story line she decided that Tierra was her daughter and wanted to include her on the show hoping to have more of a story line. Sheree also got into a big bitch fight with her pocket gay/hairstilist Lawrence whom she fired because he fucked up her fake hair and went bald so now the bitch has nothing NADA not  gay bestie and not even NO hair. Poor Pendeja.

Rumors have swirled that this ho’ took all the money that her ex gave her and blew it on an Aston Martin  that was later repoed and on all kinds of expensive handbags and other stupid shit while her kids slept on the floor and went to school barefoot.

Also according to Straight From The A they noticed that in attendance to the Bravo event the only bitches photgraphed were Cynthia Bailey, Kandi Burruss, NeNe Leakes and Phaedra Parks. Missing was Kim Zolciak but she is getting her own show and apparently doesn’t leave her house, Marlo Hampton who isn’t even an official cast member and Sheree Whitfield who was more than likely crying in the bathroom when Bravo told her she was fired. Poor bitch!

Phaedra Parks is famous for beating around the bush when asked a question, for example when she gave birth to her son she had selective memory on what her real due date was, and when confronted by the doctor on the right due date she called it a ‘theory’ .

Well, it appears that Miss Southern Belle will be doing the rumba around the shady bush again and again because an old acquaintance of Phaedra’s has come forward and according to her, Phaedra was the mastermind in the car stealing ring that got Apollo five years in the clink in the first place. She says that Phaedra made sure her hands didn’t get dirty but, instead that everyone else took the fall for her.

Angela Stanton, who says she got burned by Phaedra when this whole grand theft auto scheme took place is writing a tell-all book called   Lies of a Real House Wife: Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil. Angela gave an exclusive interview to Vibe.com about Phaedra’s supposed shady past.

Angela claims she came from a broken down family and  she met sophisticated, educated Southern Lady Phaedra through her ‘relationship’ to an ‘artist’ named Drama who Angela used to date. Apparently this ‘artist’ got busted for his own criminal involvement in ‘arm robbery’. Meanwhile Angela and Phaedra remained friends.

When I first met Phaedra Parks she was absolutely amazing… it was kinda like opposites attract… two totally different backgrounds, she had gone to school came from a perfect family, perfect upbringing with grad school graduated. I myself was born into a dysfunctional family… Suffered from sexual abuse at the age of five. Ended up runaway at the age of nine, and pretty much lived in an on the streets most of my life until I ran into Phaedra.

Angela says that once she was introduced to Apollo, they all became partners in crime. For about two years, Angela was in charge of  cashing large fraudulent insurance checks until she got popped. Angela did four months for it, got out, went back to Phaedra who introduced her to Everett (Apollo’s brother) and got involved into a new grand theft auto fun scheme:

After about a year or so, I guess she became a little more comfortable with our relationship and that’s when she introduced me to Apollo… Once she introduced me to Apollo it was strictly a business relationship that the two of them had. And at that time, they were making fraudulent insurance checks.

 I ended up catching a charge and going away to prison. On my first trip to prison, I only did four months, but while I was away at prison, Apollo had also got arrested. So when he got arrested and got banged up at Newton County. I finally got out after doing my four months, Phaedra and I got back together again. This time she introduced me to Everett, which is Apollo’s brother and we were all involved in a federal racketeering scheme against the federal government.

Stealing Porches, Hummers, Cadillac, Corvette, any hot whip at that time, you name it we had it! We would basically go to the car lot and write down the VIN numbers of the vehicles that we felt as if we wanted to keep or would make a good sale. Once we recorded the numbers down off the VIN, we would take them back to Phaedra and Everett. Once they had it, they would make a fake identification card and a registration card to match the vehicle. The next day you can take that I.D and registration card and go to another car dealership and tell them that this is your vehicle and they’ll cut you a key for a fee of $185

 Once we had the key we would then go back to the car dealerships after they close and drive off with whatever car that we picked earlier. After that, they would get sent off to the chop shop and once everything was cleaned up, we would take the title, swap the titles out for Georgia titles then take them to another car dealership and trade the car in for a car of lesser value and walk away with the money.

Waaah??? Sounds like a shit load of butt-ass complicated, drama to go through just to end up in prison with a broom stick in your ass!

Angela says that everything was going fine for about three or four years. Until  a seven month pregnant Angela sent her cousin  to the DMV  to trade one of the car titles and ended up getting questioned but, not arrested by a detective at the DMV. Before all this shit went down, Phaedra had always promised she would represent everyone involved including Angela. And according to Angela Phaedra turned on her and left her to rot in jail and give birth while handcuffed to a jail hospital bed:

Once she finally made it back to me, and told me everything that happened I immediately called Phaedra and Everett and my first concern was were do we stand now with the project and how are we going to proceed? Phaedra told me that we should proceed with what we had. Everett said that we would leave in the morning as well. So we left that next morning heading to Tennessee with three of the luxury vehicles…And this is where I was arrested, this is where Everett was arrested.

Once I was incarcerated the plan and the agreement was always that she would always represent us if we ever got into any trouble and that’s what I expected. I expected her to represent me. I expected her to look after me. I expected her to look out for my children if something was to happen. I expected her to do everything that she said she was going to do because I did everything that I said I was going to do. I never told and I ended up getting five years in the State.

I’m struggling. Like I said Before my mother died, my grandmother died while I was in prison. I had my baby handcuffed to a bed. My babies father, he got life. So of course there is no child support. Nobody will give me a job. Not only am I a convicted felon I’m a single mother. I couldn’t get any housing assistance because I was a convicted felon. I couldn’t get any Section 8 because I was a convicted felon. I even went to the nightclub to dance to support my children. I got hired at the nightclub but when I went to go get my permit they told me that I couldn’t get my permit because I was a convicted felon. But I never gave up. I kept pressing. When I saw the first episode of Housewives of Atlanta, I was shocked when I saw that she married Apollo. Not only was I shocked that she married Apollo I was extra shocked when I saw Everett on the show featured several times. When I found out that Everett worked as a paralegal in her law firm while he was still in a halfway house.

Hope everyone had a Happy Valentines Day! Here is another ridiculously late recrap that’s more late than Kim Richards when she missed the Hawaii trip. But, unlike Kim R my ass wasn’t fucked up out of my skull on a meth binge in an alley. I was chained to a desk at work churning out paperwork. The good thing is the company I work for gave me and my whole department  the boot to the ass with a nice fat severance package of course because at least they’re generous! (And this is good for me only ’cause I’m fine, I feel bad for my coworkers.) So, sometime in Summer I will be here to rant and entertain all of you hot bitches with a sick twisted-sister sense of humor because I’m being forced to do nothing but surf, blog and go on a hippie self discovery trip, but for now just please bear with my lateness. Enjoy!

Because Kroy wants his son and new wife to be part of the Ted Nugent Meta Militia Gun Club, he wakes Kim up at the butt-crack of morning and drags her and baby Kroy Jr to the Firing Range.

Even though Gun Ranges are normally not places where a lot of people would take their infant children this is not the case with Kroy because apparently he was born in a  pickup truck in Montana, with a rifle in his hand, a squirrel hat on his head and chewing tobacco. So he is very familiar with guns and shooting his lunch and all that shit. Kim “obviously hasn’t”

While Kroy is explaining to the gun shop keepers (or whatever the fuck their job title is) how Kim’s dumb ass has never held a gun in her hand in her life, this lady here was praying that Kim WOULND’T get a gun. Since she watches this show and knows who dumb ass Kim is and now she is worried they’re going to have to sell her a gun.

AAWWW HELL NOOO!!! DON’T GIVE THIS DUMB BITCH A GUN, I WATCH THAT SHOW AND THIS IS ONE DUMB BITCH, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME SELL HER A GUN! GOOOD LAAAWWD  HELP US ALL!

And here is dumb ass Kim.

DUUH PINK GUN!

Now that Kim has a new found hobby she gets herself a cute little pink gun, just in case Moose NeNe gets out of hand and Kim has to keep that Cuete in her purse so she can bust a cap in NeNe’s ass.

Once Kim picks out a gun that goes with her favorite purse it’s time to wave it around while loaded without the safety on.

And below her feet is baby Kroy sleeping in his little basket thingy and has no idea what’s going on, even when Kim accidental shoots the gun and the bullet ricochets throughout the gun store almost blinding some poor innocent bystander and two of the camera crew guys.

After pointing the loaded gun at this guy’s head and playing some fun video games, Kim is ready to go shoot some more.

At first Kim was all nervous about handling a gun, but  her natural hillbilly instincts kicked in immediately and she becomes a natural born gun waving, hair trigger shooting ho’. Not to mention the fact that they carry all those cute little pink guns and pink ear mufflers

The bitch has no problem shooting a gun and hitting the target.

Where was Kroy when this bitch was getting her wig pulled off by Moose NeNe and She-Man, and then Moose NeNe a second time! I bet if she would of pulled a gun on either of those ho’s during those separate incidents they would of taken off running.

Apollo, Phaedra, Cynthia and Bitter Peter all decide to meet for lunch, to smooth things out since their little incident at Kim’s baby shower ordeal where the two men nearly came to fist flying blows, if not for the police.

Phaedra complains about the hot Atlanta summer and how she needs to have a pad in her panties because her crotch be’ sweating from carrying that “Donkey Bootay.” She better be careful because she is getting Uncle Ben hot and bothered and that’s without his magical Viagra.

During the meal conversation they bring up Apollo’s line of work which is “repo-man”  or Ass-et-Recovery. Cynthia starts grilling Phaedra about the age gap between her and Apollo.

If you didn’t know who these folks where and who they’re banging, wouldn’t they look like Bitter Peter is with Phaedra and Apollo with Cynthia?

And not because they are sitting next to each other, but because these two fucktards here are the hotter looking ones:

But just like Cynthia says “they kinda of don’t make sense together, and we kinda don’t make sense together”.

When Cynthia casually asks Phaedra “how old are you Phaedra?” This is the face she makes:

Then her crazy ass gives Cynthia a shady beat around the long bush answer like the one she tried to peddle us when she wouldn’t tall us how far preggers along she was last season because she didn’t want her mother “The Pastor” to know  she got knocked up while not married. This bitch is how old? She has a business she can get knocked up outside of marriage all she wants but, I guess she likes to be pretentious and dance around big fat white elephants in the room that DON’T  need to be there. Why do people lie like this when they are on Reality TV and we are all going to find out their real age anyway?

Because Phaedra gets all weird when asked her real age she decides to change the subject to something more fun like the trip to Africa that she is putting together (courtesy of Bravo) and only the women are invited. In Phaedra’s delusional little head she believes the trip will be a peaceful one (really Phaedra are you high?) Yeah, well maybe if she can get them some king green shis to smoke those ho’s may calm down. BUT I seriously doubt it. BIG BUT!!

Cynthia is stoked about going to this Africa trip so she can get away from Bitter Peter.

After they are all done scarfing down their lunch Cynthia and Bitter Peter decide they like Phaedra and her boytoy husband Apollo.

Cynthia then gets on the phone and calls NeNe to find out if she will be attending this Africa trip, but NeNe says Hell To The No because she wouldn’t go to the “damn trash can” with those bitches.

Here is Bitter Peter cracking up.

Next we see NeNe in a business meeting with her, ejem “business partner” John and a team of people speaking of important adult business.

This lady here watches a lot of Ho’ Wives because she knows NeNe likes things all dramatic and is the Queen Bee of Drama.

I need to put my finger on my lips and hold my mouth shut or I may say something stupid I will regret.

After some negotiations on the Puterios that NeNe and John plan to open and NeNe taking 60% of business profit leaving John 40%; John kicks the other people out and continues on his quest to shower NeNe with expensive gifts and  thousand dollar shoes with the red soles.

Those are huuuge and slutty!

Yes it is love.

Next these girls get ready for Africa!

Kandi admits she doesn’t know how to dance to save her life.

They decide to avoid all National Geographic poor places where women can’t afford a bra and have their teeties hanging out and decided to only hang out at the posh, plush, chi-chi, resorty parts of Africa where these ho’s will get into their yelling matchings in style.

I’m the Lucy McGillicuddy of dancing!

After Kandi stumbles around idiotically while bumping into people who get annoyed with her because she can’t keep the steps. She reveals to Phaedra the real reason she showed up to African dance class this evening, and that is to reveal that Kandi is not only still addicted to the blogs, but also that while feeding her addiction with the addicting blogs she happened to find out about Marlo’s seven arrest including the aggravated assault! That was very aggravated!

UUUUUHHHHHH LAAAAWWWWD!!! PHAEDRA AND KANDI ARE SCARRED!!

Kim and Kroy visit Kim’s psychic Rose who reads baby Kroy’s eetie beetie palms. She also predicts that Kim will have another baby, a girl. But, Kim will have a troubled pregnancy. Kim can’t understand the reason why she would have a troubled pregnancy. Her psychic Rose needs to remind Kim to eat nutricious food, but she forgets to remind her to quit the cancer sticks.

Duh! You mean my daily diet of laying around on my fat ass and eating Pizza, sucking on White Wine and a carton of cigarettes doesn’t meet the daily nutritional needs to carry a baby full term during pregnancy? You don’t say!

Next Sheree and Phaedra meet at the museum, to learn some culture.

African American culture.

After they get all hot and bothered over this chiseled abs hot mannequin that the museum picked up at the JC Penney closing the doors sale, the two continue their Beavis and Butthead shenanigans until it escalates to Phaedra fondling and…

checking the goods under the hood.

This is the most action Sheree has gotten since she accidental bumped her crotch into the spin cycle on her washer last Wednesday. Look how excited she is.

BUSTED!

When this nice lady gives them the tour of the African museum and explains the atrocities people dealt with Phaedra and Sheree only focus their questions on if the men were naked with their RiDickCulo parts hanging out and also what sizes their penis where. Phaedra starts praying to stay focused on the manequins penises. Then she says something stupid “These are fine young specimens!”  Well, first they’re just sexy mannequins with a cloth, second that’s probably the shit the evil plantation master’s wife used to say when she picked out her Friday boy-toy at the slave auction! Que no?

Heehee hee, so where these dudes naked? Hee he, how naked where they? Hee he, I am Corh-holiooo!

The Museum Lady gives Phaedra and Sheree the full tour,  and talks about the real fucked up shit that happened to African people when they got kidnapped and enslaved. Sheree and Phaedra behave like adults for like half a second when they talk about the port where slaves where shipped in the most inhumane conditions, but then the two crazy ho’s go back to clowning. See, this is why I put the bong down before I went to the Anne Frank Museum in Amsterdam and I was surrounded by “Coffee Shops!”

After they ran this nice lady out of patience she kicked them out and now Phaedra and Sheree got 86th from all Museums in Atlanta and some parts of Florida.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY MUSEUM AND TAKE THOSE CAMERAS WITH YOU!!

When the tour is over Phaedra tells Sheree about going to this Africa trip and if she would go with NeNe. Since Phaedra managed to get Sheree all psyched about going to Africa, you know, with the sexy mannequins an’ all she happily says she would go to Africa even if she has to ride with the Devil himself.

Next Phaedra pays some homeless actors (with street meth) to pretend to be the Vice President Of Ghana:

HELLO VICE PRESIDENT OF GHANA? THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA ARE COMING TO WRECK YOUR COUNTRY! HELLO PHAEDRA? YOU’RE BREAKING UP. CLICK… HELLO? HELLOO?? AW SHIT HE ONLY SAID MY NAME ONCE I PAYED HIM TO REPEAT MY NAME AT LEAST THREE TIMES SO PEOPLE WILL REALLY BELIEVE I AM BESTIES WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT OF ? WAIT WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT COUNTRY I’M PRETENDING TO CALL AGAIN? GUINNESS?

Later on everyone meets at some restaurant to have dinner and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE! That is Kandi, Cynthia, NeNe, Sheree, Phaedra and Kim! Yep, Mama Joyce arranged for all these bitches to have dinner together so they can go back to the good ol’ days before one bitch tried to pull the other bitches wig off and or choke a bitch with her own wig.

After  Mama Joyce reveals her evil intentions when she tells those bitches she wants them to be the way they used to be,  Kim, NeNe and Sheree realize this whole thing was a trap by the tipsy Mama Joyce so they all want to jump out of the window head first.

But NeNe has an evil plan of her own up her sleeve because by looking around she will not only get out of it but, also make this whole thing go away!

QUIT LOOKING AROUND NENE!!!

Mama Joyce believes all of these bitches problems are just petty. Then she forces Kim to say hi to NeNe. NeNe to say hi to Kim and of course NeNe just refuses and Sheree is forced to say hi to NeNe also. These three bitches hate each other and so I don’t understand what Mama Joyce was trying to do.

Mama Joyce tries very hard to make NeNe, friends with Sheree and Kim again. But, fails miserably! The only thing that was successful about this dinner meeting was that NeNe dind’t fly across the table and pulled Kim’s wig off while Sheree jumped on NeNe’s back and started riding her like the giraffes they all going to visit on their Africa  vacation.

Phaedra and her mom hang out at her kitchen and feed little baby Ayden. Phaedra tells her mother how she wishes Apollo would just get on board with the funeral home business so she can finally fulfill her fantasy of becoming the next Adams family Morticia and leave this legacy to little Ayden. Because that’s the only reason why Phaedra would want to leave her lucrative profession as a lawyer for strippers and porn stars and move to 0001 Cemetery Lane and start a funeral home. Apollo doesn’t want anything to do with this creepy funeral business. He may see people he knows there, since his current business involves scenes and situations from Too Fast Too Furious an’ all.

For some reason I thought Cynthia and her husband Bitter Peter were going to some counselors office while they wait at some place because the two of them are biting at each other (and not in a good way) but instead they are going to some dance lessons. Odd place to get into an awkward argument at. Cynthia is all pissed off at Peter for ditching her at that agency opening party she threw because Uncle Ben was too busy hanging out with some girl named Betty Crocker, from the pool party the night before. Bitter Peter tells Cynthia if she don’t like this marriage to get off the train at the next stop.

Cynthia and Bitter Peter keep bickering and airing out their dirty laundry. Suddenly some dance instructor lady comes out to teach them how to move their left feets without each other trying to lead or else they may try to continue killing each other.

Kim is bitching and complaining that baby Kroy pees on all her designer clothes (that Big Poppa more than likely bought as well as her tacky ass furniture) her daughter Kim Jr Brielle  is mouthy and doesn’t want to help her put away the Versace china (that Big Poppa bought her).

However, little Arianna is helpful and willing to make her momma happy because she knows who to suck up to so she can get Kim’s golddiging money when Kim dies that Kim earned while on her back or all fours. That little girl is smart. Brielle is acting out because she wants to test her mom and Kroy.

I feel sorry for Kroy because now he has to play dad to a spoiled kid that he hasn’t known for that long and the worst part is he jumped in this dad business right when Brielle got the teenage horns that come out of their skull when they turn 14, after the horns come out the head starts spinning and they start talking back so you need special holy water to handle that shit. Poor Kroy God be with him.

Kandi  and Lil Ronnie head to Tennessee to work on writing some country songs with her new country star friend Jo Dee Messina who moves almost all of Kandi’s songs words around to make it sound more country. But Kandi has a country voice when she sings. Kandi is all nervous that Jo Dee doesn’t like her songs, but it all ends up well when they compromise since that chick Jo Dee is pretty cool and laid back. Kandi rubs all of Jo Dee’s country music awards for good luck. Later on Lil Ronnie buys Kandi her first cowgirl hat and some boots. Kandi is now an official cowgirl.

NeNe hangs out with Marlo who is confronting NeNe about making the fugly double ass monster with Charles Grant. NeNe denies it and says she only had a drink with Charles (maybe they did bump fuglies but the two fools where so drunk they don’t remember what happened?)

NeNe says that Charles never ever saw her “Hello Kitty” and Marlo tells NeNe that the rumor of her and Charles better not come back true because Marlo is an ex-con who’s been arrested 7 times and did time for beating up a girl. NeNe’s eyes bulge out with fear and so instead of fighting with Marlo she decides to invite her to go shopping with her. Later on the two Amazonian hot messes go shopping together and they bond. I think NeNe is keeping this dangerous ex-con on her good side.

Sheree shows up at Kim’s rented mansion with yoga mats and healthy vegetable snacks. Kim whose idea of keeping her chunky ass slim is going to the doctors office to have the cottage cheese fat removed from her tights via vacuum suction system, is not happy with the idea of having to do planks on the floor on a mat because that takes effort (with an “A”) that her princess fat ass doesn’t want to have to put out because she has to conserve that energy to have Kroy plank her on the floor instead.

What Kim doesn’t understand and Sheree was trying to explain to her beast ass (the same way Phaedra tried to explain the law to Sheree previously) is that she is now married to an athlete with a tight ass who is around hot cheerleaders so homegirl needs to keep up.

Sheree also drools over Kroy while doing planks in an effort to encourage Kim to exercise. After like two planks because that’s all Kim can handle, Sheree tries to make that bitch some healthy veggie smoothies, but Kim bitches and moans that it tastes like crap even thought she ends up admitting it’s not that bad.

Kim also complains to Sheree about her difficult spoiled teenager Kim Jr whose head’s been spinning like the exorcist while she pukes green stuff on people and poor Kroy is in the middle of this mess trying to be dad. Oh well I am sure Brielle will come out of it and turn like Jacqueline’s Ashley so she’ll be fine! Kroy’s just gonna have to buy her a condo in California when she is 20 to get rid of her.

Later on that day Phaedra and her husband Apollo meet up with Willie Watkins to try and convince Apollo to be part of Phaedra’s fabulous funeral home that Phaedra will make the dead person the star of because she wants “to do funerals worth dying for,” and turn a funeral into fabulous “Events! Not just throw ‘em in the ground. Let’s throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!”. Apollo wanted to puke when he toured the embalming room (I kinda did too I have that same puke gross creeped out of dead people thing this guy has) Phaedra admits that she is into vampires. TOLD YA’ SHE IS GOTH!

Apollo thanks Willie Wonka I mean Watkins for the tour and after Willie and Phaedra share a few more creepy laughs together Apollo and Phaedra leave and Apollo says he will think about it. Meaning HELL TO THE NOOOO!!!

NeNe shows up at some chi-chi fund raiser Marlo invited her to, for some Captain Planet save the whales or something or the other thing. Anyway, NeNe meets another Viking Amazon like herself who is trying to peddle NeNe the earrings she designed inspired after the “Italian” (really NeNe?) Dalai Lama. Did y’all see “Miss Tall’s” mortified face when NeNe thought the “The spiritual leader of Tibet” was some Italian hippie dude or some shit?  And Marlo didn’t catch on to that! HA HA HA HA!!

After Elizabeth Dewberry realized the intellectual “chameleon” genius she was dealing with (that wasn’t going to buy any of the super expensive, high class, yard sale items available that day) she jumped out of the scene hoping to NOT be filmed anymore. If you’re gonna be a “Chameleon” learn some basic culture about the type of stuff these rich ass donation peddler fucktards are babbling about. Watch History Channel or something. PAY ATTENTION PLEAZZZEEE!!!!

Later on , Apollo shows up at Phaedra’s office with a bouquet of flowers and tells her he wants to discuss going into the funeral business with her. Phaedra finds a way to convince Apollo to be sucked into Phaedra’s necrophiliac vampire fantasies by appointing him the hottie that will be comforting young hot girls in mourning. Phaedra’s a freak! HA HA HA!! She will pimp her husband out she don’t give a shit, I like that bitch. With that offer Apollo decides quickly that he will be going into the funeral business with her after all. But, he is not touching no dead bodies! Somehow Phaedra found a way to make him part of her goth adventures. But failed to make him agree to touch the dead people. Looks like Phaedra has more work to do!

Next Cynthia and Uncle Ben go to real counseling (as foreshadowed earlier when they went to the dance lessons.) Bitter Peter appears to be trying to be a good husband and hear when he is wrong. Except when Cynthia yells at him to write shit down because he has old timer’s disease and can’t remember shit with his “dinosaur” brain. In the end Bitter Peter tells Cynthia he loves her and they kiss and make up. Until next fight.

On a recent interview by Sheree Whitfield she dishes on her dating dilemmas, apparently every single straight male in the ATL has boycotted  dating  Sheree and I’m sure her bitchy demanding demeanor had nothing to do with it. She says she has to pick up guys that perhaps live under a rock and have no televison while she is on the road  “And of course, there’s no dates in Atlanta so I have to get it in when I travel,” Sheree hasn’t found a good wallet to fuck on so far, “I haven’t found anybody special, but I do try to, you know, meet different people.”

Sheree was currently spotted with Kermit Quinn from Blackstreet and dating rumors started swirling, but Sheree shuts down those rumors and says Kermit is just a “good friend.” She also complains about how she “can’t even be seen with guys!” because the media is always assuming she is dating a guy just because she was seen with him. Also Sheree admits she has a “celebrity crush” on Kobe Bryant and in her sad little head believes he is a “great guy.”

Sheree would also like to be stranded on a desert island with her two “funny as hell” ho’ stars Kim Zolciak (so she can pull her wig when she gets island fever) and Phaedra Parks because she has a  “good head on her shoulders” and also Sheree can bitch her out about being useless (just like she criticised her lawyering skills) and not building her a mansion from sticks and twigs while they’re all playing Gilligan’s Island.

Also she is apparently bringing back from the dead her clothing line that bombed “She by Sheree got very, very expensive and I put a lot of my money into it. It is my passion, I love fashion,” and will reincarnate it as a fitness line with DVD’s to go with it. “I’m actually in talks with a couple different people on bringing it back as a fitness apparel line. She by Sheree fitness with a DVD, kinda moving into the whole health and fitness arena.”

Delusional Sheree complains when she goes on  the few pity-dates with the couple of men she paid and all they want to do is talk about the show, since she is such a big starlet an’ all. “Guys, when we go on a date – I don’t wanna talk about the show the entire date. I don’t wanna talk about those girls!” She adds “If you’re trying to date me, court me,” and she also hints that on the show she is playing some kind of a bitchier version of her fake self, “Let me know that you’re interested in me, not the girl you see on the show.”

And you know how Peter and NeNe seem to have such a cozy friendship on the show? Well according to rumors by Meditatakeout those two clowns used to bump fuglies and Cynthia has no idea ala Alexis Bellino. No one knows if this happened prior or during NeNe’s marriage to Gregg.

From Mediatakeout:

The insider, who is a former COLLEAGUE of Peter’s tells us that a few years ago Peter and NeNe used to DATE!! The insider explained, “This was BEFORE he met Cynthia. Peter was a ladies man and dated a lot of women, NeNe was one of many . . . it wasn’t serious.”

And it gets better, the insider claims that Cynthia HAS NO IDEA that Peter and NeNe have a history. The insider added, “Peter is not one of those KISS AND TELL guys, I’m sure he never told Cynthia.”

Sheree takes her ex-husband Bob Whitfield to court to demand child support because the 113k yearly and the 775k lump sum wasn’t enough for her to pay for her Gucci’s and 20 thousand dollar purses, plus Aston Martins. How does he expect this bitch to live? Get a job? He is flipping out of his mind Sheree can’t do that. Sheree is nervous about going to court with Bob, since she knows the courts have records on the lump sum and other income he has already forked out and she knows the judge may laugh at her ass out of the courtroom AGAIN for wasting their time.

Kandi Koated Nights  is on the air with her crew and has invited Marlo Hampton and Charles Grant as guest of her radio show and to talk about “How To Hook A Baller” as well as to grind Charles about his brief one-night stand with NeNe Leakes. Charles sits there denying everything because he doesn’t want Marlo to smack him upside down his head. Charles thinks all the pathetic ho’s in the ATL put out too soon and carry themselves like “hookers” so they get treated like one. Right after that, he asks Kandi what her favorite position is,  just to see if she answers like a “hooker.” And she does.Then, he talks about how broke-bitches in the land of “pretend” are walking around in their Gucci’s and getting in a Honda Accord.

Kandi starts harassing Marlo about how she affords her expensive life style and Marlo says some shit about being blessed with a white sugar daddy who supports her ass. Kandi starts laughing her ass off out loud because she knows exactly how Marlo got her money. Marlo then tries to be clever and answer Kandi’s question with another question about how Kandi gets her money. Kandi rightfully brags that she is “talented” and by that she means real talented not lay on your back talented, like Marlo is.

Cynthia drags NeNe to shop at some God-forsaken second hand store to purchase dresses and used panties. NeNe says she ain’t putting on no nasty clothes someone else had on their armpits and crotch because the clothes may have crabs. Cynthia doesn’t care if she catches used clothes ass-lice and purchases several dresses and granny panties. Then, she starts asking NeNe if she gave fugly ass Charles some of her Hello Kitty, NeNe DENIES, DENIES, DENIES. Then she yells “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” Cynthia wants a lie detector test.

Kim and Kroy are taking baby Kroy home and Kim is bitching, nagging and complaining at Kroy because her “twat” hurts and he just has a “yes dear” attitude about it. Kim is lucky to find a man that puts up with her crazy. For now.

When they arrive at home, Kim’s little dog Chanel and her daughter Brielle are pissed off that the new baby is taking their spotlight. The baby poops on the bed and Chanel pees on the floor. Brielle was thinking about pooping the floor too. The only helpful mature one was little Ariana, who is excited and willing to help with her new little brother.

Sheree is modeling court clothes for Phaedra. All of her clothes are  expensive  designer labels and showcase her “donkey booty” waaay too much and this turns Freakdra on. Then, an alarm goes off and it keeps repeating real loud SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!! SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!!. Plus Sheree just bought an expensive Porshe and she wishes to drive that to the court-house to piss off the Judge, who doesn’t even make enough to buy a pimp ride like that. Phaedra tries to reasonably explain to that beast this shit she is trying to show off is just going to backfire on her “donkey booty.” But, Sheree is not listening and is willing to show up while clad in Dolce and Hermes bags that cost the same as a “Toyota Corolla”.

Kandi is meeting with a dildo making lady at the crowded Red Beaver restaurant in front of God and everybody, during the busy lunch rush hour. Dildo lady brings a box of dildos she tried herself earlier and everyone in the restaurant is watching. Then, dildo lady tells Kandi to smell the dildo that she used earlier did y’all see that guy looking at them all excited I think he wanted to join them or something.

Kim is at home bitching at everybody to not sneeze on the baby and yells at Sweetie who is playing around trying on Kim’s wigs and not washing them. Brielle gets in trouble with mom over stabbing her little sister with a spork-fork. Then, we find out the school system in Atlanta is purposelly teaching kids to misspell Effort wiht an “A.” Boring, next.

Next, we find out that Sheree was avoiding payment of the five thousand dollar retainer that she owed Phaedra.(I guess her services are not free anymore.) Dind’t Phaedra read the blogs  about this trifling ho not paying her lawyers fees? Phaedra would of taken half of Sheree’s handbag if she couldn’t produce the check.

Phaedras assistant tells Phaedra that she went looking for Sheree at the hair salon where Sheree was getting her weave done. Sheree was sitting there running her mouth gossiping away at the hair dresser about how she was getting her money from that bastard Bob.

When suddenly, Phaedra’s assistant shows up.  Sheree sees her coming the bitch yells OH SHIT!! Jumps off her seat leaving a stunned hair stylist holding a comb and a stapler, who just got abruptly interrupted by a panicked Sheree in the middle of a conversation, and was only done with the left side of her hair.

Sheree then proceeds to run through the back of the hair salon,(one side of her hair done the other side is all matted and nappy) and as she is running from Phaedra’s money collecting ho’ she pushes the chair where some old lady was sitting getting her hair did, in front of Phaedra’s assistant to cause an obstacle. Then she runs through the back of the hair salon in the alley and the bitch is running like a man running from the police all athletic and shit, like in those action movies where there is a hot pursuit, between cop and criminal.

The poor assistant can’t keep up with Sheree in those stilettos she is wearing (because you know she was) and Sheree has an extra advantage of having a third leg plus all that muscular testosterone She-Man was naturally born with doesn’t hurt. Sheree keeps running through people’s back yards, back-alley high walls, that only a man with Sheree’s athletic skills could master like a pro, and Phaedra’s poor money collecting bitch is at a disadvantage and out of breath.

Eventually Phaedra’s other employee got the five thousand dollar retainer check. But it wasn’t easy. The poor bastard had to also go on hot pursuit of Amazon super athlete Sheree all like Dog The Bounty Hunter and shit. Except Sheree made this dude chase her while leaping through buildings. Bitch was like Spiderman, all jumping from one roof to the other while Phaedra’s assistant burly kept up. When he finally caught up with her, he tackled her and they got into a boxing match. Sheree was doing good too! Hitting him like a man and when he would hit back she would taunt him and yell IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??!! PUNK BITCH!!! That bitch is scary! Finally big boy got an advantage when he got her in a Taiwanese-wresting head-lock, and Sheree was forced to give up the check. You see, that’s what happened and why big dude was all dripping buckets of sweat and exhausted.

Kim’s parents are visiting so to see baby Kroy. Then Kroy finds out that Kim’s parents are brother and sister when Kim’s dad asks baby Kroy if he squeezes one boob while sucking on the other. Kroy looks stunned you know he is having the first red flag of doubt (plus there’s more to come!) And he thinks to himself I’M FROM MONTANA AND WE DON’T EVEN DO THIS SHIT!! And you can hear banjos in the background.

And now round one of, Whitfield VS Whitfield. After spending all afternoon, picking out the right outfit and boxing gloves, Sheree and Phaedra show up at court ready to put Bob in prison. Bob however spend the evening researching and filing a petition for contempt stating Sheree looted his house out of furniture and kitchen sinks that didn’t belong to her. That’s why he didn’t have time to iron his shirt and was “looking a mess.”

Master Attorney at Law extraordinaire Phaedra  Parks looks like a deer in the headlights. BLINDSIDED!! And outsmarted by an ex-NFL player. When she walks over to Bob to get his phone number (yeah, doesn’t Sheree have that already?) Bob starts flirting with her and checking out her “donkey booty” just to make Phaedra and Sheree feel more stupid.

Then he jumps out of his seat and runs amuck through the hallways of city hall sticking his tongue out at Sheree and Phaedra like the fat-cat that just ate the twenty pound canary.

Sheree says Bob outsmarted Phaedra because he knows how to read. Not to mention that, he represented himself and showed up looking like a bum.

Sheree blames the fuckup on Phaedra; and Phaedra blames the fuckup on Sheree. I see a future bitch-slapping festival in the horizon for these two ho’s.

Phaedra brings Kandi a cake, to apologize for El RiDick-Culo’s display of scary raunch sausage. Phaedra tells Kandi she feels really bad that El RiDick-Culo offended Mama Joyce, and Kandi says that Mama Joyce is still pissed and won’t answer her calls because that Full Monty show was too much and too traumatic for Mama Joyce’s sensitive eyes to handle. Phaedra insist El RiDick-Culo and his Tijuana Dip & Donkey show is something the whole world should see. Yeah, try telling that to the 900 party goers (including Mama Joyce) who are still laying in bed with bandages on their eyes.

I guess NeNe’s eyes didn’t bleed because that bitch knew (from personal experience) about El RiDick-Culo’s Peen Show, since she used to shake her ass for nickels on the same stage El RiDick-Culo used to give his Circled Jerkoff show. Not to mention the fact that she has also introduced him thousands of times to a crowd of drunken horny women (and men,) so she knew better than to stay and allow for her eyes to combust in a sea of splattering blood. So she took her eyes out,  and put them in her purse, and drove back home blind because driving back home blind was safer than having ruptured bleeding eyes. Phaedra says that if she could blow herself like El RiDick-Culo she would never leave her house.

Cynthia is doing some gig to introduce homeless crackheads fashion models at something called the International Fashion Week. Cynthia has always played mute walking mannequin NEVER has she introduced models and so every introduction was followed by “correction” blah, blah, blah. I guess the people that put this shit together had a fifty dollar budget since the bitches modeling are wearing pieces of sheets and quilts, plus curtains from the secondhand 99 cent bin, so the broke asses in charge could not afford someone else and they are stuck having to make do with Cynthia and her “corrections.”

For some reason Phaedra and Apollo show up because apparently they made up with Cynthia and Bitter Peter over the blowup at Kim’s baby shower. Sheree is also there with her date Lawrence who decided to wear his old-prostitute-who-couldn’t-afford-a-weave outfit.

After the fashion show, Cynthia is happy that she actually got a couple of sentences together while introducing the models for the show. Then, she collects her payment which is a half-eaten sandwich and a cigarette butt. Bitter Peter snags her payment from her.

We get to meet new housewife Marlo Hampton and her date Charles Grant who supposedly bumped fuglies (pun intended!) with one NeNe Leakes, as Sheree points out. I wonder if Gregg knew about these shenanigans when NeNe screamed at him her famous line “I have done right by you!”

Later on,  Sheree invites her crossed-eyed ex-husband  Bob Whitfield, to visit with her and the kids to play kickball at the park and to have Sheree confront him, blow up at him and throw water in his face about not paying child-support. While Shree is yelling at Bob for being a deadbeat-dad he just sits there with this FUCK OFF look in his face. As much as I can’t stand men who refuse to support their children, Bob makes a point when he reminds Sheree that she needs to quit buying 15k purses (don’t forget Aston Martin’s) and that she is an able body female who can go out and clean toilets to support those kids. However, his ass still should pay for those children whether that bitch wants to blow the money on designer purses or not, as long as the children are wearing the expensive purses this bitch likes on their feet like shoes.

I bet  this is the real reason (or excuse)  Bob is refusing to pay his child-support checks because he is afraid Sheree will blow the money on expensive  shit for herself while the kids run around barefoot and wearing a potato sack to school. After Sheree threw water on Bob (in front of the kids mind you) she walks away all pissed off and he sits there calling her “evil to the core!” I wonder if Sheree used to beat his ass when they were married?

After Sheree assaulted Bob via sparkletts water, she shows up at Phaedra’s law office to get assistance in dragging  Bob  to court for child support. Phaedra says she will do it and drag his balls to court to squeeze that child support out of him, but Sheree starts crying and says she is not sure she will go through with it. Soooo she is full of shit?

Next Cynthia her mom and her sister Malorie are hanging out at Cynthia’s new brothel modeling school, to get into another argument about what an asshole Bitter Peter is. Cynthia announces she may be giving Bitter Peter another 40 thousand dollar check that he will be wiping his ass with. The mom gets all pissed and yells at her daughters to shut the fuck up, so they do.

Later on Cynthia finds out that Peter won’t be needing her 40k check because he did some shady dealings with the Mafia  got the money from an undisclosed source.

Kim is about to pop that baby out and Brielle is concerned the baby will cause problems in their lives. We also find out that Arianna and Brielle have two different dads. Then, Brielle finds out that Kim breast-fed her (with those big fake plastic boobies) and she becomes so traumatized and grossed out that she has to go brush her teeth. Poor kid!

Kandi finally is allowed to visit Mama Joyce who had to change her hair to forget about that fucking El RiDick-Culo disaster she had to endure and because when her eyes bled it ruined her last weave. Mama Joyce says she feels disrespected by the whole stripper show and doesn’t understand why Freakdra would invite a raunchy ass stripper to perform such a disgusting act knowing Mama Joyce would be there. Kandi continues to apologize and is surprised her mom was offended since her mama is her “homegirl.”

It’s time for Bar None’s opening night Sheree and Lawrence are driving there in a very nice car and they notice how Bar None is located in some god-forsaken ghetto surrounded by boarded up crack houses. Sheree is scared and locks her doors. When they finally make it to the bar they all find out that the air conditioning is not working and this is during a summer night in a packed placed with no air conditioning and exposed wires to make this an uncomfortable fire hazard.

Everyone is in attendance, even that Marlo chick and that Charles guy that supposedly banged NeNe that one time. NeNe shows up at the last four minutes of the party (she was supposed to be there to cohost because she is a big star in that part of the slums) and everyone thinks it’s because she is avoiding Charles who is there and a confrontation may occur. Charles says that he met NeNe, but the bitch was so into herself it was a turn off and he ditched the ho’.

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Phaedra Parks is not apologizing for that display of RiDick-Culo’s dick in yo’ face Full-Monty Piton Show. She says she acted according to  Kandi’s wishes who expressed to Phaedra her dream of getting a full-on-flash show of El RiDick-Culo blowing on his own peen as well as using it as a police-brutality baton smacking innocent bitches at random to clear the path for his dick to drink finale. Phaedra told Sister 2 Sister:

“I think what people have to remember is gifts are given according to the recipient. All last season you heard me speak about Redickulous and Kandi requested she wanted to see it.It was the ultimate gift to her. That’s what she wanted to see. I gave my friend what she wanted: the ultimate gift of seeing Redickulous and I don’t think anyone can say it wasn’t a treat.It’s something to cross off your bucket list.”

Phaedra says that NeNe Leakes is more full of shit than a horse stable after a feeding because that bitch has in the past introduced El RiDick-Culo for many performances and El RiDick-Culo  has told her he has given NeNe a lap dance, or two or ten. However, Phaedra can’t confirm and or deny the allegations:

“He advised me that he has danced for NeNe on several occasions, and she’s also introduced him on several occasions, but I wasn’t there when that happened,”

Phaedra gives RiDick-Culo the benefit of the doubt. After all, NeNe did work as a nudy- patootie entertainer for the adult industry and may of  possibly worked at the same corner RiDcki-Culo has performed his Tijuana Donkey and Dinner Theatre:

“He doesn’t have a reason to lie. She was an adult entertainer and so is he. It’s very believable that they would run in the same circles and know each other,”

Phaedra insist Kandi’s mother was never mad at her, perhaps insinuating that she blew up at RiDick-Culo’s performance for TV-Whoring Drama purposes:

“She was never mad at me. Of course, you as the viewers don’t know that. She wasn’t upset with me, and we don’t have any issues. I respect her. We just had dinner together.When I went to go and bring my gift out, Mama Joyce was on the other side of the room having fun with her friends. I was shocked that someone had brought her back there for it. It was intended for the young ladies who came for Kandi’s birthday party,”

And finally, Phaedra feels that the whooole thing with El RiDick-Culo pleasuring himself like a regular at the sperm donor clinic wasn’t the least bit yucky or perverted, but rather a beautiful thing .

“Whether you have a ridiculous anatomy part or a regular body, I think people are so uncomfortable with what God created, but God doesn’t create anything that’s not beautiful or wonderful. I love the human body. I think nudity is beautiful, in the right atmosphere, and not in a perverted manner. So many people are so uncomfortable with themselves without clothes on. It’s a shame. Everything was created in God’s own image, and I think my husband knows that. We love the body,”

This episode was about wieners.

To make up for her husband’s thug behavior during the Baby Shower that almost went to shit if not for the police, Phaedra comes to visit the Kimster while bearing gifts for the baby. Kims forgives Phaedra’s husband’s behavior, but she can’t help to slam Bitter Peter. Kim says that next time she is leaving the ex-cons and assholes out of the guest list. Sooooo is this mean she is telling Phaedra NOT to bring her ex-con husband next time?  Then the bitches start talking some boring shit about being pregnant and something about labor and Kim can’t wait to hit the hooch when that baby farts out. Phaedra says that labor made her “as crazy as a vampire in sunlight!” Told ya’ she was into that death goth shit.

Cynthia brings her sister Malorie to visit Bitter Peter at Bar One so that she can get into a shouting match with Peter. And a shouting match is exactly what happened.  Cynthia walks away and leaves Peter and Malorie to their own devices and they end up getting in each others face over Malorie and her mom keeping Cynthia’s marriage certificate so that the wedding don’t happen. Malorie hates Bitter Peter for good reason, but Bitter Peter unfortunately has a point about family members not butting into other family members marriage choices, but her sister also has a point about worrying that Cynthia married an asshole. So they both have a point.

Kandi is depressed that her ass is turning 35 and is at the party venue with Sheree and Phaedra who are assisting her in the process of her party planning. Phaedra can’t wait to unleash her BIG  surprise on the party goers.

Later on Kandi shops with NeNe and her pocket gay Derek J who happens to be an expert at walking in hooker stilletos . I gotta admit I am jealous of these bitches that can walk in hooker heels, my ass is damn near thirty blah, blah years old and still can’t walk in that shit and to see a drag queen be able to walk in those skank stompers pisses me off. I know, I know I will just cry into my flip flops.

The Kim situation gets brought up and Kandi says she hasn’t been hanging around that pregnant heifer lately since they don’t talk much these days. NeNe says she is not surprised at that outcome since Kim is a user and only wanted a hit song not a friend. Kandi says despite all the bullshit Kim pulls she is still happy for that skanky bitch (like we all are) because Kim finally stopped fucking on that old greasy Big Pooper Scooper and got her self a “young tender”  Uh-hum! NeNe gets jealous and says “that ain’t shit!” Young tender sounds like some sort of lunch special they sell at KFC for 2.99 with a med coke and some fries. I bet NeNe could go for one of those after all her shopping and changing clothes in the store and all that shit she does.

Kandi tells NeNe her ass best behave because She-Man-Sheree and Phaedra will also be attending. NeNe doesn’t like that shit, and says that She-Man doesn’t deserve the friendship of the grand Miss NeNe Leakes who is also “very rich” like a happy bitch.

Kim and her baby daddy Kroy are learning all about circumcision and have some lady expert come and teach them how to care for Kroy Jr and his little winky. Kim has said in the past that she was a nurse for babies in delivery rooms. I guess the bitch was lying since dressing like a nurse in the VIP room at the raunchy strip club is very different from being a nurse at the delivery room of the hospital.

Kim also lies to the nurse when she tells her that she doesn’t know what to do with a penis. REALLY??? I know the bitch is lying SHE KNOWS what to do with a penis. How else do ya’ all think she got rich dudes like Big Pooper and now Kroy supporting her ass it wasn’t because she is gorgeous or because she wears road kill wigs that have a mind of their own it’s because she knows what to do with a penis.

NeNe is visiting with Cynthia and Bitter Peter so that they can open up a bottle of champagne to celebrate their new club opening and talk shit. NeNe doesn’t like it when they pop the bottle so she hides in the corner with her hands in her ear like a fucknut. I can’t believe this crazy huge amazon bitch has the same bullshit fear I have of popping champagne corks. I act like a fucknut like that too. I hate that shit.

Peter is on the phone with some investor (he probably met behind the alley at the liquor store) and he is confrontational about a 40 thousand dollar check this fool wrote him that bounced to the moon. Maybe he should of told Cynthia to hold off opening that champagne. Well, looks like he is gonna have to ask Cynthia for the dough again. Although Bitter Peter,  is on the phone bitching this guy out he has to drop the call for more important things like opening up a bottle of champagne when its too early to do so. So Uncle Ben Bitter Peter hangs up on his so called investor and runs to the patio to guzzle champagne with NeNe and Cynthia. NeNe reveals her and Gregg are in good terms, as a matter of fact so good that they are banging again. How sweet, there is hope these two crazy kids may get back together.

Sheree and Phaedra and their “donkey booties” show up to Sheree’s empty lot which has been sitting there empty for months with no progress. Phaedra intimidates the contractor by putting her donkey ass in his face and blowing a smoke fart up his ass with a bubble blower and no prayer cloth, this way he knows she means business. I didn’t know you can be a religious lady of church like Miss Phaedra Parks and stick your donkey culo in some dudes face like that. Wow I guess they must be more liberal in churches these days the world has certainly improved.

Cynthia puts on her busted Phyllis Diller make up on, and is trying to get her modeling agency set up  with some Kmart furniture she picked up on sale. Her sister Malorie and her husband come over to argue with her some more about Bitter Peter help her. 

Malorie seems to be losing a lot of sleep over Bitter Peter and his schemes to suck money out of Cynthia’s wallet in order to set up failed businesses and so she brings that shit up . Cynthia gets all cheesed up and starts barking at her sister yelling about how her sisters marriage is fucked up too. Malorie’s poor husband is standing in the middle of the two women who are about to scratch each other’s eyes out and he has this “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!!” Look on his face.  After the blowup Cynthia can not even complete the project she started and thanks her sister and husband for nothing then, sends them home.

It’s the day of Kandi’s party, in attendance are Bitter Peter, Cynthia, Sheree, NeNe and Phaedra who left her husband at home so that he wouldn’t get all thug on Papa Smurf. Although  Phaedra left thuggy at home, she made sure she brought her prayer cloth, gun, jumbo size condoms, and a fucking tazer in case she has to ass probe NeNe, should that bitch get out of hand.

A huge box gets rolled in to the venue and Kandi sits down all excited and ask her moma to sit next to her. Little did they know the horrible thing that was about to jump out of that box. El RiDick-Culo blast opens the gift box and jumps out with his wiener in his hand to entertain the horrified guest.  Suddenly, the party turns into a fucking nightmare people’s eyes start bleeding as they are screaming in horror trying to scramble to get away from RiDick-Culo’s monster, hideous penis from hell. That thing looks dangerous. El Infamous RiDick-Culo then clears a path with his loaded fire hose and people are screaming and jumping out the way. He then dances for Kandi and sticks his dick in her drink. Kandi was horrified, but didn’t want to make a fuzz so she just pretends she is enjoying this hideous display of fugly.

El Infamous RiDick-Culo wasn’t even a stripper. That’s the story Phaedra wants us to believe. The Infamous RiDick-Culo was some street wino with a pissing problem, who got arrested one too many times, and Freakdra was appointed to defend him in court for shaking his wiener at random women on the streets and sucking on his own firehose. Then Freakdra who is the biggest perv in Atlanta noticed his unusual donkey dick and decided to hook him up with stripper gigs for her private viewing, as well as for other freaks in the Atlanta sex dungeons since his homeless ass couldn’t pay Phaedra the Freak the money for representing him in court for being a pervert and a weirdo. Phaedra is a pervert genius of smut. Too bad she didn’t use her genius powers to prevent thousands of people from seeing this scary ugly disgusting motherfucker run around with his wiener flapping around in the air. BECAUSE NO ONE NEEDED TO SEE THAT SHIT!! THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THAT!! WHY WHY???!!! MY EYES, MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!! His ass was ugly too.

Stupid Kandi sitting there acting like she is enjoying it. Did you see the bitch throw the dollar bills at him with a look of disgust in her face like she was about to throw up? Like I previously said she just went along with it to not piss off Phaedra and be polite.  NeNe said fuck this shit and took her eyes out of her sockets put them in her purse and drove home blind. Cynthia and Bitter Peter followed her blind ass to the car. I would of done the same thang. This was one of those times when everyone agrees with the NeNe. Kandi’s mother wasn’t too amused and she starts yelling “THAT WAS FUCKED UP!” I agree Kandi’s mother, I agree, that WAS some pretty fucked up shit right there and NO ONE needed to see that mess. I smell class action lawsuit coming towards El Infamous RiDick-Culo on behalf of all the people present at that party and the folks watching on TV. Phaedra is going to be busy.