We start this episode with the continuation of Ashley Holmes getting kicked out of her mom and stepdad’s house in New Jersey and into the fun non-stop partying Sin-City of Vegas. Albie Manzo is sent to babysit drive Ashley and make sure she gets on that plane. Yeah, that went real well.

Now lets visit the Giudice’s at their empty money laundering front Pizzeria that apparently is shut down now. Supposedly since Barney Devito couldn’t drive himself to work and get ‘those lunches out on time’ he had to go out of business. But, don’t worry Barney Devito is crafty and has a new scheme up his sleeve, he is going to light a match and burn down the gas station across the street owned by one Richie Wikipedia, and turn that shit into an old folks social security/ medicare scam of some sort.  But, Richie Wikipedia doesn’t know his ass is getting ‘evicted’ from his gas station yet.  But, he will and this is because paybacks are a bitch. More on that later.

Since we are in the subjects of shit shutting down let’s visit with Lauren Manzo aka Godmother Caroline Manzo Jr. Remember that cosmetics front store she opened last season when she had Ashley draw her  T-shirts with crayons then she bitched her out and whatnot? Well apparently the next day, yes you heard that correct THE NEXT DAY Lauren closed shop. Lauren had some hissy fit over people not kissing her ass enough or some shit. So, she didn’t even have that store opened for a punk ass 10 minutes when she decided to fold up and go home to cry to mommy who fed her a buffet of  1/16^th Italian fried meatballs until Lauren gained more weight so this way Godmother Manzo can have a story line and tell the world how fat her daughter is.  Since when do you open a store and not even give it a chance? She closed shop the next day?  Now I know why Lauren is always crapping on Ashley, she is hoping that pointing the finger at Ashley’s non-stop, conga-line of partying will make people not notice her failing attempts at having a business. Lauren has no room to talk about what a loser Ashley is. But, since Godmother Manzo couldn’t get Lauren on ‘The biggest Loser’ since that’s the show she should go on; she takes her to some hippie doctors that’s going to put Lauren on some Anorexia diet hoping that if she loses some weight her cosmetics store will be more successful and people will kiss Lauren’s skinny size four ass. Size four? Now you’re pushing it bitch!

And since those fried 1/16^th Italian meatballs get around they are making an appearance at Jacqueline’s get-together where fried meatballs are the main dish.  The Giudice’s are also making an appearance so they can get bashed by everybody some more work things out.

Ashley purposely misses her flight.  It appears that Albie was unable to carry on this mission and strap ‘Ke$ha’  on that one-way plane to Vegas.  Ashley walks in and says hi to everyone like it’s no big deal she had missed her flight because she couldn’t find any straw-NyQuil to suck on and powdered donuts to snort on. Chris decides to take Ashley to the airport himself first thing in the morning. But, not until he tells Ashley she has no commonsense and her little brother CJ who knows how to operate the vacuum better than Ashley because he can follow directions would of NOT  missed the flight.

When Teresa shows up everyone purposely ignores her while she is trying to speak, they seem tired of hearing her. Finally she makes herself loud enough and brings up that she is apologizing AGAIN over the so called jokes she spewed out in her books. Tree asks her brother Midget Psycho Joey if he read her first book, and Psycho Joey gets all pissed off this bitch  even asked him if he read her book or not, since EVERYBODY KNOWS Joey doesn’t know how to read and now Teresa’s constant questioning and unrequested advice to read her book is making everyone in the room uncomfortable. AAAWKWAAARD!

Melissa changes the convo and tells Tree they will take one in the ass for the team so she can make a buck or some shit. Truth be told they all take one in the ass when they’re in a reality show in order to make a buck.

Meanwhile in the basement where I guess the cameras where not allowed, a fists fight occurred between Barney Devito and Richie Wikipedia, over who is the shortest Joe. Barney Devito or Midget Joey. Since Barney Devito has little dick syndrome he got all pissed off at Richie Wikipedia and went to grab his balls, Richie turned around and hit him in the head with some sort of candlestick holder and this gave Barney Devito a black eye and bloody nose, this is the reason he is out for vengeance against Richie Wikipedia and will burn down his gas station to open up an old folks swingers home. Old people need to get laid too. And can you believe none of this bullshit got caught on camera!

Later on Barney Devito is at home drinking the pain of his lost fight away and has the guys over for some fun gossipy time. While Barney Devito was pouring wine, his children where running amuck and one of them I think it was Milania (I’m writing this from memory) punches Albie in the nuts. While Barney Devito cooks the food his daughter Milania tells him he is not a cooker he is a hooker. Maybe that’s why he was trying to grab Richie’s balls?

When the other men bring up Barney Devito’s drivers license ordeal he brings up his brother-in-law Psycho Midget Joey’s inability to pay his bills on time. The other men are friends with Midget Joey so the whole combo was  AWKWARD! During a talking heads interview, Chris Laurita says that he lost respect for Barney Devito for being a 40 year old loser who uses other people’s birth certificate to get a drivers license. Can’t believe Bravo is trying to make the men be gossipy Sunday-bitches also.

Back at the Wikipedia home we find out that young Master Wikipedia has a young girl send him naked pictures of herself. His dad Richie Wikipedia is all sorts of proud of his son who is now ‘ a full grown man’ and can look at naked bitches.  His momma Kathy however, is disgusted that a young lady would be such a floozy and send her son those porn shots. While all this shit was going on Richie was busy eyeballing that young ho’ s pictures because he is going to save those pics for his son later so he can get his mack on.

Later on Melissa is trying to sing a ballad in her homegrown music studio and her producer tells her to sing like she means it. Even though this bitch tries, it still doesn’t work until the producer auto tunes the shit out of that song and suddenly Melissa is an award winning ballad songstress. Maybe Gretchen Rossi should of hired this auto tune master for her Pussycats Doll Disaster.

And finally Melissa makes a romantic dinner for her and Midget Psycho Joey who has to shout across the 10 foot long dinner table and thinks Melissa is preggers again; until she tells him she is just presenting him her new song and he decides to get that bitch drunk so he can knock her up with a little Gorga baby. AGAIN!

After rumors hit the web regarding Jacqueline Laurita’s stripper past in Vegas she came back swinging and insist this is a bunch of fabricated bullshit. In fact, even Jacqueline’s father tweeted yesterday that this is nonsense. He states she was working in a convention job because his friend Steve Shirippa from the Soprano’s recommended her for it:

jgrippeJerry Grippe

Very upset about In Touch article. My friend, Steve Shirippa,(Sopranos) recommended Jacq for a convention job in Chicago w/ Versace Sport.

Jacqueline went on to post a long PDF file that states a play by play of how she met husband Chris Laurita:

“HOW I MET CHRIS”
For those of you who have been asking about how Chris and I met, I will tell you the story. Chris and I met the summer of 1996 when Ashley was only five years old. At the time, I rented a chair in a salon doing hair as a licensed cosmetologist in Las Vegas, Nevada where I had moved with my ex-husband and my parents in 1990.

I also would work my salon schedule and appointments around certain weeks when I was modeling at conventions that frequently came to our town. It was good money that I needed and I enjoyed doing it. I don’t really like to call it modeling because it wasn’t as glamorous as print work and runway, but I had fun doing it anyway.

I modeled clothes, shoes, accessories, electronics, computer programs, just what ever came to town. I never took jobs out of town because I had to take care of a small child. One day my Dad, who was senior vice president of operations at the Riviera Hotel and Casino, told me that a coworker of his knew a guy that needed a model to work in his booth at a trade show in Chicago. It was for the the NSGA (National Sporting Goods) trade show or something like that. I could never afford a vacation, so a trip to Chicago sounded like a pretty good deal to me and came at a time when I really felt like I needed to get away. My Dad’s coworker was a guy named Steve Shiripa.
You may know him by his character on The Sopranos. Steve is actually the guy that introduced me to a friend who hired me to do that job in Chicago. Meanwhile, Chris was a jobber in the wholesale apparel business and was building a new company. He was returning from vacation when he and his brothers decided last minute to go to the convention in Chicago. Chris was living in New Jersey at the time. Fate and destiny at work. Chris and his brothers happened to come by our booth and his brother just happened to know one of the girls I was working with through her sister. Small world. Chris and I were introduced. I thought nothing of it, besides the fact that he was a handsome guy with pretty blue eyes and dimples who was very quiet and seemed shy, but sexy at the same time.

Chris and his brothers came back around later that day and invited us to a dinner they were having. I originally said no because I didn’t know them well enough, but the girl I was working with kept insisting that she knew them to be good guys. She told me that Chris wasn’t going to go unless I went. I found that strange and hard to believe because Chris and I hadn’t spoken much, but I was intrigued at the same time. I finally agreed to go to the dinner but only if we met them there. Chris and I sat across from each other and basically tuned everyone else
out all night while we talked and laughed. We had an instant connection. I had a great time with him.

When I left, we exchanged numbers to keep in touch, never thinking it could go anywhere because of the distance between us. From that day on it was nonstop visiting and ridiculously long and frequent phone calls in which we really got to know each other and became the best of friends and fell in love. That went on for about five years. There was a year break between us after three years. I really had no desire to move to New Jersey at the time and pull Ashley away from my family and friends and he couldn’t make the move to Nevada. We couldn’t move forward. I was so in love with him and I wasn’t dating other people, but I was scared to make the move. After our year apart, our failed attempts to get each other out of our minds and attempts of being with other people, we both realized we were just meant to be together and it wasn’t worth fighting it anymore. We had missed being in each other’s lives so much. We knew we loved each other but I just didn’t know where he would fit in and where it could go.

We reconnected and then a year later he came to me and proposed to me right in front of Ashley. I had to make a decision right then and there. HELL YES! I decided to go for it. I knew if I didn’t that I might regret it the rest of me life. I knew that I loved Chris, he made me laugh, we both enjoyed a lot of the same interests, we had the same family values, and wanted similar things for our future. I felt safe with him and knew that he would always take care of me and Ashley, and he’d treat her like his own daughter. It was the best decision I ever made! We’ve been together since and we’re still going strong. I still see my Nevada friends and family often. It all worked out.(While dating Chris I also went on to work for Lancome and worked on-call for swing and graveyard shifts as a cocktail waitress for a local hotel and casino called Samstown. I also freelanced as a makeup artist, just in case you were wondering.) That’s the end of my long ass story and the beginning of a new one that you’re more familiar with … my life in New Jersey.

Jax also posted on Twitter a very blurry, grainy picture (that looks more like something on Paranormal Activity)  of her in front of the booth she worked at the day she met Chris.

She also posted this restaurant card from the day they met:

And this copy of an airplane roundtrip  Chicago/Vegas ticket, there is also business cards with her name that don’t say Professional Prostitution Whore (she left that one out!):

According to US Weekly Jacqueline  “will never speak to Teresa again,” and Caroline Manzo “hasn’t spoken to Teresa in months,” because “Every time they get together to film, everyone’s fighting with Teresa.” Melissa added that “Caroline is upset over the charade.” and  that “Teresa and Melissa still communicate for family stuff, but things are strained,”

So what do you bitches think is she lying to cover her ass? Ooor did Joker Face and Teresa cooked this one up in their bullshit cauldron?

Yes I am getting in the Halloween spirit. I honestly don’t care if Jax used to be a stripper or not, and I know one way or the other the truth always comes out in the end anyway. The one thing I was mostly curios about was where did she live before Vegas? I send her a tweet asking her, but I doubt she will answer a smart ass blogger who clowns on her.

By TwitterButtons.com

Rumors about Jacqueline Laurita being a former Las Vegas stripper have been swirling around for quite some time now. Although this information has not been confirmed before; In Touch Weekly is stating that according to a “source” (Teresa?) Jacqueline was indeed a stripper in Vegas and that while she was shaking her ass for dollar bills, she met her future husband Christopher Laurita who swept her and Ashley away into the posh life of the New Jersey suburbs and turn the ho’ into a real housewife.

The so called source (and we all know who the source is right bitches?) told the mag that Jacqueline has admitted to her close friends she used to strip for cash. “She has confirmed her stripper past to multiple friends who are covering up for her,” and supposedly she is desperately asking people to keep a lid on it. “She is telling everyone to deny it!”

And of course the cliche reason for her exotic dancer job was because. “At the time, she was a single mom who needed to dance at a club in order to pay her bills,”

Teresa I mean, the “source”  also revealed that the real reason Jacqueline chickened out of the reunion was because she was scared of Joker Face showing up to help air Jacqueline’s dirty chones. “She feared that Danielle Staub would make a surprise appearance and tell all about Jacqueline’s stripping past,” and added . “She didn’t want to face the truth!”

And apparently Joker Face has  claimed Jacqueline confided in her that she used to polish the pole. When someone tweeted Joker Face a question regarding Jacqueline’s past. ‘Would u mind responding to the rumors that [Jacqueline was] an exotic dancer years ago in LV?’ Danielle tweeted back, “She was and then some.” “And then some?” Is this mean there is more? Perhaps prostitution whoring also?

Jacqueline is also apparently paranoid that her husband’s financial problems will also be aired out. According to the “source” (cough, Tree, cough!) Chris Laurita’s company Signature Apparel Group is in the hole for 25 million dollars and back in 2009 the company filed bankruptcy.

This makes sense, since days before the reunion Joker Face stated she was contacted to be on the show one more time and it also makes me question why whenever Jacqueline fights with her daughter Ashley, she always backs down and Ashley acts like she has the upper hand and her mother is below her because she knows something Jacqueline doesn’t want her to blurt out in the middle of a fight. I am surprised when they had their big intervention fight at the restaurant Ashley didn’t say  “At least I am 20 and don’t have a kid or am a stripper!”

Also in the same magazine Teresa’s husband’s philandering was mentioned. Apparently Barney Devito was in Atlantic City with an unidentified blonde. The witness reports: “He was drinking at the Waterfront Tower with four women [one of which was the blonde],”the source also states that Barney Devito was trying to keep a low profile. “At 2 a.m., I saw Joe leave a hotel room carrying his duffel bag. He looked like he didn’t want to be noticed.” Barney Devito denies this and tries to make it sound like gangs of bitches are just throwing their panties at him Another so called witness tried to cover up for Barney Devito, “about 30 women approached Joe that night, and he never went to a hotel room.”

To top it off supposedly Davana Medina the other woman that was caught having dinner with Barney Devito was dumped by her boyfriend when all this shit came out!

Since everyone hates Teresa it is really kinda hard to guess which one of the bitches leaked this out, but I am going with Kim Granny-Tell as the winner.

Thanks to my readers for the heads up on this juicy gossip.

While Teresa gets her family ready for the Gorga/Giudice family portrait she tells her husband Barney Devito she believes the family feud is coming to an end, but Barney Devito doesn’t believe that, which is why he doesn’t stop Milania from beating the crap out of the baby Audriana since in a few years they will both be bitch slapping each other and throwing tables at family weddings, gatherings and their future children Christenings  so why not allow them to train on their furniture throwing and weave pulling skills while they are young. This way they can continue the Gorga/Giudice family tradition of keeping petty scores and fighting over bullshit, they been doing it since before they all joined this TV show wreckage wasn’t the old people fighting too Kathy’s mom and Tree’s dad? Or some shit like that? So there you go. It’s a family tradition they just don’t know it yet.

Next we have a boring segment of Ashley getting a pep-talk from uncle Jaime who is the gen-X version of the black sheep of the Manzo clan. It appears he passed the back sheep torch to Ashley a few years back and now he is in town to talk to Ashley about how to remain being a successful black sheep of the family and make your own money because California condos and “swallow’ tattoos cost money unless you are willing to swallow in exchange.

The Godmother gives some generic advice on her radio show to callers that are getting laughed at by her lovely children the Manzo kids. Ooh, the fun bonding activities they share!

At the Wikipedia’s young Miss Victoria is going to some kind of school prom and being properly courted by a well-dressed frightened young man who is being warned by old man Wikipedia that he will suffer from cracked nuts if young Miss Victoria comes back de-virginized. Later when it’s time to go young Miss Victoria comes down the steps with her pretty dress and Papa Ritchie thinks she forgot to put her jeans underneath.

Its family portrait day and grandpa Gorga stumbles in to the house, bitching and complaining that he can’t see shit because he just came back from the doctors who put eye-drops in his eyes just in case another fun night of table flipping and yelling (like the Christening from hell) occurs this way he doesn’t have to see it. Psycho midget Joey wants to drink with grandpa Gorga, but this makes little Gia nervous because she knows once the adults start drinking the punches start flying and she’s seen this one too many times in her young life so she tries to stop them, to no avail.

Later grandpa Gorga farts during the family photo-shoot and the photographer tells him to stop farting. But it’s too late the green toxic fart cloud is already hanging over the family picture that already got taken it represents the Gorga/Giudice feud and the fart that bonds them together.

And now the gossip/recipe cookbook Fabulicious. At Caroline’s Lauren has a surprise surprise for Caroline. (She wasn’t surprised she seen this earlier) and it’s a copy of Teresa’s latest cookbook. Lauren tells her mother Caroline what asshole Tree wrote about her in the cookbook calling her “Italian as the Olive Garden” ragging on the way Caroline prepares her fried meatballs and saying Caroline is only 1/16th Italian. So Caroline acts like she is pissed (she is still pissed from earlier when she originally read the book, but now the cameras are here so she gets worked up again) and Gregg yells “AWWW HELL NOOO!!!”

As Lauren continues to read the list of insults that Teresa printed in her cookbook mama Manzo gets more and more pissed-off specially when she is reminded that Teresa insulted her baby Christopher for wanting to open up a stripper/car-wash and Teresa says she wouldn’t want her daughters working there. That’s true I guess she wouldn’t want Gia to be the main attraction over at Bada Bing’s Car Wash Boobs and Lube, while poor Milania has to work as security. Not fair why can’t they both be the main attraction? Just kidding they are good girls, they are going to be pimping those bitches instead not being one of them , which is much better.

Caroline then says that her friend-shit with Teresa is over. The other Manzo children start  howling  a war-bark at the moon, and Lauren finishes it with “Hang around shit long enough you start to stink.”

At Kathy’s her husband Ritchie throws away the book when they also discovered Teresa called him an annoying asshole and at Melissa’s she complains to her older sister that Tree called her a copycat and she says she will hide this book from Psycho Joey and since his punk ass don’t know how to read he is not going to find out what Tree wrote about Mel. That is until the episode airs and he sees for himself.

Jacqueline shows up at Tree’s to confront her about the book, but chickens out later when she notices that Gia is on her mama’s side when it comes to Tio Joe and how “Melissa controls him.”

The episode continues with the ending of the Teresa and Kathy fight in Punta Cana. Barney Devito grabs a net and puts it around his wife’s neck to haul her away because he knows damn well she is a “hot-headed” asshole and likes to start all kinds of shit over nothing. After that, Barney Devito  has a talk with Ritchie while they both primp themselves in the bathroom and Barney Devito  being the enlightened man that he is, tells Ritchie that he is not defending Teresa because women are “are fucking retarded” anyway. Yeah, just wait until ALL his daughters are grown and still living in the house with him and Tree and he says that comment while ALL of them are on their periods at the same time (including Teresa unless she is on menopause) I can just see Milania when she gets promoted from brat to bitch, SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU OLD TROLL GIVE ME PIZZA  I’M ON MY PERIOD!!

Jacqueline and Chris decide to walk off to talk shit about what a wackadoo Teresa is. Chris gets tired and decides to suddenly jump on Jacqueline’s back for a piggy back ride back to the hotel while kicking her on the sides and grabbing her boobs yelling “YAH!! YAH!!”

While this is going on the Rat Pack, Albie, Christopher and Gregg decide they are going to spy on Barney Devito and Teresa doing it while they are both in the bathroom. EEEWWWW!!!  Instead, they end up outside the bathroom window where Teresa is now changing into a mood changing “Wonder Woman, crazy bitch” I’M IGNORING KATHY outfit created by NASA. While the Three Stooges are trying to fish out gossip (for the gossip magazines later,) Barney Devito walks in on them and instead of busting them he thinks they are spying on Tree ”pooping” and he doesn’t care. As a matter of fact he opens the window for them so they can get a whiff too!

That night they all go out to get drunk and into a fist-punching, kick stomping bar brawl, surprisingly with other people NOT with each other. Except Bravo never airs the bar brawl only the earlier part of the evening when the Giudice/Gorga’s were a lovey-dovey-family. Teresa and her brother hug and kiss, Barney Devito and Melissa hug and kiss. Barney and Psycho Midget Joey hug and kiss then, they play swords with each other, to see who is the shortest troll with the smallest itty bitty penis and it’s a tie. It’s all one big dysfunctional happy family-orgy full of hugs kisses and farts. To be honest with you I would rather see this interaction than when they’re drunken bitch slapping each other and of course we all know this didn’t last.

The next day Melissa and Psycho Joe Gorga release some “poison” in the bathroom and the Manzo boys, but specially Man-Servant-Sexy-Gregg feel lucky to walk in on it since Psycho Midget Joey had his little ”Tarzan” “On Display.”

The girls including Miss Gregg all decide to follow Teresa’s lead and go to the market in Punta Cana. They all get dressed up and decked out in their tackiest high heels from head to toe. These bitches think they are all going to the upscale Gucci and  Louis Vuitton stores  they are all accustomed to. So, when they show up cameras in-tow in all their pampered Princess tacky glory at the open air market the locals where confused  and excited. They didn’t know if these bitches where upscale hookers from the USA taking over their little dirty humble, parasite, farm animal carcass infested open air third world market. But they were close. VERY CLOSE! I bet this was the most exciting thing that happened in their little village since that one time that Pedro farted nasty at the public sinks at the plaza. They are going to be talking about this for years to come.

Those bitches walking around on those run down streets as if they where freaking out in a bloody massacre horror film in their five hundred dollar “Gucci’s” on drippy blood were NOT the only things that were  ”on display” at that open air market. The carcasses of dead cows and chicken heads were, but it appears their fake titties where upstaging the other things at that meat market. Did y’all see those scary looking locals drooling on those ho’s? Then, Teresa decides to grab a dead chicken and goes on chasing the other bitches with it. Teresa also decides to fan her cooch and ask the confused spice vendor if he ever read her book since she is a famous author and TV Star extraordinaire and even if this humble village doesn’t have any Internet access (except for the local drug lord) Teresa feels that is NO excuse for this quiet humble vendor who doesn’t even understand what the fuck she is saying, to NOT know who she is.

Teresa says the reason she is out in the local market is because she is doing research on writing her third cook book where she will be doing a “fusion” of Italian and Italian food. Except this time instead of using tomatoes, cheese, dough, meat and spices for the base “ingrediencess” she will be using dough, tomatoes, meat and cheese instead. So it’s totally different see.

While the Puta Princesses are out flapping their goods “On Display” for the local village the men go golfing. And when I say golfing they went and treated the golf course like the batting cages. The Godfather is the only one that knows how to golf (since he has to make all those crooked deals with city officials an’ all) and he is appalled and embarrassed he took these ass-mooning, drunken, savage, clowns with him.

That night Barney Devito was surprisingly going horn-dog on Teresa. Maybe it turns him on when she freaks out and goes “crazy bitch” on the other ho’s.

The Manzo boys decide that everything has been too peaceful between the ho’s and want to see a cat-fight so for the final dinner at Punta Cana they decide to have a contest to see who the Puta Cana Princess is. Immediately Teresa starts taking this nonsense serious like her life depends on it and gets this worried look in her face because she is afraid to lose this life or death contest.

They each win some lame ass category. Melissa gets asked who the VP of the United States and the bitch didn’t know his name!

IS THIS DUDE!

Then someone showed her this picture and she suddenly remembered it was Biden. When Melissa gets one more question about world geography she gets another point for naming Antarctica as the continent where Egypt resides because apparently none of these dip-shits know Egypt is in Africa none of them know, not even ex-college drop out Albie, oh wait maybe that’s why he got flunked out of school.

On the very last day of their trip Teresa’s lost bag of faux-jewerlies arrives after it went on its own traveling adventure from Florida to Las Vegas to Hawaii and then back to the Dominican Republic. When Teresa gets her bags she jumps up and down from joy and Greg rolls up his eyes.

Everyone goes back to the United States, after almost half of them got detained for the bar brawl and that was Albie, Barney Devito and Greg.

Melissa is now back in New Jersey and is nervous about her big performance at the Black Water thingy. When she walks in to meet with her professional back up dancers you can tell she is nervous and since she “doesn’t know how to dance worth shit” like Ritchie said in an earlier episode she can’t keep up with the dance steps. This is the reason the strip club place had to make her a bartender instead. Psycho Midget Joe also was trying to rent some live tigers to distract people in case Melissa’s performances flops because what better way to be distracted than to be worried there are two live tigers that can go on a feeding bloody frenzy at any minute in a room packed with about 600 people and one exit.

Then, when she does her singing rehearsal she sounds like a banshee having sex with a werewolf so they auto-tune her real nice and somehow a scientist comes up with a formula that makes her shoes give her rhythm to follow the dance steps. Awesomely she pulls the performance off and turns on all the mens even Barney Devito who congratulates her by giving her a long dry humping hug. Everyone loves each other even Teresa and Kathy get along, Teresa goes as far as apologizing to Kathy for being a crazy asshole. They are all one big happy dysfunctional issue-infested family! For now.

Teresa Giudice has a new yearly tradition, to cause a brawl and cut a bitch at the annual Posche Fashion Show. This year it appears the shenanigans involved Kim De Paola (owner of Posche) and Melissa Gorga her sister-in-law. The genius instigators of drama that is the Bravo producers had invited Kim G to the fashion show to set up the circus of drama. It must be the end of the world coming people, because Kim G refuse the invite because she felt she was going to get set up. Supposedly Teresa and Kim D (the other Kim) wanted to “expose” Melissa’s past as a stripper.

Because of all this bullshit Jacqueline started making up an excuse that she was sick, and wanted to skip out on the reunion show. She tweeted: “I feel nauseous and feverish. No reunion for me.Sorry guys.XOXO!” Never has a housewife skipped on the reunion, but I guess we have a first. Apparently Jacqueline attended  the Posche Fashion Show and supposedly Teresa and Kim D teamed up to fuck with Melissa. This is what Jacqueline tweeted: “Someone( not me) got set up tonight. There are some sneaky people trying to make someone look bad & then play innocent on camera. Sad.” An insider told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D tried to start a rumor Melissa was a stripper “Teresa was involved in a rumor that started which stated Melissa was a stripper,” the insider tells Reality Tea adding that “Melissa was never a stripper.” And adds “Of course, once Teresa got caught, she [started] playing the blame game. Teresa and Kim D were part of this “set up” which is why Joe Gorga came at the end of the fashion show.”

Psycho Joe Gorga went on a tweeting verbal bitch smacking rampage against Teresa. From Reality Tea:– “I thought the saying was blood is thicker than water. #BULLSHIT”. Upon arriving at the fashion show, Joe had it out with Kim D and had to be calmed down by Caroline.

Teresa managed to finally push Jacqueline and Caroline to their limit with her bullshit and now they no longer speak to her. The source reveals the only reason Caroline and Jacqueline had to sit with Teresa and show up to the fashion show was because Bravo forced them to.

Jacqueline kept going off on her Twitter, “2b honest.I’m tired of the BS &shitty low life people.I didn’t know this was what I signed up 4.I have 2rise above&move on.”

The initial rumor was that Teresa got into it with that bitch Monica Chacon at the Fashion Show, but as it turns out Monica refused the invite from Bravo also and decide to skip. Bravo was also rumored to have been inviting Joker Face to the Russian roulette party and that bitch refused also!

The insider also told Reality Tea that Teresa and Kim D where all hanging out together and filming all day, they even arrived at the fashion show together! (As dates of each other?) and Teresa has alienated all of her costars. That’s why she is hanging around that witch Kim D because nobody else will play with her!

 While Teresa was prostituting herself to Bravo by bringing in the drama and taking out her aggressions on bitches whose husbands still want to sniff their panties and all of that good shit was going down, Barney Devito was hanging around his girlfriend. Supposedly:

Barney Devito was “spotted” having an intimated dinner with a misterious brunnete woman who was in her late 20s or early 30s.

From Radaronline:

“I was in the T.G.I. Fridays and saw Joe and this woman who was NOT Teresa having a drink in a booth by the bar,” eyewitness Erin exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

“They were drinking martinis and when the woman finished hers she took a sip out of Joe’s glass too.  They looked like they were having a good time together and laughing with each other.”

After a waiter brought them wet naps the woman opened hers and “wiped Joe’s hands off with hers,” Erin said.  “It was really intimate to see her touching his hands like that.

“They looked very comfortable and cozy together.”

  I can’t tell how old that “mysterious” woman looks like, but I think she looks like Joker Face! (Danielle Staub) Wouldn’t that be some shit if it was Joker Face?

Jacqueline did NOT attend the reunion like she stated and gave an interview to People Magazine confirming she is quiting this unhealthy circus of chaos:

“Jacqueline [Laurita] definitely quit,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She had to walk away for her sanity.”

A source tells PEOPLE that Laurita “had no intention of going to the reunion, and the other women weren’t expecting her to turn up.”

 Meanwhile on her Twitter account, costar Teresa Giudice also hinted at tensions at the fashion show – and with Jacqueline – writing, “I don’t even wanna go there b/c I don’t fight on twitter not w/ fans, not haters, not w/ mean RTs & def not w/ a friend (ahem) or my family!”

 Giudice also wrote on Wednesday evening: “The rumors are getting ridiculous. Let’s get this straight: I LOVE my WHOLE family. Would never do anything to hurt them.”The show lost original cast member Danielle Staub last year, and returned with new cast membersKathy Wakile and Melissa Gorga for its third season.

“I can’t be part of the Charade anymore,” Laurita Tweeted Wednesday. “It’s unsettling. It’s disturbing & against what I stand for. I’m a REAL housewife.”

 Later, she reiterated her point, writing, “I’d like to only focus on positive things now please. I threw the trash out.I’m cleaning now and reorganizing.Starting fresh and new.”

 When reached, Bravo reps had no comment.

Remember Dina Manzo had already hinted that someone was quitting!

Thank you all that send me links to this juicy piece of gossip!

Back in 2009 Teresa and Barney Devito had to file for bankruptcy to the tune of 11 million dollars, but just recently the bankruptcy trustees in charge of handling their case are accusing Teresa and Barney Devito of intentionally withholding assets including a business account and a 250 thousand dollar advance on Teresa’s cook book Skinny Italian.  According to an article by Life & Style Magazine, Teresa is facing up to 6 months jail time for what looks like intentionally waiting until after the bankruptcy was filed to sign her book contract:

Giudice, 39, and her husband Giuseppe ‘Joe’ Giudice, 40, filed for bankruptcy in 2009, claiming over $11 million in debt. A year later, their bankruptcy trustees alleged that Teresa knowningly withheld assets, including a $250,000 advance for her best-selling cookbook, ‘Skinny Italian’, as well as a business bank account. Withholding this information could land Teresa in jail for a minimum of six months, and a maximum of one year. 

 Sources close to the family say that the former Teresa Gorga had her book contract a week before the bankruptcy filing, but waited until a month later to sign it. New Jersey lawyer Eric Lubin, who isn’t involved with the case says: “It seems as though she was avoiding signing the contract so that the money would come to her after the bankruptcy petition was filed. How could anyone forget that they have $250,000 coming to them?” In a bankruptcy, everything the debtor owns before the filing goes toward paying off debts. Anything earned after filing, the debtor can keep.

Teresa Giuduce, who appears on the Real Housewives of New Jersey with her brother Joe Gorga and sister-in-law Melissa Gorga, insists that any omissions were ‘accidental’. Legal experts say Teresa is living on borrowed time. She and Joe Giudice were originally due to appear in court to face allegations of bankruptcy fraud on July 14, 2011, but the proceedings have been postponed, possibly to give her more time with her family before heading off to jail. Teresa tells Life & Style: “I have no fears. Hopefully everything is going to be good.”

And now on to Ashley’s dad ordeal. It was reported during the weekend that Ashley’s dad John Madison Holmes AKA Matt Holmes and his hottie wife Jodi, were arrested last Thursday for intentionally setting their two-story home on fire in order to collect a $429,000 hefty insurance check that the two later used to rebuild their home and pay for plastic surgery and a 40 thousand dollar ring for his wife Jodi Holmes. A insider came forward and ratted the couple out, the “witness” stated that Matt started the fire by pouring kerosene and gasoline in three of the rooms.

Here is the original article:

PARKER COUNTY — A Saginaw man, John Madison Holmes, 39, was arrested Thursday and has been charged with arson, insurance fraud and money laundering in connection with a suspected March 12 arson..

His wife, Jodi Sue Holmes, 36, was arrested Friday on a charge of money laundering, as well.

Soon after the fire that destroyed the couple’s two-story house at 1450 Veal Station Road that was undergoing remodel work, Holmes told Parker County Fire Marshal’s Investigator Ken Dabbs he had been at the house dropping off supplies for contractors 30 to 45 minutes before firefighters were called out to the blaze, according to court records.

“A credible witness” recently came forward and said John Holmes started the fire in three rooms of the house using kerosene and gasoline, according to Dabbs, who already believed the fire to be intentionally set after finding no electrical shorts or other reasonable cause.

Holmes and his wife received $429,000 in insurance money, Dabbs said.

The complaint filed by Dabbs alleges Jodi Holmes knew about the arson and used the proceeds to make purchases, including plastic surgery and a $40,000 diamond ring.

As of Friday, investigators have no indication the couple has ever been involved in anything like the suspected arson and neither has ever been arrested, according to Dabbs.

However, the investigation is ongoing and they are working in cooperation with the Parker County Sheriff’s Office, the Parker County Special Crimes Unit, the Parker County Fugitive Apprehension Strike Team and the FBI, Dabbs said.

John Holmes was released on $225,000 bond and his wife was released on $75,000 bond Friday afternoon

I knew that Ashley’s daddy and step-mom were verifiable shady assess and that makes them qualify to join the Real Housewives Side Show. I wonder if Bravo camera circus is going to follow everyone into the jail house and will change the name of the show to Real House Skanks Of The County Jail Starring Teresa Giudice Jail Bitch.

After Monica Chacon was thrown out of Melissa and Psycho Joe’s house; she stood outside waiting for Kim G, who said ‘goodbye and sucks to be you’ to Monica and made that bitch walk home in her stilettos, in the dark, with no ride. What a great friend she is,  stays at the party her side-bitch just got kicked out from HOW NICE!. Kim felt it was better to stay because someone has to start shit and run her mouth and this is exactly what this hag did. How long is her Bravo audition going to go on for?

Teresa is happy and grateful that Melissa threw that skank out and decides to dance with her sister-in-law and Psycho Joe decides to get sandwiched in between the Nalgas of all his sisters-in-law plus some random transvestite bitches in there, so that he can corral them for the orgy he is having later where he will be wearing his best nightie with his high heel slippers.

Teresa tells Melissa that if they stick together they are unstoppable  (yeah imagine all the fraud and scams they can commit?) and Kim G yells “for now!”. Suddenly Teresa hears this bitches sewer-banshee  screeches  and  realizes Kim G is still in the house  smirking like an asshole licking her shit stirring spoon and mocking Teresa because even though the lawyer skank got booted out Kim didn’t, so Kim makes sure she rubs it in Teresa’s face that she is still there. Teresa asks her bro and sil WTF? They tell her to chill because Kim is just a harmless senior citizen, but Tree knows better and tells them that Kim is  a snake who will start all kinds of mad dog shit, but Psycho Joe and Mel decide to ignore that. Did they not watch the last season? Melissa says Teresa hates Kim G because they’re a lot alike so they are secretly sisters. Really? Are you sure you’re all not triplets from different decades?

And of course this time Teresa was right, Kim G is running a trail of diarrhea spewage about Melissa kicking Monica out to anyone that will listen and it appears Kathy and a circle of women are giving her audience, but all she gets is a bunch of dirty looks and frowns. Not too happy Lauren tells that bitch to quit stirring the witch brew because she is pathetic.  The God Mother is keeping an eye on this lunatic like a watchdog and gets on her bitch slapping mode walks up to Kim Granny-Tell gets in that bitche’s face wagging her finger, to tell that bitch off and put her in her place. The God Mother tells that bitch to have respect for their son’s friendship and Kim G keeps smirking like the bitch she is, until she is told to get the fuck out by Christopher who is trying to stop the two grandma’s from going at it, so he gets in between them. Kim G’s bodyguard (who is like 70, 80?) stands there staring while gnats are flying around his face and Kim G yells SEEK SEEK!! But that doesn’t work on her elderly body guard (whom she picked up at the old-people-home she finds her free dates at) then his ass gets yelled at by The God Father (who is also ready to throw down) and tells him to FUCK OFF!

Chris tries to be cool about the whole deal and decides he is not going to let this shit-storm get more stormy so he talks to Kim Granny-Tell (like an adult which obviously SHE is NOT!) and tries to patch things up by kindly walking her outside. While he is outside chatting with Kim G Teresa and Barney Devito are waiting for the valet to bring their car and end up watching the whole spectacle realizing Kim G is getting kicked out of the party. Tree is glad she isn’t in this mess and tells her hubby she is going to ride his vibrator wearing sausage cock all night long while Kim G plays with her toys. EEEEWWWW!!! Thanks Tree now I need to wash my brain with acid to get rid of that image.

The God Mother freaks out because she doesn’t want her baby Christopher outside trying to reason with the Devil so she sends her “Golden Boy” to fetch him and finish taking out the “Gaw-bage”. Of course she is walking right behind Albie to make sure that old bitch leaves, The God Father is right behind her in case he has to send his thugs out to throw the security guard in the trash whom I’m sure took refuge in hiding under the car by now. Ashley is also right behind HOPING that she will have to go rip some old lady weave, but her mom drags her back in. The God Father calls Kim a “clown” and Ashley responds “just like Danielle!”.

Christopher seems to be handling the situation pretty well when Albie comes fling out like he’s ready to box Kim G and he commands Christopher to come back in. Like a little boy that got grounded and can’t play outside anymore, Christopher comes back inside and when Kim G tries to come back in Albie barks at her, BITCH YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, I’M SECURITY, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, and Kim G asks him when did you become security? But Albie has a reply for everything and says SINCE LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO BITCH! LEAVE! And surprisingly she left! Teresa yells “ding dong the witch is dead!”.

Melissa thinks it’s strange that the Manzo’s were kicking someone out of her party. If it had been any other people she would of being pissed, BUT since this is the Manzo’s she is going to shut the fuck up and NOT bitch, but instead just tell her boys to take notes and do the same for mama when their ass is grown up. Well yeah! When her son’s are like twenty, she is still gonna be feeding them in the mouth with the apron strings attached, so them barking at bitches that start shit with their mama is expected.

After the fiasco the Manzo’s are all sitting around while Christopher expects a call from Johnny, Kim G’s son. Christopher is pissed off that he was handling the situation well, but his familia had to get all ugly and kick Kim G out and all this shit while he was trying to be respectful to his friend’s mother, despite the fact she is a crazy ass bitch. I feel bad for Christopher! The older Chris  jumps in to give his opinion on Kim G and says that the bitch needs to be smacked and “all bets are off!” IT’S WAR! The phone rings and is Johnny on the other line they talk things out and all is well. I’m sure Kim G’s son knows how crazy his mom is no one has to explain it to him, that’s why he ran far away to college like he did to get away from her. However, that crazy bitch Kim G went to Rumorfix.com where she claims the cameras didn’t get the full drama she says that Albie shoved her and her son and Christopher got into a fight as a result of this shit and she seems to have an air of satisfaction that she ruined their friendship. Is this bitch mentally ill or just plain evil?

When the party is over and everyone leaves Psycho Joe has to show his respect to the God Father by kissing his ring (he better remember to ask him a favor on Lauren’s wedding day) then he thanks him for taking the “Gaw-bage” out of his house.

Melissa says the party was a success, even though they spend 50k on the party it was all for charity and worth it they were able to collect eight used toys amounting to less than ten dollars and some of them weren’t even toys, they were just things people found around the house and wrapped up. There’s going to be a cancer child opening up a can of Cheese Wiz on Christmas day.

Kathy is having her own Christmas party and her mom is there helping her prepare food and in familias Italianas the women go on a  cooking marathon during Christmas eve while they talk shit about everybody and they don’t stop until they’re done. Kathy’s mom tells the story about how a hundred years ago her husband sold his business to her brother and he never finished paying so she didn’t speak to the brother for like another 70 years and one day she ran into him at the fish market and started crying because she was regretful. Sounds like keeping score has been around in this family for decades and now it has just mutated into a big circus that’s getting aired out on national TV. Their entertaining fights and brawls are no longer limited to the neighbors eyes, now the whole country can watch! AWESOME!

Caroline is giving advice on her radio show and people are calling in while she tells them to quit being pussies. Her brother Chris calls totally unexpected and unscripted by Bravo and asks advice on dealing with Assho-ley. And she tells him to put the smack down. No just kidding she tells him something stupid like he is doing a good job or some shit. I heard that right now Assho-ley is living in Texas with her other family because she got tarred, feathered and chased out of town by the Jersey folk.

I didn’t know Caroline’s brother is in town. Uh oh!! Is that Caroline?! Sorry! Caroline is cooking up a storm of her own, including her dad’s special ghetto I’m broke bitch sauce that he came up with when he was home-bound baked off his ass and broke. AHHH the recipes stoners come up with are the best!

Teresa’s daughters are all dolled up in the beautiful flower girl dresses she picked up cheap at the yard sale from My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding. The dress itself weights twice each little girl’s body weight and this weights them down if any of them think of running away. I’m looking at you Audriana!

The Gorga’s show up (Melissa had to drag Joe and bribe him with sex because he didn’t want to be there) and Melissa’s daughter is also sporting her own fifty pound dress. Fake Santa Claus show up and the girls are not fooled since they know it’s their grandma. Kids are so smart these days, with the Internet an’ all.

And speaking of Gypsy weddings and teenage brides Gia got a ring from a boy she doesn’t like, but she will take his rings and gifts. Barney Devito gets the shotgun ready as he and grandpa Gorga plan on negotiating an old fashioned shotgun Catskills wedding with a dowry for little Gia.

Uncle Psycho Joe  comes over to tease Gia and tells  her he is going to beat up her boyfriend and drunken Barney Devito gets all kinds of pissed because he believes Psycho Joe is ruining his evil genius plan of this marriage arraignment he is trying to coordinate in marrying Gia off to a rich family and get out of debt. So he decides to sit at the dinning table and trash talk Psycho Joe by calling him and his family “fucking animals” and calls Melissa “Raccoon face” and a “witch”. Yeah, this is really going to help things along with the Gorga/Giudice family feud.

Teresa and Melissa argue over whose outfit looks more like a two-dollar corner-whore. And Teresa tries to say she is embarrassed for Melissa showing her plastic cleavage (on Jesus’ 89th b-day) but Teresa is showing half butt-cheek. Turd meet the runs. Both of you are dressed like you have the SAME pimp! So shut the fuck up already!

Psycho Joe and Melissa do not stay for dinner, but instead head out to Kathy Wikipedia and her husband’s leaving a pissed off Teresa who had a place set for her brother and family the kids are pissed that they didn’t get to stay and play with their cousins. Poor kids! Right now they are too young to understand the so-called grown-ups immaturity!

It’s Christmas time in New Joysey and Teresa and her family are all decorating a twenty foot tall Christmas tree with all kinds of huge gold tacky balls. Teresa says that because of their bankruptcy they are cutting back  this year and  they are not having a tree made out of money like last year.

And decorating the Christmas tree in Teresa’s house means talking shit about everyone in your family that you don’t like while the bigger kids watch the little ones and smack them if needed the way they see mom and dad do every day. NICE!

Meanwhile Melissa and Psycho Joe are working on their very own bankruptcy (to keep up with the Giudice’s) by blowing 50k on ‘Jesus’s birthday’ by having all kinds of expensive decorations and extravagant parties plus paying extra for the sexy ”well spoken good looking models”  to serve at the party (where no one speaks English properly) and staying away from the “rolly-polly’s”  fugly fat motherfuckers they could of hired and saved a buck on. But don’t worry this is all to collect presents for children with Cancer or some scam like that according to Psycho Joe.  I wonder if he’s going to wear a glitter dress again?

While Melissa is fussing with the Christmas tree and almost having  a tree land on her head and splitting it in half, Psycho Joe is sitting there eating chips and talking shit about Barney Devito and wondering how Barney  is going to behave when he comes over to this party. Is he going to fling feces out of his chones and start pounding on the table calling Teresa ‘gaw-bage’ like last time that resulted in the entire meltdown of crazy that followed?

Uuuhh-oooh, wait that was Psycho Joe that did that shit. However, in Psycho Joe’s little monkey brain he remembers it different; and still insist it was all Barney Devito and Teresa who came in tearing up their shirts and pounding on their chest all dramatic like Hulk Hogan. Yep.

Teresa complains to her husband Barney Devito about all the trash the paps print about them being broke assess with a possible foreclosure and Barney’s various run-ins with the law and  DUI’s. But, just seconds after she complains or her new found fucked up fame, her Attention Whore Personality disorder seizure hits her and she brags that she knows how Brad and Angelina feel every day. She is right though, except Brad and Angelina have fame and money not fame and bankruptcy.

Melissa’s older annoying sister Lyssa, (the bigger asshole one of the two) claims that Barney Devito’s mom, mama Giudice punched her in the face (God bless her!) at the “Christening gonne wrong”.  It’s about time! Somebody had to punch that bitch. But why didn’t Bravo catch that excitement? I would of love to see Mama Giudice in action! Those Italian grandma’s don’t fuck around.

At Jacqueline’s house is Assho-ley’s birthday and Jacqueline gives her a special Rosary blessed by her psychic to ward off and drive evil away. And right away Ashley’s face turns orange and her head starts spinning when she holds the Rosary and Jacqueline telling her (like a genius that one!) that her birthday gift was supposed to be a surprise visit from her birth-dad who flaked on her at the last minute for the umpteenth time doesn’t help. It causes  Ashley to throw the Rosary back at her mom while flames are coming out of her mouth because she wants her absent birth dad who hangs up on her, and not fake dad Chris who is there every day putting up with her psycho-whinny shit for how many years now? And buying her all the expensive crap she needs like  clothes, food, housing, cell phones, brand new Jeeps, etc. Let’s all play a violin for Assho-ley and her unnecessary whining over imaginary problems.

But her problems continue. Pobrecita. Ashley’s mother forces her to go to dinner with the family she has here and Ashley tries to call her birth dad who hangs up on her annoying ass.

Lauren and her brother’s already arrived at the restaurant where Ashley is being forced to make a dinner appearance. Lauren says she doesn’t want to sit next to whinny little brat Ashley(oooh, these girls are going to make great future House Skanks!) who got “the same thing she fucked up last time!” for her birthday, or she may pull a Mama Giudice and get tempted to punch Ashley in the face also. Please sit next to her!

Assho-ley arrives late and proceeds to text during the whole dinner while ignoring everyone around her, even after Jacqueline tells her to quit it and get up to give a speech. Ass-holey says thank you to everyone for coming and not choking her with her own hair, even though she is an asshole. Everyone doesn’t care about Ashley’s speech since they were not showing up for her, they were showing up because there was free food. She also tries to tell her friends that she wishes her step dad Chris and her, were closer because ‘money can’t buy you a relationship’ (is she also going to make a song Ala- Countless LuAss?). Somehow when Ass-holey says that I just see her wearing a clown suit and I can’t take her serious.

Kathy is also decorating her house with Christmas junk and spewing more of her BS about how she wants everyone to get along for Christmas. Her husband Rich is outside trying to knock the power out of the entire block, (maybe the whole neighborhood) by hanging more lights than their house can handle, he even has  paid professional Christmas light decorators and everything.

Caroline and big Al visit the jewelry store to get a bracelet that has stones representing her children and they forgot to ad Lauren. BASTARDS! Anyways that was boring, moving on.

Melissa gets ready for her big Melissa Jesus Birthday Bash by taking off her chones because she doesn’t need underwear for this type of party according to her fuglier sister Brunhilda. Psycho Joe wants to make sure his evening sparkly hooker gown arrived from the cleaners, just in time for his big drag queen musical for the party and of course for the children with Cancer who can certainly benefit from Psycho Joe running around in a dress.  Melissa tells Psycho Joe that if she catches him waging his ass at the gay party planner she will cut off his little we-wee.

After Teresa gets her hair did by her replacement ‘hair gay’ because that bitch Melissa done stole and kidnapped Teresa’s ‘hair girl’, Teresa drags Barney Devito out of the house and his ass is holding on to everything his tubby little hands can grab on to, in order to avoid  getting in the car. He even grabs a hold of a punching bag and proceeds to demonstrate to Teresa what’s going to happen if any one says shit to them as he does his famous Bruce Lee round house move and kicks the bag. I was impressed he can get his little short leg to go up that high. Very impressed!

At Melissa’s party, which  is now in full swing, there are Carolers, sexy looking servers, running around (not fugly Rolly Polly ones!), huge plates of food, a bar in the “li-berry”,  a full- on casino (because you know Jesus likes to get his gamble on!) with drop dead Gorga money, drag queens, a huge sculpture of Psycho Joe sticking his little peen in Melissa ala- doggy style, Guatemalan Leprechauns spitting fire and all kinds of extravagant expensive shit. And all for the children with Cancer who will get some 99 cent store toys out of all this or was it for Jesus’s Birthday? Who cares there’s booze.

Melissa and her fugly sisters pose on the step and repeat, and while this is going on, Kathy is there dressed like a bondage slut. Little Psycho Joe gets all kinds of boner-excited by this, so he starts whistling and cat-calling Kathy saying she looks like a ‘hot slut’. Her husband Rich gets horrified by this and tells Psycho Joe he will kick his fucking ass and throw him over the ice sculpture. Psycho Joe  laughs at him and tells him to chill, after all, this is the kind of kinky shit they do in this part of the New Joysey Backwoods and Richard shouldn’t be jealous. How da-ya’ alls think Kathy and Psycho Joe plus Teresa learned to have sex?  They had to learn to play the Banjo at home with each other. YEEEHAAAWWW!!!! Play the Banjo Joe! What’s up with all this inbred shit? It’s fucking disturbing.

Caroline, Jacqueline, Lauren the Manzo brothers, Greg all  arrive and are confused. And for a minute think they may be at Teresa’s house. But quickly realize they are at Melissa’s house, who is just now coming down the stairs (with no underwear) and the microphone in her hand, to give some speech about how much she is hiding her whale tail or some shit. Thank God she didn’t start singing.

Albie also gets his own kind of confused when he sees the gambling and thinks he is at the Bellagio. Pobrecito! He shouldn’t drop acid anymore.

Teresa is getting food when Kathy comes up to her to say hello and “nice to see you,” remember when you me and Psycho Joe had that Banjo Trio jam session and the next day we were all not virgins anymore? But Teresa isn’t too happy and snaps at Kathy (this is after she told Barney Devito to walk away from drama ok) and says “Now, it’s nice to see me!”. Kathy gets all pissed and runs over to her butch sister (she was at the Banjo Trio also) to cry about what a “fucking bitch!” Teresa is. Then, she runs to the bathroom to lock herself in there with her husband Richard who advices her to get back out there and  “fucking rip her a new asshole right now!” meanwhile he is going to get some matches because ” if you want I’m going to burn this whole fucking place down”. Yeah, he is a real level headed guy.

Because these people can’t have a party without starting some kind of shit drama. Melissa’s brother-in-law (the other Joe) stumbles up to Barney Devito and demands the money he owes him for fixing his AC and drunken slurs at Barney Devito WHERE’S MY MONEY BITCH! (this is Lyssas’s husband, the same drunken doofus from the Christening that said Barney Devito owed him money) Barney Devito is appalled that some drunken fool is accusing him of owing him money, but surprisingly walks away. Meanwhile Teresa is complaining to Melissa that this drunken asshole is harassing Barney Devito for money. Like a miracle of Jesus’s Birthday Melissa walks up to her bro-in-law and tells him to cut the shit even his wife tells him to quit his drunken crap and leave Barney Devito alone who will talk to him later about this thousand dollars situation in the middle of the woods somewhere.

I have a feeling that after Lyssa scolded her drunken husband she was high five-ing his ass because they are auditioning to be on this low brow show so that they can embarrass themselves some more,  with the hopes to make their storyline about Barney Devito owing the other Joe this money and dragging this throughout the season. How exciting!

The best part of this clusterfuck of crazy was when Kim Granny Panties shows up with a surprise party crasher in-tow Monica Chacon.This is the bitch that just days before this party takes place, got the verbal bitch slap from Teresa when the bitch went off on her with the wrath of King Kong right there at the courtroom in front of God and everybody. Monica Chacon was married to Teresa’s husband’s, partner’s lawyer. Yeah, I was lost there too.

Kim Grany-Tell walks in with her usual air of arrogance and her I do what I want evil grin. Her and her unwelcome guest decide to rub it in by toasting to “People learning to control themselves.” Yeah because you know damn well those two bitches KNOW Teresa is unable to control her cave-woman instinct from taking over and will more than likely chase Monica Chacon with her pounding club while yelling PROSTITUTION WHOAARRRAAA!!! And those bitches are hoping and praying to get Teresa lured into their trap and pounce on Monica Chacon while Monica and and Kim Granny-Tell stand there acting like they didn’t do anything and Monica looks like the victim. Is this Monica bitch hoping Bravo would pick her ass up also? If she is a lawyer wouldn’t she know better than to show up at a party to antagonize a ghetto bitch with a hair trigger that she is already fighting with? Isn’t that against “ethnics” like Teresa’s dumbs ass would say? WTF? Really?

You know, sometimes watching this show scares me because I start wondering about humanity. I mean really? I thought people that were lawyers would know better than that, and conduct themselves a certain way by avoiding possible altercations with hood rats, but this bitch showing up at a party where she KNOWS she is not welcome because a possible brawl can occur as the result of her presence, plus befriending Kim G seems really unprofessional,  stupid and very hood-ratty of her. Like she just wants to start the shit some dumb-ass teenager punk would start for shits and giggles by getting some bitch with a hair trigger all riled up and people are supposed to go to  her with their legal problems? I hope if I ever need a lawyer I hope I do not get someone like this Chacon bitch with her twisted leanings. I mean really? What would this bitche’s legal advice be if I was trying to put a restraining order on someone and they were at a party that I was NOT invited nor welcome to would she legally advice me  to go to the party and  ”fucking rip her a new asshole right now!”.

When Teresa finds out that Monica Chacon has arrived with Kim G she freaks out, and warns Melissa and her brother Psycho Joe that they better throw that bitch out on her ass because if they don’t Teresa will go apeshit on her, and they don’t want that.

Since Melissa has worked so hard on this Melissa’s Jesus’s Birthday Bash that she even paid extra to keep fugly people out and her chones off so she doesn’t end up pissing off Jesus because his party got ruined, her and Psycho Joe actually do the right thing and state that they draw the line at people talking smack about Teresa’s money problems because since they are family they can fight with Teresa and have all kind’s of ongoing brawls, (that’s what Christening’s are for) but outsider people can’t (I guess they are all thick as thieves like that) and surprisingly Melissa takes Teresa’s side and asks Kim G, calmly to get the fuck out and take Monica Chacon with her. But since this is Kim Granny-Tell they are talking to, instead of shutting her trap, taking Monica with her, and getting the fuck out with no arguments, she instead stands there and starts haggling as if she was at the swap meet buying underwear because this is how this bitch rolls.

Melissa and Joe tell her punk ass again and again to leave and take that bitch with her, bitch starts getting louder, yelling and arguing then, she stands there and says with her evil grin that Monica is ”not afraid of Teresa”. Like a miracle of Christmas their response to Kim G was, Bitch I don’t give a shit it’s not about her not being afraid of Teresa, GET THE FUCK OUT  AND TAKE THAT BITCH WITH YOU! The bitch wouldn’t listen but Psycho Joe and Melissa stuck to their guns. What part of GET OUT and take THAT BITCH with you don’t you understand? What is your major malfunction do I have to punch you in the tumor hole in your head? WTF?!!

Monica steps in the conversation and tries to get sympathy from Joe and Melissa by saying  that Teresa has made her life hell for three years and that’s why she is here starting this shit because she is the bigger educated lawyer and classy like that. WHAT?  Surprisingly none of this stupid spewage fazes the Gorgas and again they tell her SO WHAT BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT!! OUT!!

Did it cross this hag’s mind that she looked like a stupid asshole standing there next to loony ass Kim G begging these people if she could  stay to antagonize cave-woman? If that woman was my lawyer I would fire her ass like yesterday for stupid shit like that.

Jacqueline and Caroline are standing around and Jacqueline tells Kim G to cut her shit. Finally Melissa has to drag Monica out and the bitch leaves. Like I said it was a fucking miracle they stuck up for Teresa and Barney Devito and threw that bitch out. I guess there’s hope for this family of neanderthals to kiss and make up, but now that they made up the shit has to keep going by having another bitch to fight with so I think Bravo should just stick Kim G in this circus already she seems to love this bullshit like heroin to a junkie.

In the next episode it looks like Monica left and Kim Granny-Tell stayed (what a fucked up bitch she didn’t even leave with her unwelcome guest) I guess Kim Granny-Tell had to stay to keep the shit storm going and gets yelled at by Caroline who puts her in her place and the Manzo boys end up kicking her out when she gets up on their momma’s face. What a fucking mess wasn’t Chris like best friends with that bitche’s son? Now because of her raging Attention Whore Personality Disorder it looks like she is going to ruin her son’s friendship with Chris. What an asshole!

 Check out the video above, it was hilarious and horrifying at the same time!

Remember Lizzie Grubman?  The woman that Ashley Holmes works for (for free), remember when Ashley flipped out in front of her and Jacqueline in that one episode because she has to drive to the city to her no pay-job and that’s why her step dad bought her a car (again). Well, that bitch declined an offer to be on Real Housewives of New York, because they can’t film you snorting lines of meth according to her she is too busy running over people with a car her PR firm and having a life to do this bullshit show.

Bravo is thinking about replacing the whole skank team with new fresh hotter meat. So that is exactly why I don’t understand why they asked Lizzie Grubman’ to join in the first place? WTF?

When she made her appearance on that one episode with Ashley she looked like she had been up for eight nights straight, with her nose in a mirror taking breaks every now and then by picking the scabs off her face.

From New York Post:

Also in other news because Kelly Looney Tunes is crazy I guess that bitch is saying she misses Bethenny Frankel now, and she is happy that Bethenny is doing well. THE FUCK? 

Here is what she told Eonline:
 

 Well I guess that’s good, maybe she stopped taking the chemical jelly beans and just went granola and that calms the psycho.