Phaedra and her mom hang out at her kitchen and feed little baby Ayden. Phaedra tells her mother how she wishes Apollo would just get on board with the funeral home business so she can finally fulfill her fantasy of becoming the next Adams family Morticia and leave this legacy to little Ayden. Because that’s the only reason why Phaedra would want to leave her lucrative profession as a lawyer for strippers and porn stars and move to 0001 Cemetery Lane and start a funeral home. Apollo doesn’t want anything to do with this creepy funeral business. He may see people he knows there, since his current business involves scenes and situations from Too Fast Too Furious an’ all.

For some reason I thought Cynthia and her husband Bitter Peter were going to some counselors office while they wait at some place because the two of them are biting at each other (and not in a good way) but instead they are going to some dance lessons. Odd place to get into an awkward argument at. Cynthia is all pissed off at Peter for ditching her at that agency opening party she threw because Uncle Ben was too busy hanging out with some girl named Betty Crocker, from the pool party the night before. Bitter Peter tells Cynthia if she don’t like this marriage to get off the train at the next stop.

Cynthia and Bitter Peter keep bickering and airing out their dirty laundry. Suddenly some dance instructor lady comes out to teach them how to move their left feets without each other trying to lead or else they may try to continue killing each other.

Kim is bitching and complaining that baby Kroy pees on all her designer clothes (that Big Poppa more than likely bought as well as her tacky ass furniture) her daughter Kim Jr Brielle  is mouthy and doesn’t want to help her put away the Versace china (that Big Poppa bought her).

However, little Arianna is helpful and willing to make her momma happy because she knows who to suck up to so she can get Kim’s golddiging money when Kim dies that Kim earned while on her back or all fours. That little girl is smart. Brielle is acting out because she wants to test her mom and Kroy.

I feel sorry for Kroy because now he has to play dad to a spoiled kid that he hasn’t known for that long and the worst part is he jumped in this dad business right when Brielle got the teenage horns that come out of their skull when they turn 14, after the horns come out the head starts spinning and they start talking back so you need special holy water to handle that shit. Poor Kroy God be with him.

Kandi  and Lil Ronnie head to Tennessee to work on writing some country songs with her new country star friend Jo Dee Messina who moves almost all of Kandi’s songs words around to make it sound more country. But Kandi has a country voice when she sings. Kandi is all nervous that Jo Dee doesn’t like her songs, but it all ends up well when they compromise since that chick Jo Dee is pretty cool and laid back. Kandi rubs all of Jo Dee’s country music awards for good luck. Later on Lil Ronnie buys Kandi her first cowgirl hat and some boots. Kandi is now an official cowgirl.

NeNe hangs out with Marlo who is confronting NeNe about making the fugly double ass monster with Charles Grant. NeNe denies it and says she only had a drink with Charles (maybe they did bump fuglies but the two fools where so drunk they don’t remember what happened?)

NeNe says that Charles never ever saw her “Hello Kitty” and Marlo tells NeNe that the rumor of her and Charles better not come back true because Marlo is an ex-con who’s been arrested 7 times and did time for beating up a girl. NeNe’s eyes bulge out with fear and so instead of fighting with Marlo she decides to invite her to go shopping with her. Later on the two Amazonian hot messes go shopping together and they bond. I think NeNe is keeping this dangerous ex-con on her good side.

Sheree shows up at Kim’s rented mansion with yoga mats and healthy vegetable snacks. Kim whose idea of keeping her chunky ass slim is going to the doctors office to have the cottage cheese fat removed from her tights via vacuum suction system, is not happy with the idea of having to do planks on the floor on a mat because that takes effort (with an “A”) that her princess fat ass doesn’t want to have to put out because she has to conserve that energy to have Kroy plank her on the floor instead.

What Kim doesn’t understand and Sheree was trying to explain to her beast ass (the same way Phaedra tried to explain the law to Sheree previously) is that she is now married to an athlete with a tight ass who is around hot cheerleaders so homegirl needs to keep up.

Sheree also drools over Kroy while doing planks in an effort to encourage Kim to exercise. After like two planks because that’s all Kim can handle, Sheree tries to make that bitch some healthy veggie smoothies, but Kim bitches and moans that it tastes like crap even thought she ends up admitting it’s not that bad.

Kim also complains to Sheree about her difficult spoiled teenager Kim Jr whose head’s been spinning like the exorcist while she pukes green stuff on people and poor Kroy is in the middle of this mess trying to be dad. Oh well I am sure Brielle will come out of it and turn like Jacqueline’s Ashley so she’ll be fine! Kroy’s just gonna have to buy her a condo in California when she is 20 to get rid of her.

Later on that day Phaedra and her husband Apollo meet up with Willie Watkins to try and convince Apollo to be part of Phaedra’s fabulous funeral home that Phaedra will make the dead person the star of because she wants “to do funerals worth dying for,” and turn a funeral into fabulous “Events! Not just throw ‘em in the ground. Let’s throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!”. Apollo wanted to puke when he toured the embalming room (I kinda did too I have that same puke gross creeped out of dead people thing this guy has) Phaedra admits that she is into vampires. TOLD YA’ SHE IS GOTH!

Apollo thanks Willie Wonka I mean Watkins for the tour and after Willie and Phaedra share a few more creepy laughs together Apollo and Phaedra leave and Apollo says he will think about it. Meaning HELL TO THE NOOOO!!!

NeNe shows up at some chi-chi fund raiser Marlo invited her to, for some Captain Planet save the whales or something or the other thing. Anyway, NeNe meets another Viking Amazon like herself who is trying to peddle NeNe the earrings she designed inspired after the “Italian” (really NeNe?) Dalai Lama. Did y’all see “Miss Tall’s” mortified face when NeNe thought the “The spiritual leader of Tibet” was some Italian hippie dude or some shit?  And Marlo didn’t catch on to that! HA HA HA HA!!

After Elizabeth Dewberry realized the intellectual “chameleon” genius she was dealing with (that wasn’t going to buy any of the super expensive, high class, yard sale items available that day) she jumped out of the scene hoping to NOT be filmed anymore. If you’re gonna be a “Chameleon” learn some basic culture about the type of stuff these rich ass donation peddler fucktards are babbling about. Watch History Channel or something. PAY ATTENTION PLEAZZZEEE!!!!

Later on , Apollo shows up at Phaedra’s office with a bouquet of flowers and tells her he wants to discuss going into the funeral business with her. Phaedra finds a way to convince Apollo to be sucked into Phaedra’s necrophiliac vampire fantasies by appointing him the hottie that will be comforting young hot girls in mourning. Phaedra’s a freak! HA HA HA!! She will pimp her husband out she don’t give a shit, I like that bitch. With that offer Apollo decides quickly that he will be going into the funeral business with her after all. But, he is not touching no dead bodies! Somehow Phaedra found a way to make him part of her goth adventures. But failed to make him agree to touch the dead people. Looks like Phaedra has more work to do!

Next Cynthia and Uncle Ben go to real counseling (as foreshadowed earlier when they went to the dance lessons.) Bitter Peter appears to be trying to be a good husband and hear when he is wrong. Except when Cynthia yells at him to write shit down because he has old timer’s disease and can’t remember shit with his “dinosaur” brain. In the end Bitter Peter tells Cynthia he loves her and they kiss and make up. Until next fight.

The first thing we see is Sheree berating Phaedra about how shitty the hearing went. Phaedra disagrees with Sheree and believes the hearing went well. Phaedra again tries to explain to Sheree how these law things work, but Sheree is having none of it. Because she doesn’t understand shit she decides it’s better to just blame Phaedra and bad mouth her to half the town.

Sheree insist that Phaedra was outsmarted by a dumb ass then, they start arguing over the retainer and all the hoops Phaedra’s assistant had to jump through to get that check (not to mention the kickboxing match he had to endure with She-Man.)

After bickering over the retainer Phaedra decides she’s had enough of Sheree’s ridiculousness and fires her as a client. It was done quick, clean, sniper stile; not all crazy, screaming circus style like the house skanks usually do it in situations like these. Which is surprising. Sheree is relieved because she didn’t know how the fuck she was going to fire that bitch and she is happy she gets her five thousand dollar retainer check back . When Phaedra hands over the check it bounces out the window and Sheree chases after it.

At Kim’s house she is getting ready to move to her new Barbie Dream McMansion. Kim hires Kendra who is an interior designer to clean up an paint the new house. Kim wants Kendra to complete everything in one week . Poor Kendra! Not only does she have to clean up and paint, but she also has to kick out the hobos and crackheads that were squatting at that mansion rent free. “Good luck bitch!”

Cynthia is still on her quest to bring New York to Atlanta. So, she decides to hold some artsy fartsy party for a friend. Sheree is wearing some fabulous Liberace fucked Frankenstein Horse Shoes clad in rhinestones, and I bet these fugly ass shoes costs her like nine thousand dollars I see why Bob is reluctant to handing her over any more money.

Cynthia is stoked that Marlo Hampton, the town’s number one successful golddigger (Kim apparently is number two now) is attending this classy pachanga.

Kandi continues on pestering Marlo about how she got her money. Marlo insist that she got her money from some divine deity and this is the reason she wears no panties and lets it all air out. Kandi knows Marlo doesn’t blow money, but she also knows that Marlo blows to get money. So who is she blowing? That’s what Kandi wants to know.

We are then taken to the underbelly of the ghetto and we hear gunshots, police sirens and ambulances in the background to let us know we have arrived at the location of Bar None . Inside we find Cynthia getting primped up for a photo shoot for some bullshit “power couple” thing they’re trying to sell us, that her and Bitter Peter are going to be featured in.

Cynthia lets Peter know that her invitations for Bar None are being send out at last minute before a holiday weekend and Peter mocks  Cynthia for being an airheaded ditz because there is no way the guest can get these on time unless that shit teleports.

Cynthia then, starts whining and asking Peter to send the invitations himself because she is strapped to a chair getting her hair stapled and face pasted on.

Cynthia sits there begging Bitter Peter to help her send out those invitations. Cynthia begs and begs she even offers free blow jobs and threesomes with random trannies, but Bitter Peter’s Viagra hasn’t kicked in, so bribes like that don’t work on him. Then, he laughs at Cynthia,  ignores her, walks away grabs a bucket of soapy water and yells at the bar wench on national Televison because she let some asshole smear his turd tracks on the white couch the night before. During this whole time Cynthia is sitting there yelling some shit about them being a team. Uncle Ben just ignores Cynthia and yells WHATEVER!! and scrubs the diarrhea jizz off the couch. Then he says that stupid Cynthia needs to fall on her bony ass because he has failed ninety-nine times and counting and this time he is  taking that flaky bitch with him.

NeNe clowns on Cynthia about being a floaty little model living in a dream full of dumb. I wonder if Cynthia used to be Kelly Sasquatch from New York Skank’s roommate and the dumb rubbed off? NeNe says Bitter Peter is the opposite of  Cynthia’s pampered candy-ass and likes to grab life by the balls. I wonder if she speaks from personal experience and maybe Peter grabs NeNe by the balls when they sneak off behind Cynthia’s back?

Kim, Kroy and the kids are moving in to their new rented McMansion. Kim yells at the movers and tells them they are a bunch of idiots and the movers respond by breaking her rent-to-own furniture. It’s a beautiful “clusterfuck”. Kim then reminisces on her town-home and all the random one night standers that passed throught the revolving doors that lead to the Kim-wall of shame. Even Moose NeNe signed the wall of shame.  How shameful!

Twenty two year old Bryson is cleaning up his mama NeNe’s house who is berating him for being a male slut who is wasting his youth away and needs to get his shit togueter before he has 100 kids running around and a harem of baby mamas.

Nene says that Bryson is old enough to have sex, (he does that) drink liquor, (he does that) and smoke weed (I know FOR SURE he does that!) Then, she reminds her son repeatedly to use condoms; Bryson can’t take it and is driving him nuts so he runs out of the house and avoids cleaning it.

Kandi’s manager Don Juan berates Kandi for helping talentless minute-friends who are just using her for her kindness and studio (coug, coug, Kim) Kandi says she wants to try and write Country music because deep down inside Kandi is a cowgirl.  Then, she calls some friend of hers who is a country pumpkin and they set up a play date for Nashville. When Kandi sings for her friend she sounds VERRRRYYYY COUNTRY!!

Back at Kim’s house she is carefully strapping all 57 of her freaky lice wigs in her car so they can get to her destination safely.

When Kim the girls, and the wigs drive down the highway, Kim decides to pump the silicone out of her boobs to feed baby Kroy while almost crashing into another car after she lets her younger daughter drive.

When Kim and her brood all arrive at the new house Kroy has this nervous WHAT IS THIS COSTING ME? look of dread. I notice in every episode this poor guy looks more and more doubtful and nervous like he is having second, third and fourth thoughts about permanently bumping fuglies with Kim. It’s surprising her still married her!

Cynthia is getting her makeup did, crying and afraid that her opening party will be a disaster and she won’t be seen as a good business “PEEPER” did that bitch just say that? Was she thinking about taking a “peeper” when that slipped out?  Poor Cynthia’s sister is there getting the bitch slap from Cynthia who is taking out her Bitter Peter frustrations  on her.  Then,  she tells her sister to beat it because her presence is upsetting Princess Cynthia who is having a breakdown. I bet this bitch was doing this all her life even when she was little and her mom and sisters spoiled her and put up with her shit because she was “the pretty one”.

When Cynthia and her mom arrive at the agency the place is full of people. Glad to see Bravo jumped in to save the day and hired a handfull of homeless folks, cleaned them up, dressed them like people and offered them five bucks to appear as guest in Cynthia’s party.

Phaedra and her sausage squeeze-hoochie outfit clowns on Cynthia’s modeling agency and says it’s just there to “blow bubbles” up young fat-girls asses before they have to go and get real jobs as dumpster divers and stiff-stuffers. I wonder if this is what happened to Phaedra?

Kim and Kroy arrive and Kim is afraid to see Moose I mean NeNe who may step on her and Kroy with her size 17 shoes. Sheree says that NeNe aint gonna say shit with Kroy there since Kroy is a football player and can take NeNe down. Probably.

When NeNe arrives Kim is about to shit herself. Later on NeNe starts bragging that she too used to be a model. For what? Sasquatch shoes? Kandi is obsessed with finding out where Marlo got her fortune from, and proceeds to grill her again while stalking her at the party. Marlo insist she gets her money from a magic source and stars saying something stupid about being beautiful and blah, blah, blah. Then Marlo calls Kandi a Big Momma. Yeah, Kandi is a Big Momma and she is the one wearing the strap-on too!

Finally, after beating around the hairy bush for a while, the mangy cat comes out of the bag and Marlo admits she used to date rich white sugar Big Poppas that gave her an allowance and this is how she got her money. Kim pretends to get offended that this bitch had wealthy men supporting her and says WHO DOES THAT? Well didn’t you and Marlo worked for the same pimp and shared a Big Poppa or two, maybe three? NeNe points out that everytime Marlo says “BIG POPPA!” it drives Kim CRAAAZEEEYYY. And NeNe Looooveeess it!!!

Kim freaks out because Kroy used to live under a rock without televison or internet with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears, so her Big Poppa secret was pretty safe. But, now that she made the MISTAKE of bringing naive, unsuspecting Kroy to this party her secret is in danger of slipping out and so when shit keeps getting fuglier and the Big Poppas keep being brought up Kim grabs her wig and Kroy and heads for the nearest exit as if the building was on fire before anything else gets said. I wonder if Kroy is going to secretly watch the first few seasons?

Sheree does what Sheree always does and complains that there is no air conditioner working in that building and it smells like fart.

After Kim and Kroy made a run for it. Cynthia makes some announcement and thanks Bitter Peter, but he is nowhere to be found. Phaedra is laughing  at that shit and kissing on Apollo to rub it in Cynthia’s face that her man is there unlike Bitter Peter. For now, at least.  Bitter Peter never appears. Must of snucked off with one of the trannies from the pool party the night before after his Viagra finally kicked in.

Sheree takes her ex-husband Bob Whitfield to court to demand child support because the 113k yearly and the 775k lump sum wasn’t enough for her to pay for her Gucci’s and 20 thousand dollar purses, plus Aston Martins. How does he expect this bitch to live? Get a job? He is flipping out of his mind Sheree can’t do that. Sheree is nervous about going to court with Bob, since she knows the courts have records on the lump sum and other income he has already forked out and she knows the judge may laugh at her ass out of the courtroom AGAIN for wasting their time.

Kandi Koated Nights  is on the air with her crew and has invited Marlo Hampton and Charles Grant as guest of her radio show and to talk about “How To Hook A Baller” as well as to grind Charles about his brief one-night stand with NeNe Leakes. Charles sits there denying everything because he doesn’t want Marlo to smack him upside down his head. Charles thinks all the pathetic ho’s in the ATL put out too soon and carry themselves like “hookers” so they get treated like one. Right after that, he asks Kandi what her favorite position is,  just to see if she answers like a “hooker.” And she does.Then, he talks about how broke-bitches in the land of “pretend” are walking around in their Gucci’s and getting in a Honda Accord.

Kandi starts harassing Marlo about how she affords her expensive life style and Marlo says some shit about being blessed with a white sugar daddy who supports her ass. Kandi starts laughing her ass off out loud because she knows exactly how Marlo got her money. Marlo then tries to be clever and answer Kandi’s question with another question about how Kandi gets her money. Kandi rightfully brags that she is “talented” and by that she means real talented not lay on your back talented, like Marlo is.

Cynthia drags NeNe to shop at some God-forsaken second hand store to purchase dresses and used panties. NeNe says she ain’t putting on no nasty clothes someone else had on their armpits and crotch because the clothes may have crabs. Cynthia doesn’t care if she catches used clothes ass-lice and purchases several dresses and granny panties. Then, she starts asking NeNe if she gave fugly ass Charles some of her Hello Kitty, NeNe DENIES, DENIES, DENIES. Then she yells “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” Cynthia wants a lie detector test.

Kim and Kroy are taking baby Kroy home and Kim is bitching, nagging and complaining at Kroy because her “twat” hurts and he just has a “yes dear” attitude about it. Kim is lucky to find a man that puts up with her crazy. For now.

When they arrive at home, Kim’s little dog Chanel and her daughter Brielle are pissed off that the new baby is taking their spotlight. The baby poops on the bed and Chanel pees on the floor. Brielle was thinking about pooping the floor too. The only helpful mature one was little Ariana, who is excited and willing to help with her new little brother.

Sheree is modeling court clothes for Phaedra. All of her clothes are  expensive  designer labels and showcase her “donkey booty” waaay too much and this turns Freakdra on. Then, an alarm goes off and it keeps repeating real loud SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!! SECRET LESBIAN ALERT!!. Plus Sheree just bought an expensive Porshe and she wishes to drive that to the court-house to piss off the Judge, who doesn’t even make enough to buy a pimp ride like that. Phaedra tries to reasonably explain to that beast this shit she is trying to show off is just going to backfire on her “donkey booty.” But, Sheree is not listening and is willing to show up while clad in Dolce and Hermes bags that cost the same as a “Toyota Corolla”.

Kandi is meeting with a dildo making lady at the crowded Red Beaver restaurant in front of God and everybody, during the busy lunch rush hour. Dildo lady brings a box of dildos she tried herself earlier and everyone in the restaurant is watching. Then, dildo lady tells Kandi to smell the dildo that she used earlier did y’all see that guy looking at them all excited I think he wanted to join them or something.

Kim is at home bitching at everybody to not sneeze on the baby and yells at Sweetie who is playing around trying on Kim’s wigs and not washing them. Brielle gets in trouble with mom over stabbing her little sister with a spork-fork. Then, we find out the school system in Atlanta is purposelly teaching kids to misspell Effort wiht an “A.” Boring, next.

Next, we find out that Sheree was avoiding payment of the five thousand dollar retainer that she owed Phaedra.(I guess her services are not free anymore.) Dind’t Phaedra read the blogs  about this trifling ho not paying her lawyers fees? Phaedra would of taken half of Sheree’s handbag if she couldn’t produce the check.

Phaedras assistant tells Phaedra that she went looking for Sheree at the hair salon where Sheree was getting her weave done. Sheree was sitting there running her mouth gossiping away at the hair dresser about how she was getting her money from that bastard Bob.

When suddenly, Phaedra’s assistant shows up.  Sheree sees her coming the bitch yells OH SHIT!! Jumps off her seat leaving a stunned hair stylist holding a comb and a stapler, who just got abruptly interrupted by a panicked Sheree in the middle of a conversation, and was only done with the left side of her hair.

Sheree then proceeds to run through the back of the hair salon,(one side of her hair done the other side is all matted and nappy) and as she is running from Phaedra’s money collecting ho’ she pushes the chair where some old lady was sitting getting her hair did, in front of Phaedra’s assistant to cause an obstacle. Then she runs through the back of the hair salon in the alley and the bitch is running like a man running from the police all athletic and shit, like in those action movies where there is a hot pursuit, between cop and criminal.

The poor assistant can’t keep up with Sheree in those stilettos she is wearing (because you know she was) and Sheree has an extra advantage of having a third leg plus all that muscular testosterone She-Man was naturally born with doesn’t hurt. Sheree keeps running through people’s back yards, back-alley high walls, that only a man with Sheree’s athletic skills could master like a pro, and Phaedra’s poor money collecting bitch is at a disadvantage and out of breath.

Eventually Phaedra’s other employee got the five thousand dollar retainer check. But it wasn’t easy. The poor bastard had to also go on hot pursuit of Amazon super athlete Sheree all like Dog The Bounty Hunter and shit. Except Sheree made this dude chase her while leaping through buildings. Bitch was like Spiderman, all jumping from one roof to the other while Phaedra’s assistant burly kept up. When he finally caught up with her, he tackled her and they got into a boxing match. Sheree was doing good too! Hitting him like a man and when he would hit back she would taunt him and yell IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??!! PUNK BITCH!!! That bitch is scary! Finally big boy got an advantage when he got her in a Taiwanese-wresting head-lock, and Sheree was forced to give up the check. You see, that’s what happened and why big dude was all dripping buckets of sweat and exhausted.

Kim’s parents are visiting so to see baby Kroy. Then Kroy finds out that Kim’s parents are brother and sister when Kim’s dad asks baby Kroy if he squeezes one boob while sucking on the other. Kroy looks stunned you know he is having the first red flag of doubt (plus there’s more to come!) And he thinks to himself I’M FROM MONTANA AND WE DON’T EVEN DO THIS SHIT!! And you can hear banjos in the background.

And now round one of, Whitfield VS Whitfield. After spending all afternoon, picking out the right outfit and boxing gloves, Sheree and Phaedra show up at court ready to put Bob in prison. Bob however spend the evening researching and filing a petition for contempt stating Sheree looted his house out of furniture and kitchen sinks that didn’t belong to her. That’s why he didn’t have time to iron his shirt and was “looking a mess.”

Master Attorney at Law extraordinaire Phaedra  Parks looks like a deer in the headlights. BLINDSIDED!! And outsmarted by an ex-NFL player. When she walks over to Bob to get his phone number (yeah, doesn’t Sheree have that already?) Bob starts flirting with her and checking out her “donkey booty” just to make Phaedra and Sheree feel more stupid.

Then he jumps out of his seat and runs amuck through the hallways of city hall sticking his tongue out at Sheree and Phaedra like the fat-cat that just ate the twenty pound canary.

Sheree says Bob outsmarted Phaedra because he knows how to read. Not to mention that, he represented himself and showed up looking like a bum.

Sheree blames the fuckup on Phaedra; and Phaedra blames the fuckup on Sheree. I see a future bitch-slapping festival in the horizon for these two ho’s.

NeNe and Cynthia are both raising hell in NYC. Peter is nervous to let Cynthia’s hot-ageless-ass  go to New York alone because he is insecure she may hook up with her ex-boyfriend Russell Simmons, whom she later meets up with and tries to get her into a flirting marathon with his crazy ass after he tells her that Papa Smurf’s white-beard is not sexy.

Cynthia doesn’t have time for the dumb games because she is in New York to discuss business prospects, you know, just in case Bitter Peter-Papa Smurf’s Magic Jelly-Bean Bar don’t work out and she has to grab her kid and do an emergency split from his broke ass. Bitch don’t want to end up in line at the soup kitchen.

Russell tells Cynthia to stop offering free sugar-doughnuts as snacks in the waiting room at the modeling school, in order to keep away the chubby girls who delusionaly think they can be models, and start offering meth on a plate as a snack option instead, to  only lure the seven feet-tall fifty pound girls who CAN be models. Modeling is a though world.

Sheree is with her mom Thelma at that empty lot, Sheree is hoping to turn into a luxury-shack.  Thelma is the one that bought this empty lot with HER money, but Sheree wants to pretend it was her that bought it. We find out that Bob has been using Sheree’s gift cards to feed the kids when they visit him because he refuses to support his own children. I think Sheree needs to take Phaedra’s offer and drag Bob by the balls to court.

Phaedra is in court defending some thug named Dave, that was driving with extra tinting of the widows and a bag of weed. He shows up baked, wearing street clothes and reeking like reefer. Phaedra is pissed that he didn’t follow her instructions on taking a bath and putting on his good pants. The judge lets him slide with a small fine and a don’t-do-this-shit-again-or-else threat because Phaedra’s “donkey booty” knows the judge pretty well. When they all leave the courtroom Dave pays Phaedra with cash and a half blunt. She should of demanded the full bag of weed as payment plus whatever cash he had in his pocket.

NeNe is having a lunch meeting with her new “business partner”  John Kolaj who is smitten by Miss Lenethia Leake’s charms. John is the guy who owns Famous Famiglia Pizza and supposedly has lots of moneys which Miss Lenethia likes even though he is a major DOOORK. I feel sorry for any teenage kids this fool may have because I can just hear them yelling, “NOO DAD NOOO YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!” Because of that awkward-trying-too-hard-to-romance-meeting he had with NeNe were he  went full on Italian on NeNe and even brought some singing dude that came out of retirement because he apparently owed John a favor (meaning Johh was going to bust a cap in his old ass if he didn’t sing.)

Pobretcito, John must have some undiagnosed mental illness if he is falling for Amazon NeNe, but then again he is good to NeNe he showers her with expensive 1000 dollar shoe-gifts, Tiffany pens for the million dollar deals,  dinner and song. I say TAKE IT NENE, THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO BITCH! Those Italian men, always trying to wine-dine and sixty nine a girl and NeNe fell right into it. Nice! I want to see more of their awkward interactions.

Kandi obviously made up with Mama Joyce, who is getting ready for her dating picture on Sexy Seniors.com. Kandi helps her momma out by squeezing her in a Chorizo encasing girdle that is obviously cutting off Mama Joyce’s circulation. After making her mom up to look like a “drag queen” she poses on a hot-rod. Mama Joyce is a hottie!

After a brief cigarette break, Kim is ready to go to the hospital to birth lil’ Kroy Jagger Meister Jr. The nurse asks Kim a bunch of health questions and the bitch has an asshole attitude about it because she is lying through her yellow smoker-teeth to the nurse when she tells her she is a “non-smoker” the nurse wanted to smack the dirty wig off Kim, while she was thinking BITCH, I WATCH THAT SHOW YOU ARE A CHAIN SMOKER! I thought Kim said ”chain smoker” not “non-smoker” when she answered that question. Even Kroy looks confused when he hears this heap of bullshit coming out of Kim’s mouth. The nurse then, asks Kim: ARE YOU WEARING THAT DOG WIG WHILE DELIVERING? And Kim was like YEAAHH, I’M THE KIMSTER.  She even had Sweetie carry her Poodle-hair wig with her. I mean c’mon of course she is going to wear that shit even while pushing that baby out. What did this nurse want for Kim to be bald while delivering? WTF?

All this time Kim was verbally abusing poor Kroy since thanks to him she is in this ordeal now. Poor Kroy was just looking confused and scared Kim kept complaining that he didn’t look nervous even Kim’s daughter Brielle knew he was “dying inside” but Kim wants to be an asshole. That’s alright though, I guess since she is giving birth she has every right to be an asshole and curse her ass off. When little Kroy Jr gets farted out the first things he hears are his mother’s loud cursings. Finally, little Kroy is here to raise hell and everyone is happy including Papi Kroy Sr.

And now the moment of truth! Cynthia meets with a good friend Kithe (who lost a whole person weight-wise) for a drunken evening. Kithe knows Cynthia is not happy with her new life and marriage and he actually gets a drunken Cynthia who is Queen Of Denial to admit her life in Atlanta sucks, she regrets leaving the excitement of “cunty” New York and she hates being married to Bitter Peter! But we all knew that mess already, didn’t we?

Phaedra brings Kandi a cake, to apologize for El RiDick-Culo’s display of scary raunch sausage. Phaedra tells Kandi she feels really bad that El RiDick-Culo offended Mama Joyce, and Kandi says that Mama Joyce is still pissed and won’t answer her calls because that Full Monty show was too much and too traumatic for Mama Joyce’s sensitive eyes to handle. Phaedra insist El RiDick-Culo and his Tijuana Dip & Donkey show is something the whole world should see. Yeah, try telling that to the 900 party goers (including Mama Joyce) who are still laying in bed with bandages on their eyes.

I guess NeNe’s eyes didn’t bleed because that bitch knew (from personal experience) about El RiDick-Culo’s Peen Show, since she used to shake her ass for nickels on the same stage El RiDick-Culo used to give his Circled Jerkoff show. Not to mention the fact that she has also introduced him thousands of times to a crowd of drunken horny women (and men,) so she knew better than to stay and allow for her eyes to combust in a sea of splattering blood. So she took her eyes out,  and put them in her purse, and drove back home blind because driving back home blind was safer than having ruptured bleeding eyes. Phaedra says that if she could blow herself like El RiDick-Culo she would never leave her house.

Cynthia is doing some gig to introduce homeless crackheads fashion models at something called the International Fashion Week. Cynthia has always played mute walking mannequin NEVER has she introduced models and so every introduction was followed by “correction” blah, blah, blah. I guess the people that put this shit together had a fifty dollar budget since the bitches modeling are wearing pieces of sheets and quilts, plus curtains from the secondhand 99 cent bin, so the broke asses in charge could not afford someone else and they are stuck having to make do with Cynthia and her “corrections.”

For some reason Phaedra and Apollo show up because apparently they made up with Cynthia and Bitter Peter over the blowup at Kim’s baby shower. Sheree is also there with her date Lawrence who decided to wear his old-prostitute-who-couldn’t-afford-a-weave outfit.

After the fashion show, Cynthia is happy that she actually got a couple of sentences together while introducing the models for the show. Then, she collects her payment which is a half-eaten sandwich and a cigarette butt. Bitter Peter snags her payment from her.

We get to meet new housewife Marlo Hampton and her date Charles Grant who supposedly bumped fuglies (pun intended!) with one NeNe Leakes, as Sheree points out. I wonder if Gregg knew about these shenanigans when NeNe screamed at him her famous line “I have done right by you!”

Later on,  Sheree invites her crossed-eyed ex-husband  Bob Whitfield, to visit with her and the kids to play kickball at the park and to have Sheree confront him, blow up at him and throw water in his face about not paying child-support. While Shree is yelling at Bob for being a deadbeat-dad he just sits there with this FUCK OFF look in his face. As much as I can’t stand men who refuse to support their children, Bob makes a point when he reminds Sheree that she needs to quit buying 15k purses (don’t forget Aston Martin’s) and that she is an able body female who can go out and clean toilets to support those kids. However, his ass still should pay for those children whether that bitch wants to blow the money on designer purses or not, as long as the children are wearing the expensive purses this bitch likes on their feet like shoes.

I bet  this is the real reason (or excuse)  Bob is refusing to pay his child-support checks because he is afraid Sheree will blow the money on expensive  shit for herself while the kids run around barefoot and wearing a potato sack to school. After Sheree threw water on Bob (in front of the kids mind you) she walks away all pissed off and he sits there calling her “evil to the core!” I wonder if Sheree used to beat his ass when they were married?

After Sheree assaulted Bob via sparkletts water, she shows up at Phaedra’s law office to get assistance in dragging  Bob  to court for child support. Phaedra says she will do it and drag his balls to court to squeeze that child support out of him, but Sheree starts crying and says she is not sure she will go through with it. Soooo she is full of shit?

Next Cynthia her mom and her sister Malorie are hanging out at Cynthia’s new brothel modeling school, to get into another argument about what an asshole Bitter Peter is. Cynthia announces she may be giving Bitter Peter another 40 thousand dollar check that he will be wiping his ass with. The mom gets all pissed and yells at her daughters to shut the fuck up, so they do.

Later on Cynthia finds out that Peter won’t be needing her 40k check because he did some shady dealings with the Mafia  got the money from an undisclosed source.

Kim is about to pop that baby out and Brielle is concerned the baby will cause problems in their lives. We also find out that Arianna and Brielle have two different dads. Then, Brielle finds out that Kim breast-fed her (with those big fake plastic boobies) and she becomes so traumatized and grossed out that she has to go brush her teeth. Poor kid!

Kandi finally is allowed to visit Mama Joyce who had to change her hair to forget about that fucking El RiDick-Culo disaster she had to endure and because when her eyes bled it ruined her last weave. Mama Joyce says she feels disrespected by the whole stripper show and doesn’t understand why Freakdra would invite a raunchy ass stripper to perform such a disgusting act knowing Mama Joyce would be there. Kandi continues to apologize and is surprised her mom was offended since her mama is her “homegirl.”

It’s time for Bar None’s opening night Sheree and Lawrence are driving there in a very nice car and they notice how Bar None is located in some god-forsaken ghetto surrounded by boarded up crack houses. Sheree is scared and locks her doors. When they finally make it to the bar they all find out that the air conditioning is not working and this is during a summer night in a packed placed with no air conditioning and exposed wires to make this an uncomfortable fire hazard.

Everyone is in attendance, even that Marlo chick and that Charles guy that supposedly banged NeNe that one time. NeNe shows up at the last four minutes of the party (she was supposed to be there to cohost because she is a big star in that part of the slums) and everyone thinks it’s because she is avoiding Charles who is there and a confrontation may occur. Charles says that he met NeNe, but the bitch was so into herself it was a turn off and he ditched the ho’.

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