Paul talks Adrienne into going with him to some hidden volcano place so he can try and get some later. Adrienne thinks it’s because he wants to push her over the edge of the mountain and into the ocean, since Paul and her haven’t held hands, or kissed or done it doggy style or any style in 25 years or so. Poor Dr. Frankenstein, all he is trying to do is  get some later from Miss Jocelyn Wildenstein Jr, and all that bitch keeps thinking about is the possibility of getting thrown into the sea and having to swim back minus her thousand dollar wig.

Meanwhile at the hotel Kyle is sitting around in a towel stuffing her face full of Mauricio when suddenly there’s Margaritas at the door but all Kyle hears is the loud meth induced screeches that come out of Kim’s lizard mouth.

Yep, Kim has finally arrived in Hawaii in all her disheveled faded glory.  Surprisingly the walls at this fancy schmancy Four Seasons Hotel are thinner than the walls at the Sleazy 8 Hourly Motel because Kyle can hear every single word Kim is farting out of her mouth. I bet Kyle and Maurico will hear the two fucktards next door going at it monkey style and it will disrupt their get-it-on time.

Meanwhile Mauricio who doesn’t seem to give a shit too much if Kim and Quasi are next door or not, just keeps trying to convince his wife to join him in downing Margaritas, since these may help them block the sound of Kim and Quasi next door.

Honey just come here and get drunk with me and blow me!

Later everyone gets dressed to go to dinner.

Brandi is trying to dry hump grandpa Ken and of course he enjoys it. Mauricio is hoping she tries to hump on him and Kyle for a casual threesome later.

Lisa admits to liking Brandi and her stupidity so she allows her in the Menage a trois.

Then this chunky dude shows up and seems to only notice the “ladies” there. NICE!

Camille and Brandi are ready to jump on chunky boy.

This bitch here gets all exicted when Chunky boy says ‘BLOW”

After Brandi  gets passed around like a joint in a hippie van and gropped by a few Hawaiian fat guys (and she loooves that shit) they all plop down to dinner. It was beautiful.

Camille you’re next bitch!

Kim and Quasi show up nice and fucked up. Kim cannot even walk straight. Kim shows up lying about the real reason why her and Quasimodo missed their flight and now she has forgotten the other excuse she gave Kyle over the phone because she was high like a kite at the time and she can’t keep her lies straight.

So, now Kim has a brand new excuse and says that Quasimodo had to work the corner and so they missed their flight and were unable to show up on time. But then, during her talking head interview the dumb bitch admits she was lying when she says she didn’t want to go into explanations about the real reason she was late and that’s why she told Kyle and Mauricio it was because Quasi had to work.

Why does she insist on wearing this hideous garbage bag or psycho Christmas wrapping paper whatever the fuck that shit is she is wearing? WHY KIM?

Wait, DUUH! What was the reason I told these bitches we missed the flight and the train? Did I say I lost my keys and underwears or that Ken had to work? Oh well, I was too fucked up I can’t remember shit.  HE HE HE!!! METH IS A HELL OF A DRUG!

Mauricio and Kyle are equally confused and annoyed with all of Kim’s bullshit.

So Mauricio and Kyle both decide they want to confront Kim and Quasimodo on their constant lying right then and there, in the middle of Mauricio’s birthday dinner. Kim insist (and acts like it’s no big deal she lied) that it’s because her and Quasi were fucked up for the last 3 days on king meth and smack cocktails the supposedly retired Quasi had to work. Mauricio says that they are bullshitting him because he was told previously that Quasi was retired and all of the sudden he has to work, not to mention that Kim also bullshitted Kyle while on the call from her house when she told her she lost her passport and keys and underwear and blah, blah, blah.

And she tries to keep up the charade even with Mauricio confronting her and the cameras rolling. But, I have to agree with Kim and fucktard this was the WRONG time to call her out on her bullshit. But, with these bitches even when fun things are happening around them they all have to shit on it one way or the other. Kim tells her sister and Mauricio to eat the “story” they are feeding them and to quit worrying about the lateness and just be happy and enjoy herself and not ruin Kim’s  high. Kyle says it’s “BULLSHIT!”

Mauricio gets all turned on by Kyle’s insistence on calling out her doped out lying sister and asks Kyle for a kiss after she almost starts a hair pulling cat fight with Kim.

Kim’s hit of X plus the cocktail of other questionable pills kicks in and also to clown on Mauricio and Kyle she decides to smooch on Quasimodo and mock Mauricio.

Then, a frustrated Kyle  notices nothing is fazing Kim so she decides it’s time to talk shit about someone else and she brings up the Chankla/Russell situation and says that Chankla finally left Russell. Kim starts laughing because that was some good smack she slammed that day and surprisingly (and this happens once in a while) out of her insanity mouth truth comes out when she blurts out that Chankla left Russell so that she can be invited to the next party for sure. Everyone looks at Kim like she has maggots coming out of her mouth, but the bitch speaks the truth so everyone else realizes that they have to agree with this crazy bitch on this one. Paul says that Chankla will be back with Russell in two weeks and Camille calls her ‘The boy who cried wolf.”

Lisa (who drank of Chankla Face’s feel sorry for me Kool Aid) tries to stick up for Chankla by saying that she never heard Chankla cry wolf for Russell about leaving him. Camille quickly jumps in and calls bullshit on that bitch and says that Chankla Face said she was leaving Russell while at Camille’s house. Because this dinner is turning awkward Paul decides to propose a toast to his sexy wife who barely gives him a peck on the lips. Everyone gives Adrienne shit for not sucking face with Paul so she decides to plant a good open mouth kiss while she sticks her tongue down his throat. Crazy ass Brandi believes prudish Adrienne is a freak in the bedroom and her and Paul must attend a lot of Roman orgies and such. Yeah, I can just picture Paul with a gag ball in his mouth while Adrienne wears a dominatrix jumpsuit and whips him.

Then, Adrienne makes one of these “I can’t believe I did that!” stupid numbers that bitches like her like to give.

Kyle is sitting there shooting daggers at Chicken Head and Quasi. But, Chicken head Kim can’t tell because she is  flying too high to notice that shit. All Kim cares about is having Quasimodo stay up all night to rub her flat ass. Everybody puked their dinner.

Kyle and Lisa are yapping about what an inconsiderate asshole Kim is and Lisa makes a good point to Kyle about letting it go and quit crying because Kim will never change.

I just want to punch Kim in the face!

Mauricio then, does a toast to tell the truth that will set you free because he is following some fun philosophy or some shit.

This little toast causes Kyle and Kim and Mauricio to start yelling at each other in anger. I bet Kim was really pissed that all these fucktards were pissing on her high.

FUCK YOU ALL IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS EVEN IF I WAS IN SOME GUTTER HAVING METH SPAMS!

BITCH YOU LIED AND NOW NOBODY CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME, LANAI IS RUINED!

While they all yell at each other everyone keeps eating their dinner that now Kim, Kyle, Mauricio and Quasi shit on.

The next day around noon, all the bitches get ready to go on a sail boat ride. They all put on their chones to go catch the short bus to the boat ride except for of course Kim who is too fucked up to find her granny chones and join the other ho’s on time.

Guess who go a blow job last night!

SHUT UP PAUL!

Kyle and Lisa get impatient and go knock on Kim’s door.

Their sailboat ride is in about 20 minutes and so the bitches get impatient and decide to  jump the connecting wall.

Lisa gets her big butt stuck on the wall’s glory hole.

AAAHHH!!! MY BIG FAT ASS (In her uppity English accent) GOT STUCK IN THE THING!!

After Lisa got some butter to unstuck her big British ass, Kyle and Lisa decide to pound on Kim’s back sliding glass door so that Kyle can stand there yelling at that ho’.

GET UP BITCH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!

After Lisa and Kyle climb the wall one more time they both go pound on Kim’s front door.

Kim is either stupid, playing stupid or just still fucked up from her meth and booze binge because she doesn’t even know who is at the front door. This is when Lisa should of said OPEN UP IT’S THE POLICE! Just to fuck with her, I would of.

Then stupid Kim starts fighting with Lisa because she doesn’t want Lisa to come in and see her mirror and that powdery white stuff on it. She will let Kyle in since she already knows about that shit. Finally they all do what they should of done in the first place and leave without Kim.

LATER BITCH!

The other bitches board the boat and have some sort of a teetie contest.

Kim and Quasimodo get in their own car to board the boat. Kim and Quasi don’t even want to go do this activity and in Kim’s delusional head of delusions and meth induced dreams she believes the boat will not leave without her because she is a Marlon fisher? What the fuck? I thought she was an Arabian horse? Now she is a Marlon fisher and this will make the captain to be forced to wait for her? Meth is a hell of a drug indeed. While they all the skanks and the boat crew are sailing away, they see Kim and Quasi driving to the docs but the Captain says he ain’t turning around for that trick and if she wants to join the boat her and Quasi will have to swim. Well bitch they are leaving without you!

Kim and Quasi get there right when the boat was taking off and here’s Kyle!

KIIIIIIM!!! BITCH SWIIIIMMM!!!!

Kyle gets all upset that Kim will be missing the boat and will not be attending so that Kyle can push her over board. Quasi and Kim don’t seem to give a shit or be too bothered they missed the boat. As a matter of fact I think Kim and Quasi wanted to miss that boat on purpose so that they can hole up in the hotel room so they can chop their breakfast on a mirror. During her talking head Kim keeps lying about the real reason they  missed their wake up call while wearing that fugly ass garbage bag that she wears when she misplaces her clothes.

Next Kim and Quasi sit at their lanai babbling about nothing while Kim keeps repeating that “it all happened for a reason.” Following by Quasimodo saying some shit about “respect or else” and threatens to flip out on people if they don’t show respect or some shit, in his weird ass convicted felon voice.

All the land hags have become sea hags. Lisa tries to take off Brandi’s piece of floss that she wears as a bikini so that her vagina can be exposed but surprisingly Brandi catches on to that and ties the piece of floss back onto her tights to cover her ass crack. Mauricio is all trying to look. Everyone who is not afraid of water (Camille and Mauricio) jump in the cool water to see the fishis. But, all the other skank hags stay on the boat because their hair weaves may fall off in the water and their makeup may run. Not to mention the wax on their faces may melt. Camille didn’t seem to have a problem with that so I don’t understand why the other ho’s couldn’t join her.

Brandi wastes no time flirting with the cute Captain of the Trilogy and asks him if he is married or has kids, his response “no just a free spirit” in other words after the one night stand get the fuck out and take a  cab home and don’t call me again.

YOU’RE JUST A BOOTY CALL!!!

Lisa and the other ho’s agree that with Brandi’s “no dimple ass” she shouldn’t even wear clothes.Brandi says that she reminds Lisa of Lisa when Lisa was a young “hottie patootie” and the torch is in Brandi’s hands now. How old is Brandi like 38? I swear these bitches make me feel like I’m a fucking teenager compare to them. Another reason I watch this show.

Next we see Chankla Face talking with her bestie Dana/Pam. Chankla is complaining to Dana/Pam about getting left in California and not be invited to Hawaii because of Russell’s shenanigans. Why is Dana/Pam all lobster red? Was she left out in the sun for 17 hours or did someone take an iron to her face?  Dana/Pam tells Chankla Face that once those bitches realize how wrong they were to kick the Chankla out of the club house because of Russell and once they find out she kicked him to the curb they will all come back with open arms and invite her to their parties and Hawaii trips (paid by Bravo) again.

And Chankla Face sat there crying some more.

Meanwhile in Hawaii the bitches are all going to their final dinner. Everyone is in attendance. When Paul and Adrienne show up Paul kept barking at the hostess “WHAT’S YER NAME?!” Like he was some incoherent rapper holding an oversized plastic chalice painted gold. Adrienne being the most polite of the two tells his ass to calm down.

Of course Kim and Quasi show up all high and on time surprisingly. Everyone keeps busting Kim’s balls about her constant absence and asking her what the fuck is going on with her chicken headed ass because she missed every single activity that was planned. Kim just keeps repeating that she missed the boat “for a reason”. She must be right because the reason must be that her skinny ass would of either gotten thrown overboard or just flowned overboard like Brandi’s ass and floss almost did.

Before everyone plops down to scarf their dinner Paul, Adrienne and Kim are all outside talking about Kim’s relationship to Quasi and how she met him and that type of shit. Quasimodo was wondering around and when he comes by Kim and the others he finds out they are talking about him and Kim makes a joke that this is why his ears are ringing. Quasi doesn’t get the joke and gets up in Adrienne’s face and starts confronting her about how he is not a fan of whatever shit they are spewing about him and how Adrienne has a surprised face like she got caught saying something bad about him. And he is all a weirdo dick about it too with  his sinister low voice .

Paul just stands there watching this fool confront his wife I was waiting for Paul to punch him out but Paul was more classy than that and just said to Quasi that they were saying good things about him and makes him feel stupid.

YOU KNOW, WE WERE SAYING GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. YOU DO KNOW MY WIFE ALWAYS HAS A SURPRISED CRAZY PLASTIC SURGERY LOOK ON HER FACE BECAUSE OF THE SIX  FACE TRANSPLANTS I’VE PERFORMED ON HER FACE RIGHT?

While sitting at dinner Quasimoto starts to trip on Kim about the food she is eating. Quasimoto seems to think he can tell Chicken Head what cheeses she likes and what food she should shove down her fat mouth.

BITCH I’M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU LIKE NOW. DON’T ARGUE WITH ME!

BUT I LIKE BRIE CHEESE!

Kim then, asks for her blanky and Quasi hands it to her so she can cover up because she is cold when she comes down from her meth binges.

Kim keeps telling everyone how she sat around all day and wasted the day pretty much “relaxing” and  “everything happens for a reason” blah, blah, blah. Mauricio and Kyle are still pretty “understandably” pissed off over cracky missing two planes, a bus, a train and a boat and so they decide to confront her crazy ass again.

And again Kim and Quasi just keep acting like nothing happened. Quasi says “we don’t” give a shit what you think and riles up Kyle even more.

Finally Kim and Quasi make the best decision they could of ever made and ‘scram” like the assholes they are.

OK my Hot Bitches been busy at work which is why this recrap is running behind like the nalgas on my ass. Enjoy!

Camille Grammer received an email from an angry Russell Armstrong (similar to the one he send Lisa) warning Camille to shut the her fat mouth about him giving Chankla Face’s lips free beatdowns to keep her lips nice and plump without having to spend money on fat whale injections adding that these accusations are “false and slanderous remarks that could damage his business.” Adrienne and Paul are understandably afraid because with all the shit they all talk after a few cocktails, Russell who appears to be sue happy (those days) may decide to sue their rich assess next and then what?

They discuss the upcoming vacation to Hawaii and how  concerned they are that everyone is going to be afraid of having to hold their butt cheeks togueter to not  fart in Russell’s direction and insult him in the accidental crossfire or he may sue. See this is the reason rich people don’t hang around poor people they are afraid to get sued.

Lisa and Pandora are busy hiring a band for Pandora’s wedding and Lisa gets her panties wet over the Sombrero music. Booooring moving right along.

Back at Kyle’s she is freaking out about her annual white sheeet party because nothing is done; when she suddenly gets a phone call from Adrienne to let her know who was the latest recipient of the Armstrong’s sue happy email. Adrienne advice’s Kyle not to let that bitch Chankla and her  husband into the party because they may start suing bitches at random now. Kyle is not too happy, but knows this is what she has to do to keep the peace.

Kim and her daughters are having lunch at Kim’s latest faux-house possibly courtesy of Bravo so it looks like she has somewhere to live. Kim tells her daughters that her drug dealer I mean Quasimodo Ken will be making an appearance at the white party and that they better be nice to his ugly, creepy, rapist looking face or else he may take that two dollar promise ring back from Kim.

Let’s move right along to the fun part of this whole bitch fest at Kyle’s White Party. This whole episode was so boring but at the White Party is where all the excitements of the evening take place.

First we have stupid ass Kyle running around crying because she cant get a hold of Chankla Face to tell her not to bother coming to the White Party because no one wants her sue-happy ass over there.

While Kyle is freaking out about the Chankla situation, Kim is at the party running amuck already.  She  shows up with her drug-dealer Quasimodo Ken who is keeping her nice and lit up tonight; since she is wired to the moon she starts to act like an ass the minute she gets there and when she sees Pam/Dana  that bitch shows Kim nakid pictures of her and Brandi, but Kim is not digging that shit and tells Pam/Dana to shove those up her fat ass. Pam/Dana tries to laugh it off because she wants to make everyone happy so she can be accepted into this desperate Seahag group but Kim says that she will never make up with that gross bitch Brandi and will break her other leg. Must be the meth talking.

Kim also coughs on Lisa and freaks her out, I guess that must be a passive agressive thing that seniors in the old bitches home must pull when they’re trying to give someone the shingles. Kyle tells Chicken Head to calm her ass down and get along with Slut Pig. The classy Kim insist on breaking Brandi’s other leg. I think grandma need to calm her old ass down; bony ass Brandi can probably sit on her skinny ass with one leg broken and still fart on her chicken face and break Kim’s hip.

Kim  is nice and methed-out and feels like Superman on steroids so she is ready to take on tall ass Brandi.  She goes off to confront Brandi and her amazon bestie. Brandi who is towering over Chicken Head by at least 5 feet is trying to be cool by apologizing to Kim, because Brandi is smarter and realizes that you can’t argue with crazy, you’re just not going to win.

You can also tell that Brandi wants to laugh at chicken head and feels sorry for Kim’s pathetic ass standing there with her bony Tales From The Crypt finger pointing at Brandi berating her as if Brandi was five years old because Brandi likes to say “fuck” a lot and is a pretty girl who “ has a truck driver mouth.” You know,  if I had a nickel for everytime I’ve personally heard that I be Maloof rich. So what if Brandi has a truckdriver mouth? Kim looks and acts like she gives truck driver’s hand jobs for two bucks a pop. Brandi then, decides to yell “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!” You tell her Brandi. Then, she tells Chicken Head to watch that bony finger.

While Kim is confronting the two big bitches  who are secretcly clowning on Kim;  Ken is drooling on Brandi’s plastic teeties and her friend’s too.

Even though Kim is the one telling Brandi she is ghetto and shit, Brandi is not the one acting like a trailer park grandma strung out on meth making a complete buffoon out herself and even seeking her young daughter Kimberly on Brandi when she walks away and yells “MY DAUGHTER HAS SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU!!” That is sooo a low-life move that a trailer park meth head would pull. Kim’s daughter looks all embarrassed and confused because she got there at the tail end of the fight and has no idea what her crack-head mom is talking about or what the fuck she expects her to say to Brandi. Earlier that day  Kim “blew bubbles” of hypocrisy up her daughters asses about getting along with people and blah, blah, blah. Then she lies about her fake cement boobs and tries to tell Pam/Dana they are real. Even Quasimodo knows she is lying.

Kyle pulls Lisa away to gossip about the events that are currently developing and informs her she will have to tell Chankla Face and Russell to fuck off when they show up at the door. Lisa who was the last recipient before it was Camille’s turn in getting one of Russell’s threatening  email’s,  is now trying to be the peacemaker and say that maybe Chankla wasn’t aware of the emails Russell has been sending bitches to threaten them. Adrienne calls bullshit on that and says bitch ”knows” about these shenanigans. She may of even helped her husband type that email, no? Everyone including the men are all in a panick outroar and Kyle sure in fuck dind’t need Methy over there confronting Slut Pig Amazon.

Meanwhile Chankla Face and Russell are in a limo all dressed in white and saying that they left Vegas to go to Kyle’s party. Little do they know that their kind is not welcome at the party.  Listen to their very telling conversation about how now that they’ve forgiven each other they can have fun. What the fuck is that mean? Was this after one of those mutual boxing matches that we are all suspect took place in the Chankla and Russell marriage?

When the limo pulls up Chankla Face spits out a happy crappy “helooooo!” while Kyle is losing her shit in tears as if someone died (sorry about that we all know what happens to Russell later) Chankla is confused as to why Kyle is so upset who can’t spew out what is going on. But Paul straight up tells the duo they need to beat it because of the innapropiate email send to Camille. Russell looks at Mauricio as if he is going to interfere and tell them to come in after all, but Mauricio just laughs at them and tells them that nobody wants to get sued. NO SHIT! Adrienne jumps in and says that Camille will have to call her lawyers if she is near Chankla and Russell because of that bullshit email.

Chankla Face insist that she never read the email, Adrienne says that bitch is full of shit and tells Russell to explain it to his lying bitch wife. Russell says that he was just warning Camille about the false accusations she made and Paul tells Russell that’s bullshit.

After Russell and Chankla realize that these folks are not fucking around and they really want them gone, Chankla Face gets all bitchy and shitty and says some shit about enjoying their party because they left Vegas for this shit.

When Chankla crams her bony ass in the limo an emotional teary Kyle follows her like a desperate teenager that just got dumped by her prom date and starts bawling about the reasons for kicking them both out.  Kyle says that Camille was only repeating all the shit this bitch is been dishing out, but Chankla Face insist that Camille is making this shit up. NO BITCH YOU’RE MAKING THIS SHIT UP! Chankla Face is all hissy-pissy rude and you can tell she wants to rip Kyle’s face off despite all her crying apologies.

Finally Chankla and Russell leave the party all pissed off. I wonder if they got into a boxing match later that night because of all this shit.

 

In Touch Weekly has released some juicy gossip about Kim Richard’s life behind the curtain of Reality TV and how Bravo had to edit a lot of Kim’s belligerent drunken spaz scenes where she had no clue where the fuck she was at, and was falling on her ass being crazy and scary so those scenes needed to be deleted. In a new gossip piece titled “Destroyed By Hollywood,” Kims family spilled the beans about her drug and alcohol abuse. The relatives stated that, “Before the show, Kim was sober and living a low-key life,” and also that Kim is normal and not all trailer park-crazy like last episode when she made a mega-ass out of herself.  “Kim is a really quiet person when she’s sober,” and added “They’ve actually edited out a lot of scenes in which she was acting really sloppy,” and that “It was too evident that she was on something.” DUH!

Back a few years ago when Kim’s niece Paris Hilton made her homemade sex tape that went viral putting Paris on the famous for being famous map, Kim had a jelaousy breakdown (possibly fueled by a midlife crisis) since Kim used to be a child star and failed miserably to make it as an adult actor when Bitch Demon Hollywood spit her out after Kim was no longer “cute.” Kim felt that she “actually had talent,”  and this video of Paris being a ho’ made this bitch lose her shit. “so to watch her niece, Paris become huge for doing nothing was especially difficult. It ate her up inside.”

The same sources stated that Kim is known to have a “lifelong” pattern of heavy drinking  and because “She has always wanted to be famous,” she jumped on the House Skanks Circus Bandwagon because when it comes to fame. “Even a taste of it is addictive to her.” After she joined the circus, Kim who was supposedly clean, quiet and sober started getting hammered again, but the suspicion is that  “She’s a closet drinker who uses alcohol as a way to escape from pressure,”

It was with the help of her sister Kyle that she ended up in this situation because she is the one who aired Kim’s dirty chones after she told the world that Kim is an alcoholic when they had their limo fight on season one.

Recenltly Kim’s ex-husband stated that Kim is doing well in rehab “the happiest she’s been in a long time.” He added “She wanted to seek help so she could get better for herself, her children and her family.” It was also reported Kim’s rehab tab is being paid for by her Hilton rich relatives.

Lisa and Chankla Face are having lunch, Chankla Face says she is hungry. Really? Chankla you know that’s a pizza to eat not some Ajax on a mirror to snort? Right? Lisa is saying she wants to help Chankla because “Lisa wants to look like like the nice guy” while Chankla is auditioning to be the next Cedric. Lisa is falling for it.

Chankla Face says that going to  Brandi’s party was like walking into the lions-den. Yeah I bet, and Chankla was the one acting like the beast of the den. Then she states she doesn’t remember shit of what happened on the night of Brandi’s party because she was plastered like a sailor on payday after guzzling glasses of liquid courage. Then, after she admits that she was drunk off her ass she tells Lisa she hasn’t been drinking much lately. Bitch was probably drunk and can’t keep up with her lies.

Pandora has invited Chankla to ruin her bachelorette party (maybe Lisa pressure her to invite that hag) and surprisingly her 40th birthday falls on the same day as Pandora’s party. I wonder if “controlling” Russell knows Chankla Face will be going to Vegas to dry hump naked Chippendales? The mysteries of life.

After lunch Chankla leaves Lisa stuck with the bill. And so the mooching begins.

Camille has Dedra and Brandi over for lunch, booze and to talk smack about the other ho’s, like usual. Camille thinks Chankla is one hair away from a straight jacket and feels disappointed by Chankla’s asshole behavior. The other bitches don’t understand why Chankla Face is upset that Camille told the world what this bitch has been telling everyone all along. Camille also doesn’t understand Chankla and Lisa’s sudden besties relation-shit, Camille concludes it’s bullshit.

Adrienne and Paul are guest stars on a show called The Doctors and will be playing  a “power couple” who are promoting healthy eating and living.  Paul decides to  GRRRIIINNNDDD!!! On Adrienne’s last nerve by demanding food and complaining about being hungry and he does this shit all the way to the studio. Adrienne tells him he is a punk-bitch and cooking for his ass is not in her “power wife” job title that’s Bernie’s job. PUNK-BITCH!

I swear sometimes I sympathize with this bitch because when Paul is grinding on her last nerve I have flashbacks when Boss Man gets in my last nerve. Except, I love the Boss Man, but he can drive me nuts from time to time. AAARRGGGHHHHH!!!!

Kyle and the morally corrupt Faye Resnick (bitch is trying hard to get on this show) are at some lamp store breaking the lamps on purpose, since this was the only pathetic stunt they could pull out of their ass, so that the camera men would follow them.

Later on Kyle talks about her sister Kim and how that bitch lives under a drug-cocktail rock so she doesn’t use Facebook or Twitter or even answers her phone. Then, she does the splits on her dinning table for her photo-shoot because she too is hawking a book called How To Not Queefe While Doing The Splits. The only cool part about this Kyle-scene, was seeing little Portia and the dog eating cheese off the table. Portia is so adorable the rest is BORING! Moving right along.

Lisa takes her daughter Pandora wedding-dress shopping and the dresses were very pretty blah, blah, blah. Then, Lisa says something about how she rather purchase naked male whores instead of wedding dresses. WELL DUH! However, the best part of that shopping trip was Giggi. That little fucking dog is so damn cute did y’ all see his little paws trying to get out of those awful clothes Lisa insist on forcing him to wear? That little dog is so cute! CUUUUUUUTTTEE!!! That’s all I have to say about that scene.

Because Adrienne got butt-hurt that Pandora didn’t book her wild bachelorette weekend at her Palms Motel And Casino located over the freeway-hill, past 20 hotels and faaarr away from the strip (SCREW THAT!) She too is having a girls wild weekend and invites  Dana, Dedra, Brandi plus Camille to stay in her luxury Real World suite (complete with bedbugs) and bowl with their heels on, plus dance at the night-club and grind on each other while some random weirdo tries to get in between Camille and Brandi, and the bitches totally ignore his stupid ass.

We also got to see another portion of Dana showing off some dumb lollipop holder worth a million dollars. Camille who  could afford a few of those million dollar useless nicknacks and still pay her electric bill plus her full staff’s weekly salary, knows this bitch is stupid because she can not even afford to furnish the house she has been squatting at, and now she is carrying around a million dollar sucker because that’s EXACTLY what she is. I have a million dollar magic jelly bean I like to sell her, got it from the gumball machine for 25cents and she can suck on it all day. Maybe when the courts convict her and her man of fraud they can use this little piece of footage as evidence of their wild spending of other people’s money. PENDEJA!

Meanwhile, at the Planet Hollywood Lisa, Pandora, Chankla Face and a gang of twenty-something-year old girls that are friends of Pandora pile up in a limo and are up to no good Lisa doesn’t want Ken to know that. Lisa gets a “Mother Of The Bride” plastic tiara, Pandora gets a “Bride” tiara and Chankla Face gets an “Asshole” tiara.

Yep, because nobody gives a shit it’s Chankla’s birthday.

Poor Lisa and Pandora are stuck with an over excited-for-no-reason,  screaming Chankla Face while they watch the Chipmunk full Monty Show. I was traumatized from our recent brush with the fugly El RiDick-Culo and thought he was going to jump out of a box and start smacking bitches with his peen. But thank God that didn’t happen. However, the way Chankla was screaming all horrified and punching on Lisa every time one of the men shook his ass for those quarters you would of thought she was reacting to El RiDick-Culo’s Donkey Dong Dance. Lisa gets all pissed off at stupid Chankla and finally yells “HAVEN’T YOU EVER SEEN A NAKED MAN??!!” STUPID ASS!

After that, the Chipmunk Cock-Sock guys invite the ladies onstage to participate in a contest to see who can lap-dance and grind her ass the best on the male dancer’s crotch.  Lisa, Pandora and Chankla Face are the participants. Poor Pandora can’t go full dirty grind on this dude because her mama is there chaperoning her ass. But Lisa can go full on skank on the male stripper and the guy was enjoying that shit. Then, it’s Chankla Face’s turn I feel sorry for that guy because you can tell he was thinking NOOOO NOOOO NOOOOO!!! When bag of bones and lips Chankla does her lame-ass, sad attempt at lap-dancing on the poor bastard that gets stuck with her, he couldn’t wait to push her off him; which he does and she falls with her bony ass on ther ground which shatters into a million pieces. Lisa and her 72 year old hot ass win the contest (she does have a hot ass for an old broad!)

Kyle and her mother-in-law Estella are shopping at some store in the Hillbillie’s. When suddenly a belligerent Kim shows up, who’s been up for the past three weeks and is coming down from a meth-binge and is fighting with the imaginary spiders that followed her here. Kim says she doesn’t want to talk to Estella because Estella is going to know Kim has been hiiiiiiggggghhhhh!!!!

Estella leaves because it’s not like she wants to stay, get into an argument with Kim, and have her brand new face fall off because of the stress, Estella is old enough to know this skank it’s not worth it.

Kim starts going into a good old fashioned, public strung-out freak-out with tears and everything  and spills the beans about the difficult relationship she holds with Quasimoto Ken who Kim’s children hate and is accused of being  a controlling weirdo and an asshole and Kyle agrees with that, but is just going to give Kim more rope to hang herself with this time.