
LuAnn plans a party for her one year anniversary to Mr. Peppi Lapoopie and her music producer who I am sure glued those sunglasses to his face by now, has a surprise for LuAnn a surprise that WASN’T planned or scripted or arranged by Bravo into this trainwreckage of delusion. No of course not. And so the surprise of the year comes out and is none other than singer Natalie Cole. Really? Natalie sings her own version of “Money Can’t Buy You Ass”.
I don’t want to say anything bad about this lady but is she like broke from her previous drug problems? Is that why she is here?
At Ramona’s house Silex is visiting, Mario and Avery are also there and the conversation they are having is about Ramona having more children and wondering if her medicare supplement plan will cover her pregnancy because as told by Avery Ramona still gets her periods at her age. Ramona is sad because she wishes she could of had another kid since Avery is soon to leave for college and she needs another child she can leave to fend for himself past 9:30 with no dinner.
Mario laughs because he says that instead of a sibling they can just get Avery a dog OR IF Ramona really wants to have another baby Mario can also drop off one of the illegitimate kids (because I know they’re out there) he has with one of his girlfriends so that Ramona can babysit while Mario and his mistress go out on a Friday nigth date and I’m sure all Ramona would need is a TV to park the baby in front of and some Pinot Del Wino so her ass can sit there and drink until she passes out drunk while the baby watches cartoons, it would be just like she had another kid minus the pregnancy because isn’t she like 60?
Mario is disappointed because he was hoping that by now Avery and Ramona would of both forgotten about getting Avery a sibling she can bully around. Avery seems very involved in this decision of having another baby. WHY? Did she get knocked up during her sweet sixteen and Ramona is just going to cover it up by pretending she had the baby meanwhile Avery goes away to another school far away? Because that makes more sense and I know Ramonzon ain’t preggo and even if she could get pregnant can her body even handle that abuse? And I mean the abuse she would go through when she sees spiders crawling on the walls by not being able to walk around with a daily IV full of Pinot Del Borracho for the whole nine months?
Mario jumps out of the window because he doesn’t want to deal with this situation and runs.
While they are all having dinner Alex’s phone rings and SURPRISE IT’S THE COUNTLESS!! LuAnn calls up Alex to invite her and her wife Simone to her and Peppi Lapoopie’s one year anniversary. Everyone laughs and wonders if LuAss will get to keep her Countess title if she marries Peppi or if she will have to give it up and just become simple Mrs. La Poopie and work in his rented winery stomping grapes.
Alex apologizes to the crew for taking that call, but points out she walked away from the dinner table so don’t anybody smack her. Gonzo tells her she has better manners than other bitches she had over and she is glad she doesn’t have to shove a toilet blackberry up her bung-hole.
Alex does a photo shoot for a magazine that she is NOT “cool enough for”. And while she is there getting her dry yellow hair did and the meth potholes and sores covered up with makeup on her Tales from the Crypt sunken skin, Simone is hanging around wanting Alex to hurry up because he is running behind schedule and he has to meet a man about a horse in an alley. I didn’t know alley crack dealers have schedules, but okay then. Alex is not even ready yet. Alex yells at his ass to “cool his jets, cause mama’s makin’ money!”. Yeah, that hooch and crack cost money!
Simon then goes onto a bragging spewage about how awesome “cool” Alex made the US Weekly’s worst dressed of 2010 along with Lady Gaga. Simon must be disappointed that his Rainbow Britte Rinestone wearing crazy ass didn’t make that list along with his pleader spandex.
Because these attention whoring bitches like to always display their dirty laundry (trailer park style) in front of everybody and their mama, Sonja arranges for Cindy to meet her at some flower shop to make amends over the toaster oven breakfast that Cindy shit on with her conference call. Of course Gonzo shows up wearing all kinds of fur and her hair looks like a bird nest as always this time I think I saw birds flying out of that crazy bitche’s hair.
Cindy says she doesn’t understand what this delusional, split-personality twat’s obsession is, with trying to make amends with her again and AGAIN, when it will all end up in a bitch slapping fest anyways, but fuck it. Cindy needs to go somewhere and think about what she’s going to wear the next day. And that is exactly what she does too when DeluSonja sits there rambling about how “the Churchills” would NOT dare do that insulting shit to Mrs. Morgan of taking a conference call at her table, which is of course followed by a trail of spewage over how Gonzo is a business woman and all the rich-folk she used to shoot the shit with and blah, blah, blah, Churchills blah, Vanderbilts blah, Rockefellers, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Meanwhile Cindy’s eyes just glaze over as she continues thinking about what the fuck she is going to wear the next day and as DeluSonja rambles on and on and on she sounds more and more like the teacher from Charlie Brown, MUAH, BUAH, MUAH, BUAH, BUAH, BUAH BUAH. Bitch was laughing too when Gonzo was going on and on.
Although Sonja-Gonzo had a good reason to be pissed at Horse Teeth, Sonja’s argument was weak and she sounded like a delusional old woman who squats in a decrepit house while she lives in her faded glory memories, when she was a socialite. Wait a minute what the fuck am I saying? She sounded like?! I just described her delusional ass to a T! She better find another potato truck to ride and fall off from fast.
Their little meeting ends up the same way Cindy expected it to, and the bitches end up bitch slapping each other over who is meaner to their servants. Horse Teeth walks out leaving a pissed off Gonzo who is left talking to herself about all the royalty she used to hang out with whom ya’ all know damn well all those rich people don’t even speak to her anymore, now that she is considered poor by their standards and a joke for being on this show I’m sure.
And now another bitch who is too delusional to know what the hell is going on we have Ramonzon visiting with Gonzo who has the Pinot Hooch ready and to Gonzo’s surprised Ramona declines the precious Pinot and announces that she may be preggers. PREGGERS??!! Screams Gonzo in horror, BUT HOW? Aren’t you like 60? Ramona says it’s possible because she still gets her periods and right now she is late. DeluSonja says she believes Ramona about this bullshit since she was also told to have a “very young uterus” and Ramona may have that shit as well since she downs Pinot Hoochilio like it’s water so I guess being an alcoholic keeps you young. According to these ho’s fucked up back ass-wards advice.
It’s time for LuAss’s party, which is taking place on a fishing boat that’s going to circle around the Statute Of Liberty which was brought to America by LuAnn’s former husband’s family as stated by Ramonzon. All the bitches arrive. Kelly says she hopes they don’t make her stupid ass walk the plank because she can’t swim. Silex is also there and Alex says that she is not there for LuAss’s she is there for the food and booze and hoping to score some fishing boat-meth from a doc-ho’.

LuAnn sees her children at this shindig, whom she hasn’t seen all week or maybe all month (like Ramoniac said) and tells her kids she misses them. Then, she sneaks off and tells her son Noel to escort singer Natalie Cole down the stairs to do her duet.
Kelly gets disgusted when she sees Alex and Simon mean tweeting about these ho’s. But they’re not mean tweeting they are texting each other talking mad dog shit about these skanks.
Ramonzon who is late for her period is also late for this party and Jill notices this, so she decides to get her spoon and and stir that shit-pot by telling LuAnn to confront Ramona over being late, but LuAnn surprisingly ignores Jill’s demands for a bitch slapping on Ramona and walks away, this leaves Jill jonesing for drama so she decides to harass and follow Gonzo and Ramoners who have now locked themselves up in the bathroom. Jill wonders why those skanks have locked themselves in the toilet and says that she hasn’t seen that kind of behavior since Studio 54 when her ass used to snort coke in the bathroom during her lunch breaks when she worked there as a cleaning lady. Damn that bitch was around back then?
While Sonja and Ramona are locked up in the bathroom Ramona can’t pee because she’s been refusing her Pinot Moonshiner and this is the only liquid that Ramona can pee with not water her body is no longer able to drink and process any other liquids that are not white wine.
Jill keeps complaining about what a couple of low life skanks these 2 bitches are who are not classy like Jill who likes to press her ear to the door to see if those skanks are making out or snorting coca. Finally, Jill gets impatient and starts pounding on the door LET ME IN BITCHES! LET ME IN! I GOTTA SHIT IT’S COMING OUT!! LET ME IN!!! This doesn’t work of course it just makes Ramona not be able to pee on that stick even more. I wonder if she also couldn’t pee because the cameras where in the bathroom with them?
Ramona ends up not peeing on the stick, but pees overboard instead, Gonzo is disappointed Ramona is not preggers with a menopause baby and able to ruin LuAnn’s party by making it about Ramona.
Jill says that Ramona is a delusional skank because she is mistaken pregnancy for her ‘knock knock menopause is at the door” life change. Very true!
Mario looks nervous throughout this entire episode because he doesn’t want to be a papa for the seventh, eight or nine time. If he doesn’t want to be a papa again he better wrap that shit up when he is banging Gonzo (did ya’ all see how he checked out her fat ass when she was walking?) but right now he is more concerned about working on getting Ramonzon drunk enough to finally agree to the threesome he wants with Ramonzon and Gonzo, (sounds like a whole lot of crusty old ass there!). Why do you think he keeps texting Sonja letting her know what Ramona is wearing before she leaves the house so that Sonja and Ramona can match? I guess he is into some weird twin fetish bullshit too.
Finally it is time for the big surprise. Noel escorts Miss Natalie Cole down the staircase to sing the duet with LuAnn who ruins the song with her man voice, there was dogs in Brooklyn howlering because they confused LuAsse’s singing with a mating call.
The camera focuses on Simon who is giving LuAss the looks of death. Did ya all notice how he looked all pissed off like he was jealous that the Countless got to sing duet with a legend? Or was it just me? Anyway, he gave me the creepers when he did that shit and I know damn well later on that night when he got home he was sticking pins in a wax doll wearing a wig made with LuAnn’s pubic hair. EEEEWWWW!!!
And the Bravo little blurbs come on we read that:
Jill’s daughter Ally quit her school and Jill is still an asshole. (I heard she left the school because she thought she was a celebrity and no one likes her, plus she got her stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning. Pobrecita nina she used to be so nice too!)
LuAnn is happy being a drunk weekend mom. She is also still an asshole.
Ramona accepted she is pregnant with Ramonapause and the only babies she should look forward to are the grand-babies Avery is going to give birth to when she has kids .
Kelly wants a boyfriend she doesn’t have to beat the demonic-shit out of him.
Cindy still has horse dentures.
Alex uses the word “caca” instead of “class”.
Simon still wants to be a housewife.
And Sonja says she is optimistic about her toothless ass “shaking a can on the street” for spare-change and hopes to make millions this way.
And that’s the end of this season, until next season Bitches!