New Jersey House Skanks have always followed the tradition of Caroline and ho-stars against one bitch, and since Joker Face made her exit the one bitch that got singled out and chosen to be the Pinata of the show was Teresa Giudice and this coming up season will be no different. Teresa’s ho-stars have gone so far in their hatred against her that now the bitches refuse to be seeing, photograph or do any type of promotion with this bitch.

From Huffington Post:

“It is so ugly between Teresa and the rest of the cast that they can’t even be in the same room with each other,”

“But this isn’t one-sided, and the hate goes both ways. Caroline Manzo, Kathy Wakile, Jacqueline Laurita and Melissa Gorga want nothing to do with Teresa, and she wants nothing to do with them.”

The Melissa insider, reveals that this season will be the most dramatic and that the other bitches may not want to return for another round. Also season four started filming while season five was still playing.

“This season is the most dramatic yet,” one cast member tells me. “It got so ugly that I’m not sure any of us will want to return for another season if Teresa remains on the show. The betrayal and backstabbing is heartbreaking. I have not seen how it will be all edited together yet, but let’s just say everyone will get to see [Teresa’s] true colors.”

 Caroline Manzo put her fity-cent in and says Tree got a serious case of Attention Whore Personality Disorder (since Caroline is nothing like that!) Snot meet the bugger. Caroline told Life & Style:

 ”Fame is like a drug,”  “If you don’t have your feet planted solidly on the ground, it can really take you for a trip.”

Some random person that owns a store also put her opinion in about Tree’s wild ways:

“Teresa has an unhealthy need to be the best,”

Also Tree’s cousin Kathy Walkile says that she tried to reason with Tree by handling her with “kid gloves” and more blowouts went down when Teresa told her brother that his wife Melissa would leave him for a bigger wallet:

 But Melissa found herself under attack after Teresa told her brother (Melissa’s husband, Joe) that Melissa would leave him for a richer man. “It hurt so bad,” Melissa tells Life & Style. “There’s just no reason to ever say something like that.”

But, Teresa insists is all those other bitches who are in the wrong and feels pissed that her friends kicked her to the curb to kiss ass on her family:

“In a perfect world, I’d be closer with my family,” Teresa tells Life & Style. “Or, at the very least, my friends would help me repair those relationships rather than attempt to cause additional problems between us.”

These ho’s are coming back  this  Sunday April 22 with new shenanigans.

The Real House Bitches Of The New Jerseys will be coming back in April with it’s fourth season. Last season introduced us to Teresa’s sister in law Melissa Gorga and cousin Kathy Wakile. This set the foundation for Teresa to go from the Bitch of the show on season 3, to the full Asshole that everyone hates on the show on the coming season 4 because suddenly all of them including Caroline hate her because they are all a bunch of assholes, Teresa also.

There will be appearances by  ex-house wife Dina Manzo who is no longer speaking to her sister but, is still friends with Tree she even sides with her. Melissa Gorga will question her husband’s sexuality and will also be confronted by her ex-boss where Mel supposedly worked as a stripper. Kathy and husband will have to deal with routine teenage problems. The Manzo boys will try to buy a luxury skank-magnet, they will also shit on Laurence’s self-esteem and her future chunky children with Vito. And of course there will lots of Teresa yelling and going apeshit on the other bitches the other ho’s will also go on bitch slap mode on Tree. That one coked out drunk-bitch Kim D will be there also, calling Joe Gorga a ‘midget.’ Barney Devito tells Tree to ‘shut up,’ and there’s one scene where the men are talking and Barney agrees Teresa hates all the other bitches. Also it looks like Tree and Mel will finally duke it out outside, in front of Melissa’s house the way bitches do it at the trailer park every Saturday night. NICE!

While Teresa gets her family ready for the Gorga/Giudice family portrait she tells her husband Barney Devito she believes the family feud is coming to an end, but Barney Devito doesn’t believe that, which is why he doesn’t stop Milania from beating the crap out of the baby Audriana since in a few years they will both be bitch slapping each other and throwing tables at family weddings, gatherings and their future children Christenings  so why not allow them to train on their furniture throwing and weave pulling skills while they are young. This way they can continue the Gorga/Giudice family tradition of keeping petty scores and fighting over bullshit, they been doing it since before they all joined this TV show wreckage wasn’t the old people fighting too Kathy’s mom and Tree’s dad? Or some shit like that? So there you go. It’s a family tradition they just don’t know it yet.

Next we have a boring segment of Ashley getting a pep-talk from uncle Jaime who is the gen-X version of the black sheep of the Manzo clan. It appears he passed the back sheep torch to Ashley a few years back and now he is in town to talk to Ashley about how to remain being a successful black sheep of the family and make your own money because California condos and “swallow’ tattoos cost money unless you are willing to swallow in exchange.

The Godmother gives some generic advice on her radio show to callers that are getting laughed at by her lovely children the Manzo kids. Ooh, the fun bonding activities they share!

At the Wikipedia’s young Miss Victoria is going to some kind of school prom and being properly courted by a well-dressed frightened young man who is being warned by old man Wikipedia that he will suffer from cracked nuts if young Miss Victoria comes back de-virginized. Later when it’s time to go young Miss Victoria comes down the steps with her pretty dress and Papa Ritchie thinks she forgot to put her jeans underneath.

Its family portrait day and grandpa Gorga stumbles in to the house, bitching and complaining that he can’t see shit because he just came back from the doctors who put eye-drops in his eyes just in case another fun night of table flipping and yelling (like the Christening from hell) occurs this way he doesn’t have to see it. Psycho midget Joey wants to drink with grandpa Gorga, but this makes little Gia nervous because she knows once the adults start drinking the punches start flying and she’s seen this one too many times in her young life so she tries to stop them, to no avail.

Later grandpa Gorga farts during the family photo-shoot and the photographer tells him to stop farting. But it’s too late the green toxic fart cloud is already hanging over the family picture that already got taken it represents the Gorga/Giudice feud and the fart that bonds them together.

And now the gossip/recipe cookbook Fabulicious. At Caroline’s Lauren has a surprise surprise for Caroline. (She wasn’t surprised she seen this earlier) and it’s a copy of Teresa’s latest cookbook. Lauren tells her mother Caroline what asshole Tree wrote about her in the cookbook calling her “Italian as the Olive Garden” ragging on the way Caroline prepares her fried meatballs and saying Caroline is only 1/16th Italian. So Caroline acts like she is pissed (she is still pissed from earlier when she originally read the book, but now the cameras are here so she gets worked up again) and Gregg yells “AWWW HELL NOOO!!!”

As Lauren continues to read the list of insults that Teresa printed in her cookbook mama Manzo gets more and more pissed-off specially when she is reminded that Teresa insulted her baby Christopher for wanting to open up a stripper/car-wash and Teresa says she wouldn’t want her daughters working there. That’s true I guess she wouldn’t want Gia to be the main attraction over at Bada Bing’s Car Wash Boobs and Lube, while poor Milania has to work as security. Not fair why can’t they both be the main attraction? Just kidding they are good girls, they are going to be pimping those bitches instead not being one of them , which is much better.

Caroline then says that her friend-shit with Teresa is over. The other Manzo children start  howling  a war-bark at the moon, and Lauren finishes it with “Hang around shit long enough you start to stink.”

At Kathy’s her husband Ritchie throws away the book when they also discovered Teresa called him an annoying asshole and at Melissa’s she complains to her older sister that Tree called her a copycat and she says she will hide this book from Psycho Joey and since his punk ass don’t know how to read he is not going to find out what Tree wrote about Mel. That is until the episode airs and he sees for himself.

Jacqueline shows up at Tree’s to confront her about the book, but chickens out later when she notices that Gia is on her mama’s side when it comes to Tio Joe and how “Melissa controls him.”

The episode continues with the ending of the Teresa and Kathy fight in Punta Cana. Barney Devito grabs a net and puts it around his wife’s neck to haul her away because he knows damn well she is a “hot-headed” asshole and likes to start all kinds of shit over nothing. After that, Barney Devito  has a talk with Ritchie while they both primp themselves in the bathroom and Barney Devito  being the enlightened man that he is, tells Ritchie that he is not defending Teresa because women are “are fucking retarded” anyway. Yeah, just wait until ALL his daughters are grown and still living in the house with him and Tree and he says that comment while ALL of them are on their periods at the same time (including Teresa unless she is on menopause) I can just see Milania when she gets promoted from brat to bitch, SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU OLD TROLL GIVE ME PIZZA  I’M ON MY PERIOD!!

Jacqueline and Chris decide to walk off to talk shit about what a wackadoo Teresa is. Chris gets tired and decides to suddenly jump on Jacqueline’s back for a piggy back ride back to the hotel while kicking her on the sides and grabbing her boobs yelling “YAH!! YAH!!”

While this is going on the Rat Pack, Albie, Christopher and Gregg decide they are going to spy on Barney Devito and Teresa doing it while they are both in the bathroom. EEEWWWW!!!  Instead, they end up outside the bathroom window where Teresa is now changing into a mood changing “Wonder Woman, crazy bitch” I’M IGNORING KATHY outfit created by NASA. While the Three Stooges are trying to fish out gossip (for the gossip magazines later,) Barney Devito walks in on them and instead of busting them he thinks they are spying on Tree ”pooping” and he doesn’t care. As a matter of fact he opens the window for them so they can get a whiff too!

That night they all go out to get drunk and into a fist-punching, kick stomping bar brawl, surprisingly with other people NOT with each other. Except Bravo never airs the bar brawl only the earlier part of the evening when the Giudice/Gorga’s were a lovey-dovey-family. Teresa and her brother hug and kiss, Barney Devito and Melissa hug and kiss. Barney and Psycho Midget Joey hug and kiss then, they play swords with each other, to see who is the shortest troll with the smallest itty bitty penis and it’s a tie. It’s all one big dysfunctional happy family-orgy full of hugs kisses and farts. To be honest with you I would rather see this interaction than when they’re drunken bitch slapping each other and of course we all know this didn’t last.

The next day Melissa and Psycho Joe Gorga release some “poison” in the bathroom and the Manzo boys, but specially Man-Servant-Sexy-Gregg feel lucky to walk in on it since Psycho Midget Joey had his little ”Tarzan” “On Display.”

The girls including Miss Gregg all decide to follow Teresa’s lead and go to the market in Punta Cana. They all get dressed up and decked out in their tackiest high heels from head to toe. These bitches think they are all going to the upscale Gucci and  Louis Vuitton stores  they are all accustomed to. So, when they show up cameras in-tow in all their pampered Princess tacky glory at the open air market the locals where confused  and excited. They didn’t know if these bitches where upscale hookers from the USA taking over their little dirty humble, parasite, farm animal carcass infested open air third world market. But they were close. VERY CLOSE! I bet this was the most exciting thing that happened in their little village since that one time that Pedro farted nasty at the public sinks at the plaza. They are going to be talking about this for years to come.

Those bitches walking around on those run down streets as if they where freaking out in a bloody massacre horror film in their five hundred dollar “Gucci’s” on drippy blood were NOT the only things that were  ”on display” at that open air market. The carcasses of dead cows and chicken heads were, but it appears their fake titties where upstaging the other things at that meat market. Did y’all see those scary looking locals drooling on those ho’s? Then, Teresa decides to grab a dead chicken and goes on chasing the other bitches with it. Teresa also decides to fan her cooch and ask the confused spice vendor if he ever read her book since she is a famous author and TV Star extraordinaire and even if this humble village doesn’t have any Internet access (except for the local drug lord) Teresa feels that is NO excuse for this quiet humble vendor who doesn’t even understand what the fuck she is saying, to NOT know who she is.

Teresa says the reason she is out in the local market is because she is doing research on writing her third cook book where she will be doing a “fusion” of Italian and Italian food. Except this time instead of using tomatoes, cheese, dough, meat and spices for the base “ingrediencess” she will be using dough, tomatoes, meat and cheese instead. So it’s totally different see.

While the Puta Princesses are out flapping their goods “On Display” for the local village the men go golfing. And when I say golfing they went and treated the golf course like the batting cages. The Godfather is the only one that knows how to golf (since he has to make all those crooked deals with city officials an’ all) and he is appalled and embarrassed he took these ass-mooning, drunken, savage, clowns with him.

That night Barney Devito was surprisingly going horn-dog on Teresa. Maybe it turns him on when she freaks out and goes “crazy bitch” on the other ho’s.

The Manzo boys decide that everything has been too peaceful between the ho’s and want to see a cat-fight so for the final dinner at Punta Cana they decide to have a contest to see who the Puta Cana Princess is. Immediately Teresa starts taking this nonsense serious like her life depends on it and gets this worried look in her face because she is afraid to lose this life or death contest.

They each win some lame ass category. Melissa gets asked who the VP of the United States and the bitch didn’t know his name!

IS THIS DUDE!

Then someone showed her this picture and she suddenly remembered it was Biden. When Melissa gets one more question about world geography she gets another point for naming Antarctica as the continent where Egypt resides because apparently none of these dip-shits know Egypt is in Africa none of them know, not even ex-college drop out Albie, oh wait maybe that’s why he got flunked out of school.

On the very last day of their trip Teresa’s lost bag of faux-jewerlies arrives after it went on its own traveling adventure from Florida to Las Vegas to Hawaii and then back to the Dominican Republic. When Teresa gets her bags she jumps up and down from joy and Greg rolls up his eyes.

Everyone goes back to the United States, after almost half of them got detained for the bar brawl and that was Albie, Barney Devito and Greg.

Melissa is now back in New Jersey and is nervous about her big performance at the Black Water thingy. When she walks in to meet with her professional back up dancers you can tell she is nervous and since she “doesn’t know how to dance worth shit” like Ritchie said in an earlier episode she can’t keep up with the dance steps. This is the reason the strip club place had to make her a bartender instead. Psycho Midget Joe also was trying to rent some live tigers to distract people in case Melissa’s performances flops because what better way to be distracted than to be worried there are two live tigers that can go on a feeding bloody frenzy at any minute in a room packed with about 600 people and one exit.

Then, when she does her singing rehearsal she sounds like a banshee having sex with a werewolf so they auto-tune her real nice and somehow a scientist comes up with a formula that makes her shoes give her rhythm to follow the dance steps. Awesomely she pulls the performance off and turns on all the mens even Barney Devito who congratulates her by giving her a long dry humping hug. Everyone loves each other even Teresa and Kathy get along, Teresa goes as far as apologizing to Kathy for being a crazy asshole. They are all one big happy dysfunctional issue-infested family! For now.

Teresa says she’s going to leave the past behind her fat ass and forget about that whole bankruptcy ordeal and get back to having “good food, good sex, and family and friends,” in other words blowing money from the hard work she puts in pimping out her cookbooks and prostituting shit interviews to gossip magazines, but NOT paying her debtors with that money.

Now we know the story behind the cover of Teresa’s cook book. That cover where Gia was gazing lovingly at her mother was shot in the middle of a small war where Gia won the evil eye war she had with Gabriela.

Kathy and Richie, but specially Richie are in denial that their daughter is growing up and Richie flips out when Kathy tells him that it’s about time to have the “talk” about the birds and the bees with sixteen year old Victoria. Richie says something fucking disturbing that I wish he didn’t say about Victoria not having sex because she will imagine her dad’s face on any boy she is making out with. EEEWWWWW!!!! WHY WHY DID HE SAY THAT!!!

Well, let me tell you something Mr. and Mrs. Wikipedia it is about six years too late and 325 thousand dollars short to have the talk with young Miss Victoria, but luckily for you her uncle the Internet already taught her aaaallll about the birds and the bees and the Playboy Bunnies and then some. That’s why Miss Victoria already knows what sexy gown that’s five years too mature for her to wear so she can rock her curves to the boys with “bad intentions,” to pick. Which by the way mom, Victoria was already aware of their “bad intentions” and she doesn’t feel that’s a bad thing, just in case you didn’t know. But don’t worry she will be back by curfew intact and in time to study and tell you what y’all want to hear. I think Victoria could teach Ashley some lessons on how to get away with everything by following the rules or at least pretending to.

And speaking of dumb asses that need lessons in the art of getting away with fun shit we get to see Ashley who happens to be visiting Christopher at his new supposed job at some bar. Along with Ashley is Jacqueline, and her step dad Chris Sr. Ashley tries to get Christopher fired by begging for free drinks. Do these dumb asses forget there’s cameras following? Christopher tells Ashley to fuck off. And right before Ashley throws a Milania fit her bio dad and step-mom show up. SURPRISE!!

Melissa whines to her evil sisters about Teresa clowning on her for being a wannabe singer,in her mid-thirties, who is using this shit-show as a catapult to famewhoredom. Melissa says that she was the better person because she didn’t punch Teresa in the face. But that had nothing to do with her being afraid that Tree may go planet of the apeshit crazy on her skinny little ass and Psyho Joe wasn’t there to monkey punch Tree into place.

Melissa’s sisters tell Melissa that while driving on the freeway they drove over a magical  ”median” of some sort, who told them he had a message from Melissa’s father from the beyond about how Melissa will become BIG BIG!! And famous for being a famewhore on a shit TV show where she fights with her sister-in-law and brags about how much bling she has.

Caroline is emptying out her closet because she doesn’t fit in her clothes anymore Lauren tells her mom how she tried every diet under the sun except for the smocking crack diet, but that’s next.

Ashley sits around playing on her phone while her mom Jacqueline rushes around making dinner. When Jacqueline asks her to babysit Ashley says she has to go party and get hammered with her friends shit to do.

Melissa is showing off her brand new dungeon music studio that Joey build for her.  Psycho Joe says he will be pimping Melissa out to make the money back he paid for this basement prison he build her. Then, Melissa jumps in the singing booth and pretends to be singing, but the producers from Soul Diggaz notice her pretend singing sounds like a baby goat getting rimmed in the butt and tell her to step it up. Psycho Joe tells her to pretend the microphone is him, and that’s when she really fucks up. Seriously maybe if he would of said the microphone was some chicks chichi she would of gotten turned on and sing sexy, but since she had to pretend it was Joe’s hairy cannoli that ruined the whole fantasy and her song.

After dueling hours, of Mel singing about people wanting her to fall because she is so “big” according to the “median” plus a shitload  of auto tune, the song is finally done.  You can tell the Soul Diggaz  had this look in their face like they were getting impatient and having buyers regret with Melissa, but who knows maybe they decided to  go ahead and help her with this album because they owed Psycho Joey some favors.

Later on Lauren, The Godmother and the Manzo boys including their gay pet Greg all head to the gym because Lauren says she feels bloated and wants to lose some weight. While at the gym Caroline complains and complains because there is no doughnuts on a string for her to chase and complete her workout. Lauren then decides to sexually harass Greg and while they are all on the ground doing sit ups she yells “I CAN SEE YOUR PIPI!”.  Shameless attention-whore Greg doesn’t even move from the spot where Lauren has a perfect view of his cahones, but complains like a little bitch instead. Lauren is totally enjoying the pipi view and  sexually harassing Greg who only spreads his legs more. While complaining.

Next the Assho-ley intervention. Which was more like a public national TV Ashley embarrassment on top of the embarrasement that she causes herself everyday by being on TV airing her dirty chones.Ashley’s mom Jacqueline, step dad Chris and her bio dad Matt plus his wife Jodi all decide to take this girl to a restaurant cameras in tow and publicly embarrass her about what a punk ass she is who doesn’t want to do shit with her life.  The whole thing was a fucking nightmare they even managed to ruin dinner (or maybe not after all, it was a free show) for the people who were sitting right behind them, look at the dude’s face that’s sitting behind them he is all in horrified shock.

The final nail on that coffin was when Jacqueline sat there telling Ashley what a punk she is and Ashley said that she is at least a punk with no kids and pretty much tells Jacqueline that she was more of a loser at Ashley’s age than Ashley. Then, she proceeds to tell Jacqueline to close her damn legs because if she did she wouldn’t have two more kids to care for who happen to not be Ass-holey’s babysitting problem because she didn’t lay down to make those babies. Jodi’s jaw drops and Jacqueline runs to the restaurants basement to cry and do her poor me song.  Chris then reminds Ashley she is an ungrateful asshole and  how her mom gave up her million dollar beautician career to care for Ass-holey. Yeah, because publicly embarrassing this girl with the circus of cameras in tow and reminding her that she ruined her mothers life is really going to smooth things out with Ashley and make her fly right. Poor Jacqueline she gave up her career and after moving to Jersey I’m sure that there was NO WAY she could of started her own hair salon with her hubbies money and run her shop because that was all sabotaged by Ashley. I know the girl is an ungrateful asshole but, give me a fucking break! Maybe she is the way she is because of the shit her dipshit parents have been telling her all along.

It’s Christmas time in New Joysey and Teresa and her family are all decorating a twenty foot tall Christmas tree with all kinds of huge gold tacky balls. Teresa says that because of their bankruptcy they are cutting back  this year and  they are not having a tree made out of money like last year.

And decorating the Christmas tree in Teresa’s house means talking shit about everyone in your family that you don’t like while the bigger kids watch the little ones and smack them if needed the way they see mom and dad do every day. NICE!

Meanwhile Melissa and Psycho Joe are working on their very own bankruptcy (to keep up with the Giudice’s) by blowing 50k on ‘Jesus’s birthday’ by having all kinds of expensive decorations and extravagant parties plus paying extra for the sexy ”well spoken good looking models”  to serve at the party (where no one speaks English properly) and staying away from the “rolly-polly’s”  fugly fat motherfuckers they could of hired and saved a buck on. But don’t worry this is all to collect presents for children with Cancer or some scam like that according to Psycho Joe.  I wonder if he’s going to wear a glitter dress again?

While Melissa is fussing with the Christmas tree and almost having  a tree land on her head and splitting it in half, Psycho Joe is sitting there eating chips and talking shit about Barney Devito and wondering how Barney  is going to behave when he comes over to this party. Is he going to fling feces out of his chones and start pounding on the table calling Teresa ‘gaw-bage’ like last time that resulted in the entire meltdown of crazy that followed?

Uuuhh-oooh, wait that was Psycho Joe that did that shit. However, in Psycho Joe’s little monkey brain he remembers it different; and still insist it was all Barney Devito and Teresa who came in tearing up their shirts and pounding on their chest all dramatic like Hulk Hogan. Yep.

Teresa complains to her husband Barney Devito about all the trash the paps print about them being broke assess with a possible foreclosure and Barney’s various run-ins with the law and  DUI’s. But, just seconds after she complains or her new found fucked up fame, her Attention Whore Personality disorder seizure hits her and she brags that she knows how Brad and Angelina feel every day. She is right though, except Brad and Angelina have fame and money not fame and bankruptcy.

Melissa’s older annoying sister Lyssa, (the bigger asshole one of the two) claims that Barney Devito’s mom, mama Giudice punched her in the face (God bless her!) at the “Christening gonne wrong”.  It’s about time! Somebody had to punch that bitch. But why didn’t Bravo catch that excitement? I would of love to see Mama Giudice in action! Those Italian grandma’s don’t fuck around.

At Jacqueline’s house is Assho-ley’s birthday and Jacqueline gives her a special Rosary blessed by her psychic to ward off and drive evil away. And right away Ashley’s face turns orange and her head starts spinning when she holds the Rosary and Jacqueline telling her (like a genius that one!) that her birthday gift was supposed to be a surprise visit from her birth-dad who flaked on her at the last minute for the umpteenth time doesn’t help. It causes  Ashley to throw the Rosary back at her mom while flames are coming out of her mouth because she wants her absent birth dad who hangs up on her, and not fake dad Chris who is there every day putting up with her psycho-whinny shit for how many years now? And buying her all the expensive crap she needs like  clothes, food, housing, cell phones, brand new Jeeps, etc. Let’s all play a violin for Assho-ley and her unnecessary whining over imaginary problems.

But her problems continue. Pobrecita. Ashley’s mother forces her to go to dinner with the family she has here and Ashley tries to call her birth dad who hangs up on her annoying ass.

Lauren and her brother’s already arrived at the restaurant where Ashley is being forced to make a dinner appearance. Lauren says she doesn’t want to sit next to whinny little brat Ashley(oooh, these girls are going to make great future House Skanks!) who got “the same thing she fucked up last time!” for her birthday, or she may pull a Mama Giudice and get tempted to punch Ashley in the face also. Please sit next to her!

Assho-ley arrives late and proceeds to text during the whole dinner while ignoring everyone around her, even after Jacqueline tells her to quit it and get up to give a speech. Ass-holey says thank you to everyone for coming and not choking her with her own hair, even though she is an asshole. Everyone doesn’t care about Ashley’s speech since they were not showing up for her, they were showing up because there was free food. She also tries to tell her friends that she wishes her step dad Chris and her, were closer because ‘money can’t buy you a relationship’ (is she also going to make a song Ala- Countless LuAss?). Somehow when Ass-holey says that I just see her wearing a clown suit and I can’t take her serious.

Kathy is also decorating her house with Christmas junk and spewing more of her BS about how she wants everyone to get along for Christmas. Her husband Rich is outside trying to knock the power out of the entire block, (maybe the whole neighborhood) by hanging more lights than their house can handle, he even has  paid professional Christmas light decorators and everything.

Caroline and big Al visit the jewelry store to get a bracelet that has stones representing her children and they forgot to ad Lauren. BASTARDS! Anyways that was boring, moving on.

Melissa gets ready for her big Melissa Jesus Birthday Bash by taking off her chones because she doesn’t need underwear for this type of party according to her fuglier sister Brunhilda. Psycho Joe wants to make sure his evening sparkly hooker gown arrived from the cleaners, just in time for his big drag queen musical for the party and of course for the children with Cancer who can certainly benefit from Psycho Joe running around in a dress.  Melissa tells Psycho Joe that if she catches him waging his ass at the gay party planner she will cut off his little we-wee.

After Teresa gets her hair did by her replacement ‘hair gay’ because that bitch Melissa done stole and kidnapped Teresa’s ‘hair girl’, Teresa drags Barney Devito out of the house and his ass is holding on to everything his tubby little hands can grab on to, in order to avoid  getting in the car. He even grabs a hold of a punching bag and proceeds to demonstrate to Teresa what’s going to happen if any one says shit to them as he does his famous Bruce Lee round house move and kicks the bag. I was impressed he can get his little short leg to go up that high. Very impressed!

At Melissa’s party, which  is now in full swing, there are Carolers, sexy looking servers, running around (not fugly Rolly Polly ones!), huge plates of food, a bar in the “li-berry”,  a full- on casino (because you know Jesus likes to get his gamble on!) with drop dead Gorga money, drag queens, a huge sculpture of Psycho Joe sticking his little peen in Melissa ala- doggy style, Guatemalan Leprechauns spitting fire and all kinds of extravagant expensive shit. And all for the children with Cancer who will get some 99 cent store toys out of all this or was it for Jesus’s Birthday? Who cares there’s booze.

Melissa and her fugly sisters pose on the step and repeat, and while this is going on, Kathy is there dressed like a bondage slut. Little Psycho Joe gets all kinds of boner-excited by this, so he starts whistling and cat-calling Kathy saying she looks like a ‘hot slut’. Her husband Rich gets horrified by this and tells Psycho Joe he will kick his fucking ass and throw him over the ice sculpture. Psycho Joe  laughs at him and tells him to chill, after all, this is the kind of kinky shit they do in this part of the New Joysey Backwoods and Richard shouldn’t be jealous. How da-ya’ alls think Kathy and Psycho Joe plus Teresa learned to have sex?  They had to learn to play the Banjo at home with each other. YEEEHAAAWWW!!!! Play the Banjo Joe! What’s up with all this inbred shit? It’s fucking disturbing.

Caroline, Jacqueline, Lauren the Manzo brothers, Greg all  arrive and are confused. And for a minute think they may be at Teresa’s house. But quickly realize they are at Melissa’s house, who is just now coming down the stairs (with no underwear) and the microphone in her hand, to give some speech about how much she is hiding her whale tail or some shit. Thank God she didn’t start singing.

Albie also gets his own kind of confused when he sees the gambling and thinks he is at the Bellagio. Pobrecito! He shouldn’t drop acid anymore.

Teresa is getting food when Kathy comes up to her to say hello and “nice to see you,” remember when you me and Psycho Joe had that Banjo Trio jam session and the next day we were all not virgins anymore? But Teresa isn’t too happy and snaps at Kathy (this is after she told Barney Devito to walk away from drama ok) and says “Now, it’s nice to see me!”. Kathy gets all pissed and runs over to her butch sister (she was at the Banjo Trio also) to cry about what a “fucking bitch!” Teresa is. Then, she runs to the bathroom to lock herself in there with her husband Richard who advices her to get back out there and  “fucking rip her a new asshole right now!” meanwhile he is going to get some matches because ” if you want I’m going to burn this whole fucking place down”. Yeah, he is a real level headed guy.

Because these people can’t have a party without starting some kind of shit drama. Melissa’s brother-in-law (the other Joe) stumbles up to Barney Devito and demands the money he owes him for fixing his AC and drunken slurs at Barney Devito WHERE’S MY MONEY BITCH! (this is Lyssas’s husband, the same drunken doofus from the Christening that said Barney Devito owed him money) Barney Devito is appalled that some drunken fool is accusing him of owing him money, but surprisingly walks away. Meanwhile Teresa is complaining to Melissa that this drunken asshole is harassing Barney Devito for money. Like a miracle of Jesus’s Birthday Melissa walks up to her bro-in-law and tells him to cut the shit even his wife tells him to quit his drunken crap and leave Barney Devito alone who will talk to him later about this thousand dollars situation in the middle of the woods somewhere.

I have a feeling that after Lyssa scolded her drunken husband she was high five-ing his ass because they are auditioning to be on this low brow show so that they can embarrass themselves some more,  with the hopes to make their storyline about Barney Devito owing the other Joe this money and dragging this throughout the season. How exciting!

The best part of this clusterfuck of crazy was when Kim Granny Panties shows up with a surprise party crasher in-tow Monica Chacon.This is the bitch that just days before this party takes place, got the verbal bitch slap from Teresa when the bitch went off on her with the wrath of King Kong right there at the courtroom in front of God and everybody. Monica Chacon was married to Teresa’s husband’s, partner’s lawyer. Yeah, I was lost there too.

Kim Grany-Tell walks in with her usual air of arrogance and her I do what I want evil grin. Her and her unwelcome guest decide to rub it in by toasting to “People learning to control themselves.” Yeah because you know damn well those two bitches KNOW Teresa is unable to control her cave-woman instinct from taking over and will more than likely chase Monica Chacon with her pounding club while yelling PROSTITUTION WHOAARRRAAA!!! And those bitches are hoping and praying to get Teresa lured into their trap and pounce on Monica Chacon while Monica and and Kim Granny-Tell stand there acting like they didn’t do anything and Monica looks like the victim. Is this Monica bitch hoping Bravo would pick her ass up also? If she is a lawyer wouldn’t she know better than to show up at a party to antagonize a ghetto bitch with a hair trigger that she is already fighting with? Isn’t that against “ethnics” like Teresa’s dumbs ass would say? WTF? Really?

You know, sometimes watching this show scares me because I start wondering about humanity. I mean really? I thought people that were lawyers would know better than that, and conduct themselves a certain way by avoiding possible altercations with hood rats, but this bitch showing up at a party where she KNOWS she is not welcome because a possible brawl can occur as the result of her presence, plus befriending Kim G seems really unprofessional,  stupid and very hood-ratty of her. Like she just wants to start the shit some dumb-ass teenager punk would start for shits and giggles by getting some bitch with a hair trigger all riled up and people are supposed to go to  her with their legal problems? I hope if I ever need a lawyer I hope I do not get someone like this Chacon bitch with her twisted leanings. I mean really? What would this bitche’s legal advice be if I was trying to put a restraining order on someone and they were at a party that I was NOT invited nor welcome to would she legally advice me  to go to the party and  ”fucking rip her a new asshole right now!”.

When Teresa finds out that Monica Chacon has arrived with Kim G she freaks out, and warns Melissa and her brother Psycho Joe that they better throw that bitch out on her ass because if they don’t Teresa will go apeshit on her, and they don’t want that.

Since Melissa has worked so hard on this Melissa’s Jesus’s Birthday Bash that she even paid extra to keep fugly people out and her chones off so she doesn’t end up pissing off Jesus because his party got ruined, her and Psycho Joe actually do the right thing and state that they draw the line at people talking smack about Teresa’s money problems because since they are family they can fight with Teresa and have all kind’s of ongoing brawls, (that’s what Christening’s are for) but outsider people can’t (I guess they are all thick as thieves like that) and surprisingly Melissa takes Teresa’s side and asks Kim G, calmly to get the fuck out and take Monica Chacon with her. But since this is Kim Granny-Tell they are talking to, instead of shutting her trap, taking Monica with her, and getting the fuck out with no arguments, she instead stands there and starts haggling as if she was at the swap meet buying underwear because this is how this bitch rolls.

Melissa and Joe tell her punk ass again and again to leave and take that bitch with her, bitch starts getting louder, yelling and arguing then, she stands there and says with her evil grin that Monica is ”not afraid of Teresa”. Like a miracle of Christmas their response to Kim G was, Bitch I don’t give a shit it’s not about her not being afraid of Teresa, GET THE FUCK OUT  AND TAKE THAT BITCH WITH YOU! The bitch wouldn’t listen but Psycho Joe and Melissa stuck to their guns. What part of GET OUT and take THAT BITCH with you don’t you understand? What is your major malfunction do I have to punch you in the tumor hole in your head? WTF?!!

Monica steps in the conversation and tries to get sympathy from Joe and Melissa by saying  that Teresa has made her life hell for three years and that’s why she is here starting this shit because she is the bigger educated lawyer and classy like that. WHAT?  Surprisingly none of this stupid spewage fazes the Gorgas and again they tell her SO WHAT BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT!! OUT!!

Did it cross this hag’s mind that she looked like a stupid asshole standing there next to loony ass Kim G begging these people if she could  stay to antagonize cave-woman? If that woman was my lawyer I would fire her ass like yesterday for stupid shit like that.

Jacqueline and Caroline are standing around and Jacqueline tells Kim G to cut her shit. Finally Melissa has to drag Monica out and the bitch leaves. Like I said it was a fucking miracle they stuck up for Teresa and Barney Devito and threw that bitch out. I guess there’s hope for this family of neanderthals to kiss and make up, but now that they made up the shit has to keep going by having another bitch to fight with so I think Bravo should just stick Kim G in this circus already she seems to love this bullshit like heroin to a junkie.

In the next episode it looks like Monica left and Kim Granny-Tell stayed (what a fucked up bitch she didn’t even leave with her unwelcome guest) I guess Kim Granny-Tell had to stay to keep the shit storm going and gets yelled at by Caroline who puts her in her place and the Manzo boys end up kicking her out when she gets up on their momma’s face. What a fucking mess wasn’t Chris like best friends with that bitche’s son? Now because of her raging Attention Whore Personality Disorder it looks like she is going to ruin her son’s friendship with Chris. What an asshole!

Richard Wakile who is married to Kathy (Teresa’s cousin) called some store named Something Sophisticated so that him and his son can score some free shit because they think that they are important celebrities now for being on that crap show, (Real House Skanks Of El Culo Del Diablo).

Shit turned ugly when Richard and his son Joseph only got two tee-shirts each out of the deal, but it was mentioned AFTER Richard and his son had LEFT the store. An email was send by Richard’s PR bitch telling them to shove the tee shirts up their ass because ‘your hinny’ The Wakiles deserved to go in the store and ransack through merchandise getting whatever they want because of their(rolling eyes) high celebrity status.

Here is the original article from Radaronline:

Celebrities get a lot of free stuff, but what about when it’s just not enough?

RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned that the newest cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey are throwing their weight around to get free swag, and burning bridges along the way.

Richard Wakile, who is married to Kathy, the cousin of Teresa Giudice, and his son Joseph reached out to a store called Something Sophisticated [Link [Link]] in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey to do a photo shoot in exchange for free shirts.

However, things turned unpleasant when the store owner only gifted them two free shirts each. The Wakiles’ personal assistant hit the roof and emailed the store owners on behalf of their clients — claiming it was in “bad taste and disrespectful not only to give both Richard and Joseph a limit of two items that they could take from your shop but also not allowed them to take clothes other than [your] in house brand.”

Ed Bergan and Bijan Zamaniantold RadarOnline.com that they were stunned when their generosity was thrown back in their face.

“They reached out to us, checked out our store, thought it would be mutually beneficial, so they called us, we set up the time, we hired a photographer, bought champagne and food. As far as we were concerned it went great,” Ed said about the July 14 shoot.

Celebrity photographer [Link [Link]]Tom Murrofirst alerted RadarOnline.com to the story.

“We did the shoot at 11 and got the email about 6:30 Friday night. It wasn’t until afterwards that we heard that they weren’t appreciative at all,” Bijan said.

In the email, Leslie, the personal assistant to Mr. and Mrs. Wakile, slammed Bergan and Zamanian writing: “Two shirts at a price point of a total for maybe $100 in exchange for all that associated your shop with both Richard and Joseph is not at all being thankful nor grateful for whom they are.”

Bijan said other cast members, like Chris and Albie Manzo wear shirts from the store and they’ve never had a problem with them.

“Distractions like this don’t help us become successful. We try to put our best foot forward and we tried to be extra generous and overcompensate,” Bijan told RadarOnline.com. “We work with other people from the show who all do our photo shoots. The Manzos have been supporters from day one. They are great guys. I don’t want the show to get a bad rap.”

WOW! I knew he was a shit stirrer and a he-gossiper but I dind’t think he was also an ungrateful bastard!

Thanks to Robin for the heads up on this story.