The Real Housewives Of New York will be back in June with more Ramoniac Drunken Pinot crazy antics and with some new bitches that will be fighting with resident drunken pinot as well as the other skanks. Countless LuAnn De Lesseps, Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan will be back to make asses of themselves some more and will be welcoming new cast members that will be getting hazed into the gang of crazy. The new bitches are Aviva Drescher, Carole Radziwill and Heather Thomson.

Aviva reveals that she was forced to make friends with these skanks she burly knew and how her and Ramona started out friends and ended up bitch smacking each other.

This season will bring us more raunchy behavior from resident skank Sonja Gonzo Morgan who loves to show off he cottage cheese ass. This time she goes swimming topless with a glass of champagne in her hand (wow booze and night swimming the perfect combination) and tries to drown Ramona. Later on the two ho’s are shouting at each other. Gonzo will also shove her own head in the sink that French people use to wash their assholes because her dumb ass thinks it’s a sink. LuAnn will point out to Gonzo that she is sticking her head in a Bidet.

Ramona and LuAnn get into all kinds of fights it gets so toxic, that LuAnn even accuses Ramona of blackmail  and of pulling  “tricks”  out of her “pinot-filled ass.”

Also the shenanigans don’t stop there. Looks like new ho on the show, Aviva brings her father to meet these skanks and her nasty ass Viejito dad hits on Carole and promises he can give her an orgasm.  Also LuAnn wants to have a baby with new boyfriend Jacques (since she needs more kids like she needs a hole in her head) and LuAnn will also accuse Ramonzon of blackmail. Looks it’s going to be fun.

Lady Morgan, who has cooked for royalty and the “Churchill’s” on her toaster oven, must be scrapping for money to support that lifestyle that she can no longer afford and so now she has started some sort of catering business called “Sonja In The City” coming soon.

From Miami Herald:

Can’t blame her, bitch needs her money how is she supposed to afford those gigolos interns, that hang around her house cleaning in their man-panties?

 Recent scary pictures surfaced of Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan who decided to run the streets of Miami amuck and scare innocent bystanders, by wearing skimpy bikinis (that should only be worn if you’re under 40 or not gross) over their dried up, beef jerky, saggy, senior-citizen asses.

 Warning : The following pictures are BRUTAL and may cause your eyes to bleed:

I can see Mario is still drooling over Sonia’s mummified old corpse.

Sometimes you just have to admit that your pruney-ass needs to be covered in a mumu or a circus tent.

New bitches new ho’ downs, the drama never ends. Even though Jill “Jillaousy” Zarin, “Co Co Puffs” Kelly Bensimoron, Cindy “Bore Me” Barshop and Alex “Frankenstein Shoes” Mccord were all axed because supposedly the situation got toxic and now a new blend of toxic got introduced to the old blend of toxic waste, that is the New York Skanks it appears these bitches are all at each other’s throats already with a whole new set of cat-fights and bitch slappery fiascoes.  Ramona is the “asshole pariah” of this season and LuAnn de Lesseps plus Sonja Morgan are pushing for the empty spot of Queen Bee that Jill Zarin left behind.

 Although, the show is supposed to be “totally different than last season.” The  NY. Daily News reported the women have already divided into teams and Ramona is now fighting with her bestie Sonja (she must of found out Mario banged her.)

From NY Daily News:

After all the rumors went back and forth about which house skanks of New York got the boot to the ass we finally got the answer. Alex Mccord took to her Twitter and admitted Bravo fired her as well as Cindy The Bore Barshop. I bet Bravo fired Alex because maybe they got tired of Simon begging them to make him a housewife with his own introduction clip before the show, who knows. Cindy was booring that bitch didn’t do anything for anybody, not only did she have fugly ass huge horse teeth, but she was fucking RUUUUDE and all she ever did was sit there with her huge mouth wide open and call attention to her teeth, while she looked shocked and flies flew in and out of her mouth and she swatted at them with her tail. Plus damn she was hard to look at!

Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin were also let-go by the network. I guess Bravo decided to cut their loses because it was way cheaper to cut Jill lose than to deal with her constant Jill the Diva hurricane behavior  for the sake of ratings. I bet the producers the cameramen the peons and all the people that had to put up with that bitch while filming this show are probably having a celebration fiesta with a pinata that looks like Jill.

The best decision they made was to let go of that beast Kelly Bensimoron. They should of fired that bitche’s mentally unstable ass since Scary Island, when that bitch had a level 10 mental meltdown because she more than likely was coming down from meth and pregnant Bethenny was dealing with that beast and because of her, Bethenny had to sleep with a security guard outside her door until Bravo send the crazy bitch in a padded wagon back home!  Their decision to cut her had to do with Kelly being more of a liability than an asset.

Here are Alex’s tweets:

After Jilliousy chewed Ramonzon’s head off for bringing up the Countless’  “weekend parenting” we are back for more bitch slapping and all that good shit. LuAnn is fuming because she says that Ramonzon talks to every Tom, Dick, Harry and belligerent homeless wino in New York city about LuMan’s parenting skills (or lack there off). Ramona says she didn’t say shit about that bitch and LuMan hisses at Gonzo for not sticking up for the Countless when Ramonzon was running her fat mouth. Gonzo tries to say she stuck up for LuMan, but wasn’t caught on film.

Andy asks Ramona why she is trying to blame Avery for turning down LuMan’s music video and why she is trying to say Avery is embarrassed of Ramona being on a tranni music video when the bitch served alcohol at Avery’s sweet sixteen and tried to highjack her party by turning it into Ramona’s drunken Cincuentanera bash 2010. Yep, that shit exist that’s what one of my readers told me. Go ahed and google it.

LuMan brings up the embarrassing massage Ramona gave her “husband’s hairy chest” on TV and questions how can Avery NOT be embarrassed by that, but is embarrassed of her mother appearing in LuMan’s desperation mid-life crises video. Jill decides to demonstrate the dramatics by grabbing Kelly’s Behemoth’s gorilla size feet and proceeds to massage them while making X-rated moaning sounds. I don’t understand why Ramonzon doesn’t just admit she didn’t want to do the video with the Countless because she can’t stand that beast. Andy asks Ramonzon if Avery was embarrassed by the massage she gave Mario on TV and Ramonzon says she was a “little” embarrassed. Yeah just like we are supposed to believe it was all Avery that forbid Ramona from appearing in the video, we are also expected to believe that she was just a “little” embarrassed by the massage. LuMan brings up a good point and asks Ramonzon how it is that she refused to do the music video because it was slutty, yet she invites sixteen year old Avery to join the burlesque underwear shopping and invites her to the dirty bird Sonja show?  After stuttering and pulling out a lame ass answer out of her ass, Ramona says it’s because it was a “private party”. So? That’s like saying because she invited her daughter to an orgy since it was a “private orgy” it’s ok. Right? EEEWWWWUUUOOKAYY THEN?!!

Miss Andy asks LuMan why she went into super confrontational asshole mode this season and why is she up Jill’s ass and defending Jill. Alex yells it’s because LuMan has  enough “dirt” on LuMan to fill a “landfill”. Jill calls Alex a bitch, but spells it out because small children may be watching?  What? OK!? What about all the shit these bitches were saying earlier?

Then, we see a diarrhea trail of clips with Jilliousy saying she is a “changed woman” and staying out of drama followed by scenes with Jill running her fat mouth about everybody’s business, and talking about EVERYBODY! From who is how old and where Cindy’s babies’ daddy is, to calling Alex a ‘fucking bitch’ for socializing above her level and pretty much just trying to insert herself into the drama like a fucking tapeworm crawling up a fat persons ass. Jill then gives a lame ass explanation about how she is blatantly “honest” and doesn’t give a crap what anybody thinks because she is not trying to do it to be mean she is doing it because she is repeating whatever Ramona has been saying all these years I AM WHAT I AM LIKE IT OR NOT I’M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN TOOT TOOT!! Ramona can’t believe this bitch has now crossed over to using Ramoner’s excuses for acting like a complete asshole to people’s faces for stupid reasons. Ramona was sitting there mumbling, bitch find your own excuses! I think the only thing that changed with Jilliousy this season is that she has learned to be a bigger irritating asshole who found other ways to use more useless excuses to be a complete bitch, so yeah she’s changed, for the worst! Jill tries to say that the grudge she has with Ramona is deeper and longer than the Bethenny grudge and she doesn’t think she can forgive Ramona. WTFUCK? Bitch you don’t make sense! Ramonzon is right when someone is doing better and has more money than Jill she gets “Jilliousy” and goes into full-fledged hurricane level bitch mode.

Gonzo confronts Jilliousy about the shit she talked about Gonzo when she did her disturbing dirty bird burlesque performance. And Jill tries to deny it and says that Gonzo was attacking all of them by calling them “bitches”. Gonzo then admits it by calling them “bitches” again. HA HA HA!!!  Jill says that she was just kidding and being cute when she made fun of Gonzo’s horrific performance! That’s just like saying she went up to Sonja’s plate of toaster oven weiner-dinner and farted on it, but since she was being funny it’s all good and forgiven.

Then Jill starts bitching at Alex for wearing white to the wedding and what a bitch she is for socializing at a party that’s below her social climbing lying ass, plus all the shit she talks about the Hamptons. Alex says she only used to go to the Hampton’s to get acting jobs. Kelly busts up laughing and the brunettes asks Alex what movies she was on? After stuttering and making some shit up, duh I was the duuuh, tree in that one movie eerrr… She gets laughed at some more. Andy asks Jill if she ever admits when she is wrong and surprisingly Jill apologizes to Alex for calling her a bitch, just to clean the slate so she can insult her minutes later with brand new crispy insults.

Alex screams at the brunettes and points at all of them yelling “IF I WAS TRYING TO SOCIALICE ABOVE MY LEVEL I WOULD STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL A LIABILITY!” Bigfoot Kelly again, bust up laughing this time she asks Alex “ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?” Yeah, she is bitch and you both share the same dealer remember?

Next, more Ramonzon and her addiction to Pinot Del Borracho we get to see clips of “junkie” Ramona demanding Pinot and almost going into “heroin addict” level seizures if no Pinot available. FUCKING WINO!

Ramonzon then accuses Jill of being an alcoholic that had to attend AA meetings and Jill loses her shit denying it and saying she went to AA to support a friend. Who Jill Zarin? Was that the friends name?

Gonzo and Alex stick up for Ramonzon and say she is not an alcoholic since the bitch only drinks one case of vino not three like Jill accuses her of; making Ramona only a drunkaholic which is better! SEE!

Jilliousy jumps on Ramonzon for the comment she made about Jilliousy’s step daughter being “deformed” and Ramonzon tries to defend it saying that means “blemish”. Then, Andy pressures her crazy ass to apologize to Jill’s daughter and surprisingly she does and she spews out a nice apology, but right after that pause to apologize to the innocent the war continues.

Ramona keeps getting stomped on for being a “functioning alcoholic” like Kelly calls her and Ramona finally admits to being a fucking drunk and says she is very happy with her addiction because she has a lot of energy and is a successful business owner eighteen years married and blah, blah, blah. I think all these bitches  need to be thrown together in a paper bag and go to Asshole-holic Anonymous.

Alex bitches at the Countless for calling her ass “Herman Munster shoes” and for correcting  everyone about having “Class” like a matronly prison guard and the other bitches are all six year old inmates. LuAss doesn’t give a shit and just sits there laughing at Alex like she is a dumb ass.

Kelly takes credit for the  ”Herman Munster shoes” and berates Alex for making poor fashion choices.

REALLY?! REALLY BITCH?? SO YOU’RE THE FASHION POLICE NOW??  I guess she made herself in charge of telling the other bitch how to dress when the only place her and Alex (also!) should be modeling those getups Kelly wears with no pants and the S&M crack-whore dress Alex had on at the party is at the runway (isles) of People Of Walmart.

Look at these bitches they both forgot to wear pants that day!

Here’s Kelly wearing her new running out in traffic outfit when she goes out to score some alley meth.

We also found out that Alex gave her nasty ass dress to LuAss and she donated it to some shelter cause or another and now a homeless bum is wearing it while searching for spare cans in the trash.

LuMan admits  and slips out that when her ass marries Peppi LaPoopie she will be giving up the Countess title. Peppi LaPoopie is probably  swimming  back all the way to France in fear by now. LuMan also says she is butt hurt the blonde bitches refused to be on her music video, but she should be happy because at least Kelly Behemoth sharted throughout the video leaving her Bigfoot asshole aroma to decorate it.

Next they all talk shit about Simon and what an asshole he is for mean tweeting. The bitches asks Alex if she is aware of Simon’s tweets and she says she sees like only 90% of his tweets, but not the other 10% where he tweets Miss Andy at midnight and tells him what a purty mouth he ass and how he would like to strech it! EEEWWW!!! OLD DRAG QUEENS!

And now let’s talk about the Morocco trip and why Ramonzon, LuMan and the rest of these Housewives are permanently 86th from Morocco and are not allowed to travel there anymore. EVER! That camel that tried to kill LuMan already told the other camels to watch out for these hags and if they come back they’re getting camel stomped and not just LuMan this time. That camel knew exactly what it was doing! LuMan gets all defensive about playing matronly prison guard and making everyone miserable with her dictator actions at the Morocco vacation. See that’s why the camel wanted to throw her off it’s back and pee on her and I wish it would of.

Ramonzon gets asked why she got these bitches 86th from Morocco with her rude comments and she proceeds to double insult that country by saying some crazy statistics about how it is a crappy third world dusty bowl. LuMan laughs her ass off about that insult since she is not over there right now where they would chop her penis off for laughing at shit like that.

Miss Andy asks Gonzo if she is racist for not trusting people with her luggage in another country and she gives him some lame answer, Miss Andy brings up how Gonzo doesn’t seem well-traveled because she acts ignorant like she hasn’t gotten out of the woods much. Sonja tries to defend that by saying that even when she visited the “Royal Palace” she was paranoid they were going to steal her luggage. This bitch doesn’t quit does she?!

Dumb ass Alex gets asked why she is such a nerd and got her ass beat in Morocco for no reason other than trying to fight Ramonzon’s battles to desperately kiss her ass while Ramona ran around with her real best friend Gonzo laughing her ass off  and getting blitz. Alex sits there like a doofus acting like she jumped in that mosh pit of snakes for her own pleasure. Sure bitch, sure whatever you say. Alex then calls LuMan a “thug in a cocktail dress” and offers her a T-shirt. LuAss laughs at her for selling T-shirts at the swap-meet like a loser, but Alex doesn’t care because she is going to make 120 million from those T-shirts. Jilliousy goes into a yelling tirade at Alex and yells at her repeatedly “I don’t care about you!”.

They also show the clip where Kelly was fucking  with Alex’s head when she told her to close her eyes. HA HA HA HA!!! I can’t believe she let that bitch stick her dick in her ear and mindfuck her sideways like that!  HA HA HA HA!!!! See Alex you can’t go up against beast like these on your own, you needed Bethenny there if Beth was theres that shit would of never happened because she made Kelly feel intimidated and stupid and it would of being Beth and Alex fucking with Kelly. And because Kelly only knows like two large words and she has to repeat them constantly to establish her credibility that she is an intelligent human and not a shaved ape like we all thought, she starts calling Alex “inauthentic” again, and again plus a “bad actress” because I guess in her pea brain she thinks that they are all on a scripted TV show. Then they all lose their shit into a full-blowned bitching tirade again like a bunch of “chicken heads” like Cindy calls them.

Miss Andy asks Ramona about Mario’s infidelities and reads an email that questions the fortune teller and Mario’s suspicious OH SHIT! reactions when Ramoner told him the whole fortune-teller prediction . Ramona sits there denying that shit and says she doesn’t believe what the fortune-teller told her, she says that Mario is a good guy and he is faithful to her even the time he porked that hoochie over the  pool table. Alex jumps in and says Simon also joined taking turns in the pool table gang-bang  and he totally wasn’t at the gay bar (later that night) because he is a “straight man”. HA HA HA HA!!!

Then Andy reads another viewer email about Alex’s droopy ass floppy “brawles” boobs and ask if she ever wears a “brawer”.  Alex points out that she is wearing one now.

Andy asks Cindy if her ass even knows her children’s name and she screams I HAVE A NANNY THAT SLEEPS WITH ME! Ok I didn’t see that one coming!

Andy then asks LuAnn if the Count knows her new boyfriend  Jacques Azoulay is Jewish? Does he know Jill is Jewish? Because LuAnn gets in bed with that bitch too. Cindy was confused about the comment, bitch didn’t watch last season.

We also find out that LuMan and her man go to the same barber shop to get their head done.

Andy saves the best question of the night for last  “How do you feel that Bethenny is worth 10 times more than all of you combined?”  LuMan tries to say some stupid bullshit about how Bethenny is still catching up to their money. Bitch she left your old ass in the dust, by like 40 million dollars looong ago! Jilliousy spews out all pissed off a obvious jealous comment that she doesn’t count Bethenny’s money. Finally none of them can take the jealousy anymore and all the bitches explode into a massive splatter of excrement. Poor Miss Andy will never be the same!

Ya habibi Bitches!

Tweet

It’s all fun and games until shit gets real. And it looks like it’s getting real ridiculous right now with the Real House Bitches of New York who apparently are at each others throat for REAL now.

These ho’s may have to be replaced according to insiders who are saying there is too much drama going on, “Things have gotten so bad that producers are worried that this cast can no longer film together,”.  And the drama has really turned ugly now because these bitches won’t let anything go,“All the ladies have long memories and will not let the smallest thing go. The level of hatred at the moment is so high that it’s toxic and all consuming. It doesn’t make for good TV drama. Now it’s just petty and sad.”

Jill Zarin is especially pissed off and feels that she is getting ganged up on by the IHJZ blog. According to the insider the other housewives have met with the owner of the site and support the blog. This especially infuriates Jill, “This is nothing short of cyber-bullying, when your address is put out online and readers are encouraged to send condolence cards,” according to a friend of Jill, “This sort of behavior should be rejected by all the cast members, no matter how hot disagreements get on the show. It has stopped being a TV fight and is now a real life battle that is unacceptable.”

Ramona Singer openly admits she supports the site, “Its a goof, spoof, you can’t take it seriously,” She also says she don’t let the shit posted online get to her . “If I took all the negative things that were written about me — you need to have a sense a humor!” she says she likes the site,  “I think [the hate site] is right-on and perceptive,”

Ramona says she admits she supports the site and is NOT distancing herself from it despite it’s name. Bethenny Frankel also admits she supports the IHJZ site and follows it on Twitter. The source adds, “Of the eleven people Bethenny follows on twitter, yes just eleven, the founder of the site is one,” and “Bethenny doesn’t support or follow anyone from Bravo, not even Andy Cohen, who cast her and made her rich and famous, yet she does follow a person who spills hate.”

Is it possible that there is too much drama going on and it’s becoming disturbing but how?

Also according to HollywoodLife.com Cindy Barshop and Alex Mccord will not be returning next season. If the rumor it’s true then that means that Bravo already started cleaning house and taking out the “gaw-bage”. In the same post it states that the Real Housewives Of Miami Lice has been renewed for a second season and Miss Andy is looking for new cities to cast despite statements he made earlier that he would not be looking for new House-ho’s to pimp out.

Sources

Huffingtonpost and HollywoodLife

Thanks to all my readers for the heads up on this gossip!

LuAnn plans a party for her one year anniversary to Mr. Peppi Lapoopie and her music producer who I am sure glued those sunglasses to his face by now, has a surprise for LuAnn a surprise that WASN’T planned or scripted or arranged by Bravo into this trainwreckage of delusion. No of course not. And so the surprise of the year comes out and is none other than singer Natalie Cole. Really? Natalie sings her own version of “Money Can’t Buy You Ass”.

I don’t want to say anything bad about this lady but is she like broke from her previous drug problems? Is that why she is here?

At Ramona’s house Silex is visiting, Mario and Avery are also there and the conversation they are having  is about Ramona having more children and wondering if her medicare supplement plan will cover her pregnancy because as told by Avery Ramona still gets her periods at her age. Ramona is sad because she wishes she could of had another kid since Avery is soon to leave for college and she needs another child she can leave to fend for himself past 9:30 with no dinner.

Mario laughs because he says that instead of a sibling they can just get Avery a dog OR IF Ramona really wants to have another baby Mario can also drop off one of the illegitimate kids (because I know they’re out there) he has with one of his girlfriends so that Ramona can babysit while Mario and his mistress go out on a Friday nigth date and I’m sure all Ramona would need is a TV to park the baby in front of and some Pinot Del Wino so her ass can sit there and drink until she passes out drunk while the baby watches cartoons, it would be just like she had another kid minus the pregnancy because isn’t she like 60?

Mario is disappointed because he was hoping that by now Avery and Ramona would of  both forgotten about getting Avery a sibling she can bully around. Avery seems very involved in this decision of having another baby. WHY? Did she get knocked up during her sweet sixteen and Ramona is just going to cover it up by pretending she had the baby meanwhile Avery goes away to another school far away?  Because that makes more sense and I know Ramonzon ain’t preggo and even if she could get pregnant can her body even handle that abuse?  And I mean the abuse she would go through when she sees spiders crawling on the walls  by not being able to walk around with a daily IV full of Pinot Del Borracho for the whole nine months?

Mario jumps out of the window because he doesn’t want to deal with this situation and runs.

While they are all having dinner Alex’s phone rings and SURPRISE IT’S THE COUNTLESS!! LuAnn calls up Alex to invite her and her wife Simone to her and Peppi Lapoopie’s one year anniversary. Everyone laughs and wonders if LuAss will get to keep her Countess title if she marries Peppi  or if she will have to give it up and just become simple Mrs. La Poopie and work in his rented winery stomping grapes.

Alex apologizes to the crew for taking that call, but points out she walked away from the dinner table so don’t anybody smack her. Gonzo tells her she has better manners than other bitches she had over and she is glad she doesn’t have to shove a toilet blackberry up her bung-hole.

Alex does a photo shoot for a magazine that she is NOT “cool enough for”. And while she is there getting her  dry yellow hair did and  the meth potholes and sores covered up with makeup on her Tales from the Crypt sunken skin,  Simone is hanging around wanting Alex to hurry up because he is running behind schedule and he has to meet a man about a horse in an alley.  I didn’t know alley crack dealers have schedules, but okay then. Alex is not even ready yet.  Alex yells at his ass to “cool his jets, cause mama’s makin’ money!”. Yeah, that hooch and crack cost money!

Simon then goes onto a  bragging spewage about how awesome “cool” Alex made the US Weekly’s worst dressed of 2010 along with Lady Gaga. Simon must be disappointed that his Rainbow Britte Rinestone wearing crazy ass didn’t make that list along with his pleader spandex.

Because these attention whoring bitches like to always display their dirty laundry (trailer park style) in front of everybody and their mama, Sonja arranges for Cindy to meet her at some flower shop to make amends over the toaster oven breakfast that Cindy shit on with her conference call. Of course Gonzo shows up wearing all kinds of fur and her hair looks like a bird nest as always this time I think I saw birds flying out of that crazy bitche’s hair.

Cindy says she doesn’t understand what this delusional, split-personality twat’s obsession is, with trying to make amends with her again and AGAIN, when it will all end up in a bitch slapping fest anyways, but fuck it. Cindy needs to go somewhere and think about what she’s going to wear the next day. And that is exactly what she does too when DeluSonja sits there rambling about how “the Churchills” would NOT dare do that insulting shit to Mrs. Morgan of taking a conference call at her table, which is of course followed by a trail of spewage over how Gonzo is a business woman and all the rich-folk she used to shoot the shit with and blah, blah, blah, Churchills blah, Vanderbilts blah, Rockefellers, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Meanwhile Cindy’s eyes just glaze over as she continues thinking about what the fuck she is going to wear the next day and as DeluSonja rambles on and on and on she sounds more and more like the teacher from Charlie Brown, MUAH, BUAH, MUAH, BUAH, BUAH, BUAH BUAH. Bitch was laughing too when Gonzo was going on and on.

Although Sonja-Gonzo had a good reason to be pissed at Horse Teeth, Sonja’s  argument  was weak and she sounded like  a delusional old woman who squats in a decrepit house while she lives in her faded glory memories, when she was a socialite. Wait a minute what the fuck am I saying?  She sounded like?!  I just described her delusional ass to a T! She better find another potato truck to ride and fall off from fast.

Their little meeting ends up the same way Cindy expected it to, and the bitches end up bitch slapping each other over who is meaner to their servants. Horse Teeth walks out leaving a pissed off Gonzo  who is left talking to herself about all the royalty she used to hang out with whom ya’ all know damn well all those rich people don’t even speak to her anymore, now that she is considered poor by their standards and a joke for being on this show I’m sure.

And now another bitch who is too delusional to know what the hell is going on we have Ramonzon visiting with Gonzo who has the Pinot Hooch ready and to Gonzo’s surprised Ramona declines the precious Pinot and announces that she may be preggers. PREGGERS??!! Screams Gonzo in horror, BUT HOW? Aren’t you like 60? Ramona says it’s possible because she still gets her periods and right now she is late. DeluSonja says she believes Ramona about this bullshit since she was also told to have a “very young uterus” and Ramona may have that shit as well since she downs Pinot Hoochilio like it’s water so I guess being an alcoholic keeps you young. According to these ho’s fucked up back ass-wards advice.

It’s time for LuAss’s party, which is taking place on a fishing boat that’s going to circle around the Statute Of Liberty which was brought to America by LuAnn’s former husband’s family as stated by Ramonzon. All the bitches arrive. Kelly says she hopes they don’t make her stupid ass walk the plank because she can’t swim.  Silex is also there and Alex says that she is not there for LuAss’s she is there for the food and booze and hoping to score some fishing boat-meth from a doc-ho’.

LuAnn sees her children at this shindig, whom she hasn’t seen all week or maybe all month (like Ramoniac said) and tells her kids she misses them. Then, she sneaks off and tells her son Noel to escort singer Natalie Cole down the stairs to do her duet.

Kelly gets disgusted when she sees Alex and Simon mean tweeting about these ho’s. But they’re not mean tweeting they are texting each other talking mad dog shit about these skanks.

Ramonzon who is late for her period is also late for this party and Jill notices this, so she decides to get her spoon and  and stir that shit-pot by telling LuAnn to confront Ramona over being late, but LuAnn surprisingly ignores Jill’s demands for a bitch slapping on Ramona and walks away, this leaves Jill jonesing for drama so she decides to harass and follow Gonzo and Ramoners who have now locked themselves up in the bathroom. Jill wonders why those skanks have locked themselves in the toilet and says that she hasn’t seen that kind of behavior since Studio 54 when her ass used to snort coke in the bathroom during her lunch breaks when she worked there as a cleaning lady. Damn that bitch was around back then?

While Sonja and Ramona are locked up in the bathroom Ramona can’t pee because she’s been refusing her Pinot Moonshiner and this is the only liquid that Ramona can pee with not water her body is no longer able to drink  and process any other liquids that are not white wine.

Jill keeps complaining about what a couple of low life skanks these 2 bitches are who are not classy like Jill who likes to press her ear to the door to see if those skanks are making out or snorting coca.  Finally, Jill gets impatient and starts pounding on the door LET ME IN BITCHES! LET ME IN! I GOTTA SHIT IT’S COMING OUT!! LET ME IN!!! This doesn’t work of course it just makes Ramona not be able to pee on that stick even more. I wonder if she also couldn’t pee because the cameras where in the bathroom with them?

Ramona ends up not peeing on the stick, but pees overboard instead, Gonzo is disappointed Ramona is not preggers with a menopause baby and able to ruin LuAnn’s party by making it about Ramona.

Jill says that Ramona is a delusional skank because she is mistaken pregnancy for her ‘knock knock menopause is at the door”  life change. Very true!

Mario looks nervous throughout this entire episode because he doesn’t want to be a papa for the seventh, eight or nine time.  If he doesn’t want to be a papa again he better wrap that shit up when he is banging Gonzo (did ya’ all see how he checked out her fat ass when she was walking?) but right now he is more concerned about working on getting Ramonzon drunk enough to finally agree to the threesome he wants with Ramonzon and Gonzo, (sounds like a whole lot of crusty old ass there!). Why do you think he keeps texting Sonja letting her know what Ramona is wearing before she leaves the house so that Sonja and Ramona can match? I guess he is into some weird twin fetish bullshit too.

Finally it is time for the big surprise. Noel escorts Miss Natalie Cole down the staircase to sing the duet with LuAnn who ruins the song with her man voice, there was dogs in Brooklyn howlering because they confused LuAsse’s singing with a mating call.

The camera focuses on Simon who is giving LuAss the looks of death. Did ya all notice how he looked all pissed off like he was jealous that the Countless got to sing duet with a legend? Or was it just me? Anyway, he gave me the creepers when he did that shit and I know damn well later on that night when he got home he was sticking pins in a wax doll wearing a wig made with LuAnn’s pubic hair. EEEEWWWW!!!

And the  Bravo little blurbs come on we read that:

Jill’s daughter Ally quit her school and Jill is still an asshole. (I heard she left the school because she thought she was a celebrity and no one likes her, plus she got her stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning. Pobrecita nina she used to be so nice too!)

LuAnn is happy being a drunk weekend mom. She is also still an asshole.

Ramona accepted she is pregnant with Ramonapause and the only babies she should look forward to are the  grand-babies Avery is going to give birth to when she has kids .

Kelly wants a boyfriend she doesn’t have to beat the demonic-shit out of him.

Cindy still has horse dentures.

Alex uses the word “caca” instead of “class”.

Simon still wants to be a housewife.

And Sonja says she is optimistic about her toothless ass “shaking a can on the street” for spare-change and hopes to make millions this way.

And that’s the end of this season, until next season Bitches!

Jill Zarin stated last week that Mario Singer physically pushed her. Lots of people don’t believe the drama queen but I think that maybe Mario wanted to push that bitch, and maybe he even got a hard-on fantasizing that he shoved her. Everyone in the cast has fantasized the same thing at one point, I’m sure.

Here is what Jill told People, “Last weekend, he shoved me. I was at a friends house for a dinner party,” Jill said of Mario, who also attended the premiere. “I was on line for the buffet … and Mario started screaming at me, uncontrollably. And then he pushed me – he shoved me with his hand. He was blaming me for his wife coming off badly on the show. He repeated things he thinks I said that he didn’t like.”

Although I do not agree with Jillious Zarin about the whole debacle of Mario shoving her fat ass, I do believe he must of gotten up in that bitche’s face all crazy because she does bring that out in people.  Methinks that Mario being the animated character that he is (and possibly coked out and drunk) must of being flinging his arms around like a monkey with rabies and was possibly getting up in her face and pointing at Jill and since Jill has an imagination that can take wings and fly she imagined  Mario putting his hands on her, and  with a little exaggeration, (like Ramona stated)  her ass came out and said he shoved her. Plus her two paid assistants stuck up for her, to add to the drama and feed Jill’s delusions. But, if Mario would of really shoved her I believe her ass would of being calling the cops and ‘Bawby’. So no I don’t think he shoved her.

Also the rumors have been swirling that the entire cast of the RHONY will be replaced because producers feel these bitches are tired and too pedestrian so they want to bring in bitches with mo’ money that have mo’ drama. But, it seems that the only ones who will be clipped may be boring ass Cindy Barshop (whose only contribution to the show is to sit there with her mouth wide open in shock) and Alex Mccord the two are denying that their ass is getting the boot.

The last string of post are all late recaps that I dind’t get to post because of the limited time I have. Starting with episode 5 on to 7. More late recaps coming up. Enjoy.

LuAnn decides to invite Sonja to lunch, to discuss a girl’s getaway in the hopes to have another Scary Island fuckdown. Gonzo shows up to the lunch date at some fancy schmancy restaurant looking tacky as usual and the waiter almost kicks that bitch out.  He thought she was a homeless bag-weirdo that wondered in from the street because of the roadkill mangy getup that bitch was wearing. 

Gonzo says she wants to go to Italy for the Truffle festival because ‘everyone’ that can afford it, is going to be there. But, Bravo is on a budget and tired to forking out the bill for these bitches expensive trips, plus LuAnn must be pitching in and the bitch must  have some free flier miles to the economy  version of Paris which, is Morocco.  So LuAnn tells that bitch that beggars can’t be choosers and that all they can afford is Morocco, after all this is a free trip to the ghetto Paris of Europe so her ass better shut up and enjoy it.

LuAnn also makes sure to invite all the other house skanks on this trip, with the hopes that there will be a bitch smack-down Scary Island style and hopefully Kelly will be there too. (Even thought LuAnn says she don’t want Kelly there you know that’s bullshit because they all want to clown on that bitch).

Since LuAnn is the official concierge for Morocco and the self appointed bitch platoon leader she decides to wrangle in all the other bitches and so they are all off to Morocco to cause some shit. Great, now the United States is going to be at war with Morocco. LuAnn warns Ramona to not screw up this trip for everyone and that if she plans to flip out during the trip her ass can stay at home on time-out.

LuAss wants Ramonzon and Jillious to kiss and make up before going on this trip. Then LuAnn shoves a $1.50 key-chain clip on Koala in Ramona’s mouth that Jill gave Ramona to show her that she luuuuuvvees her to death. Literally!

LuAnn then tells Ramona that she looks unhappy and like she sleeps with the devil at night. I wonder if Mario knows he is the devil? After that, LuAnn warns Ramona that her friendship with Jill could end up in the toilet, like  the Jill/Bethenny friendship. Unless Ramona calls Jill up to kiss her ass and make up.

Gonzo decides to do a cooking book, (not another one of those!) about cooking in a $5 dollar busted toaster oven that was picked at the Salvation Army. However, this ‘cook-book’ will not be having any recipes whatsoever, it will only have pictures of Gonzo’s scary ass, corpse-cooch because the bitch decided to do a complete smut-photo-shoot centerfold of her rotted va-jay-jay that will take up the entire book.

Gonzo invited Kelly over to freak her out while doing the vajay-jay photo-shoot.  Gonzo flashes Kelly several times and Kelly is disgusted and appalled so she runs out of Gonzo’s house screaming in traumatized horror. While wearing her pant-less, underwear-less outfit.

Later on LuAnn Kelly and Jill show up to hangout with Cindy for some much needed ass-waxing sessions. 

Kelly starts complaining and crying to the other bitches  about how traumatized she is about seeing Gonzo’s infested corpse-crotch.  They all start talking shit about Gonzo flashing that thing and how horrible it must of been for poor Kelly. Who is more nuts now as the result of this.

 Kelly says she has never seen a woman’s cooch in her life. LuAss wonders how that bitch never seen a cooch but then she realizes that since Kelly doesn’t have one, it makes perfect sense that she’s never seen one.

 LuAnn also says that the reason for Sonja’s cooch-flashing shenanigans is because she learned that shit from hanging around Ramonzon and drinking her Pinot-Moonshiner Backwoods Hooch. I call bullshit on that. Gonzo was already a member of the Old-Hags Gone Wild Club and she’s been flashing her muff way before I was even born.

Kelly then out of the blue-balls-whim starts crying about being in abusive relationships were she is the one doing the ass-kicking and getting hauled away to the male-jail for punching sissy men in the face. Kelly says the worst part was that in men-prison she only met “sharks, minnows, and bottom feeders”. LuAnn holds Kelly and cries with her.

This is were the blondes and brunettes divide started, on the other side of town all the blondes have gathered together for some plastic surgery gone wrong therapy.

Alex says that since she became a model she has to take better care of her skin and so she quit smoking crack. After that, they all get botox injections from a  dirty needle they are all sharing and passing around, that came from the OC bitches biohazard trash.

Gonzo has the fat sucked out of her stomach to avoid sit-ups.

 The discussions turns to the Morocco trip and drug smuggling vaginas.

Kelly says she doesn’t want to go to Morocco because of her fuckdown she had  last time, and she is tired of having to sneak her meth in her Vagina Monocles on the plane when she goes to other countries because the show may turn into ‘Arrested Abroad’. Finally Kelly Looney Tunes admits the real reason for her fear of going on this trip is mainly because of ranging drunken Ramonzon who is only half Kelly Behemoths size but can take her down because when it comes to size, Ramonzon is like a wolverine she is an 80 pound animal that can take on a 200 pound Gorilla. Kelly is the Gorilla.

The other bitches really want Kelly to come (for entertainment, so she can go ball-shits crazy like last time), and Kelly decides to think about it.

Jill is having an anti-bullying fundraiser of some form, for children that are still too young for her to bully. So she will have to wait until their 18. Then she can bully them. Alex shows up to stuff gift bags to this event and Jill warns Alex to keep her pit-bull Ramonzon on a short leash while at the fundraiser.

Ramonzon arrives armed with a case of Pinot Bathtub Moonshine, that is supposed to be donated to the event but the bitch ends up guzzling almost the whole thing by herself before she even arrives.  Ramonzon keeps getting hammered and verbally abusing everyone around her, this includes Jill and the waiters who are now traumatized. Then she goes on a bitch slapping rampage.

LuAnn shows up to save the day and is excited to show up at a fundraiser for bullying so that she can start bullying all the other bitches present. But, specially Ramona whom she walks up to and smacks her in the back of her fat head, for  kidnapping and keeping  designer David Meister in her basement while hogging him from the other bitches and forcing him to spin gold in a wheel while making her old-whore outfits from Satan’s hair.

After a little more slapping around LuAnn tells Ramona no one wants to go with Ramona on this trip to Moroco-co because of her crazy drunken ass and the fact that she scares people. Alex stands by Ramona like her trained bitch ready to jump LuAnn.  Ramonzon finally erupts at LuAnn yelling “I have to answer to you now?”.  It seems that ever since LuAss lost her Countess bought title she has to compensate by bossing and bullying bitches around 110 times more than she did before.

LuAnn insist that Jill confronts Ramona and puts the smack down on that bitch in front of all the guest that payed $200 for a table at this bitch-bullying event. Jill refuses to confront Ramona because she is scared of her and LuAnn stands there taunting Jill about how her big fat ass is scared of Ramona who is burly five feet tall.  I’m sure LuAnn has a chapter in her book that talks about confronting bitches while at charity events and also taunting them into a fight just for shits and giggles because that’s  ‘assy-classy’ just like LuAss.

Kelly Bensimoron arrives pantless, late  and full of meth like always. Then she loudly announces to everybody and their momma that Bravo will fire her punk ass if she doesn’t go to Moroco-co and make a fool of herself.

Ramonzon gets more slurry incoherent and drunk as always and LuAss berates her for having a drinking problem since now the bitch has to haul around a case of vino to stay drunk all day. I have to agree with Countless LuAss, that bitch does have a drinking problem but that’s why she all sorts of scary fun.

Kelly stands there pant-less and telling Ramonzon to wear a longer skirt because she can see her butt-cheeks. Ramona is too drunk to care and when lunch is served and Jill’s stepdaughter Jennifer  gives a speech (Jennifer was bullied as a child and has a condition with her face, I’m not being a clown to this girl) stupid ass Ramona sits there calling the girls face ’deformed’ and yelling at the designer some nonsensical bullshit about her Pinot-Hooch.  And for the first time I sided with Jill because she looked truly hurt by Ramonzon’s insensitive comment at her stepdaughter. That was harsh. Even Alex is pissed off  and embarrassed at that bitches stupidity and lack of sensitivity. Unbelievable!