Because Teresa called Melissa a gold-digging tramp, that would leave her current husband, Tree’s brother, for a wealthier sugar daddy when she shakes her ass for quarters at the clubs while screaming into the microphone. Melissa confronts Tree and demands an apology that never comes from Teresa because now she is pissed that Melissa called Barney Devito’s brief stay at Club Med  ( I don’t want to say jail and offend anybody here, big ole’ eye roll) ‘JAIL’ and so these bitches manage to turn the Summer Solstice Gathering  into The Summer Solstice Gathering That Went Horribly Wrong. Only the RHONJ wild beast in 7 inch heels can ruin a purity party with fucking fairies and third eyes.

So this is how shit went down, Jacqueline shows up at Teresa’s shore shack to help her put makeup on and get ready for a boat trip. While Jacqueline is making up Tree to look like Crusty The Clown’s tranny twin, she is asking her questions about why her ass keeps going to the rag-mags and spills out all her business but, then expects her friends and family to shut the fuck up when they’re gossiping about her. When instead Teresa should of gone and spill her beans to her friends and family in the first place so, this way they can rag-mag on her ass with no pay.

Teresa explains to Jax how her comment to Psycho Midge Joey was only done with love, and to warn him that his bitch wife may leave him for a fatter bank account. Why with all of Mel’s appearances at clubs and whatnot some bigger king pin may snag that ho’ when Joey is not looking.

Soon after that, the Gorgas and Wikipedia’s show up at Teresa’s shore shack, who brought along Rosie and Kathy’s mom to watch the kids while the bitches and their husbands board a boat to get drunk and fight.

While Kathy’s mom Rosie and the teenage Wikipedia kids are watching the small children everyone is off on the boat ride. However, this time the fun is happening at the shore shack outside on the sidewalk, where the little wild Gorga/Giudice miniature beasts are running amuck on the streets and a car damn-near runs over little Audriana who Rosie has to grab in a mad dog rush and while she is grabbing Audriana, little Joey Gorga Jr  (I think it was little Joey Gorga Jr, I’m writing this from memory here) is trying to ride his bike over a moving car and all the other little monkeys are going apeshit . That’s what happens when you have a mixture of Gorga/Giudice ADD-DNA mixed with a bag of sugar per kid, it’s a deadly combination. Rosie who was suckered into watching these out-of-control mini versions of their parents (that’s scary) was thinking in her head THIS IS WHY I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN!  Noo shit! This is why I only did that shit ONCE! After that mini hurricane of crazy, poor Rosie needed a scotch a SERIOUS SCOTCH!! This is what she gets for agreeing to watch those wild beasties. But, at least there was enough wine and liquor in that house to keep her drunk for a couple of months.

On the boat ride everyone is uncomfortable and Jacqueline who likes to pretend ‘everything is fine!’ starts talking shit about how the godmother Caroline Manzo is going through menopause and this is the reason she is a bitch. I believe it! I also think Caroline was born with menopause since she is been a bitch since she was a baby. Just look at her offspring Caroline Jr, she is been going through menopause since before the show started! Is in the Manzo genes.

The awkwardness gets more awkward when, Teresa and Richie get into an argument over who deserved to get punched in the face more, Richie or Barney Devito. Midget Psycho Joey thinks Tree was brainfucked by Barney Devito the way he got brainfucked by Melissa. Then, they all force themselves to smile for a family picture.

At the Manzo compound Lauren continues to whine about how fat she is. Her momma Caroline says YES YOU ARE! And then proceeds to remind Lauren not to hate her brothers because they’re beautiful golden thin children but, it’s not their fault. Since this wasn’t enough humiliation, while Lauren and Vito are cooking dinner all the other Manzo fuckers start gang-punking on how fat Lauren and Vito are, and how lard-assy and huge their future children will be and the only advantage those children will have is they will be able to beat up on Albie and Christopher’s future thin gifted attractive children. Lauren is all sad and acknowledges that Vito only likes Shore Whores with tight butts and surfboard abs. To rub salt in that wound, like any good brother would, Albie pulls out a photo of his current girlfriend (you mean Gregg?) and tells Lauren that’s the kind of skank Vito likes. While Albie was clowning on Lauren’s fatness the godmother Caroline just laughed it off like her sons are so cute for doing that and Lauren was about to cry. Later on, when the cameras left Lauren ate a 20 lb. tub of ice cream while washing it down with her tears.

And finally all the bitches go to Jacqueline’s Summer Solstice party hosted by her psychic Tia. Psychic? I call bullshit on that, for one she hasn’t won the lottery yet, for two she couldn’t predict that inviting the embarrassing RHONJ ho’s was going to only RUIN that purity party which is why they were all required to wear white. They should of worn riot squad gear instead.

While at the party Mel decides to talk with Caroline about her favorite subject TERESA. Caroline tells Melissa that since Tree is the new Joker Face (same speech different bitch) and an asshole she is trying to destroy the family because she hates Melissa. Really? Besides Caroline what else is old?

Teresa shows up at the Solstice Party with Kim D (that bitch is still alive?) and is pissed that her brother Midget Psycho Joey has repeated to Mel the dig warning Tree gave him on that bitch being a gold-digger who will walk out on him if a richer man comes along.

The Third Eye Fairies give everyone a third eyeball, but I believe with these fucktwits that shit is blind deaf and dumb, so there’s no hope for them. Not even with a third eye.

Rosie pulls Tree to the side so nobody could hear them except the cameramen and all of the TV audience watching this craziness, and starts bringing up the bullshit about the gold-digger comment between Tree and her Midget brother. Rosie tells Teresa she just wants everyone to shut the fuck up, cut the bullshit and party, she also says she is surrounded by a bunch of stupid idiots and now she needs more liquor.

Everyone agrees that Teresa’s  true motive for that gold-digging comment is because she is a jealous bitch with a husband who has cheating issues and is projecting onto the Gorgas the current situation in her own marriage. Supposedly Midget Psycho Joey was the one who found out that Barney Devito was cheating on Teresa and he is the one who threatened Barney Devito with telling Tree all about it. Teresa ended up discovering the questionable text on Barney Devito’s phone.

Tree tries to sweep that shit under the rug because she is embarrassed and then forces Jacqueline to be on her side, or else.

Soon after that Mel and Tree get into a bitching spewage over how Midget Joey never called Tree when Barney Devito was someone’s bitch at the fabulous jail house. Tree gets all batshit crazy and offended that this bitch mentioned ‘jail’ when according to Teresa the proper term is ‘he went away,’ and so Tree turns this comment into a fight, just like Mel and Joey turned the gold-digging dig into a big ole’ fight. Shit never ends with these fucktards. After  Teresa gets horribly offended she runs out of the party all pissed off.

Mel goes back to cry to Mama Manzo and starts singing her same tired victim song “I tried,  she is nuts I don’t know what the fuck happened” and Caroline agrees with the whole thing and calls Teresa a bully. Turd meet the dingle-berry!

Kathy says that old Mafiosos use the word ‘away’ instead of jail because that’s old school Mafioso respect and understands why Teresa flipped out. But, doesn’t understand why she is using old school terminology when nowadays going to jail is like saying he went on vacation and nobody gives a shit anymore. Besides, why is this ho’ tripping all of her and her husband’s dirty chones have been airing out their stinky odors since she started appearing on this Bravo Circus; same goes for everyone else.

While Teresa is running in her hooker stilettos to her car, Jacqueline, Kim D and the socalled psychic Tia are chasing her down begging her not to leave. Tia is brave enough to grab Tree’s arm, bitch better watch out Tree has gorilla strength and may send her flying across the parking lot onto a parked car the same way she tossed Miss Andy like a rag doll during that one reunion. I wonder if maybe Tia has never watched this show and that may explain why she has balls.

After much negotiating (as if Teresa was holding hostages and the other bitches were cops) she agrees to talk to Mel under the condition that she don’t bring up Barney Devito’s vacation in Club Med.

When Mel goes out to confront Tree in the parking lot, the bitches are going back and forth and yelling at each other. So much for fairy dust, third eyes and harmony!  Melissa starts demanding an apology from Tree Beast for saying she will leave Midget Joey for a fatter wallet to suck on. Teresa says that if Joey would of just kept his big bitch mouth shut and kept the comment in confidence (but forgets how to pronounce confidence and says confidante or some stupid shit)  this shit-storm would have been avoided. It’s called stirring shit up for the cameras Tree, you done that before.

The argument goes on and on and gets louder and louder plus these bitches are waving their arms around throwing gang signs and shit like that. They argue about gifts, and their kids birthdays and about how Barney Devito throws away the gifts that Mel brings the Giudice girls and who is a bigger bitch than who. Teresa tries to leave but Mel stops her and yells ‘walk away coward like you always do!’ Then, Teresa comes back getting into full orangutan fight mode and we cut to commercials.

Okay so I’m a sick whore and was hoping these bitches where going to scratch each other’s eyes out and throw Louboutin shoes at each other using the heels as weapons all while in the glamorous parking lot where all the bitch chola fights happen with this crew. But, NOOOOO!

It is only obvious that Barney Devito is not all that into his wife Teresa Giudice and is fed up with cameras following him and his troubles around. In an upcoming episode Barney Devito will snap at Tree and threatens to leave her and the girls if she keeps complaining about fighting with her bro Midget Psycho Joey. An insider spilled this to Life & Style :

“In an upcoming episode, Joe threatens to leave Teresa,” a source says. “When she complains about fighting with her brother, Joe tells her, ‘I don’t want to hear about it anymore. When I say something, you fucking listen and shut up. Try to get me around your family,  just try it. I’ll end up leaving you.”

WOW! That’s pretty ugly.

But, Tree insists that:

“everyone has their ups and downs.”

However Melissa the insider says that Teresa pretends to have a happy marriage when the cameras are around and she obviously fails miserably at it:

“It’s sad,” the insider says. “They turn it on only when cameras are around. Joe hasn’t been focused on his family for years.”

So could this be the reason she is trying to get preggers again and give husband Barney Devito a baby boy?

This is what she spilled to Hollywood Life:

“I try to be Superwoman,” Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Teresa Giudice confesses to Hollywoodlife.com. “My husband Joe is telling me that we should have another baby – he wants to try for a boy.”

With Teresa trying to be the main bread winner for her family plus juggling all of her gigs and supposedly having no nannies or hardly any help to raise her brood she says she is too tired to give Barney Devito some monkey sex in order to get another baby going:

She explains that her two youngest daughters, Milania and Audriana, still insist that she lie down with them at night until they go to sleep.

“Then I go back to my bed and Joe wants some action,” she laughs. “He always says – ‘you’re so tired!’”

“Whenever I ask Joe, what he wants for his birthday, he replies: ‘Another baby!’”

“I’m just so grateful that I have healthy kids and I think I understand why God sent me four girls,” she explains. “I grew up with a brother, Joe (Gorga), and we were close when we were young, but not so much now. But with my girls, we can be best friends, and they will have each other. Sisters will always stick together.”

And then again Barney Devito shouldn’t trip, I am sure he just wants a boy so that he can carry his last name on. But, in today’s world men take their wives last name. Gia just has to find a nice Jewish boy (remember when Tree told her to marry a Jewish man) that will exchange his last name for Giudice, and put up with that family’s bat-shit craziness. Problem solved.

Thanks Nikki for the link to this mess!

The New Jersey House Flies are back on, and since they all have boring lives with uninteresting story lines they have all decided to continue to ‘burn’ that witch Teresa at the stake with Caroline Manzo as the Captain godmother of the Teresa Bashing Bus.

This episode starts with everyone hanging out at the Wikipediases house while having some sort of Barbeque thing going on and of course since that party was getting boring they decide to bring up their favorite subject and talk about Teresa and the shit she wrote in her cookbook about everyone in New Jersey. Those ribs sure looked yummy now I want barbecued ribs.

Richie Wikipedia reads out loud from the Teresa’s cook/bash-book about how everyone sucks ass, and Melissa doesn’t want anyone reading that shit out loud in front of her husband Psycho Midget Joey because he doesn’t know how to read and will find out what Tree said. Wait, didn’t they already read this to him? Everyone says that Tree has changed because she is now a full blown Attention Whore Personality Disorder skank. Yeah, because NOT ONE of them suffers from that shit, only Tree does!

Jacqueline is also having a get-together to stir the shit between Teresa and Caroline some more and so invites Tree over. Before Teresa shows up everyone is again talking about Teresa and what an asshole she is and blah, blah, blah.

Caroline Jr. I mean Lauren, I mean Caroline Jr brings up that lazy slob Ashley and how she is out  partying and getting wasted with her friends because NO ONE AT THE AGE OF 20 DOES THAT! NO ONE!  Caroline Jr also wonders why Ashley is not at home hanging around her fambly and her momma complaining about her bunions and backaches and talking shit about Teresa because that’s what a normal 20 year old does. At least they already picked a scapegoat to shit on when Teresa gets the Miss Andy boot to the culo.

When Teresa shows up you can hear the record scratching and you can cut the tension with a butter knife.  All the Manzo kids look at Teresa like she just ate a shit sandwich and still has a butt-mud dingelberry stuck to her hairy chin. Teresa just acts like her normal oblivious self (like she don’t know what the fuck is going on and everything is peachy) and then, Tree takes Caroline outside for an ass whooping, and that was the end of the season, just kidding.

They go outside and talk about the dreaded evil cookbook and how it has caused poor 1/16th Italian Caroline and her offspring so much painful distress. Tree tries to apologize to Caroline and says that she was just kidding when she said all that mean shit and didn’t think Caroline and the other fools would read it since Tree thought they can’t read just like her bro Psycho Joey and possibly her husband Barney Devito. But, that bitch ain’t having it and doesn’t tell Tree she loves her. How stupid why did Tree even tell Caroline that she loves her? She knows that bitch hates on her.

Later on all the ho’s get ready to visit their summer beach shacks at the Jersey Shore. Psycho Midget Joey tells Melissa that Teresa told him Mel would leave him if she found a fatter wallet to fuck on. Melissa is offended and is about to shit on her 250 plus pair of shoes rack that looks like the sales rack at Strippers Shoes R Us.

The Wikipedias are also packing and we find out they pack lube. Kathy wants Richie to hide that shit so no one will know except for the cameramen and all of America on national TV that they use ass lube. For Richie. EEEUUUUWWWWW!!!!!

Back at the Giudice’s future mob boss of the mob, Milania is beating on her sisters and calling Gia a ‘stupid pooper’ while her doting father Barney Devito looks at her lovingly for learning new insults and also for kicking her sisters ass on a daily basis while entertaining dad Barney Devito in his new boring life as House Husband, who now has to be the Mister Mom while Teresa is out pimping her cookbooks and hustling on Celebrity Apprentice to keep his trifling ass out of jail. What happened to this fools construction bodega laundering bizness?

After everyone is packed they all pile up in their car to head to the Jersey Shores and Tree starts confronting Barney Devito on the cheating shenanigans he was up to the previous night. Barney Devito admits he was out with a gang of bitches and both Teresa and Gia start questioning his shady ways. Barney Devito can’t take the heat and yells at Gia to SHUD UP AND STAY OUT OF HIS BIZNESS!

I feel real bad for Gia, must suck to have to deal with been a preteen and have your family’s business dirty chones out there to air out like that. Teresa tells Barney Devito that Gia knows he is a cheater because she KNOWS HOW TO READ unlike Teresa’s brother Psycho Midget Joe and has read about his cheating ways in the tabloids so he better keep that shit in his pants. This doesn’t even faze Barney Devito and his answer is ‘this is the life we chose!’ And for once I agree with him.

Once the Giudice clan reaches their destination dad Barney Devito gets this slide whatchamathingy off the roof of the car and gets it ready to set up until he uncovers the nasty rotted center that’s covered in mouse poop and maggots. He carried that shit all the way to the shore and didn’t bother checking it first? I wonder how rat infested their marble mansion is. All the girls including mom Teresa are freaking out while Barney Devito has to deal with touching that nasty tarp to throw it away.

Jacqueline apparently now has a life coach, who is basically a guy that she cries to about what an Assholey Assholey is. Jax complaints that Ashley goes out to get drunk and then can’t drive home so she calls her parents to pick her drunk ass up. Chris and Jacqueline rather have a drunk Ashley drive home. By the way how does that punkass spell her name again? I forgot!

Caroline visits the aging doctor to find out why she is moody and headachy and bitchy all the time and he tells her that she is old, and needs new friends. DUH! YA’ THINK?!

Melissa and Psycho Midget Joe plus their children arrive at their shore shack, which is in complete shambles since Joe decided to make that shit like the Bellagio OC home Baby Joker Face lives at. But, instead Psycho Joe got an algae infested pool, piles of putrid trash, and a bum that was sleeping in an empty room. Joe is willing, ready and able to stay there but, Melissa threatens to withhold the nookie from him if he forces her to stay there. No Gorgasms for him. So, they all end up with bags in hands and kids under their arms at the door of the Wikipedia’s. Who have 20 people sleeping in a 2 bedroom house.

At the rented shore house the Gorgas and Wikipedias talk about Teresa some more and her troubles with Barney Devito going to prison and being someone’s bitch, until Mama Maria tells them to shut the fuck up.

Kathy’s sister Rosie says she doesn’t get attacked by Teresa because she is no threat to her since unlike Skinny Italian Teresa, she is chunky, Teresa has beautiful long flowing hair and Rosie has a butch haircut, while Teresa lives in a huge fucking marble castle, Rosie lives at home with her momma. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!! FUNNY AND TRUE SOMEONE GIVE THIS BITCH HER OWN SHOW!

Psycho Ass Midget Joe says he will take care of his sister whose peddling her sorrow stories to the tabloids for cash and her husband may go to jail.

Caroline, Lauren and Jacqueline all go take a power walk while drinking black  sewer water. Jax notices the construction workers do not notice her anymore because she says she is getting old. See, Caroline should of just checked with the construction workers just like Jax did instead of paying a doctor to tell her she is getting old. Lauren wonders why they’re not looking at her she is not getting old but, I think because she hangs around this gossipy sowing circle of middle aged bitches the construction workers are just confusing her for Mama Manzo.

Back at the Jewsey Shores the Giudice/Gorga fambly meet at the beach and while the kids go out and play in the water, Teresa and Midget Psycho Joe talk about their family feuds. Midget Joe tells Tree she is defensive and in denial of her money and Barney Devito philandering troubles. Then, he brings up how he loaned Tree 25k when she needed it.

Tree jumps on him about how everyone fights over jealousy and money and finally they decide to just deal with each other and sweep the turd under the rug, until shit gets ugly again. And it will.

Lets visit with ‘poor me’ Jacqueline, who is still running on that Complaining About Ashley Marathon. Apparently Jacqueline had family in Vegas who are willing to take a now blonde asslips injected Ashley in.  Chris decides enough is enough and is giving Ashley an ultimatum. Either go to Vegas (and party your ass off at the clubs overthere) or get kicked out into the cold New Jersey night. I would choose to go to Vegas, fuck it. At least overthere she can get a job as a pole polisher with that blonde Kim Zolciak flea infested wig she is sporting now. But, I am lost didn’t this child move to LA? Can’t keep up with this shit.

Sorry for my absences on these recaps. Life and extra overtime at work has really taken it’s toll on me but, for those of you who read this blog already know I will be here posting this shit daily sometime in the Summer because I am getting laid off from my day job. For those of you who didn’t know, now you do. So, for now I will try to post as many recaps as time allows.

Also I wanted y’all to check out these links below to some funny ass spoof videos of the house skanks, this was send to me a few weeks ago by a fellow blogger Flipit from TV Gasms (I love their recaps) and again I didn’t have too much time to post but, I want you all to go check out the spoof video it’s hilarious. Also another link got send to me from Bravo’s publicist Emily Garvey. Where house husbands are exictedly waiting for the new season of the New Jersey skanks to start like it’s the Superbowl!

Here is the links. Enjoy!

Real Men Watch Real Housewives

Video Spoof TVGasms

More TVGasms Spoof’s

Love you all

The Boss Lady

How things have changed; on season one Teresa Giudice used to go on mad shopping sprees., throwing hundred dollar bills as she skipped along the isles of various boutiques and furniture stores, blowing thousands of dollars as she pleased on all kinds of shit and bragging about how she didn’t like living in used linoleum floor houses, and how she was a happy wife with a happy life and no budget limitations.

Fast forward to now and Teresa has gone through financial problems, lawsuits, embarrassing shit, fought with every relative, friend and their mamma etc.  And now she is going around shopping at discount stores, (where she never would of shopped before) and apparently while shopping at Marshall’s in Totowa NJ her credit card got declined. Teresa then got all embarrassed and looked around asking to borrow a 100 dollar bill to pay for her shopping.

Teresa is also now realizing that Reality TV ruined her life and killed her relationships with her family and friends. Something she didn’t want to admit in the past.

Teresa realizes that she:

“traded family and friends for fame”

Teresa also says that her and Jacqueline used to be close before this housewives ordeal:

“My Housewives experience has completely changed. Jacqueline and I had a wonderful relationship for about 10 years. We were great friends, but not anymore. It’s so sad. We actually went through a ‘friends divorce’, which is so hard.”

Teresa is still pissing bricks that she was not notified, her brother and SIL would be joining the show and says :

“I felt deceived.”

She also hasn’t spoken to her brother for a while:

“I haven’t spoken to my brother since before Christmas. We haven’t gone this long without talking in my whole life! I’d have to say that reality TV ruined our family, and it’s a disgrace.”

Thanks to all my readers that posted and emailed me links to this juicy piece of gossip!

The Real House Bitches Of The New Jerseys will be coming back in April with it’s fourth season. Last season introduced us to Teresa’s sister in law Melissa Gorga and cousin Kathy Wakile. This set the foundation for Teresa to go from the Bitch of the show on season 3, to the full Asshole that everyone hates on the show on the coming season 4 because suddenly all of them including Caroline hate her because they are all a bunch of assholes, Teresa also.

There will be appearances by  ex-house wife Dina Manzo who is no longer speaking to her sister but, is still friends with Tree she even sides with her. Melissa Gorga will question her husband’s sexuality and will also be confronted by her ex-boss where Mel supposedly worked as a stripper. Kathy and husband will have to deal with routine teenage problems. The Manzo boys will try to buy a luxury skank-magnet, they will also shit on Laurence’s self-esteem and her future chunky children with Vito. And of course there will lots of Teresa yelling and going apeshit on the other bitches the other ho’s will also go on bitch slap mode on Tree. That one coked out drunk-bitch Kim D will be there also, calling Joe Gorga a ‘midget.’ Barney Devito tells Tree to ‘shut up,’ and there’s one scene where the men are talking and Barney agrees Teresa hates all the other bitches. Also it looks like Tree and Mel will finally duke it out outside, in front of Melissa’s house the way bitches do it at the trailer park every Saturday night. NICE!

Teresa Giudice and her husband Barney Devito, decided it was better to pay off their debts, and withdraw the request to file bankruptcy rather than risk going to jail and have to share the used showers with violent, lonely, horny inmates. And it appears that it is Teresa who has gotten the family out of trouble by peddling her recipe/bash sister-in-law book, and also successfully making an ass of herself in both Housewives and Celebrity Apprentice. And thanks to Teresa’s Prostitution Fame Whoring talents she has now managed to have her trial for December 23rd canceled.

From NJ.com:

After the Star-Ledger revealed the about-face, their lawyer told People magazine in September that Teresa planned to drop her bankruptcy case as well because she is now earning enough money to pay her debts. But a consent order agreed to by Teresa and the Office of the U.S. Trustee (a division of the Justice Department) wasn’t signed until Wednesday. Teresa’s trial, set for Dec. 23, has been canceled.

According to the consent order, Teresa agrees to waive discharge of her debts, and acknowledges that she wishes to resolve Sywilok’s proceedings against her “without the need for further inquiry or litigation, and without her making any further admissions.”