realfauxhousewives.com » The Brownstone

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap, Jesus’ Birthday Almost Ruined By The Kim That Would Not Leave

admin — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 20:00:22 +0000

After Monica Chacon was thrown out of Melissa and Psycho Joe’s house; she stood outside waiting for Kim G, who said ‘goodbye and sucks to be you’ to Monica and made that bitch walk home in her stilettos, in the dark, with no ride. What a great friend she is, stays at the party her side-bitch just got kicked out from HOW NICE!. Kim felt it was better to stay because someone has to start shit and run her mouth and this is exactly what this hag did. How long is her Bravo audition going to go on for?

Teresa is happy and grateful that Melissa threw that skank out and decides to dance with her sister-in-law and Psycho Joe decides to get sandwiched in between the Nalgas of all his sisters-in-law plus some random transvestite bitches in there, so that he can corral them for the orgy he is having later where he will be wearing his best nightie with his high heel slippers.

Teresa tells Melissa that if they stick together they are unstoppable (yeah imagine all the fraud and scams they can commit?) and Kim G yells “for now!”. Suddenly Teresa hears this bitches sewer-banshee screeches and realizes Kim G is still in the house smirking like an asshole licking her shit stirring spoon and mocking Teresa because even though the lawyer skank got booted out Kim didn’t, so Kim makes sure she rubs it in Teresa’s face that she is still there. Teresa asks her bro and sil WTF? They tell her to chill because Kim is just a harmless senior citizen, but Tree knows better and tells them that Kim is a snake who will start all kinds of mad dog shit, but Psycho Joe and Mel decide to ignore that. Did they not watch the last season? Melissa says Teresa hates Kim G because they’re a lot alike so they are secretly sisters. Really? Are you sure you’re all not triplets from different decades?

And of course this time Teresa was right, Kim G is running a trail of diarrhea spewage about Melissa kicking Monica out to anyone that will listen and it appears Kathy and a circle of women are giving her audience, but all she gets is a bunch of dirty looks and frowns. Not too happy Lauren tells that bitch to quit stirring the witch brew because she is pathetic. The God Mother is keeping an eye on this lunatic like a watchdog and gets on her bitch slapping mode walks up to Kim Granny-Tell gets in that bitche’s face wagging her finger, to tell that bitch off and put her in her place. The God Mother tells that bitch to have respect for their son’s friendship and Kim G keeps smirking like the bitch she is, until she is told to get the fuck out by Christopher who is trying to stop the two grandma’s from going at it, so he gets in between them. Kim G’s bodyguard (who is like 70, 80?) stands there staring while gnats are flying around his face and Kim G yells SEEK SEEK!! But that doesn’t work on her elderly body guard (whom she picked up at the old-people-home she finds her free dates at) then his ass gets yelled at by The God Father (who is also ready to throw down) and tells him to FUCK OFF!

Chris tries to be cool about the whole deal and decides he is not going to let this shit-storm get more stormy so he talks to Kim Granny-Tell (like an adult which obviously SHE is NOT!) and tries to patch things up by kindly walking her outside. While he is outside chatting with Kim G Teresa and Barney Devito are waiting for the valet to bring their car and end up watching the whole spectacle realizing Kim G is getting kicked out of the party. Tree is glad she isn’t in this mess and tells her hubby she is going to ride his vibrator wearing sausage cock all night long while Kim G plays with her toys. EEEEWWWW!!! Thanks Tree now I need to wash my brain with acid to get rid of that image.

The God Mother freaks out because she doesn’t want her baby Christopher outside trying to reason with the Devil so she sends her “Golden Boy” to fetch him and finish taking out the “Gaw-bage”. Of course she is walking right behind Albie to make sure that old bitch leaves, The God Father is right behind her in case he has to send his thugs out to throw the security guard in the trash whom I’m sure took refuge in hiding under the car by now. Ashley is also right behind HOPING that she will have to go rip some old lady weave, but her mom drags her back in. The God Father calls Kim a “clown” and Ashley responds “just like Danielle!”.

Christopher seems to be handling the situation pretty well when Albie comes fling out like he’s ready to box Kim G and he commands Christopher to come back in. Like a little boy that got grounded and can’t play outside anymore, Christopher comes back inside and when Kim G tries to come back in Albie barks at her, BITCH YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, I’M SECURITY, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME, and Kim G asks him when did you become security? But Albie has a reply for everything and says SINCE LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO BITCH! LEAVE! And surprisingly she left! Teresa yells “ding dong the witch is dead!”.

Melissa thinks it’s strange that the Manzo’s were kicking someone out of her party. If it had been any other people she would of being pissed, BUT since this is the Manzo’s she is going to shut the fuck up and NOT bitch, but instead just tell her boys to take notes and do the same for mama when their ass is grown up. Well yeah! When her son’s are like twenty, she is still gonna be feeding them in the mouth with the apron strings attached, so them barking at bitches that start shit with their mama is expected.

After the fiasco the Manzo’s are all sitting around while Christopher expects a call from Johnny, Kim G’s son. Christopher is pissed off that he was handling the situation well, but his familia had to get all ugly and kick Kim G out and all this shit while he was trying to be respectful to his friend’s mother, despite the fact she is a crazy ass bitch. I feel bad for Christopher! The older Chris jumps in to give his opinion on Kim G and says that the bitch needs to be smacked and “all bets are off!” IT’S WAR! The phone rings and is Johnny on the other line they talk things out and all is well. I’m sure Kim G’s son knows how crazy his mom is no one has to explain it to him, that’s why he ran far away to college like he did to get away from her. However, that crazy bitch Kim G went to Rumorfix.com where she claims the cameras didn’t get the full drama she says that Albie shoved her and her son and Christopher got into a fight as a result of this shit and she seems to have an air of satisfaction that she ruined their friendship. Is this bitch mentally ill or just plain evil?

When the party is over and everyone leaves Psycho Joe has to show his respect to the God Father by kissing his ring (he better remember to ask him a favor on Lauren’s wedding day) then he thanks him for taking the “Gaw-bage” out of his house.

Melissa says the party was a success, even though they spend 50k on the party it was all for charity and worth it they were able to collect eight used toys amounting to less than ten dollars and some of them weren’t even toys, they were just things people found around the house and wrapped up. There’s going to be a cancer child opening up a can of Cheese Wiz on Christmas day.

Kathy is having her own Christmas party and her mom is there helping her prepare food and in familias Italianas the women go on a cooking marathon during Christmas eve while they talk shit about everybody and they don’t stop until they’re done. Kathy’s mom tells the story about how a hundred years ago her husband sold his business to her brother and he never finished paying so she didn’t speak to the brother for like another 70 years and one day she ran into him at the fish market and started crying because she was regretful. Sounds like keeping score has been around in this family for decades and now it has just mutated into a big circus that’s getting aired out on national TV. Their entertaining fights and brawls are no longer limited to the neighbors eyes, now the whole country can watch! AWESOME!

Caroline is giving advice on her radio show and people are calling in while she tells them to quit being pussies. Her brother Chris calls totally unexpected and unscripted by Bravo and asks advice on dealing with Assho-ley. And she tells him to put the smack down. No just kidding she tells him something stupid like he is doing a good job or some shit. I heard that right now Assho-ley is living in Texas with her other family because she got tarred, feathered and chased out of town by the Jersey folk.

I didn’t know Caroline’s brother is in town. Uh oh!! Is that Caroline?! Sorry! Caroline is cooking up a storm of her own, including her dad’s special ghetto I’m broke bitch sauce that he came up with when he was home-bound baked off his ass and broke. AHHH the recipes stoners come up with are the best!

Teresa’s daughters are all dolled up in the beautiful flower girl dresses she picked up cheap at the yard sale from My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding. The dress itself weights twice each little girl’s body weight and this weights them down if any of them think of running away. I’m looking at you Audriana!

The Gorga’s show up (Melissa had to drag Joe and bribe him with sex because he didn’t want to be there) and Melissa’s daughter is also sporting her own fifty pound dress. Fake Santa Claus show up and the girls are not fooled since they know it’s their grandma. Kids are so smart these days, with the Internet an’ all.

And speaking of Gypsy weddings and teenage brides Gia got a ring from a boy she doesn’t like, but she will take his rings and gifts. Barney Devito gets the shotgun ready as he and grandpa Gorga plan on negotiating an old fashioned shotgun Catskills wedding with a dowry for little Gia.

Uncle Psycho Joe comes over to tease Gia and tells her he is going to beat up her boyfriend and drunken Barney Devito gets all kinds of pissed because he believes Psycho Joe is ruining his evil genius plan of this marriage arraignment he is trying to coordinate in marrying Gia off to a rich family and get out of debt. So he decides to sit at the dinning table and trash talk Psycho Joe by calling him and his family “fucking animals” and calls Melissa “Raccoon face” and a “witch”. Yeah, this is really going to help things along with the Gorga/Giudice family feud.

Teresa and Melissa argue over whose outfit looks more like a two-dollar corner-whore. And Teresa tries to say she is embarrassed for Melissa showing her plastic cleavage (on Jesus’ 89th b-day) but Teresa is showing half butt-cheek. Turd meet the runs. Both of you are dressed like you have the SAME pimp! So shut the fuck up already!

Psycho Joe and Melissa do not stay for dinner, but instead head out to Kathy Wikipedia and her husband’s leaving a pissed off Teresa who had a place set for her brother and family the kids are pissed that they didn’t get to stay and play with their cousins. Poor kids! Right now they are too young to understand the so-called grown-ups immaturity!

Copyright © 2009
This feed is for personal, non-commercial use only.
The use of this feed on other websites breaches copyright. If this content is not in your news reader, it makes the page you are viewing an infringement of the copyright. (Digital Fingerprint:

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap, ‘Twas The Fight Before Thrash-Mass And Kim G Crashed The Bash, Her Sidekick Got Thrown Out Like An Old Piece Of Trash

admin — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 04:42:43 +0000

It’s Christmas time in New Joysey and Teresa and her family are all decorating a twenty foot tall Christmas tree with all kinds of huge gold tacky balls. Teresa says that because of their bankruptcy they are cutting back this year and they are not having a tree made out of money like last year.

And decorating the Christmas tree in Teresa’s house means talking shit about everyone in your family that you don’t like while the bigger kids watch the little ones and smack them if needed the way they see mom and dad do every day. NICE!

Meanwhile Melissa and Psycho Joe are working on their very own bankruptcy (to keep up with the Giudice’s) by blowing 50k on ‘Jesus’s birthday’ by having all kinds of expensive decorations and extravagant parties plus paying extra for the sexy ”well spoken good looking models” to serve at the party (where no one speaks English properly) and staying away from the “rolly-polly’s” fugly fat motherfuckers they could of hired and saved a buck on. But don’t worry this is all to collect presents for children with Cancer or some scam like that according to Psycho Joe. I wonder if he’s going to wear a glitter dress again?

While Melissa is fussing with the Christmas tree and almost having a tree land on her head and splitting it in half, Psycho Joe is sitting there eating chips and talking shit about Barney Devito and wondering how Barney is going to behave when he comes over to this party. Is he going to fling feces out of his chones and start pounding on the table calling Teresa ‘gaw-bage’ like last time that resulted in the entire meltdown of crazy that followed?

Uuuhh-oooh, wait that was Psycho Joe that did that shit. However, in Psycho Joe’s little monkey brain he remembers it different; and still insist it was all Barney Devito and Teresa who came in tearing up their shirts and pounding on their chest all dramatic like Hulk Hogan. Yep.

Teresa complains to her husband Barney Devito about all the trash the paps print about them being broke assess with a possible foreclosure and Barney’s various run-ins with the law and DUI’s. But, just seconds after she complains or her new found fucked up fame, her Attention Whore Personality disorder seizure hits her and she brags that she knows how Brad and Angelina feel every day. She is right though, except Brad and Angelina have fame and money not fame and bankruptcy.

Melissa’s older annoying sister Lyssa, (the bigger asshole one of the two) claims that Barney Devito’s mom, mama Giudice punched her in the face (God bless her!) at the “Christening gonne wrong”. It’s about time! Somebody had to punch that bitch. But why didn’t Bravo catch that excitement? I would of love to see Mama Giudice in action! Those Italian grandma’s don’t fuck around.

At Jacqueline’s house is Assho-ley’s birthday and Jacqueline gives her a special Rosary blessed by her psychic to ward off and drive evil away. And right away Ashley’s face turns orange and her head starts spinning when she holds the Rosary and Jacqueline telling her (like a genius that one!) that her birthday gift was supposed to be a surprise visit from her birth-dad who flaked on her at the last minute for the umpteenth time doesn’t help. It causes Ashley to throw the Rosary back at her mom while flames are coming out of her mouth because she wants her absent birth dad who hangs up on her, and not fake dad Chris who is there every day putting up with her psycho-whinny shit for how many years now? And buying her all the expensive crap she needs like clothes, food, housing, cell phones, brand new Jeeps, etc. Let’s all play a violin for Assho-ley and her unnecessary whining over imaginary problems.

But her problems continue. Pobrecita. Ashley’s mother forces her to go to dinner with the family she has here and Ashley tries to call her birth dad who hangs up on her annoying ass.

Lauren and her brother’s already arrived at the restaurant where Ashley is being forced to make a dinner appearance. Lauren says she doesn’t want to sit next to whinny little brat Ashley(oooh, these girls are going to make great future House Skanks!) who got “the same thing she fucked up last time!” for her birthday, or she may pull a Mama Giudice and get tempted to punch Ashley in the face also. Please sit next to her!

Assho-ley arrives late and proceeds to text during the whole dinner while ignoring everyone around her, even after Jacqueline tells her to quit it and get up to give a speech. Ass-holey says thank you to everyone for coming and not choking her with her own hair, even though she is an asshole. Everyone doesn’t care about Ashley’s speech since they were not showing up for her, they were showing up because there was free food. She also tries to tell her friends that she wishes her step dad Chris and her, were closer because ‘money can’t buy you a relationship’ (is she also going to make a song Ala- Countless LuAss?). Somehow when Ass-holey says that I just see her wearing a clown suit and I can’t take her serious.

Kathy is also decorating her house with Christmas junk and spewing more of her BS about how she wants everyone to get along for Christmas. Her husband Rich is outside trying to knock the power out of the entire block, (maybe the whole neighborhood) by hanging more lights than their house can handle, he even has paid professional Christmas light decorators and everything.

Caroline and big Al visit the jewelry store to get a bracelet that has stones representing her children and they forgot to ad Lauren. BASTARDS! Anyways that was boring, moving on.

Melissa gets ready for her big Melissa Jesus Birthday Bash by taking off her chones because she doesn’t need underwear for this type of party according to her fuglier sister Brunhilda. Psycho Joe wants to make sure his evening sparkly hooker gown arrived from the cleaners, just in time for his big drag queen musical for the party and of course for the children with Cancer who can certainly benefit from Psycho Joe running around in a dress. Melissa tells Psycho Joe that if she catches him waging his ass at the gay party planner she will cut off his little we-wee.

After Teresa gets her hair did by her replacement ‘hair gay’ because that bitch Melissa done stole and kidnapped Teresa’s ‘hair girl’, Teresa drags Barney Devito out of the house and his ass is holding on to everything his tubby little hands can grab on to, in order to avoid getting in the car. He even grabs a hold of a punching bag and proceeds to demonstrate to Teresa what’s going to happen if any one says shit to them as he does his famous Bruce Lee round house move and kicks the bag. I was impressed he can get his little short leg to go up that high. Very impressed!

At Melissa’s party, which is now in full swing, there are Carolers, sexy looking servers, running around (not fugly Rolly Polly ones!), huge plates of food, a bar in the “li-berry”, a full- on casino (because you know Jesus likes to get his gamble on!) with drop dead Gorga money, drag queens, a huge sculpture of Psycho Joe sticking his little peen in Melissa ala- doggy style, Guatemalan Leprechauns spitting fire and all kinds of extravagant expensive shit. And all for the children with Cancer who will get some 99 cent store toys out of all this or was it for Jesus’s Birthday? Who cares there’s booze.

Melissa and her fugly sisters pose on the step and repeat, and while this is going on, Kathy is there dressed like a bondage slut. Little Psycho Joe gets all kinds of boner-excited by this, so he starts whistling and cat-calling Kathy saying she looks like a ‘hot slut’. Her husband Rich gets horrified by this and tells Psycho Joe he will kick his fucking ass and throw him over the ice sculpture. Psycho Joe laughs at him and tells him to chill, after all, this is the kind of kinky shit they do in this part of the New Joysey Backwoods and Richard shouldn’t be jealous. How da-ya’ alls think Kathy and Psycho Joe plus Teresa learned to have sex? They had to learn to play the Banjo at home with each other. YEEEHAAAWWW!!!! Play the Banjo Joe! What’s up with all this inbred shit? It’s fucking disturbing.

Caroline, Jacqueline, Lauren the Manzo brothers, Greg all arrive and are confused. And for a minute think they may be at Teresa’s house. But quickly realize they are at Melissa’s house, who is just now coming down the stairs (with no underwear) and the microphone in her hand, to give some speech about how much she is hiding her whale tail or some shit. Thank God she didn’t start singing.

Albie also gets his own kind of confused when he sees the gambling and thinks he is at the Bellagio. Pobrecito! He shouldn’t drop acid anymore.

Teresa is getting food when Kathy comes up to her to say hello and “nice to see you,” remember when you me and Psycho Joe had that Banjo Trio jam session and the next day we were all not virgins anymore? But Teresa isn’t too happy and snaps at Kathy (this is after she told Barney Devito to walk away from drama ok) and says “Now, it’s nice to see me!”. Kathy gets all pissed and runs over to her butch sister (she was at the Banjo Trio also) to cry about what a “fucking bitch!” Teresa is. Then, she runs to the bathroom to lock herself in there with her husband Richard who advices her to get back out there and “fucking rip her a new asshole right now!” meanwhile he is going to get some matches because ” if you want I’m going to burn this whole fucking place down”. Yeah, he is a real level headed guy.

Because these people can’t have a party without starting some kind of shit drama. Melissa’s brother-in-law (the other Joe) stumbles up to Barney Devito and demands the money he owes him for fixing his AC and drunken slurs at Barney Devito WHERE’S MY MONEY BITCH! (this is Lyssas’s husband, the same drunken doofus from the Christening that said Barney Devito owed him money) Barney Devito is appalled that some drunken fool is accusing him of owing him money, but surprisingly walks away. Meanwhile Teresa is complaining to Melissa that this drunken asshole is harassing Barney Devito for money. Like a miracle of Jesus’s Birthday Melissa walks up to her bro-in-law and tells him to cut the shit even his wife tells him to quit his drunken crap and leave Barney Devito alone who will talk to him later about this thousand dollars situation in the middle of the woods somewhere.

I have a feeling that after Lyssa scolded her drunken husband she was high five-ing his ass because they are auditioning to be on this low brow show so that they can embarrass themselves some more, with the hopes to make their storyline about Barney Devito owing the other Joe this money and dragging this throughout the season. How exciting!

The best part of this clusterfuck of crazy was when Kim Granny Panties shows up with a surprise party crasher in-tow Monica Chacon.This is the bitch that just days before this party takes place, got the verbal bitch slap from Teresa when the bitch went off on her with the wrath of King Kong right there at the courtroom in front of God and everybody. Monica Chacon was married to Teresa’s husband’s, partner’s lawyer. Yeah, I was lost there too.

Kim Grany-Tell walks in with her usual air of arrogance and her I do what I want evil grin. Her and her unwelcome guest decide to rub it in by toasting to “People learning to control themselves.” Yeah because you know damn well those two bitches KNOW Teresa is unable to control her cave-woman instinct from taking over and will more than likely chase Monica Chacon with her pounding club while yelling PROSTITUTION WHOAARRRAAA!!! And those bitches are hoping and praying to get Teresa lured into their trap and pounce on Monica Chacon while Monica and and Kim Granny-Tell stand there acting like they didn’t do anything and Monica looks like the victim. Is this Monica bitch hoping Bravo would pick her ass up also? If she is a lawyer wouldn’t she know better than to show up at a party to antagonize a ghetto bitch with a hair trigger that she is already fighting with? Isn’t that against “ethnics” like Teresa’s dumbs ass would say? WTF? Really?

You know, sometimes watching this show scares me because I start wondering about humanity. I mean really? I thought people that were lawyers would know better than that, and conduct themselves a certain way by avoiding possible altercations with hood rats, but this bitch showing up at a party where she KNOWS she is not welcome because a possible brawl can occur as the result of her presence, plus befriending Kim G seems really unprofessional, stupid and very hood-ratty of her. Like she just wants to start the shit some dumb-ass teenager punk would start for shits and giggles by getting some bitch with a hair trigger all riled up and people are supposed to go to her with their legal problems? I hope if I ever need a lawyer I hope I do not get someone like this Chacon bitch with her twisted leanings. I mean really? What would this bitche’s legal advice be if I was trying to put a restraining order on someone and they were at a party that I was NOT invited nor welcome to would she legally advice me to go to the party and ”fucking rip her a new asshole right now!”.

When Teresa finds out that Monica Chacon has arrived with Kim G she freaks out, and warns Melissa and her brother Psycho Joe that they better throw that bitch out on her ass because if they don’t Teresa will go apeshit on her, and they don’t want that.

Since Melissa has worked so hard on this Melissa’s Jesus’s Birthday Bash that she even paid extra to keep fugly people out and her chones off so she doesn’t end up pissing off Jesus because his party got ruined, her and Psycho Joe actually do the right thing and state that they draw the line at people talking smack about Teresa’s money problems because since they are family they can fight with Teresa and have all kind’s of ongoing brawls, (that’s what Christening’s are for) but outsider people can’t (I guess they are all thick as thieves like that) and surprisingly Melissa takes Teresa’s side and asks Kim G, calmly to get the fuck out and take Monica Chacon with her. But since this is Kim Granny-Tell they are talking to, instead of shutting her trap, taking Monica with her, and getting the fuck out with no arguments, she instead stands there and starts haggling as if she was at the swap meet buying underwear because this is how this bitch rolls.

Melissa and Joe tell her punk ass again and again to leave and take that bitch with her, bitch starts getting louder, yelling and arguing then, she stands there and says with her evil grin that Monica is ”not afraid of Teresa”. Like a miracle of Christmas their response to Kim G was, Bitch I don’t give a shit it’s not about her not being afraid of Teresa, GET THE FUCK OUT AND TAKE THAT BITCH WITH YOU! The bitch wouldn’t listen but Psycho Joe and Melissa stuck to their guns. What part of GET OUT and take THAT BITCH with you don’t you understand? What is your major malfunction do I have to punch you in the tumor hole in your head? WTF?!!

Monica steps in the conversation and tries to get sympathy from Joe and Melissa by saying that Teresa has made her life hell for three years and that’s why she is here starting this shit because she is the bigger educated lawyer and classy like that. WHAT? Surprisingly none of this stupid spewage fazes the Gorgas and again they tell her SO WHAT BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT!! OUT!!

Did it cross this hag’s mind that she looked like a stupid asshole standing there next to loony ass Kim G begging these people if she could stay to antagonize cave-woman? If that woman was my lawyer I would fire her ass like yesterday for stupid shit like that.

Jacqueline and Caroline are standing around and Jacqueline tells Kim G to cut her shit. Finally Melissa has to drag Monica out and the bitch leaves. Like I said it was a fucking miracle they stuck up for Teresa and Barney Devito and threw that bitch out. I guess there’s hope for this family of neanderthals to kiss and make up, but now that they made up the shit has to keep going by having another bitch to fight with so I think Bravo should just stick Kim G in this circus already she seems to love this bullshit like heroin to a junkie.

In the next episode it looks like Monica left and Kim Granny-Tell stayed (what a fucked up bitch she didn’t even leave with her unwelcome guest) I guess Kim Granny-Tell had to stay to keep the shit storm going and gets yelled at by Caroline who puts her in her place and the Manzo boys end up kicking her out when she gets up on their momma’s face. What a fucking mess wasn’t Chris like best friends with that bitche’s son? Now because of her raging Attention Whore Personality Disorder it looks like she is going to ruin her son’s friendship with Chris. What an asshole!

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap, It’s A Very Guido Christmas When The Drag Queens Come Out Of The Closet

admin — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 00:21:17 +0000

Jacqueline is getting ready for the holidays and has the whole family over including loud mouth and professional weave pulling daughter Ashley, who is now berating her mother for meddling into other bitches business (Gorga/Giudice feud). Yeeeaaaah, because Ashley always keeps out of drama! Plus why is she dressed like a Halloween pumpkin? I thought these are Christmas decorations they are making, not Halloween costumes.

God Mother Caroline is also getting ready for the Chrismasseses (misspelled on purpose!) and little Caroline (Lauren) is on ‘bitch mode’ because she now feels left out of her brothers click. More on that bitchiness later.

There is a creepy ass Christmas tree that looks like ’someone shot the Grinch’ I didn’t know Joker Face Staub died. But maybe it’s just her fifteen minutes of famewhoring that are dead.

Caroline finds out that ‘creepy’ Santa’s face got eaten by a baby Chupacabra and Albie is happy about that because now he can use mutilated Santa to send a message to the next idiot they’re gonna clip.

Melissa is having some music producers over to convince them she is the next Beyonce. Melissa starts to sing a song ‘Ala American Idol’ to impress the producers her ‘wretched’ ass gets a thumbs up from the producers (that Psycho Little Joey just wrote a check to). But she is still a day late and a dollar short so her ass better become a wedding singer or some shit. Maybe Godfather Al can book her at the Brownstoner for all the weddings, quinceaneras and Bar Mitzvah’s that go on there.

The ‘You’re an asshole’ music starts playing when the producers asks Melissa to put in fifteen hours a day and little Psycho Joe is not too happy about that shit because he is supportive of her delusional music aspirations, but still wants her to be barefoot and pregnant while holding a microphone. So Psycho Joe decides to make his basement /wine room into Melissa’s studio so he can lock her up. This way Melissa can hold a baby in one hand a microphone in the other and still breast-feed Psycho Joey while he fights baby Gorga for a nipple.

Teresa is wearing her Louboutin $1,000.00 dollars hooker boots to seduce Barney Devito because they are happy that they don’t hate each other and their ass is sitting on the floor since now their house has no furniture because of that little Grinch that stole it. And so they eat their 30 cent Top Ramen and ketchup on the floor. Then, they fart.

Teresa says that this has been a fucked up year. You know with the bankruptcy and all the lawsuits and all. So, this is the reason she goes out and buys thousand dollar boots! She doesn’t even buy furniture to replace the shitty furniture that’s missing! Teresa rather sit on the floor with her nice thousand dollar boots than have a table to fuck on.

On this episode Teresa addresses the fraud lawsuit her husband Barney Devito Giudice got slammed with. His ex-partner accuses him of forging his signature on some documents and Barney Devito believes it was some Nacho Midget dressed like Barney Devito that can write like Barney Devito that did it. Teresa believes and supports her husband’s explanation.

Next Kathy and her husband Richie attempt to purchase a funeral parlor restaurant and come across some huge venue that’s way out of their prize range. They are introduced to the person selling the restaurant who takes them on a tour. Richie admits that he doesn’t have the money to buy this huge restaurant and the owner of the restaurant gets pissed off because these low renters are wasting his time so he tells them that if they find someone to lend them money to call him back and he says it all attitudy too!

So Kathy and Richie crawl their sorry asses over to the Brownstoner to asks the God Father for some money to invest in their new venture and the God Father’s answer was: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! No really it was, I’m not making it up this time.

Did ya all notice how pissed off Kathy was when big Al laughs? And she rolls her eyes. Then, the God Father straight up tells them they don’t know what the hell they are getting into and he is not lending them money for some stupid bullshit restaurant that would end up going bankrupt anyways, and if he not stupid enough to give Christopher money for a Putana-carwash (that never happened, thank God!) then he is not stupid enough to give them money for a restaurant because just like he didn’t want to end up washing cars topples at Christopher’s car wash he doesn’t want to end up washing dishes at these fucktards future failed restaurant.Then, he tells them the hounds are getting released in ten seconds and to get the fuck off his property and quit wasting his time. Damn no love for them. That sucks!

Psycho Joe Gorga is busy building away his wife’s tacky ‘gold’ studio so she can make ‘golden records’ while she makes Psycho Joe Lasagna. Joe says he will put his wife in a sound booth with mirrors so he can keep an eye on her, and make sure she is not getting out of line.

Lauren and Jacqueline show up to visit the Manzo brothers. Lauren says she hopes her brothers don’t have any bitches over tonight. BECAREFUL GREG! Christopher and Albie are hanging out at their new swanky pad and of course their house bitch Greg is there also. Greg has now been promoted to little sister because Lauren was demoted to bitchy bitch. Lauren is pissed off about getting replaced by Greg and decides she wants to get into a cat fight with him over her brothers. Then, she starts crying and Jacqueline hugs her, but her brothers and new little sister Greg roll up their eyes at Lauren for being so ridiculous. Albie says he is glad to have Greg as a friend because at least he can’t date Lauren. But he can date him BUA HA HA HA!!!! If Albie came out of the closet, in that way I would love him forever. But I doubt it, I think I’m getting my hopes up.

Because Lauren has a little bitch crying fit over being replaced by Greg, Albie decides to give her an early Christmas present and hands her a key to the apartment so she can come over anytime. Greg is not happy, what if she opens the door when they are all having ‘naked ham throwing night?.’ HUH?

Jacqueline visits Kim Granny-Tell because that bitch has a lot of gossip and Kim shows off her new chandelier that she will use to hang from after she does her special Granny Panties Pole Special. However, when Kim tells Jacqueline about the heap of gossip she has on Teresa Jacqueline yells at her to ’shut the fuck up! BITCH!’

We also find out (according to Kim) that she had a brain tumor and that’s why she’s so crazy. I knew that bitch had a hole in her head!

Kim thinks that Teresa doesn’t like her and that’s why she is always going after her, but Jacqueline explains it’s because her saggy ass is an easy target for clowning, specially when she is trying to polish the pole with her granny panties. TRUE!

At the Manzo boys apartment Lauren can’t find a marker to put her brother’s names on the Christmas stockings so she will use red crushed pepper and Caroline says it’s a ‘very Guido Christmas’.

The green feather Christmas tree is freaking Albie out, and I don’t blame him that shit looks like a dead bird that was dipped in a pool of green Kool Aid and became road kill. Horrible!

Greg tries to be nice and suggest that they all go somewhere including Lauren. Like a little bitch Lauren snaps at Greg I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY, DON’T INCLUDE ME IN YOUR SHIT BITCH! Then she bitches over something stupid about how the other night her brothers made dinner with Greg and she wasn’t even invited, although Lauren lives almost an hour away and calling her every time they boil water to make Cup Of Noodles would be stupid just so that she can drive for one hour. The God Mother tells Lauren she’s been an ‘unreasonable’ asshole and should go hang out with Ashley and ‘get a hobby’ practicing how to become a future Real House Skank instead of worrying over what the heck her brothers are doing all day.

Jacqueline prepares for her party and is worried the tables will fight back because she knows that Psycho Joe also likes to bang on tables and let’s not forget Teresa and her table flipping skills. Jacqueline’s parents want to ad more alcohol to the drinks that will be served that night so that hopefully another brawl will break out.

This episode was filmed at the time Teresa and Barney Devito had to go to court for Barney Devito’s fraud charges. And while in the car when Teresa is berating Barney Devito to ‘keep it classy’, he tells her to shut up like three times. But later she keeps it classy when she goes and tells this woman Monica Chacon (who happens to be her husbands ex-partners lawyer’s wife) to quit talking shit about her or some table flipping is gonna go down. Teresa says she did it to ’silence the lamb’. The fuck?

Teresa and Barney Devito show up and Teresa is clad in her best cave-woman fur. Melissa and Psycho Joe arrive and Melissa is also wearing her cave-woman Jr. fur coat.

Why did Bravo have to make me throw up a little bit in my mouth? Notice how when Psycho Joe showed up they cut to Teresa who tells him he looks thin or some shit and she feels his chest? Then they cut to Barney Devito who is looking pissed and jelaous that Teresa is complementing her brother? Then Lauren gives her 2-cents on Melissa and basically just says that Melissa is a younger cuter version of Teresa and that the 2 bitches are fighting over Psycho Joe’s love! WHAT!? WHY!? WHY BRAVO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT THESE UNDERTONES OF INCESTS IN THIS BULLSHIT WHY!! I WAS FINE AND THEN YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT SHIT IN MY HEAD AND I HAVE A SICK HEAD TOO! Another blogger made the remark that Psycho Joe and Teresa are Banjo Players together. EEEEWWWW!!!!! I sure in fuck hope they are NOT!!! Click here to read that post. I hope Lauren never ever ever says any shit like that again. I would never compete for my brothers love with his wife. Please! Last time I saw that punk I was glad he was going home with his wife. No competing there.

While the little shindig is going on at Jacqueline’s everyone has this air of fake forced smiles and you can tell they are all uncomfortable too! The air is very uptight and quiet specially right after Barney Devito and Teresa show up and everyone is looking at Teresa and Barney Devito like they farted and are embarrassed for them because that’s the day Teresa confronted Monica Chacon in the court hallway and in all her cave-woman glory made an ass of herself by damn near getting into a fist fight with the other woman . When Barney is explaining Teresa’s latest stunt of crazy to the other men laugh nervously.

Everyone continues pretending they all love each other and that they are all going to have a lot of fun. Melissa and Psycho Joe get introduced to the Manzo’s and Greg. Psycho Joe immediately eyeballs Greg because he is a ‘tall guy!’. As the night progresses and everyone gets drunker Psycho Joe gets dared on a dare to flap his crusty ‘balls’ inside Jacqueline’s hoochie casino hooker outfit.

The very daring Psycho Joe jumps to the chance of wearing Jacqueline’s outfit to impress and seduce sexy tall Greg and Greg says that this ‘has become a regular Friday night ‘ you know with the ‘drag queen’ Psycho Joe coming out of the closet an all. Teresa is getting jealous and sees that Melissa and Psycho Joe may have a chance at a threesome with tall sexy gay Greg so she tries to put the moves on him and tries to seduce him to a threesome with her husband Barney Devito who is also eyeballing Greg. But fails. Melissa announces she will be throwing a party and everyone is invited including Greg because her and Psycho Joe like him. Melissa and Psycho Joe need to both come out of the closet already specially Psycho Joe, that boy’s been dressing like a woman ever since the season started and every time there is an opportunity to dress like a bitch he jumps on it with his high heels on. What a bunch of fun fucktards they are!

Real Housewives Of New Jersey The Brownstone Goes Up In Flames But The Party Must Go On

admin — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 21:53:37 +0000

Apparently last night the famous Brownstone went up in flames and it took the firemen 2 hours to contain the fire. Caroline Manzo was out partying today and walking the red carpet with her sons and tweeting about what a good time she’s having plus she didn’t seem concerned about the fire she was more concerned about her boys leaving the nest and about how the men are the drama-bitches this season. From Eonline:

Although the Brownstone went up in flames on Tuesday night, and the fire took two hours to contain, Caroline and her sons Albie and Chris stillwalked the carpet at Samsung Hope for Children Gala in NYC.

“A lot of the action is with the men by themselves, and it adds an interesting dynamic to the show,” she told us last night.

The Manzo matriarch admits she’s having a tough time with her sons leaving the family home as well.

“You know, you have Jacqueline [Laurita] struggling with her issues with Ashley and my boys moving out,” she dished.

After tweeting throughout the night about the “inspiring” event and John Legend’s performance, she finally gave a digital dispatch that all was well at the family restaurant.

“Thanks for your concern everyone @thebrownstonenj fire is contained no injuries back to business!” she posted.

Thanks to cparkeast for the headsup.

Mama Giudice Was The One Who Started The Christening Brawl

admin — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 20:07:30 +0000

It seems that it wasn’t Barney Devito the one that threw the first punch during the Christening brawl 2010. It was abtually mama Giudice!

Yep, Barney Devito’s mama is the one that went chola ape shit on Melissa Gorga, by throwing her feces at her and then all hell broke loose. I love it when old ladies that are like 70 years old still like to scrap like they’re 17!

Now we know were Barney gets his ape-shitness from. Apparently the turd doesn’t fall far from the asshole.

Here is the original article from Radaronline:

In a shocking development, RadarOnline.com has learned Teresa Giudice’s macho husband Joe wasn’t the one who put up his dukes first during the big brawl with his brother-in-law over the weekend. It was his mom!

“There were no punches thrown other than by Joe Giudice’s parents,” a source, who was at the baptism reception in New Jersey, told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

It all started at a baptism reception for the son of newest cast members Joey and Melissa Gorga. Joey’s sister happens to be veteran housewife Teresa Giudice, who approached the Gorgas to congratulate them. Later, a verbal and physical argument ensued involving brother-in-laws Joey Gorga and Joe Giudice.

“There were rumors that Joe Giudice hit Joey Gorga and it’s not true. He did try to swing at him but there were too many people holding them back so they couldn’t get to each other,” the eyewitness said. “Joe did not hit Joey Gorga.”

Another source said Joe’s mom picked up an object and came after Melissa and her sisters. The source added that the husband of one of the sisters was also punched. “He’s okay,” the source said.

Others have also agreed the altercation was “definitely” the Giudices’ fault. “It was disgusting,” another eyewitness told RadarOnline.com.

“We were all having a good time, it was beautiful, and all hell broke loose,” the eyewitness said. “It got very uncomfortable and dangerous and we all left. It was a blatant disregard for children. It was just crazy, from the language to the gestures, the breaking of glass, cameras being smashed.”

Eyewitnesses suggested that Teresa instigated an argument and was jealous of all the attention on her brother and sister-in-law, which was caught on camera for the next season of the Bravo reality show.

“All eyes were not on Teresa and it was obvious she couldn’t handle it.

“It wasn’t about her. She acted as plastic and fake as she normally was and she had her edge her way in there. She was warned to take her seat and she kept insisting and antagonizing.”

The violent outburst led most of the guests to leave, taking their gifts even before cake was served, RadarOnline.com reported.

The New Jersey Housewives On South Park Are Muff Cabbages!

admin — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 05:02:07 +0000

It’s a Jersey Thing
Tags: SOUTH
PARK Randy Marsh,Eric Cartman,more…

You know you’re a real celebrity and it’s an honor when South Park is making fun of your ass. Teresa Giudice, Barney Devito, Joker Face, Jacqueline and even the God Mother got clowned on by South Park. Even the fuckers from Jersey Shore were on there .

The bastards from South Park are genius they really captured the essence of Teresa’s crazy at the table flipping party. And the cartoons of Snooki and Joker Face looked just like them. Genius just fucking geniuses those bastards are, God Bless them!

This was by far the funniest episode that South Park ever made. Congrats to all the House Skanks from New Jersey and all the losers from Jersey Shore for reaching true celebrity status by getting clowned on by South Park . Click here for the full episode.

Who Is Teresa Giudice’s Nephew? And Who Is Tara G?

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:36:43 +0000

That dried up lizard Joker Face sure knows how to push Teresa’s buttons in order to make her go Teresa Ape Shit on her ass. Not even a minute or 2 after the reunion of these mafia ho’s started. Joker Face made a comment to Teresa about not acknowledging her ‘Nephew’ . And Teresa was ready to rip Joker Face a new asshole. Teresa then got up and went up on Joker Face’s mug and yelled ‘YOU WILL NEVER BREAK UP MY FAMILY!’ .Interesting. Teresa was so ragingly pissed off, bitch went into full blown The Incredible Hulk mode. She even send her boss Mr Bravo Andy Cohen fliyng into a couch like a little bitch.

I’ve noticed everytime that Joker Face calls out Teresa on shit that Teresa is trying to hide , ’cause she don’t wanna look stupid. Teresa loses her shit. Like when she flipped her lid over the ‘Foreclosure’ comment Joker Face made at her at the Country Club. This time the ‘Nephew’ comment sent her off into planet of the Apes Mode.

Have ya’ all noticed during this reunion the comments these bitches make to each other tell us there is more behind the cameras that we don’t know about? But want to know about? Joker Face is a dirty ass snake and knows how to manipulate stupid Teresa in order to make her lose her shit making Joker Face look like a victim. The weird but fascinating blog ‘Absurd to Sublime’ posted some juicy rumors about Barney Devito and his mistress Tara G. Who knows if it’s true!

Well folks, I have learned from an unimpeachable anonymous source that Joe Giudice has a girlfriend named Tara G. Danielle found her because she hired a private investigatorand had the Manzo’s and the Giudices followed.

Tara G., by the way, is not exactly hiding out. She attends parties and actually displays pictures of her and Joe together. She also has pictures of a baby, whether or not this is Joe’s offspring is unknown. Tamra Barney, if you recall, was in town to tape “ Watch what Happens, Live ” with Andy Cohen that night and they all went to dinner together. My source tells me Tara met Joe later that same night.

Supposedly Joker Face hired a private investigator and had the Giudice’s and Manzo’s followed. Tara G drives a Volvo wears designer gowns and attends parties . She also brags that Barney is her boyfriend and displays pictures of him and a baby she has . Who knows if this is Barney’s kid with Tara. There is rumors that Barney supports her.

Could this be why Teresa was about to rip Joker Face’s asshole through her mouth? Maybe Teresa being the good Catholic mafia wife that she is, just looks the other way but doesn’t want the rest of the world who watches her in her fishbowl embarrassing life, to find out about Tara and Barney’s affair, or that would bring down the happy crappy facade she is being trying to sell us and embarrass the Beejebuz out of her? Could this be why with each passing episode Barney just seemed more and more irritated with Teresa, that he even started acting as if he is disgusted with her by going as far as threatening to kick her ass? Could this be why Teresa was always mentioning how Barney and her have lots of sex and why she was always asking him to kiss her and spank her and constantly asks him if he loves her all desperate and shit? Could it be because she is afraid she lost him to his mistress Tara? Could the ‘Nephew’ be Barney’s love child with Tara and that’s why Teresa yelled that remark about Joker Face breaking up Teresa’s family?

Later on today Teresa went into a desperate attempt to explain why she went total ape shit. But really doesn’t explain much. She pretty much just says that Joker Face was digging up shit on her by contacting her immediate family and then spreading rumors that weren’t true. Sooo if they weren’t true then why doesn’t she explain why the nephew comment made her start pounding her chest like King Kong? Here read the interview and tell me what ya’ alls think:

Guidice, 38, explains in her latest Bravo blog.

In April, Guidice welcomed a healthy and “beautiful” nephew (not Jacqueline Laurita’s baby; they aren’t related).

When Staub, 48, accused Guidice of not acknowledging his birth, Guidice says she initially was confused.

“I had no idea what she was talking about because I WAS there [at the hospital],” she writes. “But then I realized what she was saying – that she had been digging around my extended family and trying to find dirt on me and defame them. And I just had it. I will not stand for that (or sit still anyway).”

Staub knows how to push buttons, says Guidice, and that remark did it.

“Who would sit back and let someone spew lies about their family on national television?” she asks.

“She spends her time running around town trying to dig up dirt about all of us. And then she spits it back at you when you least expect it,” adds Guidice. “It’s ALWAYS lies, but it’s shocking to hear because she’s letting you know she’s talked to people in your life. It would make anyone crazy.”

She apologizes for shoving host Andy Cohen– “my natural reaction to try and shake people off when they’re holding me back,” she says — and insists she’d never lay a finger on Staub. Says Guidice, “She’s just not worth it, she’s sue happy, and it’s what she wants.”

But she isn’t sorry for screaming.

Says the mother of four, “I am a screamer. I can’t help it and I do own it. I’m just very vocal when I’m mad. I’m Italian and I live in New Jersey. We cook big, we love big, we laugh big, and we scream big. At least I do anyway. It’s who I am and I’m not going to change for anyone, especially not cameras.”

Sooo that still doesn’t explain why she went nut bags over the ‘Nephew’ comment. Reality Tea was saying earlier that there was a rumor that Teresa has a nephew who is half African American and that Joker Face heard that Teresa and her Italian family didn’t want to accept the baby, for being of mixed race . But later on that rumor was shut down to just being a rumor. I don’t know but I think there is more shit to come out .

The Real Ghetto House Skanks Of New Jersey Get Banned From Country Club

admin — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 04:18:55 +0000

Why I am not surprised? I knew this was coming next. Apparently the Country Club were the Big Weave-Off fiasco of 2009 took place, wasn’t very pleased with these bitches truck driver, ghetto skank, shenanigans after receiving letters from current members asking them what the fuck is wrong with them letting these gutter tramps film their loud ass monkey performances there.

As matter of fact after receiving these complaint letters from their members, the people that run the Country Club became so embarrassed and mortified that this took place in their fine establishment; that they send the letter below to all the members of the Country Club apologizing profusely for their ignorance of ’the true nature of the TV show’ because they don’t watch these low brow reality TV shows. And also promising that they will never fuck up like this, ever again. Possibly by making sure the Country Club organizers watch ghetto ass reality TV shows as part of their job.

’Cause you know damn well, if they were people like us that watch these shows they would of known not to allow Bravo there with those cameras and the shit circus that comes with it. So it’s good to watch these shows , see? Not only do these shows teach you HOW NOT TO ACT they also keep you informed, so if you’re ever some person with a fancy-pants job at at Country Club and Bravo ever asked you to film these skanks you would know better and tell them to fuck off. See we learn something new everyday.

The people who run the Country Club explain in the letter below, that they don’t watch ‘The Housewives’ and had no clue as to the low budget, scandalous, trailer park, chola shenanigans these bitches like to pull and express remorse for ever letting Bravo film their trash show at that Country Club. They also say that none of the House-Skanks of NJ belong to the Country Club nor represent the fine rich folk of New Jersey. That’s hilarious. Here these bitches are always trying to make it seem like they’re the shit and the ‘creme de la creme’ of the town they live at, but in reality all these Faux-Housewives are the ass end of their town’s joke. How sad.

Thanks to my reader Robin for the link.

Click the letter below 3 times to enlarge:

Joker Face Gets The Boot From Bravo

admin — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 13:25:12 +0000

Miss Andy Cohen finally got sick of this ho’ and kicked her to the curb. Joker Face is trying to deny that she was fired by Bravo and typed on her Twitter account: “Actually, I’m not even thinking about season 3 right now…I am considering many incredible options that have been presented to me.”. But Danny a source told E news that she was in fact canned by the network.

Here is the original article:

It’s no secret that we were big fans of the Real Housewives of New Jersey right out of the Garden State gate. But, like many, they lost us for much of season two because of all the attention given to Danielle Staub and her crazy behavior.

So we are happy to report Bravo is saying goodbye to the show’s resident prostitution whore Scores-loving vixen.

“If there is a season three, Danielle will not be back,” a source says.

Danielle recently told celebrity tabloid Life & Style, which first reported she got the boot, that she was in talks for a spinoff.

Not so fast, Ms. Staub.

“She is not getting her own show,” our source said. “Danielle must practice The Secret because she believes if she says something and puts it out there that it will become true. There’s no way it’s going to happen.”

As for the troublemaker herself? “Actually, I’m not even thinking about season three right now as I am considering many incredible options that have been presented to me,” said Staub via her rep. “Don’t worry next year, I’ll still be the one you either love to hate or hate to love”

A rep for Bravo declined to comment on Danielle’s future with the show: “We haven’t announced anything regarding a third season.” Danielle, however, was a part of an explosive reunion, which will air in two parts on Aug. 30 and Sept. 6.

With Danielle’s departure, does that mean Dina will return? The feisty Manzo sister left the show because she had enough of Danielle’s drama.

Come on back, Dina. We’ve missed you.

Bravo just like everyone else got sick and tired of this bitches bullshit . I am telling you, there is not one sane person in this world that would put up with this bitches demands and various shenanigans. I cannot even imagine the bullshit she must put people through. Either they canned her because of her trying to sue the other ho’s or because she was going around trying to have her own show behind Bravo’s back. Either way it sounds like Miss Andy was probably waiting for some good excuse to send this bitch on a long walk along a short pier.

Big Weddings For Mini-Divas In Training/Granny Chases Joker Out Of Restaurant

admin — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 06:39:50 +0000

We start out at the Brownstone. Doesn’t that building look like it’s haunted? Maybe the Ghost Hunters should investigate with the NJ ho’s here too. So Teresa and Barney Devito show up at the Brownstone to meet with Christopher. He is giving them a tour of the Brownstoner’s dance hall were the mini-wedding for little Audrina is going to take place. Teresa starts demanding some ice sculpture bullshit. Watch Barney Devito’s face. That fool looks nervous. I hope Bravo is footing the bill because if they ain’t and Barney has to stiff them, Teresa and the Manzo sisters won’t be family anymore. From the looks of Barney Devito he may be the sucker that’s gonna have to pay this bill. Teresa doesn’t give 2 shits how Barney is nervous about footing this big ole’ bill. The God Mother says that Teresa wants what she wants, when she wants and who gives a shit if Barney don’t like it.

Teresa demands two eight feet tall ice sculptures. A super-tacky-lus one in the shape of a cross. And the other one with Audrina’s name on it. Teresa says that she can tell Barney is a little nervous but she could give a rats ass as long as she gets her ‘Big Fat Obnoxious Italian Christening Party’ . Even if it kill’s Barney and destroys her friendship with the Manzo’s since they gonna pay them with rubber checks an’ all. Then she has the nerve to say that she used to be able to spend what she wanted when she wanted it. But now Barney tells her ‘Don’t spend a lot of money!’ Well DUH! She bankrupt his ass! Maybe Teresa’s new saying should be ‘Happy Wife Broke For Life!’. What a dumb ass!

After that Teresa says she misses Dina and it’s all Joker Face’s fault she left. But in this episode Dina will make an appearance as baby-Audrina’s God Mother. I guess they must not see each other when the cameras are off. Teresa gives Christopher a list of endless demands and all the crazy bullshit she wants to take place in the ‘Circus’ that Christopher has to put together for her. (Right now he stopped being the Court Jester for a minute since he has his suit on and is doing business right now). This circus of insanity will include all the clowns from Cirque Di Solei and the Blue Men group. Also bitches dressed in Mary Antoinette-drag whoring costume with sushi skirts. Plus Nacho midgets . Yeap for this Christening, Teresa decides she wants to have two Nacho Leprechaun Midgets fighting each other in a tub full of Corona beer. I don’t even know where that came from I thought it was an Italian wedding.

Barney Devito tells Christopher to make the party nice. But not too nice. Meaning he would like him to use plastic cups instead of glass for the wine. And for the sushi use spam instead of actual sushi. Everyone will be drunk so they can’t tell the difference. Besides it’s not like Teresa would know the difference even if she were sober during this party. But we all know she is going to be hammered anyways.

Joker Face got all paranoid about her daughter Christine having sex with boys. Joker Face believes in her psychotic little head she is being the very best mother she can be . By embarrassing her daughter Christine and taking her to the free VD clinic, with a full crew of camera men filming her first OBYGN visit for the world to see as part of her birthday present . And also to embarrassed the piss out of her, so she will feel so embarrassed by visiting a male OBGYN doctor that she may never want to have sex EVER.

While Joker Face and Christine wait in the lobby she starts asking Christine crazy questions about her sexual life. Joker Face goes on a ‘Creeping’ rampage at Christine when she asks her if she is a ‘Good girl’. Even the poor fucking nurse at the lobby looked uncomfortable. Joker Face says that growing up she never had a mom she can talk to or relate to. I guess when Pimp Daddy Shagswell, was back hand bitch slapping her dumb ass for catching herpeys, it didn’t count as having a mom to relate to. This is back when she was Christine’s age.

Joker Face arrange for the doctor to give Christine a shot of some anti VD medicine to keep her from catching some nasty ass , raunchy venereal shit called HPV. The doctor says having a mom like Joker Face who is the town whore. He has no doubt, that Christine is being exposed to parades of all kinds of colorful yet creepy horny, characters whom she will finally end up having sex with. Joker Face says that she wants her daughter to have, that shot of anti- VD shit injected in her arm immediately because once you have some nasty radioactive herpes it’s too late . Joker Face is speaking from experience here.

Joker Face asks the doctor all worried. And she wasn’t worried because of Christine: ‘Can you catch that VD from oral sex and farting? Since I will be doing a lot of that, in the sex videos I been shooting in my kitchen after having my broccoli and onions. The doctor tells her he can tell just by looking at her, that she has all kinds of scary genital warts and corpse crotch from all the questionable action she hooks up with. Joker Face was worried as fuck. The doctor says ‘The problem with HPV is there is no itching, burning there’s no sores’ While the doctor is describing all this crap, Joker Face looks all worried and Christine is laughing then she pats her mom in the back. Because she knows Joker Face is got a guilty look on her face because she already caught all those bullshit VD’s. And then some.

Joker Face tells her daughter that sex is gross . Because that’s what the last John she was with told her.Then she asks Christine in a worried guilt ridden transparent tone ‘Why are you tapping me for I don’t date’. Well Bitch is right she don’t date she just fucks. A date would consist of dinner and a movie not broccoli with trailing onion farts and a video in some gas station bathroom at a truck stop, while she blow jobs the glory hole. The poor doctor looked all uncomfortable because he knows about Joker Face prostitution whoring porn video shenanigans. Everybody knows about that shit. Christine says ‘These conversations are a blast!’.

This episode must of being the one dedicate to ridiculous embarrasing mothers. Because next we see Kim Granny Tell in her basement visiting her son John G and Christopha ‘The Court Jester’. Who are playing some pool peacefully. That is, until she shows up trying to brive The Court Jester with some popcorn, to set up a play date between her and The God Mother. Because Kim Granny Tell knows that she is about to dump cript creeper, asshole Joker Face. And she desperately needs to sink her Freddy Krueger claws in one of the other ho’s, to keep getting camera time. Since she hasn’t gotten attention ever since that one day when, John G’s dad stopped having sex with her and talking to her 27 years ago. Then he moved out of that mansion to get away from her. Her poor son John G is rolling up his eyes and all embarrassed and about to shit himself of embarrassment. He finally understands why his dad ran away.

Next is Faux-Bulous Teresa and her mini divas, a gross shirt-less pissed off Barney Devito and a lot of Christening party extravaganza. Teresa is getting her little divas ready for the shing dig. And she also starts rubbing lotion on Barney Devito’s face to moisturize him. But he don’t like that shit and tells her to cut it out or he is gonna’ Kick her ass!’ And he says it in front of her family too. But it looks like it is not the first time. I wonder if he acts on it, or is just talk. Teresa’s dad mad dog’s Barney some dirty looks.

Teresa is all over the place taking pictures. She hired ass loads of photographers and video graphers to capture all of all about Teresa baby Audrina’s Christening. And Barney Devito isn’t too happy . He feels broke just standing there. He was about to take that lady’s camera shut it off and send her home for the day. So it stop costing him. Teresa kept insisting on taking more pictures and Barney ran away from her like he was running from the Bubonic plague. I remember seeing these particular pictures of this ho’ and her husband and they looked like forced smiles he looked pissed I remember thinking that.

Beautifull Dina arrives and the bitch is wearing a pretty dress I would wear. She is cute, I miss looking at her hippie ass with her peace and love and fugly ass, hairless cats.

Barney keeps being ‘Grumpy’ and yelling at Teresa for stupid shit. Teresa shows Barney this little Gucci shoes that Dina bought the baby. But Barney don’t give a shit.

Then Dina gets to dress the baby from head to toe because is some Italian catholic ritual. And Teresa starts baptizing the baby hoping they can skip the church baptizing part and skip right to the party and the booze. Dina tells her that’s the priests job and they must keep in line with Italian tradition.

The baby’s God Father is not Dina’s husband. I thought God Mothers and God Fathers have to be married. More pictures are taken this time they focus on Baby Audrina surrounded by Teresa Dina, Barney and the baby’s God Father . Teresa wants to take like 47 more pictuers of her and Barney Devito with the baby. But Barney snaps at her some more, because he has a giant dry bugger up his nose .

While driving in their big gas gussling SUV. Barney scolds Teresa and tells her he hates it, when she throws parties.Then he points at the 5 dollar shoe store and tells Teresa that’s where her broke ass is shopping from now on. No more Gucci shoes. Bitch better get ready to shop at the 99 cent store too. Then she says some ignorant shit like, ‘Before you never knew how much I pay for parties, I just used to write the checks’. And then he told her that’s why she don’t have a checkbook no more because now he knows why they’re broke. Barney must be acting all angry during all these coming up episodes because he knows he looks like a fool in front of God and everyone else and their momma because he knew all this shit was going to hit the fan and it’s only a matter of time.

Teresa pleads to Barney that she wants more pictures. Barney tells her not to make it all day because the light hurts his eyes and after a while he is ‘Like King Kong!’ and starts going crazy. I gues that means he is going to grab a hold of Teresa and climb to the top of the Brownstoner while carrying her on his back and pounding his chest . Then he is gona leave her up there so she’ll stop spending. Teresa’s monkey ass would climb down thought and find a way to bounce of the ground, the same way she can bounce a check. With her cavewoman ninja skills.

Joker Face love smooches Kim G . She even hits on her because Kim G is a rich bitch. An of course because she wants something. Joker Face asks Kim G to help her find her biological mother. This bitch whore just keeps stepping over the line doesn’t she? Why would she want to disturb some poor old woman who would end up killing her self if she found out the kind of devil spawn she unleashed into the world. Of course corpse crotch wants all of us to believe her mother was some Italian royalty who was impregnated by her lover the Pope who was murdered because they were in love. Yeap that’s a nice little fairy tale story Joker Face wants us all to believe. You just keep telling yourself that duffus. Her mom wasn’t no Italian princess who was pregnant by a Pope . But instead she was some biker chick from New Mexico, who had sex with a goat on top of a six pointed star during a full moon.

Next is little Audriana’s baptizm. Everyone shows up to church in their mafia Sunday best. The priest has his face blurred because he was told the type of reality low brow show this is. Lucky for Teresa baby Audriana is cute.

After that the reception for the Christening went on. Clowns, Nacho midgets and the Marie Antoinette sushi bitch plus all the food, booze that was flowing freely in fountains plus music and all the 600 guest were making Barney Devito pissed off. He felt like he was wasting money just standing there. And he was right.

Christopher was Teresa’s bitch for the night. He put on a faux boulous circus for Teresa. So she went up to him and molestered him.(Misspelled on purpose bitches!). She gets to do that too you know, because he was her bitch for the night. The God Mother says she is very proud of her Christopher. Yeah, but too bad they ain’t getting paid for this shit storm he put together to make Teresa happy. I wonder if Dina will still be Audrina’s God Mother when she don’t get her pay or she may just take the baby as form of payment. Since Audriana is half hers now.

Barney Devito and Teresa have a first dance with baby Audriana as part of their own crazy tradition. Jacquie starts hurling in her napkin. She tries to say she was crying from watching them dance because it was sweet or some shit like that.

Teresa tells Barney Devito this is their last Christening. Barney looks at her like whaa? because he wants her to keep farting kids out till’ she has a boy. Teresa tells Barney that if he wants her to keep farting out more little ones, they will have to do this big ass wedding circus Christening party all over again and if he doesn’t want that, he better quit making her have babies. Because she has a vagina not a clown car. Then he makes her drink some booze and says goodnight to her because he is leaving so he doesn’t have to see the bill that he is not gona pay. Plus he may go meet with someone.

Joker Face takes her daughters out for dinner. And while having dinner Christine makes the mistake to tell Joker Face that one of her friends told her that while Teresa was getting her unibrow waxed. She was talking about Joker Face’s life to the eyebrow waxing lady. And telling her shit about Joker Face looking for her biological mother. Joker Face gets all crazy and overreacts. She goes into gangster mode and steps outside to call her fuck boy, Angry Chihuahua Dog on crack Danny. He tells Joker Face he didn’t trust that saggy ass old bitch from the beggining and asks her if she wants him to kick her ass.She tells him they have to take Kim G out.

After watching Joker Face flip out. Christine regrets ever telling her about what she heard and says in a very regretful tone ‘Here we go again!’. While the little one Jillian just sits there rocking back and forth and hearing the premature gray hairs come out of her young head due to the overwhelming unecessary stress her and Christine deal with on a daily basis. Joker Face’s lame reason for getting pissed was because, that was something she was going to tell her daughters privately in front of a camera crew and everyone watching.

Just a minute ago Kim G was her lover. Now she wants to kill her. When the little one tells Joker Face that maybe someone overheard her. She snaps at her kids and tells them ‘ AW HELL NO!’ Then she calls Kim G a ‘FUCKING BITCH!’. Wow how quickly that bitch goes from cool to cunt in 1.5 seconds.

Christopher tells the God Mother about Kim G wanting to set up a play date. The God Mothers answer . HEll TO THE NO! IF IT AIN’T BROKE DON’T FIX IT!

The God Mother is a wise woman and doesn’t like to deal with bullshit shenanigans.

Right after that Kim G shows up to Jacquie’s house. She pushes her way into Jacquie’s house and starts pouring out a tirade about Joker Face being a ‘MOTHER FUCKER!’. Because she emailed people not to be friends with her. Jacquie gives Kim G a fucked up look and says, ‘What is this junior high!’. Jacquie says she is a little upset with Kim G after going to court to support Joker Face but that’s what she gets for being friends with Satan.

Stupid old Kim Granny Tell says that she was had. And Joker Face used her and as her little errand girl going on pharmacy trips for Joker Face’s kids for the venereal disease shots and picking up Joker Face’s tabs. Joker Face even abused Kim G’s driver. Jacqueline wanted to bust up and laugh because she tried to warn this stupid broad. Then she tells her she is a two faced old broad whom she can’t trust. Looks like Kim G burned all her bridges to get on this bullshit TV show.

Kim G says that Joker Face ‘Acts like an ass, an ass acts that way! You can’t reason with her!’ Well DUH! Then Jacqueline asks genious Kim G if maybe Joker Face figured out she is being friends with the other bitches. Kim G’s response is ‘She can fucking scratch my ass! I’m done with her!’

Joker Face says that Kim G. ‘SUCKED AS A FRIEND!’. Even thought Kim G was her errand bitch paying her tabs and letting her use her driver. That still wasn’t enough according to Joker Face. Methinks they both suck and are both equally psycho. Kim G is better at hiding her psychopath tendencies though.

Danny drops off Joker Face in front of some fancy restaurant where she is meeting Kim G for the big confrontation. Danny reminds Joker Face to keep her hands in her pocket don’t throw punches and kick Granny’s ass. Because that’s what he is there for. What is he gonna do? Beat Kim G up with her own granny-cane? Chihuahua on Crack better hope his probation officer doesn’t see this footage. It won’t look good on him.

After Joker Face gets dropped off she states that she feels sick to her stomach because this woman pretended to be her friend. Joker Face must be hitting the crack pipe very heavy. Not just because she looks like a sucked up piece of dry beef jerky. But also because she forgets when the cameras are on her recording everything that’s going on. She straight up lies about her daughter Christine and tells Kim Granny-Tell how Christine came to her all upset after she learned from the eye-wax lady that Joker Face was looking for her biological mother. From the way Christine acted she didn’t give a shit!

Joker Face proceeds to tell Kim G that she knows she talks to the other ho’s . Kim Granny-Tell admits it and says ‘ABSOLUTELY!’. She should of also admitted she will sleep with the Devil himself if it meant being on this cheesey TV show. Oh wait she did sleep with the Devil!

Joker Face wanted to rip Kim G’s Granny from Tweety bird face off. Doesn’t that bitch look like the Granny from Tweety bird? Specially with her hair up. Joker Face was all furious and starts bitching Granny out. Granny was making these ‘I don’t give a fuck bitch, your nasty cooch has been on film for all to see’ faces at the Joker. I was funny! Joker Face was all calling the other bitches ‘Animals’ and what not.

Kim G then lets loose when she tells Joker Face that all this bullshit ass beef is between the Joker and those other women. And Kim feels she should not be included in that mess. Kim G admits to Joker Face that Joker Face put her in uncomfortable situations. They show a brief flashback to when, Chihuahua on Crack and perol , was giving that trailer park boy performance at the Brownstoner when he was calling Albert a ‘Punk’ and calling Christopher a ‘Fag”. And Kim was all embarrassed and Joker Face was laughing. ‘Cause she is trailer park like that.

Kim G pretty much tells Joker Face that she is a low life . She is! But so is Kim G.

Joker Face gets all pissed and starts yelling at Kim G’ .’YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME IF YOU’RE GONNA BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!. The shit got all out of control and all the people that were having a nice meal at that restaurant were all looking. I bet they get banned from all those restarurants the way the Atlanta bitches did with all the wig pulling bullshit.

Kim responds by telling that bitch off ‘ YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SICK OF YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! I BEEN A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU, I GAVE YOU MY CHAUFFEAUR! Joker Face says to her ‘ You didn’t give me anything!’ Kim yells ‘YES I DID! YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR AN A SNEAK DANIELLE! Then she trows her napkin at Joker Face . I am surprised Joker Face didn’t get all bend out of shape and got on the phone and called the police on Kim for throwing that fucking napkin at her. I can just see her all crying and shit, saying that she got attacked by a loogie that was stuck to the napkin. Joker Face was all ‘DON’T THROW THINGS AT ME!’

Surprisingly Joker Face got her ass up and walked out of the restaurant. While Kim G walked behind her yelling at her bringing up all this shit she is helping her with like finding her biological mother and blah, blah, blah. I’m telling you her biological mother is gonna commit suicide when she finds out who her daughter is! Kim Granny Tell was all putting on an award winning Telenovela performance, all chasing Joker Face out of the restaurant while barking shit like : ’ YOU’RE NOT A FRIEND ! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT! YOU’RE A JELAOUS BITCH! EVERYONE IS RIGHT ABOUT YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE PIECE OF SHIT! I HAVE FRIENDS YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!YOU’RE A FUCKING OLD LADY WITH YOUR FAKE AND SQUARE TITS!’ Joker Face called it a ‘Hughe display of disgusting!’ Or maybe she was looking in the mirror when she said that?

Some peeps on the blogs were saying that Kim Granny-Tell was high fiving the camera men after she chased Joker Face out of the restaurant. Those cameramen probably been wanting to smack that bitch in the head for a while now. They probably bought Kim G a drink after wards.