Silex

Silex is shopping for some ugly ass fucking clothes, of course! Simon buys Alex a fugly corset looking thing made out of burlap, that says “FEED” . IT’S FUGLY! Just like every other piece of clothing they buy. And since Simon just looves doing special sneak previews coming out of the closet from time to time and getting raped in the cornhole with the price tags  on the  fugly clothing he loves to buy, so that he can dress his life size crack head Barbie doll Alex he pays $7,000.00 dollars for that piece of crap burlap corset! And, and …. What the fuck is that? Is the designer Michael Jackson or a fossilized talking mummy?  If it’s Michael,  Silex better keep that thing away from their kids.

Alex decides she is wearing that fugly burlap corset thing to the opera, so everybody will look at her and feel sorry for her and feed her for free to get her $7,000.00 worth.  That mummified Michael Jackson designer was laughing all the way to the bank and I bet is still laughing right now. I know where I can find a lot of burlap sacks that I can sell to Silex for $7,000.00 a piece and for $1,000.00 extra I’ll throw in some free manure aroma that Alex can proudly wear to the opera.

Ramona

Ramona is doing some infomercial bullshit thing and ask Mari-OO  and Avery to help her. However, she tells them that she doesn’t want any criticism or comments coming from either of them, because Ramona is perfect. Ramona especially doesn’t want to hear it from Avery because Avery makes her nervous. Ramona eventually kicks Avery out of the room and Avery steals her car.

LuAnn

Of course after finding out that Victoria went granola, YES GRANOLA, PEOPLE! It  horrifies LuAnn so much that she takes Victoria shopping for expensive clothes, and $200.00 manicures “to get those paws fixed” hoping this will snap Victoria out of it. But while on their way to their shopping expedition, Victoria becomes allured by the colorful display of street vendor beads and ask her mom if she can get a necklace. They’re like $80.00 bucks a piece. Damn its expensive to be a hippie these days!

LuAnn haggles with the vendor,( which I am glad she still remembers that skill, since she is going to need it because God only knows how much she will get from her divorce settlement since the Count has all those other ex- Counteses to support and I heard that most of them are still alive) LuAnn  ends up getting  a necklace for herself because she cant help also being allured by them magical beads so she ends up spending like $150.00 bucks

After that little scenario LuAnn drags Victoria to the real designer high end super expensive rich bitch boutique the one where they sell ugly sweaters for like $7,000.00 dollars for a fucking sweater that’s grey and fugly and like $3,000.00 for an even fuglier skirt to go with the sweater. And so after they ass rape you for like $12,000.00 you have a fugly ass outfit to remain you of that day.

While at the store LuAnn totally forgets she was there to shop for Victoria and deprogram Victoria from her new found  taste for Birkenstock  and hemp fabrics, so LuAnn ends up shopping for herself while modeling the outfits for Victoria who is totally BOOOORED! and just wants to be back at boarding school, with her friends Star and Moonchild, which is so much more fun than hanging around LuAnn!

Jill

Jill is going shopping with her youngest daughter Ginger to get her a Halloween outfit and she has one of her many gay concubines to design the most fabulous  outfit for Ginger. That  mutt  is pissed and doesn’t like the outfit and is throwing a fit and biting Jill and going ape shit biting the designer, who really wants to step on that rat. Jill needs to call the dog Wisperer Cesar Milan. Ginger continues her terror by pooping all over the carpets.

Silex

Silex is carving pumpkins with their little monkeys. Simon gets  drunk off his ass on Australian crazy bastard moonshine and stumbles around, he then gives  Johnny and Frankie sharp knifes and lets them run around with the knifes  and all slurry asks one of the kids  I cant remember which one, if he remembers 1962 . Then he curses at Alex and starts smacking everybody. Everyone leaves and Simon asks himself ” where did everybody go?”.

Halloween for dogs

Everyone is at the Halloween party for their dogs. Jill is dressed as Gretchen and the little dog is Slade Slimey, Bobby is dressed as Slade’s dog walker and Bethenny  is dressed like Rollergirl and her dog is Roller Bitch, Ramona is dressed like Robin Hood with her thug dog. I didn’t see Mari-OO there;  maybe it was the night he sees his mistress.

Brad starts eating the food that’s being passed around and  Jill and Bobby fuck with him and tell him it’s dog food. Ramona then decides that she wants to eat dog food  and takes a bite off the food that her dog just licked all over after it licked its own balls, Ramona swears it gives it extra flavor.

Jill

Jill does a walk through with Bethenny for some event hall they’re renting for Jill’s charity. They discuss the food, ordervs and drinks Bethenny has the good idea that people are going to buy more shit if they are drunk. Jill wants to go with some good food the food being suggested sounds all good, but  Jill  doesn’t like any of the foods that are being  offered she says everything either tastes like shit or something is wrong with it,  she throws a bitch fit and eventually just says fine! We will serve cookies and milk, which sounds kinda of like it is not going to  work unless they’re offering bong hits with that .

Bethenny

Bethenny is meeting with Alex for the logo that Alex is designing for Bethenny. Bethenny doesn’t even use that logo later I’ve heard . They seem to be getting along at the time but we will see what comes up later.

Now on to the Halloween party of the year

LuAnn shows up dressed like Pocahontas or was it Sacajawea? Bethenny shows up dressed like a porn star in roller blades again because of the economy! Damn economy it strikes again! Kelly is throwing a party at some frat, flop house all the other people there are random people and some hobo’s she invited while handing out fliers on the campus and also skid row while on one of her coke induced rampages.  The so called party has a   cash bar!  A CASH BAR! I guess she can put her name on this shit since she is trying to make some money  to fix her tits I would think. Jill shows up dressed as Marie Antoinette and Bobby is the dude that porks Marie Antoinette .

Kelly still not showing up and its being like 2 hours she just ditched them and it’s starting to piss everybody off. The last straw was  when Jill found out it was a cash bar and she was livid! The last one to show up is Silex. Just like Bethenny I also thought Silex was dressed like   Rockie and Bullwinkle but Alex said it was Sarah palin and moose? WTFuck?

So then after getting tired of waiting for Kelly  the Queen of fabolusity  Roller girl says she don’t put up with that kind of shit and tells everyone she is got her credit card and  her pink dildo and  she is ready to ditch that scene, everybody follows Rollergirl because she is cool like that.

Kelly in the meantime had being busy for the past two hours snorting her coke and trying very hard to squeeze her circus freak looking bowling ball teeties that have a gap wider than the grand canyon to fit  inside her brawer with the help of two large men and lots of industrial strength thick bungee cords. Kelly also had to pick out the best outfit that was conservative, because she is “a mom” you know, so she had to go with a tranny Playboy Bunny looking getup which consisted of her “being naked” like Jill charmingly puts it. Oh yeah and Maxie is naked too and I don’t know what the fuck he was supposed to be dressed as.

Kelly suddenly realizes that none of the other House Ho’s are there and she doesnt know any of the fuckers at this party and fails to realize, or recall she is the one who invited them, while galloping the local college and the streets while coked out of her ass. Later that night she did more coke and beat the shit out of Maxie.

That’s  how it went down Bitches!